You are viewing a story from

Oh to be a Slytherin by Incense_Snake18

Format: Novel
Chapters: 13
Word Count: 21,091
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Drama, Romance, Young Adult
Characters: Neville, Draco, Pansy, Blaise (M), OC
Pairings: Draco/OC

First Published: 02/11/2008
Last Chapter: 02/27/2010
Last Updated: 02/27/2010


Oh to be a Slytherin girl, oh yes we have it perfect, apparently. As a Slytherin you're not just striving for perfection, you are perfection. In the way we walk, talk and hold ourselves. A lot of us come from a long line of of pure blood royalty. Some of us achieve this naturally others may have to work a little harder to keep up.

Chapter 1: So it starts...
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A/N: Okay so I deleted the other story cause I wasn't happy with it, I started writing this one and it's already completed......I like this one alot more! so send the reviews and let me know what you think of the first chapter!

Another year passes the world gets a little darker.
As I grow older I become a more aware of what is really going on.
I establish the differences between wrong and right and I suddenly realise that the lie that I've been hiding for so long, that small secret that I was told to keep to myself isn't quite as small as I thought it was.
My innocence was taken away and I lost out on a child hood.
I found comfort soon after my 11th year, being able to escape even for a little while was like a light at the end of the tunnel, but then I always did have to return back.
Now I'm edging so close to freedom, 17 is my salvation and I await this moment with great anticipation.
This year is my final year.
Can one summer change a person completely?
My world is becoming ever so slightly ironic.

Oh to be a Slytherin girl, oh yes we have it perfect, apparently. As a Slytherin you're not just striving for perfection, you are perfection. In the way we walk, talk and hold ourselves. A lot of us come from a long line of of pure blood royalty. Some of us achieve this naturally others may have to work a little harder to keep up.

My name is Marianna and I am certainly not perfect. Though it's hard to spot this. I've become the master of achieving the ultimate masquerade. Oh don't get me wrong many of us Slytherin's are great at being chameleons but I top them all. I rule my house a long with a select few whom at a very early age have grasped the concept of being a dictator. We are 'The untouchables'.

So let me fill you in on our flawless little group.

Draco Malfoy – Leading man and overall champion of our house, total heart throb though I wouldn't go near him, but girls they just fall at his feet, arrogant, egotistical and selfish.

Caleb O'Neil – Right hand man, quiet, composed and scheming, he notices everything and nothing can be hidden from him, though he can read everyone else this guy is a pretty closed book.

Auria De Marco – Slytherin's resident 'IT' girl, sarcastic and shallow, Vanity could be her middle name, she cares for no one except herself and maybe shopping, ugly people do not even have the privilege of making eye contact with her as far as she is concerned.

Marianna Van Luton – that is me, I'm perceived as a real life sized china doll, flawless skin, hair and body, intellectual and full of myself, arrogant and proud. Who am I really? I'm not quite sure.

'MARIANNA HURRY UP!' came a call from down stairs.

I stood at the mirror motionless for a second, tracing my hair line delicately with my forefinger. There I stood 17 years old, tall, olive skin, dark brown eyes and black hair. This was to be it, this was who I had grown into. Yet I still felt an unbelievable sense of unsatisfactory displeasure at the image that was reflected before me. Puberty was such a strange concept, growing out and upwards and all sorts of horror like factors that came with it. Shaking off this thought I slowly made it down the stairs to my frantic mother, she ran about in a blind panic as she made it very aware that we were running rather late.

'Why must we take a muggle car to the station?' commented my sister finally as we entered the big black vehicle.

'Don't be such a snob Amilia' I poked her roughly in the arm.

I detested the way my younger siblings had been brought up, they were brain washed into hating anything that wasn't 'pure blood'. I thought it was rather convenient that my parents had forgotten to mention the fact that in our great wizarding family we had at least two squibs born into it, but then they both 'mysteriously' went missing.

My mother threw me a disgruntled look as she followed us into the car.

'Now I've explained to you ever year that we must drive to the station in order for the silly muggles to not suspect that we are witches and wizards, but then remember what I told you about muggles?' my mother so proudly conversed with my little sister.

'Muggles are good for nothing scum who don't know their brains from their elbows' recited my little sister throwing a bratish smile my way.
My parents honestly thought the sun shone out of her little back side. She's everything my parents wanted in a daughter, she's everything that I certainly am not. The only thing that I managed to achieve which remotely deserved my parent's praise was getting into Slytherin which every single member of our family has managed to do, so it was not like it was a real achievement anyway!

I sat in silence as my mother bragged on about my sister becoming a prefect. I tried to mentally block her out as her insufferable voice began to sink right under my skin. Sighing to myself I soon let relief wash over me as Kings Cross station came into sight.

Rushing off down the platform I left my family behind to find any familiar faces, and there they stood, my heart settled a little as I took in their profiles and quickly composing myself I put my game face on ready for this final year.

'Marianna!' came a little squeal and suddenly I was swept up into a little embrace. Pushing back slightly I scowled as I noticed the person before me.

'Shove off Pansy!' I spat as I pushed the pug faced wretch away from me. I felt as if I was now in need of a shower as I carried on walking towards 'The untouchables'.

'Well look who it is! Balance is restored, where have you been all summer?' asked Auria my partner in crime.

I quickly stumbled about in my head trying to find an excuse but before I could say anything the train let out an enormous ear piercing sound, a signal for us to get on and find a compartment.

'Nevermind that lets get on!' called Draco over the sound. I mentally thanked him as we climbed on board, shaking my head I wondered how long I would keep all of this up.

The train was not as full as usual but still busy all the same and I couldn't help but feel a slight queasiness as claustrophobia kicked in, people swept past as we pushed our way to find a compartment. Momentarily closing my eyes I quietly whispered words of comfort to myself. I was never very good in crowds.

'Get out' I heard suddenly as my eyes snapped open, I then realised Draco had thrown a load of 1st years out of a compartment. Here was the very beginning of a brand new year, our final year and I wasn't sure if I was sad that it was all ending.

The train journey was long and tiresome as Auria sat commenting on every single person that walked past our compartment, she honestly disliked everyone. Auria was the type of girl that knew all the gossip and if there wasn't any gossip she would just simply make some up for her own entertainment. I have such a fondness for this girl but at times especially ones like this my patience for her would start to wear thin.

My eyes wondered over towards the guys, they had all certainly grown an extra few inches over the summer as they transformed from boys into young men. I smiled slightly taking in their broad shoulders and strong forearms. Caleb sat talking quietly to Blaise Zambini about quidditch as Draco sat silently staring out the window. He let one arm perch against the window sill with his chin rested upon his hand. Small lines across his forehead made his expression seem intense and brooding. Last year was one that I certainly couldn't forget but I wondered as I sat watching him whether he felt anything, any sort of remorse or guilt. Sighing slightly I removed myself away from him, Picking up a book I buried my head into it hoping that this would shut Auria up.

Students were running thin slightly as parents refused to send their kids back to Hogwarts after the death of Albus Dumbledore. As we all sat at the Slytherin table I noticed a few familiar faces were missing especially from my own year. At this point I knew it was not wise to question this.

After only 6 weeks away from the school and suddenly everything could change. Shuffling my food slightly all I could do was leave these thoughts behind as I concentrated on not failing my year. Auria carried on nattering away as we ate, I know she was supposed to be my best friend but I just started to grow inpatient with her constant bitching over things that well to be honest had no relevance to anything considering what was going on in the world beyond these walls. Auria was never the kind of person to care about anyone but herself, I least expected this would change even now.

'These are good times for us' I overheard Caleb talking to Blaise, a shudder went straight down my spine. Since when was it okay to talk about the Dark Lord so openly as this? Was I missing something?

'Oi! are you listening?' My head snapped up as Caleb drove his elbow into Draco's ribs.
'yeah' he muttered back shuffling his food around on his plate.

'He's been like this all summer' Auria whispered leaning in over my shoulder, ' He's looking ever so slightly warn down don't you think? Disappearing for days on end then returning with dark rings around his eyes, my first guess was well you know going on missions for you-know-who but after what happened last year I doubt he's even been allowed back into the circle.'

Yet again I set my eyes upon the boy that sat across from me. I had to admit he certainly did look tired almost frustrated. As my eyes remained upon him I started to wonder away with my thoughts, thinking of him over the summer almost like a hero travelling all over the world on some sort of mission being defeated by his own concious each time, maybe a little bit of good sinking into him. Suddenly his eyes flashed into mine as his head rose up, it was almost as if he could feel me looking at him. Panic set in as I felt this overwhelming fear of the unknown sink in. I turned my gaze away to leave him alone in his own little introverted world.

Hello new year, goodbye good times.
What happened to all of us?
We certainly aren't children any more.
We certainly aren't friends........We're almost strangers..........

Chapter 2: Tainted love...
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A/N: ok so if you havn't guessed this story is based vaguely on the final harry potter book D/H, if you havn't read it or the 6th book i'm not sure if you'll want to read this cause it does contain some spoilers.

but all the same enjoy! let me know what you think!

You know what my favourite past time is? Watching the sky turn from blue into that pinky orange colour just as it begins to set, apparently it's called twilight. I've found myself watching this happen every evening all the way through the summer to now. As I watch the sun set I often ask myself questions especially about who I am.
I must admit to you all that I'm having somewhat of an identity crisis.
What side do I join now the war is raging on?
Whilst I'm here at Hogwarts it gives me time to at least make a decision, out in the world I might not have so much time to make up my own mind, especially with parents like mine.
Let me take you back 5 weeks, This was when I started to really question my place in the universe.

What a beautiful summers day it had been, walking I found myself so content even with the events that had taken place only a few weeks before hand.
I watched my feet guide me back towards my home
walking, walking, walking
sirens sirens sirens,
My heart sunk into my stomach as I saw the dreadful sight
Police cars, muggles everywhere, yellow tape, tears
running towards my house my mother greeted me warmly but this was strange she never did such things,
police interviewed everyone in the neighbourhood
Mr Fred and Margeret Price had died
very suspicious but no sign of a break in or a struggle, no external injuries
eventual reports for the cause of death were 'heart attacks',
well that's what the muggles thought anyway.
I knew differently, My parents hated muggles with a passion
They seemed awfully happy with themselves.......

After that there were more reports of suspicious deaths all around the country much to my parents delight. Was I so wrong in objecting against them? My father certainly though so, he couldn't even look at me in the eye. He spent the rest of the summer using his rage to intimidate me. His hand across my face was a common occurrence in our household but it started to get worse, eventually I was such a disgrace to him that I was forbidden to leave the house or make contact with anyone. I dared not go against his wishes he was a man not to be questioned or to be fooled around with.

So do I join the dark side out of fear?
Or do I go for the light because it's the right thing to do?

Professor Snape was now successor of Dumbledore, to many this was a bad thing but for our house this was a time of celebration. I couldn't even stand sitting in the common room at times as I heard plans of a victory, how everyone thought that it was just inevitable especially now Snape was in charge.

'What is it that has changed you?' asked Auria one day as we sat in the common room.
I was filing through my work trying to sort out what needed to be done.
'Usually you gossip away with me and tease the younger girls, is it a boy?' she asked with a little glint in her eye. I didn't want to crush her hopes so I just merely smiled at her.
I wish it was a boy, life would be a little less complicated if that was all I had to worry about.

Once again Draco came striding into the common room, looking like he was about to hit someone. All were diverted towards his presences as he walked over to us and slumped into the couch next to me.
'Drakie my darling, let me massage your shoulders' squealed Pansy as she came skipping over.
Placing her hands on his shoulders I scowled in her direction, she reminded me almost of a leech latching on sucking the life out of her victims. Draco suddenly shoved her away, she flew across the floor with a mighty crash. The room yet again fell silent as shock sank into the atmosphere.

'DON'T EVER TOUCH ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!' He bellowed standing over her, his shoulders rising and falling as his breathing became heavy.

Pansy simply nodded her head with tears in her eyes. Instinctively I rose from my seat, running over to her I helped her to her feet as I did so I noticed she trembled under my hands, she let out a small sob as her wrist twisted unnaturally out of place.

'What is wrong with you?' I asked him letting the words slip from my lips before I could even think about what I was saying.
Draco stood before us his mouth ajar, there was never anyone in our own house that fought against him, no one ever dared but as I stood there meeting his eyes with a new found confidence I could almost see him giving in to me. Before I could say anything else he was gone, taking off to his dorm with Caleb and Blaise close behind.

'I think your wrist is broken' I examined Pansy's swollen arm, it was almost purple, 'let me take you to the hospital wing' I advised.

I suddenly heard a snort, I turned my head to find Auria laughing.

'Why would you want to take her any where?' she sneered giving Pansy a dirty look.

'Oh piss off!' I replied and with that I left through the portrait to take the sobbing girl to the hospital wing.

There was a definite awkward silence as Pansy and I walked through the long cold stone corridors. All I could hear was my own breathing and Pansy's quiet whimpers as she clutched onto her arm.

'Why doesn't he love me back?' Pansy sobbed suddenly breaking the silence.

She sank to the floor against a wall with her tears now in full flow. Turning towards her I was certainly stuck for words.

'You mean Draco?' I asked, I mentally slapped myself as I realised that it was a rather stupid question.

Pansy nodded up at me as she searched my face for any sort of answers. I stumbled over words wondering whether it was better to tell her the complete, utterly harsh, reality slapping truth or the soppy, girlish, generic, what-she-wants-to-hear lie, both of which would result in more tears. So it was a bit of a catch 22 whatever I decided to say. I knew that it was better to tell the truth and for the first time in ages I felt confident enough to take the moral high road.

'Why do you bother with this boy? He doesn't even appreciate you, I'm sure that there are others that would worship the ground you walked on, or at least not shove you around' I stuttered, I really was bad at giving advice.

'I love him, do you know how it feels to love someone so much that it hurts?' she replied tears still streaming down her face.
I honestly wished that I could've said yes but all I could do was shake my head. I suddenly felt depression hit me when I realised this was not the case for myself, I had never really loved anyone not even my parents.

Man it was late when I got back from the hospital wing, Pansy wanted to stay there over night just get her head clear. Having sat and chatted with her for awhile I realised this girl was a completely different person to who I thought she was. Maybe that was where I was going wrong, maybe I had spent the last 7 years judging but never knowing people.

I stumbled into the common room half asleep not even thinking about anything. My eyes had to adjust to the darkness as the only form of light in the room was the fireplace. God I ached all over, a sign of old age I guess. The stairs were only inches away from me and I suddenly longed for my bed.

'Marianna' came a voice from the darkness.

Turning wearily on the spot I searched for the voice squinting slightly to make out who was sitting on the sofa in front of the fire place.

'Draco, what are you doing up?' I yawned slightly walking over towards him.

'Is Pansy okay?' he asked in concern as I took my place next to him.

I nodded softly blinking as I tried to keep my eyes open. The warmth of the fire swept over me as my body relaxed into the curves of the sofa. I took in the flames in front of me as they licked around the cold stone prison that kept them from spreading further. The crackling was just about audible to my ears and the strong orange glow brought a little smile to my face. This was why I considered Hogwarts to be my home because I felt relaxed and at ease. Something I never felt back at my family house in Kent.

Draco remained silent as he watched me fall under a hypnotic trance, letting out a big yawn he placed his head on my shoulder which brought me back into reality. I looked down upon him as we sat in this comfortable silence. For the first time in ages I saw the little boy that I met 7 years ago on platform 9 ¾. I wanted to cry as this familiarity hit me hard, he was just a boy, a broken one at that.

'Do you sometimes feel like as if you're living two lives just to satisfy everyone else?' he asked quietly staring softly at the fireplace.

Tears escaped from my eyes as I longed to tell him everything, I was so strung up and confused with where my loyalties lied that I could almost burst. Wiping my tears away quickly I let out a big sigh. Life shouldn't be this hard. Not for us anyway, we're only 17, but then a lot was expected of us, especially now.
I felt his hand enter mine as we sat two old friends just needing some love, not that neither one would admit that to the other, but we knew that in our silent agreement that tonight we would be there for each other. What happened tomorrow or the day after would not matter for now. I feared that maybe this would be the last and only night that we would actually show each other that we cared, if that was the case one night was all I needed.

I never did answer his question, he already knew the answer.

Chapter 3: Finding our flaws
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Blaise Zambini was gone. It was pretty obvious where he went and the teachers made out like they hadn't even noticed that he was missing. No one asked any questions, no one spoke about it. No one except Auria of course.

Sitting in the court yard with a book I heard her coming towards me.

'Move out of my way and sort out your hair!' she grumbled to a girl as she pushed her out of the way.

She strode over towards me with that little wiggle that she always put on when she knew boys were watching her.

'Marianna!' she called as she walked faster.

Rolling my eyes slightly I placed my book next to me giving her a little smile. I knew that there was no way out of this so I just admitted defeat.

'Have you seen Lavender Brown's new shoes?' she whispered once she was finally sat next to me. Her face said it all really, I knew that it was one of disgust as I guessed that Lavender Brown's new shoes were far from Auria's taste or anyone's taste by the looks of things. Why should I care about her shoes anyway?

'Auria you didn't just come all the way over here to discuss Lavender's choice in foot wear did you?' I asked simply not impressed.

'Well she did make a mistake the stupid little girl, oh well whatever she wears won't stop anyone from noticing her abnormally large nose!' Sniggered Auria throwing a dirty look over at Lavender and her friends.

I honestly had to admit that I couldn't help myself from giggling. Auria had a well tuned manner in which she could point out the tiniest flaws, even in the most flawless of people.

'You see Anna I miss this' Auria purred placing both hands on my cheeks.
'We are perfect, guys love us, girls loathe us, we've always been an unstoppable force not to be reckoned with, I've really missed you, you've been acting so weird lately almost like as if you're in some strange trance, I started to question whether you even wanted to be my friend any more.'

My heart pounded as I realised what she was saying, it was true I had been in some strange trance due to my minds over activity since returning back to school, but I also did miss Auria, she may sometimes annoy me but she was always around.
I looked around as boys looked over at us and girls gossiped about us, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Part of my old self was starting to reappear as I felt this sudden urge power seep through me. For moment I felt alive when I realised I was desired by many.

'I've missed you too' I answered as I turned back to her, 'I've just had a lot on my mind recently, especially cause of the war.'

'We're all scared Anna Banana but we will conquer and things will be set right like it should be.' Auria leaned forward giving me a tight little squeeze then she stood to her feet and walked away.
Until now I had never heard Auria talk about the war especially Lord Voldemort. She had picked a side, a side that I didn't really know whether I possibly agreed with. What would happen if we were on two different sides? Would we still be friends?

Draco had not been around for a good week and I soon started to wonder like Blaise whether he had gone for good.
I started to feel his presence was lacking and it dampened my spirits. Caleb was no help as he constantly spoke about leaving himself. This boy had changed but at the same time out of anyone of us I expected him to be one of the first to go and join the deatheaters. Caleb had that sort of darkness in his soul, he was extremely aware of everything around him which made me fear him slightly. I sometimes wondered whether he could see right through me, I wondered whether he knew I was a fake.

'Marianna, what do you think?' Caleb asked one day as we all sat around the common room,
I had been lost in thought for ages as they talked away. To be honest I really wasn't listening.

'Think about what?' I asked them slightly embarrassed for being caught out.

Before Caleb could even reply the portrait swung open.

'Hello stranger!' smiled Auria as Draco came walking in.

Relief washed over me, Draco was back. I couldn't help but smile as he sat down with us. I had missed him, I even thought about him whilst he was gone.
He slumped back slightly as he ran his hands through his hair. I noticed bruises traced his arms and face and his eyes were dark and lifeless.

'Don't ask' He mumbled 'Cause I don't want to talk about it!'

So we didn't ask. Well I certainly didn't.

'Your brother was a traitor, he's no longer part of this family'
'You're growing up to be just like him you insufferable little girl'

I rose from yet another nightmare, they were starting to become more frequent and soon enough sleep seemed like a distant memory. Any more torture and I'd soon be driven into insanity.
Reaching for my watch it read 3:00 AM. To early to be awake!
Lying back I tried so hard to fall back asleep but it was starting to become impossible. I slowly rose from my bed, I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do I obviously hadn't thought that far! As I descended down the stair case towards the common room I soon started to pick up on hushed voices. Stopping just near the bottom of the stairs I craned my neck round to get a better chance of picking up the conversation.

'I'm going tonight, I know it's time' came a low voice through the darkness.

'No, don't you realise how much Zambini messed things up by not staying where he was supposed to be posted? you have to wait for the Dark Lord to call upon your presence' another voice persisted.

I recognised the second voice straight away, peering my head round slightly I saw the two figures silhouetted in front of the fireplace.

'Don't be so insulate, I'm sure that our master would be pleased for me to join him now' the first voice laughed back.

Shaking my head slightly I tried hard to put a name to the voice but it just wasn't happening.

'Caleb I beg of you, Zambini perished for his disobedience, we can't afford to lose any more wizards' Draco pleaded to him.

My breath instantly caught in my throat, Zambini was dead and Caleb was setting himself up for his own demise. I knew from first hand experience that the Dark Lord showed no mercy to anyone not even to his own followers.

'I'm sorry Draco but I must do what I think is right' came Caleb's voice over my thoughts.

'No Caleb please' but before Draco could say anything else Caleb was gone.

Sinking to my knees I let tears flow down my cheeks. That's another person gone. Potential wasted. Everything was so uncertain. Anyone could walk away at any second and they could be killed without any other thought towards their souls.

I felt a pair of hands upon my shoulders. In this present time I feared everyone especially their touch but as I looked up to meet the eyes of this stranger my heart softened. Draco stood over me.

'How much of that did you hear?' he asked quietly still standing over me.

'All of it!' I sobbed placing my head in my hands. I felt the hot tears against my skin letting the salty water touch my lips.

Suddenly my head was lifted from my safety net, Draco had placed one hand under my chin. Meeting my eyes he gave me one reassuring look, one look that made my heart skip a beat. It was his embrace that led me into sobbing even harder. It was almost as if everything that had been caught up inside of me was just being released. The tears kept flowing as well as the pain which felt so real against my chest. His arms were strong and comforting, his embrace was soft and warm and the mixture of both was the perfect remedy to help sooth my body and mind.

'You've got to trust me' he whispered in my ear as he held me close. 'I can't say that everything is going to be all right but I'm going to try my hardest to protect what we have, to protect everything we know, I plead with you to have faith in me.'

Breaking away from him our eyes met again. I was starting to lose everything that I did truly cared about. My world was being turned upside down because of my own indecisiveness. I wanted it to be easy for me to pick a side, or at least pick the side that I was expected to be on but my concious was battling against this.

'You won't lose me, I'm always going to be here okay?' Draco whispered as his hand met my cheek.

I flinched slightly under his touch, I was not used to this kind of affection.

'I promise' He said finally taking in my expression.
Famous last words I thought to myself.

Chapter 4: Today's gifts
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A/N: Thanks for the reads and the reviews, keep them coming!

Christmas was looming large, but for myself Christmas was going to be spent here at Hogwarts. My parents were off doing goodness knows what with Lord Voldemort, so it looked like I had no say in the matter! Not that I really cared anyway. Auria offered for me to stay with her over the holiday period but I knew that it would be best if I stayed put so that I could have a good think.

I doubted that many of the people in my house especially in my class would come back after the holidays. There was now at least one person leaving every week. It was only a matter of time before Auria would join them and I would get questioned about why I had not made an immediate decision to become a deatheater. Though my parents knew very well that I wasn't exactly one to jump on the band wagon when it came to following Lord Voldemort. My siblings all went off to different places for Christmas which left me alone. Just like how it always was. I was always the one to be left out but I never really minded.

'Now are you sure you don't want to join me for Christmas?' Pestered Auria.
She had done this nearly everyday hoping that I would eventually change my mind.
'I'm sure' I smiled at her as I stood at Hogsmead station with her, I was ready to get the bloody girl onto the train.
'Last chance' she grinned taking both my hands in hers.
'The quicker you get yourself on the train the quicker the holidays will go which means you'll see me real soon, so be quiet and get going!' I laughed embracing her tightly.
Auria pouted at me before she turned to get on the train.
'You'll love the present I got you!' she called out of the window.
I felt a sinking feeling in my chest as the train blew its final whistle before departing out of the station. I turned back to look at the big castle a head of me. It stood splendid and proud amongst the great stone mountains.

Upon entering the common room I took in every sight around me almost in fear that this might all be taken away from me very soon.

'Marianna, what are you doing here?'

I turned to find Draco coming down the stairs from his dorm. This was starting to become a bit of a day time ritual we always managed to bump into each other in the common room.

'I've got no where to go, to be honest I'm much happier staying here' I replied

'Well it looks like it's just the two of us then' Draco smiled slightly.

I felt my cheeks burn as I saw his face light up when he smiled. This was starting to freak me out slightly as I realized that every time I saw this boy my stomach would do one of those annoying little flips. I thought about him when he was not around. I placed a hand against my cheek as I felt the heat of me blushing. What was wrong with me? This was supposed to be my friend. Just my friend and that was all. But I couldn't help myself and look when ever he would stretch and his shirt would lift to show a bit of skin and reveal a rather toned stomach.

Shaking off these thoughts I tried to return his smile, I think I failed.

Christmas day came quickly, rising up from my bed I wanted at least 30 minutes more sleep but my mind seemed to wake up very quickly. A present lay next to my bed upon a little table. Smiling to myself slightly I picked up the present which was wrapped perfectly. I knew straight away that this was from Auria, she was a total perfectionist in everything she did including gift wrapping.

'Dear Anna Banana, Merry Christmas!
Lots of Love

It was a small little box wrapped in silver and green paper. I didn't want to open it at first as I took in the perfect presentation it looked beautiful. Placing my index finger on the fold of the paper I slowly opened it trying hard not to rip the wrapping. Inside the paper lay a black box with the letters MVL, my initials. I opened the box to reveal a beautiful pair of emerald stone ear rings the very same ear rings I had been admiring in a little shop in Hogsmead for the past few months. They were exactly what I wanted and I knew exactly what outfit I was to wear with them.

I knew at some point that I had to leave my bed so with a mighty groan I forced myself out of the covers. Every Christmas my family made a great effort in their appearance and I was not going to break that tradition. Rummaging through my trunk I found my silver silk baby doll dress. My ear rings would look perfect with this. Slipping the dress over my head it stopped just above my knees as the silk material played like water around my waist. I slipped on a pair of silver ballet pumps to match my dress, twisted my long black hair into a messy bun and placed the ear rings upon my ears. Examining myself in the mirror I smiled, I was happy with the image that was reflected back at me.

Sneaking a peak around my door I slowly descended down the steps toward the common room. The place was decorated with silver and green decorations, they hung delicately upon the large cold walls giving them a sense of warmness which it never held until now. I smiled as I saw the Christmas tree which sat proudly in the corner next to the fireplace. It looked so beautiful as the fire blazed on.

'Wow, look at you!' came a voice from behind me.

I spun round to find myself rather close to Draco. He looked down upon me with a small smile.We had to stop doing this, it was boarding on insane and incredibly frustrating. I couldn't help myself in taking in his own appearance as he stood tall in a black open neck shirt and black slacks. He looked so grown up, not like the boy I saw on the sofa that night a while back, he was a man.

'My family, we wear our best on Christmas day, I thought it would be nice If I did that this year, I know it's a little stupid' I stumbled over my words trying to keep my eyes away from his face.

I could feel him looking at me as my cheeks soon turned an impressive shade of red. Why my body would fail me like this at these precise moments I didn't know, but I knew that I wanted the ground to swallow me up right about now.

'No not at all' he replied 'My family do the same thing.'

'I got you this' Draco muttered slightly 'I didn't know what you wanted and I thought it was only right that I should get you a present.'

My head snapped up at him quickly in shock as he handed me a small box which was unwrapped. My body quivered and feeling flustered I realized that it would take me forever to shake off the queasiness that had invaded my stomach.

'Oh gosh you didn't have to, I mean I didn't get you anything, I feel so bad' I replied as guilt swept across me.

'No it's okay, I didn't really expect you to, just open it' he laughed.
I opened the little box to find a little silver serpent broach.

'Slytherin Pride' I smiled at him.

'If you don't like it then I can always take it back' he said quickly

'No I love it' I smiled taking it out of the box and pinning it onto my dress.
'Draco I never thought you had this kind of side to you!' I laughed

Draco turned away slightly as his cheeks turned a little pink.

'Yeah well don't expect this sort of thing all the time, it's only once a year and I would appreciate if you maybe didn't spread this around, I do have a reputation to with hold.' he sniggered slightly as he stared down to the ground.

'Don't worry your secret is safe with me' I laughed as I stared at the broach which lay delicately upon my dress.

New Years day I found myself alone as Draco had to go home for the day to visit his parents. I didn't know anyone else apart from those that were in my own house. So I spent the day walking around the grounds. It was such a beautiful day as the snow fell heavily leaving a thick white blanket which glistened under my feet. Everything was covered in white and it was all untouched. Breathing in slowly the cold air hit my nose awakening my senses and clearing my head.

It was at times like these that I would almost forget that there was a war raging on.
How could people fall into conflict when the world like today would sparkle with its impeccable colours of beauty?
You only had to stop for a few moments and hear the wind brush slightly against your ear almost as if it was singing you a lullaby. I could stay in this place like this forever. If only I could stop time even just for a moment to give me a little longer to appreciate this picture perfect scene. But it was soon turning dark much to my disappointment.

I found myself heading towards the castle as the smell of food began to tempt me back. Dinner was satisfying as I sat alone at the Slytherin table. Nothing would take away this feeling of bliss.

'Anna Banana!' Came a squeal as I entered the Slytherin common room, a pair of arms scooped me up into a tight embrace.

'Auria what are you doing back so early I thought you were supposed to be away for another week?' I smiled as my tall red haired friend stood in front of me beaming with happiness.

'Well that's the thing, I couldn't stay away from you because I have some brilliant news!' she squealed hopping slightly on the spot.

'What is it?' I asked expectantly smiling at her.

'Me and Draco are getting married! Our parents arranged it, Isn't that wonderful?!' Auria beamed squeezing my hands slightly.
It was only then that I noticed Draco standing behind her, my heart plummeted as the news began to sink in, but as always I faked my best smile and took my closest friend into my arms.

'Congratulations' I smiled as my voice wavered slightly and with that I disappeared to my room.

Chapter 5: Unexpected friendship
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A:N: Thanks for the reads my dears! keep your eyes peeled for updates etc. Remember to send in some reviews, I really want to know what you guys think!

Snow started to melt unusually fast over the next few days. Well my blissful mood was certainly short lived. A bit like the snow. There is never enough time to enjoy the snow, it falls for a few days once a year only for it melt away just as you start to get rather fond of it being around.

Auria went from being my best friend to the most annoying person on the face of the planet. I grew bored of her constant need to talk of weddings all the time. Colours, floral designs and china plates, the occasion made me want to stick my fingers into my own eyes. If I felt like this when she nattered on about the marriage goodness knows what Draco was doomed for once he was in it.
Part of me was just purely irritated about how infuriatingly obsessive my friend had become over this subject and part of me was bitter that I simply wasn't in her place. Like the saying goes, you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Well it's true!

Not only did I have this constant circle of wedding talk hitting my ears 24/7, I also had a constant stream of letters sent to me by my father threatening me into joining the deatheaters. These letter at first came once every two or three weeks but it had now become a daily habit and if I didn't receive one it shocked me.

'Miss Van Luton!' came a call from down the corridor behind me.

I recognised the voice straight away as I spun around on my feet.

'Yes Professor Carrow?' I replied rolling my eyes slightly.

The tall wizard came striding over towards me with that stone cold look he had constantly plastered upon his face.

'What are those on your feet?' he demanded.

Looking down I smirked slightly as I suddenly realised what he was gesturing at.

'Leather boots sir' I replied holding the smirk to my face.

'Yes I know what they are, I'm sure you are aware of the proper school attire that must be warn during class times?' he frowned obviously not impressed by my remark.

'Well if you knew what they were then why did you ask?' I sniggered slightly shaking my head.

Professor Carrow fell silent for a moment with a look of pure disbelieve upon his face, I knew that I was now pushing the right buttons and that a detention was lined up for me but at this point I really didn't care.

'Now I don't know what has gotten into you Miss Van Luton but if you are not careful you'd be up for a detention and I know how much you love them' Carrow replied looking flustered.

I shook my head slightly.

'Whatever Professor' I sighed before walking away from him.

Suddenly I felt a tug as someone caught my elbow, spinning round I found Draco standing in front of me.

'What was all that about?' he asked giving me the same stern stare that Carrow had just graced me with.

'Nothing that concerns you,' I answered pulling away from him freeing my elbow.

'You could have been seriously hurt, you don't want to be talking back to anyone right now.' he replied his stern look turning into concern.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, suddenly Draco Malfoy was giving me advice about staying out of trouble at school. What made him so high and mighty all of a sudden?

'That's rich coming from you!' I sneered, 'just leave me alone, don't you have some wedding plans to go sort out with your little wife?'

There was a slight pained look in his eyes as I stood before him in an angry silence.

'I don't understand, Anna what's wrong?' he whispered edging towards me.

'Oh nothing, don't get to close you have a reputation to with hold remember?' I whispered back turning away from him and walking away.

'Hey Anna Banana!' came a cheery voice as I entered the common room.

This time I just carried on walking pretending as if I just hadn't heard Auria greeting me. I just wanted to be alone, I was getting tired of people, I was getting tired of myself.

As I entered the empty dorm room I noticed a small note sitting upon my bed. Slowly opening it I hoped to myself that it wasn't my father. Yet my hopes were very much diminished.


You stupid girl this time it is serious, You've got to make it known where your loyalties lie.
If you do not choose the Dark Lord then you are no daughter of mine and you are good as dead to me.
I know you will make the right decision.

Reuben Van Luton

I felt hot tears sting my eyes as a surge of fiery anger started to grow rapidly inside of me. Taking the letter I held it in my hands letting the tears roll down my face. With out any other thought the letter was torn into pieces as I pulled it apart with all the energy that I had left. It was then that I began to sob.

This was a major identity crisis, everything that I thought or knew was completely turned upside down and this left me defeated and warn out. If I made up my own mind it would be the wrong decision in everyone else's eyes, If I went with what everyone expected of me then it would be wrong in my eyes.

'I miss you brother' I sobbed as I suddenly realized what he must have suffered going through something very similar to myself.
What sort of father throws his own children out onto the streets?

Stepping out into the corridor I knew straight away that I needed to get my head clear. I headed towards the grounds where I intended on getting some fresh air.

As I strolled slowly near the lake I watched as the sunset across the water, it was almost like looking over two skies. My mind was a whirl as I took in a deep breath letting the scent of the trees and freshly cut grass flow through my nose.

'What are you doing here?' I heard

Why won't anyone just leave me alone? I thought to myself in frustration.

'I'm walking Longbottom, what does it look like to you? I snapped bitterly as the tall boy came walking towards me.

'Well I just thought....' he stumbled over his words.

'What did you think I was doing? Sneaking off to do the dirty work for Lord Voldemort? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm just walking' I blurted out, tears stung my eyes as my voice broke under the stress.

Longbottom stood silent for a second clearly unable to find the words to say to me. Taking in his shocked expression I felt a pang of guilt hit me, I really wish it would stop doing that, I never used to feel so guilty whenever I snapped at a Gryffindor. Stupid concious.

'Neville listen I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day, well more like a bad life' I apologised quickly.

This caused the look on Neville's face to intensify as the realization that a Slytherin had just apologised to him had kicked in. This must have been even more baffling to him. If I was Neville I would be extremely suspicious of my actions.

'Why are you being so nice?' he asked suddenly.

I laughed to myself as I felt the irony of life take a good kick at me.

'I honestly don't know, maybe call it a change of heart' I replied taking a seat upon a nearby rock.

Neville stood over me one eyebrow cocked up obviously trying to work out what was going on.

'I mean can a person like me who for the last 7 years would bully others just change drastically over the space of a few months? Cause that's what's happened and I don't want to fight on the dark side but I feel like I have no choice, I'm really struck' I began to sob as I rested my chin under my hands.

Neville's eyes softened slightly as he took a place next to me.

'I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't, just like my brother, he was killed 17 years ago for changing his mind for becoming a better person, there is not a day that goes by where I don't think of him' I cried.

'I'm sorry' replied Neville

'So am I' I whispered back.

Chapter 6: Another one bites the dust...
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A/N: Hey my dears thanks for all those that reviewed so far! I'm dedicating this chapter to Emily bless her cottons for being an awesome reader! Want the next chapter dedication? well leave me some reviews and maybe you might see your name on the next update! take care xx

Weeks past and conversations grew more serious. Rumours were being spread and lies being told. The news was the ministry was now under the control of Lord Voldemort and Harry Potter had not been captured yet. Rumours of a rally to recruit Slytherins into the death eater clan was being organised. This was all getting to intense for me as it became more apparent that I was slipping back slightly.

'Are you sure you're okay?' Auria asked for 50th time that morning as we ate breakfast.

'Bloody hell Auria, I'm fine just stop asking!' I snapped slamming my fork down onto the table.

I was just about to leave when the owls came swooping in with letters for students. No letters for me this morning which was slightly unusual.

Draco opened up a small package which had dropped into his lap. Picking up the note he removed a small silver neck chain with a tiny serpent pendent from the little box.

'That's Caleb's necklace' I whispered as my heart sunk.

Draco glanced over at me with pure horror as he held the chain in his hand. Grabbing the note I scanned it quickly.

I regret to inform you of the death of your dear friend Caleb O'Neil.
My condolences go out to you and your friends at this time.
Delilah O'Neil.

I dropped the piece of parchment as the news sank in fast. This was the reality for many of our lives. Nothing was certain any more.

Auria was in tears at this point and Draco had placed his head in his hands, but I just sat there staring into space not quite sure how to feel. This was a guy that we had all grown up with, we all went through adolescence together, in our earlier years at Hogwarts we didn't have things like this to worry about. Life was rather care free and detention was the only problems we would face. How things had changed drastically, we certainly weren't children any more.

'You're all setting yourself up for your own demise, sending yourselves into your own death sentence' I spoke bitterly now suddenly not caring about what anyone would think of me.
'I can't be part of this, this is sick, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT UP IN YOUR OWN DELUDED THOUGHTS UNDER A DICTATOR WHO COULDN'T GIVE A CRAP WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE!' I bellowed now with tears in my eyes. I felt anger surge up inside of me as I stood up from the table.

The whole of the great hall fell silent as every head was turned towards our table.
I felt Auria flinch next to me as she sobbed uncontrollably.

Draco stood to his feet as I did, just as I was about to run out of the hall he grabbed me roughly by the wrist.

'Be careful what you say, we have enough enemies as it is, you don't want to make it even worse for yourself' he spoke barely above as a whisper as his face inched closer to mine.

My hand met his face as I broke free from his grasp,

'How dare you tell me what to do, don't treat me like some child who doesn't know any better! Go get yourself killed, go on! I don't care any more' I cried leaving him standing in the hall.

A knock came on the door of my dorm, lying across my bed I seriously didn't want to see anyone.
'Anna Banana' came a little whisper as the door creaked open slightly.

My heart softened as I heard Auria's little voice call my name.

'Are you mad at me?' she asked quietly still standing by the door.

Turning over to face her I gave her a small smile.

'I can never be angry at you' I replied.

Auria's anxious expression disappeared in a second, she advanced forward towards my bed, her face was tear stained and pale. Sitting herself down on the end of the bed I could tell that she was having problems trying to hold back the tears. I completely forgot in my own selfish manner that I wasn't the only one who had been friends with Caleb, I wasn't the only one who grew up with him, Auria considered him almost like a brother. They had known each other from birth all the way through childhood into adolescence right up until the night he left.

'I know that we all at some point have to join a side,' Auria spoke her voice breaking slightly.
'but I know that somewhere in what you were saying that you were right, but what other choice do we have? We're born into the dark side, we can't allow ourselves the liberty of free choice. It's not up to us any more, why did he have to die?'

Sitting up instantly I wrapped my arms around Auria as she began to shake with sorrow. Sighing I knew that she made a relevant argument, it was true a lot of us didn't have the chance to choose. I felt for her as I held her close but I knew that if anything was going to change then I was going to have to be the first to stand up for myself and give myself that chance to choose what I felt was right.

Another knock on the door and Auria and I broke apart. Draco stuck his head round the door.

'Oh I didn't realise that you weren't alone, I'll come back later' he spoke.

'No it's okay I've got some stuff to do' replied Auria quickly before he could close the door.

She turned to me again quickly and gave me a final squeeze, standing to her feet she kissed Draco on the cheek before leaving the room. My heart gave a small pang of jealousy as I witnessed this but I shook it off quickly telling myself I was being stupid.

'Are you okay?' he asked taking Auria's place on the end of my bed.

'Not really no' I answered honestly staring up at him.

His grey eyes were inquisitive and curious, his face was tired but filled with concern. He dragged a hand through his hair as he let out a small sigh.

'I just want you to be careful Marianna' he spoke softly 'I don't want you in any danger.'

My heart flipped as his words played upon my mind.

'That's a bit difficult seeing as whatever I do I'll be in danger' I replied looking down at my hands.

Draco frowned inching slightly closer towards me.

'You can go into hiding, find a safe refuge or something' he advised

I shook my head knowing that this was not an option.

'No, I'm not doing that' I sighed my head pounding with pain.

'Anna please' he pleaded with me taking both of my hands.
'I don't want to be part of this as much as you do, you won't believe the type of things I've seen and have been forced to do, I'm living a lie, if anyone found out how I really felt I would be killed for sure.'

'You don't have to do this Draco, you can join the other side' I replied quickly squeezing his hands.

'I can't, I'm into deep now, there's no turning back but you have a chance to escape this' he said.

'Whatever side I join even if I do go into hiding I'm dead' I replied quietly,

'Just save yourself!' desperation filled Draco's voice as he pleaded for me to change my mind.

'This is not about me any more, my brother was killed at the hands of the man that you and the others so faithfully serve and Caleb shouldn't have died, not that way.'
tears were now in my eyes as the image of my brother face plagued my mind. I was only a new born when he was killed but I held close to the only picture that we had left. In the picture his eyes were happy and full of life. That was taken away and it killed me inside to think that he was not around any more.

'I'm sorry about your brother, I honestly didn't know' Draco said staring down upon his hands as his fingers entwined into mine so perfectly.

His hands were warm and soft, my heart was beating so fast as a silence fell upon us both. He continued to keep his gaze upon our hands. I watched his chest rise and fall as he sighed softly to himself.

'I just care about your safety, I care about you' he muttered still keeping his eyes away from my face.

Removing a hand away from his I lifted his chin up, gazing into his wonderful eyes I tried to find confirmation of his feelings. He kept my stare as I sank right into his soul. There was good in him, I could see it but he was a torn individual that needed to be set free. Before I could even mutter a word his lips met mine, soft and gentle his touch was electrifying as I lingered in this sweet kiss. He ran a hand across my face caressing my skin carefully almost as if he didn't want me to break under him.

A gasp suddenly hit my ears, breaking free from Draco I noticed a familiar figure rush out of the room. Guilt kicked in instantly as I realized what I had just done.

'Auria!' Draco called leaving the room after her.

Closing my eyes I flopped back onto my bed. I had just kissed my best friend's fiancée.

What was wrong with me?
Had I just ruined everything?

Chapter 7: A challenging offer
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A:N: it's great to have the site open again! so here's the long awaited new chapter!

hope you enjoy, remember to keep the reviews coming
Take care my dear xx

I had ruined everything. Auria didn't want to even look at me. Draco kept his distance from me. His reason being that he had no choice but to marry Auria and he would do anything to make this whole thing as easy as possible which meant cancelling me out. I understood where he was coming from but I couldn't help but feel hurt every time he would pass me in the corridor with Auria, neither one of them would even glance my way. I had driven myself into complete isolation.

I found myself avoiding the common room only walking through it when I had to get out into the castle. I sat alone during meals and spoke to none of my fellow Slytherins. Not so long ago I wished for people to leave me alone and now that it was actually happening I didn't want to be left alone.

I spent a lot of time just walking, mainly near the lake as the sunset across it's dark marble water. I never grew tired of this sight and through all the pain and upset that I was going through this one place left me content.

Walking along the deep rich green grass I found myself deep in thought. Closing my eyes I felt the cool breeze sweep across my skin sending a cool tingling sensation upon my once numb face. I wanted to feel like this all the time, every minute of the day.

'Hello again'

My eyes snapped open as I turned to find Neville Longbottom standing before me. A sense of relief fell over me as it just felt good to have someone talk to.

'Hi' I replied giving him a small smile.

'Still having a bit of an identity crisis?' he asked leaning against a huge rock.

'Not necessarily, I'm starting to get my head round it all, I'm just having problems trying to not mess things up and I'm losing everything' I said kicking a small pebble that lay beside my foot. I watched it skip across the grassy blanket that lay underneath me wishing that I hadn't taken my frustration out on it, suddenly I realised that I sympathising with a pebble. What was wrong with me?

'Yeah I heard about Caleb O'Neil, I knew you were all pretty close I'm sorry for your lose'

I smiled at Neville as he sat watching me pace back and forth.

'Thanks' I replied.

'So do you want to do something that might possibly change things for good?' he asked staring over the huge lake which had turned a wonderful orange colour as it reflected the everlasting sky.

'What are you proposing here?' I asked curious at this challenge Neville had set before me.

'Join Dumbledore's Army' he replied.

I came to a halt when his words hit my ears, I had never heard of such a thing before but it seemed to spark something inside. For a moment what was once dead inside of my heart came kicking into life making my stomach flip, but soon enough that gut wrenching guilt came crashing down bringing back that miserable cloud that hung over my head.

'Neville I don't know whether I could go against my friends' I said looking down at my feet.
I felt so defeated, I really did want to fight. But would I be able to physically hold a wand up at Auria or Draco with the intentions of combat?

'All I'm going to say is think about it, this could be our chance to restore peace and bring justice those that have been so cruelly harmed at the hands of you-know-who, come to me when you have an answer' and with those final words he walked away.

I had missed dinner but I wasn't really hungry anyway. Walking slowly towards the common room I felt the pit of my stomach squirm. Every night it was the same, I felt nervous every time I even thought about heading any where near the common room. I didn't know why, maybe it was because I didn't want to face Auria or Draco or even worse both of them together. They had now started acting like a couple and it made me feel nauseous. Little moment Auria stole in front of me, sweeping touches, butterfly kisses, silly little smiles, it was all an elborate act and it seemed to worsen when ever I was in her presences.

Tonight the common room was heaving with every single Slytherin student occupying it, this I hoped would give me an advantage, maybe if everyone was so consumed in what they were doing they wouldn't even notice me enter. Oh how wrong I was. Stepping lightly inside The creak of the portrait hole caused every heard to turn and acknowledge me. If only  I was to disappear at that very moment.

'I saw you talking to Longbottom today' Auria announced over everyone.

I just kept walking, as far as I was concerned I heard nothing.

'Scooping the bottom of the barrel really when it comes to looking for friends' she sniggered.
'Maybe you should join that pathetic lot, you can all swap sob stories and cry over your silly brother.'

My blood started to pump faster through my veins as hot anger flushed through me. I tried to ignore it as I kept silently walking away.

'What's wrong Marianna? Does your daddy not want you any more? Has he by any chance thrown a couple of punches your way of recent?'

This hit me hard, I felt her cold voice like poison that was seeping into my skin. Her venom drenched tones rang through my head stinging my eyes with hot tears.

'Maybe you should stop now Auria' Draco interrupted.

'No why should I? She brings it all on to herself!' protested Auria.

That was it, red flashed across my eyes as I grabbed my wand, a flash of white light went flying through the air, before it could hit Auria Draco had thrown himself in front of her, he was thrust across the room landing with a big thud upon the ground.

Instead of heading up to the dorms I ran out the other way, entering the corridor I didn't exactly know where I was going but I was heading somewhere. My feet just led me as I ran down dark tall corridors, passing stone cold walls and menacing portraits who taunted and sneered as I passed them by, my heart pounded hard making my chest seer with pain. Regardless of the suffering that had become so apparent in my chest I just had to keep moving. I soon found myself at the steps of the astronomy tower. Walking up slowly my frustration took over, I felt like I had been slapped in the face. How could she say such things to me?

Sinking to the floor I broke down. This place was once my refuge but now it was my own enemy. betrayal was all that ran through my mind as I felt the big rough arms of injustice take a hold of me, squeezing every little bit of life away from me.
A pair of hands rested upon my shoulders then a pair of lips gently brushed against my forehead. Tears continued to stream down my face as the pair of lips met mine. Shaking I felt strong arms wrap themselves around me. I let myself melt into the warm body which held itself so close to mine.

'I'm so sorry' he whispered into my ear brushing my hair away from my eyes.

'Draco you shouldn't be here' I cried as he held me close.

I didn't sleep at all that night as my mind ran wild with destructive thoughts. I could just see my father's face as disgrace washed over him. His unforgiving eyes peirced through my soul so forcefully that I could feel the pain rush through me hitting my chest hard, I sat up as I felt defeated by my lack of sleep. Heading down to the common room I was looking forward to spending some time on my own without everyone watching me. Yet again I was wrong.

My feet had only just touched the bottom step of the stair case  when I saw Auria sitting on the sofa. I was just about to turn around but I was to late.

'Marianna wait' she called after me.

Why did I have to stop?
Why couldn't my body do as it was told?

'What do you want?' I asked still feeling bitter.

'Please sit down, we need to talk' she replied softly.

'Haven't you had enough to say already?' I asked, I felt irritated by her very presence. I couldn't even muster up the strength to even look.

'Just sit down' she demanded as she patted the vacant place next to her.

Advancing towards the sofa slowly, I wondered whether this was a very good idea. But my body seemed to be reacting faster then my brain and before I knew it I was sat next to her. An awkward silence fell upon the both of us for a moment as we stared blankly into the fireplace.

'You know what I'm just going to say this now or else I never will' piped up Auria sitting a little straighter she turned to face me on the sofa meeting my frustrated gaze.
'I hate you' she blurted out.

'What?!' I replied shocked.

'No I don't mean, I mean I envy you and everything about you. You don't realise how hard it is trying to keep up with someone like you. You're more popular then I am, you're definitely a nicer person, you have the looks which always remain flawless. I thought that I would have one up from you if I had Draco, you don't realise how much I liked that guy from the very beginning and he never looked at me that way back, it was always about you.' she let herself vent as the words all came spilling out like word vomit.

'Wait one minute, Draco never liked me in that way only maybe until now, well as far as I'm aware' I replied trying to take it all in.

'That's not true he's liked you since our 1st year, I just felt so bitter about it. You're always the perfect one, getting whatever you want and I was always the one that followed you around, silly little Auria. I wanted to be with Draco, then I got my chance and well you took that away,' Auria turned a slight shade of red as she let the words flow out of her.

'This whole thing has nothing to do with Draco, I didn't plan this at all, I've been suffering with this identity crisis and it just happened, I never used to see him in that way but I really do care about him, I love him' I replied, I felt slightly taken a back, I had never admitted even to myself the full extent of my feelings for this boy but it just came out of no where.
Auria looked shocked as she heard this, frowning slightly she stood to her feet, her eyes went cold as she stared down upon me, a chill descended down my spine as her expression embedded itself into my mind.

'I'm going to marry him Marianna, this is one battle you won't win' she sneered before leaving the common room.

Chapter 8: To young to know
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A:N: Thanks for all the reviews and reads, remember to let me know what you think, the first chapter of my new fan fic is up, if you like dramione then you'll love this one! Go on give it a little read! xx

'Are you coming to this rally next week?' came a small voice near me at the Slytherin table.

Looking down I noticed two young boys talking together over their dinner. They barely looked more then thirteen years old.

'Yeah I'm definitely there' spoke the second boy, 'This is going to be so cool.'

I was shocked as the boys spoke freely of wanting to join the deatheaters. They surely didn't know what they were getting themselves into. Both of them looked so innocent and young as they spoke excitedly. I felt disgusted at the thought of these boys being forced into fighting a war that they probably didn't understand what it was all about in the first place.

I kept my eyes upon them for the rest of evening as we ate dinner, I couldn't bear it, these kids were getting brainwashed into thinking that they were fighting for good. I was desperate to tell them the truth but I knew that it was to late, they would never believe me.

I knew exactly what I had to do. Rushing up from my seat as soon as dinner was over I followed a small crowd out of the doors of the Great hall.

'Neville!' I called.

The whole group turned to face me. None of them looked particularly impressed to see me apart from Neville who wore a massive grin across his face.

'What do you want Van Luton?' sneered Ginny Weasley placing a hand upon her hip.

I rolled my eyes in frustration, I almost turned away from them but my feet didn't seem to want to move.

'If you want to know Weaselette I'm here to speak to Neville, if you don't mind' I replied feeling a little annoyed.

'Neville?' asked Ginny turning to him a little confused.

'Ginny leave her alone she's all right,' replied Neville, taking me by the arm and walking me off down the corridor.

'Is everything okay?' he asked finally as we stopped a little further down the corridor.

I took in a deep breath as I mustered up the strength to finally say what was on my mind.

'I want to join Dumbledore's Army' I said quickly.

A big smile spread across Neville's face, before I could say anything else he suddenly picked me up into a massive hug spinning me around. nausea kicked in slightly, I was totally taken a back as he put me back in my place.Finding my feet i quickly brushed myself down, still slightly dizzy I couldn't help but return his smile.

'I knew you would come around' he said excitedly.

'Yeah so did I' I replied letting out a small little laugh. The burned in which had been resting upon my shoulders seemed to disappear in a heart beat.

'I best go before someone spots me' I advised as I noticed Draco glance over as he left the Great Hall.

'Thanks again, I'll let know about well you know' whispered Neville before I turned to walk away from him.

Walking towards the Slytherin common room I tried to avoid Draco's eyes acting like everything was normal. Normal as I possibly could be anyway.

'Marianna' He called as we entered the common room.

I stopped instantly as he walked over towards me.

'What's going on?' he whispered

'I have no idea what you're talking about' I replied

'Don't act like that with me, I saw you talking to Longbottom' he snapped shaking me by the shoulders. His hands held me tightly as pain from his fingers dragged through me.

His reaction shocked me slightly, taking a step back I removed myself from his grasp not taking my eyes off him once.

'What is wrong with you?' I whispered

It then sank in, he realised what he was doing.

'I'm sorry' he said trying to take my hand in his.

'No, get off me,' I replied taking my hand back and walking away to my dorm.

'Marianna!' he called after me but this time I didn't stop.

I sat down upon my bed staring down at my school work, there was a pile of late assignments sitting in front me. I sighed as I realised that I had completely neglected my work. I wondered whether there was any point on doing it as at all. Education seemed like a waste of time, especially with everything that was going on outside of the school.

I heard a knock on my door, shuffling all the papers out the way I ran over to answer it.

'Draco just get lost' I said about to shut the door in his face.

'No wait' he pleaded placing a hand against the door stopping me from shutting it completely.

'I want to talk' He spoke calmly.

'That's all anyone wants to do nowadays but it ends up turning sour, nothing gets resolved' I said still holding onto the door.

'Please' he begged looking me in the eyes.

Why couldn't I resist him? Why did I have to let him in?

He took a seat down on my bed. There was silence for a moment as we just stared each other.

'I'm sorry,' he apologised again, 'I was just running away with my suspicions, I saw you hug him and well you were smiling, I haven't seen you smile in a very long time, It was silly but I thought that maybe you and him were together or something.' he stammered. 'I mean it's Longbottom, I've never lost out to him.'

I couldn't help but smile at this point, I simply couldn't believe what I was hearing.

'Are you trying to say that the great Draco Malfoy was jealous?' I laughed slightly.

'Well don't jump to any conclusions or anything remember I do have that reputation to with hold, no one needs to know that I was jealous of a Gryffindor especially Longbottom.' he laughed running a hand through his hair.

'There's no reason for you to be jealous anyway, you're Auria's fiancée after all' I replied coyly.

Draco shrugged trying to find words to answer me, he leaned back on my bed casually staring up as I stood by the door.

'I think that maybe you should leave, Auria wouldn't be to happy to hear that you were talking to me' I said flatly.

Draco rose from my bed, not once did he break our gaze. My skin started to feel warm as my cheeks began to flush red. My heart started to pound in my chest as he walked towards me, I wanted to kiss him, to run my fingers through his perfect hair. To feel his skin under the palms of my hands. He kept edging closer.
Draco stood over me staring deeply into my eyes. His body pressed against mine pinning me firmly against the door. Even if I did want to move I wouldn't be able to, but I knew that I really didn't want to anyway. One of his hands met my cheek as his fingers brushed softly against my skin, I let out a small gasp as electricity flowed through my body. Draco smiled at my reaction as he lifted my chin with his other hand.

'I have every reason to be jealous, you're perfect, everything about you is amazing and I can't have you and I don't know whether I would be able to watch any other guy kiss you or touch you' he whispered softly his warm breath sweeping over my face.

'I can't help but take my eyes off you, whenever you're walking down the corridors or in class, I've always wanted you but only now have I noticed that you feel same way, but I can't have you now,' he spoke sending butterflies straight to my stomach.

He lowered his head to the base of my neck, kissing it softly streams of pleasure ran up and down my spine. I grabbed onto him tightly not wanting to let go. Meeting his lips I kissed him with everything I had inside of me.

'I love you' he whispered between kisses.

My heart almost broke at that moment as I realised that I was never to have him as my own. He was going to be someone else's, someone that didn't deserve him.


My heart almost broke at that moment as I realised that I was never to have him as my own. He was going to be someone else's, someone that didn't deserve him.My heart almost broke at that moment as I realised that I was never to have him as my own. He was going to be someone else's, someone that didn't deserve him.


Chapter 9: final exit....
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

'What's she doing here?!' Seamus protested as I walked into the room.

I was here to meet Neville for the DA meeting.

'Now don't be so quick to judge' Neville answered quickly heading towards me, 'She's here to join us.'

'How do we know she's not here as a spy for the other side?' piped up Ginny walking towards me.

'Listen if this is going to be a problem then I think I might just go' I said turning away.

'No, don't go' called Neville grabbing onto my arm.

'Listen we shouldn't be like this, if we judge her we are just as bad as the deatheaters' Said Neville.

Many people shook their heads whispering to each other. I knew that this hadn't convinced them at all, they all just stared at me as if I was vermin.

Tears started to form in my eyes, if was wasn't going to be excepted here then I really was alone.

'I want to do this, listen I know you've all lost so much at the hands of Voldemort, but believe me when I say so have I, he killed my brother, I've got no one to call my family, all the people I thought we my friends are either dead or have turned against me, if I don't have this then I really don't have anything left and I am as good as dead.' I spoke trying hard to fight back the tears.

Everyone remained silent. I really couldn't take much more I was about to leave when I felt a hand upon my shoulder. There stood Dean Thomas.

'Welcome to Dumbledore's Army' he greeted me patting me on the back.

I was speechless at his actions but incredibly grateful.

Talk of this rally increased as many in our house had already left to get ready for this big event. No one knew that I had already chosen a side. We all thought that it was for the best that no one knew, not yet anyway or else I was a target and I would be killed for sure.

Auria and I hadn't conversed at all since that night, she would just stare at me whenever I walked past her and she would sit as far away from me as possible. She became unbearable, but deep down I still missed her. We had some really good time when we were younger but we obviously grew into two very different people.

No one spoke of Caleb any more, his existence seemed almost like a distant dream. It was almost like as if he didn't really exist at all.
I knew that Draco was suffering at the lose of one of his closest friends. He would often sit in silence staring into space obviously deeply lost in his thoughts. He would disappear days on end, this would leave me with a sour taste in my mouth knowing that he was off doing work for Voldemort.

DA had appointed me to report any news to them about any dodgy business that might be going around in my house, they knew already of the rally but knew that they were simply to small to do anything to stop it. I could easily speak about many in my house but every time someone would mention Draco I couldn't muster up the strength to tell them anything. Many didn't question me about this, the only person that picked up on it was Neville.

Sitting in the library one evening I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning round I found Neville standing behind me.

'You don't mind if I sit with you?' he asked.

'Sure of course you can' I smiled allowing him to take a seat next to me at the table.

'What's up?' I asked him abandoning my book in front of me.

'What's going on between you and Draco? I feel that you might not completely be telling us everything.' he answered looking at me with concern.

Looking down I felt my heart sink, I couldn't possibly tell him everything.

'Please Marianna, you know you can talk to me about anything' he pleaded taking one of my hands.

A tear ran down my cheek as I looked back up at him.

'I love him Neville, I'm in love with him, I just can't betray him, I'm so sorry' I whispered as tears began to stream down my cheeks.

Neville's face softened as he noticed the tears.

'Please don't tell the others' I pleaded with him.

Wiping away my tears, he gave me a small smile.

'Shhh, don't worry, I won't say anything, don't cry' he said placing his arms around me.

I let myself fall into his hold really needing the affection. I longed for a hug and this was just what I needed.

It was way past curfew by the time I arrived back to the common room. I felt exhausted as I entered into the dark space.

'I knew it!' came a voice out of no where.

Draco was advancing towards me. Backing away slightly I panicked wondering whether he knew that I had joined Dumbledore's army.

'I saw you with him! Don't deny it, I saw you in the library with him!' he shouted his face hot with anger.

I stood shaking my head at him, this was starting to get ridiculous.

'Why should it matter?! I'm not your girlfriend, I can be with who ever I like,' I replied,

'But what about me? Don't I mean anything to you? Can't you even think about my feelings?' he asked his voice lowered slightly.

'There's nothing going on between me and Neville, we're just friends because right now I'm very much lacking in that area' I responded feeling incredibly irritated.

Draco had no idea what I had just done for him back in the library, he had no idea that I had spoken about my feelings towards him. I defended him.

'Can't you even think about my feelings?' I asked 'You're the one that's still going through with this wedding.'

Draco stood speechless, yet again not being able to give me an answer.

'Well that's all I need to know' I said walking off towards the stairs that led to my dorm.

'Where are you going?' he called after me.

'To bed, I can't even look at you right now' I replied heading up the stairs.

The next morning I came down into the common room to find everyone with luggage and coats on. I suddenly realised what day it was.

'So you're still not joining us?' Asked Auria walking over to me.

Disbelief hit me, what sort of question was that?

'No' I merely replied wanting to say more but I knew that it wouldn't be such a good idea.

'Okay, well you know the consequences of your actions' she said staring at me up and down.

'Yes and I will take them into consideration' I replied walking away from her.

Just as I was to head out of the door I saw Draco. Our eyes met as we stood at different sides of the common room. He was packed all ready to leave. I knew that this might be the last time I would ever see him again. Standing there for a moment I took in his strong frame, keeping a mental image of him in my mind. Then I left the common room without a single word.

Walking slowly to the astronomy tower I felt my feet drag under me, this day was going to be the first and last day of many big things. It was safe to say that I had no more friends in the Slytherin house, my little secure circle the 'untouchables' were broken apart, the last day of our friendship. I now gained some new enemies. This was the first day that we were to be on different sides.

Trudging along my heart broke a piece at a time with every step I took. I finally arrived in the tower defeated. Taking a seat by a window I looked over the wonderful grounds of Hogwarts. The lake shone as the sunlight glistened over it's smooth water.

I watched as my house all left the castle together, ready to make the journey to their own deaths. At the front of the group Draco stood, for a moment I could have sworn that he had looked up at the tower at me but I convinced myself that I was imagining it. Then off they went led by the boy I had fallen in love with.

'See you on the other side of the war' I whispered placing a hand against the window pane.

Chapter 10: The war begins..
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

From now on I no longer called myself a Slytherin. Classes carried on as normal, like as if nothing had happened. The DA were good to me as they adopted me as one of them, but even with them behind me I felt empty with a great part of me missing.

Daily I would yearn for Draco, hoping that somewhere out there where ever he was that he was thinking and feeling the same way.

I slept alone in the dorms and spent most of my time in the library or in the grounds just sitting, thinking, wishing and praying.

Weeks past with no news at all, I heard nothing from either side. It was starting to become a rather lonely existence. At least the other member of DA had each other and their house mates. I had no one.

'It's going to be all over soon' Neville tried to reassure me one day.

'What's left for a person who has lost everything?' I asked him mournfully.

Shaking his head he frowned obviously feeling defeated.

'You haven't lost everything, you've gained new friends, you've got me' he replied.

Turning to him I gave him a small smile, I really did appreciate Neville being around. The fact that he just wanted to try and make me feel happy and welcome was really touching. He didn't need to do all of this for me, especially with my track record. I bullied him all through out school yet still wanted to be my friend.

'Why are you being so nice to me?' I asked him.

Laughing slightly he gave me a knowing look.

'Call it a change of heart' he smiled back at me.

It suddenly hit me, he had remembered what I said to him when we first spoke by the lake. I really had changed I was hoping that it was for the good.

'Without suffering there would be no compassion, true faith is the freedom to choose the truth and the good' Neville said taking my hand.

I was starting to realise why I had chosen the path, I still wasn't sure whether I had it in myself to be able to fight against all that I thought was wrong.

'I know you think you're weak, but you're so incredibly strong, where so many people gave in and admitted defeat you stuck to your heart regardless of what dangers maybe coming your way. It's so courageous, the reason why I'm being so nice and wanting to be your friend is because I respect you so much for what you have done.' Neville went on taking me by surprise.

I had never had someone say such things to me, I had never heard anyone say they respected me. I guess because I didn't deserve respect when I was younger. His words uplifted me. I was grateful for this opportunity.

There was no evident sign that any of the Slytherins were to return back to Hogwarts. The DA had now taken refuge in the room of requirement for safety, decorating it with the shields of the different houses I refused to let the Slytherin shield hang with the rest of them. As far as I was concerned Slytherin had let me down. It was here that we spoke of the future. A lot of the DA stayed hopeful that things would certainly get better but I felt that the atmosphere said something different. There was a fear that hung over many, a fear of the unknown. I was amazed that even through this fear they courageously hung on, refusing to give up.

I took to writing everything in a journal recording all my thoughts, feelings and even my plans for when I got out of here and into the world. I found this very much became an emotion crutch for me making sure I spent a little time everyday to write in it.

'I need to get out of this room' I expressed one day. 'I miss the sky.'

'Me too' came a voice.

Looking up I noticed Ginny sitting across from me.

'Do you think it's safe enough to leave and maybe take walk?' I asked suddenly feeling the urge to just run.

'Well we wouldn't be here if it was safe.' she replied but she returned my determined smile, obviously thinking the same thing I was.

'Let's go' I grinned.

Who could harm us out there? If it was any other Slytherin I knew that I could take them on in a heart beat.

Looking around cautiously we made our way to the door and whilst there was no one looking we set ourselves free.

Running down the empty corridors I felt an overwhelming sense of salvation. Heading straight out of the castle doors Ginny and I hit the welcoming breeze as we stood for a moment to stare up at the wondrous blue sky.

I felt a hand creep into mine as we stood motionless in awe of the breathtaking beauty of mother nature. Ginny's hand gave me a peace that I had not felt for a long time.

'We're friends right?' she asked glancing over at me.

'Yeah, friends' I smiled.

Strolling slowly along we spoke of everything, Ginny opened up to me about her feelings for Harry. What she was going through almost seemed parallel to my situation. Both men were off in battle neither one of us wanting them to leave but having to let them go was the hardest part.

'I always think of Draco, I always wonder whether he thinks of me.' I said as we sat under a willow tree.

'I do.'

Jumping up I looked round to find Draco standing behind us.

'What are you doing here?' I asked panic stricken.

Ginny and I both took out our wands, glancing around we held them in the direction of Draco. To do this almost killed me but I knew that I couldn't take any chances, we were now on different sides no matter what had been before all of this.

'I needed to see you' he expressed taking a step forward.

Stepping back instantly I rose my wand higher.

'How do we know that you're not just making this up?' Ginny asked still glancing around.

'Listen I'm on my own' he replied 'but not for long, I have to meet some others very soon, so I have to be quick.'

My heart was beating over time as he stood in front of me. His eyes were just as magnetic as ever. I trembled as my legs became weak.

'I needed to know that you were all right and that you were safe' he went on staring at me in concern.
'I went to your house' he said quickly.

'You went to my house? What's going on with my parents and my family?' I asked suddenly letting my mind wander over to my younger siblings.

'Don't worry they're all safe, your siblings have gone into hiding' he answered. 'but when I found out you weren't there I got worried that something might have happened to you. You haven't been seriously hurt have you?'

'I'm okay' I muttered.

'You look it' he smiled slightly pausing for a second he shuffled his feet. 'Please put down your wand'

I still held my stance, I was unsure whether I was to actually trust him.

'Please' he pleaded, his eyes looking defeated.

I looked over to Ginny, she gave me a small smile nodding at me. I lowered my wand in understanding as she still kept hers pointed in his direction. Running over to me I felt his strong arms embrace me tightly, letting tears pour out of my eyes, I never thought that I would feel his touch ever again.

'I've missed you' I cried as he kissed me softly on the lips.

'I've missed you too' he replied tracing his fingers across my cheek. 'As much as I want to stay I've got to head back.'

Sorrow swept over me as he broke away.

'I've got to warn you though, there is to be an ambush here at Hogwarts, they are out to kill everyone, please go and find safety cause I don't know what I'd do with out you' he finally said before turning away from us and disappearing from my sight.

Chapter 11: This time I'll fight
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

A:N so so so sorry it's been so long since i've updated this, i've been incredibly busy with my band and work etc. so here is the long awaited next chapter, Remember to leave a review. xx

It had been days since Draco's visit. The past few days had been unbearable as we sat waiting for something to happen. The longer we had to wait the worse it felt. It was in the silence that I found myself wanting to tear my hair out. We now had access into Hogsmead through a small passage which led into the Hog's head. Neville and a few other would daily disappear for a moment to collect food for everyone.

Neville did the same as he had done all the other days he had left for the Hog's head. He had been positive that Harry would return soon, but many had lost all hope of anything.

'Oh merlin, It's Harry!' I heard.

Turning around I saw the golden trio enter in. The feeling of despair was now replaced with excitement. There was a sudden buzz in the air and for the first time in ages there was flashes of light that appeared in peoples faces. Others followed into the room greeting Harry and the others. I slipped back into the crowd of people not wanting to draw any sort of attention to myself. I felt totally out of place as everyone was reunited for the first time in ages. All of them friends and I being the outsider.

My heart started to beat faster as I realised that this was it, as Harry spoke announcing the plan the war became very real. We were to fight.

I watched as Luna and Harry disappeared into the castle. I felt the biggest respect for Harry, I couldn't even begin to imagine the sort of things that he had been put through to restore peace.

'What is she doing here?' I heard, I was never going to get used to this.

Ron was now staring over in my direction not looking so impressed.

'I'm here to fight, not for you or for Harry but for my brother' I snapped back as my blood boiled inside of me.

I saw a smile upon Hermione's face as she acknowledged my presence.

'I'm going to be keeping my eye on you' sneered Ron.

'Oh shut up Ron, the fact that she's standing here with the rest of us says enough for where her loyalties lie!' Hermione replied shooting a disgusted look over at the tall red haired boy.

I felt my body relax slightly, silently thanking Hermione.

If you had told me a few years ago that Hermione Granger would be standing up for me I would have just laughed in your face but this was very real as I stood there in front of them.

Moments later Harry had returned.

'We're to head down to the great hall, we're going to fight' he announced.

There was a mighty cheer as everyone began to shuffle out of the room.
Fear had now kicked in as I found myself in the great hall as Professor Mcgonagall gave the orders. At this point I knew that I was still very much torn about that I was to do.

My train of thought was interrupted as the loud booming voice of Lord Voldemort came through the thick hot air.

There were screams and cries as many of the younger students began to panic. A small first year that was sat near me was now holding onto my arm as she sobbed for her mother. Looking down at this small little child my heart began to break. Taking her into my arms I held onto her tightly letting her sob into my chest. I couldn't hear a word as my mind swam with conflicting thoughts.
Suddenly everyone was leaving the Great Hall, grabbing the hand of the young girl I lead her with the crowd. She trembled violently as fear had set into her heavily.

I felt a hand catch my arm dragging me and the small girl away from the vast sea of students. I turned my head to find Draco pulling me along.

'You need to get out of here' he said coming to a halt.

'No' I replied trying to tug away from him.

'Marianna I'm being serious, this is to dangerous I don't want you getting hurt' he demanded holding onto me tightly.

'And I'm being serious when I say that I'm going to fight, I just need to get this little one out of here then I'm coming back' I snapped breaking free from his grasp.

'Marianna!' he called after me as I walked away from him.

Looking back over my shoulder I had lost sight of him, but I just kept heading onwards with the crowd.

As I looked around I spotted a prefect ahead of me, rushing over towards him, I hoped that this guy was feeling charitable.

'hey!' I called after him.

He stopped looking back at me.

'Please could you take this girl and look after her' I asked holding the weeping 1st year.

His face softened as he saw the small child in my arms. He nodded quickly taking her away from me.

'thank you so much, please make sure she stays safe' I smiled kissing the small girl on the cheek.

'You need to get out of here yourself' he replied.

'Oh don't worry about me, I'm big enough to look after myself' I said thanking him again before heading back towards the great hall.

I sprinted back down the stairs pushing many out of the way, I needed to find Draco, I needed to know that he was okay.

The crowd was now thinning down as many had left the castle. In full panic I had now noticed many wizards duelling as sparks flew everywhere.
I ducked as bright flashes of light soared over my head. Suddenly a pair of arms had caught me.
I found myself in a tight embrace, that was when time seem to freeze momentarily.
Breaking away I met his eyes. This was it, either one of us could die tonight.
Taking me back into his arms his lips met mine.
Passion swept over me as his kiss lingered upon my body.
I loved this boy so much.

'Malfoy!' I heard a call.

Crabbe and Goyle were now heading towards us.

'We've got to go' Crabbe spoke again 'We've got to get Potter.'

Draco broke away from me nodding over to the others, his expression was empty and cold. This was the other Draco, the mask that he held up to himself whenever others communicated with him, this was the Draco I grew to dislike. He looked down upon me again and his face instantly softened.

'I need to go' he whispered.

I remained in his arms looking up at him, silently pleading with him, hoping that he would change his mind.

'No' I cried shaking my head.

'I have no choice' he said pushing himself away from me softly.

I grabbed a hold of him in tears, I didn't want him to leave.

'You don't have to do this!' I sobbed tugging him back towards me, 'You have a choice!'

'No' he whispered shaking his head 'I'm sorry'

He struggled to free himself from my grasp as I held onto him tightly.

'Please, don't do this' I pleaded, 'I know that this isn't the Draco that you want to be'

Draco stopped for a second staring deeply into my eyes, he gave me a small smile placing a hand against my cheek.

I closed my eyes as the warmth of his touch swept over me.

Kissing me softly again my heart fluttered in my chest.

'I love you' he whispered in my ear. 'It'll all be over soon'

This time I let him go watching him walk away from me.

Sinking to my knees I placed my head into my hands and began to sob.
Suddenly a flash of light hit me sending me through the air.
Pain seared through my chest as I opened my eyes to find someone standing over me.
'You just can't leave him alone' came a voice as the body remained standing over me.

Chapter 12: Friends or enemies? - mild violence warning
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

a/n: Ok so it's been a very long time since i've updated this story but i just read it and thought that it was worth completing!! hope you enjoy this next chapter!

My vision was blurred as my body felt a numbing pain flow through it.

'I said you just can't leave him alone' the voice cried out as the figure stood over me.

Disorientated I tried my best to slowly stand up, muttering words of confusion my mind went foggy as if a dark cloud had formed in my head.
Suddenly another flash of light struck me sending me into shock as I hit the gorund once again. Screaming out in pain I couldn't find the strength to reach for my wand.

'I told you that I loved him, I confided in you and you didn't give a damn' the voice was now becoming clearer as the pain was subsiding.

'Pansy!' I heard being called 'Leave her alone!'

It all happened so fast but as my vision was restored colours flew past my eyes. Standing straight I found an unconcious Pansy Parkinson at my feet. My head was pounding as I felt something warm and sticky run down my face. Placing my hand up to touch my cheek scarlet drops of blood smudged onto my finger tips. In a blind panic I moved my hand further up my face to discover a deep cut tracing my hair line. A feeling of nausea sank in as I slumped to the ground.

'Anna' cried that familiar voice.

Where was that coming from? I thought to myself as my eyes became heavier with every blink.

'Anna Banana, please talk to me'

The peircing eyes looking down on me made me sit up slighting in suprise.

'Auria, help me' I cried trying to keep myself from falling into a deep sleep.

'Oh Anna, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said those things to you, these past few weeks have been complete hell without you' Auria sobbed as she watched over me.

I could just make out the terror in her eyes as the blood that flowed down my head was reflected in her large pupils.

'I love you' I sighed as my pulse began to weaken under my chest.

'Now don't you dare speak like that!' Auria sobbed 'I'm going to get you some help!'

Suddenly everything went hazy and I was swallowed up into complete darkness.

When you are unconcious there is no awareness of time or actions. My body felt as if I was floating upon a cloud and in my dreams I wondered if I was alive or dead. A serenity was the first feeling that rushed through me. A soft sort of peace and whilst I was gone to the world I was in my own perfect universe. Those memories of walking through the grounds of Hogwarts where nature was my only company flooded past my eyes. If I had died then let this be my heaven. It was beautiful beyond words.

'Marianna' came a whisper through the trees.

I ignored it hoping that it would leave me alone.

'Marianna' it came again.

'No' I muttered.

I did not want to leave this place, these feelings and the happiness of peace.

'Marianna please come back' the voice pleaded.

'No' I protested shouting my reply at the top of my lungs.

'Please' the voice begged.

Suddenly the winds kicked in, all the visions of nature were being blown away around me as gail force powers ripped mighty oaks from their roots and water from its strong foundations. A black hole appeared before me sucking everything I loved into it. The grass under feet started to shift forward bringing me with it. I fought with all my might as I was being pulled out of my own peice of heaven.

My eyes opened instantly and I was back on earth.

I was alive after all, but did I really want to be?




Chapter 13: Everyone's little distraction
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

'Mother?' I whispered as I blinked questioning whether my eyes were decieving me.

Sitting up straight I noticed the white walls around me, looking down I was dressed in white robes and the pungent scent of disinfectant filled my nose.

'Where am I?' I panicked raising my body up forcing myself to move.

My mother's face soon flooded with concern as she placed her hands on my shoulders pushing me back down to the bed.

'You're in St Mungos. I'm sorry darling, You've been unconcious for several days now' she replied.

Lifting my hand upon my forehead the memories all came flooding back. Tracing my fingers across my hair line I could feel the scar that was left there.
A small reminder of the injuries inflicted on me at the hands of Pansy Parkinson. My mind started to wonder off. Where was Draco? Was he safe? Was he even alive?

'Where is everyone?' I cried as doubt poured through my me.

'Auria and Draco are safe but.....' My mothers words trailed off before she could even finish the sentence.

'But what? Tell me?' I pleaded trying to free myself from her grasp.

Searching her eyes I was hoping to find some sort of answer but her emerald beauties would not give anything away.

'BUT WHAT MOTHER?!' I asked again with as much force as I could muster.

My mother had held her breath trying to find the courage to reply to my demands.
Letting out a deep sigh she placed her hand upon my mine and her face fell into an apologetic projection of a mother that in real life would care.
It was the first time she had shown any sort of genuine affection towards me and I detested the fact that it had taken such drastic measures in order for her to do so.

'Auria's parents as well as Draco's family have asked that you stay away from both of them from now on. They are determined to have both of them married as soon as possible without any distractions.' she finally replied.

My heart crumbled under her words as I felt bitterness and sadness weave within me.

'Is that all I am? A distraction?' I spoke as tears started to flow down my face.

'I'm sorry my darling but after this war they felt it was nessasary that the two should be married as soon as possible for securities sake. Both families have gone into hiding and so has your father.' My mother interjected.
'It's for the best my love, I don't want you being mixed up with the likes of Draco Malfoy, look at the crazy thoughts he has planted into your mind, he's a blood traitor'

My mothers words cut through me like a knife, I was shocked and appaulled by what I was hearing. Shaking my head in disbelief I forcefully wiped away my tears.

'They were not his ideas mother, they were my own' I answered my voice cold and full of hatred.

'Now now sweetheart you can't possibly mean that!' cooed my mother stroking my cheek with her icy finger tips.

I shivered under her touch, it felt as if she had grazed my cheek with her nails her fingers were so cold.

'Get out' I whispered, the venom of hatred had pierced through my skin and the poison was now flowing through my veins.

'I beg your pardon?' my mother asked in shock, her body shot up in defence as her face creased into small lines of confusion.

'I SAID GET OUT! I DO NOT WANT TO LAY EYES ON YOU EVER AGAIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?' I shouted unable to keep it in any longer.

The lady sitting by my bedside was no longer worthy of being called mother, she was the lowest form of humanity that had ever graced the earth and I wanted nothing more to do with her.

'Perfectly' she replied her face proud as she rose from her seat.

Turning onto my side I couldn't even face watching her leave the room.


I was now on my own, no family, no friends and no Draco.

After leaving St Mungos I had found myself somewhere to live with the inheritance left for me from my grandfather. I got a job in a small cafe just on the corner of Diagon Alley and started to rebuild my life back. Each morning I would wake up, shower, have breakfast and leave for work, filling my life with this routine trying to push out any thoughts of Draco as far out of my mind as possible and as time went on it seemed to work. Eventually he rarely crossed my mind as I started to make new friends and build up new relationships.

'Hello' I heard as I wiped down table counters at the cafe one day.

'I'm sorry we're closed' I replied as I cleaned, not even bothering to look up.

'I'm not here for a cup of tea' the person replied.

Turning around I froze at the sight before me, my hand flew open and the cloth that was trapped between my fingers flowed freely to the ground.

'Neville' I smiled a little bewildered at his presence.

It had been some time since I had seen anyone of my fellow Hogwart's class mates. Several of them had taken off all around the country to live their lives happily away from the city.

'So do I get a hug then?' he asked his face beaming.

Still lost for words I managed to stumble towards him and I fell into his tight embrace.

'Fancy grabbing a pint?' he asked releasing me from his hold and looking down at my wildly shocked face.

'Sounds like a plan!' I laughed hugging him once more.

After locking up the cafe, I grabbed my bag and proceeded to stroll down the alley with Neville. It was a warm summers evening and the sun was starting to dim down. Heading towards a local pub we chatted busily catching up on all the latest happenings.

'Well Hermione and Ron got married and now they are expecting their first child in september.'

I smiled to myself, it was nice that someone was making something of their lives after the war.

'Ah that lovely' I sighed 'How long has it been Nev?'

'About 5 years' he replied as we headed into the pub.

The place was full of people enjoying a nice cold butterbeer after work. The friendly chatter and happy faces filled me with a slight sense of peace. People's faces were no longer full of sorrow for the lives that were lost all those years ago. But there was a pang that hit my heart as I realised that there was one face that I would never see again. What I would give just to see his face one more time.

'So how are you doing?' Neville asked his face deep in concern.

Taking a slow sip of my drink my eyes met the floor momentarily. Sighing I put on my mask, the one that I used almost daily to convince the friends around me that I was happy.

'I'm fine' I replied forcing a smile upon my lips.

Neville's expression remained the same, the concern that was written across his face was flattering but also some what irritating. I had seen that look before, that pity that people felt they had to express to me, the slight tilting of the head to one side, it was all to familiar.

'Don't look at me like that' I laughed pushing my hand at his chest lightly. 'I'm good, I havn't seen Draco in years, I heard he married Auria and I chose to move on, I've got friends now, I'm now the manager of a beautiful cafe and I've got my own place. Really things are best off this way.'

Neville returned the smile, placing his hand on mine he held my gaze. His touch was warm and friendly and it left me contented.

'If you ever need anything please don't hesitate in asking.' he spoke softly 'I'm always going to be your friend and you know that.'

I smiled looking away from Neville and letting my mind wonder. It was nice to see an old familiar face. The feeling I had was not what I expected. I swore to myself that I would never bring up the past cause I was afraid it would be to painful but this seemed natural.

'It's funny how things have turned out.' I sighed leaning on the mahogany bar in front of me. 'Anyway enough about me, how about you Professor Longbottom, Herbology teacher, you're back at Hogwarts!'

Neville laughed placing his drink next to him. Taking my hand he smiled. His skin was soft and his touch was gentle.

'You see that's what I came here for, I was sent here by Professor Mcgonagall, she is offering you a job as the new Charms Professor.'

Taking a step back I felt my body weaken slightly, my heart began to race as the images of Hogwarts went streaming through my mind. Could I actually go back there after all this time?
Slipping slightly my balance was lost, propping myself up against the bar I had to breath slowly to steady my nerves.

'Marianna are you ok?' Neville asked grabbing my free arm and fetching me a stool to sit on.

'Yeah I'm fine' I whispered slowly 'I never thought of ever going back there.'

'I think it's might be good for you' Neville replied placing an arm around me in a comforting manner.

Placing a hand on my chest I could feel the rapid thudding of my heart gradually beginning to speed up.

'I think I might need to sleep on it' I spoke finally staring up at Neville with wide eyes.


'Why am I doing this?' I said nervously trying hard not to turn back and go straight home . 'Neville why the hell are you making me do this?!'

After one week's worth of thinking, many conversation with Neville and a final letter of persuation from Mcgonagall and I had found myself on platform 9 3/4 waiting for a train that would send me to the last place I never would have imagined even stepping foot in again.
Neville chuckled as he brushed his hand against my back in reasurrance.

'Because I persuaded Mcgonagall that you would be the best person for this job, you were always one of the top pupils for charms, you excelled in the class.' he replied with a cheeky grin.

'Well that was a bad idea' I muttered sarcastically.

Suddenly my head snapped up as I head the familiar sound of wheels on the train track. The Hogwarts express was impressive as ever. The beautiful scarlett engine pulled upto the platform its bellows of smoke filling the air leaving a thick foggy atmosphere, the smell of the charcoal filled my nose sending me back to the first time I had ever seen this magnificent beast of a train. I was terrified of the noises and the pure size of it as a child. It reminded me of an elegant, fearsome dragon ready to take off and fly away at any moment. The memories of first meeting Draco on that platform filled my mind. He was a skinny little eleven year old boy, his platinum blonde hair reflecting the light was slicked back on his head with lashings of hair gel. He reminded me of a ferret which later on was proved when he was turned into one in our fourth year. I giggled to myself as I remember him coughing up fur balls for a week after he was changed back. the thought made me smile but soon touched that hallow part of my heart that had been there for so long after he left me for Auria.

'Ready to go?' Neville's voice rang through my daydreams sending me back to reality.

'No' I sighed stepping onto the train. 'I'll never be ready.'

The journey up to Hogwarts seemed to go on for an eternity, the train was empty as the new school year would not start for another week. As we sat silently in a compartment my thoughts began to gather up conflicting my judgement and doubts of my actions began to appear. What if this was a huge mistake? What if I couldn't cope? It all seemed rather overwhelming and my body began to react to this. My hands shook with nerves as I trembled with fear. My pulse started to race and my skin crawled, but it was to late. I couldn't tell the train to stop and go back we were almost there.

'We're here' Neville finally spoke up as the train pulled into Hogmeade.

My legs felt like jelly as I tried to rise from my seat. I became very aware of the rapid rate in which I was breathing. I was at risk of having a panic attack but as I stepped of the train I allowed myself to take a deep breath and gather up some composure. I felt like a teenager again taking a carriage up to the castle and there it was still grand as ever, Hogwarts was always a sight to behold.

'Welcome back' Neville smiled as we pulled up to the front of the huge castle. Professor Mcgonagall was waiting at the front doors with a wide grin on her face. I couldn't help but return the smile as I stepped of the carriage, running up to her rather unprofessionally I gave her the tightest embrace possible.

'Now stand back let me take a look at you' she said as she released me from her hold. 'Well you've certainly grown up to be a very beautiful woman, we're going to have to watch out for some of our male students, full of hormones you know!'

I laughed as I felt tears prick my eyes. Wiping them away quickly I looked up at the woman I had respected for many years. She in turn was staring back at me with the same admiration and tears were now beginning to form in her eyes. Regaining her posture she smoothed down her dress and let out a big sigh.

'Right well we better get you to your quarters so you can unpack and freshen up, we have a staff meeting in twenty minutes' she said quickly leading me back into the castle that once had been my home