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Always so BitterSweet by SpanishSmurf24

Format: Novel
Chapters: 34
Word Count: 126,591
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse

Genres: General, Romance, AU
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, OC
Pairings: Sirius/OC, James/Lily, Remus/OC

First Published: 02/16/2008
Last Chapter: 08/11/2015
Last Updated: 08/11/2015

Thanks to Kate @ TDA.

Loren Evans is in her 6th year and everything is either up or down. Good or bad. 
Time passes too fast, things don't go her way, things are bittersweet. All Loren wants is to make it through the year with as little harm done as possible. Maybe if she tries, it''ll go smooth. But it's proving dificult.

Chapter 1: Wake up Calls and Renewed Feelings.
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Hi there, ok so I own nothing you may recognize. The characters you don't they are most likely mine. And the nifty little quote underneath me, well that belongs to Jay Asher.
So here we go:


You can’t stop the future
You can’t rewind the past
All you can do
Is press play.


"Loren, WAKE UP” said a loud, slightly annoying voice.
I placed the pillow over my head, muffling any sounds.
"Oh my god, you are wasting away the last week of summer..... LOREN ADALAIDE EVANS, GET UP NOWWWW!"
Ah yes, the voice of Lily, my amazing, loving cousin.


Oh hello there. You most certainly must be wondering who I am. Well obviously, I'm Loren.
And the person waking me, would be my cousin and best friend, Lily Evans.
My father is her father’s brother. And that’s how we‘re cousins.
But oh yes, the infamous, Lily Evans. Don't worry we'll learn more about her later.
Now to me. Well I'm Loren, or better yet, Lor.
Just a normal 15 (I'll be 16 on September 13th) year old, attempting to sleep in on the last week of school.
Speaking of which the school I attend, well isn't so normal. I go to Hogwarts, a school for wizard and witches.

Yes, Yes, Hogwarts


Five minutes later, I heard a soft knock on the door.
"Yes, who is it?" I said in a rush as I jumped out of the bed.
"Um, it's me, Lily. You're up, yea?"
I made a loud, frustrated grunt, which Lily took as a yes and proceeded back down stairs.

I went and turned the shower on letting it warm up before I actually stepped in. Paying close attention as I slowly peeled each article of clothing away. I am a procrastinator, I love taking my sweet time.
I washed my hair with some random shampoo I took off the shelf and washed with my mix of honey and strawberry soap.
About an hour later the water had started to get cold, so I jumped out and threw the towel around my body and made my way back to my room, stem gushing out of the bathroom door.
"Now, what to wear?” I said slowly to myself.
"Talk to yourself often, do you?" the voice questioned my insanity

I turn abruptly towards the voice, with a squeal of surprise.
“Ugh, is there something you want, Avery?”


Well if you wanted to know, Avery is my baby brother. Oh yes fine, baby is a bit exaggerated. He is only one year and a few odd months younger. But I can tell you this: He is probably, the best brother ever, but he can be a little bugger…. At times


“Mum wanted me to come check to see if you were awake. We are going to Diagon Alley today, so get dressed.” My brother replied, making his way slowly to the open door.

“Yes ok, but do I have to go?” I crossed my fingers behind my back, hoping that the answer wasn’t what I expected.

And there it was the look, Avery’s look. With his lip puffed out, and his doe eyes staring at you, what would you have done?

“No, never mind, I’ll-“

“No, that’s quite fine; you don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” His voice quavered, boy was he good at this. “I’ll manage without you. My big sister, the one I respect, and love, and look up too. It’s fine….”

I bit the inside of my lip, so that sigh of defeat I held in, wouldn’t escape me.
“I’m getting dressed; tell mum and Lily I’ll be down in twenty.”

Rarely do I win against Avery’s look. But one of these days….

Many disgruntled thoughts toward my wardrobe, and some discarded outfits later, I was dressed. I wore, my tight black tee, with jean Capri’s and knowing fully well I would have to walk around all day, my converses (even though, they are what I almost always wear.).


You may possibly be wondering what I look like. Well I’ll tell you.
I am to say the very least, short; I come in at a grand height of five feet and one inch.
My skin is pale, but a striking pretty, pale. My eyes, my best feature, are Emerald green. Almost exactly like Lil’s but they have bits of amber and flecks of blue, interesting combination, it is.
Hmmm…. I have a curtain of dark brown almost black hair and it’s lightly curly and long, to my arse. I suppose you could say I am pretty. I mean I am not stunning but I do possess stunning features. Besides my looks, I have an interesting personality. I am a bit quirky, and tend to be clumsy. I can get easily attached and care more for others then my own self. I am mellow-dramatic, but it’s just second nature. You’ll learn to love it!


From my room, I made my way to the kitchen downstairs. On my way down my toe caught the banister rail, I knew before it actually happened, I flew forward into the table placed against the wall at the end oh the stairs. I let out a sob of pain and detangled myself from the table. This day was already starting out bad.

I heard a surprised voice, I knew to be my dad’s “Are you ok in there?”

I slowly got up, as my dad walked into the room.

“Lor bug, are you ok, that sounded like a nasty fall?”

“Yes dady, I’m ok. I just scraped my knee, that’s all.”

“OK, well try and be more careful now.” My dad’s voice was full of care as he turned and went back into his office.

I shuffled slowly into the kitchen, expecting my mother to be up and scurrying around, cleaning whatever she could get her hands on. I walked into the room and was surprised my mother was just sitting there. She was sitting at the kitchen table absent-mindedly stroking the cats head, with a look of worry on her face.

“Mum, is everything ok?” I asked lightly

She jumped up, startled. “Oh yes love, everything is splendid.”

“Splendid.” I mocked my mother with an amused look probably playing across my face.


So, now you have met my parents
My father, Lionel Evans. My mother, Cheri Evans.
The most caring people, I could ever ask for and for being muggles they have become totally accustomed to anything, hmmm slightly supernatural. Well let’s not waste more time.


“So everyone ready?” Lily said, walking into the room with us.

“Yessss, we are ready. But why are we going so earlyyy?” I am such a whiner and very good at it might I mention

“You know perfectly well why we are going so early, Loren. You know it’s safer in the morning. Must we tell you this every year?”

“Well no, but I forget. I don’t understand why it’s safer; I mean what’s the big deal?”

“Sweetie, you do know a certain dark wizard is on the loose. So it is safer to go in the morning, rather then—“I cut my mother off.

“But mum, wouldn’t it be safer to go when there is more people so as to not draw attention to ourselves?” My mom slowly opened her mouth, and stared at me for a second.

“Loren, for once could you just listen to me and not question why I do something the way I do it?” The tone in my mother’s voice shut me right up

“Yes, mum” I said slowly and a bit unsure oh whether I should have replied or not.


So are you wondering what I’m talking about?
Well Voldermort, is the dark wizard we were discussing.
He is like the wizarding worlds Hitler. Prejudiced against muggleborns and half bloods, and wants to do away with them. So that is why my mother is talking about being safe.
She is a muggle along with the rest of my family, besides Lily, Avery and I of course.
So must of the time she is wicked caution about who we meet, or talk too.
It can be annoying, but she just cares a lot for our family.


After Flooing to Diagon Alley, which my mother insists we do, because the feeling reminds her of a roller coaster. Don’t ask. We went to Gringotts to take out some money for me, Avery, and Lily, which took forever. Surprisingly a lot of people wait til the last week before school starts, to get supplies. We were standing in line when we heard that voice, the voice that could probably turn milk sour.

“Filthy mudblood, you stand there like you’re something important.” Spat Bellatrix Black.

I spun around, toward the direction in which that nasty comment came. I will have you know, I hate, detest, loath and am repulsed by that word, Mudblood.

“Freak say WHAT?”

“You heard me; I called you a mudblood, which you are.” Her words were like ice, stinging and cold.

“Yes, I may come from parents with no magical blood, but I am not a mudblood. What gives you any right in the world to say that?” I talked slowly, afraid I would let my emotions get out of hand.

“I have every right, I will talk to you in what ever manner I want. I am and will always be better then you.” Every word dripped with a condescending tone.

“You bitch; you are most- OW“I was stopped short with a small pinch.

“LOREN EVANS, you do NOT talk to anybody that way. Never stoop to another’s level, if you had just walked away it would have made you the bigger person. Now come on we have shopping to do.”

As I walked away I could feel someone’s icy glare on my back. It wasn’t too hard to guess who.

Fast Forward--

The only reason I am fast forwarding is because the rest of our day was highly un-eventful. Besides that little run in, we seen no one important and did nothing worth talking about.
So here we go.


“You honestly didn’t have to call her a bitch, you just started trouble”

“But Lily Dear, if I didn’t then she would have kept saying it” Me and Lily were arguing about me and Bellatrix’s little spat.

“Yes, but she will keep calling you that no matter” I realized that when Lily tries to get a point across, she uses very big hand gestures.

I wouldn’t let her win. “I don’t care. I was just sticking up for me, you, Avery, and a lot of other people. It’s just the whole principal of the matter.”

“OY Evans and er, Evans, what are you fighting about. Oh and guess who’s in the neighborhood.”

Dear Lord, I haven’t heard that voice in awhile. The very voice that sends chills down my back and butterflies in my stomach. I turned towards him, and it hit me all over again. Seeing his face, his beautiful face, noticing every muscle and contour to his body, all the emotion I bottled up for the past two months came rushing back.

Trying very hard to not pass out, or to stutter I said weakly, “Let me guess, you?” 


Alex's author Note- Ok so this is my first story, so please read and review. Be totally honest, if  people think its good, then I will keep going. If they don't well er we can go from there. This chapter isn't my best, I just needed something to build on. I have three others chapters pre-written. ^_^

Chapter 2: Bruised Bums and Bicycle accidents
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- Dear Lord, I haven’t heard that voice in awhile. The very voice that sends chills down my back and butterflies in my stomach. I turned towards him, and it hit me all over again. Seeing his face, his beautiful face, noticing every muscle and contour to his body, all the emotion I bottled up for the past two months came rushing back.


Trying very hard to not pass out, or to stutter I said weakly, “Let me guess, you?”

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Baby do you think you could want me too?
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do?
I just wanna know that you really do
There is nothin' left to hide


Beautiful Soul –Jesse McCartney 



Sirius Black stood in front of me and Lily, hands in his pockets and replied:


“Ding, ding, ding, exactly Lor, how ever did you guess? Sirius asked me, with that coy smile and gave me a wink.


Ugh stupid boy. He didn’t know it, but with that one small wink, that one small gesture, he had melted my whole thought process. I don’t know how long I stood there, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. But I finally came to reality when Lily, who was standing right next to me, gave me a pinch on the wrist.


“Oh, er um just a lucky guess, I suppose.”  I spluttered out the words in a high pitched voice, barely breathing. How does one person have such an effect on me? 

Sirius just starred at me for a second with a small grin on his lips. 

“Ok then, well come on let’s go visit James, yea?” Sirius started ahead but before I could start walking, Lily pulled me back.

“Hmm, I don’t know. We have to get back home, so maybe some other time.” Lily’s voice was filled with apprehension and I knew why. James was if anything madly in love with Lily, and if you asked me I think she shares the same feelings.

“No, Lily it’s ok, curfew isn’t for another few hours.”  I know I shouldn’t push her, but if it meant me spending time being with Sirius, I was all for it. “Well I mean if it’s ok with you.” I turned my head, so Sirius couldn’t see my face and mouthed, “Pleaseeee?”

“You owe me.” Lily mouthed back, rolling her eyes and fixing her shirt, she said to Sirius, “Fine, why not.”

“Great, let’s go.” Sirius grinned


It took us a grand total of five minutes to get to James’ house, considering he lived on the next street over. Once we were a few houses away, Lily started murmuring to herself, telling herself that everything was ok. I reached over and lightly toke her hand, it was my way of telling her to calm down. 

“Lily, love, it’s only James, why are you fidgety?” She squeezed my hand.

“I don’t know, I just don’t want him to ruin my day, by asking me out, or something……” She didn’t sound too confident, but I ignored it and just kept walking next to her.

Sirius stopped right out front and started yelling, “Hey Prongsieee, come on out, you’ve got company.” About two minutes later, out came James.

“Hey padfoot, how have you been?”  He ran down the path and gave Sirius a “Man” hug, he didn’t seem to notice me and Lily standing four feet away.

“Well considering it’s only been a week since you last seen me fine, it was cool staying with Remus for awhile, speaking of which he will be down later today or early tomorrow. But aren’t you going to say hi to these two fine ladies?” He pointed is thumb in our direction.

“What are you- Lily Flower, Lor, I didn’t see you there, sorry.” James pushed a hand through his hair, and gave Lily a big grin. “So how are you guys?”

“Fine, a bit bored but well for the most part.” I answered for the both of us, I figured Lily wouldn’t take to much.

“That’s good, but umm at this moment I am on house arrest til tomorrow. So how about we all do something tomorrow?”  He directed this question more towards Lily, then me, so I let Lily take the reigns. 

“Yea, sure, Ava is coming tomorrow and from what I just heard so is Remus, so that will be fun, see you guys tomorrow.” Lily actually talked wow, who would have though?

So after saying our good byes and walking home Lily and I called it a night. It might have been only 9:30, but we were wicked tired. Besides, knowing the Marauders, they would get us up early enough.



From what I knew, I was having the most wonderful dream, but I couldn’t escape the feeling that someone was staring at me. So I slowly turned to the side and opened my eyes a bit and instantly knew why.

“AARGHHHHHHH!!!” I sat up as quick as possible and managed to fall off the bed onto my bum. Clutching my chest, I took in the image of Sirius, Remus, and James sitting at the edge of my bed

“Oh my GOD, what are you guys doing, trying to kill me, I think you nearly succeeded! Why may I ask, are you in my room at” I turned to from my spot on the floor to look at the clock. “8:00 in the MORNING, are you kidding me? Ugh don’t you have someone else to bother?” I don’t think I hide my amused facial expression to well, because they all had smiles on their faces and were shaking with laughter.

“No, Lor Dear, we do not, simply because no one we know besides you of course would have woken up so umm gracefully, how is your bum feeling anyway?” James was literally crying he was laughing so hard.

“My bum is perfectly fine a little sore, thanks to you and don’t mock my graceful-ness” I too was laughing, I mean how could you not but I was still a  tad upset at being woken so early.

“Mocking! Why ever would we do that? Anyway, up you get.” Sirius made his way over to where I sat and grabbed my hands lightly and pulled me up. My hands burned lightly from where his skin touched mine.

“Thank you, but out all of you. I need to get dressed and we can go wake up Sleeping Beauty and yes James, I do mean Lily. NOW OUT!” I pushed them all out of the door and went to my closet to pick something out.

I dressed slowly, realization sinking in. We only had 4 days left til school and I was going to be spending the day with my closest friends. The day couldn’t get any better. At least, I don’t think it can. Finally dressed in a jean mini skirt, tight white tank top, and lime green flip flops, I was ready for the day.

“Let’s go wake Lily now and Hello Remus, how have you been?”


I figure now would be a good time to describe my friends to you.
Well I’ll do them each individually
Let’s start with the best, which would be Lily
She is the most amazing cousin EVER
She is beyond comparison at being my best friend.
She is the salt to my pepper
The Chip to my Dale
And the Paris to my Nicky
She is possibly the best thing I could have ever asked for.
She is there for me, when I need her and when I don’t.
She butts into my business because she cares, and that’s what makes me love her.
She is smart, and loving, and honest, and simply perfect.



Ok maybe waking Lily wasn’t the best idea. Now she is cranky and bossy. Not a good combination, she is acting all huffy-n-puffy.

“Lily, stop being mad, please. We had to get up anyway, Ava will be here in an hour!” That brightened her mood instantly; you see Ava is our best friend. The third musketeer.


Ok Ava, how do I explain her?
Well, amazing, is the first adjective to come to mind.
She is quirky and random.
A bit like me but worse, and I use worse in a good way.
Ava is loud and eccentric, can make decisions at the flip of a coin.
Her looks match her personality. She is short and really thin. Her hair is one of her more extreme features, white/blonde with a streak of black in the front. She has the biggest, bluest eyes. She can bring a smile to anyone’s face, with both her personality and her looks.

She is just amazing!



At around nine-ish, Ava arrived. As soon as I seen her fly away hair, I opened the door and ran down the walk-way towards her. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I had missed her terribly.

“AVA, my love! My dear, sweet, darling Ava, how are you? I was out of breath as I threw my arms around her neck.

Squeezing me a little too tightly she said:

“I’m peachy keen, Lor Jelly Bean! I have missed you and Lily so much. Speaking of which, where would the fiery red-head be? But we have so much to catch up on! She muttered to herself “So very much to do, gosh”

I stifled my giggle by pressing my face into Ava’s shoulder. We probably looked like we just escaped from the psyche ward at St. Mungo’s; we were standing there and jumping up and down. But we were happy to see each other and we don’t care what people think anyway.

“Oh Ava, we’ve missed you too, more then chocolate even! Lily is inside with the Marauders, so come on. But we do have tons to do, we’ll finish it though.” I was gasping for breath, trying to talk and loosen Ava’s grip around me was particularly hard. “Ave, um I can’t breathe.”

“Oh my god, sorry. Wait, did you say that Lily is inside with the marauders? 

I just nodded and walked inside. It was sort of funny. I liked Sirius, and Lily liked James’ (I think). Ava, I’m positive fancies, Remus. Poor peter, we have to find him a girlfriend, or a cat. 



The Marauders 

James Potter- He is the most loyal, helpful, happy person. I could call him at three in the morning and he would talk to me til I felt like getting off the phone.

Remus Lupin- He is the most serious (no pun intended) and the best advice giver. He has gotten us out of many rough spots.

Sirius Black- I saved the best for last right? Well, he has the qualities of the other two and more. Sirius is amazing, caring, easy going, down to earth, energized. He is nothing short of wonderful.

I'm not too fond of Peter he creepy?



After many, hugs, squeals, and “hellos”, we all resulted in sitting in James’ parlor. Sirius and I were ironically on the love seat. Lily sprawled across the floor, with Remus and Ava on either side and James was on the lounge chair, humming to himself. We were discussing what we should do, so far nothing reasonable had come up.

“Let’s just go bike riding, you guys.” Remus sounded bored
“Hmm, no, my bike is un-ride able at this moment.”  My voice was quiet and crestfallen
“What do you mean, what happened?” 

“Well, I sort of rode into a tree and then fell….”  I let my voice fall into the background

“Ok sorry I asked” Laughter filled Sirius’ voice.

“WELL, I’m sorry that I am um accident prone.” My eyes narrowed and I scowled in his general direction

“Oh Lor, don’t be mad, please. I am truly and completely sorry.” He looked sorry and I had to forgive him, ya know?

I craned my neck towards him and looked up through my lashes, I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive. I could feel a blush creeping up my neck coming into my cheeks.

“Sirius, don’t be sorry. It’s just a sore subject. Ya know, my balance, or more my lack of balance and such” I mumbled towards the couch cushions. 

He gave me a smile and we kept discussing what to do. We ended up just going into the woods behind James’ house. Sirius walked behind me and I could feel his stare on me. He was making me nervous my palms were getting sweaty, and I kept tripping (more then usual). I focused myself and watched where I walked, I really didn’t need to fall and embarrass myself.

“So how is everyone today?” I let out a frustrated sigh. I had to make some kind of chit chat to get my mind off of how dangerously close Sirius was. But what a lame question.

Everyone mumbles something like, “Great”, “Fine”, or “Ok”.     

I could hear Sirius’ breathing, coming in even breaths, like hiking was a past time of his. It could be, his body is fabulous so I wouldn’t doubt it. I still felt his eyes on my back, his wonderful eyes. They were gray-ish blue, and when he was upset they were steal gray.

Ugh I hate liking him. I can’t tell him, it could ruin a perfectly good friendship. But every time he smiled at me, touched me, talked to me, he took more of my heart. Honestly I didn’t mind that he did, I just wish he knew. On the off chance he does like me, that would be nice, but I doubt it. Ok back to reality, I’m over thinking it.

“You guys where are we, I can’t see the trail anymore? Hello you guys where are you?” Oh. My. God. How did I possibly get lost? Where the hell am I? Ok Sirius was behind me, how did he not me disappear? Well this is aggravating! 

“LOREN, WHERE ARE YOU?” I heard five distinct voices. I started running towards them, YES I AM SAVED!

“You guys, I’m right- -- AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

I fell. But you could have guessed that. I must have gotten a little to eager and lost my footing. I caught myself before I rolled down the hill but a branch stabbed into my hand when I hit the ground.

“DAMN IT” I grabbed my injured hand and pulled out the branch, wincing at the pain. EW blood, I hate blood. I heard hurried footsteps behind me and turned to see Sirius running up behind me.

“LOR, are you ok?” He kneeled down next to me and inspected my hand.

“I’m fine, just a little scratch, can we go home now? Please!”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea, the others are slightly behind.  Here jump on” he kneeled down to let me on his back, “come on”

“Um that’s not necessary, I can walk.” I started walking ahead

“From what I have seen, you can’t. So come on don’t be difficult” He lightly grabbed my wrist pulling me back and stood in front of me.

“There is no point in arguing, is there?” He slowly shook his head, so I let him lift me to his back, it wasn’t so bad. I mean besides the fact that we were wickedly close, but whatever I was ok with it. We didn’t even talk as we walked home but it was a comfortable silence.


So much for an adventure, right? I sort of shot that idea to hell, but it was still fun. When we got back to James’ we had a movie marathon and crashed there. Even if we didn’t do much, I didn’t mind. I wouldn’t have asked for a better end of vacation. We spent the rest of the three days, being lazy. I ended up with a few other minor bruised and bumps but I wouldn’t change anything.


Authors note- Ok so this is the second chapter. Just more of a filler then anything. 
The next chapters get lots better, trust me.
So read and review pleasee
Cause if you review I will love you more then chocolate and that m'dears... is saying something


Chapter 3: Nightmares and Old Elizabethan
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Ok so I own nothing except the two not-so-familair characters.
The rest is all jo.
So have fun and review, loves. 


So long sweet summer
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet summer
I fell into you
Now you're gracefully falling away

So long Sweet Summer- Dashboard Confessional

The last three days had flown by. Today was our last day of summer, the day before we left for our 6th year of school. We would be leaving at 9:30 tomorrow morning. So we had pulled an all nighter, me and my girls. We stayed up watching movies, talking, packing (sort of) and playing games. At the moment we are watching “The Titanic” for the millionth times in all our lives. It’s a classic, ya know? We were at my favorite part of the movie….

Not here, not this night. Do you understand me? Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.

I promise.

Never let go.

I'll never let go. I'll never let go, Jack.

Lily and Ava were shaking with silent tears and normally I would be too, but I was preoccupied. My mind was threatening to overload, every thought crossed my mind, slowly circling my brain. Ugh, school, summer, Sirius, everything was going by shockingly fast and I don’t think I’m ready to handle it all. Summer went by in the blink of an eye, which I don’t mind I mean, I’ll be going back to my friends, to my home, but this year was our O.W.LS. I know I won’t do bad but its just one of those things. Then there was the, “Sirius Problem”, yep I still liked him and in those three days I realized I wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t fathom not liking him. I have liked him for two years now. Everything I think about goes back to him some how and I have become accustomed to it, mind you I didn’t say I liked it.

“Earth to Loren, are you there? What’s with the funny face?” Lily was waving her hand in front of my face and Ava was attempting to get my attention in a sing-song voice.

I could hear their voices, but my mind was still trying to overrun me. Grasping my way back to the real world, I tried desperately to hang on long enough to talk to them. I recomposed my face from my probably worried look to a dazed look. I could claim that I was day dreaming, I practically was.

“Hmm? Oh sorry guys, I was just out of it for a bit.” I wasn’t lying, so there wasn’t anyway that they could prove me wrong. I shifted so I could see the TV better but the screen was blank. “You guys, why is the Telly off?

“Um well the movie ended five minutes ago.” Lily was starring at me with a concerned face, Ava just sat there in her own world. Lily expected this out of Ava, even me sometimes but lately I was doing it more often, day dreaming I mean.

“Oh crap, sorry you guys, I was just thinking about how fast the summer went by. We have to finish packing, it’s already 9:30” Wow even the day went by fast, if it kept this up I was prone to a melt down. But I’m pretty sure Mother Nature wouldn’t be to keen to slow down time. “Ava, Lils, let’s go pack.”

Ok well packing took forever, which was actually a relief to me. It gave me more time to think clearly. In between packing my Fairy Tale book, I got from my daddy and my iPod, I couldn’t keep my thoughts from what might happen this year.


Ok, well my Fairy Tale book. It means the world to me. My daddy got it for me for my 7th birthday. The front cover was burgundy leather, with the words “Happily Ever After” embossed in gold and the pages were lined with gold too. I loved the idea of living... “Happily ever after”.
Then there was my iPod. Ok yeah people say we can’t use electronical devices, but I got special permission. I can’t live without music. I think if I had to go a day without, I would probably go a bit loony.


“Y-y-y-ou guys, let’s get to sleep its really late.” I stifled my yawn with my arm; my eyes were starting to droop. It was 2:30, I actually thought it was later, but I was still very tired.

“Ug-h-h-h-h, Loren I caught your yawn. Stop yawning, I command you!” Ava was lying across my bedroom floor, halfway asleep.

“That isn’t possible. You can’t catch someone’s ya-a-a-wn” Lily covered her mouth, while me and Ava collapsed into fatigued giggles. We love how Lily managed to prove herself wrong in one sentence.

The next morning, after skipping breakfast and hauling our stuff into the car, we were on our way to Kings Cross Station. We’ve been driving for about an hour already, which leaves us 15 minutes til we get there. I had my cheek pressed against the cool glass of the window, trying to keep my eyes open. I was practically narcoleptic, last night I got about five minutes of sleep, my brain was still congested with a million thoughts. I wish I could de-congest it, wait is de-congest a word. It was to be… I mean come on!

“Lor Bug, get up, sleepy head. You’re here.” My dad shook my shoulder and helped me out of the car; he leaned down, kissed my forehead. “Sweetie, I’m going to miss you, you know your mom wanted to come but she had work. Now please be careful, ok. Write us, everyday.” He squeezed me tight to him and I could hear his unsteady breath.

“Don’t worry daddy, I know mom had work, its ok. Of course I’ll write, maybe not everyday that’s a bit too much. I’m always careful, erm usually, ok I will be!” I could feel the tears stinging at my eyes, I was blinking furiously at them. I squeezed him back, gave him a last glance and turned towards the girls.

“Bye Uncle Li’, I’ll watch out for Ava.” Lily hugged him and joined me again.

“Bye Mr. Evans, see you soon” Ava waved, my dad waved back and he got in the car and drove away.

The girls linked their arms around me, embracing me tightly for a minute. After the tears stopped stinging my eyes in an ominous way, we grabbed our trolleys and set off inside. We slowly made our way through the barrier, trying not to attract any attention. I heard mine and the girls names called a million times, but I think they were scared I would burst into tears, so they pulled me forward and found a compartment. I had a burst of Déjà vu, sitting in the compartment, I was about to be back at school. I was instantly buoyant and energized, for the first time that day I was free from my strangling thoughts. I was happy, I was sitting in here with my best friends, going back home to see my other friends.


Yeah, you might have noticed that my thoughts can change very fast. I have always been that way. Lily and Ava have gotten so used to it, they don’t even bother with it anymore. So, I suck at holding grudges, or anything that keeps me with one emotion.


“Good day my fair ladies” James walked in startling me, I slide off the seat onto my bum, I looked up at Remus and Peter, biting back their laughter.

“Goodness, Lor. Do you always have that reaction towards us?” Remus was spitting out his words in between laughing, I stuck my tongue out at him. Yes maybe it was immature, oh well.

“Oh dreadfully sorry, my dear lady Lor, have a scotched you at all?” James bowed and helped me up.

Remus and Peter left the compartment, probably to go find Sirius. So I decided to play along with James’ game.

I stood up and tried the best I could to bow gracefully “No my lord, quite the contrary. I am perfectly fine. I am neither scotched nor blood-boltered”, but I am a bit baffled at your presence.” I turned my head dramatically to the side and covered my face with one hand.

James reached down and kissed my hand “Do not be baffled, I am normal almost a peasant. But you my fine lady, you must be a lady in waiting. Such fine attire and manners.” He turned towards Lily and Ava. “Ah more fine ladies, god has blessed my soul today.” He kissed both of their hands lightly.

“You are not a peasant, you are a fine cavalero and we are no ladies in waiting. To say such is blasphemous.” I had a hand on my hip and my other pointed at him.

By then the girls burst into laughter and the guys came from the corridor, applauding our show. Me and James linked hands and bowed.

“You guys are so weird but in a good way.” Lily was wiping the tears of laughter away.

“Yes, Lily is right. So Lor, I heard about your little fall. I’m guessing your ok, yea?” He slung his arm around my shoulder and poked me in my side.

I pushed his hand away, erupting in giggles, I am very ticklish but he doesn’t need to know that. I leaned my head on his shoulder and feinted sleep. I could smell his cologne musky and calming. Ugh stop it brain. I don’t need this, not right now. I could hear Sirius heartbeat in tune with mine, the mix of his cologne and steady rhythm of his heart sent me deeper and deeper.

I was dreaming, I must be. I was running as fast as my legs could take me, I was in the woods behind James house. I could smell the sickly salty aroma of blood but I couldn’t tell where it came from. There was someone in front of me, I had to run to them, and they would help me. Wait, help me, help me from what? I was terrified of whatever it was though, I could feel something warm run down from my hairline to my brow, I wiped it away and looked at my hand. That’s where the blood came from, my head. How though, how did I hurt myself and not realize it. I was a few feet from the person, I stopped running when I seen him, my dad.

“Daddy, what happened, why are you here?” I was talking so fast, I could hardly understand what I was saying.

“Loren, calm down, It will be ok. Now, please come here let me wipe of your forehead.” He looked nervous but calm at the same time. I walked over slowly and he took out his handkerchief, I made it for him years back. He wiped the blood away and pulled me into his arm. The hug was fast and anxious. “I love you, Lor Bug, ok remember that.”

“Why, where are you going? What are you on about? Daddy, answer me!” I was panicking, I could feel the contents in my stomach threatening to come back out. I placed my hands over my mouth, just incase.

“Oh how sweet, saying your good bye.” The shadows voice was skin crawling, sharp and putrid. I whipped around toward the voice.. “Now I won’t waste any time with this, I have more pressing matters.”

“WAIT, who are you? Get away from us, please.” My voice was pleading and weak. I wanted to sleep but wasn’t I already sleeping?

My dad said something but I couldn’t understand him, I could taste my salty tears, I didn’t even realize I had started crying. My dad grabbed my shoulders gently and pushed me down.

“AVADA KEDAVRA” I closed my eyes as the green light illuminated everything around me, I heard a soft ‘thud and a pop.

I slowly opened my eyes, I knew what happened, I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t breath my heart wanted to explode, I was gasping for breath. I slowly pulled my face up to look at my dad. He was lying next to me, his position crumpled; his jade eyes open wide in terror. I gulped a large amount of air and placed my hand over his face, lightly closing his eyes.

“Daddy, I’m right here. It’s me your Lor bug, daddy please don’t do this. Answer me please” My voice was high pitched but hoarse at the same time. I wanted to scream and run. I kissed his cheek softly. “Daddy please” I hurt all over, I was sore and my heart was heavy. I had to tell him, he had to know. “I love you too daddy, always remember that and I’ll always remember too” I slipped into a sleep I already was in

I jolted awake, everything around me was sharp and cold. I was aware of Sirius asleep, his arm draped around my waste. Ava and Peter were asleep on the floor and seat across, peaceful and happy. I was confused. My hands were clammy and I was crying. My dream, that couldn’t have happened, it was impossible. I could feel Sirius eyes on me, he must have woken up. I slowly turned towards him, not caring that I probably looked like hell.

“Loren, what’s wrong? Wait, are you crying, what happened?” His voice was full of emotion and he slowly took my face between his hands. “Loren, look at me are you ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine Sirius, just a terrible nightmare.” I placed my hands over his and shakily took them off my face, holding them for a minute. I had to have some assurance, I had to talk to my dad.

I reached for Lily’s jacket, grabbing the other special permission object, her phone. I dialed my dad’s number without thinking about what I was going to say.
My head was pounding against my skull and Sirius was rubbing my back comfortingly. To be honest though, I didn’t care at the moment, I needed to hear my father’s voice.

“Hello?” My dad answered on the third ring.

“Daddy?” I knew it was him, but I needed to know. He needed to tell me he was ok.

“Loren, Sweetie, what wrong?”

“Are you ok, Daddy?”

“Loren, I am fine, now please answer my question, are you ok?” His voice was stern but it still had that note of love in it.

I let out a slow, ragged breath. I was relieved my heart still hurt a bit but everything was calmer now. Not so icy and foreboding. I heard my dad suck in breath, ready to question me again, so I beat him too it.

“I am fine, dad, I promise. I just wanted to talk to you, before I got to school. But we are almost there, so I need to change into my robes, ok?”

“Ok, bug. Go ahead, don’t forget to write. I love you.”

“I won’t and I love you too, more then anything.” I had to let him know. Just in case, but he wouldn’t need it. I would see him again, soon. I would talk to him again. I would ask him for advice ten years from now. I convinced myself to hang up and to stand up. Sirius looked scared; when I stood he did too.

“Don’t worry Sirius, ok? Just a bad dream.” I hugged him then reached up to grab my trunk. He grabbed it for me with no problem and turned me so I could face him.

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” I couldn’t break the eye contact. His eyes were warm and welcoming. I wanted to tell him everything, my dream, my fears, how much I liked him. I shook my head.

“Excuse me but I don’t need to conv---“The door to the compartment opened and Remus, Lily and James walked in. They looked so care free, should I tell any of them. No I couldn’t, not even Lily. No need to worry them about something so silly.

“Hey you bums, we were just coming in to wake you up, we will be at school in five minutes.” By then Ava and Peter were up too. Stretching and grabbing their robes.

School, the thought was calming. I put my robes on, already in uniform and sat down, I starred at the others and ever so often Sirius would throw a caution glance my way. I knew he was sorry for being so nosy. He cared, he always cares. Just not the way I want him too.

It was raining outside as we got into the coaches, which were waiting for us outside the train. As we rode slowly to the castle, I started thinking of my dream. Who was that shadow and why did he want to hurt my dad? I convinced myself it was just my over reactive imagination and that’s all. It took me a minute to realize that everyone was getting out of the coaches ad going inside. I stood up and got out stumbling a bit but I didn’t fall. I remember some people, trying to make polite conversation with me but I was too out of it to say much. Lily, Ava, and the marauders kept looking at me, either in a sympathetic way or a questioning way. I didn’t think about it much. I came back to the world around me at Dumbledore’s parting words.

“The world is full of disarray at the moment, but rest assured everything will be fine, eventually. But as for the mean time, stick close to those cherished; take everything a day at a time. Slowly things will brighten, but I do not want to instill false hope. So during these dark times, stay aware, stay safe. I can guarantee at Hogwarts, you are safe. A bid you good night, classes start day after tomorrow.”

His advice was perfect. He was helping me and he didn’t even know it. I would try and take things a day a time.

“Loren Evans, answer me!” Lily was livid with me I knew it.

“Sorry, Lily, I’m bit er tired. I really am sorry though, I didn’t mean to ignore you guys. Don’t be mad, remember what Dumbledore said, “Stick close to those cherished” or something like that.” I knew quoting Dumbledore was a bit of a reach but I needed her to not be mad at me.

“I’m not mad, I was just worried, now come on. I f you’re so tired then going to bed is a good idea, now lets go find the third Musketeer.”

“Yes, let’s” We walked up the stairs and found Ava at the top.

“Hey loves, happy to be back?” Ava seemed elated.

Lily nodded her head slowly with a huge smile on her face.

“I know I am, I couldn’t be happier.” I wasn’t lying, this would be my best year. I knew it. I would make it, if I had to.

We gave the password to the fat lady “Snicker doodles” and made our way into the common room, said our good nights to the guys and went to our rooms. We always had the room to ourselves and we liked it that way. We undressed and got into our pajamas without a word said, til I fell over my trunk that is. Then everyone burst into fits of laughter.

“Same ol’ Lor can’t keep her balance at all.” Lily was gasping for breath and clutching her ribs. Ava was on her bed laughing into her pillow, fighting for breath.

“Please be careful, Loren I promised your dad, that I would keep you in one piece.” She lightly tapped my nose with her index finger and lay down on her bed across from me. “Night everyone” she blew out the candle. I could hear her bed sheets rustle as she got comfortable.

“Nightey Night, my darlings” Ava’s voice dripped with sleep as she slowly extinguished her candle too.

I said good night and put out my candle and sat there starring at the moon, for what felt like ages. Those worried feelings had come back but I was taming then. Pressing them to the back of my mind, I turned my iPod on and flipped to shuffle. Everything was fine, but I didn’t want to sleep, that dream couldn’t come back. I failed miserably at the hands of the sandman and dozed off. The song I was listening to lulling me farther and farther from conciseness….

Good night my angel time to close you eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Where ever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away……… 


Authors Note- Ok so, this is by far,  I think, my best chapter. 
So from here on out, I think they get alot better. And I had fun with this chapter.
So please review, pretty, pretty please. I'll be your best friend (=

Also- this is a bit AU
Considering that its the 70's and Lor has an iPod and lily a cell.
Yeah oh well. 


Chapter 4: Thunderstorms.
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But that’s not why I'm here
I came down here to tell you
It rains in heaven all day long
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I’m miserable up here without you
Miserable up here with out you

The truth about Heaven- Armor for Sleep


What the hell is that?


“Ava, what are you doing? You’re going to wake up Sleepy head over there.”

Oh I guess that’s me, little do they know I’m awake. And I guess that would be Ava’s fault. What is she doing, ugh I don’t want to get up. Ok, well just five more minutes.


Ok…. I guess I don’t even get five more effing seconds.

“AVA ROSE, WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD ARE YOU DOING?!” I couldn’t even see what she way doing, I was tangled in blankets. This is so not a good way to start the morning.

“Oh jeez, sorry Lor, I’m looking for a book.”

“Ok, well couldn’t you do it quietly? This is the last day before classes start, I need some rest. So please could you stop?” I was pleading, she was lucky I wasn’t on my hands and knees.

“No, you don’t need anymore sleep it’s almost 1. Come on, up, up, up” Lily was slowly trying to de-tangle me from the mess of blankets. “Oh Lor, I have a question.”

“Umm, ok then ask.”

“Well last night, you were sort of um screaming. I guess it just was a bad dream. But care to share?” She sat down on the edge of my bed, pulling the last part of my blanket off my face. Her face was emotion-less.

“Hmmm, I don’t’ remember, sorry.” I was such a liar.

Last night I had the dream with my dad in it. Twice in less then twenty four hours and I did know that I was screaming. It woke me up. This dream needed to stop, I was already going crazy. It probably meant nothing, I was just being silly.

“Oh and here’s your iPod, it ended up on the floor.” Ava put it on my nightstand, and went back to rummaging for her book.

“Thanks, that must be great for Merv.” Yeah I named my ipod, actually my mum named it. Got a problem?


I was up and dressed, walking around the grounds. I need some time to think, some privacy, it was drizzling. So I was sure to get my privacy, no one comes out when it’s raining. Besides, I love the rain. Most people want sunny days and cloudless skies. I am the total opposites. I wanted to stop walking, so I spread out my jacket and sat down underneath the big tree next to the lake.

Hmm. I love the smell of the rain, sweet and electric. I brought my knees up and hugged them to my body, slowly rocking back and forth. A burst of lightning lit up the sky. It was absolutely beautiful, the rain blurring my surroundings, like paint running on a canvas. The lightning highlighting everything around it. The wind whipping my hair around my face and the thunder conducting the storm. I could sit here for hours, doing nothing and still be happy. I wasn’t thinking about anything, not my dream, my future, not even Sirius. The “Shhhhh” sound of the rain and the pitter patter on the leaves calmed me. I sat there just sitting. That is until I heard footsteps behind me. I didn’t want to turn but I could feel someone behind me. I looked straight forward, my eyes narrowing. I knew who it was. I just knew.

“Hey Lor, I just wanted to make sure you are ok, no one knows where you are. Well I do obviously….. “He sat down beside me.

I didn’t want to ruin the moment, if I said anything then he would think I wanted to talk. Then he would bring up yesterday and the dream. But I couldn’t just not say anything, so I carefully kept him off any kind of subject that might lead to the dream.

“How did you know I would be out here?” Ok well I really wished I had brought another jacket, I was freezing my arse off. My teeth were gently chattering so I closed my mouth to stop them.

“I don’t know. I just know that you liked the rain. It was just a guess.” Sirius took off his coat and put it around me. The smell was intoxicating, I slid my arms through and leaned against the tree so I could look over at Sirius.

“Thanks, so, why did you want to find me?” I was dancing on a fine line. My question sounded like an entrance to his question. But it wasn’t and he knew that.

“I don’t know. I was sorta bored I guess. James disappeared some where with Lily. Yeah Remus is my best friend, but he is reading. So it’s not the best idea to interrupt.

“Wait, Lily and James went where?” I was laughing and Sirius started too. It was a bark like laugh. Usually obnoxious, but not today, not at all. It was nice.

He leaned over, putting his arms around my shoulders. I leaned back slowly setting my head against his chest and he put his chin atop my head. I was comfortable and happy. We sat there for awhile, watching the rain.

“Um Lor?” I opened my eyes slowly, I wasn’t asleep. I couldn’t sleep.

“Hm?” I looked up at him, he was smiling and looking back

“I think we should go inside, look.” He pointed out from underneath the tree, it was pouring. I could barely see anything around me; I don’t know how I didn’t notice. The sound was loud and slightly deafening.

I sat like I was for one more minute, then I slowly got up and picked my jacket up. Took Sirius’ off and put my own on, handing his back to him.

He slid it on and grabbed my hand, “Ready… 1….2…3… GO!” I was confused, what were we doing? Ok I was confused til he pulled me out into the rain and started running to the castle.

I tripped a couple of times but every time Sirius tightened his grip and let me get my footing again. By the time we were back in the castle, we were soaked. My hair was sticking to my face in separate bunches of light curls and waves. I was shivering still. Sirius’ hair was sticking up in different areas and his eyes were the prettiest color of blue, I have ever seen. He was shaking his head like a wet dog. I was laughing. It seemed like that was the only thing I had been doing while I was with him; laughing.

He lightly took a strand of hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear. He touch made me shiver but he couldn’t tell. The cold was doing the same.

“Come on, let’s go get some warm clothes. Race ya to the common room.” He looked at my with an eye brow cocked, in a challenging way.

“Yeah ok, on the count of three, you count it off” He was on two and I started running. I could hear him pretend to growl at me and I just kept running, as fast as I could. He was right behind me, he grabbed me around me waist and pulled me behind him and took the lead. He won of course, he probably would have anyway.

“Cheater” I said surprised.

“One shouldn’t speak.” He said the password and we walked in.

“Hey loves, um why are you dripping wet?” Ava was sitting in a chair reading Twilight.


Twilight…. Is amazing
Stephanie Meyer is amazing
Me, Lily, and Ava are all obsessed
And in love with Edward Cullen
If you haven’t read it I advise you too
Like it’s just the most amazing thing in the
World. Ok well anyway…


“We were sitting outside when it started pouring, enjoying yourself some Edward?” I walked to the edge of the stairs ready to go up and change.

“Wait, who’s Edward?” Sirius looked so confused, I stifled a giggle at the look on his perfect face

“Go get changed, I’ll tell you in a bit.” With that I left him starring and ran up the stairs.

As I stood there undressing, I started thinking. Today with Sirius was so much fun, it did seem like he liked me, I mean it did right? If not then he bloody well was a great friend. I was over thinking, I did that a lot lately. I grabbed my purple, dark blue and black plaid aerie boxers and my matching black cami. I threw them on and put my hair up into a pony-tail.

I hopped down the stairs with perfect balance, surprisingly. At the end of the stairs on top of the table was my, well ok my brothers, gray hoodie. I put it on and sat down next to Sirius. He was wearing gray sweats and a white tee.


Speaking of Avery, he does go to Hogwarts. But at the moment he is helping our great aunt with something at her house. He will be here soon enough.


“Ok so who is this, Edward you speak of?” Ava glanced up at us, wanting to hear my answer.

“Ok well, he is the most amazing guy on the face of the fictional earth and I want his children…even though he can’t have any. But that is beside the point.” I was rambling and Sirius was just starring between me and Ava.

“Um ok, so why is he so amazing? And what do you mean fictional?”

“Well he is just described as this amazing human, er sort of, and I mean fictional, as in he is in a book.” I stood up and grabbed Ava’s copy, sticking her book mark in place and handed the book to Sirius.

He looked at the apple on the cover for a moment and turned it around and read the back. After a minute or so he started thumbing through the pages and reading random parts. Every so often when I knew where he was, I would give my critique on the page. He stopped in one area and started reading:

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb….”

I glanced up at him and he looked at me. Before I even though about it I said that next line in the book.

“What a stupid lamb”

Sirius smiled at me and continued

“What a masochistic lion.”

He closed the book smiling at me with this look in his yes, I couldn’t think of a word for it.

That was one of my favorite parts of the book.

“Loren, what does that mean?” He said it slowly and handed the book back to Ava. She took it slowly and looked at me oddly.

“Well, I suppose it means that Edward being the superior creature and Bella would be inferior at least she thinks. He is the stronger of the two and then she would be weaker, a pairing you normally wouldn’t see. Two totally different um creatures falling in love against all odds, they made it possible for each other. The greatest of loves.” I looked up through my lashes.

Sirius looked down at me and placed his hand on my arm, “Well what’s wrong with two totally different people falling in love?”

“Ughhh----“I didn’t know what to say, I was just out spoken, my heartbeat increased and I let out a breath.

Lily ran into the common room and up the stairs. I was saved by the emotional red head. Me and Ava got up and ran after her, leaving Sirius sitting alone on the couch.

We ran up the stairs into the common room, Lily was on the bed with the covers over her head and we could hear shaky sobs. I sat down on the floor next to the bed.

“Lily, where have you been and what’s wrong?” Ava sat down next to her and rubbed her back.

“Lily, why are you crying, please tell us what happened!” I was on my knees at the end of the bed looking up at her.

“I – I- I like James. “ She was sobbing

“Well of course you do silly, we all knew it, well at least me and Lor did.” Lily pushed her head out and Ava reached over to smooth her hair out.

“What do you mean you knew?” She looked slightly upset that we knew her news.

“Well it was obvious sweetie, but why are you crying? Did he do something? He better not have or I’ll kick his ass.” Ava’s has a bit of a temper when needed.

”No, he didn’t do anything. We were just talking to the professor about our duties this year and he seemed so mature and different.”

“Well maybe he is Lily; he wouldn’t be the only one who has changed.” Lily looked at me with a questioning glance and I just turned my head toward the window and stared out into the rain. I didn’t know what I would have said to Sirius if Lily hadn’t intervened.

Ava and I sat there with Lily for the rest of the night, a bit confused and amused. She cried about liking James. At one point I could feel hot tears prickling my eye lids. There wasn’t any real reason for me to cry, but I was just frustrated with myself. Ava just sat there and looked gone. I wanted to kick her and make her cry with us. I wish she would admit to liking Remus, sure they were total opposites. But don’t opposites attract? We sat there, the three musketeers. We ended up eating chocolate and calming down enough to just talk. We were there for each other. We knew it. Being able to cry together bonded us forever.

We had school in the morning, so we talked and felt sorry for ourselves til 11:30 and then we showered, got out our clothes out for the morning and lay down in my bed. Sometimes one of us would sniffle. After a while we mellowed out and blew out the candle. I put my iPod in the speaker thingy so we all could listen.

The last song I heard made me think what it might be like to be with Sirius. More then friends, I knew that we could be together. We knew everything about each other. We fit together like puzzle pieces, but I just wished he knew that.

Him and her
Life is turned
The day I knew you would leave
I can barely breath
Can you hear me scream?

Thrown in all directions
You epitome of perfection
She's lost her will
(She's lost her will)
Time is standing still

A/N- Ok so this is chapter four. The last song is Time stands still by The All American Rejects. Hope you liked it and I figured since I had it written to give you a bit from the next chappie.
If you like it review and if you don't review. Just review if you would.

I reached across the table and gave him a smack over the head. I was laughing at James’ immaturity when Sirius pushed his plate forward with so much strength, food went flying everywhere. He got up and marched out of the Great Hall.

“What the bloody hell is his problem” I asked wiping mashed potatoes off my face.

Chapter 5: Anger managment
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Warning- this chappie may have some harsh language in it.. just thought you should know  (^_^)

It's a disaster
It's an incredible mess
But it's all we've got now
Yeah it's all we got

It’s a Disaster- Ok go.

The first couple days were boring. We did absolutely nothing, well beside get seat assignments and learn what we would be doing during the year. I used this time to doodle and think. I was trying to find ways to rid myself of the feelings I had for Sirius.

I woke up on Wednesday earlier then the other two, taking advantage of this rareness; I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I turned the water on and let it heat up, after a few seconds I got in. I inhaled a sharp breath at the change in temperature. Slowly relaxing and getting use to the water, I leaned my head back and let the water run down my hair and into my face. I turned so I could wash my face and my body. After I was done cleaning myself I stood there, watching the suds wash down the drain, making a small cyclone of white bubbles.

I got out as the last of the suds washed down and dried my body. I took the towel off my head and let my damp waves fall over my shoulders in a dark chocolate curtain. I grabbed my toothbrush and tooth paste and slowly brushed away the taste of morning. When I was down I reached over to the shelf and grabbed my eyeliner and mascara. I put on enough just to make my marble like eyes pop. I looked up at the mirror, crinkling my nose. It would have to do.

“Loren, Hun, I need to get in the bathroom.” Lily sounded a lot better then she did the other night. Oh well, I was done in the bathroom anyway. I grabbed a black bobby pin out of the box of hair supplies and opened the door.

“Wow, you’re up early. Maybe you can actually eat today.” Lily walked past me not even waiting for an answer.

I made my way over to Ava’s bed, she was asleep still and I slowly shook her. Her blue eyes flickered open and she blinked a few times.

“Hmmm, why are you up? Usually I have to wake you up.” She sat up stretching her arms over her head and got up striding over to her dresser.

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know, I guess I just had enough sleep.” I let my towel slip off and got dressed in my uniform. I put the bobby pin in, just so it looked like I tried to do something with my hair.

Lily came out five minutes later and her Ava dressed in silence. I knelt down by my bag and put everything I needed in it. Slowly slinging the strap over my left shoulder and standing up to adjust my skirt, I walked out of the room. I know I didn’t say good bye to the girls and I did usually wait for them but I was ready so, whatever.

General Point of View

Lily and Ava stood there a bit hurt by Loren’s abrupt departure.

“What do you think is her problem?” Lily asked Ava, grabbing her tie and putting it on.

“I couldn’t tell you but she’ll tell us eventually.”

Lily let out a frustrated sigh; Loren told her everything, didn’t she? Lily wasn’t use to her cousin being so drawn away from her. She was going to make it her mission to get Loren to open up, but not push her to much.

“Oh well, I’ll see her in Ancient Runes.”

The girls grabbed their stuff and made their way to the Great Hall. On the way down they pasted the Marauders doing only god knows what.

“What are you up to, Potter?” Lily spat taking her frustration out on the first person she saw.

“Nothing Love, why so bitter this morning? But just so you know the bitterness makes you so sexy!”

Lily made a face of disgust; she opened her mouth, ready to retaliate

“JAMES, YOU ARROGANT, BAST-“Remus cut across Lily’s rant, attempting to save his friend.

“Prongs, I think it’s a good idea for us to go, good seeing you Lily.” Remus grabbed James by his collar and pulled him down the corridor.

Ava thought it was best to give them a head start, after a few moments she grabbed lily’s hand a skipped down the hall in the same direction.

Loren’s Point of View

I was walking slowly down the corridor towards Ancient Runes dragging my feet over the stoned floor. I had skipped breakfast in my attempt to get away from everyone, I’m pretty sure Lily will be pissed at me but she can handle it. I don’t really know why I wanted to get away but I knew I wanted too. Hopefully I won’t have to deal with Lily til later, she wouldn’t talk in class. Besides she sits three rows in front of me. My stomach gave a low rumble, ugh ok maybe I shouldn’t have skipped breakfast. I sat down across from the ancient runes door with my back pushed up against the cool wall.

“UGH, what’s wrong with me lately?” I picked at the loose thread on the end of my skirt.

“You do know that talking to yourself is one of the first signs of going insane?” Remus walked over and sat down next to me.

“Yeah well I’m pretty sure I have passed all signs. I am nowhere near sane, that’s for damn sure.” I turned towards him smiling.

“I think you’re sane, er sort of. Come on lets go inside.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door.

Remus sat down right in the front and I walked farther back and sat down. Today was going to last forever. I can never seem to make up my mind, I get mad if time goes to fast and agitated if it goes to slow. There has to be something seriously wrong in my head, er maybe not but still. No, I was definitely sure that there is something mentally wrong with me.

“Lovely, now I’m arguing with myself!”

“Sorry?” A deep velvety voice came from the left of me. I turned slowly to apologize for my insane outburst but choked on my words.

Oh Dear Jesus, I have no clue who he is but he is hot. I’ll tell you what he looks like in a second, let me just find out his name.

“Er…. Sorry.” My cheeks tinged pink and I waved my hair over my shoulder.

He let out a low chuckle. “Don’t worry its ok, I’m Sebastian Parker, I’m new here.” He reached out slowly to shake my hand.

“You’re American?” I blurted it out. “Sorry, it’s just your accent, or I guess your lack of.”

“Yea I’m from Maine but do you mind telling me your name?”

“Oh yea sorry, it’s Evans. Loren Evans.” Oh god did I seriously just imitate James Bond?


He. Is. Adorable.
He has dirty blond hair that is long and goes into his amazing, hazel eyes.
When he smiled at me I noticed he had one dimple on the left cheek
And his teeth are immaculately white.
His nose his adorable and he has a few random freckles blanketing his nose
Like Sirius….. Er no
Like Sebastian...


“So Sebastian, what school did you go to?”

“Well actually, I didn’t I was home schooled but I wanted to try something new, ya know?” He was leaning towards me and I towards him.

“Excuse me Mr. Parker, Ms.Evans, class has begun, so could you please pay attention.”

I squeaked an apology and turned towards the front. Every so often Lily would turn around and give me the death glare. She was pissed, I knew she would be.

Ok, so what’s going on with me? I think I might possibly like the new kid. If it’s possible to like someone you met five minutes ago. Is it? I don’t know anymore, sure I have liked other people and I have gone out with other people while I liked Sirius. But this time it’s different, I think. I hate being confused, it gives me a migraine. But maybe Sebastian likes me and if he does, then wouldn’t it be smart to like him back. I mean, it makes more sense to like someone who potentially likes you back, un-like the whole Sirius/me thing.
Ugh there is no Sirius/Me thing. Get it through your thick skull, Loren. Sirius doesn’t like you. He likes the busty, curvy, bimbos. It could possibly worth trying with Sebastian; I mean it might not be exactly fair to him. Should I go out with a person if I like someone else too? Wait, I don’t even know if he likes me at all. My life is such a disaster, everything is a mess.

I sat there, thoughts spiraling through my head at an alarming speed. I was about to bang my bloody head against the desk, when something landed on it with a soft –thud-

I picked up the tiny, folded paper and read:

What in god’s name is your problem?


Yep, I knew it was coming. I reached for my quill and slowly scrawled.

Nothing, what would make you think that?
I am perfectly fine.

P.S- Look we have the same initials.


Loren, there is too something wrong with you. Don’t lie!
And did you seriously just realize that we have the same initials?


Why yeah, my dear Lily, I did.
And fine I am a bit preoccupied, sorry.
But did you notice the new kid, Sebastian.
I call dibs. Haha
But seriously, pretty cute, aye?


Ok, well next time please tell me, especially if you need to talk.
And I swear you can be so….. clueless sometimes.
And yeah he is ok.
But I’ll have to talk to you after class; I have to finish my notes.
You should too.


I twirled the piece of paper around in my palm. Lily wasn’t upset with me that was a relief. But still, I was still very confused. About everything.

A hand tapped my shoulder lightly and I was pulled out of my daze.

“Loren, class is over. Would you like to walk with me?” Sebastian grinned down at me and offered his arm to me.

“Wow, Mr. Parker. How very chivalrous of you!”

“Yeah and who said chivalry was dead.” He laughed as we walked out of Ancient Runes and onto the grounds.

It had finally stopped raining, much to my dismay, but at least me and him could walk around. I wanted to get to know him. I had known him for an hour and I wanted to know all about him. I lead him over to the tree by the lake and sat down slowly, patting the grass next to me.

“Sit down, I don’t bite.”

“Oh yeah, because that’s what I was thinking.” He sat down slowly and turned towards me. “So Loren, what were you thinking about in class? I mean obviously you weren’t paying attention.”

I leaned back, closing my eyes and letting the sun soak in.

“Hmmm, absolutely nothing, so why did you choose to come to Hogwarts?”

“I don’t know, why not. I was sick of having my father teaching me. I never see anyone. So I figured, I would try something different. So far I like the experience.” He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Funny, I’m enjoying your experience too.” I blushed a little but I wasn’t ashamed at what I said, not at all. “So, today was your first day?”

“Yeah and what about the know-it-all girl, Lily, I think her name was.”

I laughed a little but honestly I was a bit peeved at him. Yeah Lils was a know-it-all but only I was aloud to say that.

“Oh, you mean my cousin?” His eyes opened wide and I knew an apology was coming, so I beat him to it. “No, it’s ok, she can be a “know-it-all” I lifted my hands and did the quote fingers.


That night at dinner, I told Lily all about Sebastian. Me and him had spent free period doing nothing but talking.

I learned that he had, two brothers. Loved to snow board, played softball, loved the Yankees and couldn’t live without Twizzlers.
His mom had left his dad when he was two, too which I gave a sympathetic smile. He had a dog named, Spike. I learned a lot more but I was way too energized to name everything.

“LILY isn’t he so cute.”

“Loren, you have asked me this about seven hundred times and every time I tell you that HE IS OK!”

The boys came into the Great Hall, laughing raucously and pushing one another. Sirius sporting a flaming red cheek.

“What’s so funny?” Lily questioned them as they sat down across from us.

“Sirius’ latest Girlfriend didn’t like being broken up with.” James was talking into between gasps of laughter.

My stomach lurched into my throat; I hated hearing about Sirius many fan-girls. All they did was throw themselves at him. But it’s not like Sirius minded all of the attention. I pushed my plate away hastily.

“So she slapped you? Who was it anyway?”

“Claudia Stevens and yeah that girl has quite the temper.” He massaged his cheek lightly.

“She’s a right bitch; well at least she seems like it.” I covered my anger up. He didn’t need to know I was jealous; there wasn’t any reason for me to be jealous. That he knew of.

“So Loren, the new guy has taken to you, hasn’t he?” Remus looked at me knowingly

“I have not a clue as to what you’re talking about, Remus. So Lily, where is Ava?” I knew full well where Ava was. I just needed a change of topic.

“Oh no, you don’t get away that fast. So do you like the new guy, Sebastian is his name, yeah?”

Stupid James, he couldn’t just leave it alone.

“Uh, well I don’t know….”

Sirius looked right up at me. His steel eyes bore into my jade ones. I looked away nervously and continued:

“Yeah, maybe a little.”

Remus gave James the, “I told you so” look.

“LOREN AND SEBASTIAN SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G” James was singing obnoxiously.

I reached across the table and gave him a smack over the head. I was laughing at James’ immaturity when Sirius pushed his plate forward with so much strength, food went flying everywhere. He got up and marched out of the Great Hall.

“What the bloody hell is his problem” I asked wiping mashed potatoes off my face.

Everyone shrugged and Remus and James slowly got up and followed their friend out.


A week had passed and Sirius was still acting funny, I didn’t understand why he was so cold towards me. I didn’t worry about it much though. He would get over what ever he was mad about. At least I hoped so.

It was Wednesday and Friday was our first Hogsmead weekend. Everyone was super excited to be able to get off the grounds. I was just excited because tomorrow was my 16th birthday. We all had planned to hang out and have small birthday celebration for me there. But since Sirius’ little outburst, I didn’t know what we were planning on doing.

Me and Sebastian were slowly getting closer and I was still confused on the whole “Loren/Sirius/Sebastian” thing. Yes it has become a thing. I thought about it enough to make it have its own name and everything.

At the moment Sebastian and I were sitting in the Library, finishing an Ancient Runes essay. I was more then half way done and was slowly working on the conclusion. I looked up something in my book and was about to copy it down. But Sebastian closed my and slide it over into his lap.

I glanced up confused, slowly setting down my quill. Sebastian looked like he was struggling with something. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing as his forehead crinkled.

I snorted “Um Sebastian, are you ok.”

“Oh yeah fine, just thinking about something, so 16 aye.” He poked me in my side and I let out a squeal of laughter.

The librarian popped out of nowhere and told me to quiet down, or she would quiet me down herself. Oh my god, did the librarian seriously just threaten me? I better steer clear of her.

“Yes 16 and don’t poke me. I don’t like it.” I exhaled slowly. “Well so much for finishing this essay, somebody stole my book.” I narrowed my eyes playfully grabbing my book back and flipping to the right page.

‘So you’re going to Hogsmead with your friends tomorrow?” Sebastian asked me as he drew little scribbles on the corner of his parchment.

“Yep and you should come to as my new honorary friend. It would a lot more fun with you anyway and it’s my birthday, so they can’t argue.” I placed a period at the end of my essay and rolled it up, finally finished.

Sebastian glanced at my slowly, his hazel eyes smoldering. His face started to turn a slight shade of red and I wondered why he was blushing. He opened his mouth slightly, as if looking for the right words. Finally after a few minutes had passed by, he inhaled a gust of air.

“Loren, will you go to Hogsmead with me, as more then friends, as my girlfriend?” The words flew out of his mouth in a rush of hope.

He stared at me for a few seconds. I sat stock still, shocked by his abruptness. My mouth a gap slightly and my eyes opened wide. His eyes were pleading with me. His eyes were ambitious and bright.

“Uhhh… I …er… um…?” I stuttered stupidly.

Oh man.Ok, so I hoped you liked it. I don't have much to say except, reviews are extremely amazing and here is the pre-view for the next chappie.

And BTW I will take any review. Good comments or bad, I want to know if there is any ways you think I could improve my story and/or what you might like to see in my story...

And without further ado.....

“Loren, I am giving you to the count of three. 1... 2...” Lily was putting me down slowly.


“Well fine then I won’t give you any time.” She let go and I slumped onto the bed.


Chapter 6: All Alone
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.
Another lesson burned
And I’m drowning in the ashes, Kicking, Screaming


My World- Sick Puppies


I am currently lying fast down in my bed, my duvet dragged up around me. I am never coming over, ever. I’ll take classes in here, graduate, go through many birthdays, and then die. So when this does happen they can have my body and my duvet, which by then will be permanently fused to me, dragged away.

I am such a mean, evil, sadistic person. I loathe and pity myself. How could I be so greedy and selfish intentionally? I should be locked away in Azkaban, sentenced to two centuries of imprisonment. I would absolutely deserve it. I should be kept very far away from any human contact, I would only hurt them.

I am never coming out.

“Loren, sweetie, please come out now.” Lily was desperate.

“NO, I am such an awful person; I shouldn’t be exposed to the poor world.” I pulled the covers around me tighter.

“Would you please tell us why you’re currently planning your life being spent in your bed?”  Ava didn’t understand. 

“No, I am not relieving the awful memory. Please leave me alone. Please?”

As I said that, the scene from the library started to unfold behind my eyelids. NO, go away. I pushed it to the back of my mind, out of my consciousness. I can’t believe what I did, I was an absolute coward. I gripped on tighter. I want to disappear. 

“LOREN ADALAIDE” Lily’s voice was thunderous and lethal; she took a slow calming breath and continues, “Please come out, or I will drag you out.”

“I want to see your try!”

Oh crap, it was out before I could control myself, you don’t challenge Lily. She will inevitably win. I rolled over to my back and grabbed the blanket in large handfuls.

Lily stood up grabbed the covers, with probably all the strength she could muster. I braced myself, and hooked on like a hungry leech. I was clinging tooth and nail. I looked my legs and arms to keep still and tight.

“Lily, please stop, it’s for your own good, you can’t divulge me to the innocent world. I’ll tear throw it, damaging everything around me. I’m a bloody tornado.”

“Lor stop it! And are you biting the blanket?” I told you, I was literally clinging with all my might. 

“Yes and I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t bothering my period of self-loathing.”

“Loren, I am giving you to the count of three. 1... 2...”  Lily was putting me down slowly.


“Well fine then I won’t give you any time.” She let go and I slumped onto the bed.


Accio Lor’s blanket.”

The blanket was ripped away from my iron grip. The force of the spell hurt my limbs. Stupid Lily can’t leave well enough alone. I buried my face in the pillows, slowly massaging my sore arms. 

“Lily Anne Evans, I hate you with the deepest burning passion.” My voice was dulled by the pillows.

“Oh thanks, I love you too. Now please explain to me, why you are so evil.” She was smiling; I could hear it in her voice. Stupid, ingenious, smart, annoying, cousin.  Ok, I know the stupid, ingenious thing was an oxymoron, whatever.

“But Lily, It’s bad! Do I have to?” 

I sat up slowly, I knew her answer. I looked over into the mirror. Oh jeez, I was a right mess. My curls and waves were frizzy and messy. My uniform was wrinkled. I stood up and changed into sweats and a hoodie. I sat down on the bench next to the window. The sky was gray and cold. Like me, except I’m not gray. But I would be, when I’m older I will end up being bitter, and gray. 

Lily and Ava threw me annoyed looks. I motioned for them to come over and sit. They sat down across from me, shielding the way out with their backs. Escaping hadn’t even crossed my mind, til now.

I could have left, went to the Common Room. Sebastian is in Ravenclaw, no way for him to get me up here. 

I tucked my hair into the hood and tightened the string. Procrastinating was my best bet at this point. But I knew I wasn’t getting away. I grabbed my stuffed black dog, Ori. Don’t ask where I got the name, I honestly don’t know. I was five when I got him from my daddy. I hugged, Ori lightly to my chest and looked up.

 I slowly told Lily and Ava the whole conversation. I explained to them why I was so awful.


‘So you’re going to Hogsmead with your friends tomorrow?”  

“Yep and you should come to as my new honorary friend. It would be a lot more fun with you anyway and it’s my birthday, so they can’t argue.”

“Loren, will you go to Hogsmead with me, as more then friends, as my girlfriend?”

“Uhhh… I …er… um…?”

“No, it’s ok. I shouldn’t have asked” 

“Wait Sebastian, I’ll think about it.”


I looked away and slowly finished. 

“I grabbing my books and threw them into my bag. I could hardly look Sebastian in the eyes. I literally ran from the library to my bed. Making no stops. I was awful and embarrassed. I left Sebastian there, sitting by himself.”

Feeling even more awful then before, I slowly stood to lie back down.

Lily grabbed the back of my pants lightly, pulling me down.

“Loren, why do you feel so awful and why did you say you didn’t know?” She was staring me straight in the eyes, I felt naked.

“I don’t know, I was just nervous but can we drop it, I told you, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

She smiled at me and nodded. I lay back down and snuggled into the bed. I guess I shouldn’t feel too bad; it wasn’t that bad, what I said.  Maybe Sebastian won’t hate me, I am still awful though. I drifted off, into a very fitful sleep. I didn’t know what my answer was going to be, I would have to give it awhile.


I’m actually sleeping; at least I think I am. I was walking around the grounds. Just walking. I was incredibly tired and some whacks were singing. Wait, singing, but there isn’t anyone around. 

I was starting to wake up, I could feel it. I felt a sore spot on my arm where I think a bruise was forming. I brushed over my arm and rolled over. I didn’t want to wake up, because if I did I would just have to think more about what I was planning to do. 

“Is she dead? She won’t wake up!”

“No, don’t be silly. Of course she isn’t dead, she just rolled over.” 

“Ok then, let’s try again.”

I could see a flicker of light, it light up my eye lids. I squeezed then shut tighter and tried to drown everything out. 

Except for the heavenly smell of cupcakes, mouth watering. Ugh, whoever was singing needs to shut their sodding mouths. My mind clicked and I realized who was singing.

“Happy Birthday Dear Loren, happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuu…….”

My eyes flickered open, suddenly flooded with sun. It was my birthday and the two crazy people singing were Ava and Lils. And they had cupcakes, yummy. I reached up but lily smacked my hand away.

“Blow out the candle first, make a wish.” Lily reached over and kissed right cheek sixteen times. 

We decided a few years ago, that instead of pinching or hitting the number of years you are, we would kiss or hug. It’s a lot less violent and not as painful.

“Happy birthday love, make your wish. Or else your cup cake will be all wax.” Ava hugged me and put the cup cake right in front of me.

Hmm a wish, that could come in handy. What should I wish for? There are so many options. Wealth, love, happiness, status. No, I know what I want to wish for. A sign, I’ll wish for a sign, maybe it’ll help me decide what to do with Sebastian. 

“Happy Birthday to me.” I whispered as quietly as possible and blew the candle out. Oh dear god, I hope this wish comes true. 

“Hopefully your wish comes true, but don’t tell us, then it won’t” Ava took the candle out and set it on the stand next to my bed. 

I licked the frosting off my fingers and slowly ate it. Savoring the last delicious bite.

“Ok Loren, go get ready.” Lily patted my head and got up to get dressed.

“Ready for what?”

I slithered deeper into the bed, I wasn’t going out today. It was Hogsmead day, surprisingly on a Thursday. I didn’t want to leave, Sebastian would see me. But if I didn’t go, I might not get a sign. Oh jeez, I can feel a argument starting, with myself.

“For Hogsmead and don’t you dare say that you aren’t going.” 

“I’m not going!” That was final. I could stand up to Lily without being afraid of her, I was one tough chick.

“Ok suit yourself” Her and Ava disappeared down the stairs.

I won, she gave up. This was already a good day

I was falling back to sleep, the pillow over my head, blocking any means of light. I heard the door open; it was probably one of the girls grabbing something.

“UMPHHH” The wind was knocked out of me and I groaned in pain. “Get off me, whoever you are! OFF OFF OFF!” I was kicking and screaming in protest of the two lumps of weight on me.

“You guys, get off of her, we can persuade her some other way!” 

“But Moony, its way more fun this way! Right Padfoot?” 

While they were distracted I pushed them off of me and heard a loud thump as they hit the ground. Wait, does this mean Sirius isn’t mad at me anymore? I threw the covers off and was smothered with testosterone filled bodies. 

“AArghhh, cooties!!!” I jumped out from under them and ran to the other side of the room. “CIRCLE, CIRCLE, DOT , DOT, NOW I’VE GOT THE COOITE SHOT, SQUARE, SQUARE, SQUARE, SQUARE, NOW I HAVE IT EVERYWHERE.” I was poking and prodding my palm. I love how mature I am

“Aha, oh so funny Lor, Happy Birthday.” Sirius hugged me tightly.

“Oh so you’re not going to be, Mr. Pissy Pants anymore?” I hugged him back

“No, sorry, I was just er thinking about something. A bit upset, I was.”

“Well ok, but don’t do it again.”

“Ok I promise, Mum.” 

“Oh hardy har har. Alright James, Remus? “I walked over and hugged then both.

“Yeah, Happy birthday oh and by the way, I heard from a certain red-head, that you’re not going to Hogsmead?” 

James waited for my answer, this was Lily’s plan, she was going to get me to go to Hogsmead. Nope, I was standing my ground there was no way I was going 

“Yes, you heard right. I refuse.”

“Loren, I can honestly tell you right not, that that isn’t a good idea.” Remus smiled at the other boys and laughed. I was really confused.

“Well, I already made up my mind, so er there.” I stuck out my tongue.

“Ok well then you are forcing our hands.”

“Yeah, exactly right James my mate, forcing our hands.”

The boys strode towards me arms out stretched. I backup up slowly backing into Lily’s trunk and falling backwards, I stood up again and jumped on her bed. I stood there for a few seconds, wondering where to go. They were right in front of me, my only exit. I jumped over them, thinking they would move away. Boy was I wrong!  They grabbed my waist, flinging me down. I kicked and hit, trying to get away but they threw me onto their shoulders, carrying me like I had won some championship. I knew right then that there wasn’t any point in fighting back, they might drop me on my bum. And thanks but my bum has had enough bruising for two life times. 

“Either you get dressed now, or, we take you to Hogsmead in your pj’s. It’s your choice, love.” 

“Ugh fine let me go, I’ll go silently.” 

They dropped me down and turned towards the door, closing it behind them. I had this weird feeling that if I tried making a break for it, they would be right there guarding the door. I was stuck.

I put on a pair of jeans and a maroon sweater, threw on my converses and pulled my hair down. I put some eye liner on and I was done. I grabbed my maroon and gold scarf and gloves. It was only September but it was surprisingly nippy. I silently made my way down to the Common Room and glanced at Lily; I gave her my evil stare and went to stand next to the guys.


We had left the school five minutes later, me complaining the whole way. Right now we were standing at the gates of Hogsmead, ready to go in. I hope to go that I don’t see Sebastian. I feel too ashamed to see him.

“Ok, so since I am being held hostage….where to first?” I put my hands behind my back, to indicate my imaginary shackles.

“Well even if you’re our hostage, it’s still your day.” James reached behind me pretending to unlock my pretend shackles.

“Ok well I vote for the Candy Shop, I am in dire need of chocolate.” I placed my hand palm up my forehead, I am so dramatic. 

“Ok to Honey Dukes it is and then how about from there Zonko’s?” Sirius asked hopefully.

“Well if you’re a very, very good little boy, then maybe.” I snickered at the look of shock on his face and walked up the lane.

I was literally salivating when I walked into the tiny store. Every kind of chocolate was at the tip of my fingers. I was giddy with excitement. I was running back and forth, from rack to rack wondering what to buy. Finally I had seen exactly what I wanted. Cookies n’ Cream chocolate snaps. They are little square boxes of chocolate, when they hit your tongue they make a snapping sound and taste like Cookies n’ cream ice cream. They might sound weird but they are the best things in the universe. 

There was only one box of them left. I flew forward, pushing people down in an attempt to grab them. As I got to the rack someone cut me off and grabbed them. I was ready to fight to the death.

“EXCUSE ME but those are MINE!” I lunged forward onto the guys back, I was making a scene.

“Lor have you gone nutters? Geroff me.” Stupid Sirius, thinking he can steal my candy.

“Not unless you drop my candy!” I smacked his hands to loosen his grip.

“No, it’s my favorite. So get away you crazy person.” 

I dropped down and it came to me! I would get those candies, if it was the last thing I did.

“Sirius can I pwetty pwease have them.” I gave him puppy dog eyes and my bottom lip trembled.

“No, sorry but no.”

“But Sirius they are the special multiplying ones!” I stood in front of him and pointed to the bag.

“They are, really?” I slide the bag from his hand while he was occupied.

“Of course, silly. So I’ll buy them and we can chare, ok?”

“Yeah ok, that’s sounds good.” 

I grinned with victory and made my way to the counter. I paid for them and slid them into my bag. Sirius was definitely a bit vulnerable when it came to multiplying candy.

“Hey mate, you know she was lying right? It doesn’t multiply. You pretty much surrendered the candy.” Remus said patiently.

“Wait, what?” 

“She conned you, stupid. Just when I thought you were going to win the argument.” James smacked Sirius over the head and walked toward the exit.

“Wait Loren! You lied, they aren’t multiplying are they?!” He looked sort of hurt that I got past him so fast.

“No of course they don’t multiply, but I wanted them. It’s chocolate, I’m a girl. I will do anything.” I flipped my hair over my shoulder

“That’s not fair, though!” 

“Yeah well, who said I fought fair?” 

“You’re an evil little thing aren’t you?” 

“Adur! Mwhahahahaha” I gave my best evil laugh and grabbed his arm. “Come on; let’s go to the joke store.”

We were in Zonko’s for what felt like hours. The guys walked out, smiles on their faces, with bags and bags of merchandise. Me and the girls had gotten bored after about twenty minutes of; “Oh my god, you guys, look what this does.” Then another guy would reply, “Wow, that’s wicked.” And then they would buy it. So we sat outside on a bench. We had stopped at a new clothing store and had bought some stuff. I had gotten three new outfits, thanks to Ava. 

I was currently on my 3rd cup of coffee, I was addicted. Lily started me on it though. I was frozen and my bum had fallen asleep forever ago. When the boys came out, we jumped up, glad to be able to go somewhere else. I tumbled into the bush, getting exasperated glances from everyone. I stood up and rolled my eyes. It wasn’t my fault that I was a walking disaster. 

We walked over to the Three Broomsticks. When we got inside the warm atmosphere engulfed us. Everyone ordered butterbeer, besides me and Lily. We didn’t drink, even though it had very little alcohol, I still wouldn’t drink it. I ordered hot cocoa instead. I sipped the frothy, warm beverage and was relaxed and content. 

“So Loren, do you know what you’re going to say to Sebastian?” Lily had to bring it up didn’t she.

“No I don’t and let’s not talk about it!” I was being positively stubborn, oh well.

I closed my eyes, pressing my head against the back of the seat. I could feel the warmth of the cocoa in my throat and stomach and I was instantly tired. I would probably kill for a bed.

I opened my eyes and decided to go through my bags, just to see everything I got again.  I looked at the first shirt I had gotten. A black tee with Ariel, my second favorite princess, she was sitting in the boat with Prince Eric. 

I started humming, which then lead to singing the “Kiss the girl” song under my breath.

Sing with me now
My, oh, my
Looks like the boys too shy
He ain’t gonna kiss the girl
Ain’t that sad
Ain’t it shame, too bad
You gonna miss the girl

“What are you singing Loren?” Remus asked me with a smirk on his face.

Lily was tapping her nails on the table in beat. Ava was doing this weird sit down dance.

“Oh nothing, it’s a song from one of my favorite movies. The Little Mermaid.”

“Oh that movie with the yellow and blue fish and the singing crab?” 

“Yep, that’s the one and don’t make it sound pathetic. It’s not! By the way their names are flounder and Sebastian.” It took a minute for the name to click… Sebastian.” OH MY GOD SEBASTIAN, THE SIGN.” 

I was like screaming, people turned around from where they sat just to stare. I oh so politely gave them the finger and turned to Lily.

“What was that about?!” 

“Nothing, just something I remember.” I gave a nervous chuckle and changed the subject. 


Not soon after did we leave. I was still being stared and they suggested going back to open gifts. I wasn’t going to say no. So we slipped out of the Three Broomsticks and walked up to school. There were still a few hours til curfew so there weren’t any carriages waiting. 

I trailed behind a bit, tightening my scarf at the brisk air. My curls whipped around my face and the wind made my eyes water. 

"Are you better then yesterday?” Ava asked my slowly

“Yeah I am, I promise.” I kissed her forehead lightly and kept walking. 

On the way in I told them I had to go to the bathroom wicked bad. So they left me and went on ahead. When I finished I came out and Sirius was waiting for me.

“Thanks for waiting, I hate walking in the corridors alone.”

“Yeah, I know that’s why I waited.” 

“Thanks but um about yesterday, why were you being so rude?” I took the lapse in conversation to add the question

Sirius face turned cold and dark. I recoiled a bit; he scared me when he was really mad.

“No reason.”

“Sirius Orion Black, please tell me.”

“No Loren, drop it!” 

“No, I don’t want to; I want to know why you were such an ass out of nowhere!”

He turned around, stopping me fast. I stumbled backward but regained my balance. Sirius looked at me with such dark eyes; I wanted to run away from him. I might have to if I wasn’t against the wall.


I flinched when he yelled; the anger in his voice was liquid anger, flowing out his mouth very fast.. 


He voice was stinging me. I was flared up. He wasn’t going to scream at me and not expect anything back.


“I WAS NOT, CAN’T YOU STOP? CAN’T YOU EVERY THINK ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOUR DAMN SELF!?” I backed up farther against the wall as if I had been slapped

I could feel the hot tears in my throat. I wanted to slap and punch him. I wanted him to hurt like he was hurting me.



 He was walking away. He couldn’t, I wouldn’t let him. I grabbed his arm and with all of my might and spun him around.



My voice was becoming hoarse and it hurt to scream, I wanted to hate Sirius for getting me so mad. All the git ever did was mess with my emotions. But I suppose it’s not his fault, he didn’t know. 


I knew it was wrong for me to call names. I was just mad and in the heat of the moment. Ugh, he promised he wouldn’t make me mad anymore! I instantly felt bad and went to put my hand on his chest. I needed to calm him down, I needed to calm down. I barely remembered why this argument had started.

I put my hand on his chest lightly and felt his heart racing. Once he realized what I was trying to do, he grabbed my hand and flung it down. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME, LOREN.” He spat the words, enunciating each with their own venom.


Oh yeah, that’s what we were fighting about. It was so petty I had forgotten. I am so self destructive. I always have to ruin something when it’s good. There wasn’t any point for me to be mad but I was. I was infuriated 


Sirius cut off. I was confused as to why. But then slowly I heard footsteps, light like a girls. 

“Loren are you guys over here?” It was lily; I quickly walked over to her. I didn’t want to see Sirius, I was too mad. But lily had excruciatingly bad timing. I still didn’t know what was wrong with him. 

“Oh there you are Loren, where is Sirius?”

I turned to where he was standing. Was Lily blind? He was right behind me. I turned my head about to point to where he was, but he wasn’t there. There wasn’t anything to point to except complete air. He was gone He left. He left me all alone.

“I don’t Lily, I honestly don’t know.” 


Authors Note- Okie well let me start by saying I loved writitng this chappie and I hoped you enjoyed reading it.
And then a bajillion and two thanks to my reviewers who make writing this so much more worth it.
Especially (sp)-  
ilovehim52, craziiJBlove, dramaqueen728 for reviewing almost every chapter. And then  xMonkeyx, because your review made my day : ) And then to everyone else, thank you no matter if you only reviewed once or twice you are still all the most amazing people to me aha!
And if you havent reviewed you should, they help me to improve and to see what to do to my story.
And now after making you read all of this, I suppose you deserve a sneak peak at the next chappie. ; )

I jolted back and flew down. This had to be right. No going back and no doubts now.


I hit the ground hard, stumbling but caught my balance.  I smiled up at Ava and started running. As fast as my legs could carry me, I launched myself across the grounds, toward the Oak front doors.

Sliding my hand over the cool metal I pulled it forward.



Chapter 7: You will?
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because, I gotta get outta here


Be my Escape – Relient K



I was staring into the last of my cold coffee. Contemplating whether or not anyone would notice if I attempted to drown myself in it. I shook my head to clear away the suicide by coffee thoughts and re-filled the cup. I kept getting that lingering feel of someone looking at me but I kept my eyes down. I didn’t want to know who it was.


I was playing the scene between me and Sirius, as if it was some horrible play. Don’t I wish it was, then we could leave stage and be friends again. It would be so much easier if life worked that way. It had been two whole weeks since me and Sirius had talked. We barely looked at each other. No witty remarks shared between each other, no random laughter to make the days go by faster. Nothing of the sort.


Oh and maybe I should also mention, two weeks since Sebastian asked me out. Give or take a few days that is. I realized that maybe it would be a good idea to go out with him, see what it would be like. Had I done anything about it yet? Oh no, of course not. Silly little me, just too caught up in Sirius’ immaturity.


I took a sip of coffee, scalding my tongue and mulling over the puddles of thoughts in my head. I could feel the stare, burning a whole in my head, not literally of course.


I slowly looked up, wondering who was so interested in my head. Stupid curiosity always got the best of me. You know that whole, “Curiosity killed the cat”, well my Grams used to say, “Satisfaction brought it back.” Yeah well, I wasn’t exactly satisfied by the persistent eyes.


Sirius’ slate colored eyes blinked a few times after catching my glance. When he realized I was staring back he gave a grimace of disgust and turned away, leaving me looking at the side of his head. I made a weird strangled whimper in the back of my throat and attempted badly to cover it up.


Yeah I was going to drown myself in the coffee.


I was in god only knows where, inching my nose closer and closer to the surface of the black liquid, when Lily pulled me back to reality.


“Lor, are you ok? You haven’t said a word and you look like your trying to stare down your coffee.” She slowly slid the cup away from my eye shot.


“Oh yeah fine, just thinking, Lily do you have classes today?”


“Yeah, why do you want to know?”


“Well because, I don’t. My only class today was Arithmancy and it was canceled.”  Lily and I were the only people to take Arithmancy in Gryffindor, besides Remus. The class had been canceled because the teacher had supposedly discovered a new magical meaning to the number 24. Whatever, at least it meant class was canceled.


“Oh, I don’t have classes either! We can do something today.” Ava squeaked in glee. I’m telling you, only Ava can squeak and not make it look nerdy.


After saying our good bye’s to Lily, we went to the common room.


“Yeah ok, what’s on the agenda then?” We were lying on separate couches drawing shapes in the air with sparks emitted from our wands.


“Whatever my fellow, how about a quick ride?” Ava stood up stretching her arms above her head.


Yeah, I could ride a broom and pretty well for not have much balance. James insisted on teaching us in 2nd year. Which was all well and good until he made me do some trick and I fell off the broom. I ended up breaking my wrist and dislocating my shoulder.


“How about later, let’s do something not so productive first, because if you hadn’t noticed, it’s only 9:30.” I pointed up at the clock, seeing the portrait of a woman standing at a cliff. I had some pretty good peripheral vision, if I do say so myself. The portrait reminded me of a scene from, “Pride and Prejudice”.


That’s it! I jumped up, grabbing Ava’s hand pulling her out of the door and to the 7th floor corridors. She didn’t question me once, only laughed randomly as I ran down the hall, dragging her in my wake.


I was muttering random words, trying to figure out a correct phrase to say. Words kept flying through my brain, back and forth.


I stopped abruptly and turned to my right, facing nothing but wall. Striding back and forth, or forth and back, as Ava says, saying; “I want a room, perfect for me and Ava.”


It was a bit vague but hopefully it was enough. I pulled the handle that had popped out of nowhere and jaunted inside.


“Oh my Lanta…..” Ava glanced around, taking the look of the room in.


The walls were deep red, with black pillows and blankets all on the floor. There was a tiny fridge and shelves of chips and goodies on the far west side. On the east was a tower of movies, alphabetized, just like mine at home. Taking up the whole North wall was a huge movie screen, just right so you could see every bit of it.


“Movie marathon?” I pulled “Pride and Prejudice from the stack and flashed it at Ava.


“Oh yeah, definitely. I don’t care what anyone says, Mr., Darcy is hot!” I laughed and stuck the movie in, leaning back on the pillows.


I don’t understand why Lizzie didn’t realize that Darcy was infatuated with her. I mean, she couldn’t have been that oblivious. He was playing hard to get, wait can guys do that? It was a movie, obviously the most unlikely person to like you, would like you. But wait, she didn’t know it was a movie or even a book. She was a just an innocent, helpless character. Is that how it always is, movies or real life. You’re just too oblivious and all in your own world to notice that the person right there, all the time, liked you. Sirius was like that, was I like that to Sebastian? I never thought he would like me, he is too perfect. Was I the oblivious one? Was he frustrated with me, like I was with Sirius? He must have been that’s why he asked me out. He couldn’t wait for me to figure it out on my own, that might take forever knowing me. Wow, my whole life was just a circle of stupid people.


“Loren, do you think Remus likes me?” I choked on my piece of popcorn and turned to Ava.


Why did everyone always bother me while I was attempting Loren time? Ok yeah that sounded selfish. I took a sip of my soda and passed the bowl of popcorn to Ava.


“Of course he likes you, why wouldn’t he?”


“No, I mean like, like.” She had looked up at the screen and kept moving her bangs out of her eyes.


Told you she liked him. Now what to say.


“Well… me and Lily think so. Do you like him, hun?”


She looked down and fiddled with her charm bracelet. Breathing deeply, opening and closing her mouth, like a fish.


“Well … maybe… er.. I mean.. Ya know.” She looked so confused, I felt bad for putting her on the spot. ”Yeah” She sighed slowly and laid down.


I sprawled next to her, rubbing circles into her back. “Well what are you going to do about?”


“What do you mean?”


“I mean, how you gonna get your man?” It sounded so strange coming from my lips, I bit back a giggle and kept lightly rubbing her back. “I’ll talk to the bloke, if you want.”


“Oh I don’t know, he probably won’t like me. But you know, I really, really do like him.”


“Why wouldn’t he like you?” There wasn’t any human reason for him to not, Ava was this perfectly, sweet, beautiful human being. Why wouldn’t he?


“Because, I’m strange, I’m not as book-ish and I’m not his type.”


“What? Remus has a type, did I miss the memo? Because as far as I know, Remus is a good person and doesn’t do the whole stereotype, one tract dating kind of thing.”


“I just don’t know, so ah how are you and Sirius?” I cringed back and she knew she said the wrong thing. “I mean, what are you going to do about Sebastian?”


If only I knew. What was I going to do about Sebastian? I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good opportunity.


“I don’t know Av’s, what should I do?”


“I think that’s for you to figure out.”


“Yeah, I guess. So another movie then?”


“Yeah but wait, where is Avery?”


“Ah like I know, I have no clue where my brother is. He was supposed to be back 3 days ago.”




After 3 more movies (Carrie, Employee of the Month, and Grease) and enough popcorn to supply an army, we went up to the dormitories to get dressed. It was sorta sad that it was 3:00 and we were still in PJ’s. I sat on my bed, still procrastinating. I liked my jammies, a lot more comfy then jeans.


I looked over at the mountainous pile of presents. I hadn’t yet opened my present from my birthday, I was too mad to even attempt it. Yet it was three weeks later and I was still avoiding. I slid onto the floor and over to the pile. There was a present from everyone, except Ava, her gift was the three outfits. I had presents and letters and I had even avoided opening my Mum’s letter. She’ll be furious but I needed to cool down.


I reached over and took hers first.




Happy birthday Sweetie, hope your day is amazing. As it should be, I wish we could be there but I’ll see you soon. Hope you like your gift. Write back soon, you haven’t written more then twice this year!

                        All my love,



I grabbed the little box and slowly tore the paper, showing a green box. I took the top off, peering inside. I gasped and dropped the lid.


It was a long gold chain, thin but felts strong. At the end there was a thin solid gold star. At each point of the star, there was a little midnight blue sapphire. I slid it between my fingers, touching the engraving on the back. I flipped it over and slowly read it;


Happy Birthday, our dear, sweet, baby girl



            Daddy, Mum



Oh no, were they trying to make me cry. I shouldn’t have started with their gift. I aggressively whipped the tears away and unlatched the necklace. I put it on and stood up to the mirror. It lay lightly and elegantly over my collar bone, making my eyes sparkle, contrasting the green against the blue. It was the prettiest thing I have ever seen. Oh no, I’m tearing up again. I flopped down, ready to distract myself and keep opening.


The next gift was a set of Ancient Runes books from Remus. Of course, who else would get me books? They were very nice though, leather bound and thick.


James got me a diary, burgundy leather and gold laced pages. It had a note on the front that read;


Figured you might like this.

Write in this to vent anger, instead of bottling up

And yelling at your friends……


I smiled slowly until I realized what it meant. Sirius and his bloody big mouth, James only got half the story, which made his best mate sound all so innocent. I snorted obnoxiously and set the diary down. Stupid boys all so stupid and…….


Lily got me a bracelet. It was three puzzle piece, they broke apart and had separate chains. Each said friends but then they all had their own messages. They blinked little summaries of the kind of friend we were. I had to figure out which one belonged to whom. But I could do that later.


The last was a huge box with a red bow, wrapped delicately around. I untied it and pulled out a big black mass. It was a dog, a big black dog with grey eyes and shaggy hair. From his collar fell a note.


I though maybe Ori needed a friend. So here he is.

Make sure to take good care of him, his name is Canopus.

Weird name, yeah I know. But it’s the second brightest star, after Sirius of course. Aha. Happy Birthday



My stomach turned over nervously at the name. It was such a nice gift, no one would really understand. But I was really attached to Ori and now he had a friend. How cool was that. Only Sirius would come up with that. Jesus, I really miss him. But he’s so immature and rude. I don’t know what to do anymore. Wait; have I ever known what to do?



I sat down on the bed, my gifts thrown around me. Picked up James’ gift and opened it to the first page. Grabbed my quill and ink and wrote;


Hi, I’m Loren. I’m a walking disaster.

I can’t make up my mind.

I’m 16 and confused.

What’s a girl to do?


I waited for the ink to dry and shut it tight; I set it slowly down on the bed side table. My new diary, my new confidante.




Oh great, just what I need.

To write to inanimate objects, my sane-ness just shot down.





I fingered my pendent; I brushed each line and point on the star. I loved it, it was perfect. My mum and dad were the best gift givers. Maybe I should write to them, I missed them so much. Especially my dad, those dreams were becoming more consistent and more detailed. I blocked them out, numbed the pain as best as possible. I wouldn’t let it get to me. I reached again for my ink and quill and some paper.


Daddy, Mum,


I am so unbelievably sorry for not writing sooner. I have had so much homework, it’s been nearly impossible. I loved the gift. It’s so beautiful and simply perfect. Where might I ask is Avery? I’m off with Ava for a quick ride. Again, I’m completely sorry. Love you Daddy tons, Love you Mum.

                                   -Your apologetic Daughter.


“Loren, ready to fly?” Ava leaped off her bed, pretending to fly out the door. I trailed behind, letter clutched tightly.


“Sure, I have to stop at the owlery first though.” I linked arms and pulled her towards the Owlery.


It took my forever to find my stupid bird. I clicked my tongue and called but the thing is stubborn and doesn’t seem to like me too much. I think it’s because of its name; I had insulated it so now it would forever seek revenge. 


“KITTY, COME DOWN HERE!” I clicked my fingers impatiently. Yes, I named the damn bird Kitty. I think it’s cute, sue me!


Ava pushed my back and grabbed the letter.


“Pretty birdie, please come here. If you come down there will be a nice treat when you get back. Maybe a nice fat mouse.” Ava cooed gently


My medium sized gray, black Elf owl swooped down and landed neatly on Ava’s arm and sticking its leg out. I cursed quietly under my breath and crossed my arms.


“You’re my owl, you’re supposed to obey me” I whined childishly


“Lor, you have to be patient and sweet.” She let the owl fly off out the window and skipped merrily down the stairs.




We had been on the pitch, flying carelessly when I shouted toward Ava.


“AVA, what do I do? Should I try and get Sirius back as a friend, or should I talk to Sebastian?” I was getting desperate. I needed friendly help.


She flew towards me and hovered next me.


“Well in all honesty, I think you should try to get close to Sebastian. Sirius has been your friend for years! He will come around eventually, whilst Sebastian might get bored and give up. So I think you should lean more towards the latter.


I thought about it, playing back the words in my head. She was right; Sirius would come around, right? So trying with Sebastian wouldn’t be bad. It would be a new experience. I didn’t need Sirius’ approval. I needed to do what was best and that was Sebastian. I mean it had to be. I really liked Sebastian, I did. But I also really liked Sirius. I’m utterly and completely confused.


“I think you’re right Ava, dear. But will he actually still want me anymore; it’s been nearly a month.”


“There is only one way to find out, love.”


“And that is?” I felt incredibly stupid.


“Go get your man.” I giggled at Ava.


I waited for her to continue, until I realized she was serious. I starred incredulously. How could it be that easy, it was the same advice I gave Ava. So maybe I should follow it. My own advice, it could work.


“What are you waiting for, GO!” Ava gave me a light tap, not wanting to push me off my broom.


I jolted back and flew down. This had to be right. No going back and no doubts now.


I hit the ground hard, stumbling but caught my balance. I smiled up at Ava and started running. As fast as my legs could carry me, I launched myself across the grounds, toward the Oak front doors.

Sliding my hand over the cool metal I pulled it forward.


Where could he be? Library maybe, I ran past students at dinner. People giving me perturbed faces, I didn’t care. I kept running, my heart thumbing in my ears. I searched the library. No Sebastian damnit, where is he?


I bolted towards the Ravenclaw dorms. My legs taking over, my hair was whipping around my face and I could feel sweat on my brow. But I couldn’t stop. I clutched the stitch in my side but kept running.


I saw someone, far down at the end of the corridor, the build of Sebastian. It had to be him. I kept going, my hair a mess, my skin probably blotchy and red, my clothes all wrinkly, I kept going.


“SEBASTIAN!” I screamed out, trying to catch my breath.


“Loren?” Sebastian asked, squinting towards me.


I stopped within five feet of him and gulped cold gulps of air. My hands were shacking and my legs felt like marshmallow. But I had to say it.


“Loren, are you ok?” His velvety American accent, thick and smooth was all to caring.


“YES! YES! YES! YES!” I couldn’t get any other words to escape my lips.


“Uh ok then, did you want something?!” He scuffed his shoe on the floor.


“I wanted to say, yes! I will be your girlfriend I will. I’m sorry it took so long, don’t give up on me. I want to try this out.” I was practically hyperventilating. I was gasping for air. I calmed down and leaned forward, placing my hands on my knees. In and out Loren, just breathe.


“YOU WILL!” Sebastian shouted at me, his eyes were wide and he looked shocked. He placed his hand under my chin and gently lifted it. “You will?”


“Yeah, why not.” I laughed my answer out and he laughed after me. It was what I wanted. Sirius would see eventually. My breath caught in my throat, Sirius.


He would come around right?


He just had to. 

Alex's Note : )
Okie so it's been  awhile. But that would be the fault of the queue closing but still. Anyway. I'm not sure I like this chappie too much but I just wanted to get a little Ava-ness into the story. Ya know? I hope you like it. and now a little poll-ish thing...

Chapter 8: Miserable Boys and I told you so
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

And I can't stop dreaming
Watching you and him
when it should have been
it should have been me


Learning to Fall- Boys like Girls



“You’re Serious?” Sebastian asked excitedly.


“No, actually that’s James’ best mate.” Did I really just say that? What an awful joke.


“Wait, what?”


“Nothing, sorry but yes I will absolutely go out with you! Sorry for sort of avoiding you.” I looked down and slid the mood ring on and off my finger.


Ava got me the mood ring, thinking it might help me decipher between emotions. It was pretty but not much help. At the moment it was purple, green and pink, which according to the card meant; confused, fearful, uncertain, and bored. Wow that described me well, except for the bored part that is. I’m not bored, why would I be bored?


“Why were you avoiding me?” He asked carefully, like he expected me to turn around and continue on avoiding.


“Well, I was just confused. That’s all.” I grinned up at him.


“So I’m guessing you’re not confused anymore.”


“Oh no, definitely not confused.” I slid my hand into my pocket, hiding the mood ring, stupid piece of junk it was. It was wrong, I was not confused.


Sebastian reached down and hugged me, his hands close to my waist. I hugged back but it felt awkward. His body to hard and cool, unlike Sirius, he was hard but warm and welcoming. No, stop it now Loren, stop thinking that! You choose Sebastian, you want Sebastian.


I released him after a few seconds and looked up, wondering what to do next. He took my hand, lacing his fingers through and started walking.


“To dinner then, girlfriend?” He turned smiling down at me.


At the sound of those words I stopped, dead in my tracks. It took Sebastian a few seconds to realize that I stopped; he looked back at me questioningly and dropped my hand.


“Are you alright Loren?” He put one hand to my cheek softly.


I flinched away but covered it up with a curt nod; I bit my lip nervously and grabbed his hand. I walked to the Great Hall lost in my own head, I didn’t even notice the death glare that came from Sirius or half the girls in Ravenclaw. It seemed my boyfriend was pretty well liked.


He walked me to my seat and went to kiss my cheek, I let him but it felt strange. What was my problem? I have had boyfriends before but what was it now that made me want to run and hide at that word, girlfriend. I was just getting use to Sebastian right, right! Ok, it was solved.


“Oh my god, Loren you took my advice!” Ava leaned over and hugged me tightly.


“Wait, what advice? What happened?” Lily was anxious for answers.


“I decided to say yes to Sebastian.” I said it as quietly as my voice would allow.


Lily gasped and smiled this huge grin. Peter the guy’s weird friend started singing:




Over and over again as obnoxiously as humanly possible it spilled out of his mouth. I told you he was weird.


Sirius got up and stalked out, hadn’t this happened before. And please someone pray tell what is up with his attitude lately.


“What the hell is his problem lately? Jeez, he’s like a girl during that time of the month!” I took a sip of my Pumpkin juice and looked up at everyone.


“I don’t know Loren, what could his problem be?” James slammed his empty cup down and jogged after Sirius. Remus smiled apologetically and walked after them both.


I sat there starring at the missing form of James. What was he implying? I surely didn’t know what was wrong with Sirius, why would I? Whatever, he wouldn’t get to me. It wasn’t my fault that Sirius was so pissy. Now was it.


Even in my head that last three words came out more like a question then a statement, I needed to stop doubting myself. I sighed slowly and let my head lean on Ava’s shoulder.


“Ok well, how about we get some homework done…” Lily finally caught our attention.


“Wait, you guys! Did either of you notice how Remus looked?” Ava sounded scared and nervous.


“What do you mean, sweets?”


“Didn’t he look sorta sick?”


Now that she mentioned it…


But that was anything different, at least once a month Remus was sick and out of class. Maybe he had some kind of condition. He always said it had to do with his mum but he was the one that looked ill. But he wouldn’t lie; we have known his forever, why would he lie to us? He did trust us right?


Lily spoke up, “Yeah he did, but it was probably nothing. It starting to get cold, being November. Probably just got a cold.”


Ava nodded in agreement but I knew she didn’t believe Lily. God, Lily didn’t even believe herself. There was something up and believe me we would end up finding out before school ends. We will.


“We’re gonna find out right?” I asked anxiously


“Yeah, we will.” They answered in unison


Told you!




Sirius’ POV.


I was shoveling down heap-fuls of food. Had to be ready for tonight.




I choked on my food; James gave me a thump on the back. What did Pete mean, Lor had a boyfriend? 


Loren blushed a furious shade of red and ducked her head. She slowly looked back up and nodded at Lily. DAMN IT!


I pushed away from the table and strode out. It seems like I was making some sort of habit out of this. I ran up the stairs, hearing James yell after me.


“Padfoot, stop. PADFOOT!” James was right behind me but I wasn’t stopping.


This is absolutely ridiculous, how senseless can Loren be? Why would she want Sebastian, she deserves much, much more.


I burst through the common room door, scaring some first and third years. I made my way up to the dormitory, kicking the corner of the dresser as I walked in.


My foot throbbed painfully but I didn’t care, I was so angry.


“Sirius, you heard me calling, why didn’t you stop?” James slammed the door open a minute after I walked in. Moony came in not too soon after.


“Because obviously I didn’t want to stop, ever think of that?”


“Stop being a git! I understand how you feel but you can’t keep acting like that. “He ruffled his hair away and out of his eyes.


“How James, how do you know how I feel?’


“Because, I have been after Lily for years and she doesn’t seem to ever get it!” He sounded annoyed and I felt bad for making him say it.


“I don’t like Loren, what made you get that idea?”


Why would anybody think that? Me liking Loren, that wasn’t possible. Of course I didn’t like her. I was just mad that she picked such an ass to go out with. That’s all and it was a perfectly good reason to be mad.


“Are you naïve Padfoot? Of course you bloody well like her, you have for years, don’t say you don’t you know you do, why else would you be so mad about Sebastian?”


I looked over at Remus, he would back me up. Prongs was being stupid. I hadn’t liked Loren. I would have known that. I mean, I didn’t like her did I now?


“Moony, do you believe this guy?” I snorted at James and looked at Moony.


“Actually I do Sirius; it’s painfully obvious that you like Loren, to everyone. Just not her or you, I suppose. James is right, if you don’t like her then why are you so threatened by Sebastian?”


“WHAT? I am not threatened by Sebastian. I just don’t like him. He isn’t good enough for Loren. He won’t treat her right, she deserves better, she deserves-“James cut me off before I could finish my sentence.


“Of course you don’t like him; you never like Lor’s perspective boyfriends. You say he won’t treat her right, he isn’t good enough, then who is? If it hasn’t been her last few boyfriends, then who could it be Sirius?”


“James she deserves more, she deserves so much more. Loren deserves…”


“You, is that who you want to say Padfoot? She deserves you and you her?”


I turned around and kicked the dresser again.




I screamed not only ‘damn’ but a few other unmentionable vulgarities.


“No, I wish I was worthy, I’m not. She deserves the world.” I finished quietly, the pain in my toe making my eyes sting and my head throb.


“Admit it you like her, you have for awhile now.” Remus sat down on my bed and looked right up at me. He looked like hell; I couldn’t lie to him when he was “sick”.


“No I won’t admit to liking her Remus, it would be a lie. It’s so much more then like, so much more.”


I did I liked Loren, a lot, why wouldn’t I? She is perfect, she didn’t know it but she was. There were so many guys who wanted her, but none of them as much as me. I have sat along and watched her go from this guy to the next all not good enough. But still I say nothing, I can’t ruin our friendship. She is so beautiful, she is great. Damn it.


 I like Loren.


I sighed flopping down on the bed, massaging my temples with my fingers. What was I going to do, nothing like usual? But I needed her, I wanted her. But did she like me back? I’m not good enough for her, no one is.


I was in the middle of my self loathing when James found it fit to add;


“I told you so Padfoot.”


I threw my pillow at him; he dodged to the side and ran out of the room. In my attempt to hit him, I knocked down the lamp. It landed with a crash, glass littered the ground. I took the moment to dash into the bathroom and turn the shower on; I didn’t need to be interrupted while I hated myself for liking someone as great as Loren.


I heard Remus mutter “Reparo” and then leave the dormitory. I was alone to think, which I was thankful for. I know I didn’t have long; it was full moon tonight, which meant we, the Marauders, were busy. Well the Marauders minus Peter, he wasn’t coming. He sure was acting strange. He has been for awhile now but I had bigger things to deal with.


Loren had a boyfriend; I wasn’t going to ruin that for her, even if he wasn’t the right guy. What was I going to do then? I would have to get over her, yeah that’s it I would get over her.


And soon.




Loren’s POV.



I was standing with my back pressed against a bookshelf, looking up and down each stack. Me, Ava and Lily were in the library catching up on some homework.


My current project was for Charms, I had to pick a charm and discuss its uses and how to properly do it. Easy enough right, it didn’t even have to be in essay form. Just a list, definitely easy enough.


I paced up and down each row, sliding my fingers over the spines, not paying attention to my surroundings. Dust floated lightly in the last few rays of evening sunlight coming from the window. I waved my hands over it, clasping and opening my hands. Is it possible to catch specks of dust? Yeah, I didn’t think so.


I turned the corner without even looking. I collided with a solid form and landed on my back, looking up at the ceiling. The form didn’t even stumble back, stupid form.


“Oh god, I’m so sorry. Here let me help you.”


I shook my hair off of my face and pushed myself up with my elbows. Of course my luck, I was starring into Sirius eyes. I blew one ebony strand of hair out of my face and ignored his hands, which were trying to help me up.


“Next time watch where you’re going, Black” I said.


Whoa, where did that come from?


At the sight of me or the sound of his surname, Sirius did some sort of demented double take. He opened his mouth but turned around and shot away before he or I could say anything.


I stood up and brushed myself off, what was his problem? I pushed the thoughts away and went back to looking for a good book. My eyes focused on the title, Anthology of Eighteenth Century Charms. This would have to do.


I walked back to the table we were camped out at and furiously started turning pages. I was taking my anger out on a book, poor unsuspecting, innocent book. Lily grabbed the book and turned to the index for me.


“That might be easier, now you don’t have to attack the book Loren.”


“So you guys, how are we going to figure out what’s up with Remus?” Ava looked up from her papers and raced an eyebrow.


“I don’t know, wait were doing it tonight? I thought it was more of something that would happen gradually.” I said


“No, Loren we’re starting now, stop procrastinating.”


“Excuse me I resent that.” The girls gave me the, “But it’s the truth” look. I cleared my throat, “I never said it wasn’t true but I do still resent it.”


“Ok so, how about we start at the root of Remus?” Lily suggested


“Hm, which would be what exactly, Lils?”


Ava clapped her hands together and leaned in whispering, “His room.”


I looked at them like they had lost it; they wanted to go sneaking into someone else’s room. Were they kidding, where was my sensible Lily? Who might I mention is a Prefect!


“Oh no, I cross the line there, we are not rummaging through others stuff.”


“We won’t rummage, we’ll merely glance through Lor. Now come on!” Lily and Ava grabbed both of my arms, leaving our stuff behind. 



They dragged me all the way into the Common room, which was all but full. There wasn’t anyone in there. God, now there weren’t any witnesses, I wouldn’t be able to escape the loons. They pulled me up the boy’s stairs and opened the door.


It was an absolute mess, except for one area of the room which I suspected was Remus’ side. The girls let me go and closed the door with a short snap.


“Ok well since I’m here, what do we look for first?” I walked over to what I guessed was James bed and picked his quidditch robes off of the ground.


“I don’t know, medicine, notes, something.” Lily made her way over to me and pulled the robes out of my hand and threw them back down. “Careful, it needs to look like we weren’t even here.”


Ava was ‘glancing’ through someone’s trunk, Lily in another’s book bag. I myself went straight to the bathroom, ya know, medicine cupboard.


I stepped over a pair of boxers and kicked them to the wall. What slobs they were, I have half the mind to clean up for them. But I won’t that would be slightly disturbing.


I opened the door to the cabinet and filched through bottles of aspirins, razors, deodorant, condoms, and colognes. Wait, condoms, icky. Sirius is such a man-whore. And yes, I am going to directly assume they are Sirius, who else’s?


Sirius is always the one bragging about his conquests. Well maybe not bragging but he implies.


Nothing out the ordinary was in there, well nothing out of the manly ordinary. I quietly closed the door when I heard Lily.


“You guys, check this out.” I gladly left the bio-hazard bathroom and made my way to where Lily stood. She had a piece of parchment in her hands with the names; Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Nothing but their names.


“What do you think it is?” Ava asked


“Well, I personally think it’s a piece of parchment with names on it.” I cheekily answered.


“Obviously Loren but there has to be something else with it. It wouldn’t be just sitting here. There isn’t any use for names on parchment.”


I leaned against the door, rolling my eyes. I wasn’t stupid, I was being sarcastic. Of course it had some other identity. Secret paper that is was, it had to have some other ulterior motive, being in the guy’s room. I heard footsteps coming up behind the closed door and ran to the middle of the room.


“Well, I wish I could tell you what it is, but the guys are coming in.” I pulled the girls over and under James bed. It was the first place I could think of.


“Oh my god, what are we going to do?” Lily hissed.


“Well first of all we are going to keep quiet; second off I’m going to say “I told you so”……..I TOLD YOU SO! I knew we were going to get caught and thirdly, er, ugh, I ran out of things to do.” I hurriedly went through my list.


We sat there for another few seconds before the door opened and three adolescent males walked in.


Ew, why did I pick James’ bed to hide underneath of? There was an inch of dust and mud caked to the ground, and wrappers littered the ground around us. There were a few boxes and books thrown carelessly underneath. Slob, slob, slob.


“We don’t have much time you guys, so hurry up.” Remus sounded worst and a lot more worried.


“Ok what do we need?” Sirius asked and sat down on James’ bed. His feet landed right in front of my face, I flinched and made a weird noise. Lily’s hand flew to my mouth and covered it tightly. The boys stopped talking and sat in complete silence.


“What was that noise?” Sirius asked.


“The wind most likely.” Remus walked across the room and I’m guessing shut the window.


“Ok so, we’ll need the map and the cloak. That’s all right?” James said before he leaned down and put his hand underneath the bed, grasping for something. I pressed my mouth more tightly against Lily’s hand.


Oh god, we were so going to get caught. Every time his hand reached towards one of us we pulled away lightly. He finally grabbed a box that actually had a top and pulled it out, but not before his hand grazed Lily’s face. They froze for a second but kept pulling out. Once out, he pulled off the top and folded out a silvery translucent piece of fabric and kicked the box under hitting me in the face. My luck!


I rubbed my cheek lightly and blew out a shaky breath. Ok so far so good.


“Now where’s the map?”


They searched the room for a few minutes before I concluded that the map was that piece of parchment that was still in Lily’s hand. I whispered my revelation to them and Lily gently slid the paper out into the open. After a few more minutes searching Remus reached down and grabbed it.


“Ok it’s practically time mates, let’s go.” They scrambled out after him, leaving us alone and relieved.


“You know, I hate you two.” I voiced after pulling myself out from underneath the bed.


“We love you too.” They chorused after me.


We went to the window and looked out at the grounds; we could make out 3 specks making their way to the Forbidden forest, before they pulled on a cloak and vanished fully.


“I guess we aren’t figuring it out tonight.” I said and pointed towards the vanished forms.

Alex's Note- Okie soo. Happy Summer to all. I'm going to try and get chappies out faster and I have some of them pre-written which helps.
So there isn't much to say besides Sirius reallizes something a little too late and the song lyrics at the begining are more reflecting Sirius in this Chapter.
So I wanted to try a different POV in this chappie hope it came off well.
So review please. Tell me if you like the story and what you like about it.

Now maybe I should give you a sneak peak.

I sputtered at his words, letting my wand fall out of my hands. My body was numb and I was probably going into shock. After what felt like a decade my wand hit the floor with a loud clattering sound. The door flew open and mind you I was still pressed against it.

Right before I hit the ground face first I saw the wide, caramel colored eyes of Remus.


Chapter 9: the boy who cried wolf
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
but everybody's changing And I don't feel the same.


Everybody’s Changing- Keane



It had been almost a week since the encounter with the boys, but could it really be called an encounter, when half of the party doesn’t even know they are encountering it (boys)? I don’t know, I’ll have to ask Lily later. But after the ‘encounter’ the guys left and so did we, trying our best to fit together any clues. We still couldn’t come up with anything realistic, though it could really be anything, I mean for heavens sake we are witches, what did reality have to do with anything? Well the boys had been gone til that next afternoon, after classes were done, and surprisingly throughout the day none of the teachers asked about their absentness. We also know that they went into the forbidden forest, we seen them going in but disappeared right before actually entering the forest. Those weren’t really helpful clues, hell they might not even have to do with Remus and his sickness or whatever it was.


I came back to present day and glanced down the table at Remus. He looked perfectly fine, not sick, and not un-happy. Just regular, which was a relief to me; I didn’t want to figure out why he was gone once a month. Sure, I was upset that he lied about seeing his mum, obviously he wasn’t but if he wanted to tell us, he would.


Lily and I were eating breakfast minus our other best friend and the guys. Ava was at the library and the guys were eating with Sirius and Sirius wasn’t talking to me, which resulted in separate areas of the table.


We (Lily and I) were waiting for the mail, rather impatiently. Ok that was just me; I needed my letter from my Mum. I needed to know where the hell Avery was. It was mid October and still no sign of my brother, I was getting really worried.


I was tapping my foot anxiously against the bottom of the table. I sighed exasperatedly and reached for a berry muffin. I started breaking it into pieces and popping them into my mouth, chewing greedily.


I love berry muffins.


“Lor, the mail.” Lily set her spoon down and pointed towards the gray, could filled ceiling.


My head shot up and sure enough my black owl, Kitty, was soaring towards me. He landed with a small thump a few feet away from me. I jumped out grabbing the owl and un-ting the letters from its leg. I shoved the rest of my muffin in font of the owl and ripped open the first letter




      Sweetie, don’t apologize for not writing, we know you’re busy. Glad you liked your present so much, don’t worry about Avery.




The words were sloppy and hurried. I scanned it twice, scowling at the two sentences. Two sentences, she could at least have the courtesy of three sentences. My mum didn’t even ask how school was going, what was going on with my family?


I placed the paper in front of Lily and watched her read it. Her eyebrows knitted together and her mouth dropped open.


“What is this?”


“The letter from my mum.” I placed it back into the envelope and crumpled it up.


“Well, I know that but normally its pages long. This is two sentences!”


“Think I didn’t notice.” I sighed and picked up the next envelope, who was this from? I didn’t have any other senders, besides my parents.


I tore it open, pulling out a single square of parchment.


Pretty girl, have any nightmares lately? I bet you’re wondering who I am, don’t worry, I know all about you.


I dropped the envelope that was in my opposite hand and felt the goose bumps shower my arms. Was this a joke? Who could possibly know about that dream? It was in my head after all.


I grabbed my cup of juice and swallowed it in large gulps. It coated my dry throat and I licked my lips. I looked around me, cataching the stare of Peter. His watery, hazel eyes steadied on my bag. I gave him a curt smile, recieving a nod in return as his attention was caught by James singing, 'God Save the Queen'


How did someone know about my dream? The only person who even knew I had a bad dream was Sirius, but he didn’t know what it was about. But mind you the letter didn’t specify what the nightmare was about. So it could be him but it wasn’t, I knew it wasn’t. Sirius wouldn’t do that to me, no matter how angry he was, he wasn’t sadistic. Well sometimes his pranks were mean but only to people who deserved it right? I didn’t, besides Sirius wasn’t that cruel anyway.


I pressed my cold fingertips into my eyes and looked towards Sebastian’s table. He looked up at me and nodded, standing and walking to the entrance. I slung my bag over my arm and stood.


“Come on Lils, Sebastian is waiting for me.” I walked towards him; taking the hand he offered and walked to Runes.




During class we did some pop quiz, which I feel secure in saying I failed. I was so overwhelmed with the constant ‘being watched’ feeling that I couldn’t concentrate. I kept looking up and scanning the room, my eyes darting around bug like.


Twenty minutes before class ended we were assigned a two foot essay on the symbols for love, and then we had to describe in full detail what love meant to us. What love meant to us? I thought this was Runes, are they supposed to get that personal?


Lily got up from her seat in the front and walked back towards my seat. She asked Sebastian if she could have a moment of private time with her dear cousin and after he got up and went to talk to some other student, she sat on my desk.


“Oh Lilykins, these desks are for classes, not asses.” I poked her thigh and put on my best authoritive face and posture.


She giggled and pushed back so she sat directly in the middle of my desk. She placed both hands on my cheeks and rubbed my face roughly.


“The wind might change and your face will get stuck like that. Just a warning.”


“Oh haha.” I mocked her and rubbed my probably red cheeks.


“So anyway, love; what does it mean to you? It’s such a strong word you know.”


I glowered at the derogatory word, expressing my feelings toward it, “Icky.”


“What, why icky?”


“Well love is if anything confusing, meaningless and pointless.” I said nonchalantly.


“And how do you figure that.” Lily sounded appalled but we have had this conversation before.


“You asked.” I warned. “ It’s just a way for people to put themselves out into the public eye, emotionally, physically, and mentally and then all you get is screwed over in the end.”


“You’re bitter.” Lily accused.


“I’m honest and why would I be bitter?”


“I don’t know Loren; just don’t let your boyfriend hear you say that.” Lily wagged her finger at me disapprovingly.


“Hmmph.” I crossed my arms childishly


Sebastian came walking up, out of nowhere and laughed at my annoyed form.


“May I borrow the attention of my girlfriend Lily?”


Lily gave a chortle of a laugh and went to talk to Remus.


“So what were you ladies talking about?” He voice was soft, melodic and quite hypnotic as he leaned towards me.


“Nothing important.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag.




Just a bit of clarification, me and Sebastian are obviously a couple. I am still a bit apprehensive sometimes but otherwise it’s all good.




“Oh really nothing, interesting conversation was it then?” I could hear the beginning of a British accent trailing its way in at the end of his words.


For some reason I could feel anger boiling up. He couldn’t lose that velvety smooth, accent-less voice. He had to stick out, be American Sebastian, not American/British Sebastian. I breathed out and pulled my calm-ness back.


“Oh no, very dull.” I took his hand and walked to the library.



This was our new hangout. We had two hours of free time before lunch, nothing exciting just talking and homework. It was part of our new routine. Our routine.




After free period, we made our way to the Great Hall. Hand in hand, like normal. Everything about Sebastian and me was sweet and normal. I liked it that way, no surprises. Of course if I told Lily that she would say romance-less to. But that’s not true, we hadn’t been together long enough to have romance. Right?


On our way to lunch, some girl with blond hair and enough makeup for at least three years walked up to us, swinging her hips a little too much to look natural. I knew she was in Gryffindor and in my year but her name escaped me. Let’s just call her Barbie, as in the plastic doll. 


“Oh Sebastian, how are you today, haven’t seen you much lately.” ‘Barbie’ cooed sickeningly, the way she had said Sebastian sounded as if she would have taken him right there, infront of me. She touched her hand to his chest lightly and looked over at me, letting her hand press more firmly.


Sebastian tightened his grip in my hand. I wanted to reach forward with my spare hand and rip her hair out. Wow, that sounded bad in my head, I wonder how much worse it would have sounded out loud.


“Sebastian, is this your little girlfriend, Laura?” She picked up a tendril of my hair, between two of her fingers and grimaced.


I smacker her hand away with a loud thwack, “Loren and yes I am his Girlfriend, now we have to get going.” I pushed past her pulling Sebastian along.


Honestly who does that? Flirting with a guy that has a girlfriend right infront of that said girlfriend. Can you say, whore? 


Whoa Lor, getting a little vicious? Already you’re getting over protective and you’ve only gone out a week.


Shut up


Make me.


Oh god, I’m arguing with myself. Stop it. I mentally kicked myself.


“Loren you don’t need to worry about Carly, she’s just jealous of you. A lot of girls are.”




“That girl back there.”


“Oh Barbie.”




“Nothing and what do you mean, jealous. Why jealous?”


“Of how beautiful you are silly girl.” Sebastian said matter-o-factly.


He leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth. I tensed and pulled back.


“Yeah well I think you’re wrong.”


“I’m not, see you later?” He asked me.


“Eh maybe, Lily wants me to patrol with her.”


“You’re not even a prefect though.” He whined, but it was an adorable whine.


“Yes well some other girl is sick, so I have to help her. Cousins rightful job.” I tapped his nose and blew him a kiss, skipping off to my table.


I plopped down at the table, grabbing anything insight. I was oddly hunger, out of nowhere. I piled my plate with chicken, mashed potatoes, tons of veggies, and a biscuit or two. I shoveled down food leaving enough time in between each bite to breathe.


The Marauders came over and sat across from me, Lily and Ava. I stopped inhaling the food to stare at them. All four were there, including Sirius. I probably looked not so attractive, I was starring wide eyed and had my mouth open.


“Got enough food there Loren?” James grinned and piled his plate even higher then mine.


I snapped my mouth shut and swallowed the food in my mouth. I took a gulp of pumpkin juice and looked over questioningly at Lily; she met my gaze and shrugged her shoulders.


I looked at Sirius who was tearing apart his steak with his fork and knife; he must have felt my gaze because he looked up. Before I could even let a blush stain my cheeks, he smiled. Not a, hey can you stop looking at me smile, it was more like, hey I’m sorry, smile. I smiled back and he winked.


So he wasn’t being immature anymore, my life was actually going great. I had a good boyfriend and Sirius was being civil with me again. At least we were on a looking basis. No more grimaces and evil starring contests. Wow, what could be better?


Well you could find out who sent you that letter and also what’s up with your mum and Avery.


I clenched my fist on the edge of the table and closed my eyes. Stupid good for nothing consciousness, always has to butt in when everything is good.


But everything isn’t good Loren, what about the dream.


Ok, I’m practically talking to myself, it’s a little sad. Ok, so everything was almost fine. Better then usual. Is that good enough for you, you stupid voice.


Yes, thank you much better.


Oh god, they are going to send me away to St. Mungo’s, sedated and strapped into a straight jacket.   


“Are you ok Loren, it looks like you’re thinking to hard?” Sirius said while pointing his fork at me.


I was too ecstatic to hear Sirius’ voice to even get mad at the friendly insult. I laughed lightly and nodded my head.


“Loren, you’re going to patrol with me tonight right?” Lily said.


“Yeah I will. What time to do you want me to meet you, just incase I’m with Sebastian or something?”


“Hmm, like 10:00, is that good?”


“Yeah fine.”


This wasn’t that first time I had patrolled with her; I had gone with her a few times last year and in the beginning of this year. It was sort of boring but a few times we had some action. We caught some kid trying to shag his girlfriend in the middle of a deserted corridor. I mean, honestly! They didn’t even try for a broom closet. It was funny because at the sight of us the girl jumped up and ran away. Not even grabbing her clothes. People make me laugh.


“Loren are you coming to the quiditch game this weekend?”


I faced the direction in which my name came, trying to figure out what was said to me. I didn’t want to ask and look like I was spacing out. But I was spacing out, so there wasn’t much I could do.


“Hmm yes?” I tried awkwardly.


“Did you hear me?”


“Yeah, no I didn’t sorry….” I looked at James honestly and wrinkled my nose.


“Wow Loren, he asked if you were going to the game this weekend.” Sirius said chuckling at me.


“Oh, wait what game?” Ok I was getting confused.


“Honestly Loren. THE QUIDITCH GAME.” Lily said annoyed and put her head on top of her arms.


“Oh, ok, yeah I don’t know. Probably! First game after all.” I loved going to quiditch games and the guys knew I wouldn’t miss it. But jeez people didn’t have to get so annoyed so easily, they were supposed to expect spacey-ness from me.




A few hours later I was walking down the stairs to meet Lily for patrolling. I had on my flannel pants and a black tee. I didn’t need my uniform for patrolling right?


I ran down the stairs stumbling half way down and ended up on my stomach, sprawled across the feet of some third year. I got up slowly, apologizing and making my way to the couch, where my red-headed cousin sat.


She looked up at the sound of my hitting the ground and shook her head, meeting me half way to the door. I grinned at her and linked her arms with mine. We were getting this over with; I needed to catch up on some much needed sleep.


After an hour of searching the 2nd floor we made our way to the 3rd, Lily alert and awake. While me, I was dragging my feet and complaining of sleep deprivation.


“Oh Loren, stop it, we are half way down.” Lily turned and put her hands on her hips menacingly.


I mocked her and replied; “Well I don’t even need to be here right now, I could leave whenever I wanted.”


“But you wouldn’t, now would you?” She said while cocking an eyebrow.


“No but that certainly isn’t the point.” What a bad argument I made.


Note to self: Never join the debaters.


Wait Hogwarts didn’t have debaters.


“Ok, go to the end of this corridor and meet me back here in ten minutes.” Lily said


I clapped my hands and started marching to the east wing, while Lily took the west. I didn’t like splitting up but it got things down faster, not exactly more efficiently, considering the fact I was checking. I fudged things and didn’t look to well but shhh don’t tell Lily. 


I walked along past doors, running my hands along them. I walked down first, checking for any noises then I would double back, opening each door.


I was humming the beat to Clair De Lune by Debussy, leaving into my own world, like usual… Except for the fact some voice kept interrupting my steady rhythm. I passed it off, until I realized I was supposed to be patrolling, so I turned around to where the voice drifted though a closed door. I leaned against it slightly, listening to the people.


“I know she likes you!” A deep almost familiar voice said, I might have known who it was ‘cept the thick door muffled the voice slightly.


“I don’t care if she likes me, I can’t like her back.” A different more edgy, slightly agitated voice came back towards me. I leaned in closer.


“Well, that’s stupid, I know you like her. What’s this nonsense about you not being able to like her?” Again a different voice and all too familiar.


I grabbed my wand out of the pocket of my pajamas. Pressing it against the door, ready if I needed to be but I had a feeling I wouldn’t need it.


“Because you know I can’t like her, you know why Prongs.” I instantly recognized the voice as Remus’, besides Prongs was James.


I could hear feet coming closer to the door but I still pushed closer to the door, listening closer. Who did Remus like?


“No please enlighten me as to why you can’t like her.” Sirius’ voice taunted him and I could hear the smirk on his face. That classis Sirius smirk.


“Stop, you know why!”


“No, why not. You can’t honestly mean…” James was talking now; jeez if Lily knew he was out here it would definitely not be good for him.


His feet pattered closer to the door and I pressed even closer to the door. I was as close as possible and I was pretty sure I would go right through the door if I pressed any harder, but I couldn’t stop. I was too curious as to what they were talking about.


“Come on Moony, she is wicked nice and she is pretty good looking too!” Of course that was Sirius, who else would have to add the fact that the girl was good looking.


“STOP!” Remus was getting pissed and I knew I should turn around and forget about the whole thing. But ya know me.


“BUT WHY NOT MOONY? You need a good reason, and that isn’t good enough.” What wasn’t good enough James?




I sputtered at his words, letting my wand fall out of my hands. My body was numb and I was probably going into shock. After what felt like a decade my wand hit the floor with a loud clattering sound. The door flew open and mind you I was still pressed against it.


Right before I hit the ground face first I saw the wide, caramel colored eyes of Remus.


I hit the ground with a dull thud and felt the air rush out of my lungs. I wanted to melt into the ground; I let my nose press hard against the ground. Oh god, I shouldn’t have heard that, I’m so nosey. Remus was a werewolf, a werewolf. Oh god.


Ok I was definitely in shock.


“LOREN?” Remus sounded upset; I mean why wouldn’t he be?


“Oh my god. I’m so completely sorry Remus. I am, I’m such an awful person and friend. I should have never eavesdropped. I’m soo bad. SORRY!” I was talking a mile a minute and I stood up pacing back and forth.


“How much did you hear?” James’ words bite into me.


“Enough….” I trailed off.


James looked like he wanted to slap me. But why him? I didn’t just hear his secret.


“James calm down, it’s not Loren’s fault. She was patrolling with Lily, remember?” Remus put his hand out blocking me from James. Was he really going to hit me?


“Remus I am soo sorry, I’m such an awful little spy, hag, jerk, annoying…” I was naming every bad adjective coming to mind when I was cut off.


“No Loren, it’s not your fault. I should have told you. I really wished you hadn’t found out this way. You can run if you want.”


Ok now I was confused.


“Uhh run?”


“Well aren’t you scared?”


“No you ass, why would I be scared. You’re one of my best friends!”


“So you’re not scared and you still want to talk to me?”


“Of course, honestly you’re quite slow, for being top of the class.!” I smiled and walked forward hugging him tightly.


“But I think we need to find Lily, I was supposed to meet her about 10 minutes ago.” I pointed my chin to the door.


Oh god, Remus is a werewolf.

Well hoped you liked it ladies and gents! Not going to write too much besides sorry for the long wait I have no excuse besides, its summer. And by the way the songs at the top, you should definitely listen to they are alll amazing and go well with the chappies. So take a look and this last saturday was the release of breaking dawn my copy is in the mail on its way and Im like craving this book.  If you dont read twilight you most definietly should.

Well thats about it, should i give a preview well yeah. Hopefully with  a sneak peak it'll give you more reason to REVIEW.

“Why is she laughing?” I heard Sirius whisper to the other two.


“I don’t know, maybe she’s lost it!” James whispered back.


I reached over and smacked him on his head.


“I am not losing it and I just thought it was funny because that, in my mind would have been a perfect time to tell me.”

Chapter 10: Explanations
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But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

Unwell- Matchbox 20


I’m not exactly awake and I’m not exactly sleeping. So what am I? What is it called when you’re about to fall away into sleep? I don’t know but whatever it’s called, that’s where I am.


I had just gotten back from patrolling with Lily and I was dead tired. I was forcing myself to sleep because there were so many questions running through my mind. I mean I had just found out one of my closest friends is a werewolf. Like a real werewolf.


How did he become a wolf, does it hurt to transform, where does he go, why hadn’t he told me? Ok now I’m fully awake.


But that just might be from the sound of my door opening, wait my door opening! I slide the covers off my face and looked towards the door, it was completely closed, ok that’s odd.


Go to sleep Loren, you’re losing it.


I put the blanket back over my face and closed my eyes, allowing the sleep to flood over me. It didn’t take too long. Thankfully


“Loren get up.”


My eyelids fluttered open, taking in complete darkness. I could make out the sleeping forms of Ava and Lily but nothing else. Then where had that voice come from?


“Lor, come on.”


I’m hallucinating. I have to be.


“Sirius maybe we should take off the cloak.”


I have a really weird imagination.


“Oh yeah, oops.”


I had just smacked myself in the forehead when two solid masses appeared before me.


Ha, my brain is like an old TV, you have to smack it to get it to work.


“Loren, stop smacking yourself.” Sirius said


His hands reached to mine and pulled them down to my sides. Had I really been hitting myself still? Wow I really need to get to sleep.


“Where did you come from? And am I going crazy?” I asked hoarsely.


“We came from our room and I can’t answer the second question without being honest.”




Did a hallucination just mock me?


“You aren’t hallucinating Loren.” Remus said and sat down on the edge of my bed.


“I said that out loud?”


“Yeah and you are going crazy.”


I shook my head and closed my eyes; I really need to get back to sleep.


“Oh no you don’t.”


Sirius scooped me up and started walking towards to door.


Can hallucinations get physical? I opened my mouth to scream or shout, or something.


“Loren, shhh.” Sirius said roughly.


His hand clamped over my mouth and strode over to the door with three steps, Remus behind him in his wake.


We were half way up to the guy’s room, after many minutes and mumbled rude words, which got lost in the palm of Sirius hand. I was slipping out of Sirius grasp but his hand was still hard on my mouth, I did the first thing that came to mind. I bite him.


“Ouch, damn it Loren, why did you do that?” Sirius shook his wounded hand and slipped me higher into his arms.


“Because I was hungry Sirius” Sarcasm oozed from every word.


Remus snorted.


“Because you’re hand was over my mouth and I didn’t want it there, smartie.” I continued


“You could have said something!” He said dumbly


I narrowed my eyes at him and looked back at Remus, who was laughing at us.


“I tried.”


“Ok well sorry but do you still think you’re hallucinating?” He said as his foot hit the top stair.


“No, I guess not. But when we get to your room you better explain everything.”


I crossed my arms and pouted my lips. They better explain.


“That was the idea Loren. We will explain everything”


I looked back at Remus, his eyes looked sad and he looked slightly weary.


Something clicked in my brain and I realized that they were doing. They were going to explain and when he said everything, he meant everything.



Sirius kicked open the door, brought me over to his bed and threw me onto it. I landed on my back, and looked up at guys.


Remus was starring over me, James was playing with his shirt and Sirius was taking off his shoes. They were procrastinating and I wasn’t having that.


I jumped up, startling the guys and stamped my foot.


“Come on, you dragged me up here and said I would get an explanation, now I want a damn explanation.”


“Yeah ok, so where am I starting first?” Remus asked coming and sitting down on Sirius’ bed.


“Well we might as well get comfortable.” James said as he plopped down across the end of Sirius bed. Sirius followed him lying on his side, holding his head up with one arm. Remus turned around and stretched his legs out but was still sitting up.


I jumped into the middle of the bunch and put a pillow on Remus’ legs and laid my head down. He was explaining, so I positioned my pillow to look right at him.


“Start somewhere that won’t get me too confused.”


“Ok well, I’m a werewolf.”


“I know that.” I was getting peeved.


“Loren, I didn’t finish my sentence. Now could you possibly not interrupt and just listen?” Remus rubbed his temples and closed his eyes.


I nodded my head against his legs, letting him know he could start.


“Well it happened about eight years ago. I was walking outside in our meadow and I had turned my back and leaned over the little creek we had. I was picking up stones and putting them in bucket, the last thing I remember before waking up in St. Mungo’s is seeing a reflection in the water next to mine, a horrible, frightening reflection.”


“I woke up a week later and I was tied to the bed and had different tubes running from my arms and nose to different machines. My mum was sobbing on the chair next me and my dad was yelling at her and I pretended not to be awake. He was blaming her for what happened; he said if she had watched me better that it wouldn’t have happened. Of course, that was not true, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”


“He told her that if I wasn’t going to get better, then he couldn’t be in our family. He wouldn’t have a werewolf as a son. I was a disgrace to his oh so perfect name.”


“The doctors came in with the news and then my father left; neither my mum nor I have seen him since. And to be quite honest, I couldn’t care less.”


I could feel the tears slipping down my cheeks. How could someone be so awful like that? How could he abandon his wife and son in such a time of need?


I turned to see if the guys were asleep but they weren’t, they were wide awake but completely silent. I looked back at Remus giving him a watery smile encouraging him to finish telling me.


“Me and mum dealt with it as best as we could and about two years later I got my letter in the mail saying that I was accepted into Hogwarts. We arranged a meeting with Dumbledore and he came up with way to make it possible for me to be in school. I would leave for the nights of the full moon and then come back to school as if it was nothing.”


“Of course it was nothing until I met these two blokes. They went through hell and back to figure out what was going on with me. And when they did, they refused to leave me. So we made it possible for them to come with me those nights.”


I sighed and threw my arms around his neck.


“Remus I am so sorry that I was so nosy. You should have told me when you wanted to. I’m sorry.” The words flew out of my mouth, like someone had pushed fast forward.


“No Lor, don’t be sorry. I am honestly glad you figured it out.” He hugged me tightly back and kissed my forehead. “Anymore questions?”




“You knew there was going to be question Moony.” James and Sirius said in unison.


He laughed and let me go.


“Ask away.”


“Ok well, does it hurt, will you ever stop being an uh werewolf, and who were you talking about liking?”


I think my last question might have caught him off guard, because he opened his mouth and then shut it tight. I heard James snort behind me and Sirius started laughing like mad. Remus looked over at me and just shook his head.


“Well no it doesn’t hurt too bad, no I won’t stop, unless they find a cure. And I wasn’t talking about anyone!” He tried his best to say the last bit convincingly.


“Ok, I’ll let you go with the last part, but can I ask how do these two gits go with you?” I pointed my thumb over to them.


“Well that’s up to them to tell you, not me Lor.”


“Tell me pleaseeeee.” I whined.


I gave my best puppy dog eyes and stuck out my bottom lip. They weren’t going to say no, not after I used the eyes.


I was so sneaky; I should be a spy that would be fun. I could fight bad guys and wear black leather. I could get all the cool gadgets and all. It would be awesome.


My mind was straying farther and farther from the subject.


And of course, I could use the guy’s expertise about being sneaky and….


Wait, the guys, didn’t I ask them something? Oh yeah how do they go.


“Sorry I was off in LorLand. Now how do you go?”


“Well we transform silly.”


I sat up fast and started choking on my own spit. Holy shit, they are werewolves too, how could they hide that from me!?


“But.. how.. why.. you.. what?” I gave up on trying to make a clear sentence and threw my arms up into the air over exaggeratingly.


“Cat got your tongue Loren?” James poked my side and I let my arms fall back down.


I let my eyes narrow at his joke. This was definitely not the right time for a joke. He laughed loudly and rolled his eyes.


“What Sirius means is that, we are illegal animagus.”


I sighed and felt relieved. It wasn’t that much better but at least they weren’t all keeping the werewolf secret away from me. But wait, animagus could change into any animal they wanted and you could get into huge amounts of trouble for not being registered, yeah ok now it’s a big deal.


“Wait a few more questions if you don’t mind?”


“Sure.” Sirius said waving his hand like he had all the time in the world.


“Shoot.” James had the same aura to him.


“Ok, well first, what kind of animal did you choose and how did you keep this from me, I have known you forever plus a year.” I was talking wicked fast and I’m sure I might have looked sort of crazy but I was tired.


“Well we never really had an animal in mind to much; we let it choose us I guess you could say. And we aren’t telling you, you have to guess.” James said teasingly.


“Yeah Loren you get to guess and we never told you because we thought it would ruin the relationship between all of us. If we told you that we were animagi then we would have to tell you about Ol’ Moony over here and it wasn’t the perfect time yet.” Sirius finished answering my questions but I had another.


“Ok well when pray tell was the ‘perfect’ time and what relationship would that be?”


The guys all blushed and turned their faces away from me. Which question had embarrassed them? I bit my lip to keep a yawn from escaping me, I needed them to answer those questions and if they knew I was tired enough to give in then I would never get a response.


Remus interrupted the guys before they could say anything, “Loren there never could be a perfect time to tell you that I was a monster and…”


I caught him off. “Don’t refer to yourself that way please.”


“Fine but I mean I couldn’t just say, Hey Loren tonight at full moon I will turn into these hairy thing and how are you doing on that essay for Runes.”


This part made me laugh because oddly enough that would have been a sufficient time to tell me, I’m easily pleased. If he had told me then I would have asked him my questions and not burst in on anyway not wanted to be heard conversations. 


“Why is she laughing?” I heard Sirius whisper to the other two.


“I don’t know, maybe she’s lost it!” James whispered back.


I reached over and smacked him on his head.


“I am not losing it and I just thought it was funny because that, in my mind would have been a perfect time to tell me.”


“Of course it would have Loren but honestly that didn’t sound too good in my head, now don’t you want your second question answered?” Remus asked.


“What question?” I was losing my focus and fast, I have like the memory span of a gold fish.


“The relationship question…?”


“Oh yeah ok, yeah please answer that.”


Now they had my attention and they weren’t losing it.


“You’re our best friend and like our little sister of course.” James and Remus said together.


“You’re my best friend Loren and I’m sorry for acting like such an ass before.” Sirius looked right at me and the color of his eyes was crystal clear blue.


My heart thumped in my throat and I really had this urge to reach over and kiss him but I had a boy friend, I had Sebastian. I couldn’t be having these feeling. I couldn’t. He doesn’t even like me, so don’t have these kinds of thoughts for a person who doesn’t like you back.


But Loren, he didn’t say you were like his sister. 


I know he didn’t, of course I noticed that but that still doesn’t exclude the fact that I have perfectly good boyfriend. Was it cheating on him if I had thoughts, it wasn’t right? It’ that whole actions speak louder then words. As long as I didn’t do anything my thoughts were safe in my head. But I still shouldn’t be having these thoughts.


Why not?


Because it’s wrong.


If you say so.


I must have been thinking for awhile because when I looked back up all the guys were asleep. I got up as quietly as possible but remember I was lying in the middle. I got away with a few grunts and roll overs and stood over them. I went to James’ bed and grabbed his blanket and threw it over the guys.


It was sort of funny though because it covered James head and his feet stuck out and then Sirius just rolled over and cuddled himself into the blanket but poor Remus looked so uncomfortable, he was sitting up still. But I didn’t want to wake them and if he got too uncomfortable he would wake up. So with my whispered good nights, I left them alone in their own little dreamland.


I made my way quietly down the stairs and across to the girls stairs, up them to my room and into my bed. I sat there for a bit going over some of the more interesting answers and Remus’ story.


“Loren, where have you been?”


I jumped off of my bed and looked over at Lily who was sitting up right looking at me. I wonder how long she was like that for. I sat back down and slid under the covers.  


“Nowhere important cousin, now go back to sleep.” I yawned and blew out my candle.


“Humph.” Lily said as she slipped back to sleep.


One last thing before I go to sleep; I think Sirius animagi is a dog.


Think about it, it does make sense.

A/N- Sorry for the long wait, trying to get them out as fast as possible. But my computer recently crashed and its been chaos. Anyway hope you enjoyed, remember to review cause I've noticed my reviews have been definitely getting lesser and lesser ever chapter


Chapter 11: Leaves
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I've never seen a smile that can light the room like yours
It's simply radiant, I feel more with everyday that goes by
I watch the clock to make my timing just right
Would it be okay, would it be okay if I took your breath away?

You had me at hello- A day to Remember


“Loren, don’t you?!” A far away voice floated towards me.


I jumped off my swing underneath the apple tree in my backyard. The loose, white gown I was wearing billowed around me in the cool breeze. My locks lifted into the hair, blowing around me softy, I shivered violently in the cold air.


I looked up into the inky sky; the storm clouds circled each other menacingly. The energy from the up-coming storm charged through me raising the hairs on my arms and neck. I walked forward; my bare feet tickled by the grass. I raised my arms over my head, letting the electricity pervade through me. A streak of lightening filled the sky and I could almost literally taste the salt from the rain.


I looked up once more expectantly. A large, glistening drop fell through the air breaking the energy. It landed on my ivory cheek and slid down leaving a wet trail behind. I wiped it away as more fell around me, barely touching my exposed skin. I shivered again and turned and ran towards my house.


I stopped short of the house and remembered the voice, childish but older, sad but happy in some way. I closed my eyes, listening intently to the rain, rocking back and forth lightly. I brought my hand forward and opened the screen door, stepping past the threshold. I opened my mouth to call for my family but stopped abruptly, noticing the emptiness.


I ran to different rooms, the only object was a white sheet across each floor.


“Loren.” The voice sang to me but a different voice this time..


I sprinted up the stairs, missing the creak of the third stair. I gracefully stopped in my bedroom, ignoring the sheet upon the floor and stared at the person standing in the corner.


“Sirius, what are you doing?” I finally found my voice and pressed my gaze into him.


“Run with me Loren, please?” He asked again and I felt myself move towards him.


He grabbed my hand and pulled me gently towards the stairs. I questioned him again but he only shook his head and told me to be patient. We made it back to the door following out to the backyard and Sirius let go of my hand. I felt emptiness overcome me and I walked forward one step.


Sirius placed his hands out to stop me and lifted one finger, signaling me to wait. I wanted to ask him why he was leaving me but my voice was again lost and I looked at him, waiting.


He closed his eyes and his body shook, not light shivers but deep, violent tremors. He flexed his fists and he shook harder. I could still see the outline of where his body stood in the background of the storm but he was changing. His body convulsed and twisted. His arms and legs became much shorter and his body bent awkwardly.


I squeezed my eyes closed and waited, waited for something to happen to me. But nothing came; instead a soft growl surprised me. When I looked over to what used to be the form of Sirius I was greeted by a dog. Big, shaggy, and black, just like Canopus, the dog I received for my birthday from Sirius.


He shot back and ran towards the woods, at the entrance he turned back and barked at me. I ran forward after him, letting my legs take over for themselves. I sprinted to him and let him take the lead and followed without knowing where I was following.


We ran without stopping and just ran. The rain soaked me through and stuck my hair to my face in ebony clumps. Sirius was a damp, black blur and barked encouragingly once and awhile.


We stopped in a clearing and I clutched a stitch in my side that wasn’t noticeable before. I wiped away my hair and sat down on the muddy ground.


“Sirius why are we here?” He trod over to me and sat at my feet and nuzzled my legs, whimpering lightly.


“What’s wrong?” He raised his head off of his paws and looked past me. I followed his gaze over to a mound, blurred in the down pour. I stood and walked over to the shape. I leaned my head over, blocking the rain from my eyes and suppressed the gasp that bubbled in my chest.


The back of a body lay before me and I reached down and gently turned the body. I screamed deafeningly as I looked into the blank, lifeless eyes of my father.


I slammed my fist down on the alarm that woke me from my dream. I groggily opened my eyes and looked around at the still sleeping forms of my best friends. I was happy that I was awakened from my dream but still upset at the fact that it was 6:45 in the morning on the weekend and there was no hope of me getting back to sleep.


I checked my alarm to make sure it was off and stood up, throwing on a hoodie and grabbing my wand, stowing it in the pocket of my pj pants. I looked down at my nightstand and seen the diary James gave me and the bracelet and charms Lily gave me. I grabbed the diary and a quill and ink, deciding it was best to use the gift. Maybe it could help me in the long run.


I snuck out of the dormitory after promising Lily’s gift that it too would be used and solved. I sat down at the table in front of the window. I looked out into the haze and fog covering the grounds and wiped away the condensation that had pooled on the window.


I put the diary onto the table and set my arm down. I opened the book and tore out a piece of paper, set the inkwell down and dipped my quill.



        Honestly, did you think you were getting away that easy? I demand to know where my brother is and why are you being so reclusive when writing me. You barely wrote two sentences last time, I’m getting worried.

                                Loren Adalaide Evans.


I rolled the letter and pulled the hair tie from my hair and wrapped it around, setting it next to me. I then pulled the diary back and flipped to the second un-used page.


Well what do I write to something that won’t talk back?

I guess I could tell you a little about myself.

Hm, I have a wonderful boyfriend.

Some great best friends.

But I can’t be happy.

Why you might ask, well just so you know.

I ask the same thing


I closed it tight and ran back upstairs setting it in my drawer and skipped down the stairs and grabbed the letter, setting out to the owlery.


After 25 minutes of coaxing Kitty down to me I was back up in the common room, still the only one awake. It was now 7:30; I decided it was time for some people to wake up. I silently sprinted up the boy’s stair and snuck into their room. I choked back a laugh; I guess they never woke up after I left them. Sirius was still cuddled to his blanket; James was half way off the bed and had his legs still on and poor Remus had fallen off. I stood on top a chair and put my hands to my mouth.


“WAKEY WAKEY, EGGS AND BAKEY” I stopped yelling at the guys and noticed they didn’t even move an inch.


Think, think, think Loren. Oh ok, I’ve got it.


“YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!! “ I screeched loudly


Both of the boys jumped up and started jumping around, smacking their hair. It took them a minute to realize I was standing their doubled over with laughter. When they did realize they stared at me peculiarly.


Finally after many seconds James spoke up. “Meanie!” I laughed again and stood up straight.


“Sorry guys but I’ve been awake and lonely for awhile. I needed company.” I looked over at Remus and did a double take, he never woke up!


“What the hell. How did he sleep through that?” I asked


“He can sleep through anything.” Sirius answered back and stressed his fabulous abs, err I mean… never mind.


“Well then how do I wake him up?”


At the exact moment the door to the dormitory opened up and smacked the chair I was standing on so it rocked unstably. I lurched forward and fell on top of Remus, pretty sure that that would wake him up. I landed over his back and my elbows connected with the floor dully. I felt the pain surge through my body and I let out a yelp of pain.


“Remus are you awake now?” I asked while holding back tears of pain.


“Yes Lor, I am. And are you ok?” He asked as he flipped around with me still on top of him so I lay on his tummy


“Yeah.” I groaned as I got up and massaged my elbows, I turned to look and see who knock me down. It wasn’t really necessary to look because James took the time to ask sternly, “Peter, where have you been all night?”


“None of your business Potter.” He spat with hostility in each word.


“Hey don’t you be mean, he just asked a question!” I said back in defense of James.


“Shut up, it’s none of your business.”


“Peter, STOP IT!” Remus’ voice was barely more then a whisper but it rang through and shut us all up. “Now Loren could you please get up? This isn’t too comfortable.” He laughed as he shifted around.


James walked over hooked his arms under mine and picked me up as if I weighed nothing.


“Wow Loren, you weigh nothing.” James said


Yeah that was weird. 


James pulled me behind him when I got my balance and asked peter again where he was. And again he answered with vague answers and got madder every time. Each time I tried to look over at him, James would push me back farther and Sirius would pull me back by my arm.


“Pete, just tell us!” Sirius pleased to him.


Pete starred incredulously, turned kicked the dresser and swore. And then like that he walked out of the door. I waited several seconds before walking out the sandwich that was made of me, Sirius and James.


“What was that all about?”


“I don’t’ know Loren... Go wake the girls and we can go to breakfast, yeah?”


I nodded solemnly and waked to my dormitory.




After waking the girls and getting dressed we were all walking down to the Great Hall in search of some much needed food. As we walked we caught a straggler: Sebastian. He walked over to me, laced his hand with mine and kissed my cheek.


“Hey babe, so what do you say, after breakfast we take a walk?” He squeezed my hand lightly urging me to answer.


“Sure, of course,” I said and laughed as his baby face lit up.


Sebastian and I parted at our two tables and the rest of us Gryffindors sat down to eat.


A few moments later the post came, I expected nothing I had wrote to my parents that morning, they wouldn’t have gotten the letter already. But a letter fell onto my plate anyway. I slide the paper out of the envelope and opened it up.


Aw, you and your boyfriend are so cute together Loren.

I wonder how long it’ll last. And don’t deny it I know my last letter rattled you. Just remember everything gets worse before it gets better.


 I balled the paper up and threw it in the air, pointing my wand at it. It caught on fire and dissolved into a pile of ash. Why me?


“What was that?” Lily asked alarmed.


“Nothing.” I said


Everyone at the table starred for a second but just kept back to eating.


“Hey Lily, would you mind if we later we could study for the Transfiguration test together?” James said as he swallowed some food.


Ok the guys always talk with food in their mouth, when they don’t have food in their mouth they are quiet. But as soon as that food hits their mouth they become chatter boxes.


“Ugh yeah sure.” Lily said unsurely.


James could hardly hold back his smile as he looked back down I seen him bite his lip.


I poked Lily in her thigh and gave her a thumbs up when she looked at me.


“Good Job.” I mouthed to her and she smiled back at me a full toothed smile.



Maybe, finally Lily will realize they are perfect. The right amount of stubborn and dedication. As I thought about Lily and James being together I remember Lily’s gift to me.




“What?” She said after a second


“Explain to me fully what I have to do with those bracelets you got me.”


She took a bite of bagel and looked at me realization sweeping her face. “Oh each bracelet will say something, describing a person. And you have to guess which friend it fits. Me, you, or Ava. And then you have to give them to each friend and when you do they can put it on, if your assumption is right then they will lock on. They will stay on our wrists until we stop being friends.” Lily blew out her breath in a huff, having said all of this in one breath.


“So forever!” Ava took the time to speak up for the first time at breakfast.


“Yeah,” I agreed, “Forever!”


I finished up my breakfast, wiped my hands on my jeans like the slob I am, then jumped up and squeezed Lily around the neck. After her I ran around the table and squeezed Ava. After her I blew kisses to the guys, who each in turn pretended to grab the kisses and stick it to their cheeks. I laughed happily and skipped over to my boyfriend.


I thought: maybe I was happy.





Me and Sebastian walked along the path going around the lake, his arm around my waist and mine around his, my hand in his back pocket.


We talked about school and up coming holidays. The usual, I loved being with him. I felt so happy and safe with him.


Every few seconds he would lean down and sneak a kiss, kissing my forehead or my cheek. Once though I turned my head and caught his lips. He smiled into my lips and I smiled back.


He stopped us a few times and he would grab my hand and twirl me around and then dip me like we were ballroom dancing. The whole time I laughed and smiled content in my perfect little ball of a world.


After a while of walking we stopped and sat down on a bench Sebastian conjured up, what can I say I love magic! I looked across the lake and noticed someone with flaming red hair and jet black hair walking together. Lily and James.


I watched as the little flurries passed my head every once and awhile. It was only October and it was already attempting to snow.


“I love the snow, I can’t wait for the first real snow fall.” I stated as I tried catching a flurry in my palm, as soon as it made contact it turned into a of drop water.


“Yeah the snow is good, I love boarding.” I chuckled as Sebastian smiled at me. One of his favorite pastimes: snow boarding.


“So Loren love, what did you get in the mail this morning?”


The food in my stomach churned horribly and my dream and the mail hurtled back to my conscience.


“Nothing Love, nothing at all.” I kissed his cheek and tried catching another flake.


I looked over to the tree next to us and seen the pile of leaves. I jumped up and ran to the leaves, letting myself fall into them, giggling happily.


Sebastian walked over and laughed at me and I kneeled up.


“You have leaves in your hair love.” He said as he bit back laughter.


Everything was perfect, he was perfect. When I was with him everything was safe and nice but that never kept the bad dreams and the awful letters from coming but I would enjoy it no matter what. I needed him I need this. I don’t think I have been this joyous ever.


“I don’t care, join me.” I pulled him into the pile with me and pinned him down, pouring leaves all over him. He smiled that radiant, breath taking smile and I felt my heart speed up.


He retaliated by pinning me down in turn and tickling me. I was laughing mercilessly and squirming around when he bent down and kissed me.


It wasn’t short and fast but he didn’t shove his tongue down my throat either. It was perfect, light and full on. When he leaned back up his face was red and bright. I looked over at him as he plopped down next to me and I starred out into the lake.




“Huh?” I asked as I looked over at him.


“I think I love you.”

A/N OK, now that I'm putting this one into validation, I'm going to put the next one in too and that means I have no more pre-written chapters as for the last couple months I have had AWFUL writers block but I think I can managa to get going now! Soo, read and review it gives me some creativity!

Chapter 12: Here comes the rain
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I want to hate you half as much and as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice
Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don't want to know a thing
I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel


The Pros and Cons of Breathing- Fall out Boy.


Lily’s POV



I walked down the corridor, smoothing my red hair and straightening my skirt. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and I’m pretty sure if I was a cartoon there would be smoke coming out my ears. There was a small voice in my head that was oddly the voice of Loren and Ava combined. It was asking, ‘Why do you let it get to you? You’re a lot tougher then a group of pubescent 3rd years.” I sighed inwardly to myself, I know that it’s stupid to let them get on my nerves but they are just so aggravating.


Stupid 3rd years, since I started the job as a prefect they’ve gotten on my bad side. Why couldn’t they act mature? I mean even the 2nd years act more mature. I think its maybe because they are moving from child to teenager, they are becoming young adults and they don’t know what to do with themselves. All they ever do is pull pranks, which leaves the prefects to clean up the mess and I mean that almost too literally. Pulling pranks is so passé. The voice in my head dug its way to the surface again, it said; “Try telling the Marauders that!”


I groaned, they are such bad influences.


I loped to the 3rd floor bathrooms and stopped myself short as I turned the corner.


Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Make that saying plural and you would be talking about the Marauders. I jumped out of their eyesight and hid behind the statue of Thomas the Terribly Tenacious Troll, trying saying that five times fast.


I peered around at them, wondering what in god’s name could they be doing now. The guys were standing at the teachers lounge and each tapping the door separately with their wands. Once they each had had a turn with the door, it glowed a turquoise colors and then the next second turned back to the regular brown wood.


Potter, Sirius and Peter all snickered and ran back behind the tapestry against the opposite wall. All except Remus, who looked around and walked back unwillingly. Peter waddled forward and grabbed Remus’ arm, pulling him faster. In the two seconds it took to get to the tapestry, Peter managed to fall and knock down a suit of armor that lay against the wall. I shook my head, poor pitiful boy.


Thinking about it actually made me remember the quarrel that Loren told me took place amongst the guys. If they had been fighting they definitely aren’t now. They look thick as thieves. It just shows you how negligible boys are.


I heard loud footsteps coming my way down the hall and I flinched farther behind the statue. I craned my neck to see who it was.


Professor Slughorn walked past, humming the school song and opened the door to the teachers lounge, closing it behind him.


I brought my hands to my mouth and covered my face, only letting my eyes show. “Shit!” I mumbled what had they done to that room? And great I saw them, now I’m some witness to the case. Ava/Loren’s voice popped up, “Since when are we on trial?” I silenced the voice and made sure the door was still closed.


I sprinted over and squeezed into the small space that was left next to the guys. I smacked each of their heads, grabbing their attention. “OW, what the bloody hell are you doing Evans?” Sirius said. “That was for what you have done and what you will do at a later time, now please explain to me, what did you DO?” I hissed and clung to the tapestry.


“You’ll see” potter said easily. His voice made me shiver and I gulped hard. I shook my head to clear the haze and narrowed my eyes.


“No Potter, I don’t want to SEE! I want to know.” I said through clenched teeth. “Can’t you just cooperate, ugh you’re so-“


Sirius interrupted me, “Lily just wait, please. It’s nothing harmful.”




“I promise.” Sirius said, he stuck out his pinky and latched onto mine. He then kissed the tip of his thumb and motioned for me to do the same.


I raised a single eyebrow and opened my mouth to question him, “what are you doing?” Remus gawked at me and peter sniggered. “You’ve never pinky promised?” Remus gasped out loud. “No…” I said meekly.


“I guess the added part is more of a Marauder thing but most people have pinky promised or have at heard of it.” Potter cocked his head to the side, “It’s just so we don’t break a promise, and I guess it binds us.”


“By magic?” They all just starred.


“No silly, by trust!” Sirius said as he pointed to my thumb and then to my mouth again.


I starred down at my green, glittery nails and shrugged leaning in and pecking my thumb. Sirius pushed his thumb to mine and squeezed my hand lightly. I smiled, it was a milestone for me; First ever pinky promise.


The forgotten door, burst opening, startling each of us. A laugh bubbled in my belly and I stuck my fist in my mouth to choke it down. Slughorn walked out lazily, but unknown to him was his appearance. His hair was a hot pink and his skin was orange with yellow spots, everywhere.


When I was sure he was out of ear shot my laughter bubbled over and I clutched my aching sides. “What was that” I managed to sputter out.


They looked over at Remus, expecting him to provide me with the explanation. “It’s a version of the chameleon charm, meant to do the complete opposite. Instead of hiding you, it’ll make you stick out” Remus said and waved his hands exuberantly.


I nodded my head understandingly and looked at my watch, “Goodness, I’m supposed to be patrolling still.” I yelped and ran out from behind the tapestry, waving goodbye to the guys.




I had just finished patrolling the corridors, disappointed at the lack of trouble. I did sometimes like to feel powerful and in charge, don’t misinterpret, I’m not power hungry. I just like having some authority every once in awhile.


I walked into the bathroom, finally. I’ve had to go since before the Slughorn prank. I giggled thinking about it, I guess, maybe the Marauders can be funny, sometimes.


The water running from the faucet was cold; I splashed it on my hot, red cheeks. I looked into the mirror, watching the mater drip to the end of my nose. I looked at my reflection, trying to look deeper and see what was going on behind my skin. But the only thing I could see were my emerald eyes, they looked bewildered and skittish. My hair that was swung over my left shoulder was dark, dark red in the light and my high cheek bones made me look older and sophisticated, I was pretty. I know it but couldn’t someone see more then that?


Drip, Drip, Drip


The faucet leaked making the little pool of water ripple lightly, I sighed looking around. No one besides me was there… good.


I concentrated hard and swung my hand up; bringing a wave of water up, letting is crash into the mirror. Distorting and ruining my reflection.


I walked away, leaving the bathroom behind.


I was relieved to find the hall outside vacant. No one was supposed to see my “power” I scoffed, some power it was. If you’re wondering, I can manipulate water and if I try hard enough the rain. Cool right? Not really, I’m not supposed to swim with people who don’t know, incase I get to hyper or mad. Or even let my mood get out of control, I can’t even go to swim parks. I do have it under control though but my mother is just too cautious.


I was deep in thought, letting my feet find a familiar path, when I walked into a hard mass, I jerked back and hit something else. Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Jeremy Roflin, and Leevey Nott all stood around me, trapping me in a circle.


“You wanna move?” I spat out at them, trying to push through the bodies, “No, I don’t think I do sorry mud blood.”


“Whatever Malfoy, just move or I’ll report you to Slughorn.” I grunted as he pushed me back into the middle by my upper arm, “What you’re going to tell on me?”


Nott snickered, “of course she will, she is scared, poor baby mud blood”, he mocked and pinched my cheek. I smacked his hand away and pushed him back, “Don’t touch me Evans.” He barked as he raised his hand and brought it down. Almost to my cheek.


“If your hand touches her, you’ll be spending the rest of the school year looking for it!”


Nott dropped his hand and looked over to the voice, “Really Potter, are you really that big and bad with your posse? What are you going to do?” He teased menacingly


James flicked his wand and sent each guy into the air, feet up as if they were hung by their ankles by invisible ropes. James walked forward and smoothed out my fists, I didn’t realize they were balled up, my palms were raw and red were my nails indented them and my knuckles were white. He slid his hand into mine and pulled lightly. “Come on Lils” His voice soothed me. I let out a breath in a few short gasps and relaxed my arms.


“Are you ok? Did they hurt you?” He checked my cheek and looked up and down my body. I absentmindedly looked at the purple, blue bruise forming on my upper arm.


James followed my gaze and lightly touched it, “Is that from them?!” He turned back, wand out and face red. I grabbed his hand again and pulled him back before he did something rash, once we were up two flights of stairs; I slid into his arms and hugged him tight. “Thank you James” I used his first name and squeezed him tighter. He hugged me back and rested his chin atop my head, saying one thing that made it all better, “Anytime.”


I think I’ve might have fallen for James.





So what’s with this, “James”, business?” We were out by the lake.” I thought I was Potter to you?”


“Well I guess only when you piss me off” I smiled cheekily at him. He laughed and stood up, stretching,” Ok, I’ll remember to steer clear of making you angry.”


He pulled himself up into the tree, climbing through the leaves and out of my sight. A few stray leaves fell around me and into my hair. I stood up and shook them free.


“James, where did you go?” I waited for a minute and asked again. “James?” I asked and then asked once more, still no reply. “Ugh, POTTER!”


James stuck his head out of a few branches and grinned at me. “Don’t be mad dear Lily, I was only teasing. Now come on up.” He reached for my hand and lifted me up, I gripped branch after branch scared to fall. Once we had made it to the center, he let go and sat across a branch with his back against two others. I did the same but kept a good hold on them. Did I ever mention I was afraid of heights?


“So monkey boy, why are we in a tree? I mean I have no problem with it but you have to admit it’s a bit weird.”


“I come here a lot to think and I figured maybe I could let you into my mind a little.” James said “I want you to understand why I changed so much this year and…”


I urged him to go on.


“Never mind but I will get right to why I’ve been so different.”




“Well this past summer my grandmother passed away” I sucked in breath and tried to speak but James kept talking, “She was one of if not the most important persons in my life. She did so much for me and gave me such great advice; her death was so unexpected and hard”


“One day I wanted to ask her what to do about a certain problem I was having with this certain girl.” He looked up and starred into my eyes. “This is girl was amazing, pretty much indescribable. I explained to her in every detail I could, I told her how I thought I might have fallen for her.”


As James told me more about this girl I could feel my heart thump loudly, almost enough so he could hear it. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and felt the blood race through my body. This girl was lucky.


“I told her how I wanted the girl as more then a friend, but I would settle for just being friends. As long as that girl would acknowledge me, I asked her what to do and how to get her to give me the time of day.”


“The advice that my grandmother gave me, which sticks with me now; just act normal, I shouldn’t try to act funny and silly I should try to show her the other parts of me. She didn’t mean change for her or be something that isn’t me, just that there is more to me then, Marauder and Prankster. I have a serious side and mature side. Ok, I mean slightly mature side. She just wanted me to try and show the girl that there was more to me. And she said that if that didn’t work then maybe it wasn’t mean to be.”


“So, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to get her to notice and I’ve done everything but literally force her to look at me. Nothing is working and there is nothing else to do so I’m taking my grams advice, I suppose it’s not meant to be. So that’s it I am giving up, I can stick to being just friends with that girl, maybe. It might be too hard for me. So I guess I give up.” His voice trailed away and he turned his head away from my gaze.


I reached for his hand and he pulled away lightly. My heart hurt and I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes and whispered, “Who?”


James ran a shaky hand through his hair and started sliding down, “You.” Was his only word as he hit the ground lightly and walked off back to school, not even turning his head.


I jumped out of the tree, sucking in deep breaths of hair. I was trying desperately to calm myself. James had fallen for me, me, me. I can’t breath. Oh god.


I sat down on the ground and put my head between my legs, taking in deep, cooling breaths. My legs were shaking and I could feel the breakfast in my stomach churn.


Just breathe Lily. I shakily moved the hair from my face; I could feel the emotion blow over me. I know it was only a few seconds before I lost it. Completely. I felt the sobs rack over me and the salt from my tears run into my mouth, salty and warm.


I am an idiot a complete idiot Why was I like this. I never liked him before and I do now, a lot. And now he gives up. What is wrong with me?


My hair was stuck to my hair, wet from my tears and I was shaking so violently. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hate James for giving up. But it wasn’t his fault. It was mine the only person to hate is myself.


I screamed loud, it came out more of a groan, hoarse and ragged because of my crying. I could feel myself losing any grip on my mentality.


As I screamed it started to rain. Hard, cold drops fell from the sky.


 Ya know, maybe my mom was right to be cautious.


 A/N- Hope you enjoyed, if you did, don't hesitate to review. I'LL GIVE YOU  A PONY, ya know its so tempting :]

Chapter 13: Love, Lily and the Lost and Found
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You sounded hurt and you know that I believe you
searching every little thing to find a way
to tell your heart just to wait a little longer
I swear we'll make it.


Take this to heart- Mayday Parade.


Look up these songs, they rock.


“You- you what?” I stuttered stupidly and sat up, twigs and leaves littered my hair and I tried desperately to push them out. “Did you just say…? I mean? Did you….. Wait, what?” I was making an awful fool of myself, I probably sounded like a confused drunk.


“Nothing, never mind Loren” The blood flowed up to Sebastian’s cheeks and they slowly turned a deep red and I’m pretty sure they were only going to get redder. I blinked a few times and coughed awkwardly.


“Did you just say you love me?” I let the words mull around in my mouth. They were foreign and slightly hard to adjust to. Sebastian loves me. I coughed again and bit my lip. “Did you?”


“No, of course not” By that time his ears were tipped red and he turned away from me, shielding his face from me. My stomach exploded with butterflies. I clamped my mouth shut scared if it opened even a little, a swarm of butterflies would pour out.


I swallowed, once, twice, a third time and opened my mouth. Look at that no butterflies. “Sebastian, you did say you loved me, you did.”


“No I didn’t” He answered back


“Yes, yes you did.” En garde!


“No” Touché!


I closed my eyes and tried a different approach. “Did you mean it?”


“Of course I meant it, why would I say it if- Ugh you win Loren.” I smiled victory lighting up my face, along with the fact that Sebastian had told me he loved me.


“HA! I knew it”


“Well, you don’t have to say it back. I know its rushed but I think I really love you, more then any other girl ever and well I was scared you would be repulsed but I had to tell you and..”


I turned, facing him and leaned down. He was still rambling by the time my lips touched his. I wrapped my arms around his neck and molded myself to his form, letting him snake his arms around my back. His tongue touched my lip lightly and traced the curve of my bottom lip. I giggled and broke the kiss, pecking him three more times lightly.


“I think I love you too, silly boy.” He leaned in again and kissed me with a little more enthusiasm then the last time and I smiled into his lips. I could get used to this.




Well maybe I was wrong about love.

Maybe it is for me and not completely pointless.




I made my way down the steps to potions, happiness exuding from me. Sebastian had left me at the top of the stairs, him on his way to divination and me to the dungeons. My lips burned as I watched him walk away, every few seconds sneaking a glance in my direction. A certain dizzy feeling had overcome me and I felt like I was high. I snickered to myself, high on love.


As I laughed at the thought, the certain lightheadedness from earlier slowly dwindled down to a pounding headache, my stomach felt heavy and too full, shouldn’t I be happy? I was in love, shouldn’t I be belting out show tunes and breaking into some weird dance from some musical. And where was the background music and the cherubs playing harps?


My mind wondered and tinkered away. If I was so in love why did it feel like someone was hitting me repeatedly with a hammer? Bam, bam, bam. I rubbed my temples, I hated being emotional. I looked down at my mood ring. “A little help would be nice.” I muttered to myself.


My mood ring was about five different colors, wow this thing really did have me all figured out. What was so frustrating about emotions is that half of the time you can’t figure them out. Why need them if they are a mystery to even the one experiencing them? I groaned and kicked the tapestry to my left.


“Ouch!” I jumped back about ten feet and glanced back at the wall. Did the tapestry just speak? I know I’m off my rocker but not to the extent where wall hangings are displaying their pain. “What the bloody hell was- oh Lor it’s you.” The side slipped up and out popped Remus.


“Hm Rem, why were you behind some décor?”


He pulled the side up and showed me a little door, “Short cut to class, now would you like to explain to me why you are being so mean to the tapestry, what did it ever do to you?”


“Long story and you Marauders get around.” Remus raised an eyebrow at me and chuckled. “Ok, ew I didn’t mean it like that.” I shook my head; the only one that actually got around was Sirius.


“We have ten minutes before class starts. Enlighten me and I will take the easier route and not even give that comment a remark.”


I sighed sliding down onto the cool stone floor. I tried best to explain my situation to Remus, if it even was a situation. I told him what happened this morning, leaving out all the mushier parts though.


After I was done, I punched the wall with my bare fist and regretted that decision directly after. Anger management I sang in my head. I massaged my knuckles and rubbed the wall where I punched it. Ha, like I expected some great effect, a dent in the wall or something.


“Remus, what do I do? I mean love is supposed to be some great splendor and within the first ten minutes I feel like someone shoved a canon ball into my stomach and his beating me with a hammer. What is it with me; I think I should me admitted to St. Mungo’s. I’m mental, completely losing it. “


“Well Lor, do you want my honest opinion?” I nodded solemnly “Well, I think you are just scared I mean this is something big to you. You aren’t like the third and fourth years, the word doesn’t come spilling out of your mouth to every guy you meet.”


I scoffed, “Sirius” I muttered under my breath.


“No actually Loren, Sirius has never told a girl he loves him. Sure he might date a lot but he doesn’t give that word out willingly. Ask him about it sometime I’m sure you will see why.”


I nodded my head and picked myself up off the ground. What would Sirius tell me if I asked? I’ve known him for six years now and I’m one of his closest friends, what could he be hiding that’s so big and has to affect his relationships?


“But Loren, I think the best thing for you to do is just to let everything sink in. It’s new to you but you can get used to it. You will get used to, just give it time. Everything great takes time.”


“Thank you so much Remmy, for everything.” I giggled and pinched his cheek, then squeezing him tight we made our way into the dungeons.




“Now class the potion we are to do today is not very complex but should be handled with caution. We will we be brewing a very small force version of the Befuddlement Draught. We will be using half of the ingredients so that the potion will not be full strength. I don’t need any slip ups today. Now the only ingredients that are needed are as follows.” Slughorn droned on, he flicked his wand and a list of ingredients appeared on the board. Then slowly a set of instructions followed after. “Now pick a partner and get to it.” I looked up, what potion were we doing? Maybe I should have paid more attention.


I looked around for my cousin and unfortunately came up short. Where could Lily be, she doesn’t skip class and I had just seen her across the lake when I was outside. I looked over to where the window should be and sighed when we came back it had started pouring so she wouldn’t still be out there. “Remus have you seen Lily?”


“I was about to ask if you’d seen James. But no sorry Loren I haven’t. Could she be with Ava?” Remus asked.


“No I don’t think so. Ava has transfiguration right now. So I doubt she is in class with her.” Remus scratched his nose. “Why does she have transfiguration, I mean doesn’t the 7th years have it now?”


“Yes but she got advanced this year, she is very good in that class. That’s why a lot of our classes our different from her because she has to switch everything around. But anyway can I be your partner?” Remus pointed his thumb back at Peter who was carrying a load of ingredients to their table. “Sorry Loren.” I shrugged my shoulders and turned to see if anyone was lack a partner.


“SIRIUS!” I screeched. “Yes love?” He asked back. “Be my partner?” He rolled his eyes and laughed. “Sure thing. I was waiting to see if Prongs came but he hasn’t shown up yet...” I threw my hands up in the air. “Nor has Lily, I wonder where they could be.” Sirius smirked and raised his eyebrows. “Oh, ew Sirius. I doubt very much they are hauled up in some broom cupboard shagging.”


“How did you know that that is what I was thinking?” Sirius looked shocked and amazed.


“I don’t know, it just comes from years of knowing you. And what perverted thoughts come to your mind.” I walked around the table to the ingredient cupboard and heard Sirius mumble something about, “Bloody psychic….”


I laughed and grabbed a jar of sneezewort and a bundle of lovage and scurvy grass. I still wondered what we were making; I looked over to the board and rolled my eyes. Of course a potion to make a person confused. Lovely.


“So Sirius I want you to cut up the lovage but the instruction say not too thinly. Now please do be careful. Can I trust you with pointy objects?” He narrowed his eyes and grabbed the knife out of my hand, nearly stabbing Remus who was walking next to him. “Oi, Padfoot watch what you’re doing.” I put my hands on my hips and set my hand out. “Give me it Sirius.” He shook his head and put on his puppy dog eyes. “One more chance Loren, please.” I sighed and nodded. “Ok, last chance. Make sure you don’t hurt anyone or yourself.”


We worked on our potion without much talking. But it wasn’t awkward silence it was a comfortable, thoughtful silence. I was still wondering where my cousin could be. And if I knew, I know I would have been with her. Helping her and comforting her. But sadly I was in class and very confused and frustrating. I hissed and brought my finger to my mouth. “What happened?” Sirius asked as he took my hand in his and looked at it. “I accidentally touched the cauldron, I was a little lost in thought.” He pulled out his wand and did something to it. I thanked him and dropped the rest of the ingredients in, giving it a counter clock wise stir and practically shouted, “Ta-Da” as the potion turned a few shades of orange and ended as a weird sheberty color.


“Good Job.” Slughorn congratulated, giving us full marks for the day. “Now, cork a bottle sample and clean up and you will be all set.” I nodded and waved my wand and filling a small bottle and closed it tightly. Sirius waved his wand cleaning out the extra. I handed Slughorn the sample and went back to help clean up.


I was putting away the left over ingredients when the dungeon door slammed open and James walked in. I might have tackled him if Slughorn hadn’t first; demanding where he had been. He looked slightly upset and he was reclusive. He walked to the door and pressed his back against and stood there completely quiet. I shuffled over to Sirius and told him to finish cleaning up and then we could go figure out what was up with James.


I was packing up my bags when Sirius reached in front of me and pressed his body into mine without noticing. A light, nice smell hit my nose and I noticed it was the smell of Sirius’ hair that smelled so good. I sniffed once more and leaned back the smell enveloping me.


“Did you just smell my hair?” Sirius asked laughing.


I opened my eyes and opened my mouth, “No, why would I be sniffing your hair?” He just shrugged and made his way over to James. I turned and looked at Remus who was staring intently at me and gave me a questioning look. I just passed it off and then his facial expression changed. It changed to a look of understanding. I gasped and shook my head furiously. Remus started moving towards me and I turned around abruptly making my way over to James and Sirius.


They both turned quiet when I reached where they were talking. I gave them a questioning look and opened my mouth to ask.


“Don’t Loren, I don’t feel up to talking. And no I don’t know where Lily is.” I stamped my foot, grabbed my books and left the classroom, before the bell rang. I was in for it later but all that mattered was finding Lily.


I ran to Ava’s transfiguration class and jumped up and down in front of the open door, trying to catch her attention. After 10 minutes of making a fool out of myself in front of some 7th years Ava finally saw me. She asked to go to the lavatory and pulled me away from the door.


“What’s wrong?” She asked worriedly.


I hurriedly explained to her why I was dragging her away from class.


“You lost Lily?”


“What? No, I’m not her keeper!”


“Well maybe we should check the lost and found?”


“Are you serious Ava?” I snickered and told her to help me search each floor. She nodded and grabbed my hand. We ran around each floor, looking in empty classrooms and every broom cupboard known to Hogwarts.


After 25 minutes of looking we ran up the Gryffindor staircase and both fell face first onto the floor at the feet of the Marauders. They all looked down, confused and frightened.


“No luck?” Remus and Sirius asked. James just scuffed his shoe on the ground. “None.” We said. James ran up the boy’s stairs and came pounding down, three minutes later. “Here.” He pulled us up and handed us the map that I had just recently learned about. Sirius whispered in my ear the spell and they all walked away.


“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” I said and waved my wand over the map.


“What are you on about?” Ava asked. I quickly (skipping over some details) explained to her what the map was and what we were doing with it.


“FOUND HER!” Ava exclaimed and jabbed the map with her pointer finger. I looked to where she was pointing and laughed. “She is in the kitchens.” Of course, the only place we haven’t looked.


“Mischief managed.” I muttered and Ava and I ran to the kitchen, remembering to tickle the pear and barged in.


Lily looked awful. She was slumped in a chair with a bowl of chocolate ice cream, her eyes were swollen and puffy and her hair was in tangles, nestled on her head in a messy bun.


“Oh Lils, you look like a mess.” I walked over taking away her ice cream and sat on the arm of the chair, hugging her. Ava walked over and sat down against her legs, rubbing circles into her arms. “What’s wrong Hun?”


“He…. And… liked me… not anymore… and rain.” She let out a particularly loud sob and buried her head in my side. “Shh shh, come on tell us.”


Lily went into full rant mood, telling us everything. From realizing her very strong feelings for James, then having him give up on her and then making it storm. At which me and Ava gasped.


“Lily, you have to be careful.” I said.


“You have the powers too; you know they are hard to control.”


“Yes Lils but the difference is yours are a lot stronger and mine, mine are pathetic. I can barely lift a drop of water.”


“Yes I know, sorry. What do I do guys, I like him so much.” She then started her crying again and me and Ava tried desperately to get her to calm down.


“If we say we’ll help you get him back will you stop this crying?” I looked at Ava and mouthed to her, “We’re doing what?” She rolled her eyes. “Helping.” I mouthed back, “How? And next time inform me.” She nodded. “I don’t know how but-“


“Could you guys stop having a side conversation like I can’t read lips?” I slapped my forehead and Ava rolled over laughing. “But you don’t need to help me. It’ll be fine I think.”


“No, no,” I sighed, “We’ll help you.”


Ava and Lily grinned wide and I tried to too. What had I gotten myself into and what does this entitle.


“So Loren, I seen you earlier frolicking with your boyfriend, what were you doing?”


“I do not frolic and well er...”


Should I tell Lily that Sebastian said he loved me? Or would that make her feel worse, I mean I don’t want her to be sad and I don’t want to lie. But maybe at her expense I should.


“Well come on, what happened?” They both pushed my answer and I twisted a curl around my finger avoiding them


“Loren come out with it. Why so quiet?”


“Do you really want to know?” I asked and shifted uncomfortably.


“Well of course we want to know, we wouldn’t ask otherwise silly. “ Ava said and pulled at the hem of my robes.


“Yes do tell Lor, it must be very interesting if it has you outspoken.” Lily teased, happier now.


What I was going to say might change that.


“Well-he-said-he-loved-me.” I said it fast and probably incoherent.


“Please Loren stop acting weird and say it slower.”


I repeated it slowly and both of them process it for a few seconds. I was then tackled by two bodies, pinned to the floor and interrogated.


“Did he really? How? Did you say it back? Do you really? Loren speak up!” I huffed and narrowed my eyes. “If you got off of me maybe I bloody well could!”


“Sorry.” They both rolled off and sat on either side of me.


“Lily you aren’t upset?” I waited for the storm to come, more tears and anger, maybe a little yelling also. “No, why would I be.” I waited a few seconds and realization swept over her face. “You thought it might make me even more upset. I lost the person I like and you just got more comfortable with yours. Of course I’m not upset silly girl. I’m very happy for you. Now dish.” Lily said and Ava nodded her head earnestly.


“Well he said it and I asked him to repeat it because I was sure I didn’t understand him and then he denied he never said anything. We had this little argument back and forth whether he said it. Then I asked him if he meant it and he said of course. And yes I said it back and I do. I really think I do, I’m just slightly confused.”


They both awed and ohh’ed as I told them in more detail. At they end they engulfed me in a hug and kissed my cheek, “Our little Lorie is growing up into quite the girl, isn’t she dear Lily?”


They mocked whipping away tears and pinched my cheeks. I slapped away their hands and crossed my arms. “Stop teasing me and no one has called me Lorie since I was 10 now please stop being cruel.”


“Oh but we aren’t. We are very happy for you love.” They both leaned down, hugging me again. “We really are very happy for you. But if he hurts you, he dies.” I sighed and rolled my eyes.


“Yeah well he isn’t the only one who dies at the expense of one of us. Come on Av let’s kill ourselves a Marauder.”


Ava jumped up linking arms with Lily and me on the other side and we pulled her up. “Yes let’s.”


“You guys,” Lily whined. “I don’t know if this is such a brilliant idea.”


“I think it’s a perfect idea. Now let’s go.”


Lily pulled away, wiping her face on a cloth and combing threw her hair with her fingers. “Do I at least like presentable now?”


“Honestly?” Ava and I asked in unison, Lily nodded.


“You look like a mess, sweetie just leave yourself.” We pulled down her hands and kissed her cheek, me having to stretch on my tip toes. “Let him see he hurt you and don’t change to make everything look better.” 


“Now do you want to do this, we don’t have to love.” Ava added I nodded agreeing with her.


“Yes, talking to him won’t cause too much harm. Yeah let’s go.”


We all walked up to the Gryffindor common room, matching each others paces. And this is what makes me happy, realizing that it’s always us. Together, fixing things for one or the other, making sure we are happy. We are always there for each other and no matter what, boys or no boys, we had each other.

A/N- SORRY! I haven't updated in uber long. I'm writing now though. And I have another chapter ready to update with. I'm trying hard to write fast but good! BELIEVE ME!

 review for inspiration!

Chapter 14: And the truth comes out. Part 1
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Ava, Lily and I stood starring at the boy’s dormitory door, all in a complete lapse of silence. We had been there for at least five minutes all thinking what to say when we actually got around to knocking. Lily kept opening her mouth and shutting it, she looked like a confused fish.

Ava was the first to actually say anything since we had gotten up here.

“So shall we knock?” Ava formed a fist and raised her hand. “NO!” Lily shouted and grabbed Ava’s hand, dragging it back down to her side; Ava snorted and rolled her eyes.


The door flew open startling us all, “What’s all the commotion?” Sirius asked


“Oh my god, Sirius where are you clothes?” I half screamed and me and the girls spun around, slapping our hands over our eyes. Sirius gave a low chuckle, “Once in a while you got to just hang lose. Besides I just got out of the shower.”


“You can say that again.” Ava giggled, I sighed and turned around with my hands still shielding my eyes, “Speaking of hanging lose, Sirius please put some clothes on.” I waited a moment and slid my hand away cautiously, only to be met with the site of Sirius arse, walking back to the bathroom.


I pulled the girls around and pointed. We all gave whistles and cat calls, causing the usually care-free Sirius to blush burgundy and throw a sheet around him.

“Now um what can I do for you ladies?” He walked to the bathroom, a moment later walking out with pajama pants on. “Where is James?” I hissed, Lily elbowed me and I smiled lightly, covering up my earlier tone.


Sirius looked at my questioningly and shrugged, “I don’t know the last time I seen him was right after...” He trailed off slowly and Lily burst into tears. I pulled her into my arms and rubber her back as Sirius backed away, clearly shocked.


“It’s-it’s all my….my f-f-fault!” Lily blubbered incoherently and buried her face into my shoulder. I kept shushing her and telling her it wasn’t her fault. Ava whispered to me that I should just slap her, she was hysteric. I love Ava and that idea sounded like it was good but Lily was too upset and I just couldn’t bring myself to slap the poor girl.


I was sitting on the bed, Lily’s head on my lap when Remus and James walked in, “I didn’t want to Rem, I really didn’t but what else was I to do?” Remus opened his mouth but stopped in shock at the scene in front of him. Ava was leaning against my one leg and Sirius against my other, while Lily leaned into my lap, sniffling and wiping her eyes.


James took site of Lils and half sprinted forward, with his hand reached out but thought it over and awkwardly stopped and dropped his hand.

“What’s what’s wrong?” He asked quietly and Ava sprung up walked over to him and slapped him. My mouth dropped in surprise and Lily groaned pushing her face into my thighs. “What the hell was that, call her off!” James yelled and backed into the wall and Ava stood glaring into him. Sirius grabbed her arm and dragged her back to where she was sitting


We all were sitting, completely quiet and looking into the air. Well this is going well I thought. “James.” Lily said quietly and I had almost forgotten she was there until she spoke up, “Um, yeah?” He asked and I narrowed my eyes, why not make it just a bit harder? Guys are dumb, I thought. Lily looked up at me with pleading eyes, she wanted me to ask and I had no choice. I groaned and rolled my eyes.


“James, why did you give up on Lily?” I looked only at Lily as I said this and I heard James moan and I looked up at him, it look like he was in some physical pain and both Remus and Sirius stood half way up. He motioned for them to sit down and looked directly at me.


“Because Loren there isn’t any point in liking her.” Lily sat up and her whole body shook. “No Point?!” She screeched and we all flinched in surprise. James nodded and you could tell any confidence he had was gone.


“What do you mean no point?” Lily stood up and her eyes were blazing and her hair looked like fire.


“Lily, I’ve liked you since SECOND year, its SIXTH year now! When I say there’s no point, I mean there’s no point!”


“How do you know it’s too late and I don’t like you? God you’re not psychic and if you are clue me in, am I going to kill you in the near future?” Lily stamped her foot and I just sat there, what was I expected to say?


“You wouldn’t like me! You’re too far up on your pedestal!” James snapped his mouth shut, he knew he said the wrong thing and we all gave our gasps of shock.


“Too far up on my pedestal, Mr. Cocky-prankster-thinks he’s better then everyone else because he is an ‘amazing’ Marauder!” At every word she would poke James harder and harder right in the center of his chest.


“Well it’s only the truth babe.” James raised an eyebrow cockily and Lily screamed. “I want to hit you so bad, James Potter!” Her hands were balled and she looked like she would punch him.


“Then do it!” He yelled back and Lily’s hand raised and we all closed our eyes, preparing for the contact. But oddly nothing came, no skin to skin sound, no groan of pain. Nothing


We all opened our eyes and nearly fainted in shock.

First Remus spoke, “Oh”

Then Ava, “My”

Then me, “God”

And of course you can’t leave out Sirius, “Woo! Yeah prongs!”


James and Lily were in a fiercely kissing and when I say fierce I mean that. You couldn’t tell whose limbs belonged to whom and their hands were all over each other. They pulled back at our surprised outburst and blushed furiously.


“James I do really like you, please, please don’t give up. Not just yet” Lily said and touched his face lightly.


“Are you crazy Lily- Flower, after that I would be dumb to even try and give up.” He laughed and kissed her cheek; Lily punched him playfully and laced her fingers through his.


I sat there, completely lost. About two minutes ago they were at each others throats, now they’re together. Did I miss something really important?


“I…what just?” I scrunched my face up and Sirius rested his chin against my shoulder, “Don’t worry doll, I’m just as lost as you are. But let it be, they’re happy. What could be better, no death matches and stubborn screaming.” He laughed and blew a strand of hair away from my ear and turned around leaving the room.


I laughed to myself, just as Sirius had few seconds earlier. He was right after all no more arguing and yelling. Lily could be happy and James too and then everyone could be happy for them, everything was looking up. I glanced over to where to new couple stood and groaned. No more anger but it looks like there is going to be a lot of mushy, lovey dovey feelings and some groping. I closed my eyes, I felt violated and I wanted to yell, ‘Keep it PG rated.’


“Remus, where did Sirius go?” I asked and shuffled over to him, eyes still closed. I knocked into a body and opened my eyes to the side of Ava’s head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her with me, no longer closing my eyes.


“I don’t know, I think he went to go find his girlfriend. But I have to go, later” and he bolted from the room. Ava muttered something about needing to do some homework and since it was Saturday she could get an early start. I nodded and walked back to my room in a daze.


Sirius has a girlfriend? How long, who is she? Why didn’t he tell me? Why do I feel like my stomach is lying on the floor, still in the boy’s room on the other side of the Gryffindor tower? I sighed and threw myself on the closest bed, being Ava’s. “Why do I care?” I said gruffly and flipped over burying my face into the pillows.


‘You know why’ my brain told me, a few gears clicked and spun in my brain and I shook my head as best as I could with it pressed against the bed. ‘You still like Sirius’ my brain assured me.


“NO, NO, no!” My shouts were muffled by the pillow. “I have a boyfriend, I love him. I can’t like someone at the same time. And it definitely can’t be Sirius.” If someone had walked in, this is what they would have heard, “Ahhhh”, because that’s what it sounded like, each word just another ‘Ah’.


I jumped up and stumbled, grabbing one of the four posters and regained balance, “I have to go find Sebastian.” I said to a room full of no one and walked off.




I stumbled and half stomped down the stairs, making my way to the main level of the castle, I keep repeating to myself, ‘Have to find Sebastian, have to find Sebastian.’ I made it to the bottom step and plowed into someone who was turning the corner. I landed on my back, awkwardly positioned because I was lying on the stairs. Whoever I had crashed into had landed next to me and their foot was lying heavily on my arm.


The weight from the foot was taken off and the person talked, “Hey babe.” And a kiss was planted on my cheek. “Sebastian!” I squealed and he helped me up, dragging me to my feet. He laughed and hugged me, rubbing the dust that had collected on my back and bum off. “Sorry I didn’t see you love and where were you off to in such a rush?”


I picked up my bag and swung it over my shoulder. “Well I was going to find you since I was late for meeting you for breakfast.” I checked my watch, “20 minutes til my first class.” I mumbled.


“Well here,” Sebastian said, pulling out a napkin from his bag and unfolding it. Inside were two pieces of toast, 3 pieces of bacon and a piece of sausage, all lightly squished from the collision. I thanked him with a kiss and sat down on the stairs, devouring my mini meal.


In between shoving my mouth I mumbled to Sebastian, “Did you know that Sirius has a girlfriend?” I shoved the last bit of toast into my mouth. “Yeah I did Loren, why?” Sebastian asked. I choked on the toast and stared up at him, “You DID?” I asked in surprise and he nodded


“Why Loren?” He asked again and I wiped the crumbs off of my skirt. “Because I didn’t, not until today at least and well I thought I would have been informed.” I stood up and linked hands with Sebastian. “And well I don’t know, it sort of made me mad that I wasn’t told.”


“Why does it matter so much to you?” He snapped and let go of my hand. I blinked back the shock and said, “Why wouldn’t it matter, he is one of my closest friends.” I stepped closer to him.


“I know he is your friend. But you are so mad because he has a girlfriend big deal. Maybe he didn’t want to tell you because he didn’t want to upset you!” Sebastian was starting to raise his voice and he had pulled me into an un-used classroom.


“Why would it upset me if had told me. It upsets me that he didn’t. Sebastian can you just tell me what the hell your point is, because I do not understand it!”


Sebastian snorted and explained, “My point is Loren, that maybe he didn’t want to upset you because it’s so obvious you have a thing for each other. MAYBE he wanted to KEEP leading you ON and you know having a girlfriend at the same time wouldn’t be so bad! He could have one girl chasing after him and then a girl to shag when he needed it. I mean come on you make it so painfully obvious. He wanted a backup or something. Just so when he broke up with his flavor of the week he could have you as good backup shag. Pathetic!” 


I hadn’t realized what I’d done till I heard the sound of my hand against his cheek. He gasped when I brought my hand down. “I can’t believe you Sebastian; I never thought you would say such terrible things. I hate you.” The hate part was a lie but I was so incredibly mad it fit my mood. I stomped out and took a last glance at him.


Shame filled his hazel eyes and they bore into mine, “Oh Lor, I’m sor-” I shook my head and tried to hold in the tears; I slammed the door before he could finish and I ran out.


I ran without fully knowing where my legs were taking me and I couldn’t see properly with my tears obscuring my vision. I stopped running, clutching the stitch in my side and tried catching my breath. I heard heavy footsteps, a group and some mumblings. I looked around, noticing finally where I ended up. Somewhere in the dungeons, the footsteps were coming closer and I guessed them to be Slytherins.

I slid into a slightly ajar broom cupboard and listened intently.


“Good job Peter, do you think you are scaring her?” A female voice asked. “Yes at breakfast she always looks so paranoid.” I tried to cease my noisy breathing to be able to hear better. “Good, good. Have those Marauder gits expected anything odd of you?” I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth. “Yes but they think I’m just getting scared of their monthly adventures, they think that I’m scared of the wolf.” He snickered and the group laughed with him. I leaned out a little to see who else was in the group; I recognized a few, Bellatrix and Regalus Black, Lucius Malfoy, Naricissa Black clutching his hand, Peter Pettigrew. My stomach turned over, how long had he been acting as a friend to the marauders but hanging around with Slytherins? I squinted to try and make out the last form and was shocked. Barbie, well Carly, Sebastian’s friend, the one that hit on him shamelessly while I stood next to him. Did Sebastian know she was hanging out with Slytherins I knew she didn’t seem like a good person but to hang out with them?!


I had to tell Sebastian, Sebastian… My stomach flipped and the tears welled up again. This wasn’t the end of him and I was it? It was just a petty fight that meant nothing, it couldn’t end us. I loved him, I did. I might like Sirius but I loved Sebastian and he did me. That was enough to keep us together right?


“And how is your mission going Carly?” I leaned over and watched the group again. Regalus, Sirius’ younger brother was staring at Carly, “It’s going well, he is all for it, whatever I ask he does. Just like a puppet on my string. And then other one won’t even know what hit them.” Carly laughed coldly and the hair on my neck stood on end.


“Good the dark lord will be pleased with more recruiters but the other person isn’t necessary, you know that.” Regalus said. “Oh I know but you see they are so close to your brother that we can use them as a way in. Besides we hurt the other one, we hurt him” Carly finished.


Bellatrix cackled and squeezed Carly’s shoulder. “My, my for a Gryffindor you have so much Slytherin in you.” I felt nauseated and scared. Regalus’ brother was Sirius, who was close to Sirius? What other one? One of the Marauders or, Lily, Ava, me, his girlfriend, who else? Someone in his family, who? What were they planning on doing? And who else was a part of this plan, what other guy? I tried to calm my heart and counted each footstep as they made their way farther into the bowels of the dungeons.


Once they were gone I was off again, running to find Lily, Remus, Ava, James, even Sirius. Someone, someone needed to know. The Slytherins were working for him, the dark lord. They were working as his Servants doing his biddings, someone needed to know.

A/N- so here is the first out of two parts of the 14th chapter. hope you enjoyed it loves! I'm getting the ball rolling on writing! So you'll see more chappies fast, dont worry

Im back and better then ever, lol :)

Chapter 15: And the truth comes out Part 2.
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And now I'm left here waiting
for you to tell me how it ends
if I could only get a kiss
I could make you take a risk

Shine- The morning of (the truth comes out, part two)


I was running, I wasn’t even sure how long I had been running but the stitch in my side protested angrily and the beads of sweat that collected on my forehead threatened to fall. I clutched my side and ignored the cramp working its way up my ribcage. My lungs screamed at me to stop and my legs felt like jelly but I kept pushing, I needed to find someone.


It was a dark, cloudy day and the castle held a sad, eerie feel. The glow of the candles on the wall seemed almost unnatural and as my feet hit the ground the sound reverberated off the walls, filling my ears with the noise. The burning in my throat deepened and I couldn’t run anymore.


I stopped and tried not to collapse. My breath came in uneven, wild gasps and I sat down on the ground, wrapping my arms around myself, afraid I might fall apart at the seams. There on the floor is where the realization hit me; the panic spread through my bloodstream, paralyzing me momentarily and then the sobs racked my body.


The tears rolled down my cheeks without stopping and I could hear the cries coming from my mouth. The hysteria squeezed around me and the fear was almost tangible. People say that truth hits hard and fast but I never actually thought about it.


There was a Lord Voldermort, there were people who actually followed his lead and the wizarding world as well as the muggle world was in serious trouble. And I had to swallow all of that now.


I stood up again, shakily and wiped at my eyes, smearing my eyeliner. I took my wand out of my bag and stuck it in my back pocket, paranoia slipping in. Who could I trust now?


I walked to the end of the corridor and stood at the top of the stairs, I was nervous. I had to tell someone but I didn’t want anyone to feel the anguish and fear that ran through my mind. It had to be done though; there was nothing I could do if I didn’t tell someone.


I heard a creak behind me and I whipped around to stare into the darkness, the candles had went out and I hoped it was only some coincidence or there was a draft but I knew nothing good was about to happen.


As I went to turn, a pair of rough hands pushed me and I lost my balance and right before I fell, I caught the stare of gorgeous, hazel eyes.



Hushed whispers weaved themselves through my mind, mingling with dreams of sad, scared times. I listened to the voices of my friends and tried to claw my way back from my dreams but my eyelids were heavy and my voice was gone.


My head pounded and my stomach rolled as the taste of old blood filled my mouth. Breathing through my nose was impossible, something was blocking the way and I had to breathe awkwardly through my mouth.


“Will she be ok?” I heard a worried, Lily ask. “I swear, completely accident prone, she’s so unlucky. I mean seriously falling down the largest set of stairs in Hogwarts!” James said back to Lily and Lily hiccupped a laugh, she had been crying. Was I really in that bad a condition?


“She will be fine Miss. Evans, now please hold yourself together or I will give you something to make you calm yourself. Now please everyone, this area is much too small for,” She took a second, “Six people, move aside and let me get to her. The sleeping draught should be wearing off and I’m sure she can hear you. Miss. Evans?”


“Yes, Madame Pomfrey?”


“Not you sweetie, your cousin, Loren, Loren..?”


The heaviness that sat on my eyelids, lightened and a hoarse, groan escaped my lips. “Ow.” I whined and sat up. The room spun and I flopped back down. “Make the room stop spinning!” I demanded childishly and received a chuckle from around the room.


“Oh Lor! How are you feeling? Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am? Can you remember what happe-“


“LILY SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!” I screamed and rubbed my temples, noise hurt my head and I massaged my forehead. My hand ran over fabric, wrapped around my head and I stopped, where had that come from?


“Miss Evans, I would expect you to not use such vulgarity in my presence, thank you!” Madame Pomfrey snapped. “Now how are you feeling?”


“I’m feeling confusion! What happened?” Lily’s eyes bugged out and she opened her mouth. “NO! Lily I know I fell down the stairs but what’s wrong with me?”


“Oh well, you have a minor concussion, slight bruising around your eyes and head, you cut your lip, sprained your wrist and have bruises covering a majority of your body.” Lily replied.


“Loren you should be proud, it’s honestly a school record, most injuries received from falling down the stairs!” Sirius snickered and patted my hand.


Of course, only I could fall down the stairs and sustain injuries that people in car wrecks receive. Twice that I had fallen down the stairs today. Fallen? Wait, no I had been pushed I remember now, I was pushed right after I had my fit. Fit about what…? Oh, about the Lord Voldermort thing.





Over the next few days there was a steady stream of people in and out of the infirmary to visit me, much to Madame Pomfrey’s dismay. Most people came in, in groups and sometimes just one or two people at a time.


Sebastian had come to visit at least twice a day, everyday, carrying a box of chocolate frogs here, or some flowers there. But every time I heard the familiar shuffle of Sebastian’s footsteps, I turned and feigned sleep. It wasn’t that I didn’t not want to see my boyfriend but the accusations he shot at me about Sirius and I haunted me and I was more scared then ever that he could see more then I could.  


I loved Sebastian there was no doubt in my mind about that but I also knew that somewhere I was still harboring some type of feelings for Sirius. And that terrified me.


During the last few days I had never felt more loved, I had visits from a ton of Gryffindors, including, Ava, Lily, Remus, James, Sirius, even Peter came to visit once with everyone. A few of my professors had come to give me missed work and make sure I would be ready for the next week’s lessons. Even some random people from my classes came to make sure I was still in one piece.


Every night, during dinner, Sirius slipped up to the ward and brought me food. I made sure at this time I was wide awake, I couldn’t wait till this time every night and I knew I was losing control of my feelings.


Thursday was my fourth night in the infirmary and Sirius had just arrived, ready with a tray of chicken, potatoes, and biscuits. He pushed me over and squeezed himself next to me, so we sat side by side and as I ate he curled a piece of my hair around his finger.


“Sirius, can I ask you a question?” I said, after I had swallowed a piece of biscuit. I turned my head to look at him and the piece of hair he had, slipped from his fingers.


“Well you just did but I suppose you can ask one more.” He reached for more hair and leaned his head back against the pillows.


“Hm, what if I didn’t fall down the stairs, what if I was pushed?” I mumbled.


My words were drowned out as the doors banged open and a girl walked towards me. I didn’t know her and I wondered if she was just bringing me some more class work. As I opened my mouth to greet her, Sirius spoke.


“Hi Tanya” He said and the girl with the strawberry blonde hair walked over, “Hi Baby” She cooed and kissed him on the cheek. I choked on my pumpkin juice and tried to regain some cool composure.


“Who is this?” She asked sweetly and motioned between Sirius and me, with a sour look on her face. I smiled to myself and spoke up. “I’m Loren, Sirius’ best friend. And you are?” I twirled the fork between my fingers and Sirius watched me carefully.


“Oh, I’m Tanya, Sirius’ girlfriend.” She giggled and shook my sprained hand; I winced as she squeezed too hard.


“And I’m Sirius, now that we are all aquatinted, what’s up Tanya?” He smiled.


Tanya smiled back and laced her hand with his, “Oh well I missed you sweetie.”


“I was just with you, ten minutes ago though.” Sirius said


“But I missed you Siri.” She whined and batted her over-done eyes. “Don’t you miss me too?” She puckered her lips. She pulled on Sirius’ hand and he stood up. I fingered the knife along-side my plate and thought of a few names I could call that Strawberry Blonde, Bitc-


“Of course I miss you. I guess I could spend some time with Loren later.” Sirius looked over at me and his eyes pleaded with mine.


Was he really ditching me? Was he actually going to go with her and leave me? His sad, wounded, best friend? I was just about to tell him what really happened and at this crucial time he was abandoning me! “Is that ok, Lor?” He asked and wrapped his arms around Tanya’s waist.


I pulled my face into a contorted smile and I was ready to spit venom, “No of course you can go, it’s completely cool with me. Plus I think Sebastian is going to be coming up soon. Oh Tanya, Sebastian is my boyfriend.” I did my best impersonation of her giggle and turned away from Sirius. “You mine as well go, I won’t need you here.”


Sirius narrowed his eyes and he dragged Tanya away, making promises of ‘seeing me when he had the time’. A loneliness that found its way whenever he left doubled and I wondered, what was I getting myself into?


I sighed and leaned back into the pillows. I never had noticed that Sirius held such a manner with my feelings, sure I knew that he did give me an odd reaction but I never knew I would want to rip the head off the girl he was dating. I knew that I would do anything for Sirius but at the same time I knew I would do anything for Sebastian also. But I needed to draw the line somewhere.


“Hey” I turned to watch Lily walk in with an armful of books.


“Hey love” I smiled at her, “More work?” I asked and pointed to the already three foot high pile mounting at the side of my bed.


She placed the pile down and sat at the edge of my bed. “Yeah, the work-load is getting bigger, just your luck you get hurt during this time.” I nudged her with my knee and stuck my tongue out at her. “Well it’s not really my fault, you see I wasn’t-“


I stopped and thought a second, “Lily” I said and the urgency rang through my voice. “Can you do me something, I know visiting hours are over in, “I glanced at the large clock, “5 minutes but I need you to use your Prefect rights and come down here in about an hour and please you need to bring a marauder, whoever you find first.”


“Why, what’s wrong Loren?” I just shook my head and the click of Madame Pomfrey’s heels made us both jump in surprise.


“Miss. Evans, visiting is now over, I know I won’t have to ask you twice like I do the boys.” She crossed her arms and stared at Lily.


Lily stood and looked at my concern burning in her eyes, “Please Lily?” I said and she nodded, “Yes” and walked out, Madame Pomfrey, closing the large oak doors behind her.



The hour waiting was almost unbearable. Right after Lily had left, Madame Pomfrey gave me my nightly dose of potions, turned the lights out and her, herself went to sleep, biding me goodnight as she went.


I watched the clock tick by, once falling asleep but only waking ten minutes later. At half past twelve the clock chimed, scaring me and I knew Lily and one of the guys should be here soon.


I was pulling at the loose string on the blanket, slowly making a small hole. It was 12:50 and I was nervous that Lily had forgotten. I was about to roll over and just go to sleep when I heard a light shuffling. I looked around, waiting to see them but my eyes met nothing.


“Hello” I whispered and stood up. “Hello?” I asked.


Lily’s face appeared before me and as I opened my mouth to scream another hand cupped my mouth. “Loren ‘SH’, its just Lily and I.” James said and his face appeared next to hers and then their bodies right after.


‘Oh: I breathed and sat back down. I pulled the cloak away from James, “you know I hate this things, don’t you?’ I hissed, he laughed and nodded, sitting on my bed. Lily did the same.


“Now, can you please explain to me why you sounded completely terrified earlier?’ Lily asked and James nodded, wanting to know the story.


I cleared my throat and relayed the story, telling them everything that had happened that awful day.


After I had told them, I sat waiting for them both to digest what I had said. James was the first to say anything.


“YOU WERE PUSHED?” Who was it? I’M GOING TO KILL THEM, YOU COULD HAVE DIED!” I shushed him; if he woke up the nurse we were all dead. And if you think I’m kidding I want you to meet the nurse.


I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. He certainly was not making this any easier. I opened my eyes to see a flash of red and raven running towards the doors.


Oh my god, I thought, they seriously are going to kill someone. Bloody brilliant.


 I scrambled up from my bed, knocking over the sitting chairs on the side. I had no time to get dressed, I quickly glanced around the curtain to make sure the Matron wasn’t awake and then I was off.


I remembered moodily that the last time I was running around the castle like this, it lead up to the serious of events that brought me to the hospital wing. And then to add insult to injury, almost literally, I had just reached the flight of stairs I fell down.


“Oh what the hell” I growled, “Just perfect.” A slur of profanities left my mouth and I hopped down the stairs, gripping tight to the rail. I seen another glimpse of Lily’s hair, turning the corner and I screamed, “STOP RUNNING! YOU CAN’T RUN FROM THE CUNCUSSED!”


“GO BACK TO BED!” James screamed and grabbed Lily’s hand, running faster, if it was possible.


“NOT A CHANCE!” I screeched back and pushed myself harder. My head was starting to hurt and I was getting dizzy. “PLEASE STOP RUNNING SO FAST!” I whined my voice was hoarse; I seriously needed to get into shape.


“STOP FOLLOWING SO SLOW, LOVE!” James laughed and stopped suddenly; Lily skidded to a stop and stood next to him.


“Why-did- you-run-off’ I wheezed. Oh dear god, I seriously needed to work out.


“Togo get the other Marauders, we have to figure out who did this.” Lily said.


“Are you kidding me, it could have been ANYONE in the school with hazel eyes!” They looked at my curiously, “They had hazel eyes, that’s all I seen. Now can you just do what you have to do before I pass out!?”



Back in the infirmary, after I was carried piggy-back by Remus, we were all discussing who could have done it and why. The only explanation that fit was, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.


We talked about what I heard from Voldermort’s followers and they told me they had been suspicious of Peter for awhile but they didn’t want him to know, they wanted to figure out as much as possible.


I yawned tiredly and I guess they took that as a hint to leave, everyone that is except Sirius. He stood at the end of my bed and I starred at the ceiling, unwilling to even look at him. I was wondering how long me ignoring him would work before he spoke up, it lasted about two minutes before, “She told me she loved me.”


I took the bait, “Who?” I asked curiously and Sirius walked over, shoving my over and sitting next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and I leaned my head against his shoulder, “Tanya.” He replied and I tensed, taking my head of him.

That’s just- great.” I said fiercely.


“No, it isn’t.” I looked up at him and he answered my un-said question. “I don’t love her Loren, sorry to disappoint common belief, but I have never told any girl I have loved them. I wouldn’t want to lie.


“And how did she take it?” I leaned my head back down, feeling even more comfortable from where I was sitting.


He chuckled and pulled his sleeves up, showing me long, raw marks across his skin. “She clawed me, bonkers she is.” I laughed and rubbed his arms, “Poor baby. “I teased.


“Why haven’t you told anyone you love them?” I asked quietly.


“Well, if I tell you please don’t interrupt.” He glanced over at me and I nodded slowly.


“Well you know my family, who doesn’t. They are a bunch of asshole, blood status freaks and I can’t stand the lot of them. Since I was younger I was always the black sheep of the family. I was always the odd one out and it was always a bad thing to them. One day I told them to shove their prejudice thoughts up their arses and I left. I ran away to James’ and that’s history. I know it’s not the whole story and I will tell you that one day but right now all you need to understand is that my life isn’t as perfect as I make it seem.”


“I don’t tell girls I love them is because I can’t really believe in love. If there was love then my parents wouldn’t have hated me so much and I would still be a part of their family and not orphaned.” He nodded his head at me, letting me talk.


“Sirius if you don’t love anyone, why do you go through relationship after relationship, all over and over again? I mean are you just, idunno?” I left my sentence open, waiting for Sirius to answer.


“Compensating” He finished and I nodded “I think so Loren, I think I do it just to feel like someone needs me but when I get myself to far in I run. I don’t want to hurt anyone at all. But I know I can’t love anyone, the only girl I have had come close to loving, doesn’t share the same feeling and I wish so much she would.”


My stomach exploded with butterflies and my heart jumped into my throat. Is he going to tell me who he almost loves? I couldn’t help but wonder if it could have been me, no matter how much I was almost positive it wasn’t and how wrong I knew it was that I wanted it to be me, I still hoped and prayed it could be me.


He rubbed his face in frustration and looked down at me. His eyes held so much emotion, their normal grey a stormy blue. I stared into them, trying to count the emotions; Sadness, wanting, need, compassion, confusion. Everything that mirrored what I was feeling.


His eyes became watery and it broke my heart when it turned into tears. One single drop brimmed over and rolled down his cheek. I groaned and rubbed it away with my thumb, my breathe catching in my throat. Please don’t cry, please. My brain screamed and I wanted to hug him and tell him that his family was disgusting and awful, I wanted to tell him I was here for him and I wouldn’t leave. But some how I think he knew that, I didn’t have to say anything, he just knew.


“Sirius” I whispered, I let my hand linger on his cheek.


And right then and there, was the first time his lips touched mine. He tasted like mint and coffee. The kiss held so much emotion but his lips were soft against mine. His hands found their way to my waist and my one hand knotted him his hair, while the other stayed against his cheek. His tongue traced my bottom lip and opened my mouth, deepening the kiss. I couldn’t stop, I needed this, and I needed him. I was completely happy in this little perfect, blissful world, Sirius’ soft kiss and the lack of oxygen to my brain made me light headed and woozy. And I thought, this is how it’s supposed to be.


I broke the kiss to get air and my perfect, little world broke. I touched my lips, lightly and they were warm under my touch. I reached over to touch his lips too and they were also warm but red and swollen and I knew my lips looked the same.


Sirius jerked back at my touch and a strangled sound left his throat.


“I’m sorry,” he said, “I can’t.”


A/N- there chapter 14 is now all the way complete, both parts. What did you think? I hope there was a sufficient amount of, Loren/ Sirius- ness in this. I'm actually very proud of this chapter.

Now reviews would be splendid, because I have notice my read counts going up but a lack of reviews D:

Lastly as mentioned before, I wanted to add more lyrics since last chapter lacked. 

   I wish you never told me
I wish I never knew
I wake up screaming
it’s all because of you

                                      Scared- Three days Gracethere ya go :)

Chapter 16: Shooting Stars
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When my time comes forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory


Leave out all the Rest- Linkin Park


“Sirius, I-?” I was at a loss for words and I searched my head for the right thing to say.


“No, Loren, no, no, no.” He stumbled back away from me. “Just, just don’t” He groaned and edged his way closer to the end of my bed.


“I, I- what did I do?” I cried exasperated. Really this boy was wearing me thin.


“No, no, no, no, no, no.” He kept saying over and over, pulling at his hair and glancing at the floor then to me.


“What do you mean, “No”? You kissed me first.” I stood up. “You did it!”


“Loren, I- I don’t know why I did it! You were there and” he motioned to the bed “And then I was just and, you...”


“Are you trying to say, I seduced you?!” I half screamed and rolled my eyes “Oh no, because really I see where hospital gowns and greasy hair would really turn you on!” I hissed sarcasm heavy.


“No, Loren, you’re so beautiful and”


“Are you kidding me right now?! Because seriously calling me beautiful so does NOT help you right now!” Sirius is an idiot, I don’t doubt that now


“Aw Lor, come on.” Sirius said, pleading with me


“NO!” I screamed and hurled the vase of flowers from the side of my bed, it missed him by an inch and it shattered against the floor, water spilled, splashing and bits of flowers littering the floor around us.


I knew it was stupid to make so much noise, especially with Madame Pomfrey only a few yards away but I would have welcomed her with loving arms. Getting Sirius out of the infirmary was my main objective and any added detention was just a bonus.


And Sirius needed to leave before I threw myself desperately at him for another kiss, oh wait no. I slapped my forehead and banished the thought.


“Loren, why are you hitting yourself?” Sirius asked, walking towards me.


“It’s either me or you. Sirius, take your choice!” I yelped and my eyes blazed. If he got any closer, I couldn’t be counted for my actions; I would either kill him or kiss him.


I might actually do both.


“Loren, I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t think and I don’t think you did either.” I’ll ignore the fact that he was kind of making a dig at my intelligence. “And besides you have Sebastian and I have Tanya.” He ended


I scoffed. Well at least I tried to; it came out more of a cough, “Are you kidding me? You want little miss, ‘I love you’, bimbo. Because really you two are a match made in heaven! You both have enough ego to suit the school!”


Sirius ignored what I had said and spoke, “Loren come one, and you have Sebastian. Christ! Lor you love him. It was just a mistake Loren; forget about it, you know it meant nothing.” He looked pained at the last sentence and I wanted to hug him, kiss him, never let him go but at the same time I wanted to hit him, hurt him, scream at him.


“A mistake.” He repeated and I looked through my eyelashes, tears threatening to flood. I didn’t need that because I know Sirius, he would run to comfort me and we would be back at square one. “A mistake?” I asked sadly.


Sirius backed away and tried to talk, “No, Sirius, shut up and get out. I’m done with your bullshit.” I picked up a pillow and threw it his way, it hit him in the chest and hit the floor, the feathers drifting lazily threw the air. “You have hurt me enough, I don’t want to see you, hear you, think of you or ever talk to you again. Actually let’s just pretend that we never existed to one another!” I turned away from him childishly, burying my face into the mattress.


I peeked up and watched Sirius turn and walk away, knocking something in the trash, the last I seen of him, was a few feathers falling out of his hair. And then I turned and went to sleep, no screaming, and no tears. I just needed to get away from reality.



It was the beginning of my first Sirius- free day and so far, I was miserable. I looked at the calendar, one week till the first of December. I felt the excitement bubble up, so much would happen in December I could hardly wait, and then my bubble popped, no Sirius. No Christmas exchange with Sirius, no playing in the snow, no visiting him at James’ on break, or what about James’ Christmas/ New Years Party, would I have to close my eyes?


“I’m such an idiot” I sighed.


And as it was my first Sirius-free day, it was also my last in-hospital day. I had been there for a week, through thanksgiving as well and I felt completely pathetic. The nurse hadn’t let me shower because she didn’t want my bandaging to come off and I felt disgusting.


It was Friday and I had heard tomorrow was the second Hogsmeade day. Was I going? Probably not; I wasn’t in any mood to be out and about, I would only be a downer to everyone else and I was sick of being the source of frustration and sadness. I think I’m going to live in my bed forever.


Haven’t I been here before?


I looked over at the pile of homework stacked neatly, I had finished it all within the week and even splurged with some extra credit, I felt safe in saying I wouldn’t be lost in any lesson and I wasn’t going to fail. At life maybe but in lessons, no.


I glanced out the window, watching the snow drift through the air, covering everything and making icy rivets on the window. I absolutely adore the snow.


I stood up, stretching my body. I had to start getting my stuff together, in the last week most of my dorm had been moved into the little curtain contained room.


I reached over for the trash can, accidentally knocking it over. I walked over to pick it up and a card and package fell to my feet. I picked it up and turned the package over, no name. Read the card my brain said.


In neat, elegant writing;


Best Friend;

Life without you
just wouldn't be right
I wouldn't be able to get through each day and night

Get better or I will cry and whine

Well that isn’t true I just needed a rhyme!


I know it’s cheesy, oh well.


Love, Sirius


I unwrapped the present carefully, pulling out a blue velvet box. I opened it and unto my bed, fell, a snow globe. Inside, I don’t know how, but there was a floating constellation, Canis Major, I recognized. And of course one of the stars in the constellation was Sirius.


I shook the globe and stars rained around the globe, “Shooting Stars” I said quietly.


Leave it to Sirius to get me a gift that was completely useless but would mean the most to me.


A tear slipped down my cheek and I wiped it away hastily, I watched more stars shoot by and I shook the globe again, ‘I wish, I wish- I wish everything would get better.”  I set the globe down and turned my back, I wonder if it made sense to wish that a wish would come true.


Gathering up all the cards, I realized how many people actually loved me. It made me happy but of course my brain centered in on one of the most important people, I doubt he could love such an awful person. I pushed my fingers into my temples and tried to calm my breathing.


I messed up big-time, I had lost an amazing person, I was losing Sebastian I was sure and I was scared to admit, I didn’t mind losing him as much as I did Sirius. I lost a relationship with my best friend because of something I had waited for, for so long.


I said awful things and I know I had hurt him, probably almost as much as I hurt myself. My heart was breaking and I couldn’t stop it. I had fights with Sirius on a regular basis but I knew this one wasn’t going to just disappear from our minds. I had told him to forget I existed and I was scared he would do just that.


I know I was lying to myself when I said it, I could never forget his existence, it’s like pretending you don’t need air to breathe. I lie to myself a lot, but it’s the only way I can push myself through life.


I love Sirius


I love Sebastian


I love two amazing people, one I have loved longer and one caught me when I was falling for the other. But none the less I love two people, one who hates me and the other I was avoiding, what in god’s name is wrong with me?


I kicked the trash can and tripped, falling to the ground in a heap. The concussion hadn’t improved my balance in the least. I sighed and pulled myself up, making sure to pull the gown back down. That would have been a site.


I whipped around as the door banged shut and smiled at Remus. I walked over and hugged him. “Loren, what’s wrong.” He detected my feelings at once. I rolled my blue eyes and squeezed tighter


“Nothing, well a lot but I don’t want to tell you right now, ok?” I asked and looked up at him, blush painting my cheeks.


He chuckled and nodded. “So, I’m here to spring you. Are you ready?” I squealed and pointed to my almost packed bag. “I take it that’s a ‘yes’” He walked over to my bags, looking at the contents thrown in there haphazardly. He shook his head and started to correct my bag.


I just laughed lightly and grabbed my clothes, asking the nurse if I could shower now. She nodded, took off the band aids and pointed to the door.



I peeled off each article of clothing and let them hit the floor. I shivered in the drafty room. I looked into the mirror and inhaled sharply, the top of my head had a black colored bruise and my cheeks were scrapped pretty well but it didn’t hurt too much. Just after effects.


I unclipped my hair and it fell down around my face. I wrinkled my nose at the obvious oily look of my hair and ran a hand through it.


“Oh...EW” I said to myself.


I got into the shower gladly.


The water made tremors run up and down my body and goose bumps adorned my skin. I relaxed into the water letting it run over my dirty hair and body, rinsing away the dried blood. I watched the now pink tinged water swirl around the drain and then be sucked away to wherever, probably washing by Moaning Myrtle.


I washed my hair three times, scrubbing until my scalp was raw but clean. I felt better about things.


I sighed, another lie.


I felt better about being clean


“Better, Loren “My brain said


I stepped out, wrapping the towel around me tightly, watching the steam waft around me. It was so warm in the before drafty bathroom, I never wanted to leave; I could avoid my problems in the infirmary bathroom, which, I thought, was ten times better then my bed.


“Stop it Loren, stop it. Suck it up, grow a backbone, get your arse ready and face the world.” I egged myself on. I almost believed myself


That was until I started crying. I was more then terrified and not ready to even come back to reality. The tears poured down my cheeks, the salt stinging the scraps and making me wince. I sat down on the floor, bringing my knees to my chin. How would I face the rest of the year without my best friend and how would I tell Sebastian I … No I couldn’t say the awful word.


It was even derogatory in my mind. I was an awful person but I would never think I would be that low to... no. Still can’t say it.


And to enjoy it the whole time, I was awful. I was lucky if I was forgiven by Sebastian. And how would my friends now perceive me. Would they hate me too, would Sebastian? Was everyone going to forget me, like Sirius?


I would never found out if I don’t leave the bathroom, I sighed and stood up. It was now or never, push myself as hard and far as I would go and try not to have another breakdown on the way.


I bite my lip and brushed my hair, watching it spring back into loose curls. My eyes, shone with the fresh tears and I blinked them away. Maybe if I looked sane and happy, I would become sane and happy.


One could only hope.


I dressed quickly, not wanting to lose the confidence and security I had accumulated. I threw on my jeans and a white hoodie and lacing my converse. I was ready to leave the bathroom, to test how everything was going to fall and see if I could end up coming off this crazy ride unscathed.


I grabbed the handle, now or never, I reminded myself. I turned it slowly, hearing the click and took two deep breaths. I wrenched the door open, seeing Remus’ smile and I slammed it shut


I can’t do it.


I shook my head and tried again, opening the door slow this time and never looking up. I had it open and I was ready to walk out when I remembered how awful Remus might find me in the next ten minutes and I made to lock myself back in there, that is until Remus pulled the door open and nearly dragged me out.


Hey, where did my passive, think before acting, Remus go?


“Sit Loren,” He pointed to the chair next to the mattress and I sat obediently. He sat on the bed and motioned for me to begin, “So?”


“Remus I can’t, you’ll hate me.” I blushed and looked down.


It hit me; I couldn’t take anyone hating me but especially not Remus. So kind and never to judge, I couldn’t have him hate me. It might kill me. Sure I was almost dead from my heart breaking and probably soon to be shattered completely. But the thought of him hating me made me want to just off myself there.


“I would never hate you Lor.” He said sweetly and patted my hand. Ah, there’s my passive Remus. “Just tell me, like a band aid, tell me quick and it’ll be that much easier.”


I sighed, was he right? If I just blurted it out would my conscious be cleared and I would feel any better, maybe I said to myself.


I’m lying again. I’m a pathological liar. Only when it came to me though, any lie I could feed to myself I would eat right up. I was addicted to lying and it was started to make me sick. I almost never lied to anyone else but when it came to me I would pour myself lies and know I would believe myself, which is until now. Now I caught myself lying, which made me feel that much worse because I knew how often I actually lied.


I closed my eyes, breathing in deep. That’s it, I thought. No more lies, no more being scared, just say it Loren. If he hates you, then he does and you’ll get even more hurt. But to sit here avoiding it hurts more because you are left with every conclusion



“SAY IT!” My mind screamed. “Say that nasty, dirty word and find out if the world is left or if you’re whole world falls apart. See whose left standing and rebuild everything, just say it. Come on, finally say it, say what you did. Say what you did to Sebastian when he has only loved you. Tell how much you didn’t care about Sebastian then and how much you enjoyed it!” My brain coaxed me. I was being completely self destructive. My brain was just knocking myself out of whack,


“Say it Loren, just say how awful you are.” My brain is mean.




I drew in breathe and let my voice flow over every word.


“Remus, I- I cheated on Sebastian.” I looked up past Remus, ashamed; not being able to meet his eyes. I looked right into the sad, shocked eyes of Sebastian.


“Oh.” I gasped, “Bloody hell.”


And the pain just keeps on coming.

A/n- There you are. It's sunday and I'm putting this in for valdiation just as I promised, Fearer of Chipmunks. :)
Hope you enjoyed it. READ AND REVIEW !!!And now a quick thanks to Siriuslyawesome for leaving some of the most amazing reviews! :)

And btw- quick rant, I hate how spced out the paragraphs are but its won't let me do it any other way. So anyway, GET TO REVIEWING!

Chapter 17: Liar
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warning this chapter is mature for language.
No we won't talk
we won't say a word
I know we've said this before
don’t speak, liar

Don’t Speak Liar- We the Kings

"Loren" Sebastian said, it wasn’t a question it was a statement. He had heard everything I had said. 

"I’m so sorry Sebastian." I looked down, not meeting his eyes and sighed. I felt better not all the way but I didn’t feel like I was going to puke and I didn’t want to massacre myself. I felt lighter and glad I didn’t have to hold it in any longer.

I walked halfway towards him and stopped. "Let me explain?" He nodded once and sat on the cot.

"Sebastian, you were right when you said that I liked Sirius, I knew you were right but I couldn’t admit it. I was too scared, I have liked Sirius for such a long time and I figured once you came along, those feelings would just go away and I thought they had but I think I was just... suppressing them?"

"Don’t think I didn’t like you, because I did so much. But somewhere I still held those feelings for Sirius and I couldn’t shake them. Then last week, I realized how much I felt because I came face to face with the fact that Sirius had Tanya, I was jealous and confused. Then when you confronted me about liking him, I couldn’t take it, I felt like I was hurting you so much that I kept denying it. Maybe if I had denied it enough, it might be true."

I rolled my eyes and wrung my hands. Sebastian was being so calm and understanding. Either he was honestly taking this well or he was one of those people who let it all build up then he would whip out his wand and ‘Avada Kedavra’ me on the spot. I really hoped the latter wasn’t true.

"So then until last night I just kept that denying up but then the kiss came and I couldn’t. There was no way too but believe me, I love you so much. It hurt to know I was hurting you and it hurt to know I was still doing to but I was so confused and that’s not me giving excuses. It’s a hundred percent my fault and I wouldn’t be surprised if you hated me."

He shook his head, "I could never hate you." He said, I raised one figure and continued.

"Please know that I and Sirius are completely over with that. I actually made an agreement with myself that we are to never speak or-"He cut my off.

"Loren, he is your best friend." He simply stated.

"No," I sighed, "He isn’t, not anymore. Please believe me. He is out of my life, for awhile, if not forever. I am sincerely sorry." I looked up into his eyes. Pleading with him to forgive me, as my eyes found his an audible gasp left my mouth.

I jumped back, knocking into Remus and pointed a finger at Sebastian, "No, no! You didn’t, you couldn’t have."

Remus put an arm around my waist and pulled me slightly behind him, "Lor, what’s wrong, what’s going on?"

"Remus, his eyes, they are the same color, Remus they are the perfect color." I watched Sebastian go from confused to what looked like realization but it was only a flicker, then he was back to confusion.

"What color? Loren please calm down." He turned his back to Sebastian and looked straight at me. "Please explain."

"His eyes, they are hazel, perfect hazel." Remus scrunched up his noise, and then recognition lit his face. "Remus, I think he is the one who pushed me, his eyes they are prefect. I should have realized it before." I walked around Remus and straight up to Sebastian.

"Why would you do that, you said you love me! Why would you hurt me?" I stood rooted to my spot, chest rising and falling and my heart was leaping against my ribcage.

"What-what are you talking about? Loren I wouldn’t hu-hurt you. I do love you." He walked forward and I batted him way.


"No you liar, how could I not recognize the eyes, Sebastian why would you push me down the stairs?" I bit the inside of my cheek, what if I was wrong? I was accusing him of so much, but I knew at the same time that I wasn’t wrong, I just knew. And Sebastian was sporting a guilty face, no matter how much he tried to hide it, it was there. I could see it.

I heard a small ‘Oh my god’ and I looked past Sebastian’s head at James and Lily. Oh no, they heard. James looked pissed but his eyes were far off and he looked drunk. When he spoke his voice was barely over a whisper, "What the fuck did you do Sebastian?" I shivered lightly.

Sebastian tried to keep his cool, confused face but it was faltering and you could see even more realization. "I didn’t do anything James. Why would I hurt her?" He moved forward and put his arms around me and I tried pushing him away but Lily got to the punch faster.

"Get your sodding arms off of her, now." She had her wand pointed directly between his eyes and he let go, putting his arms into the air in a mock, ‘I surrender’ way. "Back off and if you touch her again you’ll be missing some very important limbs." Her eyes trailed to his Netherlands and he backed away.

As he backed away I pulled my wand out of my bag and stood behind him. Losing any of my common sense, I pushed the tip of the wand into his neck. His arms dropped to his side and I felt Remus inch by me to stand next to the others. "Why would you ever hurt someone like that, ever?" He started talking and I pressed the tip into his skin harder.

"Loren, sweetie, don’t." Lily was trying to coax me over but I shook my head. "No! I will not stop. He tried hurting me, he could have killed me!" My hand shook and I heard Sebastian whimper.


"Loren, please, please, don’t" Sebastian said in a strangled voice. I felt a tear slid over my hand and I pulled up a bit, taking off the pressure. "Please, I wouldn’t hurt you ever, I pro-pro-mise. Please, I love you."

"You lie!" I said my anger bubbling through, "Don’t you dare lie. I know it was you, do you think I’m stupid?" I was losing the edge to my voice and the tears were flowing down my cheeks, "Please, don’t lie to me."

I dropped my wand and crumpled to the floor, breathing heavy. Sebastian kicked my wand aside and sat down next to me, putting his arms around me again and burying his face in my hair, "Loren please, I really didn’t" I looked up to him and his hazel eyes held tears.

I scrambled away and Lily ran to me, leaving a wall between me and Sebastian, "I don’t believe you. I want you away from me." I said it simply. "Just go." Sebastian stared at me in shock, not leaving and I asked again but still no response.

"Just go." Remus said in a husky, tired voice. "Now." He rubbed his temples and I watched Sebastian leave.

Could life get any worse, I had kissed someone I loved, been rejected and turned down, lost the friendship, cheated on my boyfriend and found out that the reason I was in the hospital wing was because of my boyfriend.

James picked me up as if I was rag doll and hugged me tight. "Loren, I’m sorry this happened." He lifted my feet off the ground and squeezed me tighter. "You are too good a person for that awful, stupid, git."

I laughed lightly and it was sincere, a completely honest to god laugh. "Maybe, maybe not James, but I’m just glad you’re here to remind me of that." I pecked him lightly on the cheek, as he set me down. I walked over to my cousin.

"Lily, would you have really done harm to someone, for me?" She nodded once and rolled her eyes. "Is that a real question?" I smiled and hugged her too, saving my last hug for Remus.

"You don’t hate me right?" Remus scoffed at me and buried me in a bear hug, squeezing the air out of me.

"No Loren, I don’t hate you for being human. I could never hate you ever."

After Remus let go of me I stood in front of James and Lily. I wasn’t going to give them a long story, there wasn’t a point. I looked up at them, giving them an apologetic face before hand and stated simply, "I cheated on Sebastian with Sirius." I turned away grabbed my bag and started towards the door.

As I walked passed the two I heard a small, collective, "Oh," from Lily and a quiet, "Asshole deserved it anyway" from James. I laughed, turning back to walk with them, glad the subject was dropped.

"Good-bye Madame Pomfrey" We said in unison not even waiting for an answer. "Good-bye, infirmary." I said under my breath, with that we walked out.

I sat on my bed, slowly unpacking everything and thinking about the days occurrences. Well more like the weeks occurrences. I sighed heavily, my life wasn’t supposed to be this complicated. I threw a shoe against the wall angrily, nearly missing Ava’s head.

"What did I do?" She said, after handing the shoe back to me. Ava looked flustered and out of breath and I hadn’t seen her for more then two minutes in about three weeks.

"Where have you been, love?" I pulled her to sit with me and she turned towards me. "What do you mean? You saw me earlier." She pulled at a piece of her blonde hair.

"Yeah but for what, five seconds, then you were off somewhere?" I swiped at her hands, getting her to look at me.

"Well, I’ve been busy with um, ya know, homework and such."

I groaned at the obvious lie and was ready to question her further but feet thundered up the stairs. I jumped as the door banged open and Lily stood, clutching her side, catching her breath. "He’s back-Avery’s back."

I screamed jumping up and grabbing Lily’s arm. I pulled her down the stairs and tripped going down. We tumbled down, landing at a heap at the bottom. I stood fast, looking for my brother. "He’s just gotten past the gates." Lily said.

I ran out of the common room, leaving Lily behind. Pushing passed a bunch of 3rd years and down the stairs I made my way to the great hall.

A hundred questions ran through my head. The most prominent was how my dad was. I was still having that awfully morbid dream and for some reason I kept getting the sinking feeling it was going to come true. But that isn’t possible, I am no seer and I’m definitely not in the Trelawney family.

Even though everyone knew, most of their family was a crock anyway.

I sprinted to the big oak doors, wrenching them open. At the end of the path I saw my little brother. I screamed and darted towards him. "Lor Bug!" He yelled, dropping his bags and running towards me. I laughed at the nickname our father gave me years ago.

"Av!" I reached him and hugged him tight, standing on my tip toes. He had grown over the past three months. I looked up at him, smiling. His baby face had become more handsome and mature. He was tanned and the freckles on his face were more prominent. We had the same green eyes and his stood out against his darkened skin.

"Who are you and where is my gawky, baby faced brother?" He laughed and swung my around, kissing my forehead. "Oh I traded that in for this handsome, Casanova."

I snorted and grabbed one of his bags, "Come on Casanova, I have some questions for you." He groaned and grabbed his trunk, mocking a soldier and marching to the door.

"Come help me unpack? Oh, but first I have to visit the Marauders." Sebastian said and motioned for me to follow him upstairs.

I shook my head and told him I had something important to do and I would meet him in the common room in 30 minutes. I actually didn’t want to stumble upon Sirius, especially the day after our argument; he would think it was setup.

I walked down to the corridors, deciding to go out to the lake to just think. I needed some alone time to figure out where I was going and what I doing with everything that was thrown at me.

I skipped down the stairs oddly buoyant but still pissed as hell, odd girl, aren’t I? "Loren!" I turned around, standing in the middle of the staircase, looking for the source of my name. "Loren, wait!"

Sebastian came running down the corridor, standing at the top of the stairs. He looked frustrated and there was an edge to his voice.

My heart skipped a beat and I instinctively backed up, almost losing my footing. "What Sebastian, want to push me again." I let my hand slip to my back pocket and started inching my wand out. I seen his hand do the same and I tightened my grip on the banister.

"Loren, I swear I didn’t!" His moved forward and reached his hand further in his pocket.

"Sebastian I couldn’t forget the eyes, your eyes! I’m not an idiot, what do you take me for. Why did you do, that’s all I want to know? WHY?" I wrapped a hand around my wand and I felt sparks go off, scorching my jean pocket.

Calm down, Loren. My head told me. Stay calm and you’ll be better able to get out of this safe.

I breathed in deep and slowly backed down the stairs. I was almost down when Sebastian spoke again, "Loren please. I didn’t do it!" He stuck his hand down, deep in his pocket and pulled it back out fast. My hand shot up, wand pointing to his stomach.

He put his hands up for the second time that day and showed me the small slip of folded paper in his hand. He nodded once, set the paper down on the stair and turned and left without another word.

I let out a constricted breath and before I could even think I was at the top of stairs, grabbing the paper. I had my wand still at the ready, just in case. I put the note in my back pocket to read when I could relax and wasn’t scared I was going to be ambushed again.

I turned again, trying once more to make it to the lake but I was called back. "Loren?" Oh my god, not again, I thought. I turned around, wand still out. "What Sebas-oh."

It was Peter not that seeing him was any better then seeing Sebastian, especially since one of the last times I had seen Peter, he was with a group of Slytherins and making plans to help the ‘dark lord’

"Yes Peter?" I asked, I could hear anger in my words but I’m sure for that idiot, it was undetected.

"Are you going done to the lake?" He walked down to the bottom of the stairwell.

"Oh that was the plan." I rolled my eyes and put my wand away, Peter wouldn’t hurt me. I think he would be too scared out what the real Marauders would do.

"Well would you mind if I er joined you?" He stepped closer to me and I instantly regretted putting my wand away.

"Actually, I didn’t notice how late it was. So maybe some other time."

"Oh but Loren please," Peter said placing his hand around my wrist." I have a surprise for you."

I wrenched away from him, putting about three feet between us. "I said no, do not touch me again and I would be ever so pleased if you didn’t ever come near me again." I pulled wand out and ran up the stairs, turning the corner as fast as I could.

Great, now someone who is buddy-buddy with Slytherins and the Dark Lord wants to be friend that could only be good.

I made it to the portrait of the fat lady, "Boogalabash" I said when a hand touched my shoulder. "Now what!" I half screamed.

Lily jumped, surprised by my outburst. "I just wanted to know if you had question Avery yet." I laughed at myself for being so paranoid, "Actually," I said, "I was going to do that now, care to do the third degree with me?"

Lily nodded happily and we walked in, seeing Avery on the couch in front of the fire and plopping down next to him. "So," I looked at him, "Where ya been?"

He sighed and turned towards me, "Can I answer that later." I shook my head once.

Well I’ve been home. And around."

"Oh and where is this, ‘around’?" Lily said, catching his words.

"Nowhere in particular" He said back.

"Really is that in England?" I pushed him deeper with the questions.

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Hey is Hogwarts in England?" was his rebuttal.

Lily grabbed the bait. "Of course it isn’t, idiot. It says in ‘Hogwarts A History ‘that the direction location isn’t exact but it’s somewhere around Scotland. Why would it be in England, it would be too easily accessible. Especially to-"

I brushed away her lecture, "What were you doing in ‘nowhere in particular, Mr. evasive."

"Some stuff. Ya know, working the mines." Avery said.


"Oh really and how are these ‘mines’?"

I really wish my brother would stop being a wanker."

"Oh most dreadful, such other worldly conditions, I mean the pay was horrible."

"Really now where were you Avery?" Lily was getting impatient and the game wouldn’t last if she did.

"I was home and I did leave once or twice..." He trailed off.

I sighed and they both turned to me. This was getting us nowhere, fast. I didn’t have the patience for Avery’s mess with your head games right now.

"Avery, how is dad?" The words slipped out of my mouth before I even thought about it.

"What, he is fine, what are you talking about?" Avery seemed shocked I had asked and his tan face was showing the signs of going red.

He stood up and grabbed his school bag, before running off and out of the common room without so much as another word. I had hit the nail on the head. Something was up and I wasn’t quite sure what it was. But believe me, I would find out.

"Ugh, why is everyone being so bloody odd today?" I jumped up too, heading to my room. "I’m calling it a night and going to sleep!" I yelled, letting the common room know not to disturb me.


Maybe it was a lie; maybe I wasn’t going to sleep. Actually I definitely wasn’t. The only thing I could concentrate on was reading the note from Sebastian, which until I had pulled from my jeans was figuratively burning a hole in my pocket.

I unfolded the note carefully, seeing the small, chicken scratch letters of my boyfriend, or ex- boyfriend, that I wasn’t sure of. I inhaled, staring at the piece of parchment. After reading this, who knows what could happen. What could it say? I doubt there was anything in here to make me forgive him.

I looked down at the ink spotted note and began. "Loren,"

A/N- Hey all, hope everyone enjoyed their holiday. I sure did :) but now its back to work and back to adding more chappies. Yano the deal. Read and Review lovies, right in that little box below :)

Chapter 18: Oops
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I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the rush of your skin
I miss the still of the silence
as you breath out and I breathe in

Come on, get higher- Matt Nathanson

Three days, three long days. That's how long it has been since the day I left the infirmary. Three days since I lost a best friend, a boyfriend and gained a brother and the secrets that came with him. It wasn't as if I wanted to keep track of the days on the contrary, actually, it was driving me mad as the days went by. The three days that had passed were becoming increasingly hard. The first day was in fact the easiest, the weight of the situations was new but as the days passed the pain ebbed over me and made it hard to breathe. The only relief I had to this was that my brother was home but then he had secrets and skeletons in his closet that he wasn't so willing to tell.

I had become fond of thinking over each individual problem and thinking of different scenarios to go to.

It had been three, almost four days, since I have talked to my former best friend, Sirius Black. Now, seeing as we had, Potions, Defense against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Astronomy, Charms and Care of Magical creatures together, not seeing him was near to impossible. Actually it was impossible also being, we shared a common room and ate at the same table, oh and the little glitch in sharing the same friends.

The main thing, though, is my class schedule insures we see each other everyday being, Mondays I have: Ancient Runes (Lily, Remus and.... Sebastian.) then Potions (Lily, James, Peter, Remus, Ava, and Sirius) then Herbology (Remus and James) Transfiguration (Lily, James, Remus, Peter, Sirius, Sebastian) then Care of Magical Creatures, (Sirius) and then lastly Arthimancy (Lily, Remus, Ava) So Mondays I see Sirius at least three times.

Tuesdays: I have break the first two periods, then Herbology (James and Remus) then transfiguration (with everyone but Ava) then Care of Magical Creatures, (Sirius) and then I get break but Care of Magical Creatures is technically my last class of the day.

Wednesday: I have Runes (Lily, Remus and Sebastian) Potions, (Lily, James, Peter, Remus, Ava, and Sirius) then Defense Against the Dark Arts, (Sirius, James, Lily, Peter, Remus) Transfiguration (everyone bedsides Ava), Care of Magical Creatures, (Sirius) and Arthimancy, (Lily, Remus and Ava)

Thursday: I have two periods of History of Magic (Lily, Remus, Sebastian, and Ava), Herbology (James and Remus) Transfiguration, (Everyone but Ava) Charms (Lily, James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius) and then break.

Friday: Break for one period, Potions (Lily, James, Peter, Remus, Ava, and Sirius), Dark Arts (Sirius, James, Lily, Peter, Remus) Transfiguration, (everyone but Ava) then Charms, (Lily, James, Remus, Peter, Sirius) and then Arthimancy (Lily, Ava, and Remus)

And then on Tuesday and Thursday at midnight I have Astronomy with everyone. James, Peter, Remus, Sirius, Lily, Ava, Sebastian. The reason for such an odd schedule is because of all the different classes students are taking and also because this year a lot of students had to drop classes due to not having an acceptable grade in their, Owl’s

But back to the matter at hand.

It had been three days of not talking to Sirius, who until then was my best friend. It's hardly fair; I couldn’t understand how the world had flipped in such a small amount of time. How was it fair that one bloke could kiss me, regret the kiss, make me want to kill him, kiss him and hate him?

How stupid could I be? Now, I know I'm not the fastest broom in the cupboard but to let any of this happen was absolute codswallop. I've known Sirius long enough to know relationships our jokes to him and he gives kisses out like they are candy, but to me? His best friend? Then after kissing me he loses the bollocks to do anything else and then nobly remembers his girlfriend, what hippogriff shit that it, and then to make me feel like the bad guy by guilting me about Sebastian, absolute shit. Sirius had kissed me and then took it all back and claimed to not be thinking, he got caught up in the moment. He is so full of it.

And just to add to it, I had to tell him to hit the bricks and he listens. Sirius never listens and the one time he does, was the one time I didn't want him too. How in the name of Merlin did I expect us not to see each other, we share the same bloody common room. But no, some how Sirius manages to amble around the school with his other Marauders, pretending like nothing ever happened and denying my existence. But I know him better then that, he knows I'm here. We would catch each other sometimes, green eyes meeting grey but then Sirius would look away, pretending I was just another face in the crowd, pretending to not see me, which I think is far worse then pretending I don't exist, simply because he couldn't stand to look at me.

I missed my best friend and the pain in my chest just deepened by the day and then I had to deal with the problem that his lips touched mine and it had been something I had wanted for god only knows how long. Now I had to try and pretend as if that hadn't happened either. I had to ignore the memory of complete passion that had us deepen the kiss and the longing that was there when his hands reached my waist. How could Sirius say it was a mistake, bloody lying git.

Speaking of gits, my brother hasn't spent more then five minutes with me since the conversation that occurred.. three days ago. Him, being a year younger then me, was never in any of my classes and had Owl’s this year so he had a large amount of homework or at least that was always his excuse. He had told me nothing of his whereabouts and writing to my mother wasn't worth it and she was fit to not tell me anything.

But I knew wherever and whatever he had been doing had something to do with my father, which terrified me because of the dreams I had been having.

Then to my last problem, Sebastian. Bloody wanker he was. After pushing me down the sodding stairs he expects to wiggle his slimy self back into my life with a note.

I pulled the paper out of my robe pocket, where it had sat for the last three days and opened it, smoothing out the creases. I looked up and around my transfiguration class, my eyes settling on the back of Sebastian's head, where he sat trying to change a turtle into a spoon. I looked back down to my own turtle, whom I had half-heartedly turned and now took on the silvery sheen of silverware.

I gave up trying to change my turtle and threw a cautious look at the parchment on my desk. It would be one of the hundredths of times that I had read it. I didn't even know why I had bothered to open it, I had it down by heart but the small, scratched letters always pulled me to it.

‘Loren,’ I wanted to ignore the deep words, everyone knows when you ignore something long enough, it just goes away. Stop lying to yourself loren.

My hands shook and I started again,


Before you crumple this and throw it away, please listen to me. Loren I would never hurt you, I would never think to hurt you and you must know that, somewhere. I beg you Loren. I love you, I love you, more and more each day, to be without you is something, that I, I could not even comprehend to think of. You are a friend, a confidant and the love of my love. You are so much to me, hurting you would hurt me and I am no masochist. I understand how you could have been deceived, hitting your head might have confused you or whatever thoughts that Black put into your brain. He is a master of trickery and a conner of the sorts. He has some hold on you and I don't blame you, I know you are sorry for cheating on me and I completely forgive you, now please can you find it in your lovely, gentle heart to forgive me for the argument we had previously and don't even give a second thought to the stairs incident I have forgiven you for this silly little mishap. So Loren, baby please, please, if you love me please meet me at the astronomy tower, I will be there every night at midnight.

Love, Always, Forever,

I let out a shuddering breath and tried to let the sob roll out of me quietly. I had debated every night since I had received the letter, whether or not to go. I had even made it as far as the 3rd floor stair case and then I would turn around, letting my feet find their way back to the common room. I knew the honorable thing to do would be to talk to him, Sebastian, that is. And for about ten minutes every night I had honor but then my fear would kick in and I would sadly become the coward with no backbone or bravery again. I couldn’t be noble or brave and it definitely wasn't the nerve or chivalry that put me here in Gryffindor.

If anything I belonged in Hufflepuff but maybe not. I mean, I'm not patient in the least and as for loyal, I just lost a best friend, was it not self-explanatory? Ravenclaw is a no, I'm not one of those too-smart-for-their-own-good gits, I'm not saying I'm a complete prat, I do have some higher level classes and I make decent grades but I'm not bookish or ready and willing with a smile on my face to do work. And as for Slytherin, that's obvious, I do not and will not support any of that dark art, he who must not be named shit.

So where does that leave me? I don't belong in any of the Hogwarts Houses, I'M HOMELESS!

I rolled my eyes at the over dramatic thoughts and wiped the tears that had slipped down my cheek, away. I had had enough of this stupid crying and jumbled thoughts stuff. It was simple, either, I forgave him enough to see him and believe he didn't push me down the stairs, or I could stay in the place I was and be completely miserable. The obvious answer was to go and met him but the smarter way was to not risk it and not even go near him.

But who said affairs of the heart had to be smart? I sighed inwardly, I sounded like a bloody soap opera.

I folded the note, sticking it in my binder, amongst the stacks of other papers and I looked down at my metallic, silver turtle that had crawled about a foot away. Grabbing my wand I said the incantation with a bit more heart then last time and watched my turtle turn into a small, intricately embellished teaspoon.

The bell rang just as I was finished and I collected my papers, binder and bag and waited for my cousin at my table.

"So, did you transfigure your turtle?" She asked lightly though you could tell she had something else to say. I nodded and raised my eyebrows, coaxing her on, "Oh well, me too and I got to move on to turning frogs into the actual china."

I laughed, "Only you would be that excited about turning a toad into a teapot."

"Frog." She corrected and I turned my head to stick my tongue out at her. She nudged me with her elbow and slipped through the door after Remus and James. I did the same but caught my toe on the door stopper, lurching forward and scattering all of my papers across the floor. I landed on my hands and knees, feeling the dull throb throughout my arms and legs, "Ouch." was the only thing I could say, I looked up through my curtain of hair at Lily, James and Remus, who all stood five feet away, staring behind me.

I flipped over, curious at what they were looking at. I could feel my heart swell, and then drop at the site. Sirius walked towards me with his bimbo of a girlfriend, he looked down to the trail of papers, letting his eyes find their way to me, who sat at the end of the trail. I knew I was blocking the door but I was in too much shock to move. I had two thoughts at that moment, the first was, ‘I wonder if he will help pick up my papers ‘and the second was,’ Wow he looks rough’

Sirius gave me a once over, lacing his fingers through Tanya's. He gave no indication of helping me and just stepped over my legs, ignoring my presence." Bloody wanker" I muttered, loud enough for him to hear. He narrowed his stormy eyes at me and pulled Tanya harder to step over my legs too. The hate that filled me brimmed over and as she stepped over me in her kitten heels, I brought my knee up, catching her foot and watching her eyes widen as she lost her balance, coming down in a wide arc, across my legs.

I watched Sirius whip around, thunderstorms in his eyes; I pulled my legs from underneath Tanya's and stood, straightening my skirt and jumper. "Oops." I said, a sinister smile playing across my lips. I 'accio-ed' my papers into a pile in front of me and shoved them into my bag with haste. I glanced over at Tanya, who had just stood up, dusting off her hands. "Bitch" She spat across to me and I watched the faces of my friends change from utter surprise to sheer hatred.

"Are you talking to, me?" I asked with complete innocence.

She rolled her over done eyes, "Yes, you. You're the only bitch in this room aren't you?"

I narrowed my emerald eyes and pursued my lips, "No," I said, "Sirius knows a lot about being a bitch but as for you, Hun, better to be a bitch then a slut."

Lily moved behind me, James and Remus building a bridge between the two groups, not choosing a side. I took a step forward, challenging Tanya. She too stepped forward, "Well even if I am a slut, at least Sirius likes it." She gave me a wink and pinched Sirius' arse.

I let out a little laugh, "Yeah but, Sirius would take any scum of the earth that would promise to give him a good shag and suck his--"

"Oye!" James called, "Please, not so vulgar Lor dear, you’ll scar me."

"You’re only jealous that he didn’t want you." Tanya quipped and stepped closer.

"Oh yeah, I’m so jealous. I mean he just snogged me because he didn’t want me.." I moved closer, pushing Remus to the side. Tanya gapped at me, her eyes in disbelief and shock, "Oh and he was’ not wanting me’ while you two were together. So if you put that together that means he must have been cheating on you."

The only thing I felt was absolute power, power over another person. I was being mean and sadistic and I liked it, I had felt so much that I was breaking and I was becoming cold. I was getting a high off the awful truth, I looked over at Sirius who hadn’t taken his eyes off me, and he looked at me like he would a stranger, someone he didn’t recognize. And I didn’t blame him, I wasn’t me anymore, he hurt me beyond measure I wasn’t his Loren, his best friend, Lily’s cousin Loren, I wasn’t best friend to Ava or Remus or James. I wasn’t Sebastian’s ‘love’. I was Loren, I was hurt and walked all over, I was Loren and that’s all I was. I had changed in the last few weeks; I was hard on the outside and shattered on the inside.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still best friend to Ava, Lily, James and Remus but that wasn’t my title anymore.

Tanya had taken this moment to talk, her normal perfectly straight hair was bushy and her clothes wrinkled and I realized then and there, she wasn’t giving up, Tanya wasn’t a person who gave up. She had the rich, pure-blood crazed lifestyle and the Gryffindor ego which was a lethal combination. She stepped closer, a foot away and looked me right in the eye, holding her head high.

"You’re just an awful, boyfriend stealing, mudblood." She smiled too, the same smile I had plastered to my face. But in that moment I snapped, lost any resolution. I watched Sirius’ mouth fall open and I felt Lily tense behind me. I seen James and Remus look at each other and then my mind went blank. I lunged forward, sinking my nails into the soft fleshy part of her face and I felt James and Remus throw their arms around my waist, pulling me away. I kicked at them, feeling my converse scuff someone, "Ouch Loren, stop." Lily said.

I wriggled forward, moving my fingers towards her eyes. Remus and James pulled me back again but I grabbed her nose, keeping a good grip. "You stupid, good for nothing, pure-blood maniac. I hope the ground swallows you, you git!"

Sirius stepped forward, placing his hands over mine and loosening them, having no luck he opened his mouth, "Loren, stop."

Sadness ran through my veins, making the contents of my stomach churn and burn the back of my throat. I let go of Tanya, looking at the eight bloody gashes on her face. I fell back, my body weak and I stood up, pushing the guy’s arms away from me. "Haven’t I heard those words somewhere before, Sirius?" I grabbed my bag from the floor and walked away, leaving the two groups to stare at Sirius. The pain that was etched across his face didn’t even phase me.


Checking to make sure Ava and Lily were asleep, I threw the covers off of me, grabbing my cloak, I had ten minutes to make it the astronomy tower before midnight. I crept to the door, quietly, not wanting to wake the two light sleepers. I hopped down the stairs, jumping over the creaky, loose boards. I made my way into the quiet common room, my eyes adjusting to the orange glow that came from the dying embers. I heard a noise to my left and spun around, looking for someone or something, but nothing was there so I opened the door gently, trying not to wake the fat lady.

I ran down the fourth floor corridor, my footsteps light as not to make a sound. The clock above the great hall tolled midnight, making the hairs on my arms stand up. It was eerie to be alone in the dark, the faint remnants of moonlight leaving squares of light on the ground. I stopped at the stairs that led to the Astronomy tower and swallowed the bad taste in my mouth.

"Now or never Loren" I said to myself. I tightened the cloak around me and started up the steps. As I made it to the top I was met by the site of Sebastian, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge, his strong form relaxed against the wall and his hair rippled lightly in the cool wind. The moon shone down on him, lighting up one side of his face, showing his handsome features while the other was hidden in the dark and it was hard to imagine him ever being so but scary to look at.

I cleared my throat, "Sebastian." I said and he turned around slowly, the moon playing over him. He jumped down, coming forward, his arms outstretched. I flinched at first but his arms came around me, cradling me, his face in my hair and my arms wove around him, finding their usual place." I missed you." I said in one breathe. Realizing then that it couldn’t have been Sebastian, he wouldn’t hurt me like that, I know it.

"I missed you too, more then you can believe. Please Loren, don’t believe what you think. I wouldn’t hurt you." I nodded into his chest, kissing it lightly and moving up to his lips, pecking him once.

"I believe you, I’m sorry I ever doubted you, I was so lost and so confused. I’m sorry I cheated on you; I never would want to hurt you. Sirius plays no threat to you. I promise you that, he was a crush you are the real thing, some one I couldn’t be without."

Sebastian kissed my forehead, "I couldn’t ever be without you either Loren, I forgive you, water under the bridge. But please, before I lose my mind, can I kiss you?" I laughed and nodded

He leaned down and his warm lips touched mine and his hands reached my waist, my hands went to his face and I felt so at home. He deepened the kiss, lifting me up and pressing my back against the wall. I smiled into his lips. His lips moved from mine finding my neck leaving small bites across my neck. I could feel the blood rush to my face and everything around me was warm and hazy. I brought his face back up to my lips, letting my tongue graze his bottom lip, asking entrance. He opened his mouth to me and his teeth nibbled my bottom lip, making me let out a muffled moan.

His hands pushed my shirt up, leaving warm trails where his fingers touched. I shivered lightly and tightened my grip on him. I pushed my hands up his shirt, letting my fingers trace the contours of his chest, he braced me against the wall and pulled his shirt away, my eyes raked his perfectly shaped chest. I kissed his neck hungrily and moved to each shoulder blade. He lifted a finger to my chin and looked me in my eyes, Sebastian pulled at the hem of my shirt and I nodded, un-clasping the cloak from my neck. He lifted my shirt up, leaving me in only my bra. The cold air ran over my skin leaving goose bumps in its presence. Before I could shiver though Sebastian’s mouth was planting, hot kisses along my chest and neck.

I dragged my nails across his back, pulling him closer to me. His fingers ran all over my body and to my back, pulling at the hook to my bra. I bite harder then usual into his neck making him moan. I giggled lightly and loosened my legs from him, letting my feet touch the ground. I kissed him once more before grabbing his shirt from the cold, stone ground.

Sebastian looked confused." Did I do something wrong?" He asked, running his hands over my shoulders. I shook my head and laughed.

"No, love but we just made up after a long while and besides do you not realize it’s about 20 degrees out. Also I’m not sure how far I’m ready to go." He smiled, understandingly and wrapped his arms around my cold body giving me my, wrinkled shirt. Sebastian kissed my nose, eyes, temples, then my lips, muttering his words of love into my skin.

I reached up, tracing his features with my index finger, over his perfect nose, around his bright eyes, lightly over his lips. I felt his body shiver as I moved past and I wanted so much to always be this close to him, our hearts open and willing, our bodies places for each other to explore and our souls connected to one another’s wanted to know he would always be mine and I was his. We as each others and no one else's. I wanted to keep the feeling of rightness, the need for the other. The way our hands lingered over each other, our nerves fine tuned and electrified, I wanted to keep that feeling always close to me, open to tap into any minute, to hold in my hand and be in control.

I wanted to know we could always be like this.

"Sebastian, promise me," The hysteria in my voice bubbled up, "promise me, there will always be a place in your arms for me."

He folded his arms around me, tighter, his forehead resting lightly against mine, nose to nose. "I promise you, love, Loren, I promise to not hurt you and to be always what is good for you. I promise, your spot will always be right here." His arms tightened again and he leaned down, kissing the spot right above my heart.


I slipped in my dormitory, my face warm and a smile stuck to my lips. A euphoria ran over me and the option of keeping to myself wasn't conceivable. I tip-toed to Ava's bed, gently waking my 'missing in action' best friend, pulling her over to Lily's bed. I nudged my cousin's arm and pushed her over, sliding between the sheets and Ava after me.

"You guys," I whispered in excited tones, gripping their hands under the duvet, "me and Sebastian are back together." I waited for the sleepy mumblings to end before their realization seeped in.


"WHAT?" Lily shrieked, sitting up, her hair a blur of red. "Have you gone completely nutters? He pushed you down a staircase for lord's sake are you going to wait to break up with him when you're standing on the edge of a cliff?" I snorted at Lily's comment, earning a glare from both Ava and Lils. "This is not funny, Loren Evans. Why in merlins pants would you do this?"

"Calm down! Lily, he didn't do. I know he didn't!" I squeezed her arm reassuringly. "Lily he loves me, so very, very much. I love him too, you guys. I couldn't be without him. He didn't do it, I know."

My cousin rolled her emerald eyes, "Loren, you were positive he pushed down the stairs, now you're positive he didn't? Which one is it? How can you be sure? He could be a danger to you. I will not stand for you being so naive."

"Lily, I'm sure. I know he didn't. I'm not being naive, I love him and I know him. Don't act like you know best, because you don't" My words came out in a hiss.

Ava stood up, walking out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I stared at the door incredulously. What was her problem? Was she mad at me now too? I stood, stamping my foot hard, startling Lily to look back at me. "Can you never be happy for me, truly. You have what you want, you have James. I want Sebastian, I need Sebastian. He didn't do it. I know it. Be happy for me, or just leave me alone." I crossed my arms, waiting for her apology.

Lily's eye went wide in shock, and then narrowed into green slits. She sauntered forward, "Fine Loren, your way or nothing? Then you get as you wish, I will leave you alone, give me the same honor." She turned around, bursting out of the doors, the same as Ava had a minute before. I stood in her wake, completely and utterly lost. Had I just lost both of my best friends?

Ava's point of view.

I stormed out of my dormitory, had my ears deceived me? Was Loren really going to stay with Sebastian. Even if he didn't push her, she had accused him out it, had a solid thought that he had hurt her. I hadn't been around much for my two best friends and I do have reasons for that but I had been set to be around more, help Lor through her break up considering the events but now? Now where am, I mean I agree 100% with Lily, Loren was being naive but I couldn’t leave Loren without someone to lean on, especially without her cousin, she would be lost.

I ran up the stairs, opening the guys bedroom door, stalking quietly to the neatest side of the room. I opened the curtains, wiggling in, trying to not wake the sleeping boy inside. I gently shook him, his eyes moved underneath his lids and his breathing sped up, he was waking up. I leaned back and sat Indian style waiting for him to come to. He stirred again and blinked, once, twice and then stared at me.

"Hello love" He said huskily, sleep deep in his voice. "What are you doing here? Not that it isn't a pleasant surprise."

I blushed, feeling the blood run warm into my cheeks. "Hello Rem." I said and I could still feel the blush coloring my cheeks.

He propped himself up on his elbow, bringing his other hand to cradle my face, pulling me down lightly. His lips found mine in the dark and I threaded my fingers in his tousled, honey colored hair. I pulled away and put a finger to his lips to silence his words of protest. "I, well we, have a problem."

He nodded, motioning for me to continue, "Well" I said, wringing my hands, "Loren is back with Sebastian."

Remus' looked at me and started laughing, "You're kidding, yeah?" I shook my head and he just looked at me.

Before I even had time to register what happened Remus was on his feet "HAS SHE COMPELTELY LOST IT?" He was thundering around, pacing back and forth.

James sat upright out of nowhere, sleep still stuck with him, "Was-goin-non" He rubbed his eyes and looked around, grabbing his wand and igniting all the candles in the room. I closed my eyes, I was close to tears. "Loren took Sebastian back."

James stared at me, I realized then, there had been a lot of blank staring going on that night, and James opened his mouth once, stood and walked across the room and pulled from a heap on the floor a cloak, the invisibility cloak. "I'll kill him." were the only words James spoke.

I laughed nervously and then the tears brimmed over and my laugh turned into a sob. Remus ran over to me, his arms around me, hands flying to my face, wiping away the tears that had fallen down my face and onto my shirt. The guys new about me and Remus, they had found out themselves with that clever little map they own. I had felt bad but the girls still don't know, I couldn't tell them. I don't know exactly why, Remus said it was safer that way and I knew very well in my head I kept this to me because it was my secret it felt so much more mine when I only knew, this was my little lie, my little secret, my little love affair.

Remus kissed my eyes when they had run dry and I hugged him tight to me. My little, love.

I looked to Sirius' bed, surprised that he had been sitting up, listening the whole time. James walked to him, sitting at the edge of his bed, like he was breaking tough news to him, like a death had happened or his favorite comb had been lost.

"Sirius, mate, Loren and Sebastian are back together."

Sirius' eyes never flickered; he opened his mouth the words coming out fluidly and in one monotone sentence. "Yes I knew that."

I raised an eyebrow, Remus and James matching my confused look. I waited for someone to talk, to say something. Nothing. So I said something. "What? How did you know?"

He stood, grabbing his jeans off the ground and digging into the pocket, he pulled out a piece of parchment. The paper had many lines and creases, looking old and worn. He flicked it across to us and it landed in my lap with a soft, whoosh sound. "She dropped it earlier," Sirius muttered and left, his footsteps bounding down the stairs.

And by 'she', we knew who he meant, the only 'she' Sirius had really thought of in the last few weeks. Loren.

Alex's Note- HA! Sebastian didn't push her down the stairs :p! So for all those lovely reviewers who took the time to back-track. You didn't look close enough. I praise you though for being so devoted to actually re-read. And now to my apologies! I'm so so so so sorry for the long wait. I have a very good reason though, my pleasent mother turned off my internet! But after much begging, she got it back (: And I am not satisfied with this chapter at all, there was too much random information that I felt was needed though

So I'm on vacation and I will be writing a lot this week. (It's only monday the 16th) And one last thing, I noticed my readings going up but my reviews going down, come on people! I need reviews!!!! XD


Chapter 19: Cosmic plus signs
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Author's Note- So before I give you the next chapter, I must profusely give my apologies for being an awful author! I am so sorry for not having a new chapter in two months, I have no one to blame but myself! And school but we can get to that later. I know all of you probably want to kill me for taking so long but better late then never, yes? Well anyway..

School has been so hectic I am failing miserably and I need to fix that so I will promise you this, chapters will indeed be coming reguarly again but if I disappear for a short while, let's all agree to blame it on my school. Okie and one more thing please do not kill me if you think this chapter is awful, I'm not too fond of it either, though it has its points. NOW PLEASE READ AND PLEASE REVIEW!!! good or bad folks. (:

Take these chances to turn it around
Just take these chances we'll make it somehow
And take these chances to turn it around
Just turn it around

When it Rains- Paramore

Yawning, I scrubbed my hands over my face. I had been sitting, alone, in my dormitory, waiting for Ava or my cousin to come back from classes. I stood up, stretching and stealing a glance over at the candle stub that, two hours ago was brand new, it gave the last flicker of life and then the room was bathed in darkness. I clicked my tongue and walked over to my stand, stumbling in the darkness. Slamming open the drawer in the stand, I pulled out a long, white candle, lighting the wick with a match instead of magic, instantly the flame caught and the room brightened a bit.

I paced back to my bed and then to the door, not sure where to go or what to do. Wringing my hands I made myself sit back on my bed, smoothing the duvet around me. The girls had been gone for hours and it had to be said that it was my own fault but in any case, Lily was wrong, Ava too. They could never just accept things for how they were and move on.

I had come to realize in the last few hours that no matter what not everyone would come out of this unscathed. Someone was inevitably going to get hurt and I might have been selfish to believe it would be myself. I lost someone no matter the scenario; well I would lose another someone. I lost Sirius and I was losing Lily and conceivably Ava, then I would lose James and Remus.

I was only left with myself and Sebastian. No matter how much love I had for him, it just didn't seem like a consolation prize compared to everything I was losing.

It didn't have to be said that I was beginning to panic.

I tried my hardest to not think of my already messed up life just slipping out of control more, but the more I pushed it to the back of my mind, the more it came full circle to rear its head at me.

Usually in this situation I would find someone to thank for making my life absolute shit but I could blame anyone but myself. Being angry with anyone was easy and pathetic but I knew the only person that could have caused this much damage was myself and that was the only person I could be angry with. I was angry with myself above anything else.

Angry with myself for ever bringing myself into this position and angry for bringing the people I love most into it with me. It was one thing to get hurt by myself but to hurt everyone within a mile of my heart was awful.

I hoped above hopes that I could fix things and try to salvage my life, but I was being selfish and should have just hoped to get as many people out of my life as safe as possible with me around.

I groaned and flopped back onto my bed, my foot connecting with the stand. I heard something roll over the wood and fall, hitting my ankle before glass shattered on the floor. Not thinking, I stood up to see what was broken. Hot pain seared through my foot and I jumped back lifting my foot, glass was rammed jaggedly into the soft flesh in my heel. I winced and pulled the pieces out before sitting on the floor.

Something wet moved around my fingers and I glanced down to the silvery liquid and followed the path to where it started. My eyes rounded on a million shards of glass and what looked like silver water and diamonds mixed together on the floor. Stars.

Sirius' snow globe had fallen from my night stand. I grabbed a thick piece of glass and fingered the smooth edge lightly. A bubble of pain rippled up in my chest and tears brimmed over my eyes, leaving small water marks on my jeans.

"I'm so sorry, so, so sorry." I cried, sobs catching my breath." I'm sorry Sirius, I didn't mean to, I miss you Sirius. I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't want to mess anything up, please forgive me."

I curled my legs to my chest and leaned my forehead on my knees. My cries were muffled but I cried still, talking to the someone that I really needed to have back in my life but couldn't have. "Sirius I never meant to hurt you, I'm sorry for telling you to go, I don't want you gone, I love you. I love you more then anyone else. I'm sorry for breaking the globe, I didn't mean to. I don't want to hurt everything. Sirius I need you, forgive me. Forgive me, please."

I whispered the words over and over again, laying on my side and burying my head into my arms. I was pathetic and hurt.

And there wasn't a big enough band-aid in this world to make it any better.


Fingers waved over my face and body and an urgent voice whispered in my ear. I opened my dry eyes and lifted my tear stained face. Ava's blond hair pooled over my face. "Ava, I'm sorry." My voice was hoarse. She turned her head to me and pulled me up, wrapping me in warm arms her head leaning on my shoulder.

"Loren, no matter how wrong I think this all is. I'm not leaving you" She soothed pushing my hair back. "What happened to you hun?"

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself, holding anything left of me together.

Ava gave me a weak smile before sweeping the glass into a container and dropping it into the trash can. She stood walking to the bathroom, poking her head from the bathroom she said, "Lily isn't coming back if that's what you were waiting for. I'm sorry Loren; I don't think this is going to magically fix itself."

The words I knew were coming stabbed at my brain and the unused tears I had washed over my face. Ava came back a second later with a small box in her hand and two clothes in the other, "None of that love, you'll fix things and I'll help. Now just stay still and here."

She handed me a warm cloth and I wiped over my face letting my breathing steady. I glanced over to Ava and watched as she washed off my cut foot, "I can do that you know." I pointed out and leaned over to grab the alcohol but Ava slapped my hand away.

"Just lean back," She reprimanded, "let me be your best friend."

I nodded and watched mesmerized as she wrapped my foot in gauze and sealed it of, patting it gently and pointing to my bed. "Sleep" She said.

I pulled myself up and pulled the covers down on my bed, but before slipping in I grabbed the container of glass and shoved it under my bed, I couldn't throw it out. I trudged to my bed and lay down, letting my hands lay over my chest, protecting my heart from any further damage. Weight pulled at my bed and I looked over to Ava who was slipping into the bed next to me.

"I figured there was only two of us and my bed is all the way across the room, besides you don't need to be alone." She kissed my forehead and squeezed me.
"Things will get better Loren. I promise you."

Leaning my head on her shoulder and whispered good night and closed my eyes, clearing my mind and letting a dreamless sleep fall over me.


"Are you going to eat lunch at the table today?" Ava asked, the next morning, rushing to grab her books.

"I don't know," I said wearily and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, "it depends on what happened later I suppose."

Ava nodded, "Well I'm going to breakfast, see you in class, love."

I smiled in good bye as I watched her walk way.

To be honest, I would have rather not gone to class today. Or probably any day for the rest of the year but I wasn't going to miss class because of this. Vacation was in two weeks and I would just have to bear with life. I had class with Lily all day today and Sirius also, I wasn't sure how long I was going to make it with my sanity and then I wasn't sure how long I was going to make it without it.

Taking a deep breathe I walked out of the dormitory, glancing into the mirror on the wall beside the door beforehand. I grimaced at my reflection and took in my appearance. My hair was thrown up into a ponytail and my ebony curls were frizzy and snarled. I looked about as good as I felt. And right now I felt awful and tired. Shrugging my shoulders I walked down the steps and scanned the room for Lily, she wasn't there so I pushed open the portrait and left, not planning on making it to breakfast.

By the time I made it into the corridor my heart was pounding in my chest and I wanted to run to the nearest bathroom and hide, I was nervous about seeing my own cousin, how sad. A movement behind me made me jump and I turned to look into dark circled, green eyes.

"Hello little brother." I said slowly.

"Hey, I heard about you and Lily and I heard about everything else that has gone on within th past few months." Avery said. I winced and motioned for him to walk. "Lor Bug, where did all your sense go?"

I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows. "What do you mean Avery?"

"I mean this; even if Sebastian didn't push you, you were capable of thinking that he had. And before that you cheated on him, you were never that girl. And then before that you sat around and let Sirius not know you loved him and let yourself get hurt. You're not like that, that was never something you would do."

I shook my head and stepped forward, "And you were never the person that kept secrets from me, especially when it came to our family." I sighed, "Daddy is in trouble, and I know it. When you're ready to talk to me, you know where I'll be. I have a lot to tell you." I walked away feeling his surprised gaze on my back.

I guess I was full of surprises lately.

I walked sluggishly down the hall, stumbling around the corner and dragging my hands over the stone walls. I let my feet guide me, leaving my brain free to wander. My eyes fell over the rows and rows of stones that set the ground below me.

I heard a muted sob in front of me and my neck snapped up, eyes settling on Moaning Myrtles Bathroom. I rolled my eyes but at the same time my heart ached for the poor, depressed ghost girl, who was, like me, alone.

I opened the door, slipping in quietly. I wanted to console the poor girl, but how do you tell someone that was doomed to the earth forever; that you knew how they felt? You couldn't because you could never know how they felt, unless you too, were a ghost. Another sob rolled from under one of the stalls and the locked clicked open, the door opening slowly.

Before I had any real time to register that it was a human in the bathroom, I was already in the nearest stall, peaking through the crack of the door, crouched on the toilet so they couldn't see my feet.

High heels shuffled over the floor making a light, click, clack noise. Every so often a small sob would escape her lips and then a short sniffle. I waited quietly for the girl to come into view, wondering shamelessly who it was. As a crop of blonde hair came into view, my shoe slipped lurching my legs forward and my body down. I hit the ground with barely a noise and thanked Merlin I was a graceful klutz.

I looked back through the crack of the stall, my breathe hitching in my throat, Carly, Sebastian's friend, leaned against the sink, something in her hand and mascara stains painted down her cheeks. For a split second I felt pity for the obviously upset girl but at the same time the word, 'karma', worked its way into my vocabulary.

You don't hit on my boyfriend and then expect life to flow swimmingly.

Whatever her evident problem was, I had convinced myself it was my cosmic doing. I had found my revenge somewhere in the stars or in tea leaves and whatever the heavens had cast upon her was her own fault. Eye for an eye and all that good stuff. For once life was working for me and Saturn must have been in line with Mars or something along those lines because in the air was the pungent, sweetness of what was meant to be revenge and I hadn't even had a hand in it.

Another sniffle and the blonde girl fixed her skirt and threw the little bobble in the trash and clacked out, sweeping her hair over her shoulder before leaving the bathroom completely. Scrambling up, I pushed open the door and stepped out, stretching my limbs and pulling my bag over my shoulder.

Normally I wasn't a curious person (my conscious gave a little snort at this statement) but I had to figure out what the gods were cursing her with. So looking from the door and back I walked over to the garbage bin and looked down at the newly added piece of trash. Scanning my eyes over the tissues, old lipstick containers and ripped up notes my eyes stopped over a small white piece of plastic.

"What the..?" I whispered before using my wand to flip it over. My brain took a minute to register what the gods had smitted her with. But slowly realization swept over me and I could barely contain the gasp that left my throat. Right there in front of me, blared a big, light pink cosmic plus sign.

"Shit! I didn't mean to knock her up." Was the last thing I said before running out of the bathroom.

Professor McGonagall walked by but not before fixing my hand position. I smiled at him curtly and dropped my hand resuming my all day- day dreaming. The only thing that had come to mind all day was that Carly was pregnant and I was just guessing but besides her and her new bundle of joy, I might have been the only one who knew. I sighed and ran my hand over my flat stomach. In a few months, Carly would have more to worry about then finding her favorite shade of lipstick, she would have a kid, a living, and breathing life that screamed for attention and before that would be like a little science experiment in her stomach.

The term, 'Just add water' echoed in my head and I rolled my eyes.

How could anyone that young have a baby? She was only sixteen, maybe seventeen the same age as me and I know that I could never be pregnant at this age. It was impossible. I would probably forget to feed him. How do you remember when to feed him? But a better question appeared as the other trailed way, what do you feed a baby?

I was never having sex, ever. Bad news for Sebastian but unless he was going to remember to feed Junior he was shit out of luck. My stomach rumbled under my fingers and I remembered that I had forgotten to stop at the kitchens this morning; I had forgotten to feed myself.

The human race stood no chance with me, I was one of those people that weren’t meant to have a child, I was the volunteer population control.

How would Carly get by? Would she finish school or just never come back for our last year. She would surely get fat and you would see her waddle through the hallways wondering whether she had eaten too much for lunch or if she had forgotten to use pre-contraception.

And who was the father? Probably a Slytherin. A fellow follower of you know who, their baby set to be a minion.

I dropped my wand on my desk and poked my boyfriend in the side. "Seb?" I asked him, waiting for him to turn. "Seb!" I repeated urgency in my voice.

"What Lor?" He asked and turned his stool towards me. The freckles on his noise spread out to his cheeks and I smiled at him.

"Carly is pregnant." I mumbled and motioned to her with my head. "I know it isn't my business to tell but I seen her this morning in the bathroom with the positive test in her hand!" I bit my lip and blushed, feeling bad for spreading gossip but it was the truth and it was only to my boyfriend.

I watched carefully as Sebastian looked from my lips, to Carly across the room and then back to me before his mouth made a small, 'O' shape. His eyes glazed over lightly and his face turned red. "Wow, uh, that's a lot of information Loren. Maybe you shouldn’t ya know, tell anyone else?" His voice shook and I wanted to hug him for being such a loyal friend.

"I won't, promise." I mused and kissed his cheek. "You're such a great person, looking out for your friends and everything."

He laughed nervously and kissed my cheek his gaze going back to Carly.

One thing was for sure, I hoped the father of her child was as good to her as Sebastian is to me.


I gripped the banister as I hopped down the stairs, following Ava's wake. "So are you coming to lunch with me?" She asked, turning to me at the bottom of the stars.

I grimaced at her and shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face the Marauders and the rest of the Gryffindor’s. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face anything. I wasn't getting used to hiding.

"I guess Ava." I told her and looked from my hands to her face. She smiled at me appreciatively and grabbed my hand, pulling me to the Great Hall.

As the smell of lunch wafted through the air, my stomach growled for the millionth time that day and my mouth salivated. I hadn't eaten since the day before yesterday and food seemed like a god send at this point.

I let Ava pull me to the table, keeping my eyes trained on the benches, plopping down when I had to. There was only us and a few others at the table so far, none of my old friends in sight. "Where is everyone else?" I asked in hushed tones, dropping salad onto my plate.

"They'll be here." She said, pulling a basket of rolls and butter toward us

I stifled a groan behind a yawn, "Oh that's good." I lied and took a sip from my goblet. Ava eyed my, raising her eyebrows at me. "Well what do you want from me?" I ran my finger over the fork next to my plate.

"Well for one I want you to not have gotten back together with him. And two I want you to pretend to want this all back." She motioned over the table with her roll.

I narrowed my eyes at my best friend, "Ava we aren't getting into this, I love him and that's final," I whispered in furious tones "and I do want this all back, why would you think I wouldn't?"

"Because Loren, it doesn't seem like you're trying to hard to get it all ba-"

"Shush," I half yelled, as Sirius and James plopped down across from us. "We can talk about it later." I said my voice wobbling.

Ava nodded and handed me an apple from across the table, "Eat Loren, you haven't eaten in awhile, I know you must be starved." I nodded at her and gave her a grateful smile before digging into the Shepard's pie I had placed on my plate.

"Hullo Loren" I looked up, food in half chew. James smiled at shyly and I dropped my fork in surprise. "Don't I get a 'hi' back?"

I swallowed the food, my throat searing in pain as the half chewed substance slid down my throat. "Hi" I said and mouthed an, "I missed you."

He cocked his head to the side and ruffled his raven black hair. "I missed you too" James whispered before scooping some food from my plate and shoving it into his mouth.

"Oh how very attractive" A familiar voice said from behind me. It took all I had to not turn around and smile at my cousin. A small thump signified she had sat next to Ava and a metallic clatter suggested she was started to eat.

Lily greeted everyone happily before setting cold eyes on mine; she turned her head as if I wasn't there and engaged in conversation with Remus.

I could feel the hot tears welling in my eyes and I pushed my plate away, trying to swallow the sob that was churning in my stomach. Something kicked at my leg and I popped my head up meeting both James and Sirius' gaze, but before I could even think of what happened Sirius' head was trained back on his napkin.

Had he just kicked me? Or could it have been James? Or someone just was adjusting their leg at the table. I gulped and shook my head to clear my thoughts. My whole body screamed that it was Sirius, I of course wanted it to be Sirius but just because I wanted it to be him didn't mean it was. But there was barely a doubt in my mind that said it wasn't him. I smiled to myself, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was him and no matter how much he hated me he had tried to get me to not cry and to distract me when I needed it most. His best friend abilities were still in his reflexes and it that small thing that brightened my day.

As I gobbled down the last bit of my food and chugged the last of my juice Sirius rose, walking away from the table without saying goodbye to anyone but on his face sat a smile, a warm, sincere smile that you could only see from him was in awhile. Everyone's eyes flew up to Sirius and then back to me, well everyone besides Lily. But before anyone could question the smile on either of our faces a small tap on my shoulder made me break eye contact with everyone else.

I spun around looking into my eyes for the second time that day, "Hey Loren, I thought about it and we need to talk," said my little brother, making my already noticeable smile a little bigger and a little more noticeable.

A/N- Well if you hated it, you're on the same boat as I am but I needed to get this out to you anyway because I felt awful for not having one in so so long. If you liked it, well thank the sweet lord! (:
Now a few things- this chapter has foreshadowing coming out of its arse, being completely honest, there is a TON of it!

thank you that will be all. READ & REVIEW LOVES! <3

Chapter 20: Mazes
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You can scream out loud but your pain falls on deaf ears
This is where you've brought yourself and this is what you've always feared
There's a faceless crowd, with no sympathy
So you can scream out loud but there's no one listening

Built for Sin- Framing Hanley

Avery coughed beside me, trying to lighten the tensed mood.

Turning my head a fraction of an inch, I raised my brow at him and looked forward again, our light footsteps barely making a sound on the damp stone. It had felt like hours had passed since my brother had come to me in the Great Hall, only sheer minutes had passed though, reminding me of what was to come when we stopped walking.

A fake sneeze left Avery, joining the almost excruciatingly loud silence. I sighed, my brow meeting in to middle to make a small crease. A thousand thoughts bounced off my skull and focusing on the stone flooring wasn't working to my advantage. My fingers quickly found their way to my thigh and tapped a relentless beat.

tap, tap-tap. tap-tap-tap, tap-tap-tap.....

"Ahem" My fingers stopped their count and a scowl painted my lips. I turned half way, keeping an eye on my footing.

"Yes Avery?" my fists tightened at my side, a surge of defeat rang through my nerves and to my left, a glimmer of victory beamed from around my brother. "What do you want?" I hissed, irritation finding me in the gloomy hallway.

In all honesty, I had no reason to be irritated with my younger brother, but none the less I was. Exasperation squeezed at my throat and the sour taste of guilt filled my mouth. I desperately tried to fix the frown on my face. I needn't be bitchy to Avery, especially since he was being so compromisable.

"I just don't want you to be mad at me or Mum, Loren. We honestly wanted to tell you, we did. We just, we just couldn't" A small look of complete regret pulled at his face and I stopped, this feeling was almost too much.

"Avery," I started a sigh escaping me, he turned to me, his features poised towards me, he was always so attuned to everything, giving himself completely to is surroundings. "I'm not so much as mad at you guys, just more hurt by it all. We are supposed to be a family Av, we are supposed to tell each other everything, I'm not supposed to be left out." As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them right back, gobble them up and hold them in my throat, just remnants of words that would have been said by only a selfish person.

Was that my problem, I wondered. Did I feel left out? Did I feel uninvolved and like the mental five year I am, was I just stomping around, waiting to get my way? I wanted to slap my forehead, like the characters in a children's cartoon, I was acting like a kid in almost every aspect. Was it selfish to be upset, I mean it is my family and if there is a problem like I suspect then it can't be that big of a deal, right? The questions were overwhelming me and the words that rolled off my tongue weren't meant for anyone's ears.

"Am I being selfish?" I asked

Avery moved towards me, pulling at my hand, "No Lor, you aren't, we were wrong from keeping it from you. You're right, we are a family but we weren't acting like one so much, you are nothing close to selfish. When I asked you not to be mad, I don't mean that it isn't our fault because the blame is completely on Mum, me and Auntie but I just don't want you upset with us. I hate when you're mad at me." His voice trailed off at the end, the final note hanging in the air, creating a thick tension.

I tugged back at his hand, cupping his within mine, even though his hands always seemed to encase mine. "I'm not mad Av, not at all. I'm sorry if I gave you any grief, I'm just worried." I blinked back the tears and suddenly realized how worried I actually was. "Avery," my voice shook, "please just get us wherever we need to go and tell me, I need to know." My voice had dropped to nothing more then a whisper but my brother nodded and pulled me faster.


Lily let out a huff of air and scooped up some more of her eggs, shoveling them into her mouth, "What was that about?" She said almost smugly and let her spoon clatter onto the empty plate. She looked up from her place setting and eyed her friends.

Eight pairs of eyes met hers at once and looks of complete shock mixed with her look of irritation, "What!" She half yelled, letting her emerald eyes widen.

"What do you mean, sweetie?" Ava asked, pushing her waist length white-blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Well didn't you notice, she was all sad and sorry looking, then she instantly perked up. What is she on about anyway, why did she even sit here? She doesn't belong here....." Lily crossed her arms almost viciously and everyone at the table turned towards her in complete disdain.

"What are you on about now Lily?" Sirius asked, throwing his napkin across the table at her. It landed in her lap before she whisked it off, "She is in Gryffindor and belongs here as much as you rightfully do." He hissed.

Lily narrowed her eyes, "Oh? Why all of a sudden on her band wagon Sirius? I thought you two hated each other, I mean, I wouldn't want to even look at her after what she did." Her voice carried across the table, strange faces casting glances at the group of friends, "Cheating on her boyfriend with you and then going back to him, well I would feel certainly inadequate." She let her voice drag at the end of each word

"That's enough Lils" Ava said, rounding on her best friend. "She is your cousin and you need to stop acting like this."

"You too?!" Lily hissed, "Well why doesn't everyone just go find the trader, maybe she'll be more fun then me. I'm sure she'll snog you for a sickle." Lily smirked, an awful glint in her eyes.

"Oh shove it Evans" Sirius said before walking away from the table his face flushed.

"Honestly, Lily?" Remus asked before following his best mate.

James stood two, exasperation flowing through him. He grabbed his school bag and tossed it over his shoulders, "Lily, love, you need to stop. I'll see you later." And he left, following out his fellow Marauders.

Ava sat staring at her friend before pushing her plate aside and leaning forward, "Lils, I don't care how upset you are. You know you're cousin isn't some cheap hussy and you need to just chill the fuck out and get over it. Be mad, be upset but don't be a bitch." Ava said slamming her hand onto the table and standing, swinging herself around and walking out, the small pitter patter of her feet following in her wake.

Lily sat alone, upset and sad. She missed her cousin more then words could say and she hated the way things now stood between everyone, but if Loren was going to play this stupid immature game, Lily would too. And she would play it better, and soon enough she knew, things would be fine, she just needed to wait out the game for a win, her own win.


We hurriedly passed the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and stood in front of the wall opposite, we were standing right in front of the room of requirement and as I watched my brother pace back and forth, I couldn't help but imagine what he could be telling me, but I got stuck right there. I couldn't even think of what he could be telling me, all I could think of was how bad it could possibly be. How much could go wrong in one year?

It felt like fate was stacking everything up on me, pushing me farther and farther away from everything good and sticking me in the middle of a dark field full of mazes and pricker bushes and random trees and so far it seemed, I keep walking face first into trees and getting my clothes stuck in the pricker bushes and for all I know, I've completely lost the right way out of the maze and I was probably just walking in a circle.

But I did know one thing for sure, no matter how lost I became, I knew that I had to keep trying to find my way out, I had to fight my way out of the maze for myself and those around me and the first step to that was dealing with whatever Avery was about to tell me, good or bad, I would deal with it head on.

"Come on.." Avery said and pulled open the door, leading into a small, cozy room. A fire crackled in the hearth across from a wide couch. I sat down, legs folded under me, hands placed in my lap. I was about to find out what I had been wanting to know for months now, but all of a sudden I didn't want to know, I was scared and nervous and I feared the worse but still I kept with my earlier though, I had to face whatever it was that was happening, whatever it may be.

"So." I said

"So..." Avery echoed and I chuckled lightly.

"Avery, can we just get on with it?"

My brother nodded, anxiety etched into his handsome features, the firelight illuminating his all to familiar eyes. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, he squeezed back, Avery was my strength and I was his.

He closed his eyes, a tear running down the length of his cheek, "Voldermort wants our father, dead."

The air rushed out of my lungs and a strangled gasp slipped through my lips. Those five words rushed through my ears but the only word I heard was, dead, someone wanted our father dead; the most evil person of all time wanted my father dead. But why? My father was nothing more then a muggle man, no magic or money to call his own, only two inexperienced magical children who could barely cast a simple spell, why would he want him dead, away from this world? I wasn't comprehending, it couldn't be possible.

"W-why?" I stuttered, the words dragging up my throat like razor blades. "Why?"

"It seems," Avery sighed, "that there has been things that father hasn't been telling us."

I raised a dark brow, "Can you just stop with all the dramatic pauses, can you please just tell me what's going on?"

"Well it has to do with your powers, yours and Lily's I mean.."

I shook my head, "I can barely hold a cup of water, I wouldn't categorize them as powers. But yes, what about them?"

"Well father shares them too," I went to stop him but he pushed on, "As does Uncle Thomas. That's where your powers stem from, two children in every generation of a family containing those powers will receive that power and pass them on, for our generation it's you and Lils. For dad's generation it was him and Uncle Tom. Do you understand? They never told us they too were like you and Lily because they thought the line would have ended with them because they never knew about the whole wizarding ordeal, they thought that the powers wouldn't mix right, out of chance, me, you, and Lily got the wizarding gene, you and lily also retained the water genes. I didn't and then Petunia, well she was left with nothing. And now I understand why she is so bitter." He laughed as we both rolled our matching, green eyes.

"So how long has the line gone back? Where did it start?" I was trying to sort all of this newly told information in my head.

"See we don't know, we suspect as the beginning of our family, whoever was the first Evans, would also be the patriarch of the water element in our family I suppose. And the line has obviously grown, two in every generation. And when you and Lily have children you will each be mother to a child holding the water gene. Do you understand this all Lor Bug?" My brother gripped my hand tighter, urging me to answer.

"Well yes, I understand, but what does this have to do with daddy? I mean, he doesn't practice the power, and no one knows Lily and I do." My stomach turned sour at the thought of Lily, her not knowing any of this, me and her not talking, nothing was right at the moment.

"Loren, there are only a handful of families that are still water elementals, ours being one, then there are others who claim other elements, but water is one of the most destructive, along with fire. Do you know what we could do with that, do you know who we could stop, or what he who must not be named could do with that? The problem is, daddy won't agree to anything evil you know that, so the only other way he who must not be named can get to us, is to kill dad." Avery ended, the last sentence ringing in the stressed silence.

"But why? What would that accomplish?!" My voice was moving to a hysterical pitch and I could feel my nails digging into my brother’s soft flesh.

"Because, it's said that when the living head of the family is killed, the rest of the powers go with him. Dad is the oldest living water elemental in our family being that Grandmum is dead"

"Wait, wait, wait! Grandmum, but how is she the water elemental, she isn't a maiden Evans." Confusion was sweeping me away and I wanted to go back to standing outside the door before anything had been known.

"No, her maiden name is Evans. In a water bearing family, you talk the last name of the family with the water genes, female or male, so Grandfather took Grandmum’s last name. But back to what I was saying, with father dead, you and Lily would lose your gene and you wouldn't be able to pass it on. So he who must not be named would still hold the advantage because we wouldn't hold the stronger power. Are you getting how crucial it is now that you listen to mum and dad and not use your power?!" The urgency in Avery's voice was brimming over.

"Yes I understand, I never use it anyway, I can't. But you must tell Lily, she can control it more and at the same time, can't control it. You must tell her Avery, she is in greater risk of being caught with it then I am." I pushed his hand away and pointed to the door. "Now! Please."

"I will Loren, just know, we are doing our best to protect daddy, but do not put anything I have told you in a letter, do not speak of it with anyone you wouldn't trust with your life. Literally Loren." Avery stood and left the room, leaving me to break down in privacy.

A/N- Okay, so this is probably my shortest chapter, but it tells a lot, so for me it doubles as important and a filler. Get it? Yeah, neither do I. So it's summer and I'm going to write my arse off, promise. Hopefully everyone likes this, I actually do and I love the song I paired with it. 
One last thing, PLEASE REVIEW. I'm getting less and less reviews and it's certainly discouraging. ): 


Chapter 21: My Constant
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'Cause I’m head over heels for you
and all of the things you do
the heavens and earth have moved
I'm falling, head over heels for you

Head over Heels- Rascal Flatts

I exhaled, scrubbing my hands over my tear stained face, I didn't think it was possible for me to cry anymore. If I kept going like this, I was sure to dry up and crumble. I produced a watery smile at the thought and gulped down the cool air in the room of requirement. I glanced around the room, watching the now dying fire give its last crackle of life before turning into glowing embers.

I pushed myself up off the couch and straightened my wrinkled clothes; maybe it was just the right moment to spend some time with my seemingly abandoned boyfriend. If anything he could make me feel better by just holding my hand, I needed that feeling today. I needed something, anything, just to feel normal. Even if somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't true.

I scrambled up out of the room and ran down the 7th floor corridor, looking down the adjoining passages for Sebastian. I stumbled down the stairs and ran past James, barely slowing when asking him if he knew where Sebastian was. He shrugged his shoulders but laughed as I ran uncoordinatedly past him. I slowed to a quick skip as I entered a hall flooded with students; I weaved around people, earning glares and rude remarks as I accidentally bumped into shoulders. "Sorry!" I screamed, never actually meaning it.

I stopped for a second to look out of a window, searching across the grounds for my dirty blonde boyfriend. Hearing a sullen moan behind me, I turned and found site of the Ravenclaw ghost, gliding morosely away from me. "Grey Lady, wait a second." I demanded lightly and quickly caught up to her, "Excuse me, Grey lady?" I asked, trying to be more polite, she just pushed on, ignoring my presence.

"Lady, where's Sebastian?" I kept up with her ghostly stride without a problem. The Grey Lady wrinkled her nose in disgust and turned towards the Great Hall, trying to evade both me and my question. I wasn't having that, "Excuse me," I pressed, with a hint of impatience to my voice this time, "where is my boyfriend?"

The ghostly lady never broke her smooth path but I smirked as she looked at me from the corner of her transparent eyes before quickly looked away, as if I wasn't there. I sighed and stepped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks just before she had put her foot throw my own. She narrowed her eyes in anger and poked her pearly white finger at me, "Check the Ravenclaw Dormitories, you insolent little girl. God knows you aren't in my house, if that were so, you wouldn't need help." She stepped around me and gave me a curt nod and strode away, nose in the air.

"Well, that may be so. But no Ravenclaw could ever out smart Sir Nicholas like I have you!" I smirked at her outraged face before turning towards the Ravenclaw towers.


As I made my way up the west towers I wondered how I was to get into the actual dormitories, I was still wondering when I stopped short at of statue of Rowena Ravenclaw, tilted my head in confusion as she came to life, "Why, you aren't in Ravenclaw." She stated, astounded as she took in my scarlet and gold tie and scarf. I pulled at the lose thread on my scarf and looked up, "Well, no I'm not, but I need to talk to my boyfriend, it's important."

One of the founders of Hogwarts looked me up and down and then sighed, "Well I guess you're fine, if you weren't meant to get in here, you won't." I nodded and blinked, what did she mean?

"Answer the riddle please Miss-?" Rowena stopped and looked at me pointedly.

"Oh, Evans! Loren Evans, I'm Sebastian Parker's girlfriend." I blushed, feeling like a child in front of the old statue.

"Hmm, indeed. Now Miss Evans, please answer the riddle; what comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?" She stared down at me expectantly.

Rowena opened her eyes, raising her eyebrows, watching me finally catch on the riddle; she smiled as my eyes lit up, "M!" I screamed at her, "The letter 'M' comes once in minute, twice in moment but never does it come in a thousand years!" I covered my mouth with my hands, sorry for being so loud.

She winked at me before the door swung open, giving me entrance,

I dodged past the group of girls coming out, earning odd glances and marched into the common room, chest puffed out and proud, on the inside I was nervous. I'm guessing a Gryffindor girl in Ravenclaw towers didn't happen much. I stopped in the middle of the blue clad room and looked side to side, which set of stairs... Left or right? I went with my gut and charged up the stairs on the left side of the room, just like the Gryffindor rooms. As I went up the stairs, towards the door I knew would lead to the 6th years, I held my breath, please, I thought, please be the boy’s room.

I bounded towards the door and knocked and then flung it open, meeting the shocked eyes of Sebastian scrambling for his History book he dropped. "Loren?" He stated with an air of confusion.

"Hi!" I squealed before I trampled my boyfriend, my lips molding to his, planting hard, deep kisses on his mouth. He dropped the recently saved book and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me over his trunk and onto his bed with him; I laughed and kissed his cheek.

"Did you know that there is one 'M" in minute, two in moment and exactly zero in a thousand years?" I sat back, blocking his roaming hands.

"Yes, I did know that Loren, love. How long did it take you to solve the riddle?" His lips were swollen and a dark pink in the noon sun that was pouring through his window.

I blushed profusely, looking down, "Ten minutes..." I said, letting my words trail away.

He laughed and pulled my chin up with his fingers, sparkles in his beautiful eyes. "Well, we can't all be Ravenclaws, now can we?"

I raised my brow and stuck my tongue out at him before jumping off the end of his bed, "If you are going to be cocky, then I can just leave?" I pointed towards the door and put on an innocent smile, he scowled before running towards me, pulling me down to the floor with him, cradling me in has arms, I kicked at him and laughed before trying to crawl away, "You will never take me alive" I screamed and groped for the door handle before Sebastian pulled me by my legs and sat on top of me, straddling my hips. I batted at him playfully before flinging my arms down, closing my eyes and letting my tongue loll out of my mouth, "I'm dead." I said in a "by the way" tone.

He leaned down and kissed my open mouth, chuckling when I kissed back in earnest, "Are you alive now, Princess Loren." I nodded and pulled his face down and kissed him, closing the gap between us, my hands resting on chest as his were on my neck. My hands pulled at his shirt and found his warm stomach under the fabric, my brain buzzed, I needed to touch him, any part of him, I needed to know he was there. He smiled and kissed my neck lightly before the door flung open.

"Sebastian I really need to talk to you, its importan- oh Loren." I leaned my head back to stare at the long, slender legs of Sebastian's friend, Carly. I smiled up at her, my manners taking over, realizing she had called me Loren and not some other random name, it was a first.

Sebastian rolled off of me and pulled me up by both of my hands, all the blood rushed back to the bottom part of my body and I felt dizzy from rising so fast. "Hullo" I muttered, wondering how often the fellow Gryffindor came up here, Sebastian's room. My thoughts were interrupted my Carly's high voice.


"Never mind, it isn't that important, I can always talk to you later, I see you're busy right now." She turned and shut the door, her footsteps echoing down the stairs.

I wrung my hands and bit my lip, thinking over the riddle in my head. I was screwed; there was no way I was ever going to find Sebastian at this rate. "What comes once in a minute..?" A ton of things come once in a minute, I thought to myself. "Twice in a moment..." and again the same thought crossed my mind, many things. But what did the two have in common, there were so many possibilities, I looked up at Rowena and scowled in anger at the statue feigning sleep. "Can I please have the last hint to the riddle?" I raised my voice and internally laughed as the statue gasped in shock at my boisterous voice. 

"Naturally, I'll repeat the whole riddle, "What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in thousand years?" As the last words left her lips she again closed her eyes, letting out a small, shuddering snore. 

I rolled my eyes and went back to a half attempt at solving the riddle, "but never in a thousand years..." I sighed; knowing more than ten minutes had passed. I pulled out my wand, writing blazing words into the air. I wrote down the riddle in my messy scrawl, pocketing my wand as I watched the words burn themselves into the air as if on an invisible canvas. I traced my fingers over the glowing words, never actually touching them though, my finger lingering over the beginning of the word "moment", "Twice in a moment," I said, "once in a minute but never.."
I looked over at Sebastian with a questioning stare; he just shrugged and picked me up, throwing me on the bed. He made a soft growling noise in the back of his throat before launching himself on top of me and ticking me furiously, tears pooled in my eyes and I let out of screech of laughter, thrashing around under his weight.


I stirred, opening my eyes slowly, trying to block out the late afternoon sun, I blinked a few times and glanced down to see Sebastian's hands laying lightly on my stomach his head rested on my chest, his body at an awkward angle. We fell asleep while he was tickling me; I giggled and pulled myself up gently trying not to wake my boyfriend. He mumbled in his sleep and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him again, I sighed happily and brushed his hair away from his eyes, "Sebastian," I whispered, "wake up babe." I leaned down kissing his eyes and nose, watching him stir as I had earlier and his eyes opened groggily a smile on his lips.

"I could get used to waking up to that." He said his voice deep and husky from sleep. I nodded and kissed his lips for a long time before pulling away and standing up, "Come on, we have to get some food in us." As if waiting for its cue my stomach growled audibly and I covered the offender with both of my hands. Sebastian smiled and laced his fingers with mine, pulling me down to the great hall.

As the large doors came in to view, Sebastian turned towards me and took both of my hands between his, "Wait, I want you to do something for me." He pushed me over to the wall, "Go down to the lake and wait for me there, promise I'll be down there in five minutes." I just stared at him before nodding and turning to walk away, "Wait," he motioned for me to stay still with one finger before he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to my temple, "okay, go ahead, I'll be there soon."

I walked lightly out on to the grounds, the bright gold and red sun breaking through the cold from the winter. I pulled my cloak around me tighter and adjusted my scarf; I let out a chilly sigh and watched my moist, warm breath come out in a little cloud.

I scrambled down the icy steps, clinging to the banister as not to fall, I looked around, wondering if anyone was as ambitious as Sebastian and was outside. I trudged over to the lake, which was now just a layer of thin ice, too fragile to step on, but thick enough to leave a reflection of the castle on its black surface. Pulling out my wand, I dried a spot big enough for Sebastian and I to sit on, rivulets of melted snow pooled at my feet.

Behind me a twig snapped and I whipped around, squinting my eyes away from the glare of the snow, Sebastian came into view, carrying a basket and two blankets in his arms. I smiled to myself; the idea of a picnic with my boyfriend spread warmth throughout my stomach.

"Hungry?" Sebastian asked, spreading out the first, thick blanket.

I gasped playfully before shaking my head, "No, Mister, my mum always told me never to take things from strangers!" I pushed away from the blanket.

"But would that rule still apply if said stranger had Hot Chocolate?" He waved a mug in front of my face and the smell of warm honey dukes bars met my cold nose.

I bit my lip, and tapped my chin in thought, "Well I suppose you can't be a bad person if you're offering Hot Cocoa, I grabbed for the mug and pulled Sebastian to me at the same time, taking a deep drink from the warm mug, the sweetness flowed through me, flushing my cheeks. I smiled and let him take a sip from the mug, still in my hands. I leaned over and kissed him, his lips tasting of chocolate and warmth.

"So, I'll ask once again. Hungry?" He pushed the basket towards me and motioned for me to open it. I lifted a finger and flipped the top open, hunched over to look into the contents of the basket. The smell of hot French onion soup hit me and my mouth salivated. Warm bread sat next to the bowls, wrapped in a cloth and I eagerly nodded at Sebastian.

"Starved" I replied, winking at him.

He poured me some soup and ripped a piece of bread from the loaf and handed it to me, the bowl radiating heat. I sipped at it, scarfing down the bread to put out the fire the soup left in my throat. I watched my boyfriend, sitting across from me, his silhouette casting a shadow in the snow, his cheeks rosy from the cold and his eyes an icy green.

Butterflies exploded in my tummy like a cage had been opened and I bit my lip to keep the grin from spreading over my face and up to my eyes. I could have never imagined when I first met Sebastian how much I would love him now; he was my support and my strength. He held me when I needed him and wiped away my tears whenever I cried. Scared away the bad things and kept the good in my heart all the time. He never let me give up hope and he was always waiting to hold my hand and pull me through when I wanted to give up. His hand fit perfectly in mine and my head fit perfectly into the crook of his neck. I could recognize his laugh from miles away because it always brought me back to him, like beautiful music.

He was mine and I was his, he held my heart like no other and I trusted him with it, like he trusted me with his heart.

As I pushed away the empty bowls and basket, Sebastian opened his arms to me without even looking back to know I was searching for my home within him. He wrapped his strong arms around me, his hands finding mine and his chin resting on my shoulder, blowing a strand of hair into the winter air and then setting it back in its spot behind my ear. I turned my head, my lips crashing down onto his, a warm haze filling me. 

And as the early December sunset slowly faded below the horizon, I realized Sebastian was my constant. My constant love and my constant happiness and that wasn't changing anytime soon.

A/N- Long time no see folks, and I'm awfully sorry about that. Home life has been so crazy and it's ridiculous. Though, I won't bore you with my problems. lol. Well, I've actually been writing a lot lately and I'm really liking the future chapters. I believe this story is half way through. Now as for this chapter. I actually love it, it's a filler yes, but I love Seb and Loren and I think it's one of my better chappies.

So review in the little box down yonder (;

Chapter 22: Beautiful
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"You say that we're all tied up 

And wrapped around in useless states of mind

But at the same time we're still young

We have the time to realize that we were wrong"


Beauty in the Breakdown- The Scene Aesthetic


General POV


Lily stared at Avery incredulously. For the past fifteen minutes, she had been slowly shaking her head, back and forth, back and forth, her wide emerald eyes even larger than usual. Lily wondered how there was so much she didn’t know about her family, how could there be so much her uncle Lionel and specifically- her own father hadn’t thought to tell her.

“Lils, are you okay? I know this is a lot but it’s all going to be fine. You just need to be careful with your powers.” Avery rubbed his cousin’s shoulder and stood from one of the overstuffed armchairs in the Gryffindor common room. Lily still hadn’t said anything and Avery worried that she was going into a state of shock. “Lily..?”



Blinking rapidly, Lily stood fast, startling Avery. “You have to tell your sister. You must!” She pushed Avery towards the portrait hole, her eyes pleading with his.



“I have already but it wouldn’t hurt for you to talk with her about it as well, I know she is scared to death of what I’ve told her and I’m sure you are as well.” Avery grabbed his school bag and turned to leave.



“I can’t, Avery. It isn’t that easy right now.”



“Yeah, I’ve heard about all that has happened in the few months I have been gone… You can’t, Lily? Or do you mean you won’t? There’s a difference and you need to figure out which it is. You need to make up with Loren and stop being so hotheaded. I understand your anger with her because the choices she has been making hold a lot to be questioned but they are her choices and all you can do is stand by her right now.” Avery replied.



Lily held herself to her full height, she hated being told wait to do, “Avery, I can’t be a part of what she is doing to herself. She is being so-“ 



“Shut up. If you hadn’t figured out, with everything that is happening in the world… with what I just told you is going on in our own life, in our own family, do you think any of that truly matters? So make up with her, Lily, sooner rather than later because with the way times are now, none of us may get a ‘later’” Avery didn’t wait for a reply, he simply turned and left the stunned redhead in his wake.



A part of Lily was outraged that her younger cousin have so easily just put her in her place but what the young girl didn’t know was that maybe, just maybe, that is exactly what she needed. Times were dark and unfortunately her future wasn’t guaranteed.






James and Loren walked along the Black Lake; the lake was now a thick layer of ice, solid except for right in the center where the giant squid had pushed his tentacles through. Loren had spent the afternoon explaining to James what she was. She explained her newly discovered family history and her fears of what she knew. “James, I don’t know what to do. What if the You-Know-Who finds my father? It isn’t the end of my powers that I fear for, it’s his life.”



Loren wrung her gloved hands and bit her lip, beside Ava, James was the first person she ever told but she felt safe in her decision. She trusted James Potter with her life and knew deep in her heart that he would hold that secret to his dying day and protect her even to then as well. Loren couldn’t believe how easily James had taken it; he let her talk from start to finish and hadn’t interrupted. Of course, Loren hadn’t pointed out that her uncle or Lily shared the powers as well and skipped over the part where two family members received the gene in a generation. No matter how angry at Lily she was, it was her secret to tell as well and when she was ready, she could tell James, until then Loren just had to leave a few things out.

James truly did take it very well but truth be told, he didn’t quite understand what exactly her power was, he got the idea of it but it was all so much information that he just couldn’t completely wrap his head around it. He wrapped his arm around Loren’s shoulders as they walked; he was so honored to be the only person she had told outside of Lily and Ava. He looked over at her silhouette as they walked and remembered how in his first year, during winter break at his parent’s annual Christmas ball, he had asked if they could adopt Loren. He always wanted a little sister, Loren was perfect. His parents of course said no, Loren had parents that loved her but they still treated Loren as if she were their own. Loren had spent so many breaks with them, it was more unusual when her presence wasn’t in the house. James laughed inwardly at the nickname he himself gave her and his parents had picked up: baby sister.

“You know, it is going to be okay, Lor. Your father is a smart man and he knows when he should go into hiding and when it’s safe to stick it out. I know you’re scared, I know but I promise everything will be okay and thank you. Thank you for sharing your secret with me, baby sister.” James smiled down at Loren and pulled her closer as they walked.



Loren smiled, remembering what James had moments before, he could always cheer her up. There was just something about him that made her feel safe and she had relied on that feeling since first year. James was the first friend she made that she hadn’t known before she had been accepted to Hogwarts. “Of course I was going to tell you, silly. It was just a matter of when and I do apologize, I never meant to tell you so late. It was just something that was always in the back of my mind. I know it’s a lot to take it, but believe me, I am not that good at it.”




“Lor, forgive me being a dunderhead but I am not exactly sure what it is you can do. You can manipulate water but how exactly does that work?” James blushed, he hated not being able to figure out the obvious but Loren just shook her head. She didn’t think him any less intelligent for not understanding because if someone had said the same to her without her being in the same situation, she would have gotten lost at the very start.



She pulled James over to the edge of the lake where a small hole sat; they could see the water rushing underneath the hole. Looking around to check to see if anybody had braved the weather like her and James had done, she sat him down on an old log, plopping down next to him. “I never expected you to understand completely and seeing as nobody is outside beside ourselves, I’ll show you but remember, I am not good with it and I never really got the hang of controlling it.”



James stared at her, his attention completely focused, he mouth slightly open. Loren turned to double check the grounds and James handed her the Marauder’s Map from within his pocket, checking to make sure nobody was anywhere around, she was convinced. No matter how terrible she was at this, she wanted to show him, she wanted to share with him what terrified her most.



Concentrating on the small hole in the lake, Loren raised her hand, one finger pointing at the rushing water, her eyes fixated, never breaking their focus. Her jaw tightened and her body stiffened, trying to stay so still and concentrated was hard for Loren. A warmth spread throughout her body and she felt a tingling start in her arm, she truly did hate how much this took out of her. She let the tingling consume her and jerked her finger toward James.




One second James was completely focused and the next he was wiping water from his face. A lot more quick than he had been ready for a ball of water zoomed from the hole and shot towards him, the size of a golden snitch. In the sun it resembled a diamond. The water ball reflected every color around them and then without warning, ice cold water splashed James, dripping down his nose and cheeks.



James laughed, “That’s what this big, scary, You-Know-Who wants it so bad, power is?” James wiped at his face again.



Loren shrugged her shoulders, “Well think of it this way, James. Imagine what I could do if I controlled it like others have. If I could manipulate this whole lake, an ocean? If I could control storms, imagine the power I would have.” She let out a ragged sigh and fear engulfed her once more.



“Oh, Lor, cheer up ‘cause guess what? I have a power just like yours and it will, too, take you by complete surprise.” James had done it, he piqued Loren’s interest. “Now close your eyes.” Loren’s eyelids fluttered closed and James stood, leaning down and scraping together a ball of snow and then



SPLAT! Loren was hit in the face with a snowball. Before he could register what he did, Loren was tearing after James, gathering snow and flinging it at him, “JAMES POTTER, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” Their laughter could be heard all the way in the castle.







Sirius’ POV


“Hmm? Yeah, sure.” I muttered as I stifled a yawn. I wasn’t quite so sure what I was agreeing to but after spending the last few days with Tanya, it was becoming quite a difficult task to actually concentrate on what the girl had to say.

 “Siri, are you even listening to me?” She sounded agitated and I couldn’t blame her, I really wasn’t listening.




Tanya was a sweet girl but she was a bit needy and unless it involved some type of fashion or who was doing what within the school, she didn’t have much going for her intelligence wise. Not to mention, if she called me by that God forsaken name one more time, I may just have to completely change my name altogether. It seemed that every day that passed since the start of our relationship, I couldn’t help but find a new trait that I didn’t seem to like about her.



I sighed, running a hand through my hair, “I’m sorry, Tanya, what was it you were saying?” She smiled at the attention and her all too pink lipstick almost made me cringe.



“Well I was saying that I heard from someone that that Andromeda girl has been secretly seeing Ted Tonks. I can’t tell you where I heard it from but it has been such big talk amongst everyone. I am surprised that you hadn’t already known. I mean, a Slytherin with Hufflepuff? As if they aren’t already going to have the mickey taken out of them for that but that Ted is far too handsome to even look Andromeda’s way.” Tanya giggled and twirled a piece of hair around her finger.



This was getting monotonous. “Andromeda is my cousin, Tanya, my favorite cousin actually.” I couldn’t believe how thick this girl could be sometimes.



Tanya shrugged, patting down her skirt, “Well, still... Wouldn’t you agree she is much too plain for him? I really cannot see how she is related to you, you’re so handsome and she, well she just doesn’t seem to possess the same traits.”



“Hmm, mhm.” Well she couldn’t say I didn’t at least try to listen. Her voice slowly became background noise and I fell into my own mind. So much had gone on in the last few weeks, time was either going far too fast or moving painfully slow, right now it was the latter. Right now, I missed my friends.



Everything felt so out of place lately and the tension amongst everybody just was an added bonus. Truthfully I was avoiding the Marauders lately. With James came his pity and we can’t forget his lovely girlfriend. Oh, Lily was just a riot these days; miserable, whiney and a right screeching bitch whenever you brought up the events of the last few weeks. James was starting to become sick of her ever present hostility and I, I had tired of it days ago.




I let my head fall back onto the soft cushion of the chair and stretched my legs out. I looked at the clock and realized with dismay that Remus would be back from Prefect duties shortly and then I had to continue my avoidance of him as well. I will admit, Remus was easiest of Tanya, James and Lily to talk with but his consistent argument that I needed to grow up and go after what exactly I wanted was getting old and there is only so much ragging a person can take. Besides, lately he has been with Ava every waking second and don’t get me wrong, I love Ava but right now, she isn’t really on much of a speaking basis with me. I only wondered if she knew the details from a certain night in the hospital wing.



My heart sped up a bit and throbbed inside of my chest, I glanced over at Tanya who was still pouring over this week’s gossip, the eight long, pink gashes on her face were almost healed and I was almost positive that they would leave small, puckered scars upon her tanned skin. Tanya would look in the mirror each morning and be reminded to never again cross Loren.






How had everything gotten so muddled up? I barely recognized the girl with the marble colored eyes. I was so familiar with her but now, now was so different. Every single word that come from her mouth and every action was wrong, it wasn’t her. It was someone that I never met before and it certainly wasn’t my best friend. I looked again at Tanya’s face, smiling at her curtly and my heart again throbbed. I caused all of this, I confused her, I had hurt her and I had hurt myself, too.



The pain radiated through my body and it washed over me. I missed her so much, my need for her flowed under my skin, mingled with my blood. It was warm and deep within me. Every single breath I breathed in was another reminder that I had done the worst imaginable thing in walking away from that girl.




This was recurring for me. So many times a day I stumbled upon that moment. The words that broke my heart; my own words started the pain- “It was just a mistake Loren; forget about it, you know it meant nothing.” The lie had come so easily and even though I never meant it, I couldn’t bring myself to take it back, to tell her I was wrong. So at that moment, I had stood there aching to hold her to ease her pain and mine altogether but I had hurt her and in her anger she hurt me. The last words Loren had ever said to me only hurt more. The pain I had already caused myself that night were deepened, like salt being rubbed into a cut, it was almost unbearable. “You have hurt me enough, I don’t want to see you, hear you, think of you or ever talk to you again. Actually let’s just pretend that we never existed to one another!” Her words spilled into my memory and I felt sick.



I would have done anything for that girl, anything at all to see her not hurt but it seemed that I had been the one hurting her all along. I closed my eyes and pushed away the tears that always seemed to threaten to fall when I thought about her and gave up on the memory for the night.



Looking at Tanya, I realized why everything about her was so unappealing to me. She was a gorgeous girl, unbroken and young minded. She was friendly and thought the ground I walked on was what the world revolved around but she wasn’t Loren and no matter how many times I tried to deny it to even myself, I loved Loren. I loved every inch of her; her beauty, her spirit, her heart. Her brokenness. I loved her before that night and I love her now, even after I destroyed her. There was beauty in disaster and that was the thing, Loren would always be beautiful no matter what and I loved that beauty. I yearned for her beauty.





I shook myself from my thoughts and looked once more at Tanya; she stared at me, looking thoroughly peeved. The sun from late afternoon shone through the window and played over her face. Shades of reds, oranges and yellows fell across her face, the colors moved over her lips, so full and plum then to her nose which sat perfectly in the center of her face, not too small or too large. Still moving the colors slid over her cheeks, the scars which were so light before popped against Tanya’s skin and lastly her eyes. They were so light in the sunlight, almost a butterscotch color. Eyes that were different, eyes that were perfectly symmetrical, eyes that weren’t what I was looking for.




Tanya was gorgeous, so close to perfect but she wasn’t appealing to me; she wasn’t my kind of beautiful and she never would be.



I stood up, blocking the sun from her and instantly she was bathed in my shadows. I walked toward her, bringing my hand up and slowly stroked a scar with my finger. “Tanya?”



“Yes, Siri?” Her hand rose to lay over mine on her cheek and I gently pulled it away, her hand falling back into her lap, confusion contorted her face. She started to speak and I shook my head, her mouth stayed the way it was, forming around the words that would never come.




“We can’t be together anymore. It’s not what’s right, I’m sorry.” I turned and walked out of the portrait hole.



Author's Note- I haven't had a new chapter in so long for you guys and I was reminded of that earlier when I came on by a reviewer and it completely broke my heart. Originally, I had absolutely no intention of finished when I had stopped writing but now, I'm back and I'm ready to finish this out. If I have no readers left, well that is my own fault, if I do, thank you for being so loyal. - I'm done with excuses. Let's get this story back on track! 


Chapter 23: The Letter
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“It just takes some time. Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be alright.”
The Middle- Jimmy Eats World

The light of the new dawn sifted into the tower. It was queue to the nighttime birds that if they weren’t delivering mail, then they should be asleep. As most of the owls were tucking their heads under their wings to welcome sleep, a student walked into the tower. He carried a letter in his right hand and a look of terror on his handsome face. He raised his arm out and called out for no bird in particular. A larger-than-normal Barn Owl glided down from the rafters and settled on to his arm, sticking its leg out for the letter.

After double checking that the letter was sealed and tightly tied to the owl, he walked to the balcony and shooed the owl off to deliver the most important letter he would ever write. Wringing his hands, he could feel himself shaking lightly and a sob had gotten caught right at the back of his throat. “Please”, he prayed silently.

He scuffled through the feathers, dead mice and bird droppings onto the staircase that led to the rest of the castle. Leaning against the rail, he sank to his knees on the first stair. He couldn’t carry the weight anymore; he couldn’t carry the terror or the regret. The sob broke free from his throat and racked his whole body, one after another. The tears poured from his eyes and his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. He could not remember the last time he cried so hard? Surely it had been years. On his knees, only so many feet away from the early risers of the castle, he cried. He cried for everything that he could not control and for everything bad he had down in the last few months. In that staircase, leading up to the owlery, he let himself be as vulnerable as possible.


Minutes later, the owl pushed through the winter wind. The docile creature was so innocent and so unaware that the fate of not one but two people was scrawled into that letter attached to its leg. Each word was so carefully picked and even more carefully scratched onto the parchment. The letter was a plea.

Please, I don’t think that I can do this anymore. This is not what I want anymore; this is the last thing that I want actually. I understand that you were counting on me but there must be something that you can do. There must be anything you can do! I am so sorry, Father, but I am not strong enough do this. Actually I don’t think that I am evil enough to do this. I just wanted to please you and I truly thought that this was the way to do it but it isn’t. I can’t force myself to do this and unless there is anything you can do, I am afraid that it is too late. It is too late for me and for her, maybe even for you. I have given it my best try but I can’t force myself to do this. I can’t even say the words in my head, let alone commit them. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Please, Father, get me out of this. Please do whatever you can to keep yourself safe and I will do all I can to not be found out here. Again, I am so sorry that I disappointed you.



Loren let out a sigh, she truly hated packing. She also hated that she couldn’t for the life of her master any type of spells that would help her with common household chores. How could her brother and cousin get down the hardest of charms in only a few tries, yet it took her half of the school year to even memorize the correct wording to transforming a matchbook. She sighed once more, she was if nothing else, pathetic.

Two days and she would be on a train home, it was almost the start to Christmas Break. In two and a half days, she would be making herself comfortable in one of the guest rooms at the Potter’s, seeing as her father and mother had gone into hiding for the time being- the same with Lily’s parents. In four days, she would be getting ready for the Potter’s annual Christmas Eve ball. In five days, she would be celebrating Christmas Day without her parents, for the first time in her life. In the eleven days until the 31st of December, Loren would be helping James and the rest of her maybe friends prepare for their first New Year’s Eve Party that did not consist of a chaperone and it was a mere fourteen days that Loren would be stuck in the same house, possibly the same guest room, as her dear cousin. Loren was dreading her break and she made that apparent to anybody that made the unfortunate decision to ask.

Loren had a strong feeling that she had upset James unintentionally. She didn’t mean to seem so sour on the subject of break but she was already disappointed with the time off of school and it hadn’t even happened yet. She had attempted to reassure James that she was just missing her parents and upset that she wouldn’t be seeing them this Christmas; it honestly had nothing to do with being thrust into a New Year’s Eve party with Lily and Sirius.
Cringing at the thought, she swept a few pairs of jeans from her wardrobe and stuffed them into her trunk, whatever she didn’t need remained in its home in the wardrobe and one outfit was left out for the day before they left. The students had a trip to Hogsmeade planned and Loren really couldn’t skip that outing, she still hadn’t gotten anything to wear for the Christmas ball of the New Year’s party and while she was sure she could figure something out for New Year’s if it was needed, the Potter’s ball was the same every year, extremely formal and normally, the only time Loren would squeeze herself into something that was sure to take away her breath if she even dared to sit down. Every year her mother had picked out what she called a “suitable” dress for such a “young woman”, so Loren thought it was safe to say that the only plus to not having her parents around this year, would be her chance at choosing her own dress. The thought left a bubble of almost excitement in her stomach.

Pushing her trunk over to the end of the bed, she flopped on her pile of unfolded clothes and rubbed her tired eyes. Most would be going to dinner right now but Loren was using this time to take advantage of the abandoned room. Thinking that the hardest part to not speaking to her cousin would be classes was almost ignorant of Loren; it was much harder to share a room with someone who was adamant on showing Loren how stupid her choices were. Sure, she missed out on a hot meal and the chance at seeing Sirius but… Loren started, her eyes opening wide. Had she really thought that? Had her mind really wandered there? Before she could think about it anymore, Loren heard her name floating up the staircase and into her open dormitory door.

“Lor!” James Potter started up the stairs, forgetting that without any Marauder tricks the staircase would shoot him down just as fast as he his feet found the top stair. “Loren! Come here, I have the best idea! Bugger, damn stairs.” James let annoyance color his words for a split second before standing to right himself.

Without as much as blinking, Loren was off of the bed and into the corridor outside of the girls’ dormitory , she settled herself onto the angled steps and slid down with almost as much grace as James had mustered falling backwards. “What’s up, James?” Loren threw out her hands for James to help her up.

James pulled her to her feet and steered her into the couch facing the fire. The common room was, like the dormitory, abandoned. Everybody was down in the Great Hall, filling their bellies with a feast fit for a king. Loren was almost jealous but the realization that she could either be here, or down there with her cousin reminded her that she didn’t mind being upstairs. A cold meal was better than a hotheaded Lily. James stole back Loren’s concentration, “Well I was thinking about the party on New Year’s Eve.”
Loren almost rolled her eyes; she had caught herself with only a second to spare. She should have known that this is what James wanted to talk about. What else had he spoken to her about in the last week? Loren really didn’t want to upset James again and maybe it was time to put on her big girl knickers and stop upsetting everybody around her just because she wasn’t happy.

“Hmm”, Loren nodded, “and what exactly where you thinking? Please tell me nothing outrageous. I don’t think that I could talk you out of anymore wild Hippogriff riding…” This time Loren didn’t even attempt to hide her eye roll.

James sniggered and matched her expression. “No, Loren”, he drew out her name and paused. “Nothing like that, I was thinking more along the lines of a masquerade party. Masks and all!” His face lit up and Loren knew that he was proud of his idea. Hell, even she thought it was pretty clever. “And if I say that it is a pretty great idea?”

“Well then you are admitting that I have a brilliant mind and that you are all onboard and going to help me spread the word?” James smiled at her, he could master such a cheeky grin, and it almost shocked her to realize just how handsome her friend was. Although she might not show it all of the time, James was one of Loren’s favorite people. He was funny and carefree and even though he lacked common sense, he was smarter than most. He was a great friend and Loren knew that she had picked the right person to confide her secrets in. “James, how is Sirius?” Loren blurted it out even before her mind could pick up the words she was saying. A deep blush crawled up to her cheeks and she looked away, she almost wished she would take back the words but there was nothing she could do now.

James had a feeling that Loren had wanted to ask but he didn’t actually think she would. He knew that not being able to talk to Sirius was killing her and the same went for Sirius. He was going crazy and it didn’t take a best friend to know that. It just took some presence of a brain. What could James say, though? Should he be truthful? Sirius was doing awful. He kept to himself and he seemed less than excited about the holiday parties, which was very un-Sirius-like. He was letting his heart break and he wasn’t letting James in on anything. His very best friend was miserable and it was Loren’s fault, though if she knew what she was doing, James knew she would stop whatever it was that was hurting Sirius so badly. That, though, that was not something that James could share with Loren. So instead, he said the first words that came to mind. “Well, he broke up with Tanya.” And just as Loren had wished her words hadn’t been uttered, James wished the same. He knew it was a thick move, so instead he attempted to cover his words up, “I’m thinking that he was getting sick of looking at the scars that somebody left on her face.”
“Alright” James thought, “maybe that was worse.” He was sucesfully digging himself a deeper and deeper hole every single time he opened his mouth and he wondered if maybe he should just jump in and bury himself alive before his words got even more out of hand.

Sighing, Loren stood up, “Oh...” were the only words she could muster. Collecting herself and her thoughts, she turned and walked out of the common room. She would rather face dinner than a conversation that she had unfortunately started.


These meetings in dark corridors were getting to be too much for Sebastian. He hated slinking around with all of the Slytherins and Carly. Why was he doing this? Of course he knew the answer… His father. His father was why he was doing all of this but he was going to put a stop to it, if he could. Nothing was in his hands anymore and the choices that he thought he had, he no longer had control over.

A shadow filled the only light in the small corridor they were all squeezed into and Sebastian was the only one who held in a sigh of terror. Were they going to be caught? He almost wished they would be, maybe then he could find his out.

Lucius Malfoy slide into the only remaining spot big enough for a human and muttered a spell, probably working the silence around then to guarantee nobody overheard them. “So” he crowned, “How is everything going?” It made Sebastian sick at the nonchalance in his words. How could he be so cool about something so wrong?

“Well, I think it is safe to say that convincing my brother that rekindling our brotherhood is none too easy. If he wasn’t such a prat then this would all be easier but whatever The Dark Lord wants, He’ll get. So if its Sirius that He so desires, then I’ll make sure He gets just that.” Regulus Black slid his hands over his face and smiled, his teeth glinting in the dark. Sebastian’s stomach churned. He could tell by Regulus’s words that he would make sure that he handed Sirius over to Voldemort, even if it was putting him right at Death’s door.

“I’m sure Black will come around, Regulus. He has no family to turn to; he will eventually convince himself that if you’re his only tie to his family, then he will have to take what he can get.” Bellatrix’s high octave voice cut the silence. She, too, would throw her family into the fire if it meant pleasing her Lord. “This I know, Bella. Why do you think I took on the job? Although it’s easier said than done, I doubt it’s impossible.” Regulus spit back.

Again the silence bloomed in the darkness and the taste of bile in the back of Sebastian’s throat rose. He swallowed, trying to keep his dinner down. His skin crawled and beads of sweat broke out on his skin. It was freezing down in the dungeons; heat was not the cause of Sebastian’s sweat. He knew that the conversation would turn to him shortly but what he didn’t know was what he was planning to say. There was nothing he could say honestly that would please his fellow students and lying was a gamble. Would they be able to see right through him?

Sebastian knew that it was too late to back out. He knew that he was being counted on by a handful but the only important person counting on him was his father but that same person was the one person who was holding him to this job the hardest. His father had volunteered him without a second thought. Sebastian knew that his letter would probably make no difference but there was nothing else that could be done. He had to try, he had to fight. He would rather go down fighting than on his knees. Sebastian knew in his head it sounded noble but that was the last thing his actions were. To himself and anybody else, he would look like a coward and truth be told, he would take that title almost willingly. He was a coward, the biggest coward he had ever known.

He was a coward the second he said yes to this “job” and even more of a coward the first time he stepped into the dark of the corridors with this clan. He wasn’t noble and he wasn’t brave. He was weak and scared. He was pathetic.

“Sebastian?” Carly squeezed his elbow, pulling him back to reality. “Sebastian, Lucius is talking to you.” Her bubblegum pink nails dug into his skin and left crescent moon shapes in his lightly tan skin. It made the bile rise a little higher. It was choking him; it was leaving his words pressed too far down in his throat. “Sebastian?” she hissed. She had barely any patience for him.

“Sorry, lost in my thought.” Cowardly excuse, perfect for him.

“As I was saying” Lucius pressed, “How is everything going with Evans? It’s apparent to the whole school that she is alienated from her cousin and Black. Her two strongest protectors can barely stand her presence… good work.” Arrogance licked each word he spoke.
“Yes, good work, indeed. What does she have left? Potter who is too busy playing referee between her and her cousin and a werewolf who is smitten with that moronic Ava girl. Oh and let’s not forget her pitiful father who has gone into hiding. It was almost too easy, Sebastian.” Bellatrix sneered.

Their words rang in Sebastian’s head, “good work”.

“Right you are, Bellatrix. It was like bringing the pig to slaughter. Sirius can barely look at her and her own cousin is too busy calling her a slag to see what’s going on right in front of her upturned nose. I think the only real obstacle now is her brother. I think he knows more than he is letting on, even to Loren.” Sebastian’s words sounded foreign in his ears. He sounded like them and it took so much out of him to even pretend to be the people they were. It took every bit of him to keep the charade going and even then, what if he couldn’t back out now?

Carly interrupted his thoughts and laughed, not her usual girly giggle. “Oh, don’t worry, ‘Bastian. I can take care of her brother no problem. If he is anything like the rest, then it could be… almost fun.” A sinister smile played across her mouth and she winked at Sebastian.

“Carly, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not with the-“she cut across Sebastian before he could finish his sentence. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, Sebastian. Don’t you worry about me, the only thing you should be concentrated on is the girl.”

“Yes, Sebastian. Just worry about Evans. I’ve gotten word that the Dark Lord no longer wants to wait; the end of the school year isn’t an option. This needs to get done soon. After Christmas break may be the perfect time. She’ll have just come back from a holiday without her family and she’ll need somebody to lean on.” Lucius’s words hung in the air.

Sebastian cringed but in the dark, nobody could tell. After Christmas break? Time was running out for Loren… time was running out for him.

“I don’t matter.” He thought. “I did this and I have two choices, I either finish what I started or I fight like hell to clean the mess I made…” And in that little corridor, deep in the dungeons of Hogwarts’s, Sebastian made up his mind. He knew what he had to do.
“After Christmas break then. I will make sure to end it.” The words formed and slipped into the damp air.

Carly and the Slytherins cheered him on. Slapping his back and cackling at the conviction in his words.

All except Lucius Malfoy who was not as convinced.

Hey all! No excuses this time beside my being horrible! What I realized, though, is that my writing has matured way too much and I had too many ideas for this story to just abandon it. So here I am and I truly hope that you enjoy this chapter! Thanks to anybody who stuck around through me being such a sucky author!

Chapter 24: Charmed
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“I know I don't know you but I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret but can they keep it?
Oh No they can't”

Secret- Maroon 5


“I’m saying floating bunches of mistletoe! Ya know, over everybody!”

“So you want a party where everybody is snogging one another?”


“Your parents will be there!”

“Hippogriff shit, didn’t think of that…”


Loren watched the conversation between the two boys. It was like a match of quidditch; she wasn’t entirely sure where it was going but it was interesting to spectate. She was sitting in the Great Hall with Remus and James, eating breakfast before their last trip to Hogsmeade before their Christmas break. Loren watched quietly as James discussed something other than the New Year’s Eve party, albeit the topic was still on another holiday festivity, Loren wasn’t going to look a gift Hippogriff in the mouth. She was grateful for the break and even more grateful for Remus being on the receiving end of all of these ideas.

There was less than five days to go until the night of Christmas Eve and James’ mother had asked him to send her a list of ideas the first week in November. Needless to say, he had just started on the list and wasn’t making much, if any, leeway.

“Is there a color theme this year, James?” Loren was wondering what she would wear this year. As she got older, the dresses she wore just became more elegant and sophisticated.

“Gold and silver, Lor, but mum and dad said that’s just for the ballroom not for the guests attire. What color you wear is free game this year. I’m thinking of wearing yellow dress robes.” James gave a grin and wrote down some more decorative ideas.

“I’m sure your mum will adore that idea, James. Remember the year the guys were to wear midnight blue and the girls were to wear purple and you wore the brightest purple you could find?” James nodded, grin still plastered to his face. “Do you remember the fit your mother threw?” James again nodded, his grin turning to a grimace.”

“So the yellow dress robes are out.” His voice trailed off as he scribbled out a line on his list.
Loren shook her head, such a funny character James was. She could picture him distinctly in canary yellow robes and the sure to be look on Mrs. Potter’s face; that would be a Christmas present in and of itself. Maybe Loren shouldn’t have even said anything. Shaking her head, Loren internally scolded her thoughts. She didn’t want to see a sulky James throughout break; he was one of her only saving graces, at this point.

“Maybe it would be best to stick to something a little more in the norm, Prongs. I know how out of the norm you are, but mate, think of it this way: the more well behaved you are, the more likely mum won’t freak when she realizes you are throwing a party just days later, without her approval and more specifically, without an adult in sight.” Like James, Remus and Sirius had become accustomed to referring to the raven haired boy’s mother as mum.

“Your mum doesn’t know that you’re having the New Year’s party?” Loren replied, looking down at the ball list. She was almost scandalized. Almost. She was used to not being shocked at James’ antics but this was a little steep. Mrs. Potter had been shooting down James’ requests for a no adult party since their fourth year. James was finally getting what he wanted and all he had to do was go around his mother.

James smirked and puffed his chest out, an air of arrogance flowing over his features, “No Loren, neither mum nor dad knows about the party and if you don’t mind, it will remain that way.” He smirked at Loren before jotting down some more ideas for his parent’s event.

Loren groaned and stretched her legs out underneath the table. She was now an accomplice to something more dangerous than coming face to face with a boggart, wandless. Sipping her tea and trying to unhear all of the boys’ plans, Loren scraped around her plate of food, smearing eggs into the syrup from her waffles. She was becoming positively overwhelmed with the plans for the day and not being able to find Sebastian was making it just that much worse.

Loren hadn’t seen her boyfriend the day before either, skipping at least his classes with Loren (if not all) and never showing to the Great Hall for meal times, she was, admittedly, a little putout. Although selfish as it was, she felt she was being ignored and that she was entitled to her boyfriend joining her for her shopping trip.

Occasionally Loren would become cross with herself because she knew, rather than worrying about herself, she should be worrying as to where Sebastian was and if anything was bothering him. She was being a horrible and thoughtless girlfriend and for some reason, that didn’t bother Loren as deeply as it should have.

Over the last few weeks, she could feel herself becoming impatient with Sebastian. Loren cringed whenever his hand grazed over her cheek or his lips found their normal spot on her forehead, she didn’t like the close proximity her boyfriend always had with her and she knew just how unusual that must seem to Sebastian. Loren knew it was nothing more than annoyance but she felt obligated to stay with him. She had ended too many friendships and shed far too many tears to turn her back on her decision to be with Sebastian. Loren knew it was unfair of her; it was even more selfish than she ever knew herself to be but she didn’t care to admit why her feelings had dissipated almost as quickly as they came. Truthfully, though, anybody in their right mind could tell where Loren’s mind wandered when she was keeping to herself. Everybody could tell, except Loren and the culprit of her meandering thoughts and that was the same story all over again.

Loren sighed, bringing her hands up to cover her face. Her birthday present from Ava and Lily jingling as it slid down her wrist. She fingered the little puzzle pieces that now were all connected in some way. She had laid in bed a few weeks ago and thought over the clever gift from her blonde friend and her cousin. As Lily had described, each puzzle piece had descriptions, three puzzle pieces in all.

Intelligent, determined, sensical, caring… Lily.

Peaceful, imaginative, delicate, graceful… Ava.

Dramatic, sensitive, protective, unbreakable… Loren.

It took Loren no time to figure out who each charm had represented, although she all but agreed with a few of her characteristics. Lily had said that once she figured it out, that if she were correct in her guessings that once each of the girls had put their charm on their matching bracelets, they would stay apart of their beings until their friendship ended. Loren hadn’t found it in herself to give the charms to Ava or her angry cousin but she was tired of seeing them dangle, delicately on her wrist each day.

Standing without warning, Loren dashed to her dormitory, peeking in to see if it was abandoned and as fate would have it, not a soul beside her own stood in the room. Unclasping Ava’s opal puzzle piece, she laid it on her friend’s nightstand, crossing the room; she laid the other opal charm on her cousin’s bed.

Without warning, the last charm clicked into place upon Loren’s wrist and glowed a brilliant white but for only a second. Loren didn’t have to check to know, she would be unable to remove the bracelet. She was still in this trio and she didn’t need to admit that to herself for the truth to be apparent. Although Loren would never know it, hours later, in her dormitory, both Ava and Lily would enter at separate times, spotting the charms. Without a second thought, they would both slip the charm onto a bracelet and watch in amazement as it locked into place and glowed, the same bright white as Loren’s.

Skipping back to the great hall, Loren slid her arms into her pea coat and wrapped a colorful scarf around her neck. She would be going dress shopping alone today and it hardly bothered her. ________________________________

Sebastian watched from an alley way as the dark brunette girl made her way from shop to shop. She looked determined about something or other and Sebastian noticed the way she held her head high. Loren was one of the strongest people Sebastian had ever known and he hated himself for all of the things that he was doing to her. He hated himself for everything.

Pulling parchment and a quill from his schoolbag, he leaned over a crate left next to the shop he was hiding by. Popping open the jar of ink, he dipped the quill in.

“You must be so excited for the Potter’s Christmas ball. But aren’t you missing your parents? They’re fools if they think they can hide from the Dark Lord. You’re a fool if you think that you’re safe. Enjoy your dress shopping.”

Sebastian folded the parchment and recapped his ink. He hated himself so much

Loren was in over her head. Correction- Loren was WAY in over her head. She stood in the entrance of “Lumos Maxima”, a larger than normal boutique designed in mind for those witches and wizards who are in need of clothing a little more… refined. Loren let her forehead fall into her palm; this was going to be a challenge in and of itself. What fashion did Loren have? She stared down her body to her jeans, pea coat and jumper. She could almost hear the laughs she was going to endure once she walked into that heavily decorated store.

Through the window of the boutique, Loren could see the racks and racks of long dresses, short dresses, dress robes and mounds of other formal clothing. She had already admitted to herself that she had no clue where to start. She wasn’t sure what size she even was anymore. Truthfully, this was one of things that Lily and Ava were good to have around for. They would have easily grabbed a few slinky but classy numbers and turned Loren into the direction of the dressing rooms and then that’d be that.

Backing away from the door, Loren was ready to retreat to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer and maybe even a shot of Firewhiskey, if she could manage it, because as quickly as her confidence had come to her, it had blown away and Loren was feeling already defeated and exhausted with the whole trip.

Turning on the spot and heading back into the light falling snow, Loren bumped shoulders with someone. “Oh! I’m so sorry!” Loren glanced back to see who it was that she almost plowed over.

“Loren! Are you okay? I wasn’t looking where I was going either! No harm done!” Alice McIntyre gave Loren a wide smile and readjusted her bag.

The only way that Loren could explain Alice McIntyre was pixie like. She was almost at least a few inches shorter than Loren’s mere 5” 1’ and weighing little more than 7 stone. Her dark hair was cut short and curled in at the ends. Alice had large, dark eyes and a wide, tooth filled smile. She was, like Loren, a 7th year but she was in Ravenclaw rather than Gryffindor. It had become more than rumor that she was catching the eye of Frank Longbottom.

“Alice! I’m sorry! I was making my way back to the Three Broomsticks and didn’t even realize that you were coming this way! I am so sorry!” Loren blew a strand of hair from her face and gnawed on her lip.

“Don’t worry about it! I seen you standing outside of the boutique and you looked pained. I wanted to make sure you were okay! I had started walking your way and must have looked down for just a second.” Alice tilted her head toward where she must have been standing and then glanced back at the boutique doors. “So are you okay?”

Alice looked genuinely concerned for Loren. “Oh I’m alright, Alice. I came here to look for some things but honestly, I have no clue where to start!” Loren threw her hands up I the air, showing her defeat.

“The Potter’s Ball and James’ New Year’s party?” Loren nodded and Alice smiled, grabbing the green eyed girls hand she pulled her back towards the clothing shop. “Come on, Loren. You obviously could use the help.” Laughing at the look of surprise on Loren’s face, Alice all but charged into the boutique, a chime signaling their entrance.

Although it wasn’t the company that Loren would normally have on a trip like this, she was more than thankful for Alice’s concern. Letting Alice steer here through the aisles and aisles of dresses and dress robes, Loren let her eyes wander over all of the fabrics and ruffles. Even with Alice’s help, would they really be able to create a miracle?

“So what are you looking for? Obviously something more formal for the ball! I already have my dress for that! I got it weeks ago when Frank invited me to be his date! I still need to get another dress for the New Year’s party but that shouldn’t be too difficult.” Alice chattered on happily. “First things first, what color dress do you want to wear?” Alice pulled Loren out of her reverie of thoughts and stared at her expectantly.

Loren dragged her hands over the garments in front of her and closed her eyes; she was trying to picture herself in something, trying to pull a color to mind. “White! I’m thinking white.”

Alice smiled and started handing Loren dress after dress, weighing her down with each dress stacked upon the other. “Alright, the dressing rooms are in back. Go try those on and I’ll find some more! I’ll be back there in a second to see how you are doing.” Alice gave Loren a light shove towards the rear of the store and went back to pulling white, flowing dresses from their homes.

Turning the lock on the door, Loren set the dresses on the seat that was placed next to the full length mirror. Slowly pulling each strip of fabric from her body, she stood in the cool draft in just her knickers. Sorting through each of the dresses, Loren decided which ones she would be more likely to wear and which she wouldn’t even attempt to try on.

Minutes passed and turned into hours and Loren was sure that her fingers were sure to bleed from the amount of zippers she had done and undone. She was tired and slowly watching her resolve melt and pool more and more into each of the rejected dresses. Loren also felt very horribly for Alice. The young girl was being so kind offering a hand of help to a much unmotivated Loren and each of her choices lay either on the dressing room floor or were handed back over the top of the door. Wondering how much longer it was going to take for Alice to throw up her white flag and run from the boutique, another slew of dresses were tossed over the door, another flurry of white and Loren was sure she might throw up her white flag before Alice at this point.

“There you are, Loren! I think the one in the middle is definitely going to please you!” The happiness in her voice had yet to falter and Loren silently thanked her gracious friend. Pulling a dress directly from the middle Loren slipped the dress over her head.

Standing in the mirror, Loren breathed in. Loren knew she had found it. This was the perfect dress- the only dress that Loren fit Loren so perfectly. Sliding her fingers over the chiffon of the dress, Loren smiled. “Alice, you are AMAZING!”

“I knew it! Come out! Come out, let me look you over!” Alice shrill voice would normally have annoyed Loren but the little clap she gave just lightened Loren’s heart. Unlocking the door and peeping her head out of the ajar door, Loren teased Alice. “Are you sure you want to see?”
Alice rolled her eyes and nodded enthusiastically.

Loren stepped out of the dressing room, carefully pulling up the hem of the dress as to not let it get dirty or snagged. Straightening herself in front of Alice, Loren looked up. A wide smiled had splayed itself over the Ravenclaw’s lips and her big eyes grew almost impossibly bigger. Alice sucked in a breath and threw her hands over her mouth which had now fallen open.

“Loren, you look beautiful!”

A blush colored Loren’s ivory cheeks and she glanced down at herself, taking in the full beauty of the dress and of herself, as well. “Are you sure, Alice? It isn’t too much?” Loren felt so beautiful but at the same time, her insecurities were brimming over.

“Oh no, Loren, no! You look amazing. Can I tell you a secret?” Alice sat down in a set of chairs, starting to pull the unwanted dresses back onto their hangers. When Loren nodded at Alice, Alice started searching for the correct words for what she had to say.

Loren waited, standing just outside of the little room that she had been in for the last few hours. Loren had no idea what the other girl was going to say and as the seconds ticked by, she was becoming more and more nervous. “Alice, please, just tell me. Whatever it is, I promise I won’t be upset by it!”

Alice shuffled her feet and bit down on her lip. Alice was not the kind of girl to gossip or to even pay any attention to the always going rumor mill at Hogwarts but some things were hard to ignore. She just didn’t want to offend her new forming close friend or to overstep any boundaries that may be between the two girls.

Deciding that it was better just to say what she had to say rather than slowly watch Loren become a bundle of nerves, Alice opened her mouth, “Sirius won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you!” Alice gently clapped a hand over her mouth as if the words had spilled out of their accord and in all actuality, they did. That was a sentence that was a bit to crass for Alice’s normal behavior.

Loren’s heart swelled and she could feel her blood warm in her veins. She knew it was only moments before a red tinge would move up her neck to settle on to her cheeks and she didn’t want Alice to feel bad for what she had said. “Alice that is very sweet of you but I highly doubt that..” Loren could barely say his name without becoming breathless, “I mean.. I just don’t think that Sirius will find me much for his interests compared to all of the other girls that are going to be at the ball. I’m sure his attention will be elsewhere.”

Knowing full well that in any other case, Loren would have pushed aside the comment and just mentioned that she only wanted Sebastian’s eyes on her, but for some reason, in the presence of the naturally sweet girl, Loren couldn’t lie.

Alice shook her head knowingly. “I’m not sure where you have been lately, Loren, but if I’ve noticed anything around school at all, it’s that one Sirius Black cannot seem to keep his secret glances at you, so secret.” Loren knew for sure that at this point, her cheeks for just becoming more and more red.

All she could muster was a small “If you say so, Alice” but at that exact moment, a warm burst of happiness flooded Loren’s stomach and she quickly changed back into her clothes and paid for her dress. She still needed to get a dress for New Year’s but a quick bit of lunch was needed first.


Walking into the Three Broomsticks, the two girls were planning on a bite to eat and then back to the dress shopping. The first trip proved so successful that Loren was sure nothing could bring down her mood.
While Alice agreed to find them a table, Loren walked towards the bar to grab them both a drink while they figured out what they wanted to eat. Pushing herself through the maze of students, teachers and habitants of Hogsmeade who were laughing loudly and talking even louder, Loren made her way up to the bar and plopped down on a stool waiting for the attention of the constant barmaid, Rosemerta, who was busy sopping up a spilled drink.

Loren looked around the bar, eyes falling on James, Lily and Sirius who were crammed at a small table more than likely discussing more party details. Leaning back onto the edge of the bar, Loren wished more than anything that she was sitting with them, laughing and throwing in her silly ideas. As Loren was about to turn away from the group, she caught the eyes of Sirius and her stomach flopped around. Spinning around faster than she meant to, Loren knocked over a gillywater that was waiting to be picked up. “Oh! Madame Rosemerta! I am so sorry!” Scrambling up as to not get any of the liquid on her, Loren smiled apologetically at the barmaid.

“Oh no need, dear, at least you apologized.” Rosemerta started to clean up yet another spill.” I get blokes in her who spill it and just leave as if nothing happened. Believe you me, I know what my job is but you would do good to also believe that I don’t appreciate people taking the mickey and expecting me to clean up after their arses! Each time, I almost let them know my mind and tell them to bugger off and to not step foot in again!” Sighing exasperatedly, the young woman smoothed out her apron.
Loren laughed lightly, enjoying the truthfulness in her words “Oh and Loren, dear. Somebody left this for you! It was sitting behind the bar when I came back from the basement after grabbing some more matured mead! Since you’re the only Loren Evans I know, figured it must be for you!” Rosemerta handed Loren a sealed slip of parchment and went to rinse out the rag that was used to absorb the gillywater.
Sliding a finger under the wax seal to break it open, Loren unfolded the parchment and read silently, her eyes moving back and forth, back and forth over each line. As she read the short letter, her eyes glazed over and she felt a wave of nauseous spill over her, an acid feel filling her stomach.

Loren had thought that the letters had fully stopped. She hadn’t gotten one in so long and her dreams had come to a stop, too. She read the note over and over several times.

Rosemerta shuffled back to the bar and slammed down two glasses. “Alright, dear what’ll it be?”

Loren felt hysteria rising from her stomach up slowly and she wasn’t sure if it was real hysteria or that nauseous that had reared its head seconds before. She was sure that her face betrayed her and mirrored exactly what she was feeling.

“Loren, dear?” Rosemerta asked.

Loren knew that somewhere the barmaid was trying to get her attention but all she could hear in her mind were the words “You’re a fool in you think you’re safe.” Loren turned back towards the bar, crumpling the parchment in her hand.

“Dear, are you alright?” Madame Rosemerta reached out to touch Loren’s arm.

Loren nodded, opening her mouth to reassure the woman that she was just fine but when she opened her mouth, no words came out. Instead Loren vomited all over the floor of the bar.

That spill was going to need a little more than a rag to clean up.


A/N- Hey all! Two chapters in a matter of days! Hope it's enjoyed! Love it? Hate it? Let me know! (:

Chapter 25: Wander
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And when I see you, I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better. It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around.

A Lack of Color- Death Cab For Cutie

Loren skipped up the steps of the train, her trunk banging loudly behind her. She tripped on the last two steps and struggled to keep herself upright. Her arm ripped back painfully and she realized that the wheel of her trunk had gotten stuck in a crevice. Loren mustered up some strength and budged her trunk quickly from its spot.

Making her way through the crowds of people who had filed in from the carriages and were now attempting to find a compartment to spend the rest of their trip in before they were officially on their Christmas break, Loren climbed further and further into the train. She was looking for compartment 57LI. Stopping short at 54LI, Loren ran her hand over the handle of her trunk. She wasn’t sure how ready for this she was.

When Loren had woken hours earlier, she rolled over and was greeted with a small piece of parchment that had stuck itself to the side of her face. Plucking the note from her face, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes before scanning it over. Loren couldn’t lie, before she had read the full note over, her stomach had given an awful lurch at what the possible words scrawled out for her could say.

“Loren” the letter had started, the messy writing a familiar memory.

“Meet us in the usual compartment.
Cheers, James”

A smile had crept up her face and settled onto her full pink lips. Even if her being there would surely piss off Lily or even make Sirius uncomfortable, James had thought about her and it warmed Loren’s heart. She had gotten dressed, finishing throwing some last minute items into her trunk while the rest of her roommates buzzed around the room. She had even gone down to the breakfast at the normal time and not avoided sitting by anybody.

Although she had caught the last carriage and was forced to ride down to the train with Severus Snape and a few other students who had nobody else to ride with, Loren was still content and in quite a good mood.

Which brought her to where she was now, standing awkwardly in the corridor of the train. Fidgeting outside of compartment 54LI, Loren straightened herself, fixing her hair and hem of the dress she wore. She pinched her cheeks, hoping to get some color into them so nobody could tell that she was so nervous that the color had drained from her face even before she had gotten into the compartment. Loren could see her destination about 15 feet down the corridor and her stomach was in knots.

She was unsure how long she had stood there for but she was pulled from her own thoughts when the door next to her slid open and Alice popped her head out.

“Loren” she chirped in a whisper “I know that you’re nervous but you mustn’t stand out here! People are starting to stare and I doubt you want any more unwanted attention.

After breakfast that morning, Loren had explained a majority of her life to the little Ravenclaw, at least the last almost four months of her life. Alice never interrupted or passed judgment, she just listened and advised Loren that all she could do was go to the compartment and hope for the best.

Loren gave Alice a gracious smile and nodded hear head, pulling her trunk which had seemed to double its size in the last few minutes. Alice squeezed her shoulder and gave all of the people staring a glare before disappearing back into her compartment.

Deciding that it was now or never, Loren held her head up and took five large strides, grabbing the handle to the door, she slid the door open and met ten pairs of eyes, some surprised, some knowing and some uncaring.

Loren tried to not let some of the looks shake her. Dragging her trunk around the corner of the door, she let the door close and huffed. “Hello, all.” She didn’t meet anybody’s eyes but instead struggled to put her trunk up in the rack.

James stood and took over wrestling the trunk for Loren, after a minute of shoving the trunk banged into place. Loren shot him a withering look but James knew it wasn’t anything more than anxiety at her current situation. James smiled at her, letting her know that she would be fine. After all this was only the beginning. Five out of the six people in the compartment would be together for the next two weeks.

“Thank you, James! And thank you for the letter this morning! It felt so good to be wanted somewhere!” Loren was flushed as she whispered her thanks to the boy who would always have her back

James blinked, confusion was a strong suit of his but this took the cake. “Loren, I didn’t-“but before James could finish his sentence a kick was aimed at his shin. James looked around to the only person within reach of him.

Sirius sat rigid, staring out of the window at nothing. James nodded his head, catching on quickly. “You’re welcome, Loren. You know you always belong with us.” A fervent whisper back to cover his confusion and then he was grabbing his best mate’s arm and pulling him from the little room. “How about we have a quick chat, Padfoot?” With that, the boys were gone.

Staring around in confusion, Loren surveyed the little room. She, apparently, wasn’t the only one who was confused. Lily and Ava looked at the sliding door, only breaking their gazes once they noticed that Loren was, too, looking the same way.

Loren looked over at Remus, she met his eyes. He was already looking at her expectantly. Loren cocked an eyebrow, silently asking him what exactly had gone on with his two friends. Remus rolled his eyes at her and shrugged his shoulders, though, Loren had a feeling that he knew what was going on.

Loren grimaced, uncrossing and then crossing her legs once more. She was trying to not be too annoyed but she was left in a room where the feeling of being uwanted outweighed any other feelings. Loren felt awkward sitting there with nothing to do and nobody to talk to and she almost wished she could bring herself to pull her trunk down and go off to find another compartment.

Loren hated pitying herself, even though she felt that was what most of her time was starting to consist of. She didn’t want to dwell on her thoughts but what else was there to do when the tension was so thick she could have used the sword of Godric Gryffindor to cut it.

Not even a full four months ago, Loren had sat in the same seat she was in now, nestled in the middle of the scarlet train, she was making her way to her second home. She was, as always, stressed and anxious but happy with her life. She remembered the laughs she shared with Ava and Lily and the silly play she and James had put on unintentionally but most of all, she remembered being curled up next to Sirius, his smell so strong had lulled her to sleep, making her feel safe even after she had woken up from a dream that was too real for her liking.

Loren could feel the tears crawling into her eyes and she glanced up at Remus, hysteria catching her quickly. Remus sat across from her, flipping the pages of a book. He was, too, feeling the tension in the room and without the two goofballs in the room to help lighten to the mood, there wasn’t much else to do beside immerse oneself in a book. Feeling Loren’s emerald eyes burning a hole in his head, he glanced up. His eyes met her and Remus could see the tears that were threatening to spill over at the drop of a hat. Remus knew that, unfortunately, if Lily had caught that look, all hell would break lose and the redhead would use that as invitation to break the silence in the room.

Doing the only thing that came to his overly intelligent mind; Remus puffed out his cheeks and crossed his eyes.

Loren could feel the tears coming quickly and was ready to excuse herself to the bathroom when Remus looked up, staring at her for no more than a second; he contorted his face for her. Remus’s eyes traveled to stare the tip of his nose and he stuck his tongue out of his puffed cheeks. He looked like he had been confounded and before the tears could find their way over her bottom eyelids, a laugh escaped her instead and there, in the little room with three fighting girls and one boy who could never have the heart to see one of his closest friends upset, Remus and Loren collapsed in a fit of laughter.

The train ride was surprisingly nothing but normal. Exploding Snap was played and far too many galleons were spent to the trolley woman but Loren couldn’t have asked for a better and more boring trip. After her little moment with Remus the atmosphere, for her, was far kinder and she enjoyed kipping away from reality to read some of her muggle book before falling asleep for a majority of the trip.

As always, the train made it to Kings Cross in the same amount of time as always and Loren was prepared, already changed out of her robes and trunk waiting for her on the floor. As the train came to a slowing stop, the compartment doors started to burst open one by one and students flooded out, ready to meet whomever on Platform 9 ¾ . Standing and following the little line that formed in her own compartment, Loren stepped behind her cousin and Ava, with Sirius, James and Remus behind her. They made it out into the corridor and did that always annoying few steps, then stop walk you do when in a crowded area.

“Honestly, I can’t believe that she just came into the compartment with us all as if nothing changed! I swear, if I were her, once I realized that nobody wanted her there, I would have packed up and rather sat with a bunch of Hufflepuffs than just embarrass myself!”

Loren squeezed he handle to her trunk so tightly, her knuckles turned, if possible, even whiter than normal. How could Lily be acting like such a prat? It mystified her that the whole ride, her cousin hadn’t said one word and then, like any other gossiping little girl, she choose the moment that she thought Loren couldn’t hear her to start talking about her.

“Obviously she should have seen it early on! James and Sirius left almost as soon as she walked into the compartment. They can’t even stand to be in the same proximity as her!” Lily flicked her hair over her shoulder.

Ava just nodded, not quite knowing what to say to the red head that never ceased the grudge she was holding so tight.

Loren bowed her head; again tears threatened themselves to her. How could Lily talk about her in such a way? How could Ava not even defend her? Where had her best friends gone? A small but reassuring squeeze on her right hand gave her the courage to hold her head up high. Loren figured it was Remus, maybe even James. The boys hated getting in between the girls but Loren knew that they didn’t want to see her just give in to Lily’s hostility.

What Loren didn’t know, though, was that hand that found hers was not Remus’s or even James’. It was Sirius’s and it crushed him to see the girl he loved so dearly be cut down every second somebody had the chance.

James sighed quietly at the pair of them. Sirius was running himself ragged by trying to be a silent part of Loren’s life, just hours before, James had pulled Sirius away to ask if it was him who had sent Loren the note because James definitely hadn’t. His assumptions were right and although James knew how much Sirius cared for the bright eyed girl, he didn’t know if Sirius would ever tell her that.

“And what was that between her and Remus? What? She already went through one Marauder, does she need another? Let me tell you, if she even tries getting her hands near James, I will not stand-“ Lily was cut short by the thud of a person against her shoulder.

Loren quickened her pace and turned, standing right in front of Lily, stopping the flow of people. Standing her full height, she stared at the red head. “Now, if you’re quite done, Lily, maybe I could get a word in?” Lily said nothing; instead her mouth dropped open in shock.

“Does that face mean it is safe to say that you didn’t know I was behind you? Really, Lily? I thought you were better than to talk behind another person’s back, let alone my back? I guess I was wrong but let me make myself clear, okay?” Loren stepped closer to Lily, their toes touching. “I would prefer if you could stop being a selfish, stubborn and quite annoying bitch and maybe make this holiday at least tolerable for everybody else because I’m sure having to listen to your inane prattle is sucking the Christmas spirit and maybe even the lives out of everybody involved.” Loren stood back and straightened herself, “Oh and grow up.” With that, Loren turned on the spot, her dark curls smacking her cousin’s face. Walking away and leaving everybody in her wake. Loren had decided, she was done letting everybody walk all over her.

As she watched her cousin walk away, Lily’s face was turning an alarming color of red. Ava stood, still in shock and each of the guys glanced at one another. Without missing a single beat, Sirius broke into a smile and announced quite loudly, “Holy shit. I love that girl.”

No matter how many times Loren walked through the front doors of the Potter’s house, she could never get over just how beautiful Patricia Potter always had her house decorated, but that was just the way Patty was. She expected her house to look a certain way, her family to be well behaved and her son to be, if anything, a gentleman. So, while Mr. Potter tended to eat with his mouth open and James held the record of having earned the most detentions, Patty Potter loved her family without end and she was the face of grace and good mannerisms.

“Oh, Loren! Sweetheart, how are you? How is school? I hope you are eating well. Please, sit down; dinner will be done in just a jiff!” A swift kiss was placed on Loren’s cheek, her trunk pulled away by a house elf and brought into some unknown room upstairs. Then a plate with steamed vegetables, roasted chicken and bread was thrust onto the table. Slowly the table was filled with more plates as Mrs. Potter made her rounds with the other teenagers.

Loren ate silently, wondering now more than ever where she would be sleeping. She knew just how large the Potter’s house was but was it large enough to hold five teenagers?

“Well I hope everybody is enjoying their meal! Now, Christopher and I have to go to the ministry for some last minute paperwork but before we go, we just wanted to let you know where you will be sleeping!” Could Patty read Loren’s mind? Loren made a note in her head to learn occulmency.

“Son, you are going to be staying in your room since the house elves were too scared to even step foot into that part of the upstairs.” Patty threw him a withering glare before continuing, “Remus or Sirius can room with you! Lily, dear, you’re going to take the room on the 2nd floor along with James but in the west corridor, not the East, two rooms to the left of the bathroom. Whichever of you two boys who decide to room by themselves will get the 2nd floor, the south corridor and the room closest to the stairwell. Loren, sweetheart, you will get the 2nd floor, south corridor as well but the room just across from the library!” Patricia jotted those instructions down and threw a name next to the corresponding room. Standing with a smile, she handed James the list, grabbed her husband’s hand and left the room without another word.

After everybody finished eating, the house elves cleared away the dishes and one by one, everybody started to leave the table.

As Loren made her way upstairs, she thanked Mrs. Potter silently for not sticking the girls in one room and the boys in another. Loren couldn’t be sure that she would have made it back to Hogwarts for the New Year if she had to room with Lily. Loren turned down the corridor leading to the library and found the room she would be staying in. Grasping the door handle, she walked in, astounded by the beauty of her temporary room.

The whole room was laid in cream and gold colors. Her trunk was unpacked and her clothing put away into the wardrobe, a set of pajamas set out on the overly large bed. A door across from the wardrobe led into a small bathroom and fresh towels were stacked on the edge of the sink.

Loren turned on the water and poured in some bubble bath. She lit some candles and started peeling off each article of clothing she had worn all day on the train. She was sweaty, sore and anxious about this whole trip- the bathtub was screaming her name and she could barely sink herself into the warm water fast enough.

Throwing a clip into her hair, Loren submerged herself into the bubbles and let her relax, happiness spreading through her.

Loren had slipped into a comfortable sleep, slipping further into the warmth of her bath. She had barely been asleep for 20 minutes when she awoke with a start. Spotting the haze of the candles and hearing the splash of the water, Loren remembered where she was and instantly relaxed, letting the tensions in her shoulders dissipate. A loud thump had woken the young girl up but she could hardly figure out where it came from.

A cheery tune flitted through her room, cutting the silence. Somebody was whistling in the room next to hers. A smile spread across Loren’s face, she had forgotten that Remus was her neighbor. Standing up and grabbing a fluffy white towel, Loren wrapped it tightly around her, not even bothering to dry off or fix her hair that had started to fall out of her clip before she ran to her bedroom door.

Pulling the door open, Loren danced out into the corridor and rushed to the open door next to hers. “Remus!” Loren screamed.

Realization spread through Loren and a blush crept into her cheeks because at the moment, she was standing in nothing but a very short towel, wet curls framing her face and left over bubbles trailing down her legs, chest and arms- all the while staring into the grey eyes of Sirius Black.

Sirius could feel his eyes wandering but yet, he couldn’t stop them. He started at her face, conveying her shock. Her green eyes wide and startled, her red lips forming a small circle, her cheeks turning a beautiful shade of pink. Eyes traveling down, he stopped for a second at the graceful slope of her clavicle, the curve of her breast, the perfect shape of her short frame and then to her slender and toned legs. Sirius was sure he was blushing, too.

Neither of them could speak, all they could do was stare. Seconds passed, then minutes and maybe even more before the silence was broken. “I’m sorry, Sirius… I just assumed that Remus would take this room.” Loren slurred her words together, barely audible.

A jealousy consumed Sirius for just a second because he realized that Loren would prefer to see Remus over him but just as quickly as it came, Sirius extinguished it and smiled slightly. “No big deal, Lor.” And with that, her bade her goodnight and disappeared into his own bathroom, leaving Loren confused and still blushing in the middle of his bedroom.


A/N- Hey all! This is my third update in about a month, so I'm getting back into the swing of things! Althought, I'm not sure how much I enjoy this chapter, I tried rewriting certain parts and it still didn't work well for me, all except the confrontation between Lily and Loren! Let me know about you all feel about that, also!
Anyway, in a week I am moving across the country, so I'll hopefully get in some writing before then, if not, I'll write for the many hours I will be on the plan. So with that said, hope you enjoyed, reviews rock!

Chapter 26: Let's Make a Deal
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Memories they take her back, every moment fades to black
Every kiss and every taste. She wishes time would ease the pain
The Silence – Mayday Parade

Loren blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. She was across the hall from her temporary room in the Potter’s home and she had been trying for the last hour to pick out a book to read but it was to no avail. Loren was unable to concentrate and for once, it wasn’t her stray thoughts that were causing the distraction.

Loren had skimmed through shelves of books and thinking about it now, she couldn’t remember even one of the titles. The only thing she did know was that if James Potter threw one more quaffle sized snowball at the huge window that over looked the backyard; she was going to kill him.

In fact, she thought, there were books on every single subject she could think of surrounding her- she may as well look for a book on how to get away with the perfect murder. Surely there must be many ways. Loren imagined throttling James around the neck with the handle to his broom. She could simply say that there must have been some tampering with it and no curse she thought of could undo the dark magic. Or maybe she could wait until they were back at school, trick him into taking a dip into the Black Lake and then drown him… Who wouldn’t believe the Giant Squid had become a little annoyed at the older student making his way into the squid’s territory?

Loren rubbed her hands together manically and gave herself a mental pat on the back for being so clever. She laughed to herself, giving her best evil scientist cackle not even noticing the exact person she was entertaining murder scenarios for.

“Uh, Loren, are you feeling alright?” James tapped the oblivious girl on the shoulder, earning himself a startled Loren and a scathing glare.
“James, you pratt. Didn’t you see that I was in the middle of something very important?”

“What exactly was it that you were doing, Loren?” James looked down at the only book Loren had grabbed from the almost never ending shelves of literature.
“I was trying to decide the best way to kill you and dispose of your body with very little to no speculation. Thank you very much!” Loren slid the book across the table and it skidded to a stop, gently smacking James on the elbow.

James chuckled slowly, unsure if one of his oldest friends was being sincere or not. He couldn’t lie, he was slightly wary of Loren now. “Many Magical Murders and More?” James read aloud, his eyes opening wide. “Do we seriously have this in our library? Mum must have never noticed because I once found a book in here that used to be my dad’s and it was all about the best spells to use for specific pranks. Mum about had a bird and any book that she deemed too likely for me to read it was removed from the library. It really was a great book.” Loren just stared at James as he prattled on and wondered more and more if Mr. Potter had accidentally dropped his only child on his head when he was an infant.

“James, you really are quite odd.” Loren slipped the book not back into its home, but further into the back of the shelf making sure that Mrs. Potter wouldn’t spot a book that may just come in handy to Loren at another time. Possibly before the end of break.

“No offence, love but you are the one hauled away in the library while the rest of us enjoy time away from school and books, just so you can find a way to kill me discreetly, although if you ask me, I’m sure you could come up with something far better than anything inside of that book.”
Loren had decided, she may really kill James Potter before the end of break.


Lily was already wishing that she was back at school. She felt entirely too lonely this Christmas break and although that was her own fault, there was no way that she could admit that, not now at least. Normally she would be enjoying herself immensely with the group of people she was with but things had changed dramatically since the last time they were all in this house together and Lily felt responsible for a portion of that change,
She stretched out on the bed and pulled her DADA essay towards her. She was doing homework; she really was quite the nerd.

As she charmed away some ink splotches, she thought back to the day prior when they had gotten off of the train. She thought back to her childish remarks about her cousin and then, of course, to her cousin who had very publicly called her a bitch.

Lily had flushed almost as red as her hair, well, according to Ava and she believed without a doubt, She was embarrassed but it was actually more shame that turned her cheeks that color. She could have screamed at Loren, she could have tried to make her feel bad about herself, she could have been cheeky and stubborn but at that point, all she could think of was the shock she was feeling, She had been called a bitch in front of a portion of her classmates and yet, the wasn’t what embarrassed her.

Lily flipped to her back and starred up at the ceiling. No, she thought to herself, the reason she wanted to hide her face at that point was because Loren was right. She really was a bitch and a horrible cousin at that.

It wasn’t a mystery to anybody that she was being unfair. Actually both James and Ava had told her that more than once… well maybe more than a thousand times. They both had a go at talking some sense into the fiery haired girl. Ava tried to let her know that was being quite the arsehole, while James tried some gentler words. Although she know that they were both completely correct, neither approach changed her behavior.

Lily just wanted to give her cousin some tough love and even though she knew she was going about it the wrong way, she didn’t know what the right way really was. Which was why was she feeling so lonely. Everybody had grown tired of her sour attitude and her determination to piss off Loren, so avoiding her like the plague while they were in such close quarters was the only thing that could be done.

Lily felt like a leper. Lily looked down at her arms. Nope, definitely not a leper.

Just a bitch.


“Remus could you tell me something?” Loren and Remus had been sitting and talking for a few hours now in the greenhouse and Loren had finally managed to get around to the only question that she really was curious for the answer.

“Of course, what’s up? “ Remus was an intelligent young man and anybody who had half a brain cell could tell that, but the same person with half a brain cell could also realize what Loren was about to ask. It really didn’t take a genius.

Loren was trying her best shot at a poker face. She could tell from the scowl and then grin made by Remus that she had failed miserably. “Well I was just wondering, why was it you that roomed with James and not Sirius?”

Remus rolled his eyes and sniggered. What Loren was really asking was- why was Sirius rooming next to her. Loren really could be predictable sometimes. “Well I was asked to room with James, so I complied. That only left Sirius with the option of rooming next to your so maybe that is why?” Remus didn’t even attempt to hide his dry sarcasm.

“Oh, so James asked you to stay with him? That was very nice of him and an interesting change. I’m glad those two didn’t room together, otherwise the house might be in ruins.” Loren smiled warmly.

Translation, I’m glad that Sirius is next door to me and not for the sake of the house. “Loren, please stop the act. If you are going to be anybody about your feelings for Sirius, please let it be me.” Remus truly did care for Loren and wanted her to be able o trust him but she would never tell her how she was really feeling unless her gave her a small push… or a push the size of the quidditch stadium.

Loren tensed slightly at Remus’s words. How obvious was she to everybody else? Remus was truly quite perceptive but Loren couldn’t help but wonder if it was his intuition letting him know that wasn’t being completely honest with him.. or just her miserable chance at subtleties. “Oh Remus, am I really that obvious? I thought I was doing fine but apparently, I thought wrong.”

“No, Lor. You aren’t obvious, not to anybody but me, not yet at least. Loren, why would you keep this from me? You know that I’m not only the guys’ best friend but yours as well and right now, I’m sure you need somebody to talk to with everything going on.”

Loren starred at her friend for a second, realizing now just how unlike anybody else he was. He was so sincere and kind hearted, more than anybody she knew and the only thing she could do was throw her arms around his neck and squeeze him tightly. Maybe she wasn’t too upset that her subtleties didn’t get passed Remus. “Remus, you are grand. You really are! I am so sorry for not saying anything sooner, I just was so unsure but no more”

Remus patted Loren’s back and smiled into her dark curls, tightening his grip around her waist. She was the closest thing he had to a younger sister and although he liked to refer to the guys’ as the brothers he was grudgingly given, Loren was definitely the younger sister he had always wanted.

“So Loren… I want to make a deal with you.” Remus had been trying to find a way to go about this all week but finally he had found his chance. He almost laughed at the look of horror on her face. “Nothing bad, I promise.”

Loren lightened up and nodded, urging him to continue. Remus took that signal, “Well, I’ll answer some Sirius related questions for you if you could do me the honor and answer some questions for me.”

Confusion tinged Loren’s features, her eyebrows knitting together furiously and her mouth drawn in a small bow was pursued. What could Remus possibly want to know? Was it about Ava? Or about her feeling for Sirius?

“Well out with it, Mr. Lupin. What information could I possibly have that would interest you?”

“Well Loren, I want to know what happened at The Three Broomsticks the other day, at our last Hogsmeade trip. And please humor me and don’t act as if you have no idea what I am talking about.”

Loren started. She had almost forgotten the incident that occurred a few days ago. Almost. She racked her brain trying to remember if Remus had even been in the pub that day and to her knowledge, he was nowhere to be seen, at least, not in her memory.

“Who told y-“

“Sirius did. Now that is my first bit of information. Your turn!” Remus smiled at her cheekily and Loren had to do all she could not to act like a child and stick her tongue out at him, cross her arms and stomp defiantly.

This was not exactly what she bargained for in her pseudo older brother.

“Alright, listen here, Remus. If I agree to your little deal then you have to promise not to do something rash. Alright?” Loren knew that saying anything before even letting him know what was going on was a bit premature and bound to blow up in her face but at the same time, he didn’t want to tell him what was going on and have him immediately jump up and find James or Sirius.

Loren rolled her eyes. Never mind, it isn’t like Sirius would care or even blink an eye. At least she didn’t think so. She really didn’t know what was going on in her life or with the people she had grown with for that matter.

At this Remus was instantly more curious. While he wasn’t one for drama, gossiping or rumors, he was a curious person, as most are naturally. Not only was he curious but he was in of the information. Loren wasn’t just a wanted little sister whenever he was curious for information. She was his wanted little sister all of the time and the thought of somebody or something hurting her angered him.

It was a hard place to be in for him. He had always to protect Loren but that was he supposed to do when the person who was hurting his “sister” was his ”brother”. Remus didn’t just know the phrase “between a rock and hard place”, he was the reason for that phrase.

“Remus, are you there?” Loren waved her hand in front of the sandy blonde haired boys face. Getting no response, she snapped her fingers a few times hoping for some type of act of recognition from him. When nothing happened, she grabbed his shoulder and shook fiercely, making the potted miniature rose bush on the table next to them almost tip over.

Remus glanced up at Lor and apologized robotically. He hadn’t meant to recede into his own mind. “Do you mean that you’d prefer I not tell either of the goons?” Loren smiled at the light trace of Scottish accent that Remus spoke with. Pleading with her eyes, Loren nodded. “Loren, I can try to keep sense but depending on what you tell me, you have to have sense as well. So I’ll let you know how I’m going to react, right before I react.” Remus winked at her and pulled a strand of her hair gently.

Loren scowled.

“Fine, it’s your choice. Do what you please with the information but please think whatever you plan to do through.”

“When don’t I?”

“I’m not sure. It could happen. The other two could rub off on you and you know exactly how they are when it comes to being rash and making thoughtful decisions.” Loren again rolled her eyes as she spoke.

Remus chuckled, “Are you referring to the fact that they have no tact, sense or a working thought process between the two of them?” Remus pulled a rose from the bush and rubbed his fingers over the smooth, satin like petal. Mrs. Potter loved her green room and beside her family, it was her next true love. Remus marveled at the roses, they were so full and the coloring was so vivid. While most witches are wizards kept their garden with magic, she just did everything with a truly delicate and loving green thumb.

Loren nodded, pulling the rose from between Remus’s index finger and thumb. She plucked one petal off “He loves me…” and another “He loves me not…” again “He loves me…” another petal fell to the table “He loves me not…”

Loren kept this up until every petal had found a home on the table they were sitting at. Well all except one. She set down the flower and left it, deciding she would pluck the last petal off after her and Remus’s talk.

Remus watched Loren push the rose to the other side of the table. “Loren, no matter how long you wait, the outcome won’t change. So unless you are hoping it will start growing more petals, I hate to be the bearer of bad news…” Remus smiled at her kindly.

Loren ignored him and shuffled her feet even though she was sitting down. “So why is Sirius rooming next to me and not you?” Loren had agreed, why wait any longer?

“I already told you that, Lor Bug. I was asked to stay with James.”

“Alright, sorry and I assume that it was James that asked you to stay in his room?” Loren had already asked this as well but never received an answer.
“Hmm, nope. Sirius requested I stay with James and he get the room by the library.” Remus knew that was what she wanted to hear but didn’t think she would.

Loren tried yet again to keep her poker face. She didn’t want to show the joy that had started seeping through her. It was like a balloon had been inflated in her stomach and she was floating. “Oh, really? Do you have any idea why?”

“Not really, no.” Remus replied curtly.

The balloon that had made a home in her stomach was now slowly deflating. “Oh, well alright...”

“I assume it was to be able to keep an eye on you;” Remus said cheekily, keeping that tidbit of information to himself at first. He was teasing Loren. “So, what made you need to vomit all over Rosemerta’s bar room floor?” It was his turn to ask the questions.

Loren turned away from him, keeping her gaze fixed on her feet. Her stomached churned uncomfortably and she feared that if she retold the reasoning for her untimely need to blow chunks, she might just end up doing it again.

“I was scared.” Loren knew that her reply was not going to be good enough. Hell, it was barely a response at all.

“Loren” Remus warned.

“Somebodyhasbeensendingmelettersandtheyseemtoknowmyeverymoveanditsbeenhappeningforquitesometimenow.” Loren finished in one breath and tried to ignore the goose flesh that had erupted all over her skin.

“Loren, please.” Remus whined. “I couldn’t understand a slight word of that.” Remus didn’t know how to help her if she couldn’t tell him what was going on.”

Biting her cheek, Loren decided it was now or never. Actually, she didn’t decide. She just figured she had no choice in the situation. If she didn’t tell him Remus was going to keep his information to himself as well and he was all she really had at the moment. Not only for the information but for the companionship. She was sick of watching her friends with one another and not being a part of everything.

Loren closed her eyes and a tear slipped down her cheek, leaving a wet streak in its place. Taking a shaky breath, she started, “Somebody has been sending me letters and they seem to know my every move and it’s been happening for quite some time now..” She finished slowly, choosing her words wisely.

“What?” Remus’s eyes were twice their normal size and he looked, oddly, livid. Remus was an unusually passive person. Livid was not a passive emotion.

So Loren started from the beginning and told Remus about the letters, the fear she had been feeling, she dreams she had been having and somewhere along the line she slipped in that she no longer was in love with Sebastian, if she ever was to begin with. She told him everything and let the many weights that bogged her down every single day lift, even if it was only a little bit.

She felt perfectly safe in confiding in Remus. She trusted him and she knew he would only say something to another person if it was the right thing to do. The boy had a crazy set of morals on him and all Loren felt for him was respect. He was quite a lovely person, inside and out. She was more than lucky to have him in her life.


The only reason Loren stopped retelling her story was because at exactly noon, small and wrinkled house elf stepped into the room, pushing a cart of food over to them. Sandwiches, cakes and teas of all kind teetered on their platters and Loren’s stomach rumbled.

As the house elf bowed away, Loren picked up a triangle shaped sandwich and ate it greedily. Who knew being honest could make somebody so hungry?

“Loren, you swear to me that you will confide in me whenever you need?”
Loren smiled and took a sip of her tea, nodding earnestly. “Of course, Remus. I swear it!”

Feeling so much lighter than before and happier, Loren grabbed the rose with its final petal and plucked it off. “He loves me.”

Remus and Loren watched the petal drift lazily to the floor and he knew that for the information she just shared, he had to keep his end of the deal and share something of great importance with you.

Without breaking his gaze at the rose petal, he smiled. “Yes, Loren, he really does.”


A/N- This is going to be very short since I am trying to get this submitted before my plane takes off! So read, enjoy and review if you'd like!


Chapter 27: It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
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It came upon the midnight clear, that glorious song of old
From angels bending near the earth, to touch their harps of gold:
"Peace on the earth, goodwill to men from heavens all gracious King!"
The world in solemn stillness lay to hear the angels sing.

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear


It had been hours since Sebastian had argued with his father but he still couldn’t get every detail to shake free from his mind.

All that could be heard, if not for just a split second, was silence; it was a cold and damp silence that welcomed none. Four men stood in the room, eyes reflecting no emotion. All accept for the oldest man, his eyes betrayed him and that was a first for his sons to see. His dark green eyes shone with anger.

“Father, I-“A coarse yell filled the room and this time everybody almost yearned for the silence but to no avail the oldest man began speaking.

“No, Sebastian, no.” He hissed, “What were you thinking sending that letter? Where the fuck has your mind gone, son? It could have been intercepted; it could have been read by another. You nearly put all of our heads on a platter and for what reason? A girl that meant nothing to you four months ago?” His gruff voice was quiet and anxious, flecks of spit spattered against Sebastian’s face.

“Dad, I needed your help! Can’t you understand that! Can’t you put yourself in my spot for just one second?” Sebastian paced the room, his hand grabbing at his hair and rubbing over his face. Stubble had crept its way over his chin and cheeks and his eyes were shadowed.

“No” his father bellowed. “No, I can’t understand that! This was your one job, this was your only responsibility and you’re telling me that you can’t do it?” His father was tall and stocky. They shared dirty blonde hair and straight, white teeth. Their only difference in looks was the color of their eyes.

Sebastian’s brothers stood in the room, they were unsure of what to do. Thomas was older than Sebastian by four years and Ben was older by six. They used to be the only people that Sebastian knew like the back of his hand and now, he felt as if they were strangers, strangers that were intruding in his life and staring at him as if he was something nasty that was stuck to the bottom of their shoes.

“No, dad! No. I’m telling you that I won’t do it.” Sebastian flung himself down into the large leather chair that sat at his father’s desk. “Don’t you even care about what you are asking of me? You want me to hand over Loren to Voldemort to be KILLED!” Sebastian flipped the old oak desk over, his confusion tainting the air around everybody.

Sebastian’s father gave a snap and the brothers bounded forward, grabbing Sebastian, pulling his arms behind his back and forcing him still. Sebastion squirmed for just a second before he stopped moving. There was no point, he wasn't going to be able to get out of their tight grasp.

Lee Parker bounded forward, stopping just as his nose grazed his youngest son’s. “Father, please.” Sebastian pleaded but his dad heard none of it.

“Just let him go, he's no use to us anymore!” He growled. The boys flexed their arms and let go of their youngest brother. Lee Parker turned, his impatience showing through.

Sebastian barely had the time to realize that his brothers were no longer supporting him, so he couldn't get his footing in time. His face bashed into the edge of the desk. White, hot pain sprung inside Sebastian and clouded his vision; blood spurted from his nose and dribbled down his mouth, staining his collared shirt.

The blood was now pooling on the floor by his feet, embarrassment filled him. He knew what his father was thinking because he was thinking it, too. He should have been vigilant, he shouldn't have relaxed so much. He wouldn't have fallen if he had been better with his reflexes.

Sebastian was clinging to his consciousness, the pain lessening and then starting again, coming in waves. Wave after wave hit him and Sebastian wondered when the blackness would take him. He knew it would soon and that was his own doing. He had come to his father begging him like a child would and he ended up breaking his own nose. This was not in the cards.

Sebastian didn't want to move anything but his eyes and so he watched as his father stepped back, his shoes spattered with his youngest son’s blood.

Sebastian watched as his father’s eyes betrayed him once more, this time it was pity. His father pitied him and that was the last thing Sebastian knew before his conscious slipped away.


Loren could barely contain herself because if she could say aloud what she was thinking without sounding like a moron… it truly was beginning to look a lot like Christmas. It was the morning before Christmas Eve and the many house elves that resided in the Potter mansion were busier than they had been in about a year.

Loren had been flitting in and out of different rooms in the house, watching as the house elves meticulously decorated and cleaned. At the moment, they were in the ballroom as they had been a few hours earlier making sure that every last detail was perfect for the ball tomorrow evening. Gold and silver orbs floated effortlessly between the crystal chandeliers and mistletoe nestled itself here and there. Handfuls of deep green, twelve foot spruce trees had made their way into the room and were currently being layered with garland, twinkle lights and the most beautiful ornaments.

What seemed like hundreds of tables and chairs had been moved into the ballroom and set with gold and silver plates, goblets and cutlery. The simple white table clothes were crisp and clean and everything was coming together without a hitch.

Loren was starting to actually look forward to tomorrow night’s event and she was already imagining the entrance she was going to make on the Potter’s marble staircase that flowed into the ballroom. That staircase was rarely ever used; it connected the foyer to the ballroom, as well as the 2nd floor. The only way guests were going to be able to get into the ballroom was to walk down the ornate staircase, it was the focal point of the ballroom and your first appearance was going to be as you walked into the party. Every year before Loren would walk unimportantly behind her parents, arm in arm with Avery and Lily, her aunt and uncle bringing up the rear of their group.

This year was going to be different, though. Her parents, aunt and uncle were, of course, not there. Lily would be making her entrance arm in arm with James Potter and Avery would be walking down minutes before Loren, waiting to take her arm and escort her into the heart of the party to their table. It was all very formal and all Loren was praying for was that she wouldn’t slip in her heels and be tossed down the stairs, or even step on the hem of her dress and ripping it to shreds.

Loren’s stomach flipped at her thoughts and she was brought back to reality by a very excited James Potter. “Loren! Can you believe it? Tomorrow is going to be insane! Mum wanted me to let you know that her hairdresser will be available to do your hair, too, if you need.”

“Alright, James! Tell her thank you and I very much appreciate it.” Loren smiled brightly and grabbed James’ hand, pulling him to the coatroom. “Can we talk, James? Just you and I?”

James nodded and slipped on his coat before helping Loren into hers and then without a word, they both walked outside into the bright white of the winter morning, snow crunching under their feet and the wind turning their cheeks pink in the cold air.

All around them Loren could feel the spirit of Christmas with each one of her senses. The snow under her feet, the smell of pies being bakes that hung in the air, the lights that clung to the edge of the Potter’s roof and even the taste of winter reminded Loren of what it was to be young, carefree and anticipating Father Christmas. Loren felt giddy and she wanted to be sure that every one of her friends would feel the same, too.

“James, how are you and Lily?”

James glanced over at Loren, noticing just how different she looked from her cousin. Her dark hair that fell in waves deep her back was the complete opposite from Lily’s red, pin straight locks. The build of their bodies both slim but Loren was short in stature and curvy whereas Lily was taller than the average girl and just thin. Even their eyes that were both the color of emeralds were so different. Loren’s eyes held every emotion even if her face didn’t show it. You could tell just how she was feeling if you really looked into her eyes and James didn’t have to give more than a few seconds look to know that she was concerned.

“We’re fine, honestly. It’s just..” James took a minute to form the words that had been stuck in his brain for days. “I want to be more than fine. I want to be so in love with the girl that I can’t sleep at night. I want to be so in love that I think of her more than I even think of quidditch and lately, it hasn’t been like that. Lately I can barely tolerate her sour attitude. I feel like such a prat for saying it and I feel even more sodding insensitive but it’s the truth.”

James leaned over and scooped up a handful of snow, forming it into a tight ball and lobbing it at the closest tree. James’ aim was spot on and even though it was the closest tree, it was still at least 15 yards away. Loren knew she couldn’t have hit it even if it walked up to her and took the snowball right out of her hand.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore, Lor. I love her so much but all she does lately is complain about you, then complain about the way Sirius acts, then complains about you and your decisions and then starts the cycle all over again.”

“I know that it’s hard for her to see you make some decisions but she is your cousin and not your mother. I know that I don’t accept all of your decisions, especially those ones regarding Parker but I will support you no matter what. That’s my job as your best friend. It’s her job, too and she just won’t listen. She won’t let me get a word in edge wise and she won’t talk about anything else. It’s like she’s one of those hit songs by that Warbeck character and it’s all they want to play on the radio! I’m at my wits end, Loren!” James finished his rant and looked guilty, as if the words had slipped out on their own accord and Loren knew, in a way, they probably had.

Loren wrapped an arm around her friend and rubbed his arm comfortingly. She didn’t realize that in lending a listening ear, she was getting a full load to help sort through.

“James, listen, I know how Lily can be. I know how stubborn she is and I know how hotheaded she can be as well. It’s a horrible family trait and sometimes we don’t even realize what we’re doing until it’s too late and we’ve alienated everybody in our lives. I have done it my fair share of times with everybody, especially Sirius.” Loren sighed. Why in the world was she standing up for the girl that had been making her life a living Hell for the past few weeks?

“Have you really tried talking to her about it?” James turned towards Loren and nodded his head. “No, James, have you really tried talking to her? Sometimes you have to tell her to just shut up and get over herself for the words to sink it. It’s like a verbal slap to the face! Lily will be in shock and it will give you the perfect opportunity to say what you have to say. She will both listen to you and take the time to understand what you are saying or she will be defensive and uncaring about it all. She isn’t meaning to act like a right jerk but she is and she has to be the one to change that.”

Loren squeezed James’ shoulder reassuringly and tipped her head to him, a small smile starting to spread across the young boy’s lips. “I’m sorry that I caused all of this, Jamie. I really am but maybe it was for the best. Maybe now I know who will always stand by my side.”

“Maybe, maybe not, Lor Bug. Give it a little while longer to see just who is meant to be in your life. You may be surprised.”

Loren nodded, unsure of what to say. Really, what could she say? Did James know something she didn’t?

“Loren, since you’ve been so… inquisitive” James could barely hold back a laugh. What he meant to say was nosey. “Would you mind if I, too, take a little insight to your life?” Loren shook her head, giving him the go ahead.

“How are you and Parker?” James turned away this time, trying to not pry too much. He knew that Loren tended to put up walls when she sensed danger of any kind. She always put up walls when it came to her personal life and her decisions. James didn’t want to scare her away.

Loren raised a lone brow and looked over to her friend. She knew exactly what he was doing. He was attempting to appeal to the older Loren, the one that constantly had her head in the sand and a non-confrontational attitude. Loren didn’t want to be that girl anymore. She had seen firsthand how Lily was pushing others away and she knew that she could be the same exact way and it made her hate herself.
“Sebastian and I….. We just” Loren sighed, coming to terms with the truth. “We weren’t meant to be and that’s all there is to it.” James nodded, not wanting to press his friend.

Loren smiled sadly at James and sat down on the swing that sat on the outskirts of the Potter property, patting the spot beside her. She pushed her boot clad feet into the snow to make the swing move once James had sat down. Together they swayed the swing back and forth, back and forth for a few minutes. The only noise that could be heard was the not yet frozen stream that passed them to their left.

Loren dug her feet further into the snow, feeling the melting snow seeping into the fabric of her boots, soaking her feet and sending a shiver up her spine. She loved being able to just sit in silence with a good friend. She enjoyed not having to fill the silence.

Looking over at James, Loren knew then that her friendship with him would be one of the few that would be eternal. He was her rock and although they would always fight, he would still always be the one to hold her up when she needed it.

Loren could have sat in the silence for hours with her best friend but her curiosity was usually too much for her own good. Taking a deep breath and digging her feet into the snow a little farther, Loren asked what had been on her mind for the last few hours. “James, did you know that Sirius loved me?”

James didn’t move, he didn’t even turn his head to look at Loren. Instead he sat frozen, unaware of what to say and unsure where her question had come from. James knew that his almost brotherly bond with Sirius was telling him to act innocent and plead the fifth but he owed Loren more than that.

James turned and grabbed Loren’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “Do you mean did he tell me?” James smiled cheekily and winked at Loren.

Loren sighed, laughing at her friend. “That’s half of what I meant. Did he tell you?” Loren mirrored James’ smile.

“Yes, he did tell me but I knew before that. I’ve known for quite a while now. You have the boy smitten, Lor.”

It was Loren’s turn to wink at her friend. “Well, obviously, James. Don’t you know?” James looked puzzled and Loren could only string him along for a little bit. “It’s my girlish charm. Everybody is just so taken with me.” Loren could barely contain her laughter as James worked out what she said.

Rolling his eyes behind his glasses, James gave Loren a little shove and stood, dusting the lightly falling snow from his hair. “You are just so full of yourself Loren Evans!”


James hopped up the stairs, having just left the swing that him and Loren sat for hours and talked about everything. Loren had said she was going to stay out for a little while longer, her excuse was she needed time to think and James understood that. James had been taking quite a lot of time alone lately to do the exact same thing and now was the time to stop thinking and finally do.

Like Loren had said, the only person that could change Lily’s actions was Lily herself but James knew he was the one that had to push her a step in the right direction. If not, everybody was going to be miserable for the rest of their break and he didn’t want that sitting on his soul.

Not only that but he knew if Lily didn’t stop this soon, she was going to be putting a final end to her relationships with so many, including James and he preferably didn’t want to have a hand in breaking his own heart.

So this was fate, James realized. No matter what he said, Lily would still be the one that held the deciding factors and that determined not only her own fate but his, and Loren’s, Sirius’s, Remus’s and Ava’s. The friends were like planets, all revolving around the same point. They were all affected by the other’s decisions. It was the ultimate domino effect and if James could help it, he was going to put a stop to a horrible Christmas. Maybe he could make the dominos fall another way.

James stood outside of his girlfriend’s bedroom door, willing himself to knock but his hand wouldn’t budge. He was psyching himself out.
He hardly knew how long he had been standing there when a creaking floorboard pulled him from his reverie. Swinging around, he came face to face with the exact person he needed for a pep talk.

“Loren… I don’t know if I can do this.” James whispered fervently.
Loren pressed her hand to her lips, a laugh caught in her throat. Her heart swelled at the sight of her friend, so innocent and determined. She was realizing now that she had not one brother, but three.

Although Avery was the only one that had been by her side for his entire existence, James and Remus still were her brothers and she wanted only the best for them.

“You’ll be fine, James. No matter what happens, know that I love you and I will always stand by your side and support your decisions like you have for me. No matter what happens, I will always be a few rooms away to talk you down or hype you up.” With that Loren reached up on her tiptoes, kissed James’ cheek.

“Good luck!” She whispered, balling her own fist, knocking on Lily’s door and with a final motion, she disappeared down the hallway.

A few seconds passed before the door finally opened.

“Hello, James!” Lily smiled at her boyfriend, grabbing his hand and guiding him through the door.

Before she could say anything else, James directed fate. “Lily, we need to talk.”

“Yes, we do! Why, might I ask, were you outside with that sodding girl?” A sour face plastered itself to Lily’s face, turning her features dark and not so delicate. “I mean really, James? I can’t be sure but I have a feeling that tramp can rub off on people, so maybe you should quit while you’re a-“

“Lily, shut up!” James blurted out, his voice a higher note than he meant it to be.

“Excuse me? I don’t understand?”

“Just shut up! It isn’t hard to understand. Just stop it. Do you not hear yourself? Do you not see the person you have become recently?”

Lily’s face was reflecting her shock well and her thin hands had balled into fist. “Well, I never! Where do you get off speaking to me in such a manner, James Howard Potter?”

James rolled his eyes, pacing the room. “Lily, you have turned into such a bitter person! You are ruining so many relationships just because you are unhappy with your cousin! Don’t you see that? She is a big girl, she can make her own decisions and she shouldn’t worry that she will lose friends or family because of them. She hasn’t killed anybody; she hasn’t done anything directly to smite you. She is just living her life and she doesn’t need to worry about you getting in the way of that.”

Lily’s face was slowly turning red; her anger was rising in her like steam in a kettle.

“Listen to me; you have become a person I don’t know. You are NOT the girl that I used to love more than anything. You are mean and cruel and just vindictive and I hate it. I love Loren. She is like a sister to me and I will always stand by her side and support whatever she does because that’s what people do for those they love. No matter what I will always love her and you are not going to make me feel bad for that! I know you have been trying with all of your might but you are better than this.” James furrowed his brow and walked forward, taking Lily’s face in his hands.

“Lily, I love you so much. I love you so much more than you could ever understand and you were so perfect to me before. So smart, levelheaded, stubborn and understanding but now you are everything but those things and it’s leaving a bad taste in my mouth. All of this for what reason, because Loren gave love a chance? Because she took a plunge that you didn’t understand or like?”

Lily blanched, for the first time in her life, she was unsure of what to say. Her words were lost to her and she could only gap like a confused monkey. “James… I- I-“Trying to form a coherent sentence with the entire information overload she just endured was too much. “I don’t know what to say.”

Letting go of her face, James turned and walked towards the door, twisting the handle and pulling it open slightly. “Well you better figure it out, Lily, because if not… we’re done.”

With that, James walked out of the room, leaving Lily still gaping and his shoulders feeling a world lighter.


A/N- Hey, all! So I'm still getting settled in three weeks later but I do have internet finally so this is being posted on May 8th! I'll be attempting to get the next chapter written up and out for you guys within the next week or so! Sound good? Well I hope you enjoyed reading, review and let me know what you think. Love you all!
-Alex (:

Chapter 28: Pearls
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I’ll be true, I’ll be useful
I’ll be cavalier, I’ll be yours my dear
And I’ll belong to you, if you’ll just let me, though
This is easy as lovers go
As Lover Go, Dashboard Confessional


Loren had a case of butterflies in her stomach. Actually, Loren had a case of the hippogriffs in her stomach. She was becoming increasingly more and more nervous. She had barely slept the night before, and caffeine wasn’t proving to fuel her energy. That and running around the Potter’s property no less than five times was probably not doing much. In fact, Loren was sure it had zapped the very little bit of energy she did have.

Having grown tired of tossing and turning, fluffing her pillow and then kicking off her blanket for the millionth time, Loren had gotten up at half past five in the morning on Christmas Eve. Mind racing and body very much alive, Loren had brewed a pot of coffee, downed a cup without any sugar or creamer and then bounded out of the house. Still in her pajamas but now clad in her running shoes, Loren was kicking up snow, heading out toward the drive that encircled the Potter Manor, deciding it was the best approach since the snow had been melted and packed down quite a bit.

After having sprinted, jogged and even walked so many times around the property that her chest felt tight and her breath was coming out in uneven little puffs of winter smoke, Loren made her way into the house, waffles smothered in syrup calling her name.

Loren’s mind was buzzing and busying herself with breakfast preparations and drinking her third cup of coffee was not doing much to quiet what seemed like the hive of bees that had made a home in her brain.

Loren mixed the batter, tossing in flour and eggs, some vanilla and sugar. She carefully chopped the strawberries, adding them in one by one. She heated the waffle maker and set out her plate. Loren had never in all her life paid so much attention to the detail that went into her breakfast.

A soft thud made her stop whisking the batter, tilting her head up to the ceiling, wishing now more than ever that she had been born with x-ray vision instead of the power to manipulate water, Loren wondered if it was Sirius waking. What would he be doing as his body slowly rose from its slumber? Would he shuffle to the bathroom and empty his bladder, then scrub the sleep from his teeth? Would he then turn the shower on, pulling off his white t-shirt and boxers as he waited for the water to heat up?

Then with the steam billowing in clouds as it hit the cold air, he would step in, the hot water waking his muscles and relaxing them, the beads of water splashing over his body, dripping down his stomach. He would stretch his body, all of his muscles rippling in the light from the early morning.

Loren sighed, her mind somewhere she never thought it would be. Her libido springing to life and the very smallest part of her praying that nobody in the house was a legillimens and was awake for the movie that was playing deep inside Loren.

It was almost Christmas and the only gift that Loren wanted this year was Sirius. Sirius dressed and holding her hand, Sirius dressed and kissing her face, Sirius undressed and watching the shower water pooling around them both, the steam making them one, Loren just wanted the ultimate Christmas gift but she had the vaguest idea that Father Christmas didn’t have room in his sack for a gift wrapped Sirius.

A web of goose flesh littered Loren’s skin and she closed her eyes, watching in her mind’s eye as Sirius rinsed the soap from his body and his hands travelled all over his body. Loren leaned into the counter, her body slackening and as Loren decided to add herself as a character to her fantasy the bowl of batter slipped from her hands and clattered to the tile floor.

Snapping out of her fantasy, Loren starred down to the batter that had splattered, well, everywhere. “Shit” she muttered, not daring to be loud for she assumed quite a bit of time has passed since she first heard the person waking and her mind had gone rampant.

Bending down, Loren took to cleaning up the mess without magic, scrubbing the batter from the crevices of the tile and taking care to clear away the red coloring the strawberries had left behind. Today, Loren knew, was going to be a long day and she still had a little over twelve hours until the ball began. She was going to have to keep herself extremely busy if she were going to make it through the day without any more accidents.

Loren grabbed the whisk and now shattered pieces of bowl and made to stand and as she did, she noticed she wasn’t alone in the kitchen anymore because standing five feet away, in nothing but a beige towel was Sirius, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Oh, Loren, I didn’t know you were down here.” Sirius said to himself more than he did to Loren. “Well, Happy Christmas Eve.” He exclaimed as he grabbed his mug of coffee and turned, leaving the room and as he went all Loren could concentrate on was his fine toned back and all of the possibilities that lay under the towel.

Oh, today was most definitely going to take a lot of busy work, Loren thought as she muttered a halfhearted “Happy Christmas Eve to you, too.”


Hundreds of miles away, Sebastian, too, was up with the dawn. He couldn’t actually remember the last time that he had slept in his house, let alone the last time he had slept for more than a few hours in the castle.

His body was sore and rest deprived and to add insult to injury, literally, his nose was definitely broken and jutted out of his face at a very unnatural and odd angle now. He was quite positive that if he hadn’t clumsily and pathetically injured himself, the argument he had with his father would have turned into a brawl. Not that he was thankful in the least for his newly shaped nose.

As he sat in his bed, listening for the sounds of human movement, all he could wonder was how he ended here. Would things be the same had his mother never left the four men? Sebastian didn’t have to look deep in his soul or think too hard on it to know that it wouldn’t be like this.

Yes, his father was an angry man, which was clear to anybody who had a working brain but when his mother was in their life, his father was different. Happier and livelier, his father had an almost gentle disposition and Sebastian knew now that his mother earned the credit for that. She had made him an exceedingly better man.

From what Sebastian could remember, his mother was warm, gentle and an amazingly caring woman, wife and mother. She was beautiful, too and although Sebastian had received his appearance from his father and grandfather, his personality was so like his mother’s. His father used to remind him of that often after she left.

Natalie Parker was a skilled witch, too and when Sebastian started showing his grace of magic, he was saddled often with the remark of “That you got from your mum, Seb.” At the time he had enjoyed the comments he received so much more than anything else, they were like his own personal present and he prided himself on acting more and more like his mum.

Now, though, Sebastian didn’t hold that pride too often. He knew things would be different had his mother made the decision to stay. He knew his father wouldn’t be the gruff, uncaring man he is now and he knew better than anything else that they would never have been mixed up with dark magic and evil. Instead, they would have Sunday dinners and they would have spent all of their schooling at Hogwarts, the boys would look forward to school breaks and spending time with their parents.

Most importantly Sebastian would have loved Loren more than he did right now. He would have loved her and not hurt her and of course, never attempted to set her up. They would be school sweethearts and then maybe one day they would have gotten married and blessed Sebastian’s parents with a handful of grandchildren that they would have spoiled to no end.

If his mother never walked out and left their father to his own devices then his life would have been the complete opposite of what it is now and so at the early morning hours, the only conclusion that Sebastian could come up with was that this was his mother’s entire fault. Not his, not his father’s and maybe not even the dark Lord’s. The blame was solely on his mother and her decision to leave her four men.


Loren was running late. All of her busy work lasted longer than she needed it to and now, she was an hour late in her attempts of getting ready and the ball started in less than two hours. She was just getting into her room to get ready and she was met by Remus and James sprawled over her bed, sleeping so soundly it almost pained her to wake them… Almost.

“Remmy! Jamsie! Not to break up this slumber party but you do know that we have less than two hours to get ready and such?” Loren said as she jostled them both awake. “What are you doing in here anyways?” She questioned as she walked to the wardrobe and pulled out her gown.

“I’m hiding from Lily.” James evened.

“I’m hiding from Sirius and his obsessive talk about you.” Remus replied
Loren laughed at her two friends and scooted onto the bed between them, the bag protecting her dress crinkling with each movement. “Don’t you two have to get ready?”

“Didn’t you say we have like two hours? It only takes me four minutes to dress myself in that damned tux and that’s timed. So I’m thinking I’ll get ready in about an hour and a half.” James said, yawning obnoxiously.

Remus nodded at his friend and smiled. Loren rolled her eyes at the teen boys, knowing she should have assumed that much from them. She also knew they were opting out of getting ready with Sirius since he would probably be perfecting his hair right now and shaving away the stubble that he never let come in from his chin and cheeks.

“Alright well then you get to help me!” Loren squealed, a knock at the door making her stand and cross the room. Loren opened the door and was met with a slight woman, platinum blonde hair sitting atop her head and a bag resting over her shoulder.

“Hi, my name is Millie; I’ve come to do your hair and makeup. Mrs. Potter said you would up here. Erm, she also wanted me to tell you two that she wants you getting ready soon because although it may only take four minutes, she wants you greeting guests at the door.” She starred over at James and Remus, a hint of embarrassment and amusement painting her features.

“Oh yes! Thank you for coming up here. Would you like to go in the bathroom? There’s a vanity in there that you can set everything out that you’ll need. I don’t really have any idea how I want my hair, I’m think I’m going to leave that to you since you are the artist here.” Loren smiled and directed Millie to the bathroom, pointing out the vanity and outlet that sat beside the mirror.

“No, dear, I won’t need that plug. Being a witch saves quite a bit on the electricity bill.” She winked at Loren and started setting everything out.

Compacts filled with blush, eye shadow, bronzers, tubes of mascara and lipsticks started to fill the front of the vanity, then hair products came next, tamers, pins and hair ties, detanglers, gels and mousses. Loren could see no actual appliances to style the hair and that’s where she knew the magic came in.

An hour was easily soaked up by the stylist and the careful attention she paid to Loren. First she prepped her hair, untangling the knot that sat on Loren’s head, her curls cascading down her back in tight and loose ringlets, jutting out here and there, lacking the look of sophistication that Loren craved at the moment.

Millie gently separated the curls with her fingers, combing through and working a balm through the tendrils to relax them but keep the body that usually infuriated Loren. From time to time, Millie would pin up layers of Loren’s hair and brush out what was left hanging down her back.

Pulling out her wand, Millie began to twirl pieces of dark hair around it, muttering a spell so quietly Loren couldn’t make it out but as she did, the hair grew warm. Sliding her wand out from the hair, Loren expected a tight curl to bounce back but instead, the hair stayed raveled and seemed to pin itself to her head without any pins actually being pushed into her hair.

Strand by strand the same process was taken and Loren’s eyes grew heavy and her mind wandered to thoughts of what would happen tonight, who she might meet, what everybody would be wearing and the food she would be eating.

Two feet over, Remus and James sat in the bath tub, leaning against the porcelain and looking thoroughly bored. Loren didn’t have to glance over to know that throughout the last half an hour, they had changed their position from standing, to sitting on the edge of the tub, to now full out laying in it, legs thrown over the edge, shoulder to shoulder.

Millie had to suppress a laugh at the young men who couldn’t seem to sit still.

Turning Loren away from the mirror, Millie started styling the girl’s hair. Piece after piece was taken and pulled back, pinned up or pulled into what felt like an intricate design and finally the young boys’ attention was finally captured. They both watched intently as Millie, who was in her own little world, weaved and braided, pinned and clipped.

“Millie, do you think you could smooth out my hair?” James piped up from nowhere, wonderment in his eyes.

A twinkling laugh filled the woman and she shook her own hair. “I don’t think so, honey. Your mum asked me to smooth out your father’s. Neither product I own nor spell I know could tame his hair. I have a feeling yours would be no different.”

James nodded, looking slightly crestfallen, his gaze going back to Loren’s almost finished hair. A few more pins and twists and Millie was done, spraying in some hair spray and uttering another almost soundless spell to make sure her style would look flawless the entire night.

Millie was good at her job; any witch that went to her could tell you that in a heartbeat. For years now she had styled the hair of the women who took the front page of Witch Weekly and she was mentioned in all of the finest weddings and formal parties. Although Loren couldn’t see what her hair looked like, she was sure that she was going to be nothing less than pleased.

As Loren tried to imagine the way she would look once she was dressed and all done up, Millie began applying her makeup.

A sheer foundation was pressed into her skin, powders were brushed along her cheekbones and mascara was wisped into each individual lash. The makeup process took 1/3 of the time that her hair did and before she knew it, Millie was placing a kiss carefully to her head, packing up her equipment and wishing the kids fun at the party, though, she would be there as well. “I’ll probably be seeing you all there looking quite lovely but you see, Champagne likes to both lower my inhibitions and make a mess of my memory, so I do apologize in advance if I can’t recall any of the night.” She giggled gaily and bounded from the room.

Loren turned to glance at herself in the mirror, taken aback by the foggy appearance the reflective surface had taken on. Wiping her hand along the length of it, she was confused when it stayed foggy. Standing, she walked back into her room, meeting the same issue at the floor length mirror that sat by her wardrobe.

“James, there’s something wrong with the mirrors.”

“No, there isn’t Loren but Millie didn’t want you to peak at yourself until you were all done up. Once you’re dressed, Remus can take the spell off of the mirrors and then and only then can you see yourself. Millie’s too clever for her own good.” James smiled and handed Loren her dress, ushering her back into the bathroom and telling her they would be back in five minutes once they were dressed.

Loren slipped off her clothes and swapped out her bra for one that was strapless, as well as changing her knickers to nude boy shorts, knowing that her dress was too sheer for anything colored underneath.

Slipping into the dress, she pulled it over her hips, and slid her arms into the straps, settling the fabric gently over her skin. She twisted to pull the zipper up; unable to do so without fear of ripping the dress or snagging the fabric, she exited the bathroom, meeting the back of the now dressed up boys.

“James, can you zip this thing for me. I don’t want to mess it up!”

The boys turned eyes wide and mouths dropping open, they stared in awe at Lor, her beauty having taken on a new elegance that they had never seen before. Loren’s hand slipped over her nervously and although she had blush already applied to her cheeks, her face still burned brighter than the makeup could hide.

“You…. You… you look… “James could barely hold his shock at how grown up his best friend and wannabe little sister looked.

“You look absolutely breath taking, Lor.” Remus finished James’ thought, bustling over to Loren and helping her zip up the dress.
Both placing a kiss to her forehead, James and Remus left, reminding Loren that they had to greet guests but they would see her soon when she made her entrance at the ball.

“Remember not to trip, little sister!” James teased while Remus took the spell off of the mirrors and then they were gone.

Loren stepped in front of the mirror, opening her eyes wide. Even she couldn't deny it, she looked breathtaking.

Her hair was pushed back into a low bun at the nape of her neck. Braids were woven in and out of her bun while on the right side of her head; a French braid twisted itself around her head. Short tendrils of hair framed her face in tight curls.

Although she barely let Mellie spend much time concentrated on her makeup, it had come out flawlessly. A sheer gold color highlighted her emerald eyes and coral pink tinged her cheeks and lips, nothing too much, just a little something to bring out her natural beauty.

She wore no jewelry, except for a pair of gold pearls, nestled in her earlobes. Loren's eyes started to stray, she left the best part of her appearance to take in last.

Her dress was the pure white of fresh snow. The bodice of the dress came up high, touching the base of her neck where it came into a halter with gold accents weaving their way over her shoulders. Next her eyes glanced over her chest, completely covered, except for the keyhole detail right between her breasts. It was so dramatic, yet perfectly elegant. Her eyes pushed further down, meeting the empire waist, gathered in a crisscross pattern, the gathered chiffon was embroidered with gold pearls. Accents that if were left out would have made the dress like any other, lacking a certain grace of beauty.

At Loren's hips, the dress started to flow outward, leaving a soft and feminine look but the best bit was when she turned around. With her back to the mirror, Loren craned her neck to see her reflection. The halter straps to the dress crossed, leaving an "X" shape over her shoulder blades and wrapping around to the front. Just below that, Loren could see the smooth, ivory color of her skin. From the top of her shoulders to the start of her bum was all skin. Except for the thin straps, the fabric plunged dangerously, showing the curves of her back.

The dress was the most beautiful thing that Loren had ever seen and she knew that if her mother were there, her heart surely would stop in her chest at the site of Loren. While it was a dress that held grace and sophistication, Loren knew that she looked older. She looked sexy. Loren smiled and bit back a laugh, she never imagined herself looking so... perfect.

Stepping into a pair of gold stiletto heels, Loren left the guest room, walking toward the staircase to make her entrance.


Sirius’ POV

So the ball had just officially started and already my hand was sore from the amount of people that I had greeted and I was sure that tomorrow I would wake with no voice because as it was I had already used up every word in my vocabulary, twice.

I had already made my way down the entrance staircase, grabbed a glass of something that surely was not pumpkin juice and found my name amongst the tags that sat on the tables. Looking to my left and right I was pleased to see that James and Remus would be sitting right beside me, which was something I didn’t plan on since Mrs. Potter knew how we were together but we had already promised to be on our best behavior, so maybe she was throwing us a bone.

Glancing around the rest of the table, I noticed that Lily sat to James’ right and Ava to Remus’s left and right across from me was the seat that was reserved for Loren. My stomach flipped wondering just how uncomfortable she would be with Lily next to her, not only that but would it worse that I was sitting right in her eyesight?

Standing to grab another flute from a server, I watched as James and Lily made their entrance, all eyes flashing to the couple of the night but what I assume nobody noticed was the tension that separated them.
Loren would be coming out soon and I had told myself over and over already in the last ten minutes was that I shouldn’t stare. I shouldn’t give the guys anymore reason to bag on me and I shouldn’t give Lily any more reason to be a right git but I knew the second she came down those stairs, my eyes weren’t going to be able to see anything but her and that’s the way it had been since our third year. My eyes just weren’t able to see anything as beautiful or as mind blowingly distracting as Loren.

The music played quietly in the back and the people mingled happily in dresses and dress robes that looked extremely uncomfortable and I knew somewhere that Mrs. Potter was having a fit that the ice sculpture wasn’t magicked to not melt and the appetizers weren’t yet being sent out.

That woman was truly going to give herself a coronary one day.

James plopped down beside me and Lily beside him and although James looked extremely carefree, Lily looked like she had been sucking on the lemon that sat in her water glass. The conversation that James had with her, well actually, forced on her earlier was probably still playing clearly in her head and normally I’m not a fan for people being upset, but she deserved it this time around and I was secretly, or not to secretly since I had let him know numerous times today, very proud of Prongs for standing up to her and putting her in her place.

This was going to end up being a long night, not that I wasn’t excited for the night. I’m good at parties; I’m good at being social. I might not be good at much; I’m not good at feelings, or being a part of my family and I’m certainly not good at relationships but parties I’m good at. That and being an animagus. James tells me way too often that I should just make my transformation permanent but I really do enjoy being a human most of the time.

The buzz from whatever the hell I had two cups of was warming my stomach and making me way too happy at a party that had just started 15 minutes ago.

General POV

“Sirius, slow down, my man. Mum won’t be too pleased if you get wasted.” James warned, a teasing smiling playing on his lips.

Sirius chuckled and cheekily downed his drink, the warmth now flooding his chest. James shook his head, waving over a server and grabbing five flutes for the table. “To a good night, good friends, no fights and lots of champagne!” The whole table cheered, all except Lily who nodded and daintily sipped her drink.

“Here, here, Jamsie boy! To all of that and a damn good… holy hippogriff shit.” Sirius stopped short, exclaiming loudly, his eyes bulging from his head. Not paying attention, Sirius tipped his drink a little too far and champagne spilt down his robes, leaving a trail.

The whole room of people turned to look in the direction that Sirius was staring, his eyes seeming to almost pop out of their sockets. Standing at the top of the stairs, grasping the banister was Loren; her ivory skin glowing in the light and the gold accents in her dress was casting a warm glow around her.

Sirius stood, his whole body on fire, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He had never seen anything so beautiful, so delicate and so damn heart breaking. Sirius could barely breathe; it felt like every cell of his being was coming to life and for a split second, he was worried more than just his cells were bursting because of the beautiful girl at the top of the stairs.

Loren started, realizing now that everybody seemed to be staring at her. Her eyes glanced from one intrigued face to another; face after face, Loren blushed a little more, her face growing warm.

She gripped the banister a little harder and met person after person, recognizing friends, classmates, teachers and important people. Finally her eyes fell on the only person who was standing, his grey eyes warm and needy of something, his body arched towards hers from across the room, it was Sirius. He looked charming in his robes, a gold bow tie sat underneath his chin and his hair fell endearingly around his face.

Loren took deep breaths, trying hard to not hyperventilate, wanting to run to Sirius, wanting to kiss him. Her self-control minimal at this point but running in heels wouldn’t be the smartest move right now, also running across a room of spectators to kiss the boy she hasn’t spoken to in months while she had a boyfriend also wasn’t smart.

Her legs shook as she got half way down the staircase, the hem of her dress in one hand, she suddenly felt so beautiful.

No matter why she was being stared at, the look in Sirius’s eyes told her that she was the only thing he could see, at least, that’s what she thought and it pushed her to keep walking. For the night she was going to be confident and elegant. For the night, Loren was going to the person she really was when her doubts and worries didn’t get in the way and although she couldn’t be sure how he felt while looking at her, she thanked Sirius for that silently.

Sirius stared into Loren’s eyes, the deep green mesmerizing and so captivating it made his skin burn. He wanted to scream that she looked beautiful. Her hair was out of her face and resting against her neck, curls here and there nestled against her collar bones. Sirius cursed himself silently as the champagne in him urged him to keep looking, to let his eyes fall down her ivory colored skin. She looked so sexy, the dress she wore by no means was wasted on Sirius, instead he admired every single thing that it did for her, from the way it hugged her chest and flowed smoothly over her hips and stomach, to the bits of skin he could see in the design.

Without another word or thought, Sirius bounded forward, skirting around tables and weaving through the maze of servers. For a second, Sirius could swear he heard Remus and James give a whisper of a cheer but there was no way for him to be sure. He made his way to the staircase, his body moving at its own accord and Loren almost glided down the stairs. Five stairs away, three stairs away, one stair away and a mixture of shock and happiness played on Lor’s face. Her smile almost knocked Sirius over and it took all the strength he had in him to gently thrust out an arm for Loren to take.

Loren had a feeling that it didn’t take a Seer to know the surprise that was going on in her mind. Sirius had come to lead her to their table and the way he came over, it was as if he was magnetized to her. Truth be told, she felt pulled to him right now, too, and so she took his arm, letting him lead her through the throng of tables to theirs, where she could see that everybody at the table, even Lily included was smiling wider than she had seen in a while. She smiled back as Sirius pulled out her chair, then pushing it in and taking his own set across from her.

Remus and James both gave her an encouraging thumbs up and James had to add in a wink. Ava commented on her dress and hair. Loren thanked her happily, glancing quickly over at her cousin.

Lily was in a soft pink dress, an overlay of sheer pink fabric added a beautiful flow to the gown. Lor noticed at the shoulder laid a crystal lily flower. She also noticed the French braid that trailed down Lily’s back and the messy tendrils that slipped out here and there. The redhead looked gorgeous.

Lily looked up, meeting Loren’s eyes. A warm smile changed the features that Loren had come to see as cold in the last few weeks. She couldn’t help but smile back but she smiled even brighter when her cousin mouthed the words “I’m sorry.”

Loren nodded took a large gulp of the drink that James had set in front of her, choking on the contents. “Ugh! James, what is this stuff?”

“It’s Champagne, Lor bug!”

“Champagne tastes nasty, James! What were you thinking?”

“I know it’s nasty, we all know it’s nasty.” He motioned around the table. “What I was thinking, though, is that tonight is going to be a night like no other and so we drink to the occasion.” And for the second time that night, James proposed a toast. This time earning a clink of five other people’s glass against his.


The night was going amazingly so far. They heard speeches made by Mr. and Mrs. Potter and ate food so heavenly that it’s only competition was Hogwarts and all of the friends were feeling a little bit warm from the flutes of champagne they had drank. James was meticulous about always keeping a full glass in front of them and so often he would find another server and grab enough to restock the table.

James felt extremely rebel- like as he so easily could obtain the alcohol right under his mum’s nose but little did he know that she was keeping a watchful eye on all six teenagers and for once, letting them get a little rowdy. She was just enjoying herself and her friends and family, tonight was not going to be spoilt by any anger or yelling.

They danced and ate some more, then danced and drank some more and two hours into the ball, Loren’s feet were aching and she was a drink past tipsy. So as she walked to bathroom to freshen up and powder her nose, she barely noticed the eyes that were watching her from the dark corridor.

As Loren opened the door, she was greeted with a squeal from her new friend Alice. “Oh Loren, you look absolutely lovely and not to get right to the gossip before a proper hello but Sirius looked like he was ready to devour you right then and there!” Alice shuffled over to Loren in a midnight blue gown, enclosing her in a tight hug.

“I’ll tell you all about it, Alice but first I have to pee, too much champagne in too little time and I think my bladder may explode.” Loren giggled and went into a stall, amazed that the Potter’s even thought to magic the bathroom to hold more people.

“Pee and tell, Loren dear!”

“I really don’t know what to say. All of it happened quickly and I had no idea that it would. One second I was making my way in, hoping that nobody noticed since I was terrified to fall and then everybody was staring and Sirius had stood and made his way over.” Loren smiled to herself and flushed the toilet, straightening her dress. “But I will tell you this, Alice, the look in Sirius’s eyes was enough to make me weak in the knees. The way he was looking at me was so, so alluring. It took me so much effort to not just shag him right then and there.”

Loren knew the champagne was making her talk and speak her mind but for tonight she was fine with feeling carefree.

“And did you by any chance notice that Lily apologized to me?” Alice glanced up in the mirror to catch Loren’s eyes. “Probably not because she mouthed it but she did, right at the table.”

Alice did a small, rather girlish hop and leaned on to the sink. “Well tonight seems to be going fabulously for you then, aye? See, like I told you, this break was nothing to be nervous about.”

Loren nodded happily and looked into the mirror, wiping a bit of mascara from under her eyes and applying a little bit of power to her nose to hide the slight sheen that had appeared. Her hair still looked flawless and her dress still beautiful as ever.

“So how is your night, Alice? I’m going to bet my arse that it is going pretty well since one, Frank Longbottom, can’t seem to take his eyes off of you.”

A blush crawled up Alice’s cheeks and a flirtatious smiled appeared on her lips. “You noticed then, did you?” Loren nodded again. “He asked me to marry him, Loren!” Alice exclaimed exuberantly.
Loren blanched for a second, remembering to compose herself quickly. She didn’t want to appear too shocked or mystified. “Alice, you both are so young, though!”

“Oh, I know, Loren. I only agreed as long as he will wait until I am out of Hogwarts and I choose a career but I said yes!” The look of sheer excitement was on Alice’s face and there was no way that Loren could be anything but happy for her friend.

Tonight was a great night for everybody it seemed and the true feel of Christmas was almost overwhelming.

The two girls linked arms and left the loo, walking back into the ball, joining the festivities that were going on but as Loren promised to talk to Alice in a little bit, something caught the corner of her eyes and she whipped her head back.

“I’ll see you later, Al!” Loren cried and walked back out in the foyer, glancing around the corner to catch the back of a person not at all dressed for the night heading out into the yard.

Loren raced after them as quickly as she could in her heels and made her way outside into the cold weather. She seen the person slip into the snow dusted garden and took a quick turn, taking a path to cut them off at Christmas light covered bushes.

“Sebastian? Sebastian, is that you?” Loren stopped short of knocking into Sebastian and crossed her arms, trying to suppress the goose flesh that had bitten at her arms in the cold air.

Sebastian looked up; looking like a young boy caught doing something naughty. “Sebastian, what are you doing here?” Loren’s boyfriend opened his mouth but no words came out.

“Sebastian… were you… were you watching me? I thought I seen somebody when I went into the bathroom but I wasn’t sure. Was it you?” Loren was in disbelief that her boyfriend would crash the Potter’s ball just to spy on her.

Then and only then did she realize that he must have been watching her to make sure she behaved herself. He was keeping a close eye on her and he had gone to the most extreme measure.

“Sebastian, did you really come all the way out here to check up on me and watch me from dark corridors?”

Loren looked at his face for the first time which up until then had been shadowed by the dark of night. “Sebastian, what on earth happened to your face?”

“My face?” Sebastian replied, attempting a hint of nonchalance.

“Yes, Sebastian, your face. Seeing as your nose normally doesn’t bend to the right the way it is and I think I would have noticed a large black and blue birthmark four months ago, what happened to your face?”

“I fell… and hit it on my father’s writing desk.”

“You fell on a desk and broke your nose?” Loren knew that her skepticism was very vibrant in her words but she hardly cared.

Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck, tilting his face away from his girlfriend. “Well no, I was more like dropped on a desk with a mixture of fell on a desk.”

“You were dropped on a desk? What the fuck, Seb?” Loren shivered in the cold wind and placed a hand to his bruised face, felling the bumps that had bloomed underneath his olive skin.

“It’s a lot to explain but I’m sure you’ll know soon enough. Now, can we just drop it, that isn’t why I came here.” Sebastian placed a warm hand over her cold one and squeezed her fingertips.

“Fine, but I expect to know sooner or later. So I’ll ask once more, did you come here to check up on me?”

“No, Loren! That wasn’t it. I just came to say…” Sebastian stopped unsure of the words he was planning on speaking.

“To say what, Sebastian?” Impatience colored her words and she tried not to tap her foot.

“I just wanted to say sorry, Loren. I needed to apologize.”

“For what, Sebastian?” Loren asked.

“Right now, it’s not important. I’ve done a lot of shitty things, Loren. I truly have but believe me I am going to make up for it. I’m going to change things.

Loren raised a brow questioningly and knew that now was a better time than ever. Now was the moment that she took things into her own hands. “Sebastian, this isn’t working.” Loren muttered.

“I know it isn’t.” He nodded and took one of Loren’s hands. “I know it isn’t and that’s my fault as well.

Loren shook her head, tears springing to her eyes though Loren wasn’t sure she was even upset. “No, Sebastian, it isn’t just your fault. It was both of us. You and I together made this relationship and you and I together tore it apart. I know that and you need to know it, too.” Loren squeezed the hand he had placed in hers.

“Listen to me, I’m so sorry that I didn’t say it earlier but this has changed, I’ve certainly changed and maybe you have, too. There’s nothing we can do to change that and for four months now we have been working at making our relationship something more than it ever was. Don’t get me wrong, Seb, please. I cared for you so much, I think I truly did love you but for some reason it didn’t stay that way. I kept going because sometimes I needed you more than I needed air to breathe and that was wrong of me. Truly so wrong.” The tears had started splashing down Loren’s face and she didn’t even attempt to wipe them away.

“Sometimes I could barely stand your presence and then others, well others it was as if you were the only thing keeping me going. The moment you told me that you loved me; it changed me and made me beautiful. You helped me grow and taught me to share my heart and to trust in my decisions, no matter the consequence but now things are different and if we kept this going, we would just keep hurting the other.” Loren looked up and noticed the tears that had started to crawl done his cheeks as well.

“I have never left caution to the wind or just let things happen but with you, I had no choice. I let everything go to care and love you. It felt so right at the time but now, it feels differently and I think you know that, too.”

Sebastian nodded and wiped Loren’s tears, placing his hands on her waist. “Lor, I have loved you so much and so intensely, sometimes it scared me so much but I never wished it to stop. It hasn’t stopped even now that I know how you feel and I have a feeling that it never will stop. I know things have changed and I don’t blame you for this. I don’t blame you for feeling differently. I just need you to know that I will love you every moment of my life until the day that I die, no matter what happens because you made me better. You showed me the real meaning of good.” Loren nodded, slightly confused.

“I know you don’t understand what I mean now and I’m not sure you ever will but I’m hoping that you will know. I’m hoping that you will understand what I mean soon and all I ask when you find out is that you not hate me. Please, Loren, please never hate me. And please” Sebastian pressed, “Please forgive me for the stupid and careless things I have done. I have loved you so much in such a short period of time. You make me better, Loren Evans and even now you will continue to make me better.” Sebastian leaned down and placed a kiss to Loren’s lips, hugging her tightly, taking a last deep breath to remember her scent and kissed her cheek one last time to remember the feel of her skin.

Sebastian turned to leave, letting go of the only thing that had been able to light his life since his mother left. “Loren?” Loren made a small noise for him to continue on. “Please, be happy” Loren nodded, starting to speak but he cut her off. “No, Loren, be happy. Be happy with Sirius.”

And with that, Sebastian turned, snow crunching under his feet. Suddenly Loren felt so alone, she felt like she letting go of a security blanket. “I’ll be seeing you, Seb!” She called, almost pleading for a little more time to make things right.

“I don’t think you will, Loren.” Sebastian muttered and with that the dark consumed him, leaving nothing behind but an icy wind and a heart that was not broken but chipped for Loren to figure out.

Tears poured down Lor’s cheeks, leaving cold trails. She knew she was probably ruining her makeup all to hell but she didn’t care because for some reason, this hurt more than she ever believed it would. For the past few weeks, she had been so ready to give Sebastian the boot that she didn’t realize how much it would really hurt to no longer call him her boyfriend anymore.

She had spent the day thinking about Sirius, hell, she had spent so much of her time and life thinking about Sirius but that didn’t stop the love that she knew she had felt, if only for a short period of time, for Sebastian. He was like a floatation device that had been thrown to her and the best time but she grew greedy and took advantage of that protection and she ended up here. Standing outside in the cold winter air, in a ball gown, crying her eyes out because she hadn’t loved her first love properly and that, too, was heartbreaking.

After composing herself the best that she could, Loren ventured back into the ball, heading straight for the bathroom to check her makeup and wash her hands in warm water to possibly head off the frost bite that she was almost positive had found her fingers in the time she spent outside.

Loren looked into the mirror, shocked that her makeup had barely moved but extremely pleased with Millie for being a miracle worker. Sticking her hands in the sink of water that normally would burn her skin, Loren let a sigh out. Tonight had been, if not anything else, crazy.

Behind her a stall opened and a redheaded girl popped out, realizing who she was sharing the bathroom with. “Loren, what’s wrong?” Lily asked, alarmed at the scene she just met.

Loren mentally cursed herself, angry for not checking to make sure she was alone before coming into the loo. Shaking her head, Loren made to dry her hands and leave but her cousin gripped her elbow, turning to face one another.

“Loren, please. I know it will take you some time to forgive me but I really am sorry and don’t tell me nothing is wrong, I know you far better than that.” Lily bite her lip, pleading with Loren to know that she truly was so sorry for the way she had acted over the past few weeks.

Loren wasn’t sure what to say to her cousin. It wasn’t that she didn’t forgive Lily or that she was still angry, the problem was that what was paining her now was what started the fight with Lily to begin with and Loren didn’t want to fuel the fire. “Loren, you can tell me anything.”
Loren decided that if she truly was going to forgive Lily then now was the best time to test the waters. “I broke up with Sebastian” Lor blurted out, waiting for the anger to start.

“Well, why are you upset if you broke up with him?” Lily asked complete confusion on her face but not a sign of anger anywhere to be found on her sharp features.

“It isn’t that we aren’t together anymore. It’s just… I feel like he was saying goodbye.” Loren hadn’t dared even think it to herself, afraid that what she assumed was the truth.

“Well wouldn’t he be saying goodbye?” Lily was trying her hardest to understand but even when they were closer, Loren was like a book she had never read and as there were few books that Lily hadn’t read, it was all very new to her.

Loren fidgeted her hands, trying to explain what she meant. She wanted Lily to understand the conflict that was playing in her own mind. “It was like he knew he would never see me again.” Loren finished.

Lily nodded, finally getting to the chapter that Loren was on. “Well I’m sure that isn’t true, Loren. I doubt he meant that. I’m sure he is just hurt and confused, he didn’t know what else to say.” Lily leaned in, hugging her cousin tightly. Remembering how much shorter the girl was and how small she always felt in her arms. “Now let’s get back to the ball, there isn’t much time left and I think you need some happiness in you.” Lily poked Loren’s side and ushered her from the bathroom.

As the two girls made their way into the room, Mrs. Potter announced that it was going to be the last dance of the night. Clapping her hands together, she pulled Mr. Potter closer to her. “Now if you haven’t already danced tonight, I urge you to greatly because if you didn’t know, dancing does indeed make the soul lighter!” and with that the orchestra started a beautiful melody and person after person pulled a partner to the large dance floor and began a slow waltz, their energy now lacking from the long night they had endured.

James came towards the girls, swaying a little bit from the glasses of champagne that he had lost count of. Smiling widely, he grasped Lily’s hands and pulled her to the floor, twirling her around, earning a hearty laugh from Lily.

Well so much for the night ending well, Loren thought. Now she was going to watch couples, filled with happiness dancing in each other’s arm. Swigging down a glass of champagne that had been left at her table, Loren felt hopeless.

She watched Mr. and Mrs. Potter twirl, Ava and Remus sway, Lily and James dip and Alice and Frank spin, happy with the night and the love they shared evident on their faces.

“This calls for another flute of champagne.” Loren announced to nobody and stood to find a server. As she turned to check the room, she smacked right into another person.

“No, I think this calls for a dance.” Sirius replied, taking Loren’s hand and guiding her to the dance floor. No more words were exchanged but it was a comfortable silence that Loren welcomed.

Sirius placed his hand on her waist, the other tangled with her fingers and as the music played they danced. Their bodies touching and their hearts beating together, this was a moment that Loren never would want to miss.

Although sadness seemed to flow in Loren’s heart another feeling was mingling with it, the feeling of peace that she rarely ever had. She was at peace with her life, maybe not with the fear that she had for Sebastian but her life seemed okay in this moment.

Laying her head down on Sirius’s chest and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she listened to the steady beat of his heart.


After the ball ended and everybody said their goodbyes, Loren had fell into bed, hair still pinned up and dress still on. A deep slumber met Loren and dreams filled with Sebastian walking into the darkness and Sirius taking his place, reaching for her hand woke her on Christmas morning.

After a breakfast that surely was made for a small army was finished, coffee was poured into their cups. Well, so far James had finished a cup and was on his second after complaining about a “sodding hangover”.

Everybody was sore, full and lacking the energy for present opening but since it was Christmas, they dished out their last ounce of whatever was keeping them going and tore into the brightly wrapped gifts, piles of presents becoming larger and larger as the stack under the tree become smaller and smaller.

Loren received books and boxes of candies, coloring changing quills from Remus and a snitch that opened for notes that could only be opened by her and James. From Mr. Potter she got a new gold cauldron and from Mrs. Potter a beautiful silk scarf from France.

As she looked around, she realized she was the last one to have presents left to open and so hurriedly, she tore into red paper, revealing a book from her parents on water manipulators and how to better control the power. Smiling to herself, more to the fact that her parents were obviously safe than the actual book itself, Loren tore into the next gift.

A small velvet box met her hands and Loren opened it in wonderment. Inside sat a beautiful gold band ring with a cluster of milky, pure pearls. Loren knew at once who it was from and her heart gave a small pitter patter. She glanced over at Sirius who winked at her and quickly looked back to James who was trading him Chocolate Frogs for Acid Pops.

The ring matched Loren’s ball gown so well it was shocking. She wondered how on earth he had gotten her the ring when he had just seen her dress last night and Loren realized that Sirius was good at making things happen, he was very good at making her smile, too.

Slipping the ring on her finger, a small nudge met her side and she glanced over at Lily who was looking from Loren, to the ring, to Sirius, questioningly. Loren nodded once and pulled Lily from her spot to go renew their mug of coffee, wrap up in layers and have a long chat outside. They needed to catch up very much.


Within the blink of an eye, the friends’ break passed faster than any of them could believe and the last event they had before many days of catching up on sleep, homework and packing their trunks was the New Year’s Eve party. Although they were more than excited about the non-chaperoned event and the chance to just be teenagers with a bunch of other teenagers, they were all excited to be returning to school because for once, things finally seemed to be returning to normal for all of them, especially Loren.

Laying across her bed, eyes heavy and body yearning for sleep, Loren glanced at the clock. It was barely two in the afternoon and she was already ready for bed. Tomorrow was the second party in a week and Loren grew exhausted at the thought.

As she fingered the pearl ring that sat on her finger, Loren wondered how things had changed so much in such a small amount of time. She had owled Sebastian at least ten times since the party but she had yet to speak to him and although her and Sirius had barely shared more than a few words since last week, the smiles and winks she kept receiving and the faith she had in Sebastian kept her happy for the time being and that was all she could ask.

A small tapping made Loren jump and sit up quickly. At the window was a gold fleck, flitting back and forth, tapping every few seconds. Loren stood, confused as to why there was a snitch at the window but realized quickly that it was the snitch that James had gotten her for Christmas. Crossing the room to open the window, Loren let the snitch in and grabbed it from the air. Placing a finger to the opening, she waited for the clasp to pop open.

Pulling a small note from the inside crevice, she unraveled the now very wrinkled note and read the few words on the page.

“Come to my room please.

Loren sighed, lobbing the note into the trash bin and slipping the snitch into her bedside drawer she left her room, slowly walking down the halls, wishing very much that she was still nestled into her bed.

As she made her way to James door, she could hear the voices of more than one boy in the room and wondered what on earth she was needed for and what she was going to meet when she opened the door.

Knocking once on the thick wood door, she turned the handle and slipped into the room. Sitting on the bed was James and Remus and lying across the floor was Sirius.

Noticing Loren standing in the room, Sirius smiled and winked at her, his new daily, well almost hourly, routine. Realizing now that there was no room for her to plop down on the bed, she instead plopped to the floor, leaning back on her hands.

Sirius shook his head at the young girl and slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her over to sit by his side.

Loren’s heart flipped and she scooted into Sirius’s arms a little bit more. “Alright” she announced, “Why did you call be down here?” Patience really wasn’t a strong suit of Loren’s.

Each of the boys looked from one another and wondered who was going to speak first and what exactly they would stay. A nervous feeling filled the room and Loren’s anxiety crept high in her chest, making her want to cling to Sirius. So deciding now that it was a better time than any to say screw it to her self-control, Loren stretched her body out and cuddled into Sirius’s side, laying her head down on his chest and listening to the welcoming sound of his heart.

An almost instant calm met her and put her anxiety at bay as the rhythmic thump, thump helped her brain to not flit from terrifying thought to terrifying though. “Well?” She pressed, deciding it was best to just get whatever had to be said out of the way instead of sitting in a room where a tense feel was slowly starting to flood the room. Loren was scared that if they all just kept sitting there in silence that they would all be drowned.

Remus sighed, rubbing his face. “I think you’re up, Prongs, mate.” Sirius nodded from underneath Lor and James rolled his eyes, annoyed that he was being elected for the position of spokesperson but being that it was his decision to tell her, he knew that this probably was his job more than anybody else’s.

So gaining a courage that he didn’t have moments before, James opened his mouth waiting for the words to come out. As the seconds ticked by and James’ mouth remained open but nothing seemed to come out, the words had seemed to get caught in his throat.

“James?” Loren asked, sitting up quickly, afraid that the tension had already gotten to him and started suffocating him. James raised a hand, silencing her, as well as letting her know he was fine.

“Mate, just spit it out. It won’t be any easier in five minutes.” Sirius pulled Loren back down to his side as he spoke to his best friend, giving him a look to reassure him.

James rolled his eyes at Sirius but appreciated his attempt more than he could understand and he internally reminded himself to give Sirius a pat on the back and a go on his new broom later that night as a thank you for being such a great best mate.

“Alright, alright, I’m going. You all are too sodding impatient. I was merely collecting my thoughts.” Classis James Potter, make them laugh and everything will be okay.

“James!” They all yelled at the raven haired boy as their patience was wearing thin quicker than ever.

James really was going to give each of them a good thump on the head if they didn’t just shut it and give the poor guy a break. Chucking a pillow at Remus and then one at Sirius, effectively hitting both him and Loren at the same time, James continued on.

“Loren” James pressed, this time the words slipping out easily. “Have you ever heard of the Order of The Phoenix?”


A/N- Well there you are, my loves! This is my longest chapter to date, 10,000 words! I hope everybody enjoyed this and with that being said, drop me a review. I’d love to know who’s sticking with me and also if anybody has been there since the birth of this story!

Let me know your favorite parts and the parts that you wished hadn’t happened!

Chapter 29: Breaking Point
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“Sooner or later, you’re gonna hate it.
Go ahead and throw your life away.
Driving me under, leavin’ me out there
Go ahead and throw your life away.”

Sooner or Later, Breaking Benjamin


“Bastian, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like, Ben?” Sebastian pulled clothing from his chest of drawers and shoved them into a duffle bag.

Benjamin pulled the bag from his younger brother’s grip and set it on the floor behind him. “It looks to me like you’re running away, mate.”
Sebastian grabbed back his bag angrily; Ben was clearly treading on thin ice. “I’m not fucking running away, nor am I your mate!” He hissed.

Ben nodded, not upset by his brother’s words. “Then what are you doing, Bas?” He grabbed an armful of his brother’s clothing and stuffed it into the bag that was now on the bed.

“I’m fixing what I’ve broken, no matter what dear old father wants of me. Just because you two are going to kiss his ass and bury your heads in dark magic doesn’t mean that I’m going to as well!”

Ben sighed, stretching across Sebastian’s bed and rubbing his face. “Bas, we aren’t kissing his ass and we certainly aren’t burying our heads in any magic accept for good.”

Sebastian stopped packing momentarily and glanced at his brother, curious. Masking his features, Sebastian rolled his bright eyes. “I’m sure you’re not, Ben. Being in cahoots with Voldemort is for the good of the world, aye?”

Ben stretched out again, his patience never faltering. He was the compassionate one. “Sebastian, I’m... “ he stopped momentarily, “we aren’t in cahoots with Voldemort.” He mimicked his fingers into quotation marks and sat up quickly.

Rolling his eyes again, Sebastian continued to shovel more clothing into his bag. “You’re going to tell me that you, father and Thomas aren’t working for Him? God, mum would be so ashamed.” Shaking his head, Sebastian hastily sipped up his duffel.

Reaching forward, Ben snatched the bag from his brother’s grasp and threw it behind the behind. “Sebastian! I can’t speak for Father but I certainly can and will speak for me and Tom! And don’t you tell me mum would be ashamed, mum is dead!”

Sebastian stopped, all air leaving his lungs, pressure building around his chest like a vice. His voice was no more than a whisper, “What do you mean mum is dead?” Fear was pulling at Sebastian’s mind. His mum left, he knew that but her being dead? Now where was his hope- truthfully he always hoped she would come back, he always wondered if she flitted back and forth here and there to see how her boys had grown. Now what was he supposed to believe?

“Mum didn’t leave, Seb! Voldemort killed her! He fucking killed her in cold blood.” Ben’s voice shook with each word he spoke. “He wanted us! He wanted dad! How powerful would he look if he could even convince the best of families to join him? He knew that mum was what kept us together and kept dad good! Without her, dad became a shell of a man and like putty; he became exactly what Voldemort wanted of him! Mum would roll over in her grave.” Ben pulled at his hair and for a moment, Sebastian could see in his brother, himself.

Blood boiled through Sebastian’s veins, it burnt throughout his body and started a fire somewhere deep inside of him. His mother was gone, she had missed out on so much, and she hadn’t been there to see him grow, to see him become the person he was. Had she been there, everything would be different. For a moment, Sebastian was reminded of the way he had felt days before- if his mother was around now, he would truly love Loren.

“You’re telling me Voldemort killed mum and yet dad is too keen on joining his flanks!”

“No, I’m telling you that Voldemort killed mum and Dad is joining his flanks because he has no idea that mum is dead, let alone murdered by Voldemort! It’s not knowledge that anybody is really supposed to have.”

Sebastian sank on to the bed, his elbows resting on his knees, he hands shakily running through his hair every so often. “How do you even know then?”

Ben stood, walking briskly to the door and closing it quietly. “Bas, little brother, listen to me. Have you ever heard of the Order of The Phoenix?”

“I- the what?” Sebastian paused, glancing over to look at his older brother. “No, I don’t believe I have?” The question hung in the air, the elephant in the room.

“The Order was organized by Dumbledore. It’s a group of people, well a group of witches and wizards with one common goal… We want to stop Voldemort.” Sebastian starred at his brother, confusion painting a frown onto his face.

“Seb, if he gets what he is aiming for, there is no point in being alive. We don’t have royalty in the wizarding world for a reason; we simply have a government to give us something to live by. If Voldemort has enough followers then he is going to flush out the half-bloods and the muggleborn. He will kill those who don’t believe in his ways and anybody who may doubt him, if only for a moment. He is going to make life a living hell… or maybe even worse.”

Of course Sebastian had known most of this. Why else would Voldemort have wanted Loren and her family? They were muggles, well most of them. The children, three out of the four of Loren’s generation were muggle born. Sebastian’s head snapped up. “I can’t believe I did this.”

Shaking his head, tears threatened to fall, pricking intensely. “I was setting Loren up just so Voldemort could kill one damn family because they are muggles. Just because they weren’t all born the way he believed they should be.” Tears slipped easily down Sebastian’s cheeks and it scared him, his emotions were so out of control lately. Anger, fear, hate…. He couldn’t even account for how he was feeling because it was all so out of his hands.

Ben rubbed his younger brother’s shoulder consolingly. “Bas, didn’t you know what you were really getting yourself into?” Sebastian shook his head, knowing he had to take full responsibility for what he did; he had made his own choices. “No, I don’t think you did know.” Ben replied quietly.

“Bastian, Voldemort didn’t want to solely kill the Evans family… he wanted to use them first and then kill them. “

“Use them for what? Only Loren, her brother and her cousin Lily are Wizards, the rest of her family is just muggles…” Sebastian’s mind was reeling. Thoughts shot through his mind. What did Voldemort want with them? To make them an example, Sebastian decided, that was the only possible explanation.

Shaking his head, Ben stood, stretching his back and pacing, unsure of what to say to even being explaining what was really going on to his younger brother. The pain was so evident on Sebastian’s face, and Ben was unsure if he could even put him through anymore that night, let alone in his lifetime.

“Benny, please just tell me. Everything has already happened. Everything is already in motion, no point in not telling me what I was really doing to Loren and her family.” A softness hung around Sebastian’s hazel eyes and in that moment, anybody who knew their mother, would recognize that look.

“Have you ever heard of water manipulators?”

“Yeah, I s’pose. Their rare, though, right? Like metamorphigus, right?” Sebastian truly had no clue where this conversation was going in kin to Loren.

“Yeah, Bas. They’re rare, only a few living families left out there. Most don’t practice; most don’t even know how to channel their gift since there isn’t anybody to teach them with the families dying out. If you’ve at all listened to your history teacher, you’ll know that when the worlds were forming, there was a war- one like never witnessed before. Well it was creature against creature- Giants, Centaurs, Vampires, Mer-People… So many creatures fighting against one another to show that they should be the leader of the magic world. Well of course, Wizards and witches were involved and so were Water Manipulators. At that time, they weren’t so rare, though. Families upon families possessed the ability to control water and while the rest of the creatures fought one another and slowly became diminishing in size, the Wizards and Water Manipulators figured out that they were more powerful together.
“At that time there was no mixes. Nobody possessed both the gift of magic and water and so they changed that. They came together to rein over every other and the power they had was nothing you could hold a candle to. As the fight continued some families survived but what they found out was that although they possessed a power unlike any other, especially combined with the ability to use a wand- was that only one child in each given family was able to work with water. That was nothing to worry about, though. Even if brothers and sisters couldn’t both have the ability, multiple cousins could. Worry them not, they continued to fight, sacrificing a few family members here and there wouldn’t stop them… well so they thought.”

Sebastian listened with eager ears, his bottom sliding closer and closer to the edge of the bed in anticipation of his brother’s story.
“What they didn’t know until it was much too late was that the oldest living family member that possessed the ability of water control also possessed the key to all of the others that shared their power, the “Holder”, if you will. When they were to pass, the matriarchy or patriarchy would be passed down to the next in line and with that the ability for the surviving and future generations. The only exception was murder…” Ben became quiet and still. His eyes bore into Sebastian’s where so many questions hide.

“If the Holder was murdered then the power died with them. There wouldn’t be a drop left in the entire family, nor would the next generation see the ability in themselves.”

Sebastian nodded. “So is that why they are so rare now? In the war, they weren’t protecting the Holder in each family. So many families must have lost their abilities because of their ignorance and fight for power. “

“Exactly. Now the few families who still are around don’t flaunt their power because it can so easily be ripped away. It’s a very valuable power to hold, a very powerful gift. Voldemort wants to reenact the war that happened so long ago, except he wants the control. He wants to use the families for his own advancement and then once they have served their purpose, he can so easily put an end to them. It would be the ultimate rise to power.” Ben sat back on to the bed and began fiddling with a stray thread on the hem of his shirt.

“How many families do you know of now that Voldemort is after?” The question slipped from Sebastian’s lips like a puff of smoke, flowing smoothly through the air.

“Three or four we know should still be around but most of the history has been covered up and changed. We only know certainly of one family.”

“Who?” Sebastian asked, afraid of the answer. He was afraid to know the name of the family that was being targeted, ready like pigs at slaughter.

“Haven’t you figured it out for yourself yet?” Ben turned to his brother, grasping his forearm tightly.

Sweat beaded on Sebastian’s brow. “Figured it out? What do you-“ Fear engulfed his heart. “Who, Ben? Which family?” Adrenaline spiked through his blood.

“The Evans.” Benjamin answered.

It only took two words. Two words and Sebastian’s world crashed around him. Splinters from his once whole life cut into his skin, exposing his veins and insides. His whole world lay around him and all there was left was him. It was only Sebastian. It was only him and the broken pieces that his choices caused. Fear was replaced by anger and anger was replaced by hatred and for once in so long, Sebastian wanted to feel this hatred. Standing quickly, Sebastian bounded toward his desk, grabbing a quill and parchment; he took a few moments to write a letter. Sebastian took a few moments to himself, letting the fear take over quickly for the last time. He folded the parchment and sealed it.
“Ben, you’re in this Order thing with Thomas?” His brother nodded once.
“Good. I need you to do something for me.” Sebastian was stuffing if possible, more items into his bag.

“Of course, anything, Bas!” Ben answered quickly, slightly surprised.

“I need you to keep Loren’s family safe.” Slinging the bag over his shoulder, he hastily hugged his brother.

Benjamin knew not to argue. “Of course, Sebastian. I swear I will.” Sebastian nodded and grabbed the letter, making his way to his fireplace, grabbing a handful of floo powder. “Wait, Bas! Where are you going?” Bounding forward, Ben grabbed his younger brother’s arm, pulling him into the center of the room.

“I’m going to do what I should have been doing all along. I’m going to keep Loren safe.”

Ben nodded solemnly, feeling nothing but pride and angst for his brother. There was no point in trying to stop him; there was no point in keeping him from truly being the person that there mother raised. Grabbing Sebastian, Ben wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tightly. “I love you, Bas.”

Sebastian ignored the pull of sadness at his heart and squeezed his older brother back. “I love you, too, Ben. Tell Thomas I love him and Father as well.”

Sebastian turned back to the fireplace, stopping to look at his brother once more. “Oh and please, find a way to give this to Loren if anything were to happen to me.”

Handing the sealed letter to Benjamin, Sebastian stepped into the fire, speaking out his destination and was gone in a swirl of green smoke and a dusting of ash.

Watching his brother go, Benjamin crossed the room, planning to go talk to Professor Dumbledore.

As he went, walking quickly through the dark halls, he didn’t take notice to the young man basking in the shadows, his white blonde hair glowing in the lack of light.

Lucius Malfoy crept back into the shadows, having heard all that had went on between the brothers. Turning on the spot, he apparated with a split second ‘crack’, making plans to retell the information he had just learned.


“The Phoenix what?” Loren sat up, pulling out of Sirius’s arms, scratching her head lightly; a perfect look of innocence clouding her face.

“The Order of The Phoenix, Loren.”

“I don’t think so. Should I know what that is?”

“Well maybe… Loren, it’s a group of people that are working their asses off to stop Voldemort and his followers.”

Loren’s eyes widened slightly at his name. This was real, she realized, he had followers and needed to be stopped. He was an actual threat. “What does Voldemort want?” The naïve question slipped from Loren’s lips before she could stop it. She already knew the answer but she needed the clarification. She needed to know that her thoughts weren’t only anxiety. She needed to know that her nightmares weren’t just scary dreams.

James closed his eyes, fear clearly displayed for the rom to see before a hard façade took its place. “He… he wants to eliminate anybody who isn’t worthy of this world. He wants to kill muggles and muggle borns, half breeds and half-bloods. He only wants those around him too scared to say no and too stupid to realize that just because they have two magic parents doesn’t make them any better than any others.” A blaze of anger light up James Potter’s eyes.

“So this is all over pure blood mania? This is all because somebody wasn’t born into the “right” family.” Panic rose in Loren’s throat. What about her and Lily? Well she already knew what was to come of each of them. Their power was useful if not necessary to Voldemort. They would be used, abused and then their lives would be taken away from them as if they never existed.

“Loren, I know that it’s hard to wrap your mind around. Believe me, I’ve been trying for weeks now but listen to me, Dumbledore thinks we can stop this. It can only be dark for so long, you know? If there’s enough light, the dark will never stand a chance. We can fix this, Loren.”

Loren blanched momentarily. Bile was coating the back of her throat, burning her esophagus and suffocating her. What did James mean, what was he saying to her? “James… what do you mean by “we can fix this?”

Sirius sighed and Remus rolled his eyes. James had obviously said too much and Loren was feeling left out, even with this overload of information.

James shook his head for a moment, clearing his mind and cleaning back on to his headboard. “Loren, I mean we can fix this. Our generation can do something to fix this and well, I’m not planning to sit back and just watch.”

“Me either.” Replied Remus.

“Personally, I look better when I’m doing something rather than sitting back on my arse.” Sirius winked, an attempt to lighten the mood failing miserably.

The suffocation gripped at Loren, it’s hands cold and clammy, dragging her down and threatening to press her eyes close and take her conscious. She was going to pass out, she could feel the familiar spell of dizzy washing over her and the blackness was starting to close in.
Sirius stood, puling Loren up by her arms. “Loren, breathe!” Loren could feel Sirius’s arms encompassing her but she couldn’t hear the words that he was speaking loudly at her.

“Loren, please!” Sirius pushed her on to the bed and reached for his wand.

“Augamenti!” He said, a stream of water splashing into her face and dripping from her fringe.

Loren coughed, spluttering water from her mouth. Shaking the water from her eyes, the cold seeping into her skin.

“Loren, talk to me please!”

“You’re going to fucking get yourself killed! You are going to die!” Loren screeched, startling the three boys.

A small chuckle reverberated around the room, flowing from one young man to the other. At once all three boys hugged Loren, the water that was dripping down her face now soaking into their shirts.
“She’s okay!” James chanted.

“Seems to be that way, Prongs!” Remus smiled.

“Yeah, my same old Loren.” Sirius’s hand cupped Loren’s cheek and he planted a small kiss to her damp forehead.

An eruption of butterflies flooded Loren’s stomach before she smacked the back of their head.

“No! I. Am. Not. Okay. With. This.” She hissed each word.

James smiled, squeezing his almost little sister tightly, “Loren, The Order needs you. What do you say?”

And before anybody could figure out what was happening, Loren blacked out, the anxiety too much.



A/N- Hey all! So this is short but it was only meant as a filler. Not much to say really. So any thoughts?

Chapter 30: Truth or Dare
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Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?
Oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you or whisper in your ear?
Oh, just stop right there, I think that we’ve got something here.

Staplegunned, The Spill Canvas.


Loren stepped into the game room in the lower floor of the Potter’s home. The bass from the music alive under her feet and the pulsing strobe light bouncing off of the bodies that danced before her. The lights gleamed against the glitter that was inlaid in her mask and cast a haze in her peripheral vision. All around her the party was in full swing, a warm and tipsy stupor exuding off of the teenagers in the room.

The heady scent of sweat and alcohol clung to every surface of the room, creating a blanket that covered everyone.

Everybody was dancing to the fast paced music but the effect of the strobe light changed their movements slow and choppy. It was something that Loren had never experienced and it was almost intoxicating just watching the scene that sat under her emerald gaze.

Loren wore a dress that looked to be almost a two part blouse and skirt set. The top was a nude color, only offering one flowing ¾ sleeve and a neckline that fell at a dramatic angle, dipping underneath her armpit opposite the flowing sleeve. Right underneath her ribcage the skirt of the dress started. Stretching over the curve of her bum and hips, the skirt seemed metallic; bronze and silver sequins overlapped one another in alternating stripes of each color. Truth be told, Loren felt a tad self-conscious in this dress but Alice assured her that Sirius’s eyes would be all over her, even if he couldn’t recognize her because of the mask and really, what did Loren know to argue with that logic?

On her feet, she wore extremely high bronze pumps, giving her short legs a very believable illusion of length. That, combined with the short hem of her dress, would have her Father rethinking his anti muggle firearm stance.

Loose curls cascaded down Loren’s back and tonight she opted for very dramatic makeup. Deep gold colors highlighted her eyes and she had magicked her eyelashes longer and thicker than her normal length. The masquerade mask she wore was simple, bronze with silver details glimmering intricately around the eye holes.

Loren was dressed to kill. In fact, she was so high-strung at the moment that she just might end up killing, literally. James or Sirius or even Remus. Actually, at this point, she was planning to think seriously about killing anybody that even uttered the word "order" or "phoenix".

She rolled her eyes under the mask and dove in the throng of people, warm bodies brushed into her and some girls assuming she was just another friend gyrated their hips into hers. Shaking them off, Loren made her way to the table of drinks, hastily picking up a Fire Whiskey and downing it in one very unlady-like gulp. The warmth of the liquid flooded her belly and spread to every limb of her body, instantly calling for another drink to stoke the fire that started.

Swigging down another drink, Loren slipped back into the crowd, looking eagerly for a face she could recognize but with the mix of poor lighting and glinting masks, it was a hard task.

Finally, she found the unmistakable red mane that belonged to her cousin. Grasping her upper arms, Loren flipped her around, eyes scanning over the deep red dress that clung to Lily’s frame and a black lace mask that covered most of her face. “Lily!” Loren bellowed over the music that pumped from the speakers a few feet beside her. A wide, white-toothed smile spread across Lily’s face and she threw her arms around Loren, pulling her farther from the speaker. “Oh, Loren, you look so hot! When did you grow up?” Lily giggled and blushed, alcohol obviously spreading through her system, vein by vein.

“Thanks, Lily!” Sarcasm dripped from Loren’s words and she poked her tongue out mockingly.

“What have you been doing, Lor?” Lily swatted away a young girl who shimmied into her side and pulled herself up to full height, still towering over Loren in her heels.

Loren showed Lily the red plastic cup in her hand. “Well drinking! Two Fire Whiskeys and whatever this shit is. I’m aiming to lose count of the many people who have shoved their privates into my hip or arse!”

Lily snorted and tugged at Loren’s arm, leading her back to the alcohol table, which earlier had been looking a bit empty was now overflowing with cups of different colors and smells and bottles so full that the seals hadn’t even been broken.

“Here! Try this!” Lily pulled a bottle of clear, still liquid from the supple supply. Pouring herself and Loren a mouthful, she pushed the miniature cup toward her cousin. “Cheers!” Lily sang and knocked the cup with Loren’s.

Together the girls tipped the contents in their mouths, eyes squinting shut and mouths puckering in protest of the strong drink.

Swallowing quickly, Loren slammed the cup down and wiped away the tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes. “UGH! Lily, what in the name of Merlin’s left pant leg is this?”

Lily swiped her hand across her mouth and smiled, bright-eyed and flushed. “It’s a muggle drink, vodka, I think it’s called. Want another?”
“Lily, it’s ghastly!” Shaking her curls out, Loren pointed to the Fire Whiskey.

“No, no! Just another drink of this and then I’ll have whatever you’d like!” Noticing Loren’s apprehension of the drink, Lily quickly poured them another mouthful, noticeably larger than the last. “Please, just one more, my beautiful cousin!”

Loren sighed, feeling the effects of the muggle drink, feeling the nonexistent haze that had formed a tight hand around her body. Her body urged her hand forward and the small part of her brain that contained her common sense was pushed very far to the back of her skull. “Fine, one more!” Loren replied loudly over the music, holding up a single finger.

Hurriedly clinking her cup to Lily’s, Loren poured the liquid into the back of her throat, holding her breath in a failed attempted to lessen the blow of the Vodka. Gulping it down, Loren breathed in the warm, salty air, once again feeling the flood of warmth start in her belly and leak into the rest of her body. Loren looked over at Lily who was licking her lips and scrunching her nose. “So bad” Lily gasped.

Closing her green eyes, Loren picked out a glass bottle of liquor and broke the aluminum seal, pouring each of them a hearty shot. Shuffling the glass back quickly, Loren relished the cool trail that the drink left in her throat and belly. “It’s cinnamon!” Loren chirped happily, noting the name of the drink before grabbing two flutes of Champagne.

“Very good choice, Loren dear!” Lily sated and took a flute, motioning to the other side of the room. “Would you like to play truth or dare?”
Loren sipped at the drink greedily. If she were to be honest, she was becoming accustomed to the taste. “Isn’t that just a bit…”

“Childish?” Lily finished Loren’s sentence not even waiting for an agreeing nod. “Yep, mhm.”

Loren shrugged, not seeing the harm in the immature game. “Sure!” She replied brightly.

Tottering slightly on her close to five inch heels, Loren clasped hands with an also unsteady Lily. Moving quickly on unsure legs, the girls smiled and giggled at the other girls in the room, wanting desperately for guys to dance with them as they bent low and moved in what they assumed was a provocative manner.

Making their way over to the corner that was layered with oversized bean bags, Lily and Loren flopped down. Glancing around the circle of people, all of them mask-less, Loren shot a tight smile at each of the boys, then a bright smile towards Alice and her boyfriend Frank and then one last strained smile at Ava who had yet to even notice her presence back in their circle of friends. Nodding at a few of the people she recognized from school, Loren sipped some more champagne and removed her mask like everyone else.

“Everybody ready to play?” James called.

“What?” the group called to James, unable to hear his words as they met the lyrics passing into the air.

“Oh, do I have to do everything?” Lily yelled, pulling from the inside seam of her dress, her wand. Wordlessly casting an incantation, Lily flicked her wand.

Instantly Loren could hear the thrum of her heart and rustling of the people beside her. Looking behind her, a giggle bubbled between her lips at the scene of everybody else dancing in the strobe lights, appearing to be dancing to nothing.

“Well that’s much better.” Loren hummed and patted Lily appreciatively on her thigh. “Now we can play! You first, Lily! Truth or dare?”

“What? No, that’s okay! I’m sure somebody else would rather go!” Lily fingered her glass nervously.

“Lily! Truth or dare?” Lily twitched her lips, biting at her lip fiercely.
“Dare!” Lily gasped quickly.

Loren tapped a finger to her chin mockingly and a smug smile crept up her cheeks. “I dare you to…”

Anticipation filled the circle and a tense aura rolled off of Lily. “I dare you to take a body shot off of the person of your choice.”

Several pairs of eyebrows shot up in the group and all eyes glanced from Lily to James in assumption. Lily shook her head fiercely and stood, grabbing a bottle of liquor, stamping back over to her spot.
“Alright, fine!” Lily plopped down and opened the bottle and quickly looked from one face to another, landing on her cousin’s last. “I pick you.” Lily smiled smugly back. “Lay down!”

Cat calls echoed around the group and both Sirius and James came closer to the girls, eyeing them greedily. “You don’t think they’ll really do it, do you?” James whispered feverishly.

“I think so, mate.” Sirius replied, craning his neck further.
Loren leaned back on her elbows and exposed the small dip in the center of her neck. Rolling her eyes at the sight of Sirius, Loren pushed her chest out a bit more, the curve of her body so tangible in her dress.

Lily unscrewed the top of the bottle and measured some of the liquor into a glass and then poured an amber colored drink into the small concave meeting between Loren’s neck and chest.

All at once the guys in the group began chanting. “Go, go, go, go!” Lily regrouped quickly and leaned down sucking the liquid up and lapping whatever she dripped away from the neckline of her cousin’s dress.
Pushing back onto her heels, Lily stood and placed the bottle back on the small table beside the group, winking at James and letting the alcohol take control.

One by one the teenagers had taken their turns.

James had been dared to remove all of his clothing and to Loren’s dismay, she had seen a lot more of her best friend then she ever wished to. Alice divulged that she had lost her virginity to Frank a year ago. Some boy named Ricky had to take a disarming spell without any protection. Sirius was dared to stand on his head while chugging Fire Whiskey through a straw.

Loren had to let Lily pierce the cartilage part of her ear with a thick sewing needle and put in a single diamond from the pair that Lily was wearing. Lily had gotten nervous midway through and just left the needle sticking in Loren’s ear without pushing it all the way through.
Before Lily could regain her confidence, Loren had reached up and pushed the needle through, hearing the small ‘pop’ as the needle broke through her skin.

The always serious Remus had to do his best dog impersonation which was a great laugh between a fair few in the group.

The game had been very harmless at that point. That was, until Ava, who picked truth, was teasingly asked if she loved Remus, her boyfriend of two months or longer, Loren was unsure. Ava’s large eyes widened a small smile played at her lips. “No, not really. I thought I had, though.” And with that she stood and walked out of the circle, stalking to the dance floor and moving her limbs crazily in an attempt to dance.

All eyes flew to Remus who sat stock still, his face betraying nothing. Without any warning, Remus burst into a fit of laughter, doubling over and clutching at his ribs. “Are any of your really surprised by that? It was the Ava way to break up with me.” Slowly laughter filled the group and eventually the whole circle was snorting and cackling some understanding and some too drunk to care.

Again turns were passed through and eventually all attention fell back on Loren, who was now taking a shot whenever somebody gasped at a spoken truth or a wild dare. It was her own personal game to keep her sobriety at bay.

“Loren, truth or dare?” James gulped at his beer and leaned into Sirius lazily.

Having already taken a dare or two that she could remember, Loren decided to change things up. “Truth, James, please.”

James screwed up his eyes in concentration and a look of intense stupidity touched his features. “Ahh, fuck it. I think I’ve run out of good dares. Loren, who was your first snog and when?”

Blanching momentarily, Loren blushed but the alcohol was piloting this plane and so she didn’t notice the set of eyes that pulled at her and the furious shake of Remus’s head.

“So who was it and when, Lor?” James asked again and before Loren could take ahold of the plane’s steering, she proudly exclaimed “Remus, in our third year.”

All at once a flurry of motion happened, Remus smacked his forehead, James started guffawing quite loudly and a very drunk Sirius hit Remus in the jaw.

A collective gasp filled the circle and out of instinct to her new game, Loren took a shot of Fire Whiskey straight from the bottle, thanking the good pants of Merlin that she wasn’t sober.

Loren sure knew how to end a quasi-harmless game.


Having ended the game with a bang, quickly the circle had dispersed and Loren found herself too alive to sit still. So pulling Lily, James, Remus, Alice and Frank on to the dance floor, they all danced to the once again loud, thumping music.

Right after the scuffle, Sirius had disappeared into the crowd and still now was unable to be spotted but Loren was determined to enjoy herself and forget all of this nonsense about the Order of The Phoenix.
Moving her hips and arms to the music, Loren let it fill her. The feeling was close to brimming over and she felt so electric and so ready for anything.

Loren felt so free and so young at that very moment. Nothing could stop her and nothing could hurt her. She was invincible and she was positive that it was the Fire Whiskey and the vodka… and even the champagne taking control of her.

“What time is it?” Loren shouted over the music, scooting through her friends to dance with Remus. He glanced down at his watch and mouthed “11:30”

Loren nodded happily and grabbed his hands, raising theirs together, dancing and moving to beat that bounded through their shoes, to their legs and to the core of their bodies.

Loren twirled and shook her bum, loosing herself in the music. Whether it was a fast or slow song, Loren didn’t care much. She just danced, switching between Remus and James to Lily and Alice and back and forth again and again.

She looked around at each of friends and noticed that they all held their eyes shut and just moved, feeling the music just as much as she had. Realizing then that she couldn’t bear to lose any of them, the idea of them hurt or scared made tears coat her throat and well in her eyes.
The alcohol fought the feeling, pushing it down and making her brave. She would do anything in the world to keep her friends and her family safe. They were all her family and she loved them more than she could ever love another set of people.

She would give her life before seeing theirs taken and although it terrified her, Loren knew that James, Sirius and Remus had the right idea in joining the good side of this oncoming war.

Loren was going to join the Order of the Phoenix, in fact, she knew deep down that she had a while ago.

Trying desperately to ignore her new realization, Loren gulped down another flute of champagne and continued her fervent dancing.
A young boy scrambled through the crowd and tugged at James’ arm. “Mr. Potter, sir?” As if nothing happened, James continued to move against Lily, his arms tight around her waist.

“Mr- Mr. Potter?” The boy asked again. James continued to ignore him.
“James!” Loren snipped and smacked the back of his head! “He’s talking to you.”

James turned and looked down at the boy. “Oh! Seth, good to see you!”

“Mr. Potter, the band Phoenix wants to know what you’d like them to play for the countdown to midnight.”

And because Loren had told herself she would earlier and also because the alcohol was again taking the lead, Loren flared when the boy mentioned the word “Phoenix”. Without a second thought, Loren let go of Remus’s hands and turned, glaring down at the boy.

Without skipping a beat, Loren stomped down on the boy’s foot with her bronze heel and narrowed her eyes. “Go away! Tell them to play whatever they hell they would like and just go.” Loren hissed.
The boy cussed and grabbed his foot in pain.

“Loren?” Lily asked, pulled from her own little world.

Loren sighed, feeling a bit bad at her actions. “Listen, I’m sorry about your foot. It’s just… I made an agreement with myself and well, you are the first to make me have to follow through.”

Nodding quickly, the boy disappeared without another word. Assumedly telling the band that a crazy friend of James’ gave them the go-ahead on whatever they’d like.

Turning back to dance, a strong set of hands wrapped around Loren’s hips from the back. Moving with her, he met every single one her moves with an expert touch. When Loren twirled, his grabbed her hand to lead her. When Loren grinded her hips into him, he pulled her closer. When Loren lifted her arms, he wrapped his hands in hers.

For a split second, Loren had turned her neck to catch a glimpse of the guy she was dancing with but it was to no avail. The stranger wore a silver and black Masquerade mask. There was no glitter or shine to his mask, just a simple, steely mask that covered the guy’s forehead, eyes, nose and cheeks. The only part of his face that Loren could make out were his full, pink lips, stubble covering his chin and his almond shaped eyes. His eyes were the color of liquid steel, or maybe even a deep shade of blue. In the bounce and keen of the lights and the haze clouding her eyes, it was hard for Loren to be sure.

They moved together like they came from the same mold and if anybody could read Loren’s mind, they would know just how much his equal movement with her was turning her on.

Moving with one another, they danced to song after song for what felt like hours. The sexual tension between the two built and built as his hands traveled down her body and he pushed himself harder into her.
The tension between the two partiers was building a bubble around them. Their movements were spontaneous and sure. Their bodies weaved and intertwined.

Wordlessly the stranger pulled Loren into him and planted a soft, needy kiss to her neck, his teeth nipping into his soft flesh. Still moving to the beat, he kept kissing her neck and pulling her from the crowd slowly.

Both James and Remus watched the two move farther on their own. A knowing smile shared between the two Marauders and then they were back to dancing, as if nothing happened.

The stranger brought Loren into the small bathroom that sat next to the game room, having bobbed and weaved with her in his arms, trying to avoid the people in the crowd.

As soon as the door snapped shut, needy mouth met needy mouth. Their kisses were hard and intense, deepening more and more as the seconds ticked by.

A new flame started in Loren’s stomach. It was a fire completely different from the one started by the Fire Whiskey, it was deep and it burned throughout the bottom half of her body.

Moving her hands from his hips, to his chest and eventually to his face, Loren’s fingers found their way over the stubble on his chin and massaged at his cheeks, her lips moving against his and he poked his tongue into her mouth, asking for entrance.

Granting him this, she explored this mystery guy’s mouth and grasped his shoulders. Pulling Loren into him, he picked her up and wrapped her legs around him. Her short skirt bunched around her hips and her lacy nude panties were exposed.

Goose flesh erupted over her body and she clung even harder to the stranger. His hands moved to her bum and his fingers dug into the delicate flesh as he held her up.

Hands traveled and mouths wandered and Loren was in sheer bliss. For a vague moment she wondered if she would be doing this right now had the alcohol not taken over but before she could even care, he kissed down her throat, pushing her blouse down and nipping at her chest, pulling at the cups of her bra with his teeth.

A small groan melted from Loren’s mouth. His lips and teeth made their way up and down her neck and throat, kissing her mouth and eyes, then her nose and the corners of her mouth as well.

It was almost like he was drinking in every single detail of Loren’s face and his hands were mirroring the same motion with her legs and thighs, her back and stomach. He was tracing every single part of her, trying to contain the fire or spread it, Loren couldn’t tell.

Spinning to pin her against the wall, Loren kissed him hungrily, her fingers knotting in his hair, moving to his face again, memorizing every bit of this stranger who was fueling her desire.

She outlined his nose and lips, feather light touches over his neck and unbuttoning the top few buttons of his dress shirt, she let her fingers talk. She wanted to soak him in, to know every bit of him when she really didn’t know him at all.

She moved over the contours of his neck and found a small circular shaped scar on his shoulder. Loren kissed it feverishly and wanted more than nothing to kiss all of his scars, to care for her stranger.

Unwrapping her legs, Loren dropped down to the floor and straightened her skirt. Reaching up, she pulled him close to her and pressed her lips to his again, pouring all of her want into him. The stranger poured himself back into her and kissed her, his hands lying on her hips, the only part of them moving were their lips.

It was pure desire and pure need.

As the two kissed, oblivious to anything else, the music still thrummed in the other room.

Bodies were separating to grab their last glass of champagne and couples were finding each other in the throng of people.

Lily scanned the room, searching for her cousin and wondering idly when she had disappeared. James, have you seen Loren? Or even Sirius? Hasn’t he come back yet?”

Quickly, James shook his head, handing Lily a flute of champagne, winking at Remus. Lily again searched the room, time was running out.

A minute to go and it would be a New Year, they all stepped back as the band finished out their song and started to set up the firework display.

Thirty seconds to go and the two hidden in the room were so close to combusting, their fire was burning so quickly.

Fifteen seconds to go and everybody was cheering. The noise so deafening, yet Loren and her stranger didn’t hear a thing.

Ten seconds to go and the countdown was starting, the band was flicking theirs wands, igniting the fireworks.

“10….9….8….7….6…” The crowd chanted, their glasses rose in preparation.

Five seconds to go and the year was coming to an end. The friends had no idea what the next year held but they knew they would get through it. As long as they all stuck together, everything would be okay. What could possibly hurt them when they all were planning to protect one another to their deaths?

“5….4….3….2….1” A split second of silence before the cheers began.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Everybody in the game room bellowed. Kisses were shared and toasts were made while the fireworks banged in the air.

Death…. Death was what was going to hurt them in the New Year.


A/N- Well, there you are, folks! I know that there isn't much going on in this chapter but I just wanted a completely raw chapter that had the teens acting like nothing more than teens. Had a bit of foreshadowing here so hoping that you all spotted that! Well what do you think? Favorite part, line, character? Drop me a review, it would be very much appreciated! (:

-Alex. Xoxo

Chapter 31: Pepper Up
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“But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Well it burned as I cried
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name”
Set Fire to the Rain, Adele


“Sebastian, what’s going on?” Loren tripped down the stairs leading out of the castle, stumbling blindly in the dark night air. “Sebastian!” Unable to make out even the towering trees of the Forbidden Forest or the peaks of the towers sitting atop Hogwarts, Loren plowed forward.

The only bright spot in her vision was Sebastian oddly illuminated, walking faster and faster on to the grounds. His dirty blonde hair was a halo, tipping over his neck, licking at his collar- he was an Angel, an Angel running from or to something. Loren couldn’t tell which it was but she knew, wherever he was running, she would be running, too.

Her feet pushed off of the frozen earth, vaulting her faster and faster, her screams to Sebastian mingling into the wind. The cold winter air pricked at her eyes and sent them streaming, making her vision that much worse.

“Sebastian, please stop!” But still the young man kept moving with ease through the snow that was becoming deeper and virtually untouched as they rounded on to the Forest. Animals cried from the inside and gooseflesh erupted on Loren’s skin, a cold damp sweat dripped down her throat. Her chest constricted against the lack of breath and her pleas had died out long ago.

Sebastian dipped into the trees, disappearing completely, the only trace left behind was his onslaught of footprints, and no longer did his otherworldly glow lead Loren forward. Grasping down her long coat, Loren searched for her wand. With her hands caught in pockets, still searching, Loren lost her footing and lurched forward, landing in the deep snow. Trying to right herself quickly, her hand swept over a short, thick rod. Her wand!

“Lumos maxima!” Loren cried with the very little bit of sound she could muster. A welcome light emitted from the tip of her wand and again she was sent bolting forward.

Although her wand shined bright, still she could only see ten feet around her, everything else was a gamble. Heading deeper into the woods, Loren attempted to make out Sebastian’s prints and her body hummed with adrenaline, even with her eyes so immature in the dark, her other senses piqued, readying themselves. A twig snapped somewhere ahead and Loren again picked up pace. Her tongue was dry and heavy but still, she poked it out and attempted with no avail to moisten her lips.

Swinging a hand down, Loren cupped a handful of snow, like knives on her palm; she pushed half of the handful into her arid mouth. Letting the snow take a moment to melt, she convulsively swallowed and finished the rest. “Sebastian!” Her voice echoed against the trees and came back to her sounding hoarse and bewildered.

She couldn’t tell how long she had been forcing herself farther and farther into the forest but the snow had thinned considerably, unable to fall through the thick brush of the treetops. Sebastian’s footprints had long disappeared. Careening forward, Loren’s feet came abruptly into a spot that sat higher on the forest floor, once again losing her footing; she splayed forward over the hump in the ground. Rolling from her stomach quickly, Loren took a sitting position and sent the light from her wand cascading around her.

Where Loren had just fallen was Sebastian, ropes winding around his body tightly, propped up against a tree trunk. His eyes bulging as the rope tightened against his Adam’s apple. His face pale from the cold was taking on a blue hue.

Instinctively Loren glanced their surroundings. A few feet to their left sat someone in a dark cloak, their whole body hidden away. Loren reached out, ready to loosen the rope but before her hand even touched Sebastian’s neck, the cloaked figure lifted his wand and flicked it. The rope squeezed beyond anything a human body could endure.

“NO!” She screamed.


Loren started, opening her eyes too quickly in the morning light and earning a tight pounding in her head. “Ugh, mother of Merlin.” She cried.

Rolling to her side, she swiftly ducked under her pillow, cursing the sun for rising today. A sharp pain sailed through Loren’s ear and she unfortunately remembered a pinhole memory of Lily, piercing her ear. Gingerly probing the area, Loren felt the heat from the new piercing and throbbing under her fingers. She needed to clean it properly or it would surely get infected. The word “shenanigans” whizzed through Loren’s brain.

How drunk had she been? Very, her subconscious screamed, sending another wave of pain and misery through her head. Grasping to the edge of her side table, Loren felt for the snitch James had given her for Christmas. Sending a quick “I think I may be dying” note to James, the snitch flew through her cracked open a bit window.

Within minutes the snitch had returned, “Hangover? Be right there with Pepper Up potion.” A small smile graced Loren’s full lips and she sent the snitch flying one last time with a trite “Thank you, Jamie and something to clean out a wound.”

As Loren waited for James to save her life, she mulled over the events of last night. A flurry of hands, a cascade of kisses and the smell of alcohol started a blush that was sure to last all day and then like that her memory of yet another nightmare sent her pole vaulting back to reality. These dreams were getting old fast and truthfully, they always left Loren shaken and anxious. If the fight for good during the war didn’t kill her, her anxiety may just.

A knock at the door made Loren wince in pain and cup her hands to her ear, which in the long run only made her ear hurt, too. “Come in.” She wailed. Without another moment passed, James Potter walked into Loren’s temporary room, his arms full of bottles and such, threatening to drop at any second.

“Alright, Lor, I brought you some Pepper Up, some cleaning potion, a bottle of water, some Aspirin and… oh, chips!” He exclaimed shuffling through his pile of pick-me-ups. Letting the pile slowly drop into Loren’s bed, James plopped down in the chair across from her. “So why the cleaning potion?”

Loren again felt around her ear and shuddered, “Truth or dare was a hardship on my ear.” Loren blotted some of the cleaning potion on to a tissue and rubbed delicately around her swollen cartilage. A hiss slipped between her lips as she accidentally tugged on the diamond that sat in her ear.

“It seems that truth or dare was a hardship for everybody.” James chuckled, “I can’t believe you kissed Remmy, you harlot!” A fit of laughter doubled James over.

Loren narrowed her eyes and gave James a pointed look that clearly screamed “we are not talking about this now.. maybe not ever.” And instantly James sobered from his sporadic laughter. With a shake of her head, Loren popped open the aspirin and let two slip into her mouth, swallowing them quickly with the water.

“Alright, alright, Loren. I’ll drop it but be warned, I guarantee everybody is going to be asking the same thing today! Now take a mouthful of the Pepper Up and eat some of the chips.”

“Chips?” Loren stared at the greasy food with contempt, a spell of nausea rolling through her, with one finger Loren pushed the plate away from her and gulped down her potion.

James sighed, leaning forward to push the food back. “Yes, chips. They’ll taste like heaven once you eat one and believe me; they do a world of good. Just have a few, though and drink your water.” James fixed Loren with a persistent stare and watched her as she timidly picked up a chip and popped it into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. When she swallowed James smiled a large grin and sat back, waiting for her to keep on eating.

“So, back to Hogwarts tomorrow! Are you excited, Loren?” I am! Sirius got me this real cool prank kit! It’s from Egypt; he had to specialty order it and everything.” Loren nodded and urged James to go on as she picked through her chips.

“Well it has all of these powders and vials of ingredients for potions but I need to get a book from the library once we’re back.”

Choking back a chip, Loren’s mouth gaped open. “You need to get a… book? A book from the library?” Loren couldn’t pretend to not be dumbfounded or completely miffed.

“Yeah, the kit is in Arabic and I was just going to wing it but when Moony found out it was like a lecture from my mum. He blubbered on about really hurting myself or somebody else and how then mum WOULD find out, so I’m going to see if I can find a translation book. Maybe then his knickers will untwist a bit for him to calm down.” Rolling his eyes, James snagged a chip from Loren’s plate and munched on it loudly, smacking his lips once he had finished.

“Are you quite done grazing like a cow in a pasture, James?” Slapping away his hand as his reached for another chip, Loren stood, stretching and savoring the feeling of stiffness leaving her body. Reaching for her towel, Loren made her way into the bathroom, prepared to brush the hangover from her teeth and scrub the aching from her body completely.

“Hurry up, Lor! The house elves with be out to start packing up our trunks in a bit and we all want to go down to this Muggle diner for lunch.”

Peeking out of the large window that took up most of the bathroom, Loren shivered and glared at the snow that was falling and falling with no hint of stopping any time soon. Just the thought of walking into town a few miles away left a cold in her that touched her core. “James, how in the name of Merlin are we getting there?”

Loren pulled the hair tie from her head and let her curls cascade down her back and around her breasts. Slipping out of her over large shirt and knickers, she started the shower, testing the water. “I’m going to drive us, Loren!”

Craning her head around the doorjamb, Loren brushed at her teeth. Popping the toothbrush from her mouth, she licked the paste from her lips, “You’re going to drive? Do you even know how to drive a muggle car, James Potter?” Loren teased.

“Well, Dad took me out once or twice to try and teach me and my parents aren’t home now, so I thought I’d give it a try. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Well, we could die? I’ll drive, James.” Loren said as she continued to scrub the sleep from her teeth.

“You can drive?” James didn’t even try to hide the amusement or utter disbelief from his voice.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, Jamie, I can drive. I am part muggle after all. Lily can drive, too, if you ever wanted to know. Albeit, she can’t drive well so I think putting your money on me not killing you is a far better decision. Just don’t tell her that. Now I’ll be done in about twenty minutes, so let everyone know to get ready, find the car keys and brush the snow from the windshield of the car, please.” Gargling water to rinse her mouth, Loren slipped into the warmth of the shower.

“Windshield?” James asked.

“It’s the large window in the front of the car! Actually just clean off all of the windows, okay?” Loren shook her head, letting the water seep down her skin.


Taking the stairs two at a time, Loren made it from her room and to the front kitchen in record time and without even taking a spill. Pushing the swinging door, Loren peeked her head around and was greeted with the hunched forms of her friends. Lily was scribbling something furiously on to a piece of loose parchment while Remus looked to be ticking off a count on the tips of his fingers. James and Sirius flipped through a book that resembled none from their courses and pointed certain pages out to Remus.

“Guys?” Loren slipped farther into the room. All heads turned quickly to look up at Loren. James slammed the book closed on Sirius’s hand, Remus took a straighter position and Lily tried to nonchalantly roll up the parchment. With a single hand balanced on her hip, Loren gave her fellow classmates a withering glare, silently questioning their odder than usual behavior.

Strutting over to the table, Loren spotted the words possible threats before Lily disposed of the parchment altogether into her bag. “How was your shower, cousin?” Lily’s thin lips pulled up into a smile that didn’t touch her eyes.

“Fine, thank you. But do you know what would be even better?” Not quick enough to hear the malice in her voice, James took the bait, hoping to sway the conversation into a new direction.

“What’s that, Loren dear?” James beamed. Remus, Sirius and Lily all collectively shook their heads, wishing now more than ever that James would one day pick up on Loren’s sarcastic cues.

“It would be quite lovely” Loren pause for a second, leaving James waiting “if you all would stop being such dunderheads and hiding shit from me. It certainly is starting to piss me off and I have half a mind, no actually, I have a full mind to say this; either you tell me what’s going on, or I will go ahead and give James the keys to the car and you all can put your lives in his hands.” All wincing slightly at her biting words, Loren waited for somebody to say something. The quiet was large and looming, a dormouse could have skittered across the floor and its steps would have been thundering.

“Alright, jolly good! If you’ll excuse me, I have a library waiting for me with more books than even Remus has had the pleasure of reading.” Thrusting a hand into her jeans pocket, Loren whipped the keys at James, who with only the skill a Seeker could muster, caught the metal objects before that smacked him right in the forehead. Turning on her heel, Loren bounded to the door.

“I’m too pretty to die.” Sirius wailed none too quietly to Remus.

Loren smirked to herself, glad to be facing away from everybody else.

“Loren, wait please!” Remus called, “We’ll tell you. We all have a lot to discuss but not here. James parents will be home soon. Let’s go to town and please for the love of all that is good, do not let James drive.”

Loren turned, a large smile creeping over her face. Laying her palm face up, reluctantly James dropped the keys into her awaiting hand. “Alright, let’s go.” And with that Loren disappeared, quickly making her way into the muggle invention.

Flipping her signal on, Loren slowed as she reached a four-way stop, looking to make sure no cars were around, she took her turn, her foot becoming heavier and heavier on the gas pedal. Muggle tires could not beat the spell James’ father had put on the car to keep them from skidding in the snow or hydroplaning in the rain. The speedometer inched up by the second and Loren loved the control that coursed through her veins; her hands keeping the steering wheel heading in the direction of the town, her foot telling how fast they were going to go.

“Hold on, everybody!” Loren said over the sound of the engine.

Her foot pressed the gas pedal all the way down, her toe skimming the floorboard. Glancing quickly to the passenger seat, Loren noticed the green hue that was taking over Lily’s face but the proud cheering she was receiving from the teenage boys in the back kept her going. Coming to the last turn before they entered the town, Loren slowed down, the little gauge dropping back down to thirty miles per hour.

“Merlin, Lor! You’re as good in a car as I am on a broom.” James gushed, giving her shoulder a squeeze and rubbing Lily’s back from his center position in the back seat.

Loren giggled and pulled into the parking lot of a small diner, the focal point of the Muggle town. “Thank you for the faith, Jamie but I’m not sure how I would do if I was required to catch a flying object while I drove.” Putting the car in park, Loren turned the car off and pulled her coat back on, jumping out of the car and striding towards the diner, flurries becoming lighter than they had in the past few days.

“I’ll have a turkey sandwich, a side of chips with gravy, a salad with extra dressing, onion rings, a chocolate milkshake… oh, and a burger as well.” James closed his menu, handing it back to the baffled waitress.

The young woman had a shock of unnatural red hair and droopy brown eyes that looked eerily similar to a wrinkled dog’s. As she scrawled down James’ order, Loren noticed the black roses, dripping what could only be assumed as blood that was tattooed on her arm. Whoever had done the tattoo for her was either distracted or new at the art because the roses were jagged and choppy, taking on the look that they had been drawn on with permanent marker.

“And what will you be ‘avin today?” She turned towards Sirius and instantly her saggy eyes widened and a scarlet blush spread from her scalp, contrasting horribly against her hair, or so Loren thought.

Sirius beamed and winked at the already nervous girl. Dropping her notepad, she knocked over Loren’s glass of water, sloshing it into her lap. “Oye!” Loren yelped, standing quickly and grasping for the napkins. “Watch it.”

The waitress picked up her notepad and the cup and smiled, “Sorry” she said to Sirius, earning her another wink. “I’ll have the same as my mate over here but I’d like a vanilla shake instead.” He said.

“Alright, comin’ right up, sweet ‘art.” She crooned, turning on her heel to disappear back into the kitchen.

As soon as the incompetent girl was out of ear shot, Loren threw a withering glance in Sirius’s direction. “What do you think you are doing!?” She screeched, turning her body to face him full on. “If you’d like to flirt your pants off with the basset hound they have serving us, go for it! I’m sure they have a lovely closet in the back that you two can shag in and then she can take you to her sketchy tattoo artist where you can get matching marker roses! And while you two would be a positively lovely couple, you with your perfect head of hair can teach her a few tips on maintaining her hair since that dye job could have been done better by a hippogriff and of course, she could teach you how NOT to be a server. Just one question, could you not do it on my time? Not that I don’t think it’s absolutely entrancing watching you both but I prefer my lap not be drenched before my lunch gets her.” Loren’s eyes flared and her chest rose and fell in anger.

“SHE DOES LOOK LIKE A BASSET HOUND! I WAS WONDERING WHICH BREED OF DOG IT WAS.” James quipped and that was when the damn broke and everybody at the table collapsed in laugher. Eyes streamed and everybody was breathless and as they laughed Sirius slipped his hand under the table and intertwined his fingers with Loren’s.

“My dear, Loren. While I’m particularly partial to dogs, I was only ensuring that we get a free lunch.” Sirius squeezed her hand and rubbed her knee.


Lunch had come and everybody had eaten their fill, except James and Sirius, they had eaten their fill and what was left of everybody else’s, as per usual.

“So, Loren…” Remus started, popping an onion ring in his mouth and chewing thoughtfully.

“So?” She replied

“What do you think of the” glancing around the room, Remus leaned across the table, dropping his voice to a whisper “the Order?”

The familiar swelling returned to Loren’s throat and she released Sirius’s hand, afraid that the clamminess of her hands would spread into his. “I’m scared, Remus. I’m terrified but that doesn’t change anything. Whether or not I had this option, I would still be terrified. But the difference with this? I can be terrified but I can try and fight to make sure that nobody else has to be terrified. I can’t just sit back and watch this happen. I can’t sit back while mine and Lily’s family hides out, I can’t sit back while Voldemort is after me and my cousin and my brother. I can’t sit back while the ones I love are going to be targeted. James, your family is going to be known as blood traitors and Sirius, you’ve earned a bright red target on your head the second you denounced the dark ways of your family. And you, Rem! You will be used for the one thing you can’t help in your life, used as a pawn to physically hurt others. “A large lump was forming in her throat and tears were pooling in her beautiful green eyes. “And me and you, Lil!” Loren turned to grasp her cousin’s hands. “All because of what we were born with, all because of a choice we were never allowed to make. “

A flurry of emotion swept Loren and she was so angry, she could taste it in her mouth. Her body shook in rage and her heart hammered against her ribcage. Why was this happening? Why did this war need to start in her lifetime? One thing was for sure, Loren was never having children. She was never going to raise a child that shared her lineage. She would never dream to saddle a child with a power that could so easily be used against them, like it was to her.

The anger tightened her chest. Voldemort was taking everything away from her. He was taking her family and her ability to make choices but most of all, he was claiming her freedom. Loren gripped the edge of her seat; fighting not only an internal war but now she was signing up to fight an actual war.

Out of nowhere, rain slapped the window, startling all of the friends out of their reverie. What was just seconds ago snow was now large, heavy rain drops. The rain soaked the snow, melting it and leaving puddles running down the street, throughout the parking lots and everywhere the eye could see. Within seconds all of the windows in the diner were obscured with the vertical rivers that the rain was leaving on the glass.

“Loren?” Lily whispered, rubbing soothing circles into the back of her hand.

Loren kept her eyes shut tightly against reality. She was finding her happy place… She was back home with her Mum and her Dad, all of her friends sat in her living room after a long hike in the woods. She was back in the summer before school, ecstatic because Sirius had carried her home and all of her friends surrounded her. Loren would give a vital limb to be in her happy place, not just imagining it.

“Loren!” Lily said, much louder this time. “Are you doing this?”

Loren’s eyes popped open and followed Lily’s pointing finger out into the window and as realization dawned on her and she concentrated on the downpour that was unusually odd for how cold it was outside in the early January afternoon.

“Is she doing what, Lily?” Sirius glanced between the window and Loren’s face. “Lily?” His voice reached a never heard octave.

And as Lily looked from Sirius to Loren and Sirius looked from the window to Loren and Loren closed her eyes once more, the wheels started to spin in Remus’s head.

“Oh my good God!” Remus cried, leaning forward once more.

“Remus, don’t!” James whispered harshly.

“What? What is it, Remus?” Sirius cried.

“Please, Remus!” Lily pleaded.

“Rem! Tell me, mate, please!” Sirius countered.

“I- I… I think” Remus swallowed the words that choked.

James gnashed his teeth together; waiting for Loren’s secret to be blown apart. Lily waited for Remus’s words to change the game. Sirius’s heart sped up in fear and Remus’s brain was processing slower than ever before. How, Remus wondered, he didn’t know that the families still lived.

“Remus” Sirius hissed.

“Bloody hell! I’m a water manipulator!” Loren replied, slamming her hand down onto the table.

All at once everybody glanced out of the window, trying to make out the blurred images of the outside.

Taking a deep breath, Loren calmed herself, concentrating on the rain and like it had come, the rain instantly stopped, turning back into the light snow flurries. “Oh, that’s just great!” Loren screeched, pushing away from the table and leaving the diner.

“Well, we both are.” Lily said, pulling everybody out of the daze they had entered. And as Loren slipped into the safety of Mr. Potter’s car, Lily explained to Remus and Sirius everything that had been going on and James just listened because although Lily had no idea, James already knew the trouble they were in, except now he found it, it didn’t only affect his best friend, it affected the love of his life, too.

“And that’s everything…. Well that and I’m pretty sure Loren is freaking out because she has never been able to move a raindrop let alone create a storm.” Lily finished, breathing out a large sigh.


Loren had no idea how much time had passed but so far, she had made it start raining three more times before she noticed her friends coming towards the car in the rear view mirror.

Three doors opened and closed and four pairs of hands rubbed her back, squeezed her hand and tucked her hair behind her ear.

James was the first to speak, “I won’t let anything happen to my two favorite girls!”

Lily smiled and nodded, “And I’ll help you get your powers in control, Lor, I promise!” Hope edged her words.

Remus laughed, “She’s going to need a great deal of help there, but Loren, we are all going to fight like hell!”

Sirius leaned around the headrest and let his chin sit in the crook of Loren’s neck. His even breathing tickled her ear and his voice dropped low so only she could hear it. “And I will protect you until the day I die, Loren Adelaide Evans.” He said kissing her cheek.


A/N- Hey all! I apologize for the lack of chapter but I have been tremendously busy with moving into my new apartment and then with starting my new job! So I hope you enjoy. Reviews are fantastic.


Chapter 32: Making a Splash
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Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry.
Sometimes love is not enough and road gets tough, I don’t know why.
Keep making me laugh, let’s go get high.
The road is long, we carry on; try to have fun in the meantime.

Born to Die, Lana Del Rey

Striding down the empty corridor, Loren slipped quietly around a corner, stopping at once to wait for the door to appear from nowhere. Grasping the doorknob, she entered the room that she had been coming to twice a week since the students had returned from break.

Large and small beakers filled the shelves- fountains, buckets and cauldrons littered the floor and in the center of the room sat a large stone basin- all filled at different levels with clear, crystalline water. Dropping her bag to the floor, Loren quickly removed her uniform and shuffled on a tank top and pair of shorts.

Picking up her pile of clothing and bag, she made her way around the maze of clutter and opened yet another door. Meeting the sight of her friends all perched on a large sofa that was settled in front of a crackling fireplace, she set her bag on a mahogany table. “Alright, everybody ready?” The four teenagers nodded standing, the followed Loren back into the first room. They all wore similar clothing.

“Okay, Lor- so far I've been able to teach you to manipulate the small beakers of water but we really do need to start accelerating your learning process. Dumbledore said to give you his personal apology in the letter he sent me but in case a war is started, it is better that you are ready. We want you to be able to use your power against the other side, not for them to use your power against you.” Lily shrugged, feeling terrible for having to push Loren faster than could go.

“I get it Lily and believe me, I would love to be progressing faster and I really am trying. I’m just so preoccupied and stressed. And before you say anything, I know there are no excuses when it comes to education.” Loren mimicked Lily’s most popular phrase to Sirius and James when it came to homework, earning a chuckle from the three boys standing towards the back of the room.

Truth be told, Loren was becoming aggravated with herself. It was the end of January and this was going to be her sixth session with her cousin and still, she couldn't work with more than a gallon of water. She had expected so much from herself that her short comings were feeling like a large failure.

Each session she worked to move the water from beaker to beaker, turn the gallon into a mini rainstorm and mold and throw water balls. She could do all of that with no effort but each time Lily had her move to the next largest beaker, holding two gallons; Loren could do nothing but slosh the water over the edges of the container which just created a large mess in the long run.

January had sped on and Loren’s list of worries and preoccupations lengthened significantly. The Professors had piled on the work in “pre preparation” for their N.E.W.T.S- their words, not Loren’s. The research and pseudo missions that Dumbledore had the friends doing within the confines of the castle were making Loren restless. The slightly more than platonic but far from romantic relationship between her and Sirius was becoming frustrating, and to add insult to injury, Loren had written Sebastian three times a week, each week and still hadn't heard a word from him and there, Loren knew, were the base of her anxieties.

More and more, Loren was worried about Sebastian. Every day that passed without a word from her ex-boyfriend brought on a whole new wave of terror. Where was he? How was he doing? Why wasn't he speaking with her? Loren just wanted to know that Sebastian was okay. She had thought about contacting his father but second guessed herself each time, rationalizing that she wasn't even sure of his name. The only family of Sebastian’s that Loren knew of by name was an older brother named Ben.

“Loren, honey, are you still with us?” Lily waved her hand repeatedly in front of her cousin’s face, pulling her back to reality.

Shaking her head side to side, Loren pushed her everyday worries to the back of her mind and smiled. “Yeah, sorry. I was just trying to get into the right mindset. I’m ready, let’s do this thing!”

Loren ran threw her normal routine, moving water from one beaker to the next, throwing small balls into the large basin that sat largely in the center of the room and trying desperately to move on to larger containers to no avail. “Lily, I can’t do it.” She whined loudly, kicking over the beaker and watching as the water spread across the floor.

“Loren, I’m sure you can. You just have to-“

“Nah, Lil. I don’t think she can.” James quipped. Nudging an elbow into Sirius’s side, James continued. “Actually, I’m pretty damn sure she can’t do.

“You’re right, mate. She just doesn't have it in her.” Sirius said, walking around the basin, he flopped to the floor and cheekily smiled.

An embarrassed flush spread across Loren’s cheeks and she cringed as the two continued mocking her. Angry tears pooled in her eyes and she turned away, hastily picking up the discarded beaker.

“What are you doing?” Lily whispered, her words coming out in a jumbled hiss.

Raising a single finger, James silenced his girlfriend “Just watch.”

“Ya know, Padfoot, I think she over thinks it too much. She can’t just let go and figure it out. I bet I could even do better!” James egged her on further, splashing some water at Loren’s legs with his hand.

“Like I said, when you’re right, you’re right. I thought she could do so much better.”

“I guess we were all wrong, Sir. Lily flower, you really should stop wasting your time.”

“I’m a bit disappointed, though. I thought this would be a better show, Prongsie!”

Slowly but surely, Loren’s anger bubbled up, her tears hot and scalding down her cheeks. Whipping around, she flung the beaker in the direction of the boys. “Will you two just shut up?” Loren screeched. The beaker crashed to the ground, shattering and sprinkling the room in shards of glass. “You don’t think I can do it? That’s nice; do you think I give a flying hippogriff arse?” A row of beakers shook as the water spilled over the top.

Loren stomped forward, her temper drowning in the depths of one of the beakers behind her. “If you want to sit in here and take the Mickey, then you can be my guest and just leave!” The water in the containers behind her surged forward, it formed a wall that swam and moved soundlessly at her back. It grew and still grew larger with each angry tear that fell from her eyes.

“And one more thing! If you want to run yourself ragged trying to protect my family and you think you could do so much better then be my guest.” Loren’s voice had reached a paranormal octave and the wall of water seemed to hang on to her every word. As her anger grew, so did the wall and as her last syllable broke through, the wall mimicked the action. Crashing forward, it arched over Loren’s head, skimming past Lily and Remus and breaking over James and Sirius.

The wall of water stayed together, pressing itself on to the two teenagers, swimming around them. It created a barrier that spiraled around them, enclosing them completely.

Loren held her breath, shock spiking throughout her entire body.

James and Sirius gasped, their mouths forming oxygen deprived “O’s”. Their arms reached and reached but the barrier forced them where they were, they were unable to move.

“Loren, breathe! Please!” Lily cried, running forward to the wall, she too was unable to move through it. “Loren, they can’t breathe!”

Loren was paralyzed as she watched two of her favorite people drown in front of her eyes. Sirius’s efforts slackened and his eyes rolled into the back of his skull, his fight to get away from the water sapping his energy quickly. Fear lanced through Loren.

Blinking twice, Loren took a haggard breath, her lungs relishing the feeling and as the anger ebbed away, the wall fell, splashing over Loren, Lily and Remus, leaving two soaked and gasping men in its wake. Lily and Remus quickly made their way to James as he pulled air into his awaiting lungs.

Standing in her place, Loren stood stock still, her eyes unable to leave Sirius. The color quickly came back into his skin and his chest rose and fell with each breath. Once he regained his senses, he glanced up searching, his eyes wide and wild.

Loren shook from head to toe, her angst pouring off of her in waves. She was unsure whether to run in the direction of the door or into the direction of Sirius and as if answering her unspoken question, Sirius held out his arms for her.

Bounding forward, Loren flung herself into Sirius’s outstretched arms. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I am so, so sorry, Sirius.” Clasping his face between her hands, she kissed every inch of his face. “Please forgive me, I didn't mean to do that!” she whispered between kisses. “Sirius, I truly don’t know how I did. I’m sorry,-“catching Loren off guard, Sirius pressed his lips to hers, silencing her apologies.

Gently placing a hand to her cheek and wrapping the other tightly around her waist, Sirius pulled Loren against his muscled frame. Deepening the kiss, his tongue persuasively found hers. Standing in the middle of the room, soaking wet and shaken, Sirius and Loren found comfort within one another.


Loren’s POV

Flopping down on to the mahogany bench, I gave an unenthusiastic grunt in the direction of the others sitting around me.

“Well, good morning to you, too, Loren.” Remus said, setting down his goblet. “What has you so out of sorts this morning?”

“ Couldn't sleep.” I mumbled through a mouthful of eggs, swallowing quickly and grabbing a piece of toast from the basket in front of me.

“Me either. I had a dream that I failed potions because my cauldron pulled me into the boiling water.” James shivered and pushed his half empty plate away from him.

“Oh, I don’t believe that.” Lily replied.

“Well believe it, Lil. He kept me up most of the night whinging on and on about it. He wouldn't even shower this morning. I reckon Loren gave him a right scare last night.” Sirius answered back, clapping James on the back while simultaneously rolling his gray eyes.

An unwelcome feeling of misery ran through me like a fissure, “I really am sorry, you guys.” I picked at my toast, deciding that James had the right idea. Pushing away my plate, I glanced down at the grain in the table and sighed.

“Loren, you’re going to need to stop apologizing sooner or later and beside, like we all told you last night- it’s just showing that you’re getting better with your power. You just need to work on using it whenever, not just when you feel like killing me or Jamsie boy.” Sirius’s smile reached his eyes and he gave my thigh a reassuring squeeze underneath the table.

A million butterflies bounced around in my stomach and my blood heated instantly. It almost amazed me just how wound up Sirius could make me feel with barely a touch at all.

The rest of breakfast passed slowly, the chink of cutlery and the hum of the students a welcome distraction to the melancholy I was feeling. My lack of sleep was already catching up with me and this was the kind of dog tired that even three cups of coffee couldn't touch. Letting my head find a pillow on Sirius’s shoulder, I shut my eyes and waited for the others to finish and announce that they were off to class.

I had two free periods before class today and although I should probably use it to catch some rest, I hadn't written Sebastian yet this week and maybe it was just a hope, but I believed that if I bothered him enough, he would eventually grow sick of me and write back. That was the only idea I was currently allowing myself to entertain, any other thoughts of Sebastian and his whereabouts, I had locked away in a box in the back of my mind that I only opened when I wanted to be self-loathing and worrisome.

“So, Sirius- what was with the tonsil tennis last night after Loren almost killed us?”

Sitting up quickly, I narrowed my eyes at James. Remus choked not so discreetly on his orange juice and Lily’s face quickly turned 40 shades of puce.

“I think I’m late for class!” Sirius announced, jumping up and grabbing his bag.

“Yeah, yeah- you’re quite right. I completely lost track of time.” Remus doubled.

Nodding quickly, I motioned to Lily and clambered away from the table, quickly joining my cousin and following the two guys from the Great Hall, leaving a laughing James Potter by himself at the Gryffindor table.

“Loren, can I talk to you about something?” Lily pulled me into the girl’s lavatory and glanced underneath each stall individually, finally leaning against the door and letting out an uneasy breath.

And as selfish as it may seem, I really didn't want to waste time in the bathroom. I wanted to get to the library and write Sebastian and maybe even take a short nap. “Of course, Lily” I lied “What’s on your mind?”

Pulling at a loose thread at the hem of her skirt, Lily bit her lip impishly. “I think I want to… you know… go all the way with James.” An uneven blush covered Lily’s face and she covered up her scarlet face with both hands.

Blanching for just a second, I attempted to compose myself as I was a bit blown over by this unexpected conversation. Actually, I was more than a bit blown over- you could send me flying to America with the flick of a feather. “You want- you want to have Sex with, with- with James Potter?” I stuttered foolishly and lowered myself to the floor, my back leaning against a stall door.

“Well yes, that is the James that I was referring to.” Lily sat down across from me and sighed heavily. “Did you go all the way with Sebastian, or even Sirius?”

“Please stop calling it anything but sex, Lil!”

“Okay… did you have sex with Sebastian or Sirius?” She folded her arms and then unfolded them, looking for something to do other than look me in the eyes.

This had to be the most exasperating conversation in the world. “No, Lily! I haven’t had sex with Sebastian, Sirius, or anybody else for that matter. Don’t you think that’s something I would have told you?”

Lily tensed, an emotion that I couldn't read seemed to radiate off of her body. “Well we didn't talk for a long while. I thought maybe then… I figured it wasn't that absurd to think of.”

“Well it was, Lily! I wasn't speaking to Sirius at all and Sebastian and I were on our way out. I don’t think making a habit of shagging either of them in that situation would have made anything easier.” I rubbed the creases that formed between my eyes. “Lily, listen to me, if you want to have sex with James and you think you are ready for that- please, for the love of Merlin, don’t let whether or not I've had sex impact your decision. We've grown up doing everything together but this doesn't have to be one of those things. This is going to something that connects you and James, not you and me!”

“I know this is scary to think of, but just because I haven’t gone through with it doesn't mean I haven’t thought about it multiple times. Make this decision based on what is best for your relationship. I can’t tell you what’s the right or wrong thing to do. Please, just remember to think it through- this is something that can be taken back, this is yours and his first time we are talking about and it isn't something to throw away.”

Lily’s face softened instantly and she nodded, throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing me gently. “I know, Loren! I know, I’m just so nervous. Everything usually comes so easy to me and if it doesn't, I most certainly have a book that can help me but not here. This is so new to me. But thank you for listening, thank you for always being there. “

I smiled widely and stood, grabbing my bag and making my way to the door. “Good look, Lil.” I opened the door but turned back quickly. “If you do have sex with him, use a contraceptive, right now isn't the best time to bring another life into the world.”

The thought of any of us having a child to protect rendered me scared and nauseous. The war that was brewing was lapping at our toes; I couldn't even entertain putting something so innocent into a world so corrupt. The thoughts swept my breath away and I had to grip the door handle hard to bring myself back to the moment at hand.

“But if by some chance it does happen and it’s a girl, name her Charlotte! If it’s a boy, name him Harry” I winked at Lily and slipped through the door quickly, hoping my desperate attempt to lighten the mood and my own thoughts worked.


- Well, there you are. This is the filler of all fillers and I'm going to say it once, I am so sorry about the wait. This story has become so incredibly lengthy in the time it has taken to get chapters out and that is nobody's fault but my own. When I came into this story, I was young, my writing was pretty horrid and as I got better and more into the story line, I completely threw out the original plot and now I'm just going with the natural flow. I've had HORRIBLE writers block but once in awhile, I get into it. I'm hoping that that can be said for my time now. Anyway, I don't blame those that were dedicated to this story if they up and left, hell, I would have. I'm just hoping that somebody comes along to the end. Now with that said, I'm almost finished with the next chapter. So at least you'll see some activity from me? Yeah, I know, I'm horrible. I want to see at least ten more chapters from this story, so I guess we'll see where I go with it, won't we?

Chapter 33: Hiding Places
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“Hello, it’s been awhile since I spoke your name.
But I remember now what it’s like to feel you in my veins.
How am I supposed to feel the same?”

Burn, Madi Diaz


January turned into February and February ended in the first pure rays of sunlight. The heavy snow in Scotland melted into the grounds of Hogwarts, leaving the Students with the hope of spring.

The start of March held promises of longer days, more Hogsmeade trips and a handful of quidditch matches that were going to be the highlight of the season. As the winter gloom started to fade, everybody at Hogwarts, the teachers included, seemed to be giddy.

As students bustled back and forth, Alice McIntyre weaved her way in and out of people, her small frame easily lost in the sea of black robes. Straightening her bag that was slung over her shoulder, Alice quietly and without notice made her way into an empty classroom and clicked the lock behind her.

Casting a simple spell on the room to keep any eavesdroppers at bay, she plowed forward, slipped behind the tapestry that hung on the back wall and kept going until she came to the end of a corridor. Alice turned to her left and tapped a brick in the wall thrice with her wand and then placed a palm against the same spot, like ice in a cup of water, the bricks in the wall melted into the rest revealing a hidden room deep in the walls of Hogwarts.

“You’re late!” Chastened the group of people that sat in the small room. They all had been waiting for Alice to show up.

Throwing her bag down, she checked behind her to make sure the door had formed solid again. “I know and I’m sorry! Severus Snape had some questions about an assignment and I couldn’t just ignore him! You know how he gets, he would have been curious and I would have been followed.“ Plopping down into the only open spot in the circle of people, Alice searched for her new best friend and smiled brightly when her eyes had fallen upon the green eyed, brunette girl.

“Should have told old Snivellus to bugger off!”

“Drop it, James.”

“Sorry” James Potter blushed and scratched his neck uncomfortably. His grudge against Snape wasn’t unknown to the halls of Hogwarts.

“So what’s the word, Alice?” Sirius black stretched his long legs and leaned back onto his calloused hands.

Alice sighed, her lips twitching slightly, “Nothing. I have nothing!” A resounding groan carried around the circle.

“What’s new?” A young Ravenclaw girl said, ducking away from the glare that Loren shot her.

“What? What do you lot really want me to do? I’ve been doing the same as all of you and correct me if I am wrong but I highly doubt that any of you have more than mere mutterings of a war from a few Slytherins that you would love to prove are guilty of something whether they really are or not!”

“It isn’t like that, Alice!” James said.

“Oh, come off it, Potter! You’re telling me that Snape and Malfoy aren’t at the top of your “Slytherins with a motive” list? Alice mimicked quotation marks with her fingers and shook out her short brown mane.

James bristled and leaned forward quickly. “I heard Snape admit to hating Gryffindor! What more do I need?”

“Because he DOES hate Gryffindor, you oaf! And you hate the bloody Slytherins. Now until one of you comes to these meeting toting Voldemort in your fucking schoolbag, don’t give me anymore shit. Nobody has anything more than I do. We’re a lot of fucking teenagers with absolutely no idea what the bloody hell we are doing.”

The weight of anxiety and annoyance fell heavily on the group. Alice was right and they all knew that. When Loren, James, Lily, Remus and Sirius had started the hunt for Order members- they never thought they would have had so many volunteers. The people wanting to join were surprisingly high in number but that didn’t change the fact that they were going into this oncoming war blind and naïve of what their job was. Dumbledore had merely told them to keep their ears and eyes open, they would know the signs when they seen them.

At this point, either there hadn’t been any signs yet, or they all needed glasses.

“Now listen here, we are doing what we can and nothing has come of it and I hadn’t expected anything to so quickly but if you would kindly stop taking the Mickey out of me then I’ll stop pointing out the fact that you are no closer to finding a Dark Eater than the person sitting next to you.”

“Death Eater” Remus whispered


Remus turned a light shade of puce and cleared his throat; he wasn’t comfortable with the amount of heads that turned to look his way. “They’re called Death Eaters, Al.”

With narrowed eyes, Alice threw her hands up in the air, “Okay, Death Eaters, Death Drinkers, whatever they are calling themselves- the group of people that Voldemort would invite to tea! Which wasn’t my point exactly but none the less, do we all have a deal?”

The group nodded collectively, glancing around, they searched the faces of the other for answers. “What are we going to do then?” Sirius asked, knowing that was the question that was on everybody’s mind.

“Well” Loren started, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “We’re going to do nothing.”


“Nothing. As you can see, we’re on a witch hunt here and we seem to be looking in all of the wrong places. Maybe it’s time to sit back and let whatever is going to happen, happen. We can’t make proof appear and it’s driving us all a little mad.” Standing up and dusting off her uniform, Loren made her way to the wall, tapping at it with her wand. “So, I don’t know about the rest of you but what I plan to do is go get something to eat and then go to class and actually pay attention for the first time in weeks.” With that, she exited the room and did exactly that.


Ducking his head, the young man kept a steady pace as he slipped and skidded through the sleet that had plagued the coast of the tiny town he had been staying in for the last few weeks. Although he kept his face hidden under his hood, his eyes darted back and forth; the chatter of the other people attempting to make their way out of the storm set him on edge.

“Hey, boy!” Said a gruff voice.

A cold that had nothing to do with the icy rain slipped down the young man’s back. Grasping his wand tightly against his side, he turned to the owner of the voice. Letting his hood fall back, he searched the man’s face. Wrinkles framed his eyes and the scruff of hair that littered his cheeks and chin were peppered with the color of age. Relief pressed onto his chest, he didn’t recognize him and he didn’t seem to be recognized either.

“Yeh dropped this, lad. It’s little wet but I grabbed it ‘fore the wind could take it from yeh.” In his palm sat a soggy envelope, the ink of the front had started to run and the wax seal had split, the contents peeking out.

Taking the envelope from the old man and placing it into his pocket, the young man pulled his hood back up. “Thank you, Sir.” He said and turned back in the direction he had been heading.

“Bit ah odd weather we bin havin’, don’t yeh think? Me mum used ter tell me that weather like this was caused by a pain so deep that it made a fissure deep in the soul of the earth. Rubbish I used ter think but once yeh get older, yeh realize that anything is possible.”

“Yeah, maybe” Said the young man, “Well, thank you again for giving this back to me.”

“Hmm, hold on ter it tight, it seems important ter yeh. Good day, lad.”

Walking until he came to a hole in the wall inn, he looked once more behind him and then clambered through the door, the bell that hung above ringing in his entrance. Slipping out of his jacket, he made his way to the front desk. “Anything for me today, Liam?”

“Nope, nothing since what I gave you yesterday but I reckon nothing is going to be coming through the post today. Sorry, Sebastian.” The innkeeper replied.

A twang of disappointment ran through him. “Yeah, alright, well if you need me I’ll be in my room and if anybody else needs me, I’m-“

“You’re not here. I got it, mate. I’ll send up your dinner in a bit.”

Taking the stairs two at a time, Sebastian unlocked the door to his room and locked it swiftly behind him. Changing his clothes quickly, he sat down in front of the fire that Liam had ready for him every evening.

Sliding a finger into the envelope, Sebastian pulled out a piece of parchment, unfolding it gently, he began to read;


I’ve finally lost count of the number of letters that I’ve sent you but seeing as today is March 2nd, I haven’t spoken to you in 67 days. I’m sure that I have made it blatantly obvious, but, I am scared. I’m scared all of the time, every minute of the day, even when I’m asleep.

I wrote your brother, I’ve received no response and I fear the absolute worst. Where are you, Sebastian? These letters seem to be finding a home- wouldn’t the owl just bring them back to me if they were undeliverable? I also fear the day that shall happen. The thought that one day my letter will be brought back to me because there is no one there on the other end to receive pulls at my heart daily.

Please, Sebastian, if you are reading this, just let me know that you are okay. Tell me that you are unharmed and somewhere safe. Merlin, if you were to tell me that you have received every single letter of mine and you simply had no more room in your heart for me any longer, that would be okay. I wouldn’t be angry. I would be hurt, even crushed but I would never be angry. I put you through hell, Seb. I know that and I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you and looking at it now, I wouldn’t blame you for hating me. I would hate me, too. But please, before you label me as the girl that did nothing but break your heart, before you put all of the memories of me in a box and lock it away forever- let me clarify one thing.

Sebastian, I loved you. No matter the way I acted, or the space that I put between us, I loved you. I loved you so much and so deeply. You were that bit of light when I was constantly in the dark. You taught me so many things and you made such a large impact on my heart. I loved you, Sebastian and I will continue loving you for the rest of my life. I only wish that I could have loved you the way you deserved earlier. You will forever be a part of my heart and you will forever have piece of my heart.

Now just one more thing- the last night that we spoke, at the Christmas ball, you mentioned that I would know everything soon. You also asked me not to hate you when I found out and while I wonder all of the things that you could have done that would ever make me hate you, let me tell you this. I could never, ever hate you. I sat down and went through the list of horrible things you could have done and I decided, no matter what it may be, I will never hate you, Sebastian. I just needed you to know that. I needed you to know… just in case.
I miss you so much, Sebastian. I’ll write you again tomorrow.

Love you forever,

Loren x
PS- This will keep me with you, if you’d so want.

Turning the envelope over, a chain slipped out and landed in Sebastian’s lap. At the end of the long silver chain was a tiny crystal sphere that was no larger than the tip of his thumb and encased in the sphere was a perfectly formed tear drop. It glistened and sparkled, the colors of the fire dancing in its shape. It was one of her tears, it was a part of Loren contained forever for him to keep.

Slipping the chain over his head, he tucked the crystal under his shirt and felt it graze over his chest, the feeling of disappointment mingled with unending sadness mixed inside of him.

Folding the parchment and slipping it back into its envelope, Sebastian starred into the fire, the flames licking at the log that sat in the center, burning orange and red. His heart ached to write back to Loren but he knew that it was safer for her this way. He had talked himself out of the plan not to write her at least once a day.

Her words sat in his mind, tattooed to his brain, whirling around in an echo of her voice. He prayed that what she said were true, he hoped that she could never hate him but rightfully it was what he deserved. He deserved that and so much more.

Shaking away the thoughts of sending her a letter that simply said he was okay, Sebastian opened the door of the wardrobe and reached into the far back, pulling out a stack of letters that were bound together with a piece of leather. Slipping the newest letter on top of the stack, Sebastian placed it back in the wardrobe and shut the door tight. His heart would never stop aching.


Lucius Malfoy strode up the long drive to his family manor, his boots crunching into the rain soaked gravel. Making his way out of Hogwarts was not an easy task but it was worth it for tonight was a night of great importance. Tonight was the night that he would be reporting back to his lord and there was no room for error.

Having not made it out before curfew, Lucius had to make it up through the dungeons, to the entry hall and out of the great oak doors, all without alerting a single soul. He had made it all the way to whomping willow before the caretaker’s lantern could even be seen bobbling down the front steps. Slipping through a passage mingled in the roots of the great tree, he made his way into Hogsmeade, walked all the way to the edge of town with very little notice and then apparated to gates of the Malfoy Manor.

Not an easy task, no, but Lucius felt truly cocky. He had done it and with no help from anybody else. Lord Voldemort would be pleased with him and that very thought sent a shiver of sheer pride throughout his body.

Standing in the foyer of the home that had been passed down for generations, Lucius removes his coat and gloves.

“Master would like some tea?” A nearly decrepit elf asked, an old table runner wrapped haphazardly around her frame. Bulbous eyes sunk so far back into its skull they seemed to be drowning in leather. Reaching small hands up, the elf offered up a tea tray, a steaming cup already waiting.

“I have no time for that, Dizzy.” He cast off his coat to the house elf, engulfing her small frame with the heavy cloth. The tea tray clattered to the floor, the china shattering whilst hot water soaked into the Persian carpets. Dragging herself from under the enormous coat, Dizzy stood, large tears forming in her eyes as she wrung her mock dress of the freshly brewed tea. “My apologies, master.” She whispered.

“And clean up that mess!” Lucius thundered as he rounded the corner to the library. At the doors waited two mean, one the senior Malfoy and another unknown to Lucius. He had only attended one other meeting and the Dark Lord had not even presided. Lucius had never seen the one he called master, all of his demands had trickled down the grapevine, only making their way to Lucius in the form of letters written by his father.

“Father” He greeted

“Do you think you kept the Dark Lord waiting long enough, boy?”

“But I-“

“No time for chit chat, Lucius, this isn’t play time. This here is Lee Parker, Sebastian’s Father.” Mr. Malfoy laid a hand onto his friend’s shoulder, giving it a gruff squeeze.

A small sneer christened Lucius’ face, the cockiness overlaying the embarrassment of disappointing his father. “Ah, Mr. Lee” he drawled, “So good to meet you. Have you by any chance heard from Sebastian as of recent?”

A shred of shock passed over Lee Parker’s face. A color that resembled the shell of an egg was left behind as all of his blood ran cold. “No, I haven’t.”

Rubbing thumb and forefinger over his chin, Lucius raised a single brow, his sneer grew. “Oh, really?” He asked, not a single ounce of skepticism, only sarcasm, “I didn’t think so.”

Turning his back on the two men, Lucius walked into the library. The large chestnut table was lined with a handful of mean he recognized; the others were complete strangers to him. At the head of the table sat Lord Voldemort, or so Lucius assumed. He couldn’t imagine another man more threatening.

His skin was pale and almost iridescent, the blue of his veins barely hidden underneath his papery skin. His eyes were small but his pupils were even smaller, shaped like the thin slit of a snake’s, he couldn’t bring himself to look directly at him.

“Ah, so this is the young Malfoy” Voldemort said, leaning his chin on what one would normally take as praying hands. “I hear you come with some very critical words?” The hiss of his words took Lucius as critical and instantly the cockiness he had felt earlier that night was gone. He was nothing more than a boy, standing in front of an impatient king.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Lucius.” Voldemort clicked his tongue and smiled. “You mustn’t think like that. I’m very interested in whatever it is that you have to say.”

The table of men chuckled and all eyes fell onto Lucius. Lucius involuntarily stepped back, banging into the desk that had been shoved against the wall to make room for the giant table. Voldemort could see into his mind. For all he knew, he was picking apart his brain at that very moment.

Fear crept into his chest and squeezed. Trying to keep his brain fuzzy, Lucius took the chair that was offered to him, he sat at the left of Voldemort. This was no longer a meeting in a deserted corridor; Lucius wasn’t going to be giving orders, he wasn’t in charge.

Voldemort twirled his wand between long, thin fingers, the sinister smile never leaving his face. “So young Malfoy, what is it that have come here to tell me? Speak loud; you are, after all, the man of the hour.”

Again the laughter started around the table and finally Lucius figured out what was going on. He was being made a mockery. He wasn’t here because Voldemort really believed that he had vital information, he was there as entertainment. “Stop laughing! I’ve come here because some of those who claim to be on the side of the Dark Lord are lying!” Lucius bellowed, anger bubbling up. He slammed his hand down onto the table.

Fits of laughter broke out and again realization hit him, the men in the room thought of him as a child having a fit, he was the toddler that threw his rattle out of the pram.

“Enough.” Voldemort said, raising a hand, instantly the room was silent. Narrowing his snake-like eyes, he continued. “Allegations like those, Lucius, are very serious. Beguile all of those in the room, who are you speaking of?”

As Voldemort said this, Lucius glanced to floor beside his chair. A snake, larger than any he had ever seen, lay curled in a massive mound, sharp tongue darting out every few seconds. Its eyes stared at Lucius’ chest, never wavering; it was as if the snake could hear every thump of his heart, like it could smell the pump of blood from vein to vein. Lucius seemed to be paralyzed. His hands clamped hard around the arms of the chair he sat in, his breathing halted.

Whispers from around the room fell on deaf ears, all Lucius could hear was the thrumming of his pulse.

“Lucius, the Dark Lord has spoken to you!” His father said harshly from beside him.

“Now, now, give the boy a minute. He hasn’t properly been introduced to Nagini.” Reaching to the floor, Voldemort stroked the head of the snake lovingly. “Beautiful isn’t she, Lucius?” Voldemort laid a hand over one of Lucius’.

Like a bucket of ice cold water was poured over his head, he started. Ripping his eyes away from the snake, Lucius looked straight into the face of Voldemort. “Now then, who is it you suspect?”

“I- I- I don’t suspect anybody, my lord. I overheard a conversation of admittance, you see.” Lucius dug his nails into the arms of the chair, gnashing his teeth together.

“And who isn’t as loyal as they claim, young Malfoy?” Voldemort pursed his thin lips and eyes each member sitting at the table.

“Benjamin, Thomas and Sebastian Parker, my lord.”

Intake of breath and hasty glances to the end of the table weren’t spared. Slowly Voldemort turned his head to stare directly at Lee Parker.

“I overheard Benjamin Parker admit to him and Thomas being in the Order!” Lucius continued, “He told Sebastian the history of Loren Evans. Sebastian has left Hogwarts, Sire, he thinks he can save her and her family!”

“My lord?” Lee begged, “It is not true! We are loyal! We are eternally loyal!” Standing from his spot, Lee Parker started to kneel.

“Ah, ah, ah, Lee.” Voldemort closed his eyes for a moment. “It seems that the boy is not lying. It’s too bad you couldn’t keep your family together, Lee.”

“Please, my lord! Please! I can fix this.” Lee interjected, his body shook visibly.

“Fix this? I have no time for disloyalty; I’ve made that very clear. It’s rather unfortunate, though. I made the mistake to think your family would be of great use. It seems you’ll have to meet the same fate as your wife.” Voldemort ceased stroking Nagin’s head and sat straighter in his chair.

“My- my wife? What do you mean, my Lord?”

“You are smarter than that, Lee!” Voldemort hissed, “I killed her and as I said, it’s unfortunate but your wife died at my hands as will the rest of your family.”

Lee Parker backed up slowly, his back pressing to the closed double doors that led out of the library. Slowly he slipped a hand into the pocket of his midnight blue robes. “I trusted you!” Lee yelled, ripping his wand out, he pointed it at Voldemort, heartbroken tears poured down his ragged face.

“Well I guess we all make mistakes.” Voldemort turned back to the snake that slept soundly through the commotion. “Nagini, dinner.” He whispered.

“No!” Lee Parker screamed and grabbed the door handle but before he could open them, the snake struck, enormous body slammed into the stocky man, pinning him to the ground. Fangs sunk deep into his wrinkled neck and his screams and protests were lost in a gurgle of fresh blood.

“Now, Macnair, I want you to find the two oldest Parker boys and bring them to me.” Voldemort stood, walking over to what remained of Lee Parker, nudging the body with a toe; he motioned for Nagini to follow him. “Oh and Lucius, since you have proved yourself to me tonight, I want you to go back to school, take a pick of who you want to accompany you. You will be bringing Sebastian Parker to me, is that clear?”

Lucius swallowed audibly and kneeled in front of his master, “Yes, my lord.”


- Hey all! I hope you're as pleased with this chapter as I am. I wanted to make up for the very short filler that I posted last, so here you are. Let me know what you think about the flow of the story and how it's turning out, comments are fantastic, you know.

Chapter 34: Five Senses
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“But I’ll be okay-
Is that what you want me to say?”

The Last Something That Meant Anything- Mayday Parade

Loren twirled her quill absentmindedly, eyes scanning the skies as fluffy white clouds drifted lazily in the early spring morning. Turning back to her stomach, Loren finished off her final sentence in the paper she had been working on for weeks.

The voices of her friends could be heard echoing through the air, coaxing to Loren to hurry up. Glancing down at her watch Loren sighed and starting to pack up her belongings. Everybody was leaving for the first outing to Hogsmeade since the weather had warmed.

Standing, Loren made her way to her group checking back to make sure she had not left anything behind. Loren had been doubling her efforts with her school work and her marks were reflecting it quite nicely, life right now was quiet. If that was any indication of what was in store for the last few months of school, Loren was unsure. She could only hope because will it might be quiet the battle that was going on inside of her was all too loud.


“Where do you want to go first, guys?” James potter craned his neck to look at his friends, his fingers intertwined with Lily’s. The sun shone down, the temperature rising slowly toward the afternoon.

“I need more parchment!” said Remus

“Oh, me too! And some potion ingredients!” agreed Lily

“I need to stop and get new quidditch gloves.” Chimed in James.

“Wherever we go, we need coffee first.” Sirius pronounced.

James’ question was met with a fluster of answers. The winter had dragged on for what felt like ages and the young friends needed to stretch their legs. The cold weather cabin fever had finally lifted and the blue skies were intoxicating. It was hard to believe that it had only been a few days since the castle felt bone chillingly cold and now they walked the ground in light jackets and traded in their boots for trainers.

As they walked toward the village, Loren searched the skies waiting as she ever was for any word from Sebastian. Fear crept deep in her belly, burning a trail into her soul. It had been months without a word from Sebastian, absolute radio silence on his end but still, she wrote. Still she poured her heart into letters to him, begging for answers, imploring him to give word that he was okay.

To Loren it felt as if a giant pause button had been hit, bits and pieces of her existence not able to move forward because anxiety rooted her to the last moments she had spoken to Sebastian. The fear in his voice, the tenseness that formed his body, the unease in his eyes ate at Loren every day. She remembered like it was yesterday, standing alone in the Potter’s garden, cold in the winter air, her party dress wet from the melted snow. Still, though, life went on. Each day passed, every hour moved, seconds ticked by and disappeared like a glass of water with a crack in it, water spilling out but barely inconceivable. The only way you would notice the crack is by the circle of water left on the table once you removed the glass.

A hand brushed her own and Loren started, pulled from her own dark reverie. Glancing up, she was met with smoldering gray eyes, searching her face. Sirius. The look that sat upon his classic features was one he kept on reserve for her and only her. As the weeks had past, Loren had caught Sirius, on several occasions, starring at her, deep worry pulling at his brow. In class, across the table in the Great Hall, across his parchment as they sat in the library studying, it was always there whenever she was not looking, or so he thought. It did not anger her because she knew she mirrored him, worry created her appearance and while most may not notice, Sirius always did.

Loren starred at Sirius and all she could think in that moment was how much they had changed. So much had happened in the past seven months, so many moments that had changed their minds, their hearts. How much had happened that changed their futures compared to where they stood in that last week before school started? Where would they end up once school was over? What about in the years after that?

Had Loren played it right? Had she made all the right choices, or as it felt right then in that moment, all of the wrong ones? She internalized this confusion every day, Loren let it stew and steep and bitter her actions every day. She could not remember the last time she truly laughed, that last time she truly felt carefree. When was that last time she felt like a teenager rather than older than the world itself?

“Loren, what is it? What is going on?” But before she could answer Sirius pulled gently on her hand, slipping quietly away from the group, “Come with me.”

Following behind, Loren wondered what could actually be said. What was wrong? What was going on? It would be a lie to say everything and an even bigger lie to say nothing. Loren heard a chime above her head and was once again coaxed from her own thoughts; Sirius pushed her down into a chair and sat down across from her. A low buzz of voices, the clink of empty glasses being cleared and the creak of wooden floorboards as patrons made their way to the bar.

Madame Rosmerta came into focus, tendrils of hair poking out from her messy chignon. They were at the Three Broomsticks, nestled in a back corner, as far from the commotion as they could be and hidden from the outsiders passing by the windows. “Two butter beers, Rosmerta, that’ll be it.” Sirius smiled at the barkeep and leaned forward, reaching forward to cradle Loren’s face in his large palm.

“You must tell me what’s going on, Loren. “ Again worry crinkled the corners of Sirius’s eyes. “I don’t know that I can help but I can promise to listen.”

Loren chewed at her bottom lip, reaching up she laid her hand over Sirius’s and pressed her cheek further into his palm. Shutting her eyes and savoring the feeling of absolute stillness, Loren breathed deep.

“Sirius, everything is wrong. Everything is falling apart, everything I know doesn’t seem to make sense anymore and if I am to be nothing but honest… I don’t know that I recognize myself anymore.”

Madame Rosmerta shuffled back, placing two mugs of butter beer on the tables with a thud, the smell of warmed sugar assaulting their noses “Enjoy, Poppets!” sang the woman and slipped away, pointing her wand at a broom in the corner cajoling it to sweep away the dust bunnies from under the tables.

Loren looked up, searching Sirius’s eyes, tears forming in the corner of her own. Blinking hard, she wrapped her hands around her drink, the warmth from the mug leeched into her skin heated her to core. “Sirius, everything is absolutely wrong.” A tear dropped from her eye, landing in a small plink on the wood table and spreading into the deep grain.

“Talk to me, Loren. I’m right here, with you. I’m not going anywhere. I just want to listen, please talk to me.” Sirius said.

“Have I done everything wrong, Sirius? I’ve messed everything up. This year is nothing as it should be. Every moment that has gone by I have had to second guess because I am making wrong choices left and right, I can’t focus anymore because my regrets have become so deafening. The fights that I’ve had with you, with Lily, Ava walking out on our group and Peter, too! What I did to Tanya at the beginning of the year. That night in the hospital wing with you…” Loren trailed off, starring deeply into Sirius’s eyes; all of her emotion laid onto the table, next their mugs of butter beer. “Everything with my family. For God’s sake, my brother is missing one of the most important years of schooling to help keep my father safe from a very powerful wizard who wants nothing to more than to see my family buried deep in the ground.”

Tears streamed haphazardly from Loren’s deep green eyes and her hands shook violently. Sirius’s eyes moved back and forth, taking in every single inch of the emotional mess that sat before him. His heart beat deeply in his chest and his stomach twisted, every fight being brought to the surface, each line of bad news, ten crescent shaped scars that riddled the face of his ex-girlfriend, fear, anger, anxiety.

“A man who wants my family dead because of a power that I cannot even control… Sirius, everything is falling apart. I am unraveling at the seams. I did so many things that I can’t take back, all of the bad I did to Sebastian. God, Sebastian.” A new wave of tears broke free and Loren hunched over, her forehead leaning on to the table, their drinks forgotten next to them. “Sirius, I haven’t heard from him in months and I am scared. I had seen him at the Christmas party, Sirius. He came to me at James’ house and he was terrified, he was hurt and covered in bruises. He wouldn’t tell me what was going on, he just kept apologizing. He asked me not to hate him, Sirius but he wouldn’t tell me why but I don’t. I don’t hate him. I can’t hate him. The only person I hate is myself. I hate every single thing about myself right now. I’ve done so much bad. I’ve made all of the wrong choices.”

Sobs racked Loren’s body, her arms wrapping around her middle shook with uneven breaths. Her teeth clenched hard against the moans of pain that threatened to leave her throat.

Sirius’s sat back, a deep sigh escaping him. He hadn’t thought of Sebastian, Loren hadn’t mentioned him in so long. Hatred for that man that she had loved seeped into him, anger tasted bitter in his mouth. Sebastian had been there? At the Christmas party? Before he and Loren had danced? Sirius’s mind wandered back to that night and let his brain replay Loren walking confidently towards him from the staircase, his heart started to skip beats. Her words sunk deep into his mind, he felt the contempt she held for herself and he was angry. Angry that, although he had no idea what, Sebastian had done something so wrong he needed to crash the Potter’s Christmas party to apologize, angry that he had left with no explanation, angry that Loren could so easily hate herself when she was the most easy to love person.

Loren sat quietly across from Sirius, tears still pouring down her cheeks, her eyes crazily searching Sirius’s for some clue to what he was thinking. “Sirius, I loved Sebastian. I did and I did nothing to show him that. He left and I haven’t heard from him since and I think he is in trouble. I think he is hurt or lost. Sirius, what if he is dead? I didn’t love him properly enough and I will always regret that. I was too busy falling in love with you to love him the way I swore I did.”

Hope bloomed bright white and liquid in Sirius’s bones, flowing through his blood, changing the taste of anger to that of happiness. It wasn’t the first time Loren had said those words, it wasn’t the first time his stomach flipped at the soft chime of her admittance of love, not by a long shot. It wasn’t the first time but it felt just as glorifying as the first time, just as enthralling, just as right. Sirius hoped with every fiber in himself that it wouldn’t the last.

Glancing once at the broken girl that loved him, Sirius relaxed, he left the anger ebb. How many times had he promised to protect her? How many times had the he promised to do right by her? Sadness filled him, how many times had he broken that promise out of anger, out of jealousy, out of spite?

No more, Black, he thought. You can’t keep doing this to her even if this doesn’t work out in your favor, you can’t keep doing this. Make your promises and keep them. Be the man she needs.

“Listen to me, Loren, listen to me and please understand that words I am saying.” Loren swallowed, unsure of what was going to be said, her hands gripped the edge of her seat, her ankles crossing and uncrossing and then crossing again.

“You are right; so many things have gone wrong this year. So many moments haven’t gone as they should of. I have my own list of regrets, I have my own demons from the choices that I have made.” Sirius paused, gathering his thoughts, his fingers reaching to cover Loren’s small hand. “However, the night in the hospital wing will never be one of them; the night in the bathroom on New Year’s Eve will never be one of them. I-“ Sirius was cut short by a gasp.

Loren could feel her eyes pop open wide, her palms becoming sticky with sweat and her insides swimming in a sea of confusion and then pleasure. New Year’s Eve… memories flood her vision. Rough, needy hands on her waist, her face, her thighs. Desperate, desire filled kisses and beautiful steely colored eyes. Sirius’s mouth on her own, his hands all over her body. It was Sirius. Before her thoughts could run away any farther than they had, Sirius brought her back to reality.

“All of our fights, those moments I do not regret. What I do regret are my actions after, how I coped with my anger towards you. Towards everyone. Please realize that every fight you and I have had this year, every fight you and Lily have had has brought us to where we are now. It has strengthened us and our relationships. Loren, you and I could fight every single day; you could tell me you hated me every moment for the next year and I would still feel the same. I would still not be able to stay the hell away from you. Don’t you realize that? It’s just how we are; it’s just how it goes. You, me, James, Remus and Lily, we are in this forever. We will fight for one another for the rest of our lives. Sure, Ava left, sure Peter betrayed us but that will not keep happening, not with us. Right now, the ground is shaky under of feet, the world is turning upside down and we have no choice but to go with it. It’s hard, it’s pretty bloody scary but will we make it through. We have all made bad choices but the silver lining in that is that we realized, that we apologized, that we feel truly guilty for what we have done. It can’t be taken back, Loren. We can’t start over but we can make things right from this point on. Shit happens, Lor. However it goes, however it happens I never want to hear you say that you hate yourself. You’ve made mistakes but you are still one of the most loving, kindhearted and true people I have ever met Loren. You are brave and so loyal. Loren you are scarlet and gold through and through. More Gryffindor than anybody I have ever met. ” Sirius stood up and walked around the small wood table, crouching down and pulling Loren into him, his muscled arms encircling her.

Loren could feel the broken pieces, falling back into place, his words mending the holes and the cracks, restarting her heart that felt like it stopped beating months ago. The tears on her face dried and she caught her breath.

“I have broken too many promises. I have made shitty choices and I’ve done it out of anger and hurt. Please, look at me Loren. Really look at me, really listen to me when I say this-“ Sirius cupped Loren’s jaw and pulled her gaze to his, his nose almost grazing hers, his breath warming her cheeks and smelling of peppermint and his few sips of butter beer. Loren’s blood heated at the proximity. “- I promise to you right this moment, I swear to you on everything I have ever loved, I will help you. I will fix you. I promise you that I will help you figure out what’s going on with Sebastian. I will help find him if that is what you need. Loren, I just want to see you smile, it has been weeks since I seen your cheeks get rosy and your eyes shine. Loren I will do whatever I can to make you happy, I promise.”

The words floated through the air, singing softly in Loren’s ears. The last word pregnant with so much emotion, so much truth and for the first time in so long Loren felt whole. Her fears were not quieted completely but they were no longer screaming. Her anxiety wasn’t crippling but only throbbing. The world might be turning upside down but her world was turning upright for the first time in so long.

Leaning forward Loren placed her forehead against Sirius’s, letting out a slow shaky breath she placed her hands on either side of his face. She could feel the heat coming from his skin, the light stubble brushing the pads of her fingers and Loren craved the feeling. It was all she hoped for and more, her hands on his face let her believe that it was all real. It wasn’t a dream.

Sirius’ hand made his way to Loren’s chin, his thumb tracing back and forth over her lip. His senses were overloaded, his finger on her mouth, his arm around her middle and all he could smell was her. Leaning down, Sirius let his lips find hers in a soft kiss. It wasn’t needy or fueled by desire but it was a seal on a promise that he would rather die than break because her happiness was what made his world right.

Touch, smell, his eyes closed for the moment, his ears filled with the buzz of the bar’s customers and taste. The taste of her lips, soft and salty from her tears that he was able to stop.


Sebastian sat in the sand, his cheeks chapped and red from the cool coastal breeze. He watched in wonder as the waves crashed down on the shore and then seemed to swell from nowhere and charge forward. The white peaks of foam surged on, catching bits of driftwood and seaweed within it, kissing the land and spraying Sebastian with a shower of icy drops.

Sebastian squinted his eyes as the sun moved overhead, reflecting from the water in bright, blinding rays. His hands moved from the sand to the chain that he wore around his neck every day, a reminder of the mistakes he had made. It was a reminder of the choices he made that he could not fix.

The air was thick with the smell of salt and sunshine, the small town he had chosen as his hide out was beautiful this time of year and he wished he could really enjoy it.

Had it really been only days since his brother had come to him with news of his father’s death? Lee Parker had been killed by Voldermort and now, though only in word, he was an orphan; both of his parents having met the same fate by the same man.

At first the anger had boiled within him, rage came next as he tore apart the room he was renting. Sebastian broke everything he could get his hands on, threw everything into the small hearth fire and then crumpled into a heap at his brother’s feet where he cried until his throat was raw. His family was destroyed but then again, he deserved it. After all, he had helped Voldermort in the attempt to destroy Loren’s family.

But that was at first, the anger was the beginning. Now what was there? Only defeat. Sebastian couldn’t win, he couldn’t undo the things he had done and all though his brothers had come with promises of protection from the Order of The Phoenix he refused. He would spend his life running because he deserved it, he deserved to feel fear every time turned the corner, he deserved the lurch of his heart every single time he heard a noise that he convinced himself was somebody apparating to take him away. Sebastian deserved to feel his heart breaking into a million pieces every time an owl tapped at his window with a letter from Loren. It hadn’t stopped, the letters, they came faithfully three times a week, sometimes more. Some of the letters sounded hopeful, most desperate.

He wanted nothing more than write her back, to calm her fears and to answer every question but it wasn’t the right time. The letter was ready, written and rewritten until he believed it be everything he needed it be. He would send it when the time was right but he wasn’t caught yet, he wasn’t done yet. It was a miserable life but at least he was, for now, alive.

He had spent the better half of the last four months in this sleepy, tiny town and this was only the fourth or fifth time that he had spent more than ten minutes away from his room. He was slowly giving up and he needed some type of hope.

Just for today he was giving up his black cloak and five minute runs and was taking a risk. He remembered the outings with his family to the sea. He remembered the sandwiches they packed and the sand stuck to their damp legs and feet. Sebastian remembered his parents swinging him between them, arms clasped tightly around his to let his feet barely skim the foamy waves. The sun that warmed him from the inside out and tanned his olive skin even darker, he yearned to make those memories come back to life. So he ran down to the hills to the sandy cliffs that bordered the water, slid down to the spongey water soaked sand and took off his shoes. It just wasn’t the same, how could it be? His parents were dead and his brothers were far away fighting the good fight and trying their hardest to protect the family that he had put in danger.

Running his fingers once more through the sand, Sebastian grabbed a handful letting it slip through his fingers, feeling comforted by how like his life the sand was. It was constantly moved and changed, picked up in the breeze and washed away by waters that could not be predicted. He did this; he had to live with it.

Standing up, Sebastian slipped his shoes back on and walked up the hill back to the sandy cliff, turning once more he took one last look out into the sea. He wanted to imprint this into his memory forever, every detail, and every single scene. He captured the green of the rushing water and the whites of the peaks, he committed to memory the blue of the sky and the breeze blowing the blades of grass to their sides. One last look to keep the caves that surrounded the West side of the sea a permanent part of his memory, every detail, the gray to black of the rocks, the silver of the sea too far away to make out. Every single small detail, the feeling of the warm air heavy on his clothes, the shine of white blonde from the man standing to the East almost out of sight- Sebastian started, focusing harder on this man who seemed to be starring right back at him.

Long blonde hair blowing in the breeze, black cloak whipping and swaying around his legs, a familiar sneer, it was Lucius Malfoy.

Sebastian ran, apparating as he did, the world around him warping and turning as he did, the sound of another apparating just after him. He popped into another town and ran, hearing the pop of an incoming enemy.

One more apparition to the alleyway behind the inn that he stayed in and Sebastian hoped as he turned the corner that he had given himself enough time to grab what he came back for and get out, racing into the small building Sebastian stopped at the front desk.

“Liam is there anything for me?” He voice came out pinched and nervous, his breath ragged.

The inn keeper filed through the paper on his desk nervously and handed Sebastian a letter, Loren’s familiar seal stamped hard and comforting on the back.

Shoving the letter down deep into his pocket, Sebastian reached forward and hastily shook the man’s hand. “Thank you so much for everything Liam, really. I just wanted to say goodbye.” Before the young muggle man could say anything Sebastian had turned and taking the stairs three at a time, bounded into his room and tore a brick from the fireplace hearth. Reaching in a hand, Sebastian pulled out the letter he had written for Loren.

Opening the rolled parchment, he glanced over it one more time and then rolled it up, sealing it quickly and hastily. Pulling the owl that sat sleeping in the cage beside the bed, he tightly tied the letter to its leg and opened the window, watching as it took flight and arced over the tops of the neighboring buildings disappearing across the sea.

Grabbing his cloak and wrapping it tightly around himself, Sebastian glanced out the window, seeing nothing at all. Sighing with relief, Sebastian turned to grab his wand, just in time to hear the doorknob click as the door swung open.

Sebastian grasped quickly for his wind.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have been faster than that Parker.” Lucius Malfoy stood, wand raised and pointed at Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian’s fingers flexed but fell short of his wand, his blood thrumming loudly in his throat.

Lucius moved closer, closing the distance between them, his wand still pointed at Sebastian. He walked forward and collected the wand that sat on the windowsill, pocketing it quickly. “The Dark Lord wishes to see you, Parker. You didn’t think you could hide for much longer, did you?” Lucius chuckled and sneered.

One last sigh of relief, Sebastian had been caught but at least Loren would finally hear from him.


A/N - Oh my gosh, hey ya'll! So let's get straight to the point. I hate literally wondered and wondered whether to just set this story to abandon and go on with my life but every time I got to that point it nagged at me until I was left unsure. All I know is that I have been writing on this story for years, I have grown and changed as both a person and writer, not only do I owe the people that loved this story some closure but myself as well. I can't promise a master piece and I cannot promise that I will get all lose ends tied up (but I am hoping to come close) but I do promise that I WILL finish this story. I have the remaining chapters outline and as there isn't much to go, hopefully I can pound them out. I let this story change its path to suit the changes the characters needed and I want to know how it will end just as much as though who were there originally. I hope you enjoyed this angsty chapter and I hope I grab some more readers as I finish this story out. It will get completed and it will be very soon. Good day, all!