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Empty by harrylilyjames

Format: Novella
Chapters: 24
Word Count: 43,780

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Drama, Angst, AU
Characters: Lily, James
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 09/17/2006
Last Chapter: 06/11/2008
Last Updated: 06/21/2009


banner by Alora. Prequel and Sequel are now up! 
Lily swore that a moment ago everything was perfect. She had a perfect husband, a perfect marriage, and a perfect little boy to complete their perfect family. But a second can change everything, because a minute is all it takes for life to be snatched from the world. A minute ago everything was wonderful. But now everything will change with a few heart-shattering words: "He's gone, Lily. Harry's gone."

Chapter 1: The Attack.
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Chapter image by Ann is Luna Lovegood. Thanks MegElemental for checking it over.

It was the early hours of the morning, exactly five minutes past seven, when, on the second floor, the familiar cries rang through the house from the bedroom at the end of the hall.

The black haired man, who was comfortably wrapped up in the thick duvet gave a low grunt and turned over. The woman lying next to him was sprawled out across her side of the bed, her arms and legs bent at different angles and her mouth hanging open as she snored heavily, a stream of her saliva dripping down across her cheek and making a small patch as it landed onto her pillow.

“Lily?” James asked, as he loosened the blanket from around him and stretched his arms and legs, making some of his bones crack as they were pulled apart from one another.

James looked up at the plain, white ceiling, waiting for his wife to answer him, but nothing came from her. James turned over onto his side and peeped over Lily’s back and looked down onto one flawless side of her face, he took a deep breath to begin his retaliation, but Lily who knew him too well, cut smoothly across him.

“It’s your turn,” she mumbled, keeping her eyelids shut- no doubt, trying her best to fall back to sleep.

James smiled at her and as he took in every detail of the woman’s face he let the silence fall between the two of them. The cries could still be heard, but when Lily made no move of getting out of the bed. James sighed he knew it was pointless to start an argument. It was a well known fact that Lily loved her sleep.

“Fine, but you owe me one,” he whispered, sliding out from underneath the duvet and pushing his black-rimmed glasses onto his nose. He grabbed hold of his housecoat from its hanging place on the back of the chair and without another word to his wife he made his way out of the room and down the hall to his son’s room.

“Hey mister,” Lily could hear James say, and Harry giggled his response, before he started on his long and non-understandable ramble, where ‘daddy’ ‘poo poo’ and ‘pee wee’ could be made out. Lily smiled to herself.

“Tell mummy that when we see her,” James replied to his son, his voice getting louder as he came up towards the door of the bedroom.

Lily watched as James came into view just outside on the landing, Harry securely in his arms. Lily smiled and gave her son a wave, Harry laughed and clapped his small hands together.

“Tell mummy what’s wrong,” James said in his ‘baby’-tone of a voice, while taking the blue pacifier out of his son’s mouth

“Poo poo,” Harry said. His first and only two teeth visible on his bottom gum.

“Daddy can do it,” Lily said, glancing at James, who made a disgusted face at her.

“You’re pushing it today missy,” he mumbled, before turning around and continuing on his way downstairs to the kitchen. Harry could still be hard on his little ramble, about ‘boos’ and ‘bold’.

Lily, who knew it was going to be near to impossible to get another minute of sleep rolled onto her back, she knew too well that when James was finished with cleaning Harry and making his breakfast the toddler would be shouting at the top of his voice up the stairs to her, telling her to get out of bed and saying things such as ‘Harry wake,’ and ‘not sleepy time’ and then if she was just too lazy to answer him, he would make his rather long journey up to her room and with all his energy try to pull the blanket off of her, and even if he didn’t get the blanket down onto the ground. Lily couldn’t just ignore her little angel, even now after a year and a half of having him; she was still in awe at how perfect he was in every single way.

Lily swung her feet out from under the blanket, where they landed on the cold wooden floor. She cursed as goose-bumps sprouted up onto her skin and gave herself a mental reminder to tell James to get carpet.

Shivering slightly under her pink, silk nightdress, Lily quickly pulled on her housecoat and made her way downstairs to find James, sitting at the wooden table, in the kitchen, with a spoon-full of porridge in his hand, moving it in circles and zigzags in front of Harry, pretending that it was a 'Snitch' that would finally zoom into his sons open mouth.

Harry laughed every time he caught the ‘snitch’, his mouth bulging with the breakfast.

“I think we have a Quidditch seeker in the making,” James declared, as he stood up from his chair, he wiped his son’s face with a tissue, getting rid of any remains of food that didn’t make into Harry’s mouth, after making sure that his son’s face was once again clean, he walked over to where Lily was standing and dropped the bowl and spoon into the sink before he grabbed Harry’s juice bottle from the counter and handed it over to Harry.

“He’s going to be a famous dragon slayer,” Lily protested as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

“Yea, and one day you’ll come home to find your son burnt alive by a fifty-foot Fireball,” James said, a smile flashing momentarily on his face.

James walked back over and stood beside Lily.

“Excuse you. If he played seeker for England he could get bludgered alive right in front of thousands of people, and anyway I think it would be more heroic if he died facing a dragon,” Lily said, smiling at how ridiculous this conversation was sounding, she put her glass to her lips and took a sip of her Orange Juice.

“Oh so now you’re planning my son’s death,” James said turning around to face Harry, “Hear that son, you’re barely two and your own mother is planning how you’re going to die,” James teased.

“Oi!” Lily shouted thumping James playfully in the arm, “I’m not planning his death, I’m just saying. If it did happen,” she said, and the two of them smiled at each other.

“I love it when you get all flustered,” James said. Lily looked towards him, his eyes sinking deeply into hers; he smiled as he leaned in towards her and they kissed.


The two of them abruptly broke apart from the sudden yell and they turned to see Sirius storm across the kitchen and pick his smiling godson up out of the highchair.

“You’ll scar him for life by getting ‘jiggy-jiggy’ right in front of him,” Sirius said, before, with Harry still in his arms he walked back out of the kitchen, “Its OK, I saved you,” the man could be heard saying.

James and Lily both just stood there, stunned into silence at the sudden appearance of Sirius Black.

“Jiggy-jiggy?” Lily asked looking completely baffled. James smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know. It’s Sirius,” he said as if this could explain the stupid expression.

Lily shook her head, a huge smile on her face. She turned around and grabbed a pacifier from the small bag before she walked out of the kitchen and into the sitting room, where the sound of Sirius’s voice could be heard. .

As the two of them stepped into the room, they came face-to-face with the scene of a fully-grown man sitting crossed-legged on the floor, playing with small miniature goblins, Harry sitting comfortably in between his legs.

Lily sat down on the sofa, curling her legs underneath her. James sat down beside her, a small smile just barely noticeable on his face as he watched his best mate play with his son.

Harry looked up from his gazing of his toys, “mama,” he said untangling himself from Sirius’s legs and running over to Lily.

Lily picked her son up in her hands and gave him a hug, which was only one of the hundreds he got every single day. His little arms wrapped loosely around her neck as he hugged her back.

“Did you have a good night’s sleep?” Lily asked looking into her son’s sparkling blue eyes.

“Boos… me scared… me-me went ahhhh!!” Harry said screaming the last part.

“Did you kill them?” Lily asked balling her fist into the air.

“Yea… me went yawww!” and Lily watched as he started moving his tiny arms wildly as if attacking invisible people.

The three grown-ups laughed in unison and Harry who knew he had all their attention clambered down off the sofa and ran towards Sirius, head-butting his godfather full force in the stomach.

“Ow!” Sirius puffed, falling backwards Harry toppling on top of his chest “OK, OK, you’ve killed me,” Sirius said trying his best to get control of the toddler, whose cheeks were now bright red.

“Harry, settle down,” James said standing up to his tall height; he swiftly strolled over and scooped up his son into his arms before walking back to the sofa. He sat down and placed a pacifier into Harry’s mouth. Harry fell silent and cuddled up against his daddy’s chest.

“Can I bring him out today?” Sirius asked, as he stood up from the ground and brushed down the front of his clothes.

“Yea, sure,” Lily said, watching James whisper something into Harry’s ear.

“You be good, okay?” Lily said, putting the small black coat on her son, who nodded his head while watching Lily’s hands zip the jacket closed.

“Give me your soother,” Lily said holding out her hand, Harry took the pacifier out of his mouth and placed it onto his mum’s open palm, before pecking a wet kiss on her lips.
“See you later,” Lily said. Harry smiled before running out into the hall where Sirius was waiting beside the flaming fire.

“We’ll be back in an hour or two, okay?” Sirius shouted into her.

“Okay,” Lily replied, as she sat down onto one of the kitchen chairs, she at in the silence for a few second, just before two hands came from behind, and gently squeezed her shoulders.

“We have a free house,” James whispered into her ear.

Lily looked towards the clock on the wall, and sighed. “It’s just barely nine hours since the last time,” Lily whispered, even though there was no-one in the house to overhear them.

“So,” James replied. Lily bent her neck to look up at him.

“We’ll enjoy it less if we do it too many times in the space of twenty four hours,” Lily said. James leaned down to her.

“Does it look like I care,” he whispered just before he roughly kissed her, and with that one kiss- Lily felt alive, as if a thousand bolts of lightning were running through her body, and this was the one reason she despised James Potter- because she was completely his…

It was the following day and Lily was in the kitchen, trying to brew up a potion. Harry stood beside her, his hand tugging on her trousers.

“Okay,” she said, stepping away from her son, who lost his grip on her trousers, she twisted the tap on and let the water run over the small green fruit.

“Here you go,” Lily said turning around and bending down to her son, she handed over the small green grape to him.

Harry smiled at her as he took the grape he giggled with happiness, his head being wobbled from side-to-side. He turned around and trotted off towards the opened front door.

Lily couldn’t help but smile. She had the most adorable son a mother could ever wish for.

She dried her wet hands with the tea-towel before turning to face the small black bubbling cauldron on the counter.

“What did you get?” Lily heard her husband ask Harry from the front garden.

She twisted a strand of her red hair around her finger and tucked it securely behind her ear before she continued to stir the potion, she began to hum a song to herself while she intently watched the liquid in the cauldron turn a pale sky-blue color, but her concentration was ruined when something warm and soft nuzzled the side of her neck.

“You’re supposed to be outside minding your son,” she said her neck automatically bending side-ways, as the warm sensation ran down her spine. She couldn’t stop the smile which spread across her face.

“What? I can’t give you a kiss now?” James whispered seductively into Lily’s ear and he bit her shoulder blade ever-so softly. Lily twisted around to face him.

“I’m trying-,” but Lily couldn’t finish her sentence as James’s lips roughly met hers and they kissed.

“Go and mind your son,” she puffed, when she finally prized herself away from James’s soft and warm lips.

“You’re way too paranoid,” James whispered his warm breath brushing Lily’s hair off her face. “He can’t get into danger in the ten seconds I’ve been here,” he said and a cocky smile shot across those stupid lips of his.

Lily looked up at him and laughed at how idiotic he still was after eight years of being together. But before they could say another word to one another, a gush of wind met their ears.

They watched as pure terror took over the love which was just on their faces.


“Harry,” Lily whispered, her heart jumping up into her throat.

Without another thought, she pushed James away and sprinted out of the kitchen, her cloak billowing out behind her as she ran towards the door her feet echoing against the wooden floor. She shouldered the slightly ajar door before toppling outside. She steadied herself, her breaths coming out in puffs. She could see her one-year-old son standing in the middle of the large path, not moving, just standing there, his head turned in the other direction.

“Harry?!” Lily screamed her lungs aching for oxygen, Harry did not respond to her voice.

Lily jumped down the flight of steps which led to the front door of their house, James right at her heels. She ran around the water fountain before falling painfully onto her knees in front of her child.


Her son’s head was bent and from what she could see, his eyes looked like they were closed. She grabbed hold of his tiny shoulders and shook him slightly.
Lily was waiting for him to look up and scream ‘Boo!’ but to her horror his little body just collapsed against her chest.

“James!!” she screamed in terror.

Her husband fell down beside her, and he lifted Harry out of her hands. He fumbled for a moment inside his jumper before pulling out his wand and shakily muttering an incantation.

Lily’s heart soared as Harry coughed, but just a split second later blood spilled horribly out of his mouth and dribbled over his chin and down onto his blue jumper. She let out a mournful howl and she started to cry, but without even a glance towards Lily, James stood up from the ground, with Harry still in his arms and he ran towards the house.

Lily followed…

“Help! Help!” James yelled as he and Lily ran though the corridors of St Mungos.

They pushed their way through the crowd of people who were gathered in front of the reception desk.

“What’s the matter?” the young woman asked politely from behind the counter.

“There’s something wrong with my son!’ James puffed, the receptionist’s eyes quickly swept over the tiny form in James’s arm before yelling at the top of voice about an emergency. Two healers came jogging out from one of the neighbouring rooms.

Lily stared at the scene in front of her. Her body felt numb. It felt surreal, as if she was just having a really bad nightmare and, any second now, she would wake up.

One of the healers took Harry out of James’s arms, while the other explained something to the near-to-hysteria James.

“Where are they taking him?” Lily croaked, not liking the fact that another woman was holding her son. But when no-one answered her, she felt her temper rapidly rising.

“WHERE THE hug ARE THEY TAKING MY BABY!!” she screamed, her voice bellowing around the room.

Most or all of the visitors looked her way and so did James, and for the first time since they became a couple ‘her’ James was ‘crying’- big wet tears were running smoothly down his cheeks.

“Please tell me he's going to be OK?” Lily sobbed.

Even James, the man who never cried was breaking down. Her last reassurance that everything was going to turn out all right was crying in front of her very eyes. He walked over to her, without saying a word of comfort, and they both wrapped their arms around each other and cried, their tears making wet patches on the front of the other one’s clothing.

“It’s just a nightmare,” Lily mumbled into James’s chest. Her teeth were clenched tightly together, as if that would help take away some of the fright and worry that was swimming around inside her.

James did not reply- he was trying to control his own tears and emotions.

The two of them sat huddled together in the waiting area. James absentmindedly rubbing Lily’s back. Lily was bent over, rocking backwards and forwards, her head in her hands and her face a ghostly white.

All of the people who walked in or out of the waiting room looked towards the couple.

Lily completely hated a heavily pregnant red haired woman who was happily bouncing a small identical red-haired boy on her two knees, while talking about ‘birdies’ and ‘meows’ to him.

Lily and James just sat there as people walked in and out and healers walked, with clip-boards in their hands, called out people’s names.

James was on the verge of just walking up and thumping the woman behind the reception desk, for keeping her overly polite attitude while his world was crashing around him.

They watched as a young healer walked out and stood just in front of the reception desk. She glanced down at her clip-board before looking back up.

“James and Lily Potter,” she announced to the room at large.

Lily sprang up from her seat so fast it looked like she had sat on a box of needles.

“Yes,” Lily said.

The healer glanced at Lily and then at James.

“Come with me,” she said, starting to walk away from them.

James took hold of Lily’s hand and they silently followed the healer through the many corridors, but to each of their confusion, she did not lead them to a patient’s room, with beds and flowers, but to a dimly-lit room with large puffy armchairs and one sofa.

“Please sit down,” the healer said as they stepped into the room and she clicked the door shut behind her.

Lily and James sat obediently down onto the sofa, James not letting go of Lily’s hand, which was now starting to feel numb.

Lily watched the girl’s every movement as she walked towards the chair and sat down, placing the clipboard on top of her knees.

No-one spoke.

“Harry was deliberately cursed by someone,” she said slowly, looking at the two parents. “I won’t go into detail of what happened but…,” she paused and took a deep breath. Lily and James were both on the edge of the chair, listening to her every word.

“We’re sorry… We tried everything…,” she took a deep breath...“Your son’s dead,”

Lily’s lungs felt like they were caving in on her, she felt dizzy as her head got unnaturally light.

“Your son’s dead,” was repeating over and over in her head.

She shook her head.

“No,” it came out as a tiny whisper. “I want to see my son!” she ordered, not believing one single word the healer had just told her, but when the healer made no move towards the door, she just sat there, the last piece of hope Lily had left was blown out like a candle in a storm, she broke down in tears. James wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

The healer nodded her head once before leaving the two of them alone in the room.

Lily could feel the shuddering breaths of her husband from beside her and it hit her, she would never see her Harry ever again.

Lily didn’t know that someone could feel so much pain from hearing those three words, if she could, she would rip her heart out from her chest, as to stop the physical ache flooding through her body, but she knew she would never be able to get rid of them.

They sat there hugging each other and crying their hearts out for what felt like years when a healer finally walked back into them.

“Do you want to see him?” she asked and the two of them both looked towards her.

Everything seemed strangely different as they followed the woman. Lily clung onto James’s arm as if her whole life depended on it.

“Here,” the healer said softly, stopping just outside one of the rooms.

Lily looked at James; tears still ran down his face, she took a deep breath before she stepped into the room, still holding onto James’s hand.

The four walls of the room were painted a plain cream colour. The room at first glance looked empty but then Lily’s eyes were drawn to the white curtains at the side of the room. She walked over them, everything around her feeling fake and too bright for her eyes. She pulled the hangings back, not wanting to see what was behind them, but she needed a little reassurance that it wasn’t just a terrible nightmare and that it was really happening…

Chapter 2: The Letter.
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Thanks to 'Redemption' at TDA!!

thanks to Realize for checking this chapter over for me. =)

.:Chapter 2:.

Every second that passed, rang through the large silent house from a clock in the kitchen.

The skinny frame of Mrs. Potter could be seen sitting in the living room near the front of the house, curled up on the sofa, with a steaming hot mug of coco being held in between her two hands.

She was a sad sight to see, her dark red hair was tossed and uncombed, her olive and once flawless skin was for the first time ever, dull and oily, her green eyes looked like lifeless shells, dead in their sockets, red veins streaking across their whites from crying, and lack of sleep.

If she was out on the cold streets of England, she could easily be mistaken for a homeless person. Lily wished she was homeless, she would do anything to get back the son she once had.

There was a small ‘crack’ from the hall. Lily did not move. She wouldn’t care if it was Voldemort and his Death Eaters she would happily go without a fight. She listened as the sound of footsteps tapped against the wooden floor and got louder as they came closer.

“Lily?” said a deep voice from the doorway.

Lily didn’t move a muscle, from the corner of her right eye she could see Sirius sit down beside her.

“James told me to come and check up on you,” he said softly, placing a comforting hand on her knee, a tear which Lily thought were all gone, trickled down her cheek.

“I want him back,” Lily said. Her voice was just barely audible.

“Lily. I can't even begin to imagine what you’re going through right now, but-”

“I was going to take the Drought last night,” Lily said, cutting across Sirius. She turned her head to look into the man’s eyes and he could not hide the shock which swept across his handsome face.

Silence fell between the two of them…

“What do you mean?” he asked, terror ripping through his voice.

“You know what I mean Sirius,” Lily snapped.

There was another pause of silence. Sirius started to shake his head from side-to-side.

“But why would you even think of doing that to James?” he asked.

“I wasn’t thinking of James, Sirius! … You don’t know how much pain I’m feeling right now… Anything that can get rid of it I am willing to do,” Lily said pulling the small blanket tighter around her.

After a minute of silence, Sirius looked into Lily’s eyes “Get freshened up and come for a walk,” he said standing up from the sofa stretching out his hand.

Lily, who had absolutely no energy to ague with him, took his outstretched hand…

Sirius and Lily linked arms as they walked around the neighborhood park, men and women stopped whatever they were doing and shot a glance at them. Even though it wasn’t cold out, Lily was wrapped up in an overcoat and a scarf. The scarf covered the bottom half of her face, hiding the tears which she was unable to stop from streaking down her cheeks.

“Here’s a lovely spot,” Sirius announced, as they came up beside the small pond, which marked the middle of the park and had ducks and swans swimming on its smooth surface.

They both sat down on one of the graffiti green benches.

“Lily,” Lily looked towards Sirius, as he took a shuddering breath, “I have to tell you something,” he said taking hold of her hand in the two of his.

“What?” Lily asked, her voice being muffled by the scarf.

Sirius took another deep breath before he began.

“Frank and Alice’s son, Neville… Was also killed…,” he said and he watched as Lily’s eyes widened in shock.

“How?” she asked pulling the scarf down off of her mouth.

“It happened around the same time as Harry. The door to Neville’s room was sealed shut. Frank and Alice tried to break it down, but they couldn’t,” and at this the fully grown man wiped away a falling tear “They could hear Neville scream then there was a man’s voice. When they finally got the door opened, whoever the intruder was, he was gone…,” he paused and Lily just stared at him, not knowing if she really wanted to know. Sirius edged in closer to Lily their faces inches away from one another “Neville was lying face down in his cot,” Sirius said, not even bothering to stop the stream of tears which Lily could now see in full detail rolling down his face. Lily put a shocked hand over her mouth.

“I didn’t know,” she whispered.

“No-one expected you to Lily. You’re trying to sort yourself out. Alice and Frank understand…,” he said, giving Lily’s knee a small tap. “Here,” and he reached into the inside of his coat and pulled out an envelope. “Alice wrote this for you,” he explained, handing Lily the letter, Lily took it. How much bad luck was she going to receive in one week?

That night Lily sat down at her large wooden desk, the house was dark with only one candle sitting at the corner of the desk for light.

Lily looked down at the envelope which contained the letter from Alice.

Lily Potter.

Lily flipped it over in her hands and broke the seal with her thumb. She pulled out the tear-stained piece of parchment.

To the best mate in the world, I am sorry to hear about Harry.

I’m sitting in a small room in the ministry at the moment. I can hear your husband shouting treats and curses at the minister. So I guess James never became mates with Fudge? He looks like he’s on the verge of killing someone. Well so does Frank.

You got it worse than me, you had some hope left, Harry was still alive, my Neville was dead, and I knew it was over the second I looked at his small emotionless face. I should of knocked down the door with a spell, or even try and bring him back to life, but my brain just died when I saw him so still and lifeless.

He was still wearing his Cudley Canons jersey. I can’t believe I won’t hear his sweet laughter as he messes around with Frank anymore. I feel like most of me died along with him- he was everything to me.

Lily you don’t know how much I just want to somehow get my hands on a time turner and just go back to when we were still at Hogwarts, when we didn’t have a care in the world. Neither of them deserved this, I wish I saw it coming...

I found this picture, you can keep it. It was taking two weeks ago when we were out for a walk..


Lily lifted up the moving picture which was included in the envelope…

Harry and Neville were standing in front of playground swings which were slightly swinging They were giving each other a bear-hug, big smiles plastered on their faces.

Lily gave a small laugh, before she dropped the picture and with her hands covering her face and cried her heart out.

A hand gently grabbed the top of Lily’s arm and slowly lifted her off the chair. Lily nuzzled her face into the familiar chest of her husband, and sobbed, her tired body shaking.

James said nothing, he just silently rubbed her back, and once in awhile he would land a kiss on her head or temple, non-verbally telling her he was still there and had no intentions of leaving

“We’ll get through it,” he whispered into her ear, while holding Lily’s small, petite body closer to him.

Chapter 3: The Funeral.
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Thanks to Redemption for the awesome pic!! Beta'd by MegElemental

.:Chapter 3:.

Lily fixed the button of her suit as she walked into the kitchen. As she stepped over the threshold, she looked over towards to find James staring quietly out of it at the dark gray sky, not noticing that his wife was right behind him. Lily looked down at the neat-cut black suit he was wearing along with newly polished black shoes.

Lily pulled out a chair, and when its feet rubbed against the floor, James snapped out of his long and quiet trance. He turned around to her, showing her a small depressed-looking smile.

Lily didn’t know what made her notice, probably the fact that everything seemed like a play but for the first time ever, the ‘Palace’ had a dead silence about it that was unknown to the usual buzzing and happy house.

Lily looked down at the folded up 'Morning Prophet’ in front of her on the table, she could just make out half of Neville’s face on the front page, the rest of the toddler was folded up underneath…

Alice and Lily clung onto each others arms, as the congregation followed the two small wooden white boxes through the black iron gates and into the graveyard, one of the boxes was being carried between James and Sirius, the other one was carried by Frank and Lupin.

James could be seen shaking his head slightly, while muttering something to himself tears streaming down his face.

Some of the men that turned up to the funeral, walked up beside him and offered to carry the coffin for him, but he would just reply with a simple ‘no’. Lily had a feeling that if James let go of the coffin and stopped carrying his son for the last trip, he would completely shatter into a million pieces- he did everything with Harry and he wasn’t going to stop until it was time to say the final goodbye.

Everyone was silent as they walked past tombstone after tombstone, their shoes making small splashing noises as they hit off the wet tarmac.

When the crowd arrived at the back of the graveyard, they walked up beside two small but deeply dug ditches. Lily sat down on one of the black chairs on the front row of seats, beside the graves and Alice sat down beside her, not letting go of her arm.

Lily watched as James and Sirius stood on either side of the coffin and slowly started to lower the coffin into the dark earth of one of the pits, both of them crying in unison, making their eyes red and puffy.

Lily stared at the tears that ran down her husband’s face, and her body started shaking as she tried her best to hold in the tears, but it was no use, her face and everywhere else was hurting too much from crying and she had no energy to fight, the tears ran smoothly down her cheeks.

After James stared at the coffin for a second, he sat down beside Lily and wrapped his muscular arm around her. Lily moved closer to him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

The priest began to say the mass but to Lily, it was just a mumble of sound as she sat in silence, staring down at the ditch and listening to her husband’s deep voice as he answered the prayers, and she thought to herself…

No mother should have to bury their child…

Lily shook hands with the number of people who were given their condolences, placing a forced smile on her face and responding to them with a ‘thank you’.

James was never far off from where Lily was in the restaurant and whenever she would sit down he was over in a second, asking if she wanted anything to drink. Lily, even though she sounded irritated when she answered him, was very grateful for this, as she didn’t want to feel like she was left out.

Sirius was in the toilets for most of the time, Lily only seeing him three times over the course of a couple of hours. Lupin had to go in once or twice to check up on him and the news that Sirius was repeatedly regurgitating down the smelly opening of a toilet spread around the crowd- and it wasn’t from food poison.


Lily looked up from her gazing of her hands, just to see the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge walk up to her, a brown bag in his hand.

“I’m really sorry,” he said sadly and he kissed Lily softly on each cheek. “Here, it’s just something small,” he said handing over the bag.

“Thanks,” Lily said weakly taking the bag out off the minister’s grip and placing it down on the ground beside her feet, not even bothering to look inside it to see what it was. Fudge gave her a sad smile, before turning around and walking off and disappearing into the crowd.

Lily sighed and watched as her husband walked her way, two glasses in his hands.

“Here,” he said, placing one of the tall glasses on the circular wooden table in front of Lily, and he sat down beside her.

Lily watched as Lupin walked out from where the toilets were, supporting a ghostly coloured Sirius, who was barely able to walk.

“He was never any good when it came to funerals,” James explained, and Lily gave him a small but sad smile. “I was surprised when he carried the coffin, I had a feeling he was going to faint,” he placed his rough, masculine hand on top Lily’s, making her look up into his eyes.

“I got you something,” he said. Lily turned to watch as he reached into the pocket of his suit and pulled out a red-velvet box. He handed it over to her. Lily gently took it of him and prized the box open.

Inside was a silver heart-shaped locket, with ‘HP’ decoratively engraved into its smooth face.

Lily lifted it out and clicked it open, inside was a small picture of her baby, and when the picture of Harry started giggling at something that could not be seen, the laughs echoed out softly. Tears filled up the bottom of Lily’s eyes and ran down her cheeks as the giggles reached her ears.

“Thanks honey. I love it,” she whispered, rubbing the tears away with her thumb.

Lily looked around at James to find tears running down his cheeks as he stared at her and he didn’t rub them away as he kissed her on the cheek…

After the pub, Lily was up in the bedroom, brushing her long red hair as she stared at herself in the mirror. When she got her hair knot-free, she placed the brush onto her dresser and climbed into bed.

James was currently downstairs fixing himself a ‘James Potter Sandwich’ which consisted of two sandwiches squashed together, with anything and everything James could find in the kitchen.

Lily pulled the blankets higher over her and tucked the end of it under her chin, she fumbled for a minute before pulling her hand out from underneath the blanket, the locket in the middle of her fist, she looked at it and something caught her eye, and she twisted it around to see a small sentence that she hadn’t notice before engraved into the back of the heart-

[i]Don’t cry mummy, I’m only gone for a little while-
[/i] Harry.

Lily rubbed away the tear, which fell from her eye. She placed the locket beside her ear, and gently opened it.

The laughter was the sweetest lullaby she had ever heard and it made her whole body feel relaxed as she fell asleep…

“Harry!” Lily said panic-stricken, she looked around her, and saw that she was back in the kitchen. James was standing in front of her, his face twisted in confusion as to why his wife had just said their son’s name.

Lily didn’t have to think as she pushed James aside and ran towards the front door. She pushed the door open and as expected she saw Harry standing in the middle of the garden his back turned to her. Lily could see a dark figure hovering just inside the large gate to the Palace.

“No!!” Lily bellowed, and without hesitation she jumped down the steps and sprinted forward, towards her son. She grabbed hold of him and twirled around, blocking him from the figure.

“Avada Kedavra!” was bellowed and the green light which followed, blinded Lily, as she covered her son, her body feeling like it was repeatedly getting sliced into pieces, she let an agonizing scream escape her lips.

She watched from the sidelines as she fell like a doll onto the stone-covered path. Harry screaming as he untangled himself form his mummy.

“Lily!” James’s voice reached her ears and Lily turned to see her husband run down the steps and fall to his knees beside her lifeless form, he picked her head up in his hands.

“Lily!! Lily, please no!” he begged, tears streaming down his face as he cuddled her head against his chest.

Lily watched, her heart up in her throat as Harry waddled over on his small legs and hugged his daddy’s arm…

Chapter 4: Guilt
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Lily woke up startled; her whole body was drenched with sweat making her skin stick to the bed sheets. A small golden beam of morning sunlight streamed into the bedroom through the small gap in the curtains, she turned her head to look beside her and saw two deep chocolate brown eyes staring curiously at her.

“You were mumbling to yourself,” James grumbled.

Lily gave him a weak smile, before turning her body to face him and placing her head back down onto the pillow.

“Nightmare?” he whispered, gently tracing his index finger around the outline of Lily’s cheekbone. Lily just nodded, thinking back over the dream.

She brushed away her hair from her face and looked back into her husbands eyes. “Why didn’t you wake me?” she asked.

“I only woke up a minute ago,” he mumbled.

Lily turned and lay silently on her back, taking deep breaths as to try and calm down her racing heart. That was when she noticed that the duvet seemed to be trying to suffocate her, it was squashing against her rib cage and wrapped tightly around her body, she frantically twisted and turned until she was free from its clutches and quickly stood up just beside the bed. The coolness of the room rubbed against her bare skin, but seconds later, Lily regretted standing up so quickly, as her head started to spin; she fell back down onto the bed.

Her body felt like a barrier, physically weighing her down. A lump formed in the back of her throat and she let out a small whine, as tears started to run down her cheeks, and she hated the mere fact that she could not stop them.


In a second, James was out from underneath the blankets and kneeling at her side.

“Please! I just want it to be over!” Lily pleaded.

James did not answer but brought her into a hug.

Lily cried into his naked, Quidditch-toned chest, letting the nightmare wash from her with the big salty tears that ran down her face and soaked her husband’s cool skin.

“I should have known,” Lily whispered, looking up at James’s face.

“Lily, don’t say that, you couldn’t have, there was nothing we could have done,’ James said soothingly.

Lily shook her head and sat up straighter, her legs crossed underneath her. “I was his mum; mums are supposed to know when their child is in danger… I didn’t,” she croaked. “I shouldn’t have left him outside by himself,” she said, a tear escaping her beautiful green eye.

James sighed and gently placed a loose strand of her auburn colored hair behind her ear before he answered “It was me who left Harry by himself… It’s my fault… I wish I didn’t… but I did,” James said, for the first time admitting to the one reason he was ready to jump off a cliff and end his life or last night was about to drown himself in the bath-tub, if he had not let his hormones get the best of him and just staid outside watching his son run around- Harry would still be alive and they would still be a big happy family

James broke down, not able to hide the pain any longer and knowing with all his heart- that he was the one and only reason that his son was dead. He put his face in his hands and let out a mournful scream.

“James! Honey… it wasn’t your fault,” Lily said sobbing, as she pulled her husband closer to her.

They cried their hearts out; they cried for the guilt they both had swimming like poison inside of them…

“Morning,” Sirius said as he strolled into the kitchen, his shirt half buttoned so his bony and pail torso could be seen.

“Morning,” Lily and James replied in unison, both were still wrapped up in their housecoats.

James was currently feeding the pets, which consisted of a small black and white kitten named Oscar and a tanned and white Barn Owl named Ruby. Lily sat at the table, drinking the mug of ‘soothing’ tea which James had made for the two of them.

“Hey,” Lupin said as he walked in after Sirius.

Lily looked up from her gazing of the front page of the ‘Daily Prophet‘, Lupin’s face was a pale white and black dark bags lined his bloodshot eyes.

“Full moon?” James asked, turning around and leaning against the counter. Lupin nodded before falling onto one of the kitchen chairs.

“I had no potion left,” he said, rubbing his hand over his gaunt-looking face.

“I’ll brew you up some this afternoon,” Lily said, wanting to be able to do something useful than waste away her time.

“No its OK Lily, the next full moon is not until next month. There’s no hurry,” Lupin said with a small smile. Sirius turned around from the window.

“I was the one who ran around after him,” Sirius declared, standing beside James.

“Why didn’t you call me?” James asked turning to face him. Sirius looked at him for a second.

“Well-well,” he stuttered “I thought you had enough on your plate as it was,” he rambled, the two men stared at each other, Lily watched as James clenched his fists into balls.

“So what? My son dies and you think I’m incapable of chasing a werewolf, which I have been chasing for the last ten years!” James declared. Sirius looked guilty.

“Sorry. I just thought you needed some peace and quiet,” Sirius answered. James closed his eyes and the muscle in his jaw popped out as he tried to calm himself down.

“I’m gone to chase a snitch,” James snapped, still noticeably annoyed and not being able to stand being in the kitchen any longer, his clothes changing into a pair of faded jeans and a blue t-shirt, he pecked a kiss on Lily’s forehead before heading out of the back door, closely followed by Sirius and Lupin.

Something on the counter, just where James was standing caught Lily’s eye, she stood up from the chair and walked over to it.

Two envelopes sat on the counter's smooth surface, one was addressed to Lily, and the other one was to James. James’s one had already been ripped open. Lily picked up the one addressed to her and tore the seal…

“Lily?” James’s asked from the door to the living room. Lily looked up to see James leaning against the door frame his clothes covered in mud and green grass-stains.
“What are you saying?” Lily asked picking up the letter and envelope from the coffee table. James shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know. OK, it’s a brilliant offer but it’s just-its just crap timing,” he said sitting down beside Lily.

“Yea,” Lily said. James brought her into a one-arm hug.

“Honey, say whatever you want,” he whispered.

“But that’s the problem, what will I say?” Lily asked breaking away from the hug and settling her fifth cup of tea onto the coffee table.

“I’m going to think about it in the shower, and reply later,” James said, with a sweet and hearth-fluttering smile.

Lily smiled back at him and watched as he walked out of the room, before looking back down at the envelop.

What was her answer going to be...?

Chapter 5: The Realization
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Lily sat at the kitchen table, twisting a piece of thorn and damp tissue in her hand, she was concentrating on her rapid breathing, trying to make herself relax and for once not go for the bottle of gin, which now mocked her from its place on the kitchen shelf.

Lily sighed and bit her lower lip. Did she just do the right thing?

A letter sat opened on the table in front of the woman, written neatly across the paper was her best-friend, Alice’s words of persuasion, but no matter how much the poor woman wrote or how pleading she sounded, they did not work. Lily had her heart and mind set on this one opportunity of getting back to reality before she cracked up, so Lily did not listen to the Marauders or anyone else for that matter.

They all had a go in persuading both James and Lily not to take up the positions and both Sirius and Remus ended up having a fight with Albus in his office, who Sirius remarked just barely twenty minutes ago ‘had lost all his bloody marbles’ before storming out of the house…

Lily brushed her hand through her hair just as a ‘pop’ sounded from the hallway. Lily waited patiently, the noise of shoes could be heard hitting off the wooden floors and then James walked into the kitchen seconds later, his wand raised over his shoulder pointing at the bundle of boxes and bags levitating in mid-air behind him.

“Did you get everything?” Lily asked, as she watched the parcels land in a neat pile on the table.

“Yea, I think so,” James said flopping down with relief onto one of the chairs. Silence fell between the couple as Lily stood up and started pulling books and pieces of paper from one of the brown bags.

“I think-,” Lily stopped in mid-sentence, the sound of whining came into them from the hallway, closely followed by the noise of nails hitting the floor and the already slightly ajar kitchen door was pushed open, a large black shaggy dog came into view, its tail tucked between its hind-legs and its head bent between towards the ground.

Lily would had said ‘awe’ and fallen in love with the poor creature, if she didn’t already know who it really was.

“Piss off Padfoot!” James’s voice snapped from beside Lily, the second James had laid eyes on the dog; he jumped off the chair and without another glance towards the dog, he stormed over to the fridge.

The feature of the pathetic dog started to transform, the black hairs sinking rapidly back into its skin, its long snout residing back into its face… within seconds the handsome, slim figure of Sirius Black stood upright and proud, wearing an expensive looking suit.

“Oh Come on! This is ridiculous! Albus shouldn’t have asked the two of you! There are hundreds of more people in the world who can take the job!” Sirius barked.

“Lily,” Sirius said pleadingly, Lily looked at the man, trying her best to look rather bored and uninterested in his accusations. “Please, rethink it through,” he said softly.

Lily dropped the bag of owl pellets she was holding making them clatter onto the table.

“Sirius! I took what everyone said into consideration but I’m doing this for me,” she said, Sirius’s expression saddened and he heaved a sigh.

“I give up,” the man said, sounding defeated. He pulled out a chair and slumped down onto it..

Lily and James glanced at each other. They both knew what the other one was thinking… Sirius was not the type of man to ‘give up’ on anything.

“Here Prongs,”

Sirius’s voice was just barely more of a whisper, he lifted out a small brown pouch of galleons from an inside pocket “The Canons won,” he said throwing the bag over to James, who’s reflexes had not abandoned him in over a month of not playing Quidditch. The bag made a loud ‘clank’ as James caught it.

“Sirius, I don’t need it,” James moaned, walking over and placing the bag in front of his best mate “and anyway I think you need it more than us,” James said, Sirius looked up at him and they both smiled.

“Yea OK,” Sirius mumbled pocketing the bag. Lily’s head snapped around at the two of them just noticing what James had said.

“What do you mean?! I thought you were OK?!” Lily screeched in outrage.

Sirius looked up at her, and he had no need to say a word… his blue eyes told Lily everything…

“Sirius!” Lily screamed, and she watched as a tear streaked down the man’s cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius mumbled and his whole body seemed to collapse, he placed his head on the table and started to cry. At the sight of the beaten man, Lily’s heart snapped in half, she stood up and moved around the table to sit down beside, she rubbed his back soothingly while making soft ‘shushing’ noises.

“It’s going to be OK Sirius,” she said looking around at James who was ruffling up his hair, an indication that he was completely lost for words.

Then as if Lily had just woken up from a long coma, it dawned on her- it was not just the two of them who were going through a living hell…

Chapter 6: Undelivered Letter
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.:Chapter 6:.

Lily closely studied her reflection in the mirror and gave herself a sad smile. She was going to do this and she wasn’t going to back down. She brushed her hand through her hair just as the floorboards behind her creaked and she turned around to see James walking out of the bathroom, a toothbrush protruding out from his mouth.

“You ready?” he asked as Lily came up to him and started to fix the collar of his suit, Lily just nodded in response.

James grabbed hold of her wrist, stopping her in her tracks of fixing his overcoat.

“Petal, no-one is forcing you to do this,” he said, giving Lily a sympathetic glare which she could not look directly into.

“I want to,” she said determent, now moving onto fixing James’s cuffs. Without another word to one another James landed a kiss on her forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered into her ear and for the first time Lily felt numb, the warm fluffy feeling she use to get when James touched her wasn’t there, and she didn’t like the way she felt now…

The train belched out big puffs of smoke over the heads of the many students and adults who were saying their goodbyes or exchanging warm hugs, and as Lily and James came through the red-brick stone wall onto the platform, most of the people turned around to look at them.

James had his hand on the bottom of Lily’s back, persuading her to keep walking as he had already foreseen her breaking down in tears in the middle of the crowd when she saw all the happy and care-free children and parents. But to his amazement Lily only let out a little sigh and she didn’t stop walking until the two of them were safely on the train and in their own little compartment.

James sat down straight across from Lily just as the whistle sounded and the last few stragglers hurried onto the train, quickly kissing their parents goodbye.

James could feel his eyes starting to burn, he bit down hard on the inside of his cheek and his teeth tore into the soft flesh of his gum, making the metallic taste of blood slip down his throat.

For the beginning of the journey Lily had her head buried into the ‘The Daily Prophet’, just looking up from the newspaper to shoot James a little twitch of a smile, as to reassure him she was OK. While James on the other hand had his head resting against the cool glass of the window, doing the one thing that he loved, even more than playing Quidditch- staring and admiring his beautiful wife…

Lily pulled her coat off of her, as she and James walked down the empty halls, their shoes echoing loudly around them. They walked up the stone steps, which led to the Great Hall, just to find Albus and Minerva waiting side-by-side for them just outside the large wooden doors.

“Albus,” James croaked his voice thick with sleep from his long doze on the train journey.

“James! Lily!” greeted Albus, stretching out his long and bony hand to them. James shook it with a smile. The ‘mature’ wrinkles around is eyes etching into his skin. Lily brushed her hair away from her face and kissed Minerva lightly on both of her cheeks.

“I’m glad you chose to take up the positions as Potion and Defense Against the Dark Arts professors. I couldn’t get anyone else and I’m so very sorry about the timing,” Albus said, with a small bow of his head.

Lily did not reply to him, she was afraid if she did open her mouth she would curse him down to the ground for being so completely arrogant about their situation but then at the same time she wanted to praise him for giving her the job, for giving her a reason to get out of the house, and to keep on living.

When they had shook hands with all of the professors of Hogwarts. Lily took up her seat at the empty staff table, and as she sat there in the silence, she stared around at the Great Hall, nearly eight years had past since her last time of being in the hall and it seemed to not have changed one single bit. But that was Hogwarts- no matter how far you traveled or how long you went for, it would always feel like home when you came back to it- the one place where you belonged. Lily turned her attention up to the ceiling which now resembled the night-time sky outside and she could feel a smile cross her face.

A smile- the one thing she thought she would live life without.

Later that night Lily sat in her and James’s bedroom, sitting in the glare of the dancing candle light.

She picked up a large quill and placed it inches above the parchment, she looked over at James who was sitting up in the double bed.

Dear Sirius

She paused, not knowing which way to rephrase what she wanted to say. Then she placed the quill back down onto the parchment and let her hand flow.

I hope everything is well. Hogwarts has not changed one single bit since my last visit. Have the Blacks left you alone?? They are idiots I swear I would kill the whole lot of them if I could.
If they haven’t left you alone and if you want to, you know where the key to our Gringott’s vault is for the rest of the money and if the Goblins don’t let you into it, just write to us and James will go and get the money out for you.
If you need to talk just come over here and take a break, get away from things. I’m sure you will want to.
Sirius, I wanted to say thank you for being there for both of us. It really means a lot to us and I’m sorry I have to write it down instead of tell you face-to-face
I hope to hear from you soon.

Love, Lily.

Lily placed the quill into the ink bottle and folded the parchment neatly into a small square before placing it into an envelope and giving it over to one of the two owls who were sitting just on the inside of the opened window. The owl gave a quick toot before spreading its wings and soaring into the night.
Lily walked back over to the desk and took out another piece of parchment from her draw, she picked up her quill.

Dear Remus

Will you please keep an eye on Sirius for me, he wasn’t looking well when I saw him last… please I don’t want things to built up on him and him doing something stupid that he might not be able to regret later. You know what he’s like when he gets drunk.
I made up a couple of more potions for you, they are in the kitchen in the fridge, you know the way you like them cold.
I hope you are well.

Love, Lily.

Lily sigh, folded up the parchment and handed it over to the second owl, who took off into the night just like the first owl.

“Are you coming to bed?” Lily turned to see James taking off his glasses and settling his head down onto his pillow, ready to go to sleep.

“Yea,” Lily said, checking the silver watch on her wrist, it read five past two.

Lily got changed into a nightdress before climbing into bed beside James, but her mind was on overdrive with worry and dread, as she stared out of the window at a speck of an owl soared into the distance on a night-time hunt.

The next morning the two of them woke up at seven o'clock to see the owl which Lily had sent to Sirius standing on the table and quietly eating the pellets out of the silver flat dish.

Lily jumped out of bed, waking James in the process and made her way over to the owl, she looked down at the envelope which was tied around its scaly leg.

Sirius Black
Grimmauld Place

Lily’s heart jumped up into her throat.

“James!” she screamed, terror plummeting through her whole body…

Chapter 7: Getting Harder.
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Lily, James and Remus sat on three small steel chairs on one side of the table, while the two grimed-faced aurors stood up-right and annoyingly proud on the other side.

“Let’s get this straight,” said the blond haired woman who had announced that her name was ‘Thompson’ as she walked through the door just barely over a half an hour ago.

“You,” she said pointing her skinny index finger at Remus, who nodded his head slightly in acknowledgment. “Went to Mister Black’s house just over two hours ago,” she paused, and Lily watched as she took a sip from her water bottle, as if the situation she was in wasn’t a matter of life or death.  “To find blood splattered over the kitchen table and floor,”

Lily turned her focus onto Remus who yet again nodded his head, since finding the blood, his complexion still hadn’t gone back to its original color and was still a pale sickly white.

“and Mister Potter you said that he came to you a couple of days ago in a bad state over the financial trouble he was having with his family,” she said, her blue eyes skimming over to James.

James moved his position on his chair and leaned forward.

“Yes, but he’s never really been on speaking-terms with his family and we all just thought it would blow over, but then he also took the blow of Harry dying pretty hard so me and Lily asked for Remus to just keep an eye on him,” James said, and Lily watched as the vein in his temple popped out from either the pressure of his best mate missing or the emotional strain it was having on him- Lily did not know. She placed her hand comfortably on top of his which made him turn towards her. He gave her a grimace of a smile.

The broad-shouldered auror, who said his name, was Mahony, stepped out from the shadows of the wall. The expression on his face was unreadable.

“So,” he grunted, he stroked his stubble of a beard as he thought for a second “This, Mister Sirius Black could of either smacked his head, cut his finger while making dinner or did something else for the blood to get into the kitchen, and with his alcoholism problem this could easily be the case, and he would turn up in a couple of hours time and fall into his bed unnoticed. But then we also have the family problem, which would end up being far more serious and deadly. With what I have gathered his family do not seem like the type of people you would want to cross paths with and because of this, I would think it would be wise to start an immediate search party for Mister Black. But I need one thing,”

James, Lily and Remus all stared at the man.

“I need an up-to-date photo of Mister Black, so we know who we are trying to look for and of course to post it around the wizarding community,”

James turned towards Lily and Remus a look of shock on his face. The silence fell like a heavy blanket over the people in the room- He had no up-to-date photos of his best mate.

“The last one that was taking of him was at my son’s first birthday party,” he whispered, loosing fate at ever finding his mate ever again.

“I think I may have one,” Lily said “it’s in my dresser,” she added, standing up from the chair. “I’ll be back in a minute,” and not waiting for an answer, she moved around the table and walked out of the room.

Once outside she let out a long breath of relief, she hadn’t noticed it- but the atmosphere of the room inside was suffocating.

She walked around the corner and smiled at the Hufflepuff prefect as Lily walked past her, no doubtingly on her nightly rounds of the school.

Lily picked up the pace of her walk and was in a half-trot, half-run as she climbed up the moving staircases, hoisting the end of her cloak in her two hands so she would not trip over it and end up flat on her face.

“Good afternoon,” she puffed as she passed ‘The Fat Friar’ who was drifting inches above the ground and staring silently out of the window, down onto the grounds below.

As she came up to the room she was staying in, Lily pulled out the old and rusted key from her pocket and popped it into the key hole, the door swung open with a creak. Without closing the door behind her, Lily ran across the oval-shaped room, which contained a sitting area with sofas, armchairs and a chess board, a large marble fireplace, which was currently alight with big orange flames dancing in its mouth, but Lily didn’t pay any attention to her surroundings. Her mind was set on getting this one picture.

As she came up to the door to her and James’s sleeping area she saw that it was already slightly ajar, she pushed against it. The king-sized bed was the first thing that came into focus as Lily ran around it and slammed into the flower-decorated wooden dressing table, she pulled one of the drawers open and with her lungs stabbing painfully for air she started pulling out pieces of jewelry and paper, not caring what they cost or what was on them.

When the drawer was nearly emptied out, she saw the picture she was searching for… she grabbed it, tucked it into her pocket and without cleaning up the mess she had just made she ran out of the room and back to where the aurors and the three marauders where waiting.

“I got it,” she announced, coming back into the room and retrieving the small square photo from her pocket. She placed it down onto the table, where it could be seen by all occupancies of the room.

James and Remus leaned forward to get a better look at it. Lily sat back down on her chair in the middle of the two men.

“It was accidentally taken a while ago. Will it do?” she asked, trying to slow down her racing heart.

“I guess it will,” Thompson said, Lily looked down at the photo.

It was a moving black and white photo of Sirius and Snape sitting on either side of a sofa, Sirius’s face was twisted in annoyance and his lips moved slightly as he mumbled something to himself, which would most likely be curses.

“We could fix it up with some spells and make him look less menacing, probably get a smile on his face,” Thompson said, picking up the photo in her hand and twisting it from side-to-side to get a better view.

“I will send it to the editors of the ‘Daily Prophet’ and see can they work their magic on it then I’ll give my judgment on it before we start printing it off. OK?” she said, with a reassuring smile. The three of them nodded in unison…

It was the end of Lily’s first proper day of being the Potion Professor, and she thoroughly enjoyed it, except for the one or two accidents which ended up with the child fainting from fumes or bleeding from a small chip in their cauldron.

She was now correcting work she had given the fourth years during their double period in the middle of the day. She smiled as she read a note scribbled at the side of an unanswered question ‘sorry miss. I couldn’t find it in the book- we’re we allowed to use the book?’

Lily scribbled an ‘A’ on top of the test, just before there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” she announced, looking up.

A small timid-looking first year walked in, clutching in her hand what looked like a large brown envelope.

“Mister Potter gave me this to give to you,” she said as she stepped up to the desk. Lily’s heart sank, but she smiled at the girl.

“Thank you Jessica,” she said, forcing a friendly smile on her face, the little eleven-year-old smiled back and when Lily had taken the envelope out of her hand she turned around and trotted out of the room.

Lily looked down at the envelope.
Miss / Mister Potter
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Stamped on the top in black ink was the official ‘M’ symbol that stood for the ministry of Magic.

Lily turned it over and found that the seal looked like it had already been opened but had magically been sealed again. She pulled out her wand and swiped it across the seal, making a neat cut across it, the flap popped up.

She pulled out the piece of paper.

MissingSirius Black
Last seen on 25th of August.
Stands at 6”1.Black hair and gray eyes. Slender built.
Please contact the auror department with any details you may have no matter how insignificant they may seem.
Please do not approach as he may be disorderly and armed. Animagus form is that of a shaggy black dog.

Under these was the same picture of Sirius Lily had given the two Aurors yesterday, but small changes had been made to it, because in the one she was now looking down upon, Sirius was smiling and had a mischievous glint in his eye. Severus Snape was also no-where to be seen in this picture.

Just barely an hour and a half after James and Lily had agreed that the photo was suitable. Sirius’s face was plastered onto the front page of the Prophet while shop owners and bar-tenders stuck up the flier on their shop windows. Aurors had been giving the go-ahead to dispatch a large amount of their colleges in different sections of England, both wizardry and muggle, to start their massive search which would slowly drag into Ireland.

Lily was confused at first as to why the ministry had taking such huge actions about Sirius Black being missing, not like she wasn’t grateful or anything, but now as she thought about it, The Dark Lord could easily be involved in this fiasco along with his pathetic Death Eaters.

Lily tiredly rubbed the back of her neck. Just before the sound of a snuffle came from behind her and she turned to see her husband sitting down on the ground, with his hands wrapped around his legs and his head tucked down into his chest. He was shaking himself backwards and forwards by the small twitches of his naked toes.

“James?” Lily asked standing up from the bed. The room fell silent, then a whimper came and Lily walked around the bed.

“It’s my entire fault,” James mumbled into his chest, still rocking backwards and forwards.

“No its not,” Lily said, sitting down on her knees in front of the man, thinking he was just being ‘James’ and blaming everything on himself.

Lily watched as his head slowly rose up, and as green met brown, she saw the tears lining the bottom of his swollen red eyes and his skin shiny with water.

“I’m sorry,” he hiccuped, rubbing his hand over his face, trying to stop the tears from falling. “I’m suppose to be a man but look at me,” he moaned and he turned to Lily who did not respond. She took hold of one of his hands and landed a soft kiss on the back.

“James. You’re only human,” she said with a smile. “I don’t care if you curl up and sleep with your favorite teddy at night time. I still love you… your still going to be my handsome hunk that has been through more than what most people go through in their life-time,” and with this Lily kissed him on the lips.

When she pulled away Lily smiled. “Now… Is my handsome hunk going to come to bed with me and try to get a proper night sleep?”

At this statement James let out a small chuckle and nodded his head.

Chapter 8: Finding Out
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Lily laid in the darkness of the room, stroking her hand through James’s messy jet-black hair, while tears rolled down her cheeks and the cold locket lay against her breastbone.

Watching James cry just broke her already smashed up heart. Lily knew it would come, when he couldn’t keep up with his big-headiness anymore and would just crumble. She knew he was crying for everything that ever happened to him, his parents dying, guilt of leaving ‘his little shadow’ out in the garden, and now feeling like he completely failed his ‘brother’ when he chose going to Hogwarts over keeping an eye on Sirius.

Lily felt lost, James was the one she ran to when she needed comfort, he was her protector the one who would kill any evil who tried to hurt her, but now her mighty protector was curled up like an innocent and terrified child against her, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, as though if he didn’t hold her tightly he would loose her to.

But even with James looking like he would never let go of her, Lily felt afraid and cold.

Before Harry died they were getting dirty and hormonal every time they had enough energy but now as Lily thought about the last time James had come close of taking ‘mister’ out of his trousers which was over two weeks ago, and that time James was a bit tipsy with a fair amount of alcohol in his system.

Lily’s heart constricted painfully as this thought crossed her mind and she bit down hard on her bottom lip, so as to stop herself from crying. She silently untangled James’s arms from around her waist and pushed him softly over to his side of the bed before rolling over so her back was turned against him and she watched the shadows from the outside world dance on the wall.

She was lying in bed, with a man she hardly knew anymore…

Lily’s footsteps made the floorboards creek eerily underneath her as she walked around the room and around the snoring James. She quickly tied up her hair, not even bothering to brush it and placed the letter on the bedside cabinet and with one final glance at James, she left the room… not knowing where she was heading…

The beads of morning sunlight shined through the pale glass of the high window and as it slowly awoke James, the man grunted in agitation before rolling over and facing the place where Lily should have been…

James’s breath caught for a second in his throat, as his brain registered what the bloody hell he was seeing.

“Lily?” he asked to the room at large, trying to listen for the sound of water pouring out of the hose from the bathroom as Lily stepped into her morning shower. But everything was silent.

“Honey?” James asked throwing the heavy blanket off of him and running into the bathroom, it was empty. He spurn around in a circle, as if he would find his wife hiding in one of the corners or sitting on the bundle of towels, but she wasn’t.

“Lily!” he screamed running back into the bedroom. He ran across the room and out into the sitting room, but that was also empty and there was nothing to tell him that his wife had recently been there.

He rubbed his hand through his hair.

“She’s probably only gone for a walk,” he whispered to himself, walking back into the bedroom and sitting down onto the side of the bed. He slowly lifted his head to think of where she could be, but his eyes landed on the square shape of an envelope sitting against the bedside lamp.

James’ was scribbled messily across it in Lily’s curly handwriting.

James stood up, the letter giving the room a horrible and dead atmosphere, he walked towards the envelope and took it up in his two hands, as if it was the most precious thing in the world and he carefully opened.

I’m sorry.

That was it, and no matter how fast James read the two words or how many times he read them, his mind staid blank. His heart felt like the only moving thing in the whole world at that very moment. How could two small immaculate words have such a devastating effect on a fully grown man?

James grabbed hold of the edge of the bedside table, steadying himself as he felt the floor tilt underneath him.

“Lily?” he whispered to himself, a tear running down his cheek. He scanned the room, grabbing the first piece of clothing he could see- a blue tee shirt which hung over the back of a wooden chair and a pair of faded jeans.

He tucked his wand into the waistband of the jeans as he ran out of the room and down the corridor. He had to find Lily….

A couple of times James tripped over his feet as he ran full speed down the hill, the wind whistling loudly in his ear drums and lifting up his shirt to reveal his toned stomach.

He skidded to a stop just as he got outside the boar-flanked steel gates and quickly looked both left and right, as if he was going to see Lily smiling cheekily at him, but she wasn’t and with his hearth beating loudly in his chest he twirled around on the spot and vanished into thin air…

The next time James opened his eyes, he was standing just outside a small coffee shop, the smell of caffeine drifting swiftly out to him. James looked around before he made his way through the crowd, he half-ran, half-trotted through the people, once or twice bumping accidentally into someone, receiving a mouthful of curses from the person as they dropped the items they had in their hands and a number of glances from onlookers.

“Sorry,” James mumbled, dodging a woman whose potion vial had just shattered into pieces on the ground.

“Look what the bloo-,” but the rest of her sentence was gone, as James turned his attention onto the building in front of him, which he realized was the ‘Lion and Lamb’ pub, he walked up to the murky and dirty windows and tried to peep through the glass to see if he could see a shade of red hair, but he watched as the figures inside moved about, but no red hair could be seen.

He sighed, while brushing off the cobwebs from his hands. He continued on his quest, owls screeching loudly as they flew over the heads of the people.

James turned a corner to come face-to-face with the dark and dingy looking pub he knew it was pointless looking through the windows, which he had figured out had not been cleaned for at least twelve years as he never ever saw them sparkling clean since he started going to school at Hogwarts.

The bell jingled as he pushed the door open making some of the people in the pub turn to look at the new visitor.

James looked around, trying to see if he knew at least one person in the pub, but he didn’t and mostly everyone had a hood or a cloak covering their faces from view.

“Mister Potter,” the graying bartender said in surprise from his standing position behind the counter, a dirty cloth in his hand as he tried to clean off the black grim on a beer-jug.

“Would you like a drink?” he asked, showing his nearly toothless gums as he smiled.

“I-I,” James stuttered.

“Come on it’s on the house,” the bartender said, landing a brown beer bottle on the dusty counter top. James stared at it for a second and took a step forward, but then panicked as he noticed what he was doing.

“Sorry. I can’t,” and without waiting for a reply he ran out of the pub. He walked down the main street and into a small lane-way which was a short cut out of the village. His vision completely failing him as he tried to adjust his eyes to the darkness of the lane, but second later he wished his vision didn’t come back into focus…

Severus Snape and Lily were walking away from him hurdled against one another, this making James’s blood run cold. But what came next he could never prepare himself for….

James watched the back of Lily’s head as she said something into Severus’s small and idiotic looking ear, and from what James could see, the man smiled slightly, while Lily on the other hand had not the slightest expression on her face. Then to James’s horror, Snape, who was at least two feet taller than Lily, slowly bent his head and kissed her, but not an everyday friendly kiss on the cheek, it was a romantic smooch on the lips.

That was it, James could feel himself snap. Without even thinking of what he was doing, James whipped out his wand from his waistband.


Both Lily and Snape barely had time to register what was happening, as Severus was hit in the back with the spell, sending him flying into the air towards the stone brick wall and a loud ‘crack’ sounded as his head hit off the solid stone.

“James!!” Lily screamed, either in terror or surprise- James didn’t know and really didn’t care.

“What the hell!” James bellowed. Lily glanced down at the unconscious form of Snape and then back up at James.

“James,” she pleaded as James walked towards her.

“I didn’t know he was going to do that,” Lily said, tears now filling the bottom of her eyes.

“But you didn’t stop him when he did,” James whispered. Lily opened her mouth to answer but she was lost for words- for the first time in her life, Lily had no smart come-back for James.

James twisted the silver ring off his finger, and walked up closer to Lily, so they were now nearly nose-to-nose. He watched for a second as a tear ran down her cheek, he grabbed hold of her hand and placed the ring roughly into her palm, before he forced her fingers close. She shook her head from side-to-side.

“James,” she whispered pleadingly.

“Do I have to say anything else?” he asked in a whisper. His voice surprisingly staying steady and calm even tough all he wanted to do was to kick the living day-lights out of the man who was now in a heap against the wall, or the alternative which was to curl up into another ball and cry.

He walked around the silent Lily, out of the lane-way and up the cobble-stoned street, silently crying to him self.

This wasn’t life- this was a nightmare.

Chapter 9: Pubs and Cliffs
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James threw his bag onto the king-size bed and in his hatred and anger didn’t bother to take out his wand as he roughly threw all of his belongings into the bag.

He yanked the press open, making it fly out completely and land with a thump onto the floor. He grabbed all of his underwear in his hands and roughly stuffed them into the bag. He looked around the room once more before flinging the bag over his shoulder and stormed over towards the door and just as he touched the cool metal of the doorknob, just about to pull it open, something caught the corner of his eyes and he turned his head to get a better look.

Sitting, underneath Lily’s dresser, with its soft woolly head sticking out from behind a bundle of thorn and stained books, was a pure white fluffy teddy. James dropped the bag to the ground and forgetting about everything else he walked over to teddy, he lifted it out, noticing the pieces of hair that were slipping out from old age.

James smiled at the memory the teddy brought back to him…

It was the teddy Sirius gave Harry for his first birthday, and the same one who Harry never ever let go off and could always be seen being dragged along the floor behind the toddler.

James rubbed his hand through his hair, how much his life had changed since those carefree days. ..

The large black iron gates creaked on their rusty hinges as James pushed against them, the heavy iron lock slipping from its place and clattering the ground.

Marble statues of Angels, crosses and other animals dotted the horizon of the small graveyard. James glanced at a couple of the headstones as he walked past, taking in the date of birth and also the date of death, and he realized that all of them were at least over sixty years old when they died.

As James came up beside the old oak tree he flicked his wand in a little semi-circle and a small, black deckchair appeared in front of a grave, where small ornaments, flowers and pictures could be seen scattered over the mound of dirt.

James sat down on the chair and while pulling his jacket tighter against the freezing wind he took in the smooth, gold decorative engraving on the stone in front of him.

Harry James Potter
Born July 31st 1980
Died August 2nd 1981
Mummy’s Angel

As James read the last line at the foot of the stone, a tear ran down his cheek. ‘Angel’ was the pet-name Lily had given Harry and it had caused a few little tantrums when Sirius teased his godson, saying ‘no your my angel’ or ‘you’re a evil devil’- little sentences like these would cause Harry to go into a screaming tantrum… he was his mummy’s angel, nobody else and Lily was always the one who had to come in and settle the bawling child down, reassuring him that he would always be mummy’s angel, no matter what.

James put his head in the hands and quietly looked down at his feet.

“I’m sorry Harry,” he whispered to the wind, “I’m sorry for leaving you alone,” he glanced up at the tree and then back at the grave. “Your mother deserved better. I put her through this, I-,” he bit his lower lip. “I need to hug you,” and with this sentence just barely out of his mouth, he stood up to his full height again, the chair vanishing from underneath him.

He sighed, pulled out the white teddy bear from its place inside his jacket and he looked at it, taking in every single detail, a smile crept across his face and with the soft toy still in his clutches, he walked over to the grave, his shoes echoing loudly in the silence. James softly patted the top of the marble headstone with his hand. He sighed and in one swift movement he turned away from the grave and started walking down the path… cuddling the teddy to his chest.

James kept on walking, letting his feet take him to wherever they wanted; he had left the graveyard and was now walking down a small mud-track. The stars were already starting to twinkle down at him from the dark night-sky. His breaths came out in small puffs of cloud as he slowly made his way up the vertical side of a tiny hill and when he finally reached the top point of the hill, he could see that on the other side was a small, crowded village, chimneys of cottages and houses letting off smoke as the residence warmed up next to a warm and cozy fire and the thought of the warmth from sitting next to open flames, made James notice for the first time that his hands and toes were starting to feel numb from coldness. He vigorously rubbed his hands together and stamped his feet against the ground. That was it, he had to get inside before he died for pneumonia… he began his descent down towards the village…

As James pushed the wooden door open, the bell above him jingled merrily. Inside was dark and small, clouds of cigar smoke hovered over the small tables, a welcoming fire crackled merrily in the corner and nearly most of the people in the small building were haggard-looking men who sat in different parts of the ancient-looking pub, some of the men were whispering to them selves.

James walked up to the counter and slid onto one of the tall stools, the white teddy comfortably sitting on his lap.

“What can I get you?” asked the brunette as she walked up to him.

“Firewhiskey,” James grunted.

“Who’s the toy for?” she asked as she poured the red liquid into a tall glass.

“No-one,” James mumbled as he handed over one of the gold galleons he had in his pocket.

“So you just always carry a teddy around with you,” the barmaid said, leaning her elbow on the counter and resting her chin in her hand, looking at James as if he was the most wonderful thing she had ever seen.

James looked at her for a second, before he blew at the blue flames which danced at the brim of the alcohol and drank the large glass in one.

“Somebody knows how to drink,” the barmaid exclaimed in astonishment.

James indicated with his finger for the woman to come closer and she did, and when his cheek was brushing against hers, he whispered softly into her ear “The teddy belongs to my dead son,” and he pulled away from the woman. Her hazel colored eyes stared at him for a minute, before she turned around and fixed up another Firewhisky.

“It’s on the house,” she said, sliding the glass across the counter. James shot her a pleased smile, before yet again blowing away the flames and drinking it back in one.

“You should take it easy, I’m sure your wife is waiting at home for you,” she said, and James paused and stared at the woman.

“How do you know I’m married?” he asked.

The woman smiled, showing her even, white teeth.

“We’ll I think it’s impossible to have a child just by yourself only if a potion or spell has come out that I don’t know about,” she said. James lifted his left hand up and showed the girl his naked wedding finger.

“I’m not married. I caught her cheating on me,” James whispered.

The girl pushed herself back up to her full height, taking in the beaten and broken man who sat before her, one arm hugging the teddy to his stomach to other grasping the empty glass…

“Come on Mister Potter,” Hillary said, four hours later, when the pub was completely empty with only the two of them and a couple of mice which could be heard scurrying along the edges of the room left. She pulled the man by his arm and maneuvered him around the tables and chairs, towards the door.

“Then she kissed my fucking worse enemy right in bloody fucking me,” James mumbled behind her, his words slurring together.

“Now, be careful, OK?” Hillary said standing just at the threshold to her family’s pub, she let go off the man and watched as he stumbled a bit as he tried to gain his balance.

“You really pretty,” he stuttered his dark hazel eyes glazed over as he looked up at her.

“Thank you Mister Potter, so are you,” at this statement the man grinned. “You sure you don’t need a lift home?” she asked before James could get his tongue around his response, and worried about the fact the man was shaking a bit as he stood.

“No, no, I’m fine… House is just down there,” he said pointing down the lane.

“OK, you have a good night,” Hillary said, James nodded his head in response and waved his hand.

Hillary closed the door, listening as the man walked away…

The water splashed loudly hundreds of feet underneath where James was standing, the point of his shoes jutting out from the side of the grass. He was going to meet Harry again, and everything would be fine…

He smiled as a seagull cried loudly and flew around in circle just above the waves. James took a step forward…

Just as he felt the ground give-way from underneath him, something caught his jacket, the painfully hitting his Adams-apple and blocking his wind-pipe, so he was finding it hard to breath.

“What the f-,” he gasped, and he looked up expecting to see a branch he didn’t notice before sticking out from the cliff’s face.

He squinted his eyes to see better, but what he saw made him get a tingling sensation at the pit of his stomach and his heart to do a massive back-flip. Standing above him, emaciated, battered and bloody, was no other… Sirius Black, his skeleton-like hands gripping at James’s hood.

“What the fuck!! LET GO OF ME!” James screamed up at him, wanting for anything just to get it over with.

“Yea right, if I let go of you I swear to good god James. I’m jumping in straight after you!!” Sirius screamed back down to him, trying to get a better grip on the jacket. James looked at the determination on the man’s face, the large veins in his neck popping out from trying to keep hold of him.

“Give me your hand,” Sirius shouted, and like a little child James lifted his arm up to him, his bones cracking noisily.

Sirius grabbed hold of it, and with one last tug, he hoisted him up back onto solid land.

The two men fell down onto the damp grass, breathing heavily.

“How did you know?” James puffed, the smell of dampness hitting his nostrils.

“Mister Snuggles,” Sirius puffed, holding up the white teddy.

James smiled, he had dropped the teddy in the field just a couple of inches away.

Sirius sat up on his knees.

“Yea I saw the teddy, but mate… we didn’t call ourselves ‘The Marauders’ for nothing,” he said shaking his head, his matted and greasy hair falling over his face.

James staid where he was, in his lying position, looking up at the man who seemed to have aged ten years in a matter of a few months, lines etching deeply into his once youthful features.

James swore to himself that when he saw Sirius again he would kill him for leaving him, Lily and Remus in the dark. But now that he was here beside James, in the freezing field, all James could do was smile.

Padfoot was back…

Chapter 10: Hostels and Tears
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“My stomach doesn’t feel so good,” James huffed, as he and Sirius walked down a small, quiet street.

“I’m not surprise, you smell like you’ve just jumped into a pound of alcohol,” Sirius said, grabbing hold of James’s hand as James lost his balance and fell against the wall, hitting his head.

“Owe, Fuck,” James cursed, rubbing the back of his head that had collided painfully with the stone.

Sirius gave a small chuckle as James leaned against him, their breaths coming out in small clouds in front of their faces. Sirius’s body ached everywhere from tiredness and also with trying to keep James from toppling over.

“Let’s just go into the nearest hostel, ok?” Sirius asked, just as James let go of him and vomited the remaining pieces of food and drink out of his stomach. The sick streaked down the wall of the butchers.

Sirius said nothing, getting agitated and annoyed by the second, because all he wanted to do was fall into a lovely warm bed and sleep for two days straight, but no he couldn’t do that because he now had to try and get his buckled best mate down a road which Sirius did not have a clue where it was leading them.

“James, get up!” Sirius snapped, grabbing hold of the back of James’s jacket. James spluttered madly as he was dragged back up on his feet and into a standing position.

“Awe, is Siri getting a little bit annoyed,” stuttered James drunkenly. Sirius looked down at the front of James’s jacket, to find that not all of his vomit made it safely onto the ground.

Sirius couldn’t help but screw up his face in disguise, as he took hold of the vomit-covered James.

“Come on, only a little bit more,” Sirius said, as they began to walk again, his stomach turning at the sour smell that was coming from his mate…

They both stumbled into the creaking and dilapidated small room, the wind whistling into them from the visibly cracks which ran around the small window.

“It’ll do for tonight,” Sirius said as he dropped James onto the bed. Sirius puffed as he pulled of James’s jacket and he threw in on the floor. James looked more like a rag-doll than a human being, as his arms and legs flopped onto the bed. Sirius grabbed his legs and twisted them around so James was the right way on the bed, before he climbed under the blanket, still fully clothed.

“Goodnight Prongs,” Sirius said, the bed squeaking as he tried to get comfortable.

James mumbled a few words- the last word could clearly be heard as ‘Padfoot’. Sirius laid there in the darkness, listening to James’s breathing as it got heavier and he started to snore slightly.

Even though his body and mind were screaming for the darkness of sleep, Sirius staid away from the remainder of the night…

A thousand thoughts swam around inside his head- he just saved James’s life, should that not count as something? But that could easily be cancelled out by all the terrible things he has done in his rather short life.

Sirius looked up at the ceiling...

Why was James drunk?

Where the hell was Lily? 
Why hasn’t she, with her motherly instincts come crashing down the door of their small hostel room yet?

What would tomorrow bring...?

The following morning, Sirius said nothing as James groaned and clambered out of the bed, the morning sun already streaming into the freezing bedroom.

He watched as James stumbled across the room, moaning to himself, his head in his hand, and as he wasn’t watching where he was going, he bumped his head against the side of the bathrooms door. Sirius held in his laugh as James cursed and made it to the toilet just in time to get sick again.

Sirius listened at the horrible sound of James getting sick over and over again, “You OK in there?” he shouted. There was silence.

James came into view at the door, confusion on his sweating face.

“Padfoot?” he asked, staring at Sirius, and Sirius knew why he asked, he wasn’t wearing his glasses.

“Yea, the last time I checked I was still me,” Sirius teased. James smiled, and Sirius smiled back.

“You stupid idiot!” James declared. Sirius climbed out of bed, a grin on his face.

“I wasn’t the one who was puking last night,” Sirius joked, and he walked over to James, where they gave each other a hug.

When Sirius was just about to let go off James, James’s body started shaking, Sirius got confused, and pulled away.

James was crying!

“Hey, mate. What the hell?!” Sirius asked, with his hand still on his mates arm.

“My life is messed up and it’s my entire fault,” sobbed James, brushing his hand through his hair.

Sirius said nothing but sat the man down onto the bed. He stood there and watched as the tears ran down Prong’s cheeks.

“She-she, kissed ‘him’,” James said, as if Sirius was suppose to know who ‘him’ was and unsurprisingly Sirius knew who ‘him’ was.

“I-I tried and I tried to make myself love her, but every time I look into her eyes, I-I” James paused and looked up at Sirius “I see Harry looking back at me.”

Sirius tried to string together a few words in his head, words of reassurance, which James seriously needed at this moment, but nothing came to him.

Sirius heaved a sigh, “Look, mate. Ok, we are two fucked up men, who lives can’t get any worse then what they already are. I’m on the run from my psychotic family who want me dead and you are totally and utterly alone,” Sirius said, James smiled.

“Thanks Padfoot,” he said sarcastically.

Sirius smiled, James smiled back him.

“But I made you smile James. All I’m trying to do is make you see that it’s not the end of the world. I have been on the run for I don’t know how long. I flipping lost count after day two, and if you want to believe me or not, not once but a few times I was on the verge of choking it,” Sirius paused, and James’s hazel eyes bore into his.

“Ok, my story isn’t so bloody bad as yours, but I know Lily and Harry were your world and you would have died for them if you were only given the chance, but you weren’t and that is what makes the difference,” and Sirius couldn’t believe it, but he had bloody tears filling the bottom of his eyes.

James chuckled when he noticed this. “Sirius, you’re crying,” he said with a croaked smile.

“You can’t say anything, you’re crying as well,” Sirius said and he rubbed the tears away.

“James, go and talk to Lily. Let her have her say. Talk to each other and see can you sort things out and even if the two of you do break it off, end a wonderful relationship on a happy note, ok?” Sirius said. The two men now had lines of tears running down their faces. James nodded.

“Stupid headache,” James said as he and Sirius walked down the hallways of the school.


They both turned around to the source of the voice and saw Minerva coming around the corner after them.

“Minerva,” James whispered, Minerva was looking directly over James’s shoulder, at Sirius.

“Black, it’s nice to see you again,” she said, walking up to him and tapping his hand. James and Sirius gave each other glances.

“Lily is up in the room,” Minerva said looking at James, who nodded his head. “You look terrible, let’s go to the Great Hall and get you some food,” she said noticing the skeleton-like body of Sirius.

Sirius looked over at James.

“I’ll be fine,” James said and with one final tap on the shoulder Sirius walked away with Minerva towards the Great Hall.

James closed his eyes for a second, he knew what was going to happen between him and Lily was going to be awkward and uncomfortable- not like he wasn’t use to it or anything, but he would liked to avoid these uncomfortable situation as much as possible.

He knocked on the door, so as to not get Lily all flustered. He waited patiently for an answer.

“Come in,” came her sweet voice.

James had to bite his tongue just to stop himself from crying- What the hell was up with him?? He never cried! The only time he cried before all this happened was at his parent’s funeral and that was only two tears, but since Harry he cried bucket loads, it was as if he had lost all control over his emotions!

James pulled the door open and the second he stepped into the room, his eyes landed on her, standing there beside the sofa, wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a green tank-top.

“Oh,” she said softly, turning around and sitting down on the sofa- as if she already knew what was coming.

James said nothing, he just stood there- he wanted to kiss her and tell her how beautiful she was, but he couldn’t.

Lily looked over the back of the sofa at him, her green eyes sparkling in the sun-light.

“Come in, close the door,” she said and James did what he was told.

He walked over and sat down on the puffy arm-chair, straight across from her.

Lily lifted her head up and stared James straight in the eye.

That one stare would haunt James for the rest of his life…

Chapter 11: Breaking the rule of Marriage.
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He knew, that for the rest of his life he would fall asleep, with that stare planted vividly inside the darkness of his closed eyes. The bright green eyes reminded him painfully of his son- the son he so badly wanted back than anything else, but at that moment, those eyes had the one thing he swore he would never see in them- pain.

Looking into them was worse than being repeatedly stabbed in the heart. It wasn’t physical pain but massive aches of guilt- he knew that he shouldn’t feel, because he did nothing wrong, but now he was sitting there, dying slowly in front of her- and all she did was stare at him. The emerald eyes leaking tears down her cheeks… Her thin, pale lips parted.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked.

James looked up at her.

“You already said sorry, you don’t have to say it twice,” he said, his mouth and throat going dry. But to his surprise Lily shook her head, her dark red hair falling over her shoulder.

“That sorry on the letter th-that was for doing a runner,” Lily said, her eyes looking like they were made from glass as they sparkled with the tears.

“What?” James asked, his brow creasing with confusion.

“That sorry wasn’t for having an affair with Snape… He’s the last person on this earth that I want to have one with. I was heading for the US, to get away from everything and to take a breather. Snape bumped into me and my emotions were all over the place and I wasn’t thinking straight,” she tucked her hair behind her ear. “I should of boxed him, given him a black eye. But I was lost, confused and I just needed to know that I was still alive,” Lily rubbed at the tears on her cheeks.

“But you could of written in the letter where you were going,” James pointed out.

Lily let out a shaky laugh, “Yea, like you wouldn’t come chasing after me- I know you too well James,”

James could feel his mouth twitch and he tried not to let the smile show, and he didn’t, which made Lily’s smile fade from her face.

“Alice and Frank got a divorce,” Lily whispered looking down at her hands.

“So is that what you’re trying to do? Get a divorce?” James said, harsh but not too harsh that it would send the woman he was infatuated with into tears.

“NO!” Lily screamed shocked “I was just saying, keeping you dated with what’s going on- Frank left the house to Alice, so he kind of loves her in a small way, he packed his things and left for Canada,”

They fell silent again.

“I found Sirius,” Lily looked up in surprise. “No, he found me,” James said, Lily opened her mouth. “He’s ok, a bit underweight, but breathing,” James added, knowing what Lily was going to say. Lily smiled sadly.

“I’m glad to hear it,” she said.

“What happened to us?” James asked, titling his head sideways, Lily looked up at him, and shrugged her shoulders.

“Voldemort,” she said.

James smiled. “I’m twenty-six years old and I feel like I’m forty… Do you think we rushed too much into things? I mean getting married? Having Harry?”

Lily shook her head, wiping her tears on her sleeve.

“James you were the second-best thing that ever happened to me,” she looked up “The first was having Harry,” she pressed her lips together. Her wrinkles deepened as she tried to hold the tears in.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and without looking at James she stood up and hurriedly made her way towards the bedroom.

Her hand was on the doorknob…

“FLOWER!” James screamed, knowing that he couldn’t let her walk off.

The use of her nickname made Lily freeze in the middle of twisting the doors handle and she looked back at James.

Without saying anything James swiftly made his way over to her, and brought into a lovingly embrace. Her arms tightly squeezed around him and she sobbed into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she cried, her arms squeezing James even tighter.

“It’s okay,” James whispered, as he combed her hair with his fingers, he bent down to her ear “stop saying sorry,” he whispered, Lily laughed shakily.

They stood there, letting time past them by without a second thought… James could easily of staid there for the rest of his life, but he knew they would have to break away, and when they did, the tears had dried up from Lily’s eyes.

James dug his hand into his pocket and took out the two rings.

“Here,” he said handing over the thickest one of the two rings. Lily looked at him confused and James knew why.

“You gave me an idea, with your little runner to the United States. Let’s take a break from one another, see what life is like without each other, get away from the depressing lives we have,” James explained.

James’s throat closed in on itself as he thought of the next sentence he was going to say. “If you do find somebody else give him the ring,” James took a deep shaky breath. “But if you don’t, keep it,” Lily looked down at the ring in her hand.

“I’m dropping my post as professor, keep the house if you want, I’m going to move to London. Get a job in the ministry if I can. Hopefully we learn how much we mean to each other and I might notice how much I need you,” James said.

Lily looked up at him.

“But we’ll be still legally married,”

“But no-one knows that, if you find mister right… and ok, you think he’s better than me. I’ll happily get a divorce if it’s for your happiness,” James said.

Lily smiled “You always knew what to say James,” she looked down at the ring “how long will it be for?”

“As long as it takes,” James answered, Lily nodded her head once.

He turned on his heel and started towards the door.


James turned, to see Lily walking down towards him. She walked straight up to him and kissed him directly on the lips, James kissed her back.

She pulled away.

“So I’ll remember what they’re up against,” she said, tears running down her face. “I’ll miss you,” she whispered, her voice breaking, making it impossible for her to keep on talking.

James sighed and took her small hand in the two of his.

“Don’t doubt for a second that I don’t miss you, because I will, and even if I do end up with someone, you will always have my heart… Sometimes people just have to move on even if they don’t want to,” James said, Lily nodded her head sadly.

“Come here,” and he brought her into their last hug.

“I’ll always love you,”

Chapter 12: Spinners End
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“If you’re going to blame anyone, blame me,” Albus said as he turned away from the window, his blue eyes were unusually dull and he wore a long, turquoise cloak. He silently stroked his white beard with one of his bony hands.

“I would have liked for you to stay, but I doubt your arrogance Mister Potter has ever fully gone,” Albus smiled slightly.

“Sir, you know if I could I would keep working… but it’s for the best,” James said, as he sat in the straight-back wooden chair in front of the headmaster’s desk.

Albus sat down, and looked at James over his interlocking fingers.

“Where do you plan on going?” he asked his voice full of concern. James shook his head and sighed.

“I don’t know. I’ve told Lily to keep the house-,”

“James, that house belongs to your family. I know you’re doing it from the goodness of your heart but you cannot give it over to Lily.” Albus leaned forward on his seat as he talked.

“I doubt Lily is going to stay there much longer, and anyway she’ll be here for most of the year, so its practically an abandoned house, and anyway I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for, I might be back next week-,”

“But what if you never come back…?”

The silence fell in the oval-shaped room.

“I got to be going,” James said in a final tone, he stood up from the chair. Albus also rose up to his full height.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a last meal?”

“No-no, I’m fine,” James said and he quickly shook hands with Dumbledore before turning on his heel and quickly leaving the office…

Lily was lying down on the sofa, her tears running across her nose and cheek as they fell sideways onto the cushion.

She had watched as James left the room, his footsteps echoing horribly in her ears as they hit off the floor. He never looked back at her as he left… not once. He didn’t even give her a last smile, even though it was not the type of situation to smile in, James would always manage to smile or make one of his tacky jokes in horrible and depressing situation like this.

Lily wanted to remember the James she had fallen in love with and the man she had married without a second thought. But now her mind was filled up with the image of a stony faced James sitting across from her on the armchair.

She pulled out the locket from inside her top and held it loosely in the palm of her hand. The engraved sentence on the back sparkled up at her- Don’t cry mummy I’m only gone for a little while- Harry.

Lily never thought in a million years that a locket could mean so much to her, it was the only thing that was connected to the life she once led and it stood for much more than a piece of metal. It was the only thing that kept her sane when she fell asleep at night, and now it reminded her of how much she loved James, and how lonely life would be from now on- without her two angels sitting beside her, she was nothing
without them, she was completely… empty.

James stepped through the door, dropping the bag with his belongings onto the floor and sighed. On his small trip up the shaky wooden stairs and small dark hallways, James had found out that the entire bed and breakfast had the strong stench of urine mixed with the sour smell of puke.

“Here,” the small, hunched landlady said from behind him, James turned around to her. She handed over the small silver key, giving James a toothless grin before she turned around and ‘shooed’ a screaming black cat down the stairs.

James closed the heavy door, its white paint flaking off into pieces onto the ground. He clicked the number of bolts into place and turned on his heel.

The sound of a couple arguing from the room above where James was came down to him, along with loud bangs and the unmistakable sound of china smashing and shattering into pieces as it was thrown.

James took a deep breath and sat down onto the only single bed in the room, which creaked eerily and sank lower with depression. The noise of barking dogs and a few cars backfiring came into him from the street two stories below.

James pulled his jacket tighter around him- being inside the building did not make a difference to the freezing temperature, and his breaths still came out in frozen puffs.

He pulled his knees up against his heaving chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them, he fell sideways onto the mattress and with his head tucked against his chest- he cried as if he had just woken from a numbed nightmare. The stream of tears did not cease to fall until a whole three hours later, when all his energy was gone from his muscles and the coldness had numbed his entire body. James fell asleep in a tight ball, with the streams made by the tears still visible on his pale cheeks.

Lily banged her knuckles against the wooden door at Spinners End and waited in the small overgrown garden, from behind the small house, steam could be seen drifting up into the sky from the large chimneys of the old factories.

Lily listened as the sound of footsteps came from behind the door…. And there was a small creak as the door was pulled opened.


As the yellow light from the streetlamps fell into the darkness of the hall, the skinny frame of Severus Snape cold be seen, the front of his olive shirt covered in what looked to be green slime.

They just stared at each other.

“Are you going to invite me in?” Lily snapped, bouncing on her two feet in agitation.

Snape took a second to notice that his friend had said anything.

“Yea-yea-sorry-come-in,” he said hurriedly, stepping backwards to let the woman into the dusty house. Lily slid past him without another word.

Without even waiting for Snape to say anything Lily made her way into the sitting room.
“Did you talk to Potter?” Lily heard him ask from the hall, just as the door clicked shut.
Lily did not reply to him but just stood in the center of the small, messy room, staring around at the number of vials that littered the mantelpiece.


Lily turned to find Snape was now standing in the doorway, his hands crossed in front of his chest, and the expression of complete confusion on his face.

Lily nodded.

“Yea, we talked,” she paused and averted her eyes to the window, her voice was beginning to wobble, she took a deep breath. “He’s dropped his position at Hogwarts, and is moving away,” Lily looked down at her feet.

There was silence.

Snape took a step forward.

“I’m sorry,” and Lily had to look up at the man, to make sure she didn’t hear it, she didn’t hear the self pity and the anguish that slipped out with those two words.

He walked towards her, and lifted his arms up to embrace her, but Lily quickly took a step backwards, missing his grasp, she shook her head, tears of pain filling her eyes.
“Why Sev? Why?” she asked, her chin wrinkling.
Severus brushed one of his hands through his black hair and turned away from Lily.

“I didn’t know he was going to see us?” he snapped looking back at Lily.

“See us?! Snape I have lost my only god-damn son!! And you see it as a gateway to have an affair?! Mess up the marriage that I was trying so badly to keep!” Lily screamed tears now streaming down her face, she rubbed at her cheeks. “Or was that what you planed all along, from the second Harry died?” Lily asked.

Severus shook his head.

“Lily?” it came out as a small whisper. “I have been in love with you since spying on you when we were children-,”

“We’re not talking about that now Snape! Why did you do it?” Lily screamed.

“Because I-,”

“Don’t you even think of saying, because I love you,” Lily cut across him, Snape fell silent.

Lily groaned, “Fine, you still have a soft spot for me, but if you really cared about me and loved me, like what you say, you wouldn’t of ruined my marriage, you wouldn’t of taken advantage of the state I was in... you wouldn’t of kissed me,” Lily said, her voice still echoing around the house.

This statement ticked something inside of Severus.

“What?! You come barging into my house just so you can shout your head off?” he yelled.

Lily smiled, not being one single bit intimidated by a shouting man- she stepped up to him, so her small, button nose was nearly touching his greasy beak.

“No, I just had to tell you how much I despise you, and that if I ever see your face again I will literally kill you,” and as she finished speaking, Lily gave a small menacing smile.

“Goodbye Severus, hope you have a good night,” Lily said as she walked around the man. She strolled out of the house, her traveling-cloak flowing behind her as she made her way down the small street.

Severus stood quietly at the front door of his house, watching as her red hair blew in the wind behind her...

Lily Evans would always have his heart…

Chapter 13: Femme Cafe
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James pushed his way past two old women, both of them having the strong odor of cat drifting off of them. He looked down at the begging tramp sitting at the side of the street, an old thorn green blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a paper coffee cup at his black frost-bitten feet.

And James instinctively thought

I’ll be joining you soon.

This wasn’t one of the ignorant thoughts that went trough James’s head every day, it was to some extent true. James, the man who was known to have inherited a great amount of gold from his parents when they passed away, barely had two Galleons to rub together. Because ever since leaving ‘Potter’s Palace’ and giving Lily all ownership of the property James had not bothered picking up the key to the vault and thinking that Lily would use it wisely and selflessly, he promised himself that he would not touch it, and he would not go to Lily and ask for the key, because he could not face seeing her again and having his heart ripped to a million painful pieces all over again.
Two weeks had past since James had last hugged her and he was for the moment making it through the days one-at-a-time remarkably well- seeing that he hasn’t yet fallen on his hands and knees and crawled back to her.

The hardest thing James found was not the fact that he didn’t have her, but he didn’t know if she was already hooked up with someone else and if he didn’t like this new boyfriend of hers, he couldn’t do anything about him.

James watched as a small baby-pink painted door came closer to him and he read the white and pink sign swinging above it which read, 'Femme Café'.

He sighed and looked through the flower-lined windows as he walked past, it was nearly empty, his stomach was starting to cramp from hunger and he needed a really big dose of sugar in his blood. He stepped through the door to be met by the strong but sweet smell of flowers and sugar, his body instantly relaxed.

“May I help you?” asked the girl behind the counter, plates of cakes and different type of biscuits and cookies covering its surface.

“Emm..,” James said as he watched a lump of brown, melted chocolate dumping itself into a mug.

“One of those,” he said pointing to the mug which was now floating over to the machine in the corner.

“Hot Chocolate?” she asked, quickly tying her blonde hair into a messy bun. James nodded. The girl smiled.

“Which flavor…?”

“Dark? Milk? White? Strawberry? With Hazelnuts? With Cream? With a Frog?”

James didn’t answer he was confused at the last type the girl said.

“Frog?” he asked.

“Yea, as in Chocolate Frog,” and she gave him a smile, her cheeks flushing slightly.

“Oh yea, sorry,” mumbled James, feeling like a complete idiot. “I’ll have Milk Chocolate, with cream, please,”

The girl nodded, and then without taking out her wand she busied herself with making the drink.

James watched on as she plopped in the lump of chocolate.

“Why don’t you use your wand?” he asked, the girl turned to him and she squinted her light blue eyes from the bright sun.

“It turns out nicer if you don’t use your wand, we only use magic for people who come here regularly,” she said, she smiled once more before continuing to make the drink.

“There,” she said, plopping the large mug and saucer onto the counter. “That will be three sickles please,” James reached into his pocket and pulled out the fist-full of change, not one piece of gold sparkled up at him, just bronze and silver.

“Here,” he said as he handed over the three coins. He turned around, with the cup and saucer in his hands and made his way around the small circular tables to the one beside the window. He sat down onto the small wooden chair, placing his rug-sack down at his feet, he noticed that there was only one other man in the café, and the other man looked to be nearly eighty and he sat with an elderly woman, who had only a small bundle of wispy silver hair left on her head. They were laughing and chatting to each other, as if they were in complete ecstasy with one another’s company. This was a punch in the gut for James, he always wanted to grow old and care-free with Lily, he wanted to die with her by his side. He wanted to have the feeling like their days together were not numbered and they had all eternity with one another. James turned to look out the window just to see a man and woman laughing at the skipping girl in front of them.

James turned away from the window, and placed his head in his hands, his thumbs turning around in circles, massaging his temples- just one of the many methods James had come up with to calm himself down.

Where did all the couples bloody come from?

It was as if everyone in the world had gotten together over night.

He leaned back on his chair and sat in silence, the café getting rather packed as it came up to six o’clock in the afternoon.

“You’ve been staring at that empty cup for nearly half an hour now,” James shook himself out of his trance and saw the woman from behind the counter standing beside his table.

“Sorry,” he grunted standing up from the chair and grabbing his coat, getting ready to leave.

“What? No! I’m sorry I was just saying,” the woman said getting flustered for the second time since James met her. James stared at her, his arm half way into the sleeve of his jacket. “Sit back down,” she said taking the empty cup from the table. “I’ll be back over with a new one,” she explained.


“It’s on the house,” she said cutting across him, she walked off towards the counter, while James placed his jacket back onto the chair and sat back down.

Two minutes later the girl strolled back over to him, a fresh steaming cup in her hands.

“Here,” she said, placing it on the table in front of James.

“Thanks,” James said, leaning forwards and cupping the mug in his two hands, trying to get most of the heat that was radiating off it.

“No problem,” she said, “I’m Grace,” she announced, stretching out her hand. James reluctantly let go of the cup and shook it.

“James,” he said, Grace nodded.

“May I sit down,” she said indicating to the chair across the table from James.

“Yea sure and James watched as Grace sat down.

“So what brought you here?” Grace asked, the orange sun hitting one side of her face. “You’re not a regular, and I haven’t seen you before. Moved house? Gotten lost on the way home?”

James smiled, Grace smiled too.

James sighed, “No… I’m just taking a small break,”

“Oh,” Grace said, and then titled her head to one side. “So why did you come into this café? When men say they take a ‘break’ they usually go to Spain or somewhere foreign, not to a little town in England,” and the tone of Grace’s voice made James chuckle.

Grace leaned forward, “So tell me, why are you here?” and she picked up a straw and started to twirl it around with her fingers.

“It’s depressing I wouldn’t tell you,” James said, taking a sip of the new drink.

“Ok, but I have a room upstairs and I kind of noticed you’re running low on money, so if you want to stay the night, I wouldn’t mind.” Grace said picking at a spot on her neck.

“No I really shouldn’t,” James said, grabbing his coat for the second time.

“No, please… it’s the least I can do,” Grace said jumping off the chair, James staid seated.

“I’ll show you,” she said, picking up James’s rug sack from the ground, and she started to walk away. James sat there for a second before standing up and following the girl through a small wooden door behind the counter and up a small stairs to the second floor.

“Here you are,” she said, walking into the small room just off the second-floor landing, she placed the bag onto the king-sized bed and turned around to him.

James stared at Grace and he was overwhelmed by how curvy her body was and how her hair seemed to glow. He stepped forward, so that they were nearly touching each other and he felt outside of his body as he leaned forward and kissed her, there was a sharp intake of breath as she was caught by surprise, but she didn’t pull back. One of her hands cupped the side of James’s face while the other one ran up his back, sending shivers all over his body.

For the first time James wasn’t thinking about Lily…

Chapter 14: Caught In the Middle.
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“Oh come on James!” Grace yelled as she dodged the people who were enjoying themselves on the thin layer of ice that covered the top of the lake.

“I’m coming!” James yelled, trying his best not to trip and end up face down into the layer of snow as he wadded slowly through it, towards the ice.

Grace skidded to a stop just on the outskirt of the lake, her cheeks a rosy red from the coldness. She chuckled as James cursed under his breath, his legs starting to ache from the heaviness of the skates along with the height of the snow.

Grace held out her glove-covered hand for James to take. James grabbed it quickly, just as the blade of his skate unsuspectingly hit off solid ground, making him loose his balance.

At the sight of James being unable to stand up straight Grace went into hysterics with laughter. James stood up to his full height, and stared down at her, a smile on his face.

“So you’ve never been ice-skating before?” Grace asked, her blue eyes sparkling.

“So you’ve noticed?” James said as he fixed his jacket.

“Come on,” and James took hold of Grace’s hand and cautiously made his way onto the ice.

Grace wrapped one of her arms around James’s waist and James did the same.

“Right foot first, ok?” Grace said. James nodded, his eyes staring down at his feet. “Ok, right,” and James moved his right foot, and for a second he thought his foot had vanished from underneath him, and he took a sharp intake of breath as he readied himself for doing the splits or flying backwards, but he didn’t and he let go off his breath when he saw that the blade on the bottom of his foot was still on the ice. He turned to Grace, who smiled.

“I just have to get use to it,” James declared as he pushed his left foot in unison with Grace, and the two of them were off skating side-by-side around the lake.

An hour later James fell down onto one of the stone benches that ran around the lake, and started to unbuckle his skates, Grace sat down beside him.

“That was good for your first time,” she said as she bent down and started to unbuckle her own skates.

“Well, if you think that bumping into people and sending a small kid flying is good, then yea,” teased James. Grace flicked her messy hair off her face.

“Oh stop being such a kill-joy… When I skated for the first time, I fell like a billion times,” she said, and a sigh of relief escaped her lips as her feet were set free from the boots.

“My feet have a billion blisters!” James groaned, his feet throbbing painfully. Grace hugged him.

“Then we can sit in tonight and have a lovely bath,” she said in her ‘cute’ voice.

James smiled, and kissed the top of her head.

“But first we got to make it home in one piece,” and he carefully pulled on his trainers, Grace shook her head.

“You had your skates on too tight,” she said.

“If they were any looser, they would of gone flying off my feet and put somebody into a coma!” James said. Grace laughed.

“Come on before we freeze to death,” and she stood up form the bench, wrapping her scarf tighter around her neck and fixing her jacket.

James held out his arm and Grace linked her arm in his, and they began to make their way home.

“I love winter,” Grace said as she looked up at the stars above them in the night sky.

“Why? Its cold, wet and makes you sick,” James said and he received a sharp blow to the side of his ribcage from Grace’s elbow. “What? You cannot say it doesn’t. Because it does, and you know it,” James cheekily smiled. Grace was about to argue but decided against it and just rolled her eyes at him.

James shook his head trying to rid his hair from the small flakes of snow which were falling, making it look like he had a bad case of dandruff. Grace twiddled the key in the keyhole for a second before there was a small ‘pop’ and the pink door swung open.

“Come on, don’t let all the heat out,” Grace said, and James stepped through the door after her. They walked through the shop and up the stairs in silence, the humming of the machines and the ticking of the clock were the only sounds that could be heard.

“Oooh… I’m freezing,” Grace said, taking off her scarf, gloves and jacket and dumping them down onto the wooden chair that sat in the corner of the room. She turned around to watch as James tried to unbutton his jacket with his numbed fingers.

“Let me help you,” Grace said and she walked over to him, James sniffed deeply, her sweet perfume engulfing him. She looked up, her lips inches away from his and deliberately slowly she kissed him. The jacket fell to the floor…

James laid silently on the bed, listening to the soft breathing coming from the form beside him, he twisted his head and for a second, when all he could see was a jumble of color, he thought he would see the dark red bundle of hair and two emerald eyes sparkling at him, but when his focus came back, he saw blonde and blue and like a knife to the heart he was reminded of where he was and yet again like every other morning, he wished he had never woken up and staid forever asleep.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love Grace, and was just using her- because he did love her, but that was all it was, love. Lily on the other hand he used to worship every waking moment with her, he would panic every time she left without him, thinking that she would never turn back up, he would secretly stay up late at night to make sure she came back through the door in one piece, but Grace walked in and out as she pleased and James would easily fall asleep. But his and Lily’s relationship would never get back to that, it was in the past now, and no matter how much he didn’t want to- he had to move on.

“Hey,” he croaked, pecking a kiss on Grace’s lips.

“Hey there,” Grace mumbled, Grace never called him ‘Prongsie’- another one of Lily’s nicknames bestowed to him, because James never told Grace anything about ‘The Marauders’ or Lily or anything about his life beforehand. She didn’t even know about his deceased ‘Little Shadow', which was taking everything James had inside of him to keep bottled up. He felt that if he didn’t tell Grace anything about his past, his past would not come back to haunt him. Yes she would eventually find out when the time came for them to meet with Lily, but until then, James wanted to keep it a secret…

“I’ll make some breakfast,” James said as he swung his legs around, he threw on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a top before leaving the room…

In the afternoon of that day, both Sirius and Lupin were standing impatiently outside the café when James walked out to them.

Sirius was the first one to say something and unsurprisingly it was a teasing joke.

“Do you want to tell us something?” he asked, pointing his finger to the pink exterior of the café, and he didn’t wait for a response from James. “Hey,” he threw his hands up in the air, as if declaring he had nothing. “I wouldn’t mind if you were… with me a ‘Black’ and him,” he indicated to Remus beside him "having a major attraction to the moon. It wouldn’t bother us we would still be best buds.”

James and Remus stared at Sirius, and by the look of Remus, he was also completely lost at to what Padfoot was talking about.

“What the hell are you talking about?” James asked starting to walk and both Padfoot and Moony fell into stride on either side of him.

“Pink house Padfoot, it screams only one thing,” Sirius said, as if he was stating the obvious.

James looked towards Remus, and made a ‘what-the-hell’ face at him, Moony just smiled back at him.

“Padfoot I’m not gay- I’m with Grace!” James declared, turning his head so he was looking at his mate.

Sirius gave a fake chuckle, just to antagonize his mate. “I want to meet him and give my verdict on whether he’s good enough,” he said deliberately ignoring his mate’s last comment.

“Oh, shut up!” James said, hitting Sirius in the arm and for the first time since Harry died, Sirius grinned widely and James felt like he was back in school.

“I just didn’t think you were living in a pink house!” Sirius said. James sighed- he should have seen this coming.

“Ok, fine its pink, but so what?” James snapped. Sirius grinned.

“Is that why we meet up in pubs and restaurants, because Prongs is too scarlet to show us that he now lives in a pink colored house?” Sirius asked, and he and Remus smiled at one another.

“Oh bugger off the two of you, it was like that when I moved in,” James said, as he pulled open the door to the bar.

“No, you bugger off,” Padfoot said as they walked around the tables and to a small booth in the corner. James smiled.

The three men slid onto the chairs, and sat in silence each of them knowing what the others were thinking and neither of them wanting to start the conversation.

When James knew he could not hold the silence much longer, he took a deep breath.

“How’s Lily?” he asked, and the two men looked at him.

Sirius shrugged his shoulder. “Ok,”

Jams sighed, “Sirius stop being so flipping modest, tell me what she’s up to… Is she still teaching at Hogwarts?”

“Yea, she still seems to be enjoying it,” and he bit his lower lip.

James leaned back on his chair and took in the two men, the two men he grew up with and here they were thinking that they were going to weasel their way out of telling him. Sirius biting his lip was the one habit he had when he was holding back something.

“Sirius, please,” James groaned, but stopped as the waitress came over to them, and he ordered three Butterbeers, and when the little waitress was gone Sirius leaned forward.

“Fine, she’s dating this bloke. His name’s Richard, but if you ask me he’s a complete asshole,” Sirius spat, and James couldn’t help but smile.

“No, Lily keeps saying he’s sweet… I think the woman has completely lost it-,” James opened his mouth to argue, “No! James, I didn’t mean that in a bad way, but we hardly see her anymore because, well, she’s in work for most of the time- and that’s understandable, but then when it comes to the weekends and stuff, she always says ‘I’m doing something with Richard, Richard is bringing me to bla-bla-bla-bla…- I swear I’m about to strangle her!” Sirius said, brushing his hand through his hair.

James sat up straighter on the chair.

“No Sirius, because if you did that you would consequently kill my so-called wife… and in return I would bloody slaughter you alive and then I would be put into prison,” Sirius and Remus stared at him as if he had just sprouted an extra head. “And we do not want that to happen now, do we?” James went on. Remus was the first one to laugh, while Sirius smiled and shook his head.

“I don’t get what this is all about… why didn’t you just get a divorce- it would be less complicated,” stated Sirius as he took a quick gulp of his Butterbeer.

“Because that’s kind of final- now we can do our own thing, but know that were still married… and if we ever get back together we don’t have to go through all the legal stuff again,” James said, lifting his glass to his lips and taking one large gulp.

“Oh, ok. It seems to make sense,” Sirius said, and shrugged his shoulders.

Later that night James pulled off his tee-shirt and sat down onto the bed, his legs still ached him from the skating the day before. Grace pranced into the room carrying a bundle of towels in her hands.

“I left the bath running so keep an eye on it, ok?” she said as she left the bedroom again, after picking out her underwear from the drawer.

James nodded, and fell down across the bed, just as a small tapping noise came from one of the windows and James looked over to see the large white form of Ruby standing on the ledge outside.

Confused, James walked over and opened the window; the owl bounced in and gave his finger an affectionate nip. James smiled.

“Hey.” and he stroked the bird on the back of her neck, making Ruby give a little ‘purr’ of enjoyment, then James’s eyes saw the letter attached to one of her scaly legs. He untied to ribbon.


Was written across it, he walked over to his bed and sat down, he flipped the envelope over and broke it. Pulling out the parchment, his heart was up in his throat.

Dear James

I hope you are well. I’ve been ok- I think that Sirius and Remus aren’t talking to me or suddenly dislike me because well I do try and see them, but I have the job at Hogwarts and then Richard- my new boyfriend [I wont talk about him, don’t worry] but he always seems to be there first when it comes to going anywhere. Sirius cursed at him a couple of nights ago, but that was over him touching your Quidditch Broom. I still wear the locket twenty-four seven- it’s the one thing that I will not let anyone touch, and yes I still open it every night when I’m by myself and stay awake just listening to it.
Even though I have somebody here with me, I still feel alone, its probably because I sleep for most of the nights in a huge double bed- I never noticed how much of the bed you took up [just kidding]

I heard that you’re going out with a girl named Grace? How is she? Is she nice?
When you left, I noticed you never took the key to the vault in Gringotts, how are you getting money? Did you find a job somewhere? [I’m sorry with all the questions]

Remember the tickets we bought to go to Iceland at the end of December, I found them in a drawer. If you want, you and this Grace one can go, or I’ll give them to Padfoot and Moony, and the three of you can go and have a nice holiday together- I’d say they would like it. [I know that the three of you need it].

I don’t want to go with Richard, he’s still kind of a bit strange to have around and if I went for the two weeks I might end up hating him more than Snape [yes I officially hate him] and committing mass murder.

All the students were asking for you, it was getting a tad bit annoying… a group of first years think that you’ve been eaten by a heard of Hippogriffs. [Just don’t ask, please].
I don’t know what else to say, so I’m going to end it here…

Love you always.
Lily xxx

James smiled, and rubbed his hand over the parchment.

“James!” James turned around to the door, to see Grace standing there. “You coming to get this bath or what?” she asked.

“Yea, sorry,” and James folded the parchment back up and placed it in the drawer.

“Who was that from?” Grace asked, looking over at Ruby who still stood on the table.

“Just a friend…,” and he smiled at her. Grace hesitated for a second before smiling back.

Chapter 15: Thorn
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“Rich?” Lily shouted, as she stepped out from the blazing emerald flames, no-body answered. “Richard?” she yelled. She was back at the 'Palace' for the Christmas holidays.
Leaving her bag beside the fireplace, she made her way towards the kitchen.

“Richard?” she asked as she pushed the door, the smell of spices and herbs hit her as the door swung open.

“No, no! Go upstairs… Get washed and changed and then come back down,” the strong voice said, a quick peck on the cheek and she was ushered back outside the door.

“Fine, fine,” Lily said as the door clicked closed.

“Love you!!” Richard screamed from the other side.

Lily smiled, “Love you to!” she screamed, before she picked up her bag and made her way upstairs.

When she got into the bedroom, she found a dark green dress lying across her bed, and a pair of green high-heels in a box on the floor.

Lily studied the dress for a second, and instinctively looked behind her to the brown press, where she knew that the white dress which James had spent a whole weekend in France to get specially made from the famous maker and then had to hand over a rather-heavy bag of Galleons for it, and all because Lily fell in love with it when she saw it in a brochure, but she never even got the chance to wear it.

Lily sighed, she slipped her shoes off of her feet before walking into the en-suit bathroom, where she saw that the large marble bath was already filled with steaming hot water, red and white petals floated on the surface of the water and over the marble floor. Little white candles flickered in the corners and shelves, making shadows dance calmly around the room.

Lily took off the locket from around her neck and placed it in the small shell-shaped holder on the shelf and closed over the top of the shell.

When she had undressed she slipped into the water, and laid there staring up at the ceiling as the shadows danced slowly over the walls.

If James did this, it wouldn’t be red and white petals it would have been beautiful white water lilies and a small box of chocolates would have been placed on the bed, for when she came out-

“Stop it Lily!” Lily physically shook herself- she had gotten into the bad habit of regularly comparing James and Richard to one another- and she had to get out of it, or she would slowly go insane with paranoia.

When Lily had finished with soaking herself in the bath, she wrapped herself in her housecoat and walked back into the bedroom where she carefully pulled on the green dress and high-heels.

The sound of the heels hitting off the floor echoed around the house as she walked down the stairs.

The bulky form of Richard could be seen waiting for her at the bottom, branding a new dark blue shirt and new jeans. His dark-brown hair was messily tossed- Lily did not know if it was tossed on purpose for the effect or just because he didn’t have enough time to comb it- but either way it was still drop-dead gorgeous. The sharp-features of his face stood out more pronounced than usual and his moustache and beard were both newly shaved. Lily couldn’t help but smile and Richard grinned back up the stairs at her, his dark eyes sparkling.

Yes, Lily- Richard wins on good looks.

Lily groaned.

“You ok?” Richard asked, holding out his arm for Lily to take. Lily looked up at him and nodded her head.

“Yea, I’m fine,” she said as she linked her arm in his and they walked into the dining area. As they stepped into the old-fashioned and long room, Lily let out a shocked gasp. The dining table, which was usually seen completely bare, was filled with candlestick-holders, the sparkling good china and shining silver goblets.

“Is Ma’am going to sit down?” Lily turned her head to the sound of the small squeaky voice and saw Dotty- one of the two house-elves holding out the chair for Lily to sit.

“Thank you Dotty,” Lily said as she sat down. Dotty bowed her head before hurrying out of the room.

“Here you go miss,” and Lily watched as the second and male house-elf, Ozzy, placed the bowl in front of her, the herbs of the soup drifting up towards Lily.

“I made it really thick, just the way you like it,” Richard said from his sitting place on the other end of the table, with the already half-eaten roll in his hand.

Lily didn’t say anything but picked up her spoon.

I doubt James even knew how to make soup- SHUT UP LILY!

Lily sat up straighter in her chair, and forcing herself not to think of the two men, she started to scoop the soup up in the spoon, the warmth of the thick liquid hitting the back of her throat and soothingly warming up her body… how could something as normal as soup do such wonders…?

“How was work?” Richard asked just as the two elves came out, carrying the main-course above their heads.

“Good,” Lily said, Richard nodded in understanding. 

“I spent all day preparing this,” Richard announced with pride as the plate with the main course was placed in front of him by Ozzy. Lily looked down at the plate, which Dotty was handing over. It was covered by a large juicy steak surrounded by little garlic potatoes.

“It looks lovely,” Lily said, and she looked back up at Richard, just to find that he hadn’t touched his meal, but was looking straight at her, confusion written across his face.

“What?” Lily asked getting paranoid.

Richard looked at her for a bit longer, as if thinking something over.

“There’s something different about you,” he said, resting his head in his hand his eyes fixated on her.


Richard leaned back on his chair and smiled.

“You’re not wearing the locket,” he said.

Lily gasped and reached her hand to her chest, just to find that the locket wasn’t there.
Richard threw his napkin onto the table, “Don’t worry, I’ll go and get it,” and he stood up from his chair.

“No, Richard. It’s ok. I’ll get it later,” Lily said, stopping Richard in his tracks.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I’ll only be a second. I know where it is,” he said.

“Please, I will get it later... just sit down,” Lily begged, not wanting to ruin the meal. Richard stood silently for a second, before sliding back down on his chair.

Later that night, Lily sat on the windows ledge in her bedroom, gazing out over the water fountain and garden, but no matter where she looked, she would suddenly find herself staring at the spot where she had fallen on her knees in front of her dying son, not knowing what to do.

The form of a barn owl flying towards her in the dark night-sky came into Lily’s range of vision and she watched as it steadily got closer with every flap of its long wings.

Lily stood up, as to make room for the animal to land, and watched as its little feet landed on the cushion, when it got its balance, it obediently held out one of its legs to her. She hurriedly untangled the letter, as she heard the sound of footsteps getting ever closer to the door.

When the letter was off the owl’s leg, it gave a low hoot before with one great flap of its wings, it flew away.

Lily quickly tucked the letter underneath her pillow, just as the door opened and in walked Richard with two cups in his hands.

“Here,” he said, sitting down on the other side of the bed and handing over one of the cups to Lily.

“Its just tea,” he said, placing his cup on the bedside table before making his way to the bathroom, but seconds later, the walked back into the bedroom, with the white sea-shell cupped in his hands.

“You forgot something,” he said, bending down to her and handing over the shell to Lily.

Lily took it, “Thanks,” she opened it up and took out the locket from inside it.

Richard kissed her temple. “I will never touch it,” he whispered before walking around the bed and climbing under the blankets. Lily fell silent and she placed the locket around her neck before reaching for the tea and taking a big gulp of it.

Lily turned to look at the sleeping Richard but she received a kiss on the lips.

“You’re even more beautiful when you have no make-up on,” Richard said as he repeatedly kissed.

Lily smiled… how couldn’t she? She was being turned on by the most gorgeous man she had ever met…

In the early hours of the next morning, Lily laid wide-awake, one of her hands digging underneath her blanket and holding onto the envelope the other softly holding the locket.

She turned to make sure that Richard was in a deep sleep, before slipping the letter out and as quietly as she could she opened it.

“Lumos,” she thought, and the tip of her wand lit up. She placed the wand over the piece of parchment and started to read.

Dear, Flower.

I’m good, I’m working in the Café that Grace runs, it’s called Femme Café and it’s located in a small village south of Surry. I think I’m the only man that ever stepped foot inside of it… well when I showed the other two their first reaction was that I had turn gay, because its painted pink, along with anything inside of it.
She’s a witch, but was home-schooled so she didn’t go to Hogwarts. We went ice-skating- I will never do it again [and I know right now your thinking of me in one of those stupid tight suits and doing twirls and jumping in the air]- but it was terrible.

Ruby looks well… she’s grown a bit. How’s Oscar? I’d say he’s grown a lot as well. Moony and Padfoot were talking about this Richard bloke…eh, you not telling me something? jk

Oh and its ok, I don’t want the tickets… It was supposed to be a family holiday not something that would probably end up resembling a Stag Weekend and then me being stuck with a vomiting Sirius and a moaning Lupin?! I would rather jump into a ring with a man-eating Hippogriff [tell the kids I loved it].

Hugs and kisses.
                        Prongsie xxx

Lily's eyes stung her with unwanted tears- James had written those words.

When her eye-lids started to get heavy, she placed the letter back into the envelope and plopped it into her drawer before cuddling up next to the broad chest of her boyfriend and she nodded off to sleep…

Chapter 16: Some people dont change.
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James stood at the bottom of the stairs watching as Sirius and Remus bounced repeatedly on top of their bulky suitcases, after unsuccessfully trying to jinx them shut.

"Close you stupid looking thing!" Sirius bellowed, breathlessly, kicking the side of his suitcase with his foot in frustration.

James laughed; making the two men turn around to face him.

"How did you get yours shut?" Remus asked, indicating to the navy wheel-along sitting beside James's legs.

James crossed his arms in front of his chest  "Because Moony, my dear pal. I didn't pack my whole house into mine,' he said, putting on his 'mature' voice.

"Was that a dig at me?' Sirius snapped, standing up to his full height, his cheeks a rosy red.

"Somebody is on the ball today!" teased James, quickly ducking, as the rolled up pair of socks, which were aimed at his head, zoom over his shoulder and landed on the steps behind him.

"Calm down the lot of you, you're worst then a pack of school kids," they turned their heads towards the sound of the voice, to see Grace glide effortless from the kitchen. 

"Thank you," James said, and he pecked a quick kiss on her cool cheek.

"Nice place Remus,' she said, turning her head to look at the dark walls.

"Thanks Grace," Remus said, falling down onto his suitcase, but not bothering to close it, as if in defeat…

The suitcases rattled and bounced over the bumpy path, as the three men pulled them along behind them.

"Next time, I'm listening to none of you, when you say, lets walk," grumbled James, the arm pulling the suitcase starting to hurt.

"I thought the pub was only down the road," Sirius puffed, his forward brow glistening with sweat from the heat of the mid-day sun.

"Oh shut up the two of you," Remus puffed, coming up last, his light brown hair sticking to his head. James stopped walking, pushed his glasses, which were slipping back up his nose and turned around to get a better look at the two marauders, who abruptly stopped walking and looked back at him.

James let off a small laugh.

"The two of you sound like an old married couple," he teased.

Sirius smiled slightly. "I wouldn't marry grumpy if he was the last person on earth,"

"Sirius, grow up," Remus snapped, walking around Sirius, without a glance towards him and contining the walk up the steep, narrow path.

When Remus was a few steps away, Sirius and James smiled at one another- this was going to be one heck of a holiday. 

It was three hours since their long track to their hotel, and both Moony and Prongs were now unsurprisingly sitting comforttably on top of tall wooden stools at a small bar, two dusty beer bottles sitting in front of them on the counter.

The wre both looking towards Sirius, who was just suppose to be going to "the tiolet" but was now chatting to a small blonde at the other end of the bar. The girl laughed at one of Sirius's tacky jokes. James sighed.

"I swear some people never change," he said looking down at his bottle. Remus turned to look at him.

"You got that right," and they both smiled.

"Remember that time he fell for Lily?" Remus said dreamly, James who was not ready for this, did not answer. Remus eyes widen with shock.

"I-I-I didn't mean to to that- No it was really really stupid of me- I'm so sorry," Remus said, stuttering over his words in panic.

James flashed him a tiny smile.

"They did nothing- remember she jinxed his hair blue and gave him blisters "down there" when he tried to make his move," James said smiling at the memory. "he couldn't sit properly for a whole month afterwards,"

The two of them fell silent, smiles still playing around their mouths as they were both lost in their own thoughts- until the squeek of a chair announcing the arrival of Sirius brought them back.

"How was the tiolet?" James joked, Sirius did not answer, but drank the rest of his bottle in one.

"Good, good," he said, placing the empty bottle back down, "Her names Megan,"

"We can't bring you anywhere, can we?" James asked.  Sirius flashed him one of his cocky-grins.


James did not answer him back, but turned around in his seat to get a better view of the band playing on the raised platform in the corner.

When the clock hanging on the wall behind the bar told James that it was nearly two in the morning, he decided to call it a day.

"Come on," he said as he slid off his stool. Remus and Sirius followed suit. Sirius somehow tripping over his two feet as he did so, and landing with a thump agaist the bar. He then started chanting silently to himself, the words "I'm tired and I wanna go to bed…" could be made out from it, James quickly ducked his head under Sirius's arm and moved him out of the pub, the cool night air hitting them as they got outside.

 "That's lovely," Remus said dreamly, from behind them as he was able to walk by himself because he was a lot less buckled than Sirius, but was still a bit wobbly on his feet.

 Remus walked silently beside James and the singing Sirius who had his free hand raised up towards the sky and looked liked he was trying to grab one of the shining stars.

"Aren't they lovely," Sirius said, his words slurring together.

"Yea, gorgeous,"

James's back felt like it was going to bent for the rest of his life, when he finally dumped Sirius onto his bed.

"Good night," he said, placing the key to his mate's room onto the small glass coffee table, he walked out of the room as quietly as he could, the door closing with a small click behind him, before making his way towards his own room at the end of the hall.

James opened the door to his room, he walked past the dirty sofa with the large, ugly television in front of it, the noise of the refrigerator humming came from the small kitchen, and when he got into into the bedroom he pulled off his shirt and trousers, before flopping down onto the bed.  He closed his eyes, his ears buzzing from the loud music in the pub.
Sirius was still the hormonal git and Remus was still the moaner- not everything had changed.  

Chapter 17: A Dark Day
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Authors note: this is just a HUGE thank you to all my reviewers, even if I did not reply to your review, I love you! Thank you soo much. Also a round of applause to the wonderful people who have stuck with this story so far. [even if you never left a review] *claps*. XxSarah LouiseXx =]



The scream echoed loudly from the other side of the thick wooden door. James gently dropped the file he was looking at, down onto the surface of his wooden table, and quietly waited.

The door was roughly pushed open, the sides hitting against the wall, and as the light from outside slid into the room, the skinny figure of Millicent Bagnold stood in the frame of the door- her hollow cheeks having a tinge of rosy red. 

"Yes?" James asked casually, leaning back on his chair.

Millicent started to breath in and out deeply, her nostrils flaring. Her light blue eyes flashing dangerously.

"You are slacking! I put you as one of our Hit Wizards... AND YOU ARE SLACKING!!" she yelled, making some of the bustling busy people behind her turn around in curiosity.

"Sorry ma'am," James mumbled.

"Sorry?" Millicent paused, as if thinking before she continued, "Sorry? Is that all you can say, after letting Bellatrix slip through your fingertips?! Do you know how that makes us, the Ministry look?"

James didn't answer her, there was no point in antagonizing her, just let Millicent have her ramble without interruption and she would be gone quicker.

"It makes us look like fools Potter!" she snapped.

James could see the large veins running up her neck, along with a small one at her temple pop out with pressure.

"One more hiccup from you, and I swear to good god you're out of here! Got it?!" he snapped, pointing one of her bony, manicured fingers at him.

"Yes ma'am,"

"I want to file on my desk by tomorrow at nine,"

"Yes ma'am,"

"Good," and without another word she turned swiftly on her heel and glided out of the room, leaving the door wide open in her wake, and revealing a round, brown haired man frozen just behind where she was standing.

James stood up, the legs of his chair squeaking against the floor as he pushed it back, he stormed around the large table and with all the force he had, he slammed the door shut. He stood, facing the glossy wood for a minute, his breaths coming out in sharp, angry puffs, he wanted to hit something just to get rid of some of the tension inside his body.

He and O'Reilly, a fellow Hit Wizard had been called to Derby due to a number of sightings of a few Death Eaters. When they got there, they ran into Bellatrix in a small village in the south and after her sending a glass  window flying outwards onto the two of them and blowing up a large oil tanker, parked on the side of the road, she had successfully slipped away, and being a Hit Wizard this was not suppose to happen, they were suppose to come back with whoever they were sent out to get, and according to Millicent it was the first time in history that not one but 'two' Hit Wizards had come back empty handed, and she was using everything she had to make the two of them feel guilty about it.

James rubbed the palm of his hand over his aching face, before lifting up the brown folder he was looking through before he was interrupted by Millicent, when two small white envelopes, which were shoved underneath the bundle of his brown folders, caught his eye. He picked the two envelopes up in his hand and saw with a leap of his heart that one was written in the unmistakable neat handwriting of Lily. Without even looking at the second one he tore the seal open and pulled out the piece of parchment.

Dear James

How are things?
I now have a box full of your letters now, which i stuff at the back of the closet. Are you still living in the pink house? 

Oh Ruby died, she was sending a letter to Alice when she was caught in that storm two nights ago...she was old- you've had her since first year, I buried her in the back, with Jasper and Bin. But Oscar is sulking, I'm not messing, the poor thing does nothing but sleep or hide in dark places. Do you know how to help a depressed animal? 

I saw Frank a couple of days ago- I forgot to mention it in the last letter i sent, but he looks a lot better, he has a new girlfriend. I don't know her name, I was in a rush.
I still cannot believe its been two years since we went our seperate ways, it doesn't feel that long.

James I don't want to tell you this in wrriting, i haven't seen you in two years, but I'm moving to Ireland- Richard has a small cottage in Galway, we are then going to move to Dublin and he's going to get a good job, im still going to keep my place as professor in Hogwarts.

Im sorry, I guess this is it. 
          Lily Evans.

James's eyes darted over the end part of the letter again, he sat there, numb- his mind forgetting how to do the simple things in life- like blinking and breathing. He could now feel his blood, in the hundreds of little veins, being constantly pumped through his body to the very tips of his fingers.

This could not be happening, he was on the verge of being sacked from his newly formed job and now he was being told by Lily that she was moving to Ireland! Even tough they never saw eye-to-eye with one another anymore, she was the only thing that he would never truely let go, right now she was still in England, where he left her, and if he wanted to, he could easily see her, but if she moved to Ireland- it would feel like that she was gone from his life forever, and he couldn't let 'his' Lily go like that!

He grabbed hold of the envelope that the letter came in and hastily searched for any other letter that might be hidden inside it, tearing the envelope in two as he did so. There just had to be another letter explaining to him that it was all a joke and that she was in the thick stone walls of Hogwarts, packing her suitcase, planning on going back to 'The Palace' for a nice relaxing summer holiday.

With a huge pang to the gut, James found no other letter in the now thorn-to-pieces envelope. His mind went into a frenzy of thoughts and emotions, and without even thinking about the consequences and the fight that would most likely happen at the end, he grabbed hold of his overcoat, flew out of the office, his feet prodding the wooden floor as he dodged around a suited-man carrying a large bundle of papers in his hands, he ran around the hundred -or-so cubicals his eyes glued to the golden rails of the elevator. When he finally made it to the elevator, he punched his fist roughly onto the button and waited for the half-filled elevator to clang to a stop in front of him.

"Potter?-" James quickly glanced over his shoulder at Millicent before stepping into the elavator and slidding himself into the far, back corner.

The sweet but annoying female voice spoke from somewhere above his head, "Doors Closing,"

The lift jerked a bit as it quickly dropped downwards, James's hand tightly held onto the strip of rope, which hung down from the roof.

"Doors Open-," James had already slid past the small gap between the two rails and was now running flat out to the red-telephone booth, which two elderly wizards were now stepping out from.

"Sorry," James mumbled, as he knocked the two wizards side-ways. When he slammed the door shut behind him, he quickly punched in the numbers in the muggle telephone and he felt himself instantly begin to rise up into the darkness of the Ministry's ceiling.

As the booth came above the grounds of London, the setting, yellow sun was shining directly in his face. He cursed under his breath, and lifted his arm up to shield his eyes, before turning down into the cool shadows of the small alleyway. He made sure tha no-one was around before turning around on the spot, trying his hardest to think of his destiniation...

As his feet collided painfully with the hardness of the ground, he lost his balance and stumbled backwards. After regaining his balance, he twisted around to look at his new surroundings, just to find that he was surrounded by fields and trees, the soles of his shoes begain sinking into the wet muddy path underneath him, he lifted his foot up and started to walk down the path, the cool summer air brushing against his sweating brow. The winged bore gates came into view as he rounded the corner- along with a group of masked, dark cloaked figures, all of whom were standing under the erie green glow of a snake and a skull which were glistening down on them from the light purple sky.

A twisted smile came onto the face of one of the figures standing in the front of the group, and by that smile, James knew who it was- it was the mad sneer that could be seen on the face of no-one other than, Bellatrix Lestrange. Her arm was exstented straight out infront of her, a wand clasped in her hand and it was pointed directly at James's chest.

"You should really be more careful on who sees your mail Potter, trying to prevent precious Lily from moving?... How toucing," she paushed, turned her head to one of the other cloaked figures, before turning to look at James again "Any last words?" she sneered, James looked directly into the small eye-holes of her mask, and saw her eyes glistening madly, James smiled.

Bellatrix's hand lowered slightly as she saw the smile twist across James's face, but then shook it away and lifted the wand back to its original height.

"I'm finishing off what The Dark Lord started. Did you really hink that 'he' was going to let you walk free? After you nearly destroying him?" the silence fell between them.

"Say hi to your son for me, won't you?" she continued after a minute of silence, and then she waited for an answer, but James wasn't going to be taunted by a group of puppets. He straightened his back up further and stared at her as she tilted her head to the side, and her lips parted.


Chapter 18: Blood
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Lily hummed softly to herself as she neatly folded and placed all of her clothes into her suitcase. She took hold of the small silver framed photograph from the bedside cabinet and smiled at the moving photo inside it, James and Harry laughed up at her, Harry was sitting on his dads shoulders and giggling hysterically, while James tried to keep hold of his tiny arms as his son leaned backwards.

She placed the photo safely on the top of her folded jeans, before gently closing the lid shut. Two years ago, she wouldn't of imagined that her life would be so completely different, she had no son and she had not seen James for over a year.

Lily pulled the suitcase off the bed making it crash with a tremendous bang onto the wooden floor. She dragged it across the room and stood it up straight beside the door, before she turned back around and surveyed the room, too much had happened in this precise room, she didn't want to leave it. She took a deep, steady breath, fastened the belt of her jacket around her waist, and pulled out her wand from the back pocket of her jeans, she gave a small, lazy flick of her wrist towards nothing in particular, making the suitcases and small bags, which were scattered in odd hiding places around the room, hover silently out from their hiding places, and glide around her and out of the door. She fixed herself, grabbed hold of the book from her dressing table, when the book was securely in her hands, she turned swiftly on her heel and left the door wide open in her wake.

Students bate her 'a happy holiday' while they walked past her, their hands holding onto the travelling crates, which had their pets locked safely inside. The prospect of finally going home to their mums and dads after a tedious year at school had smile on their faces.

Without thinking of where she was going, Lily found herself on a dark and empty corridor, she paused for a moment, just staring into the darkness of the shadows before she continued walking again, she held out her hand, so her fingertips brushed off the surface of the cool stones. The thick red book was still tucked under her arm, her skin prickled from the coldness, each footstep she took echoed around her and vibrated into the silence.

She turned the corner, took two steps and placed her hand on the stone she was looking for, she pulled out her wand from her pocket and gently tapped the stone twice with the tip, the brick and the ones surrounding it, faded silently backwards into darkness.

Lily felt like a little school girl again, running around with James as he showed her all the hiding places and secret passages of the school. Out of habit Lily looked over her shoulder to check that no-one was around, but then sighed as she remembered that she was a fully-grown woman, so she wouldn't get into trouble and that she didn't have any of the mischievous Marauders with her on this trip. She stepped through the place where the stone was and found herself in a skinny corridor with candles in brackets every two feet for light. She heard a soft 'whoosh' and looked back to see that the bricks had fallen into place, forming a solid wall again.

She picked up the ends of her travelling cloak, as the corridor was known to her to have horrible rats and mice running around the sides of the walls. She ducked her head, narrowly missing a large cobweb hanging down from the ceiling.

Lily walked on for a few more seconds, passing the place on the wall where four love hearts were messily engraved.

 R.L   S.B    J.P    P.P
  -L-   -L-     -L-   -L-
S.M   girls   L.E   S.S

Lily glanced at them and smiled, she was there when they were engraved, it was the first time Lily had missed class to run around with 'The Marauders', it was also the first time she felt elated to see her name in a heart with 'J.P', she saw it a billion times before, of course, as they were scribbled all over James's copies and books but that was just him being an annoying git. This was the first engraved heart made with the two of them being an 'item'.

Remus at the time, had fancied the ass off a shy and quiet Gryffindor who's name was Samantha Moore, and whenever James or Sirius would put the poor girl down by saying 'shes way to shy', Remus would of had his come-back with 'then why is she in Gryffindor?'. Sirius once said 'The hat made a mistake' but the hat never made mistakes, so that wasnt resonable, so both James and Sirius had to leave Remus with his daydream of one-day marrying Samantha.  
Lily glanced at Sirius's heart- now that was true, she thought, Sirius liked anything with tits.

Lily smiled when she saw the 'SS' on Peter's heart, it  no-doubt stood for Severus Snape because the two of them at that time, could be seen together- of couse not talking, and Peter wouldn't tell any of the Marauders why he was starting to hang around with 'the greasy haired git' which the other three, well two, had spent six years doing their best to make his life miserable. Lily had to get invovled with the arguement then, saying that there was nothing wrong with 'Severus'.  

Lily shook her head slighty and continued walking. She descended down the flight of steps at the end, and came out onto a small isle between two tall bookshelves. Lily looked up as a large black book floated over her head as it made its way back to its spot on the shelf.

When she got out into the middle of the library, she saw that the place was empty of all students, the circular table in the middle had a small, beagle eyed woman sitting behind it, her long bony fingers flicking the pages of an opened book.

"Good afternoon Irma," Lily said, as she gently placed her book on the counter infront of the woman. Irma jumped at the sound of Lily's voice. 

"Oh Lily. I didn't hear you come in. How are you?" she asked, plopping a bookmark onto the page she was reading and gently closing the book as if it was gold.

"Grand, I'm just bringing back the potions book I borrowed last week," Lily said, indicating to the book infront of her

"Oh yes, sorry dear," Irma said, her long hands grasping either side of the book- as if she was picking up a delicate new-born child.

"Thanks," Lily said with a smile, and she turned on her heel and quickly left.

When Lily was ready, she pushed the heavy front door of the school open, the setting sun hitting her painfully in the eyes, blinding her vision. She squinted against the bright light. Pulling her cloak tighter around her, she made her way towards the first awaiting carraige, which every year was reserved just for her.

Her hand was on the cool steel handle of the carriage, and she was just about to pull it open, Lily noticed that the students werent quietly sitting in their carriages but were jumping out form them and running towards the gate.

Lily let go and started walking.

"Students get back into your carriages!" Lily ordered two first years as they tried to get down from their carriage.

"But miss somethings happened," squeeked one.

"Dont worry, I'll go and check it out, you get back inside," Lily said, with what she hoped was a friendly smile. The boy's features relaxed and he nodded. 

Lily continued her way down to the gates, where the students had formed a large crowd.

"Excuse me," Lily said, and she squeezed her way through the crowd. When she got the front, it took her a second to realise what she was seeing. A line of aurors were stopping the students from passing by, behind them three medi-wizards were hurdled on the ground, surrounding what looked to be a body, a puddle of dark liquid glistened beside them. Lily watched in slow motion as the head of the patient turned. . .

"James?" Lily whispered, confused. She watched as the smile came onto what she could make out of the man's face, along with two dimples.

"JAMES!" Lily screamed, feeling her stomach drop and her heart leap up to her mouth. She ran forward, ramming into the broad shoulder of one of the Aurors.

"Sorry miss, you can't come past!" the man said, holding onto Lily's wrists.

"I NEED TO!" Lily screamed hysterically, tears starting to roll down her face.

"Sorry but i cant let you!" he said, gently pushing Lily backwards, she pulled out her wand, all the aurors heads turning to look at her.

"," she ordered, enphazinsing each word. The auror who had shoved her away eyes flicked as he looked at the wand. He stepped back.

Lily sprinted past the line of aurors, and down onto the mud track, her shoes sinking into the earth. Her blood thumping in her ears as she got ever closer to James.

"James?!" she screamed, as she got up to the side of him, she saw what the liquid was, seeping out from the top of his head was a neat puddle of, blood.

"Flower?" James asked. 

The sound of the weak voice made shivers run up Lily's spine...    

Chapter 19: The Promise.
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Saint Mungos Hospital was unusually quiet. Lily sat in one of the far corners of the waiting room, with a cup of cold coffee in her hands. She was on high-alert, watching every move a person took. At one stage during the night, the Healers wanted to give her a calming potion but Lily refused it.

A man with large ugly, pulsing boils covering the side of his face and hands sat down a couple of seats away from her, and started humming to himself. Lily turned to him as she recognized the lullaby he was humming- it was the same song she heard every night while putting Harry to sleep and it was the song she hummed to calm the toddler down.

Lily started to hum along, the man looked around in surprise at her but his face broke out into a smile. Lily smiled back while still humming, and for the first time in hours she started to relax, her body falling back against the chair.

The window at the side, started to slowly get brighter as morning approached, and one by one the levitating candles around the Hospital extinguished themselves.

As the clock behind the reception desk read nine in the morning, more people started arriving, they sat down onto the chairs and Lily watched as one-by-one they were called by a Healer.

Lily went into a 'numb' state of being, as tiredness and hunger took over. She rested her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, but her mind was still being flooded with horrible images of the bleeding James, she opened her eyes, to see a curly, black haired Healer walk her way.

“Miss?” she asked, as she saw that Lily's eyes were opened. Some of the in the waiting turned to watch what was happening. “Do you want to have something to eat? You haven't eaten all night.”

Lily shook her head.

“They will call you when they are finished with him,” she said, a friendly smile coming onto her face. “You need to eat.”

Lily stood up from the chair she had been sitting on and followed the Healer, down the corridor and then she took a right and descended down a flight of stairs. At the end was a single elevator.

The two of them stepped into it. Lily was silent as the Healer pushed in the button with the number five, and the lift started to rise, Lily could feel herself rock slightly on her feet with tiredness.

When the doors opened again, Lily was filled with the strong aroma of coffee. The floor which the doors of the elevator had opened up onto, had restaurants lined against the three walls, and in the middle of the room was hundreds of tables. Queues of people had already formed and most of the tables were occupied.

“The toilets are over there,” the Healer said pointing to the right, she turned around and stepped back into the elevator. “Oh!” she said surprised, and began rummaging in the pockets of her suit. “Here,” Lily took the little slip she was handing to her. “Just hand that in and you get your food for free.”

An hour later a well-fed Lily was back down sitting in the waiting room, the full stomach along with the exhaustion now made her feel physically sick.

“Miss Potter?” Lily looked up from her gazing of her knees to see a dark-haired, sturdy looking Healer, the look of bewilderment on his face. “I thought you were called,” he said. At this the busy receptionist piped up.

“She was, but she was gone to get something to eat.” she said, before turning back to the waiting man.

“Oh, right,” and he ran a hand through his hair. The same way as James.

“I'm Mister Anderson. I was wondering what happened to you. Do you want to follow me?” he asked, Lily stood up from her seat, her legs nearly collapsing underneath her and followed the Healer down the corridor and into an office.

“Sit.” he said pointing towards the chair in front of the desk. Lily sat. She waited for him to be seated, and when he was- his expression had changed. It was now strained and serious. “We patched him up and we stopped the bleeding,” Lily felt elated, he was still alive, “but that doesn't mean he's out of harms way,” Lily nodded her head, to say that she understood- but she didn't, if he was still breathing and the blood had stopped, that would mean he wasn't going to die.

He closed the folder which was opened up on his desk and looked back at Lily.

“We have given him a bottle of Sleep Potion, hes been asleep for a while now and we don't know what hes going to be like when he wakes up. OK?” he asked, Lily nodded her head.

Anderson stood up, and walked towards the door, which he held open. Lily walked out, neither of them said anything to one another as he led her down the corridor and then up four flights of stairs.

He walked nearly half-way down the corridor before he stopped beside the door.

“I will leave you here, if you need any help there are Healers in the adjoining room,” he said with a wink, he turned around and walked back down the corridor. Lily waited until he had turned the corner before opening the door.

Everything in the room she had just stepped into was white, a set of curtains was blocking the bed from view. Lily walked up to them, her heart in her throat.

James was lying on a bed, looking more dead than alive. The only giveaway that he was still breathing was the constant rising and falling of his chest. Lily wiped away a tear, before sitting down onto the visitors chair beside the bed and taken hold of his hand in hers.

“James. It's OK. I'm here now.” she said her thumb massaging the back of his hand.

“When you get out of here. I'll let you move back in and I'll kick Richard out..” Lily looked around the room, to find that they were all alone. “I shouldn't have written you that letter, telling you about Ireland. It's all my fault your here.” Lily fell silent tears brimming her eyes, the silence was deafening. She lifted James's hands and kissed it softly. “Your my soul mate and nobody will ever replace you. Even if they are good looking and rich.” two tears fell down her cheeks. That was when she remembered the deal they had made. She pulled out the locket from underneath her coat and clicked it open, the laughter echoed around the room as she plucked out the silver ring from inside before closing the locket.

“Here,” she said, lifting his hand in hers and twisting the ring onto his finger.

She walked around the bed and found his clothes and belongings in the cabinet beside the bed. She opened up his wallet and found the little silk pouch inside one of the pockets, she opened it up and found her ring tucked safely inside.

Hours passed with no movement from James, Lily staid beside his bed for the whole time. She would guess that it was either late evening or night-time. But she had no clock to tell her.

Lily had her eyes half closed, when she saw James moving for the first time.

“James?” she said, sitting on the edge of her seat and grabbing his hand.

His forehead creased and his eyes blinked several times against the brightness of the room.

“Where am I?” he asked, and Lily turned to see a Healer stroll out from the room.

“Nice to see your awake mister Potter,” she said happily, taken hold of his wrist and counting his heartbeats. James looked at her perplexed.

“How are you feeling?” Lily asked, trying to start conversation and wanting to ask him a billion questions about what he had been up to. But the look she received from James was the look that she never wanted to see... confusion.

“It's me Lily,” she said, laughing slightly trying to keep her hopes up. James turned to the Healer as if for some explanation. The Healer stopped her examination of him and stepped back, her face turning a shade of pale white. Lily stared at her, her heart racing. James didn't know who she was.



“Yes James?” Lily asked. They were walking down a dark corridor of Hogwarts, hand-in-hand, after just having their very last meal in the Great Hall. Both of them were wearing their graduating cloaks.

“Will you promise me something?” he asked, as they stepped outside and walked towards a stone bench. The stars twinkled down upon the two of them from the dark sky.

They sat down on the bench.

“What?” Lily asked, James gave her hand a small squeeze. She smiled at him, but he didn't smile back, his face was serious but sad.

“When I'm three hundred years old, and my mind starts to deceive me... When I cant remember your name, if I look at you but I know who you are... will you take me out of that empty life,” he paused and for a second Lily thought he had forgotten to finish his sentence, but then he took a breath and whispered so softly that Lily wouldn't of noticed he had said anything if it was not for his lips moving. “Will you kill me?”

Lily's body stiffened and she looked into his hazel eyes to see that they were filled with tears.

“James! Where is this coming from?” Lily said, shocked. “We're not even out of school, and you're already planning on how your going to die,”

James ignored her statement. “Will you promise?” he asked kissing her hand. “My life is nothing without you,”

Lily fell silent and stared at James biting her lips, this wasn't a joke, James was being serious.

“I promise.”

Chapter 20: Decision
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.:Chapter 20:.

Lily sat on the sofa, and waited silently for the healer who had left her there to return. She looked around the room, but found that there were no pictures or windows on the walls, which looked very bare and cold.

She took her hair out of its high pony and roughly messed it up with her hand. But the minute the loose locks of her thick hair hit her back, she felt a bit more relaxed, her lungs feeling more able to take in breaths.

How did she ever manage to get herself into this mess?

She wanted a complete stranger to walk through the door, and who would sit down and just listen to her whine about how horrible her life is and that she, to her shock, wanted to swap lives with Snape- even though he had the worst life in the world- anything was better than this. Anything was better than have the feeling of despair and death hang over you like some dark black cloud.

With a sigh, Lily stood up from the sofa, and walked over to the wooden cabinet beside the armchair, the blue vase which sat on top of the cabinet looked empty as she walked towards it, but when she peered inside she saw a shrivelled up, dead looking flower hiding inside, she cupped the small dead flower in her two hands and sat back down, all the while not looking away from the plant. 

She watched as the flower started to change colour, the sad brown slowly turning into a soft salmon colour and then to a radiant pink. The flower doubled in size as the leaves uncurled and straightened themselves out. Lily smiled down at the now radiant pink petals. She placed it back into the vase and sat down still looking at it.

The door to the room clicked as it was opened and Lily turned to see the small, brown haired female healer walk through the door, a folder in her hand. She said nothing, as she walked towards the worn-out brown sofa and sat down settling the folder onto the wooden coffee table in front of her.

She looked up, her brown eyes filled with concern as she took in at Lily’s appearance.

“Miss...?” she asked, not knowing which name to use.

Lily gave a small smile, before she whispered “Potter.”

The healer nodded, before flicking the folder open, “Miss Potter... One of my workers has informed me about the choice that you picked in association with Mister James Potter’s future.” She sat straighter up on the chair, and interlocked her fingers together. “I’m not here to change your mind or anything like that... I need you to understand me.” Lily looked her straight in the eye. “There is no spell or potion that can bring back memories from his past.”

Lily bit her lip and nodded. “So he will never know about Harry?” she asked, her eyes were not crying anymore tears- they had long dried up. The healer shook her head from side-to-side.

“Sadly not. Yes, you can tell him all about Harry and what they did together. But they will only ever be stories to him. Nothing more.” 

Lily couldn’t look at the woman any longer, so she turned to a spot on the wall and stared at it, in a state of numbness. The two of them sat in silence, as Lily tried to make sense of it all, her mind was on overdrive as she tried to make the biggest decision she knew she would ever make. 

Lily slowly turned to the woman again, “Can I have the papers?”

The white papers seemed menacing as the healer pushed them across the table towards Lily. Lily read the paper, before she dipped the point of her quill into the ink bottle and watched as the small black drops fell from the tip of the quill and back into the ink. She hovered the quill inches over the black line, and watched, feeling as if she was outside her own body as her hand made smooth strokes across the sheet and her name was written neatly on the line. She dropped the quill and sat back, watching as the healer lifted the paper and placed it back into the folder.

Lily Potter had just signed James’s life away...

Lily silently followed the healer down the busy corridor, swerving around people to avoid collisions, but Lily wasn’t all there, she felt her feet walking, but she was moving them- she knew she was there in Saint Mungos but she felt like she was a hundred miles away. . Totally alone.


They turned a corner, which Lily would had easily missed if it wasn’t for the woman in front of her and the two of them walked down to the end of the corridor.

“Take as long as you want.” She said resting a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “If you need me, I’ll be just outside.” She pushed the door opened, revealing to Lily what looked like a completely empty room, with only a table in the middle with two vials sitting on top of it. Lily un-winningly stepped into the room. She waited for the door to close behind her before she stepped up to the table.

When she was standing beside the two vials, she looked down into them, to find one was bubbling slightly, while the other one was a soft cream colour. Lily sighed and took out her wand, she gave it a small flick, making a bottle of, James’s all-time favourite drink, Butterbeer appear in front of her along with a tall, skinny glass... That was when everything came rushing to her.

James was the only person in the world who could make her feel safe by just a mere touch. He always stood up in his role as ‘her knight in shining armour’ whenever she had gotten into a near-death experience- he had always saved her. She would of been dead long ago if it wasn’t for him- Like the time in Hogwarts when she, Lily went chasing after Remus- well the wolf form of Remus, she just wanted to ask him if he was feeling ok when the huge furry form came charging out of the trees at her. That was when the massive stag came charging forward and forced the beast away from her. Lily didn’t have a clue at the time of what had just happened, but with a lot of snooping around and asking questions- she soon found out.

Richard would never fill the role of her knight, even if he tried. Because her knight had to be the one person she loved to hate at school. It had to be the one person who still loved her when she had her ‘time of the month’. Who told her he loved her twenty times a day. Who didn’t care if she burped and farted in public. Who didn’t care if she ate with her mouth wide open and didn’t say grace before meals. Who made her laugh whenever she was feeling depressed, and always made the load a whole lot easier to carry... and Lily knew deep down she would never find another man that would make her feel like a princess.

...But her knight was in need of her rescuing...

Lily walked down the corridor, with the glass in her hands- the hated tears were back in full force and were streaming down her cheeks. She gripped the glass in one hand and opened the door to the room. James was lying down on the bed, his eyes closed. She walked over to him, and stood beside the bed.

“James?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper, but James opened his eyes and smiled.

“Hi,” he said, and before he could say anything else Lily cut across him.

“Listen, I have a drink for you...” she looked up at him, tears still streaming down her face. “It’ll make you feel very sleepy....” Lily said and she saw the smile spread across James’s face. Lily dropped the glass onto the bedside cabinet and began tucking the blankets around James.  

“Will you be here when I wake up?” James asked.

At this statement, Lily felt like she had been kicked in the gut. She closed her eyes and forced herself not to let the cries escape her lips. She shook her head and whispered.

“I will always be here for you.” She bent down, gave James a kiss on the lips. Before handing over the glass to him, he took it with a smile, and Lily watched as he drank it back in one. She took the empty glass out of his hand and placed it back down onto the cabinet, before taken hold of his hand in hers. She watched as his eyelids closed for the last time and his head lolled back onto the pillow...  His grip on her hand loosened.

Lily let the tears fall freely down her face... She wished she had gone with him.

Chapter 21: The New Lily.
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The shadow of a woman could be seen walking swiftly down the streets, he over-coat pulled around her pale cheeks, to keep out the bitter wind that wiped around her. Lily had taken the night bus after the healers had told her that she was too emotional to use any other sort of transport, and might end up splinched in half if she tried to Apparate or in Egypt if she missed her fireplace through using the Floo Network.

Without noticing where her feet were taking her, she found herself at the front door to the large mansion; she looked around to see if there was any sign of a trespasser, but nothing moved in the darkness, only the twinkling sound of the fountain and the rustle of the trees could be heard.

She turned and opened the door, as she stepped inside, her shoes echoed loudly around the silent house. She pulled off her coat and let it drop soundlessly to the ground, while continuing to walk towards the stairs. She gripped the handrail as she took each step at a time, tears beginning to run faster down her face.

Oscar lay flat-out on the cool floor just at the top of the stairs, and at the sound of Lily’s footsteps, he opened his eyes and his tail began to wag with happiness. Lily smiled and gently picked the now full-grown cat up in her hands.

“Don’t worry. I’m here,” she whispered, stroking the cat’s head, who purred softly. Without taken off her clothes, Lily lay down onto the king-size bed, Oscar curled up beside her, she stared blurry-eyed into the darkness for a second, before she couldn’t hold it in any more and she let off a loud heart-retching howl. She gripped her hair in her two hands, and yelled into the air, cursing everybody who did her wrong and also cursing James for what he made her do.

“I fucking hate you James!” she screamed, her voice going hoarse, “I hate you! Why did you leave me! You bastard! I hate you and your egotistic head!” and she began to sob, “I-I hate you James,” she whispered, covering her face in her hands and crying... She was totally alone...

When Lily woke up she found that the sun was already high in the sky. She grabbed hold of her wand from the inside pocket, and gave it a small flick. The heavy-curtains closed over, shutting off the light of the sun, and she rolled over onto her stomach, not ever wanting to leave that bed...

Lily watched as the cool water fell from the tap and into the glass, her wedding ring on her finger glistened in the sun light. She had been by herself for five long and agonising days, with no sleep; anxiety attacks ten times a day and not one single shower, which resulted in her looking like she had been dragged through a rubbish kip- with greasy hair, dirty skin and a sick-looking tinge to her skin.

She turned off the tap, and turned around with the glass cupped in her hands.

Two knocks came from the front door, making Lily jump. She cautiously placed the glass onto the counter, not wanting to make her self known to the intruders, before walking around the table and peaking out to the front door. Two silhouettes were standing outside the front door. Lily slid onto her knees. She watched as the little head of Dotty walk towards.


The elf turned at the sound, and her eyes fell onto her master crouching behind the wall.

“What’s wrong Master Potter?” the elf squeaked. Lily shook her head, before whispering.

“Don’t answer it.”

The elf gently nodded her head before walking off muttering to her self.

The two husked and deep voices were coming from outside, and Lily watched as on bent over.

“Lily! Open the door! We know you’re in there!” screamed the voice of Sirius Black. Lily bit her bottom lip.

“Richard is worried about you.” Remus added.


A sudden urge came over her and without answering the door, she ran up the stairs to her bedroom.

She flung open the large wardrobe and without pausing to look at any of the clothing she started to pull them out and they scattered all over the bedroom floor. When all the clothes were littering the ground, she flicked her wand and levitated the bundle out into the hall and towards a window that looked out to the back of the house...

Lily stormed down the stairs, her heart racing with adrenaline while her ears were being filled with the shouts of Sirius and Lupin, but she continued her way to the back.
She pointed her wand at the clothing and muttered “Incedio” to sudden burst of flames shot out of her wand and towards the clothes, which caught fire.

Lily stood watching at the hungry flames slowly burnt away the fabrics, the grey smoke drifting upwards towards the sky.


She turned to see both Remus and Sirius come into view, there cheeks a rosy red from running. Lily gave them an evil smirk.

“What are you doing?” demanded Sirius with a low puff, holding his two sides with his hands.

“Doing something I should’ve done a long time ago!” Lily screamed, turning on her heel and heading back into the house.

As she turned on the kettle, she could hear the two men shout ‘Aqua Eructo’ in their attempts to put out the fire outside.

“Lily? Where’s Prongs?” Sirius asked walking in, his brow covered in sweat. Lily didn’t answer him, but held out the cup to him. He didn’t take it; instead he folds his arms across his chest.

“I want to know what the hell is going!!” he yelled. Lily placed his mug back down onto the counter and made her way over to the table.

“Lily?” Sirius asked sitting on the chair across the table from the shaggy looking woman, whose emerald green eyes met his. “Where’s James?” he asked slowly. The chair scrapping across the ground as Remus sat down.

“We haven’t seen either of you in almost a we-“

“He’s dead.” Lily stated flatly. She had no emotions left inside of her to show.

The silence that fell was deafening, but before either man could say anything, Lily continued to explain.

“I wrote a letter to him telling him I was moving with Richard. Well you know how James gets. He headed to Hogwarts where he bumped into a group of death eaters. He was hit with a curse, a piece of wood cracked his skull and dug into his brain. When he woke up in the hospital he didn’t know who I was, he didn’t know who Harry was, and knowing me- I hate to break promises, so I kept the promise we made while we were still in school. I had to put him out of his misery.”

Lily didn’t want to look up into their faces, she knew they would be filled with anger, hatred, despair, so she kept her eyes glued to the mug. The minutes that passed felt like days.

Sirius was the first to make a sound, by clearing his throat.

“Why didn’t you contact us?” Remus asked.

Lily shrugged her skinny shoulder “I didn’t want the hassle. I knew if you two knew you would try and persuade me not to do it. But I had to do it... I loved him too much not to.”
“Didn’t want the hassle?” Sirius asked, and for the first time ever his tone was bitter, making Lily look up at him, startled. “Oh don’t mind us, Lily!” he continued his eyes boring into hers; he abruptly stood up from the table “We’re fine not being told when our best mate is dead! When my brother is no longer more!” he yelled, his face turning a rich shade of red. With one clean sweep of his hand he sent the cup he was drinking from flying pass Lily and colliding with the wall, where it shattered into a million pieces. Lily looked up at him, a small part of her terrified at what he was going to do next. She could see the features of his face soften slightly but before she could know for sure, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, the front door banging as he left.

Lily and Remus sat in silence for a while.

“You can also leave me if you want.” She said sadly, Remus looked at her, his eyes etched with sadness.

“I was never the one to turn my back against my mates.” He said, taking Lily’s hand in his. Lily smiled.

“I’m sure he was happy...He had you by his bedside.” Lupin said, with a sad smile.
Lily smiled back, but no tears came into her eyes.

“I didn’t want him to go. But I had to.” She whispered and Remus nodded.

“I know.” He whispered, standing up and kissing Lily on the forehead.

“You were his world.” he whispered into her ear.

Lily sat at the table in the study, with a blank piece of parchment lying flat out in front of her. She didn’t feel like Lily anymore... She felt numb, unemotional, unattached to everything around her.

She picked up the quill, dipped it into the black ink and dangled the tip of it over the parchment for a second before she wrote. 'Lily’s List’, she smiled before with a couple of neat movements with her wrist she wrote the first two words....'Bellatrix Black'.

Lily Potter wanted revenge...

Chapter 22: Thorfinn Rowle
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Lily clutched the glass bottle tightly in her hand, her knuckles turning white. The liquid inside splashed around as she quickly made her way through the halls, stepping over Oscar as she came up to the door, she pushed open the wooden door to the study.

The glass clanged noisily as she settled it down onto the wooden table, the study was dimly lit with only a few candles flickering about in mid-air beside the bookshelves for light.

Lily took a gulp of the gin, the liquid stinging the back of her throat, before she flicked her wand and sat down onto the chair. There was a rustle from behind her; she gave another lazy flick with her hand. The door popped open and in floated a bundle of cloth. It floated towards her, as if by a soft breeze as it ruffled softly. It landed onto the table in front of Lily

She stood up and took the corner of the dark, silky cloth in her two hands, a small smile coming onto her lips. She stretched the cloth out and laid it flat on the table.

Diffindo,” he said softly, a small cut appearing in the dark fabric...

The silver light from the moon fell onto the dark alleyways and skinny streets of Diagon Alley. Yellow lights flickered lazily behind netted blinds, as the dark figure walked in the shadows. Its pale hands stood out in the darkness. 

The sound of loud chatter erupted the silent night, making the skinny figure fall back into the shadows and watch with held breath as the group of young boys and girls stumbled past where the figure was standing, chanting the ‘Falmouth Falcons’ motto “Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads” while skipping childishly and spilling their half-filled bottles of drink all over themselves and the pavement. When the group finally rounded the corner, the figure stood back out into the opening and walked swiftly on.  

The bell of the ‘Leaky Cauldron’ jingled softly as the door opened, none of the people inside the pub look up at the new visitor, as it walked up to the counter and slid onto one of the high-stools.

The fire which crackled merrily in the grate did not lift the shadows which hid the visitors face. Tom surveyed the person for a minute before stepping up.

“May I get you anything?” he asked, his eyes still filled with a small flicker of terror. The hood shook from side-to-side and Tom- without hesitation, backed away and went about cleaning the dusty, grim filled glasses without looking back up at the customer.

Lily looked around at the half-filled pub and her eyes landed on a large, hunched over form, which was half hidden behind an old, batty looking witch, the blonde head of Thorfinn Rowle came into view as he leaned back on his chair and smiled at the stone-faced woman who sat silently on the other side of the table. 

He turned around, and with a terrifying leap of Lily’s heart his eyes landed directly on her, her mind started racing, did he know who she was? Could he see through the shadows of her hood? But then his eyes moved over to where Tom stood and he indicated for another two drinks to be sent over. 

Lily watched silently as Tom nodded his head to show that he had seen him, and two glasses floated off the draining board and over to the silver tap sticking out of the end of the large wooden barrel and blood red liquid fell out and filled the two glasses up to the brim.

Tom settled the glasses onto the counter in front of Lily and turned his back to get hold of his wand. In one clean motion, Lily swept her hand over the top of the glasses, just before Tom turned back around. He set the top of the alcohol on fire before the glasses floated over to the round table where Rowle was sitting.

Lily slid off her chair and walked out of the pub, seeing from the corner of her eye as Rowle blew out the flame and took a great gulp, Lily smiled.

Lily sat on a bench, across the road from the pub. Watching as the people moved about inside. 

Time seemed to pass slowly as her bum became numb from the cold stone underneath her. A low cry of an animal cried in the distance, and a second later Lily perked up as the two forms of Rowle and his companion stood up from the table and began walking towards the door. Lily quickly stood up and back deeper into the shadows, they were mumbling and cursing to one another, Rowle’s chubby round face was a bright red and shining with sweat.

They walked down the road, Lily silently following them a few steps behind. “Alecto, you should have killed the whole lot of them! Filthy Mudblood lovers! ” he yelled, his words slurring together. Alecto didn’t answer him but silently just kept walking, her eyes staring straight ahead of her. They walked in silence, making it harder for Lily to stay unnoticed.  

“See you,” Alecto said coldly as they came to a fork in the road. She turned left and walked away, while Rowle turned to the right and walked silently on not noticing the dark figure gliding a few feet behind him. His steps became quicker as he had no companion to slow him down. He turned a corner, Lily closing the gap between the two of them.

Flickering lights broke the darkness as they came up to a grey cottage, green vines covering every inch of its front. 

Lily slowed down and stopped as Rowle opened the small squeaky gate and walked towards the door. Lily effortless jumped over the stone wall and pulled out the Marauders silver pocket-knife from her inside pocket, she caught the door just before it closed, and waited with her hand rested on its surface listening for the sound of movement from inside. Footsteps banged up the stairs and Lily slid inside and followed him upstairs. 

The strong smell of dampness came to Lily as she made her silent way up the steps to the second floor, pulling out her wand from her pocket.

She listened as Rowle hummed to himself as he pulled off his overcoat and dropped it onto the bed, placing his wand on the bedside table. He walked into the en-suit bathroom, before the door closed behind him Lily was already half-way cross the room and picked up his wand in her hand.

She sat down at the end of the bed, twisting the wand in between her fingers, while holding her wand securely in her hand. The sound of splashing water came from the bathroom. 

She stood up, dropping Rowle’s wand to the ground, pulling out a strip of silver rope and she walked towards the bathroom, putting her wand in her pocket. As she pushed the door open, Rowle was splashing water on his face, his top button of his shirt opened. Lily walked up behind him, seeing her dark cloaked figure in the large mirror.

Rowle looked up and quickly spurn around his eyes wide with shock. Lily grabbed the rope in her two hands and before the man could react she quickly moved forward…  

Chapter 23: The turning of Friends
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The cold water gurgled as it splashed in ripples across the bath-tub. Lily’s eyes skimmed the room, before she started to strip the long, dark cloak off. When she was free from the layers of material, her skin broke out into goose-bumps. She looked down at her bare hands and arms to see that they were covered in the dark shade of dried, crispy blood.

She stepped up to the bath, taken deep breaths as she placed her foot into the water, her breathing momentarily stopping as her foot went into the water. She didn’t think about it as she placed her other foot into the water. 

She let of a small moan, and closed her eyes in determination. As she slowly lowered the rest of her body into the icy water, her breath got caught at the back of her throat. She was putting herself through this, as she so badly needed to feel alive again. She concentrated on her breathing as her head and neck were the only parts of her body that were not emerged in the water. Her skin started to feel like it was burning up as it became numb with the coldness. 

Tears cascaded down her hollow cheeks as she watched the flakes of blood break away from her skin and turn the water a reddish-brown. The scene of what had happened kept running over-and-over in her mind, a constant reminder of what she had become.

The large heavy-built form fought against her as the rope tightened around his throat, small puffs of white smoke drifted up as Thorfinn’s skin turned to raw blisters, followed by the sickly smell of rotting flesh. If he could, he would have screamed in pure agony but by now his face had turned a deep shade of violet. This was taken too long. Lily slowly slid the marauder’s knife from her pocket...

With her hands shaking uncontrollably she grabbed hold of the bath scrubber from its holder beside the bath and started to attack her arms and anywhere she could reach with its hard bristles, she bit her teeth together so to stop them from rattling and so she wouldn’t bite off half her tongue, her skin started to turn a bright red from the brush. 

Her chest rose and fell rapidly, as she tried to catch her breath. She dropped the brush over the side of the bath where it let off a loud clang as it hit off the marble-covered floor. Her hands were now turning blue as she brushed back her still dry hair from her face. The unbearable silence of the house filled her ears. 

What happened to her? Last year she had a gorgeous son, a loving husband and the world was there for the taking. Now, she couldn’t see tomorrow, the minutes felt like hours, she was totally alone and covered in blood. 

With her eyes staring blankly ahead of her, she slowly slid her body down the bathtub; she closed her eyes just before her head sank underneath the icy-cold water, her hair auburn hair swimming freely around her as her tears mixed in with water and blood.

Lily pulled her housecoat around her, before sitting in a heap on the ground, pushing herself into one of the corners, staring at the white tub, which now had lines of red streaking across it where her hands had touched it. 

As she looked at the blood, her head seemed to clear and she looked around the bathroom as if a blindfold had been taken off from over her eyes.

She smiled to herself.

Lily watched as the small, silver spoon stirred the froth of her steaming latè. She heard Oscar meowed for attention in the kitchen behind her, but she didn’t turn to him. There was a rustling noise and Lily turned to see brown barn owl, steadying herself on the counter after just flying through the opened window. Her heart leapt up to her throat at the sight of her, but then the momentarily ecstasy at seeing the animal was snuffed out as she saw the rolled up Daily Prophet attached to its scaly leg.

Lily cupped the mug of latè in between her two hands before walking over to fetch the newspaper. The owl gave a soft welcoming hoot as Lily placed the mug on the counter beside her and untied the knot from around her leg. When she was free, she wobbled over to the sink and started to drink what water was caught around the plughole.

Lily held her mug in one of her hands as she flicked open the newspaper.

Death Eater found Dead.

Was written in large bold letters across the top of the page, with the smiling face of Thorfinn just underneath of it, his yellow teeth visible between his two parted lips and his round face seemed to have been doubled in size. Lily walked over to the table and sat down before she continued reading the article.

Thorfinn Rowle, a known Dark Lord supporter was found lying dead in his house situated in south-east London last night.  He was last seen walking home with Alecto Carrow down Patterson Lane at around half one in the early hours of this morning. Carrow and Rowle broke off from one another to make their different ways home, and that was the last time anyone saw the twenty-two year-old alive.

He was later found when Lucius Malfoy apparated to his small cottage and made his way through the front door when nobody answered, knowing full well that Mister Rowle would still be asleep in those early hours. He soon found the bloody form of the twenty two year-old up in his bathroom.

If you have any information about what happened please contact the Ministry straight away.

Lily rolled up the newspaper and threw it into the bin before making her way towards the sitting room.

She stared down at her silver wedding ring as it sparkled in the morning sunlight as she stepped over the threshold to the front room. She looked up, her heart leaping up to her throat, and her body violently shook.


The person sitting in the armchair turned from gazing at the half-filled wineglass in his hand, a small smile barely visible on his worn-looking face.

“Fr- Frank?” Lily stuttered, and watched as the man stood up from the chair showing off his lengthy height. His long fancy-looking auror cloak falling around his feet, he held his hat in one hand and the wineglass in the other.

“Lily,” he said, and he gave a small bow of the head.

Lily knew she should have felt happy at seeing her friend for the first time in months, but deep down she knew he wasn’t stopping to catch up on times gone past. This very thought made the hairs on Lily’s back stand up, sending shivers running down her spine.

“Sit.” Frank said pointing a hand towards one of the armchairs.

“It’s my house, aren’t I the one to give orders?” she asked, folding her arms in front of her. She was hoping that Frank would have taken it lightly, as he usually did, but this time he didn’t. His features darkened.

“Lily. You are not in the situation to get smart or cheeky with me.” He said his voice an angry rumble.   

Lily never heard Frank sound so menacing, and it frightened her to the point that she couldn’t find the words to answer him back. She just stared at him.

“Now, sit.” This time he said it more forcefully, and Lily, without taking her eyes off of him, quietly sat down onto the armchair.  

He walked over to the bottle of gin on the table at the side of the room, and poured out another glass.

“I was called over to look at that Death Eater that was murdered last night,” he said, with his back still turned to Lily, the gin splashing into the glass. Lily said nothing, her voice completely failing her. Frank turned to face her again, now with the two glasses in his hands.

He walked over, and handed out one of the glasses to Lily. Lily shook her head, staring up at him. He said nothing but placed the glass on the small table beside Lily.

“Just in case you need it,” he said, and he strolled over to the sofa, his cloak billowing out behind him. He sat down, just as Oscar jumped up on the cushion beside him. Frank smiled and rubbed the cat behind its ears.

Lily’s ears were filled with the loud rhythmic pounding of her heart, her stomach felt sick and her palms were getting sweaty.

Without looking towards her, still staring at the cat, Frank began to talk.

“It was bloody. Didn’t know you were capable of something so terrible,” he said, and smiled as Oscar purred softly. He turned to look at her, Lily was overcome by guilt she couldn’t look into his eyes, so turned to gazing at her knees. “You should have known not to use the knife, its spelled so it leaves traces behind. I was sure you would have remembered that.”

Lily looked up and opened her mouth to say something but she didn’t have a clue as to what.

“None of the Ministry idiots know. I wouldn’t sell my friend like that.” He said with a sad smile, Lily just looked blankly on.

“But if you have a conscience you would bring yourself in. I’m not going to drag you in kicking and screaming, but before I make tracks I want to know, why? Why did you do it Lily? The Lily I knew didn’t go around killing people, even if they were Death Eaters.”

Frank leaned forward in his chair, leaning his arms on his legs.

“I killed James.” Lily said staring off to the other side of the room, but she could still see the look of horror written across Frank’s face at this statement.


“I gave James a potion to put him to sleep.” Lily mentally cringed. This made her loving husband sound like an animal and not a human being.

The silence that followed was so thick you could have heard a cricket run across the floor.

“Why?” Frank asked, trying his best to keep his tone of voice the same as before.

“I promised him.” Lily said, hoping that Frank wouldn’t ask more questions, and he didn’t. He sat against the back of the sofa, his hand brushing through his short, brown hair. He sat in silence, until his eyes seem to sparkle with a conclusion.

“So, you’re going after all the Death Eaters in revenge?” he asked.

“I didn’t say it was me who killed Rowle! You’ve just presumed it!” Lily snapped in anger.

Frank forced a small laugh.

“Oh really?! Who else is out there to kill him?”

“Anybody who has a flippin’ grudge against him... And your darling wife!”

“My wife isn’t so emotionally unbalanced like you!”

“Oh so now your criticising my mental health!” Lily yelled.  

“Yea, so what if I am!” and without noticing it, both of them were on their feet, their hands reaching toward their wands.

“Get out of my house.” Lily said through gritted teeth. Frank looked like he was about to say something, Lily getting panicky as she knew full-well he could easily drag her into the Ministry and send her for a life-time stay in Azkaban.

“Don’t come crying to me when your behind bars.” Frank hissed, before turning on his heel and in the blink of an eye he was gone from the room.

Lily let go of the breath she was holding, her whole body shaking, she lowered herself back into the armchair and picked the glass of gin up in her hand. She drank it back in one.

The light sprinkling rain fell on the small doe’s brown fur as it hid in the bushes and undergrowth of the trees. Her small beady eyes looking unblinkingly at a rusted and unpainted front door of a house on the other side of the black, quiet road. There was a click, the doe’s head perked up, and as little sound as possible it stood up on all four hooves. The slightly, hunched over form of Peter Pettigrew walked out of the house, mumbling to himself as he reached the croaked gate, he swung it open, cursing at the rain as he pulled his hood over his head and continued to walk down the road.

Lily transformed back and quickly followed him, her steps making no sound on the wet pavement.

He turned the corner, Lily pulled out her wand from an inside pocket, and pointed it directly at Peter’s back. 

“Petrificus Totalus!” His body stiffened, as if invisible ropes were binding him, and he fell over frontwards, his body bouncing off the ground like a plank of wood. Lily walked up beside him and kicked him onto his back with her foot. His wide-opened eyes stared up at her in shock.  

She pulled down her hood, “Remember me?” she asked him, but she knew full-well that he could not answer her with the spell on him.

“Wingardium Leviosa,” she said. Peter rose up into the air- his body looking like it was made out of unbendable material.

She walked on down the road, with Peter floating inches above the ground in front of her. She rounded the corner and came onto a street which had an empty building site on one side and the park on the other. Her eyes landed on a navy BMW parked up against the curb.

She casually strolled up to it and gave her wand the smallest of flicks. There was a small click as the car doors popped open, and just before the alarm could wake up every house in a ten-mile radius, Lily gave another flick of her wand. She bundled Peter into the back while she clambered into the drivers’ seat.

She bent down so she could find the ignition in the darkness, and she pointed the tip of her wand inches away from it and whispered ‘electripudio’ making a small bolt of silver electricity jumped out from the tip of her wand and the car rumbled to life. She shifted it into gear, and as she turned the corner, she praised her father for teaching her how to drive when she was little.

She drove for a half an hour, at one stage she had a feeling that Peter had already died on the back seat, but when she pulled over and turned him around so that he was now looking up at the cream roof of the car, his eyes darted over to see her face. She gave him an evil smile.  

The car bounced as Lily slowly drove it over the grass, the head lights on full beam as she came up toward the edge. She parked it and climbed out, leaving the door wide open and the lights still on. 

She flung the backdoor open, grabbed hold of Peters cloak and pulled him out. He moaned slightly, his eyes lined with terrified tears.

Lily dragged his body over to the side of the cliff; she looked down as the dark waves smashed against the rocks, her hair and cloak whipped wildly around her in the cool breeze.

“You had this coming Peter!” she said, loud enough so that it could be heard over the whistling of the wind. “You picked the wrong side, I trusted you. I thought I saw something good in you. But you were a mistake from the beginning!”

Lily grabbed hold of his cloak again, and dragged him so that he was inches away from the edge; just a few strands of grass were before him. He now had tears rolling down his face.

Lily pushed him…

Chapter 24: Empty...
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The small, plump form fell in awkward twirls, missing the sharp rocks that stuck out from the edge by mere inches, before crashing silently into the dark waters.

Lily pressed her foot against the steel peddle with anger, the blue hand on the speedometer zoomed past eighty and the yellow street lamps outside, flashed past the windows in a blur.

There was an angry blow of a horn, and Lily jerked the steering-wheel to the right as an un-expecting car tried to come out onto the main road. She quickly gained control, and watched as a set of traffic lights ahead of her flashed auburn.

Lily pressed harder against the steel peddle, so that her foot was now flat on the floor. The engine roared and the force pushed her body against the chair, she shifted gear, just as she swerved around the slowing traffic, and there was another load of angry beeps as she broke the red lights. Everything went into slow motion as she was heading straight towards the side of a large lorry. The lorry-driver blew his massive horn, making vibrations run trough Lily’s body as the ground shook, and she flew passed the large back wheels of the vehicle.

She hand-braked down a side-street making the back-end of the car swing out behind her and just barely missing the side of a parked car.

She knew she was being followed, but by what she did not know. She skidded to a stop as the road came to a cul-de-sac. She unbuckled her seat belt and threw the door wide open.

As she stood up to her full height she looked quickly around at her surrounding to see that not a single soul could be seen. She left the door of the care open as she quietly walked to the opening of the cul-de-sac, with her heart beating heavily against her chest. She stood for a second, looking up and down the street, no noise could be heard. Before she took off again and was sprinting down the road leading left, the black cloak flapping madly behind her. Sweat started to appear on her skin, her breath escaping her lungs in white puffs in front of her face.   

She backed down a small lane, into the darkness of the shadows the walls were throwing over it, before she closed her eyes and twirled gracefully on the spot. Her mind thinking of nothing but home, she vanished.

As her feet hit off solid ground again, her knees buckled from underneath her, and she found herself, yet again in front of the fountain on all fours. She could feel a lump form at the back of her throat, but she gave a husky cough and stood back up, rubbing away the small cobble stones from her clothes, she wasn’t going to start crying, just not yet.

She swiftly made her way up the large flight of steps to the front door, and with one lazy flick of her wand, the door swung open and she stepped over the threshold. 


Lily turned to see the small form of Dotty trot out to her from the sitting room. “It’s a pleasure to see you again. Poor Dotty is very worried for miss. She not looking very good.” The little elf squeaked her blue curious round eyes gazing up at Lily.

Lily bent down “Dotty go and find Sirius Black, tell him I’m finally happy,” Lily forced a smile at the elf, who smiled back.

“Yes miss. Dotty will go and find Mister Black and tell him that Master Lily is happy,” and with that, the elf vanished with a faint ‘pop’. Lily rubbed her hands together and walked into the kitchen. She pulled open the door to one of the cupboards and started to pull out vial after vial of different coloured potions. When the top shelf was nearly empty, with only a single line of vials left at the back, Lily found the one she was looking. The black substance inside of it was tar-like and bubbling slightly. She grabbed hold of another vial from the floor before walking over to the counter.

She took two flasks and poured a measured amount of the tar-like potion into both of them, before securely screwing the top back onto one of the flasks, and pouring the rich purple potion she had gotten from the floor into the other one of them. She pocketed the one with the two potions in an inside pocket and left the other one sitting on the counter, before  turning on her heel to leave, when something caught her attention from the corner of her eye and she turned her head to look properly out of the kitchen window.

Coming from the large thick forest which spanned out across the back of the house, was a group of hooded figures. The middle one was the only one with its hood down, and the sharp, stone-like features were unmistakable, Frank Longbottom was coming for her arrest and for the first time in over a year Lily Evans was afraid, her blood ran cold and the hairs on the back of her neck began to stand up.

Without waiting any longer, she darted to the hallway, her feet skidding across the wooden floor as she came to a stop beside the large, open fireplace. She grabbed a fist-full of powder, the bowl slipping off the mantle, and smashing into pieces on the ground, sending the remainder of the powder scattering across the floor.

She stepped onto the brown embers, throwing the powder at her feet, she shouted. “Diagon Alley!” there was a jerk behind her naval, just as somebody shouted “Lily!” and she closed her eyes tightly as she was thrown into a twister of colour and wind.

She tripped slightly as she stepped into the pub, people turned to look at the new visitor. Lily glanced around the pub before pulling her hood over her head and heading out into the street. 

People bumped into one another all in their own little journey. Nobody was bothering to stop to talk to one another, just casual waves of their hands.

Paranoia got the better of Lily and she kept looking over her shoulder, to see if there was anyone following her that she looked like she had a consent twitch in her neck. She rounded a corner, out of prying eyes, and turned on the spot, thinking of Grimmauld Place.

Going to Diagon Alley was only a way to get the Auror’s off her trail. 

The branches of the tree rustled, as Lily landed beside its trunk. She leaned against it, as to get out of the glare of the yellow street lamp.

She doubled checked that the road was clear of any Muggle passer-bys before walking onto the path that ran through the park and walking casually out onto the street. As she came to the black road, she stopped walking, and stared at the plain brick wall between numbers eleven and thirteen, while silently praying that a group of Death Eaters were not already inside the house.

Lily watched as the two front doors of the houses began to slid apart from one another, there was a series of ‘clicks’ and ‘pops’ until the fully-formed number twelve was in place. Lily looked into the windows of the neighbouring houses, to see that the occupants were still going about their business as normal. She quickly made her way up the flight of steps, and placed her hand on the serpent-styled handle, there was another series of small clicks before the door swung open. Lily looked over her shoulder once more before stepping inside.

Small candles lined against the wall tried their best to light up the hall, but the corners still remained dark. The horrible stench of a rotting and sweetish smell met Lily, and she had a sudden urge to turn back and get far away from the place as she possibly could. But she didn’t move from the hall, she took in another deep breath, the smell wasn’t getting any better. 

Lily strained her ears to see if there was anybody already in the building, but the only sound was of the little patter of a mouse as it scurried across the marble. Lily closed the front door softly behind her, her surrounding completely vanishing for a split second as her eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness. When she could see properly again, her eyes landed on the heavy curtains hanging against the opposite wall, she already knew that behind them, was the portrait of Mrs. Black.

She made her way up the stairs, remembering to step over the large troll’s foot. She grimaced as she passed the number of elf heads sticking out from the wall. She was half way up the stairs, when one of the steps squeaked loudly under her weight. Lily froze, looking up at the floor above her, waiting for one of the Black’s faces to come over the banister, she twisted her wand around in her hand, getting ready for a sudden attack. After a minute, and no sign of any Black, she let go off her breath, jumped over the squeaky step and continued on her way up to the first floor.

This floor was remarkably less dirty than the one underneath. No dust could be seen on any of the surfaces and the ground looked like it had just been polished, as it glistened in the yellow candle light. Lily made her way into the dark drawing room, to find an ancient looking drawing desk rattling noisily in the corner. She walked around it, trying to keep as far away from it as possible, and that was when she spotted the glass jug sitting on the wooden cabinet at the side. She stepped up beside the cabinet and took out the small vial along with her wand from an inside pocket.

“Tergeo” she whispered, pointing her wand at the jug. The water already in the jug started to slowly swirl around in a circle, before it steadily rose up in an upside-down twister, and retreated into her wand.

A loud series of clicks drifted up to Lily, indicating that someone was at the front door.

Lily popped the top of the vial off, and quickly poured the contents into the jug, as the sound of footsteps could be heard trodden up the stairs, as she toppled a whole bottle of red wine on top of it. She yanked the invisibility cloak from a pocket and threw it over herself, just as the door to the drawing room was pushed open.

“It served them right, filthy Mudbloods!” Bella spat, to someone who was still out in the landing. “How dare they, they know better than to stand up against us!”

Lily backed slowly into the corner behind the armchairs, and she hunched over slightly so that the cloak covered her feet.

Bella threw her coat over the back of the chair, just as her companion, a tall skinny, dark haired man, stepped into the room.  He was handsome at first glance, but a menacing glint in his eye told Lily all she needed to know about him.

“You are totally right, Bella,” he said, his voice a deep rumble.  

Bella made a noise that sounded in between a choke and a snort.

“Rodolphus, I thought you would have known by now that I’m always right,” she said, an evil grin visible on her face.   

Rodolphus said nothing else, but settled himself down onto one of the armchairs. Bella strutted over to the jug of wine.

“Want a glass?” she asked coldly, indicating to the wine. Everything went into slow motion as Lily waited for Rodolphus’s answer.

“Yea,” was all the answer she received and Lily mentally cursed.  

Bella flicked her wand making the jug rise up into the air and pour the red wine into the two glasses. With another lazy flick, one of the glasses floated over to where Rodolphus was sitting, and it settled itself on the arm of the chair, just as Bella sat back down on the other armchair.

This wasn’t going as planned, if Bella drank now, Rodolphus would be there to save her and then she, Lily would be caught red-handed, and if Rodolphus drank first Bella would never drink hers and it was just a complete waste of Lily’s time.

Lily stared on as Bella kicked off her boots, but didn’t lose her snooty, upright composure on the chair.

“Did you see the look on the woman’s face when I tortured that man? Ha!” Bella laughed, and raised the glass up to her lips; Lily closed her eyes and prayed with everything she had that Bellatrix would not drink the liquid.

“But you let the two brats go!” barked Rodolphus, and Lily peaked out behind her eye-lids to see Bella’s hand with the glass slowly lower back down.

“I did not let them go!” she snapped, her eyes flaring with anger so she looked even more demented than she already was.

“Ah, so what? You where under a spell so that it was impossible for you to go after them?” Rodolphus asked lazily, leaning back against his chair.

“I was not going to chase two filthy little brats around England. I have better things to be doing with my time!” Bella screeched, but Rodolphus looked on, bored. 

“Like what?”

At this both questions, both of them placed their glasses down.

“You know what.” Bella hissed through gritted teeth. Rodolphus smiled.

“I can tell you now, Potter,” Bella gave him a confused look “Or Evans, or whatever the fuck you want to name her isn’t behind those murders... she’s too much of a bloody saint to do such things and she’s a Mudblood,” 

“Yea, but she’s still capable of them,” Bella snapped. Rodolphus chuckled. “Don’t laugh at me! Peter has just been announced dead, and he’s the one that betrayed the whole lot of them” Bella said, standing up to her full height, strands of her black hair falling from its bun.

“But why are you so worried? She’s a Mudblood; you can squash her like a bug.” Rodolphus said. Bella smiled down at him.

“You're right,”

Rodolphus took a deep breath and stood up from the chair.

“I’ve promised Lucius that I would help him with the Muggles,” he announced, fixing the sleeves of his cloak. Bella gave a single nod of her head.

He turned on his heel, without a single word or movement towards his wife and left the room in three lengthy strides. Bella stared at the space where he had disappeared from in silence, and was only shook out of her deep thinking, by the slamming of the front door. She coughed and turned back to the drink she had abandoned on the chair.

Lily watched with held breath as she picked it up and placed it against her lips, before gulping it down in one; she smacked her lips together in satisfaction. Lily pulled off the cloak, and stood up, Bella spurn around in shock, and opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

Lily watched on as her hands grasped at her bony throat, a raspy sound coming from her as she tried to breath.

“You deserve it! How is the loving master going to react when his darling Bella is dead!” shouted Lily, the anger boiling like venom inside of her. “Why the fuck did you kill my James?!” Lily screamed at the top of her voice.

Bella collapsed down onto her knees, her lips and around her eyes turning a dark purple. Her hands started to grasp desperately at the ground, her long nails scratching deep trail into the wooden floor and in seconds blood started to appear. She lifted her head up, the lines from the tears visible on her pale cheeks, as the red vibrant blood rolled out of her opened mouth.

“Didn’t know you were capable of crying Bella” Lily barked, and watched as Bella collapsed sideways onto the ground, blood covering the floor, her hands and her face. Lily walked up to her, so that she was looking directly down onto the woman.

Bella looked back at her and without speaking a single word they stared at each other, as Bella’s chest rose and fell for the last time. Her eyes glazed over and her head lolled to one side. Lily smirked in satisfaction before with one final glance around the room, she left the house...

When she got back to the Mansion, she made sure that there was nobody in the house, before strolling into the kitchen and picking up the vial from the counter, she walked quickly up the stairs and into the master bedroom, where she opened her wardrobe and pulled out the dust-covered bag that held the present she had received from Fudge, she pulled the small, plain brown box out and laid it on the bed. 

She opened the box to find the light pink, candyfloss-looking potion inside, she gently lifted it out, and with the two vials in her hands she walked into the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror, she pulled the corks off the two vials and poured the pink one in on top of the black one; she screwed the lid back on and left the empty vial on the counter beside the sink. She looked up at her reflection, she looked like the same Lily, but there was something about her eyes that was brand new, there was an evil sparkle lying deep in their olive green.


Lily nearly dropped the vial she was holding in fright.

“Lily, come out with your hands up!” it was the shouts of Frank.

Lily walked out of the bathroom and up to the window, to see that a line of Aurors; standing a few feet apart were circling the house.

“Fuck,” Lily cursed, and she tucked the vial underneath her right breast. She ran down the stairs to the fireplace, she brushed the powder up in her hands and was about to throw it into the heart when Frank’s voice shouted again.

“There’s no point in trying to Floo your way out, we’ve blocked your house from the network!”  

“Bastards” Lily mumbled to herself, and she stood with the powder slowly falling from her hand, her time was running out.

Her time was up; she had gone as far as she could go. It was time to give it all in.

The large front door popped open, and twenty wands were raised higher in anticipation. Everyone was silent, as the skinny frame of Lily Potter stepped out of the house.

Frank stood back from the ring of Aurors.

“Put your hands up!” ordered a huge, muscular man, as he advanced on her, along with a handful of other Aurors, they all their wands pointed directly at her. “GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!” he yelled.

Frank and Lily locked eye-contact and he watched as she slowly went down onto her knees, her hands still behind her head. Tears were now starting to brim her bright-green eyes.

Everything was a jumble of sound, as her wand flew away from her and into the hands of a stony-faced woman, as another Auror went behind her, took her two hands in one of his and tied them behind her back. Lily was then yanked up onto her two feet, her eyes staring blankly at the ground.      

“LET GO OF ME!!” Lily yelled struggling against the four Aurors who were trying to strap her into the seat, “Ahh!!” she yelled, her arm coming free from one of the Aurors grasps, and she swung at him, her nails scratching his cheek, but he was quickly on the mark and strapped her arm against the wooden arm.

All of a sudden, the energy was sucked out of her body and she went limp, the Aurors exchanged glances and they quickly strapped her in, before walking away.

Lily stared off into the distance, as the court room filled up.

“We are gathered here today-.” Lily turned to see the Minister, Cornelius Fudge sit behind the tall podium, Lily’s blood boiled, he was suppose to be a family friend and here he was about to convict her.   “-For the hearing of Lily Rose Potter. The date is the second of August.” 

Lily looked around the hall; most of the people gathered there looked down at her with pity in their eyes, and others looked on doubtful and afraid.

“Miss Potter did you or did you not kill Thorfinn Rowle on the thirty first of July?” Fudge asked, with not a single trace of friendliness in his voice.   

“He deserved it,” Lily chuckled, and the coldness of her own voice frightened Lily, this wasn’t her.

“Did you kill Peter Pettigrew? Whose body was found floating late last night. He was a good friend of your husbands, was he not?” Fudge asked, looking over his glasses at her.

Lily nodded her head once.

“And less than an hour ago. Miss Bellatrix Lestrange was found in her home... Tortured by the looks of things,”

Ok, if Lily was going to go down, she wasn’t going without a fight.

“That house wasn’t hers to begin with, that house belongs to Sirius... She killed James!” Lily said, and then whispered “She made me kill my husband.”

The look Fudge gave her, told Lily that he had already made up his mind about her faith.  

The silver light of the moon glistened through the small, bared window down on the form of Lily who sat in the dark corner, in a stripped jumper-suit. Her head leaned against the cold stones, as her ears were filled with the sound of screams and pleads from other inmates.

Her body felt cold and the heart-retching screams of her Harry filled her ears as the dark figure of a Dementor glide swiftly past her cell. Uncontrollable tears ran down her cheeks, and through fuzzy vision, she unzipped the jumper-suit and pulled out the small vial which the Aurors were unable to detect. Lily smiled and tried to make herself as comfortable as possible against the solid stone.

She pulled out a piece of glass, and settled it down on the ground beside her. She unscrewed the vial, looked up at the full moon, and lifted it up to it in a toast.

“Cheers,” she whispered, and drank the potion back in one.

Images flashed before her eyes- Harry running around giggling, James sprinting after a hysterical toddler on a miniature broomstick, Sirius and James sprawled out on the sofa, both dying from bad hangovers, James cuddling Lily and whispering ‘I Love You’ into her ear. Her and James twirling in circles in front of a fountain in a park as the multi-coloured Autumn leaves fell softly around them and then the last one was of her sitting on a bed, with a bundle of blanket in her arms and James sitting beside her.

“We did it.” he whispered, Lily just smiled.

“I’m sorry,” said the faraway sounding voice of Sirius Black.

Lily’s thin body fell limp against the wall, the gold locket still wrapped around her neck, but engraved on it was no longer ‘HP’ in place of it, was a sentence.   

‘Love is a fire that reigns in the heart’ 

There was a small puff of white smoke, as the two pictures inside of it vanished...  

Sirius Black currently sat alone on a park bench, the Marauder’s two-way mirror in his shaking hands.

“I’m sorry Lily, I’m sorry!” he kept shouting at it, hoping against hope that the other part of the mirror was with Lily, wherever she was.

Out of anger, Sirius stood up from the bench and flung the mirror half-way across the park, where it shattered into pieces as it bounced off the ground.

He would soon find out in the morning paper that she probably never received his pleas for forgiveness.

James stood as handsome as ever waiting for her, holding his son tightly in his arms. His face breaking out into a grin, Lily smiled back- she was where she belonged.

“Mama!” Harry screeched in delight. Lily took her son in her two hands. “I’m so sorry!” she cried, kissing his head as tears of delight rolled down her face. “I’ll never let you go. I’m always going to be here for you,” she sobbed.
James smiled, his facial features looking flawless in the strong, bright light of the place they were in, wherever that was.

“You kept your promise.”

Lily’s heart did a back-flip as he showed her his famous cocky smile.

“I love you,” he added and they embraced one another.  

Lily felt something hard against her chest, and she looked down to see the opened locket hanging beside her breast-bone. She picked it up in her hands, it was empty.

She smiled, she had everything her heart ever desired right there.  

Dedication- Ok, I have to say a big thank you to the awesome reviewers/readers/ and random people, who made this story what it is and kept me writing it. If it weren’t for you this story would of staid undone and probably only 10 chapters long. So thank you!! Give yourself a round of applause!!

I told myself that I would be delighted if it got over 100 reviews, and I’m still speechless to this day that it got over 300 reviews! So everyone who typed something into the box at the end of a chapter, even if it was only once.... take a bow. =D  

This story turned out completely different than the picture I had of it when I started out on it, 2 whole years ago, and I’m actually really sad that it has to come to an end. I enjoyed writing it, I wish it could have gone on a bit longer, but sadly the good things have to come to an end. Thank you, and hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.~ sarah louise [aka harrylilyjames]