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The Trials of Lily and James by Hatake_Kakashi

Format: One-shot
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 2,328

Rating: 12+
Warnings: Mild Language

Genres: General, Humor
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 11/19/2006
Last Chapter: 12/01/2006
Last Updated: 12/01/2006

James finally got Lily to go out with him in their 7th year...but wait! Lily is furious with him, and it's back to the way it was?! Apparently they had some sort of arguement that no one knows about...What on earth did James say to her?!?!

Chapter 1: Um...One Week featuring Lily and James?
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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything relating to One Week and the artist Barenaked Ladies, nor do I try...This is merely a way to show how much like them both...*looks around and holds up sign that says: 'Help me!! The lawyers wrote this totally uncool, and non-funny speech for me!! HELP!!!'*clears throat* so yeah, not mine...UN!

A/N: I have no idea if this song has been written to this pairing or anything, and honestly I don't care...And forewarning, while to me, I find most of it entertaining, and amusing, I hate the ending, yet I am reluctant to change it...1) I am a lazy good-for-nothing teenager, and 2) I can not think of anything else, and hey...I just don't FEEL like it...So, BEWARE!

“Lily come back!!” James shouted as his beloved Lily ran out the portrait door and slammed it behind her, leaving him to stand there with a shocked look mingled with hurt and disbelief as he watched the door.

“Cheer up Prongs, she actually agreed to go out with you this year, give her some time……” soothed Sirius as he came up behind him with Remus and Peter.

“Right……some time……” James mumbled as he turned dejectedly to the Boy’s dorms…

It’s been one week since you looked at me,
Cocked your head to the side and said, “I’m angry!”

“Sirius are you SURE I should be giving her this much time? Did you see her face when she said that? I think I’m in big trouble……” James worried on as Lily was still refusing to even be within a yard of him.

“Of course I am James, you just got to give Evans some time, and I mean…you DID make her really angry……” was the reply.

Five days since you laughed at me saying,
“Get that together, come back and see me.”

“Remus what did THAT mean? Get what together? What ELSE can I get together, besides with her?!” James protested to Remus, who was his only friend who would listen now, as Sirius had given up on trying getting his mind off of her.

“James you ARE an idiot! Do you really expect me to tell you that, when it’s so obvious that you have to figure that out on your own?!” retorted Remus, who also, was beginning to tire of James’s whining.

Three days since the living room
I realized it’s all my fault, but couldn’t tell you.

“What have I done?” James muttered as he thought back to his fight with Lily from a while ago now.

“You get it know you dunce-bucket?!” cried Sirius and Remus who had been waiting for this moment to come, “When are you going to confess?!”

“I can’t tell her……I just can’t guys…” James admitted softly as he looked at them with pained eyes.

Yesterday you’d forgiven me
But it’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry.

“James, I’m sorry I stormed out on you but…you really made me angry when you said that!” Lily apologized frustrated that she was the one who had to apologize first.

“It’s okay Lily, I understand what I did wrong now……” James agreed happily taking her in his arms for the first time in what to him felt like forever.

“So…aren’t you going to say something to me now James?” Lily asked trying to hide the tone of annoyance in her voice.

“No, what else is there to say?” James replied innocently before having his feet stomped on and watching his Lily stalk away from him again furious.

“What did you do NOW James?!” admonished Sirius, Remus, and Peter as they noticed the angry Lily going up to the Girl’s dorms without saying a word to anyone.

“I didn’t do ANYTHING!!”


Hold it now and stop to watch the hoodwink,
As I make you stop think,
You’ll think you’re looking at Aquaman!
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss,
I like the sushi,
Cause it’s never touched a frying pan!
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes,
Big like LeAnn Rimes,
Because I’m all about value!
Bert Kaempfert’s got the mad hits,
Try to match wits,
You try to hold me but I bust through!
Gonna make a break and take a fake,
I’d like a stinkin’ achin’ shake,
I like vanilla, it’s the finest of the flavors!
Gotta see the show, cause then you’ll know
The vertigo is gonna grow,
Cause it’s so dangerous,
You’ll have to sign a waiver!

“James, I don’t know if she’ll EVER take you back now……” Sirius claimed as he patted James’s back.

“Thanks Sirius…I feel LOADS better……” James snapped irritably.

How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad?
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad.

“Isn’t she so cute when she’s glaring at me with her beautiful eyes? Just like old times……” James commented as he smiled weakly as he saw Lily glaring at him.

“You’ll never learn will you?” Remus asked exasperated as he watched his friend try to force down a genuine smile so Lily wouldn’t get madder.

I’m the kind of guy, who laughs at a funeral,
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will.

“James how can you say that?!” Peter exclaimed as he listened to what James was saying.

“What’s your problem Wormtail? It was funny! I mean, it’s not like I had ever cared for the old bat……”

“Peter has a point James, even though I have to admit it could possibly be funny to watch the funeral of someone you disliked only to see her body accidentally catch fire, that doesn’t stop it from being disrespectful to family and other deceased people!” Remus defended with a serious tone to his voice.

“James just over hearing SOME of that makes me think you even MORE despicable!!” Lily cried over her shoulder as she pushed past them and ran ahead.

James merely looked dumbfounded, while Sirius took the time to lean in and whisper to Remus, “I think she was crying……it’s either getting better or worse……” Remus just nodded.

I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve,
I have a history of taking off my shirt.

“James…are you okay?” Peter questioned warily as he noticed that James was running around the common room without his shirt……for the third time that day……

“Absolutely SPIFFING!!!” James hollered back as he jumped a couch and rolled on the ground. Everyone was looking at him with amusement in their eyes, everyone except Lily……

“Remus…I think he’s suffering from a bad case of No-Lilyitis……” Sirius whispered quietly.

“I’m afraid that I have to wholly agree with you Sirius……this is getting a tad out of hand……” Remus affirmed as they watched James begin dancing on the table……

It’s been one week since you looked at me,
Threw your arms in the air and said, “You’re crazy!”

“James, I don’t think that’s a good idea……” Remus warned as he watched his friend climb higher up the tree.

“If this doesn’t impress her, then NOTHING will!!” James answered looking determined as he climbed the tree that was on the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

“Potter! What do you think you’re doing?!” Lily bellowed as she came up and saw what he was doing.

“Trying to impress you love!” James shouted back down grinning.

“What are you, five?! You’re such an idiotic psychopath!!” Lily cursed as she walked away from the tree and towards the castle.

“Lily wa-OW!!” James had fallen out of the tree.

Five days since you tackled me,
I’ve still got the rug burns on both my knees.

“Lily come on! You know you still care for me!!” James persisted as he bugged Lily the day after his ‘dramatic/heroic’ fall.

“Potter, if you say something like that again….” Lily grumbled before growling menacingly.

“Say something like what? That you still care for me?” James paused to turn his back on her and to ask, with a smirk, Sirius and Remus, “You guys still think she likes me don’t you?”

“I’m not saying anything, you?” Sirius asked Remus under his breath as he saw the murderous glint in Lily’s eyes.

“Nope, but I do suggest we get out of the way……” Remus murmured back as they took steps away from each other, to allow a large gap to form.

“Guys what are you doing? Aren’t you going to—AHH!!” James was injured for the second time in two days…Lily had tackled him giving him first degree rug burns on both his knees…what an unlucky day to wear shorts………

It’s been three days since the afternoon
You realized it’s not my fault not a moment too soon.

“Potter you arrogant, self-centered, jerk!!” Lily threatened as she advanced on James with her fist raised.

“Lily, please don’t do this! I wasn’t the one who said that!! I was just telling you what I had heard!!!” James decreed as Lily was about to strike.

“W-What?” Lily stammered as she lowered her fist slightly.

“I heard it from some Ravenclaws, and thought I ought to tell you……” James explained slowly.

“Oh James……”

Yesterday you’d forgiven me,
And now I sit back and wait till you say you’re sorry.

“See Lily? It wasn’t me!” James continued on.

“James, I totally forgive you for being a jerk, even if it wasn’t your fault……”

Chickity China the Chinese chicken,
You have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking.
Watchin’ X-Files with no light on,
We’re Dans la Maison,
I hope the Smokin’ Man’s in this one!
Like Harrison Ford I’m getting frantic,
Like Sting I’m tantric,
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy!
Like Kurasawa I make mad films,
Okay I don’t make films,
But if I did they’d have a samurai!
Gonna get a set o’ better clubs,
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs,
Just so my irons aren’t always flying off the back-swing!
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon,
Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes,
That makes me think the wrong thing!

“Do you think it can work out now?” Sirius inquired of his friend Remus as they watched Lily and James kiss for the first time in about two weeks.

“We’ll just have to wait and see……”

How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad?
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad.
I’m the kind of guy, who laughs at a funeral,
Can’t understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will.
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve,
I have a history of losing my shirt.

“They’re laughing together…should we be happy as well?” asked Peter timidly as the three friends watched their buddy get his former girlfriend to smile happily once more.

“I suppose we should Peter…I suppose we should……” Remus muttered as he grinned at the pair of them.

It’s been one week since you looked at me,
Dropped your arms to your sides and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Listen James…I just want you to know…I’m sorry for doing this…but you’re going to have to point out these Ravenclaws who said it okay?” Lily affirmed as she and James sat by the fire in one another’s arms.

“Of course Lily……of course……” James mumbled as he thought about what Lily could possibly do to a couple of Ravenclaws for saying THAT……

Five days since I laughed at you and said,
“You just did just what I thought you were gonna to do!”

“You know Lily…I knew you couldn’t resist me for long……” James pondered as he looked into the fire as it gradually got higher.

“Oh yeah? What made you think that?” Lily countered with interest, not anger.

“I saw it in your eyes, and I knew all along that you would come back to me……” James told her chuckling slightly.

Three days since the living room,
We realized we’re both to blame, but what could we do?

“You know…in all reality it’s both of ours faults…” Lily randomly commented as they watched the fire begin to die after its moment of glory.

“Huh? Really? What’s our fault then?” James appealed gently as he ran his hand through her hair.

“You shouldn’t have told me in the first place, and I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge you……” Lily confessed.

“I guess you’re right……”

Yesterday you just smiled at me,
Cause it’ll still be two days before we say we’re sorry……

“Goodnight James…” Lily told him with a warm smile as she went upstairs just before the clock struck midnight.

“Goodnight…” James murmured as he went up the Boy’s dorms.

It’ll still be two days before we say we’re sorry…

“James, what did you say to her in the first place that you got from those Ravenclaws?” Remus asked curiously as James sat down on his bed.

It’ll still be two days before we say we’re sorry……

“So Lily……” began one of the girls who shared Lily’s dorm, “What DID James say to you that got you so riled up?”

“Oh…that…” they both replied, but even though in different places, saying the exact same thing, “(He/I) called (me/her) a Sailor Scout.”

“A WHAT?!” assured their friends for they had no idea what was going on……

Both Lily and James were smirking, their plan had worked…They had planned to pretend to get upset at each other, or at least Lily at James, and drive their friends crazy as they tried to get them back together…Calling Lily a ‘Sailor Scout’ was the worst thing James had been able to come up within a span of two seconds……

Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie…………

A/N: Told you it sucked...Anyway, why don't you tell me how much you think it sucked with a review? Flame or kind, I don't care...I like fire as a matter of fact...And if you think you know of a good thing to have James have supposedly said to Lily, also review and tell me!