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Losing Love by CrazyForYou

Format: Song fic
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,250
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: General, Romance
Characters: OC
Pairings: OC/OC

First Published: 06/07/2008
Last Chapter: 06/12/2008
Last Updated: 06/12/2008

Summary:
Written in response to Hermione101's challenge. A girl falls in love with a boy. He becomes her world. Then something happens. Will she reveal what she knows? And how will this change their relationship and their lives?


Chapter 1: Losing Love
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. I own the original characters, and the plot. The lyrics are by Cascada. 

A/N1:
This was written for Hermione101’s challenge. The challenge was to include the phrase – It is better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all. 
 
A/N2: The italics are from Miracle by Cascada.
 
A/N3: Please review! I’ll return the favor!
 
 


Silky brown hair, deep chocolate eyes, a catchy laugh, strong arms, a witty sense of humor, intelligent, dreamy, sweet, caring. This was the boy I fell in love with. He was in my Arithmancy class. I met him fifth year, he was a transfer student from Durmstrang. His name was Christian – his parents were British, but had moved to Russia when he was eight because of his father’s job. 
 
We were partners in the class, and slowly became friends. Although he was in a different house – I was in Hufflepuff, he was in Ravenclaw, our friends were accepting of each other, and slowly pushed us together. 
 
Boy meets girl
 
And so we fell in love – or at least I did. I was head-over-heels. All I could do was think about him. All I dreamed about was being with him. My day wasn’t complete until I had seen him. It seemed as if my world revolved around him. Everything seemed perfect, he completed me. 
 
He was my confidant, my friend, the one I could lean on. I began to rely on him for almost everything, forsaking my friends. He consumed my time, my life. Me. He seemed to fill me, he was the light in the hard times of my life.  
 
You were my dream, my world.

I was so involved with him, that I became oblivious to my surroundings. All I did was think of him, and be with him, so I lost track of my friends, my school work, my dorm mates. My grades slipped – not that they had ever been Outstanding, but they had been decent. Now, they were merely Acceptable. 

When Christian found out, he started helping study, giving me yet another excuse to be with him. I was so wrapped up in him, that I no longer even listened to the school gossip. I didn’t care what about what was happening, I was happy, and that was enough for me. Sometimes I wish I had, maybe it would have saved me all this pain.

But I was blind,

I was so focused on him, and us, that I found myself obsessing over him. Nothing mattered but him. Not to say that I didn’t have friends, I did, we just weren’t as close as we had been before Christian stepped into the picture. 

There came a time, when Christian started acting weird. I didn’t really pay attention to it, I figured he was just stressed, and didn’t want to add anything to it by prying. Instead, one day, while I was going to the library to return a book that I had borrowed with Christian, I heard weird noises coming from behind a tapestry. One of the voices sounded like my friend Amanda’s. 

Suspicious, I crept forward silently. Then, I heard another voice. A voice that I will always remember, I heard his voice. They were laughing, and talking together. Carefully, I peaked behind the tapestry. The two were so busy snuggling, that they didn’t even notice me! Being the Hufflepuff I am, I didn’t make a scene, and instead decided to try to pretend nothing had happened. 

You cheated on me from behind.

But that was not the case. The next day, when we were walking around the lake, he leaned into kiss me, and I found myself feelings disgusted. I told him that we were over; that I needed time to figure out what I wanted. I never told him that I had discovered their little secret. 

And then before I knew it, I found myself on my own, by myself, in shock. I was unable to wrap my mind around the fact that he had cheated on me, let alone that I had broken up with him.

So, on my own

I never confronted Amanda about what I had discovered either. In fact, I continued to hang out with them as if nothing had happened. On the plus side, having Christian out of the picture allowed me more time to spend with my friends. I took advantage of this time, and worked on rebuilding my friendships. Yet even though I was surrounded by friends, I couldn’t bring myself to tell them what had really happened, why I had really dumped him. 

Looking at me, it wasn’t apparent that I was lonely. Only on the inside did I understand that I truly was alone because no one else understood, no one else knew what I had discovered. 

I feel so all alone.                 

Even Amanda continued to play Miss Oblivious. When we were together, I tried not to display any feelings of hostility toward her, and she continued to pretend like we were close friends, when both of us knew that there was a huge chasm between us – although she didn’t know I knew. 

And Christian - I was confused about him. When we saw each other, it was awkward and strained, on both parts. He and Amanda had not made any moves after I had broken-up with him, something that I was eternally thankful for. I didn’t know how I would be able to survive listening to her gush about how amazing he was. And although I couldn’t deny what I had seen with my own eyes, I still had feelings for him.

Though I know it’s true,

I knew that I couldn’t trust him; I told myself that it was for the better that we had broken up, but in my mind, I knew that I still loved him. My heart raced every time I saw him. I longed to reach out and hold his hand once again, but my rational side held me back. No matter what I told myself or anyone else, I wasn’t over him, instead, I was still madly head over heels in love with him.

I’m still in love with you.

He was so near, and yet at the same time he was so far away from me. I had loved, and I had lost. I had lost him because I had not tried to make the relationship work and talk about things with him. I had lost because I had become too focused on him. But even though I have lost, I wouldn’t change that love for anything. Sure it’s been painful, but through it, I’ve gained experience and wisdom. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and now I know that I have to find a balance in love. It is better to have loved and to have lost, than to never have loved at all.
 

 




A/N4: See the little box down there? Please review!

A/N5: By the way, sorry for those of you who have been waiting so patiently for me to update Their Worst Nightmare. Know that I will NOT abandon it, but it’s on HIATUS for a while, to give me some time to work the story out. I have an outline, but I’m finding myself unable to actually write the chapter. Hence the little one-shots that are emerging. I also need some time to work my life out. Thanks for your guys’ patience!

Thanks, CrazyForYou

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