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Mouth Shut by dim at best

Format: Song fic
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 2,096

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Mild Violence, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Drama, Angst
Characters: OtherCanon
Pairings: Other Pairing

First Published: 08/13/2006
Last Chapter: 08/20/2006
Last Updated: 08/20/2006


A reflection of Merope Gaunt's struggle to take Tom Riddle off the Love Potion and tell him the truth. Songfic to 'Mouth Shut' by The Veronicas

Chapter 1: Mouth Shut
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I kept my mouth shut from the start
I guess I left you in the dark
You thought you knew me but you don't
You say you'll love me but you wont
When you find out who I am

The potion’s mist swirled around her, making the air heavy with its highly sensual scent. She worked through the cloud, steadily and sure of her motions.

She’d brewed the potion many times before, and knew it off by heart. As she carefully added the final ingredients, she allowed the tears to fall.

Was this really what she wanted?

A love that was brewed? The knowledge that their entire relationship was fake, and that should he know the truth, he’d discard her with disgust?

With shaking hands, Merope added the newly brewed potion to her lover’s tea. She fixed a smile onto her face and forced herself to stop her crying.

It was all for the best – wasn’t it?

I kept my mouth shut for too long
All this time you got me wrong
Now we're in this way too far
I'm about to break your heart
Tear everything we had apart

She was in shock. How had this happened?

Well, of course she knew how it had happened, technically speaking, but how had she let things go so far?

Merope was pregnant.

She’d yet to tell Tom, but she knew what his response would be. He’d be overjoyed, kissing her, confessing his love for her and their baby.

But that would be the potion talking, not him.

She held her head between her hands in indecision.

What was she to do? He deserved to know the truth. There was now a third life in the mix, a baby. Would she be able to live with herself should someone else be exposed to this fake life?

'Cause I'm feeling lost
When I'm in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was holding on to you
I tried so hard
To be the one
I don't like who I've become

She wanted to tell him. The longing had just grown stronger with the knowledge of the child growing in her womb.

Yet, despite her desire to come clean, Merope found herself pouring the potion into his tea, day after day. Watching the effects take place with a sick sort of smile on her face, knowing exactly what the liquid would do to him.

She was disgusted with herself.

Why was she such a coward?

Because she loved him, that’s why. And because she knew, that without the potion, he wouldn’t love her back.

Merope looked at Tom, who sat in his favourite armchair by the fire, reading a Muggle newspaper. He looked so normal, but she knew better.

The glaze over his eyes betrayed him, and it Merope felt a mixture of satisfaction and guilt knowing that she had been the one to put it there.

He looked up, smiled. He beckoned her closer, and she came.

They kissed, a sweet romantic kiss, but a Merope’s mind screamed that this was wrong. All wrong.

Won't keep my mouth shut anymore
I've had my share of closing doors
Now I know I'm not afraid
I know exactly what you'll say
But I'm sorry it's too late

It was done.

Or rather, it hadn’t been done.

Merope watched carefully as Tom drank his tea. There was no potion in it today, no mind altering beverage to aid their love.

She was crying, knowing that this was for the best, yet hating herself for taking so long, being so selfish. He looked at her questioningly, but she simply fled the room, knowing that it was too soon for explanations.

The lack of today’s potion wouldn’t do anything drastic right away. If he continued to not drink any, the effects would gradually fade, and then she’d tell him the truth.

For now, she’d just cling on desperately to the remaining effects of the potion, and the memories they’d shared.

She held no disillusions about what would happen in the end. She hoped of course that because of all the time they’d spent together he had fallen in love with her for real, but Merope was not stupid.

He’d be angry at having been duped. Horrified at what the two of them had done. And ashamed of the child they had made together, under the pretenses of love.

She was sorry of course, sorry for ruining his life, sorry for manipulating him for so long, yet her sorrow only ran so deep.

She loved him. She loved their baby. Was what she had done so wrong? It was for love, after all.

Merope went back to Tom, noticed that his eyes were just a bit clearer.

He opened his arms for a hug, and she gratefully went into them, pushing back the thoughts that everything was just a sham.

'Cause I'm feeling lost
When I'm in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was holding on to you
I tried so hard
To be the one
I don't like who I've become

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
(I kept inside of me for all this time)
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
(Thought that I could make it work if I just tried)
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
(But I'm sorry to admit that I have lived a lie)

She was crying again. She seemed to be doing that a lot recently.

Her hand stroked her abdomen absently, as she remembered what had occurred between her and Tom.

The potion had finally worn off completely.

Over the past week its powers had been waning, allowing the true Tom to come through once in awhile, as well as his anger. But today, when she looked him in the eye, and saw the fury in his unglazed eyes, she knew that the potion had finally gone.

He began to yell. After all, the love potion had altered his feelings for her, not his memory.

He was beyond anger, beyond fury. His temper had reached new heights, and Merope was scared.

She let him rant and rave. He threw their possessions at the walls, breaking them and scaring her.

She was reminded of her childhood, of her father. She felt like a Squib, as if she’d become powerless yet again.
She explained to him as best she could. Saying between sobs that she’d done it all for love. Why couldn’t he see that?

Why didn’t he love her?

She’d told herself earlier that that this would happen. But her emotions overrode her logic, and the past began to blend with the present.

Tom was going to hit her, she knew it. He was angry enough, and had passed all rational thought ages ago.

Merope knew she could use wandless magic, could defend herself against any blow he tried, but she also knew that she wouldn’t.

She figured that she deserved Tom’s wrath.

But he didn’t hit her. Instead, he just looked at her, a mixture of disgust, contempt, and pity in his eyes.

A surge of hope rushed through Merope, once again killing logic, and for a second she remembered all the times they’d spent together and believed them to be real.

Without another word, Tom left their house, slamming the door behind him.

The truth came crashing down onto Merope, leaving her breathless and in tears. It wasn’t real. It was a lie, she had been living a lie, and even though she’d known it since the very beginning, it still hurt.

Merope wept on the floor, her sobs being the only sound within the house.

Her hand still stroked her stomach. The baby was all she had.

'Cause I'm feeling lost
When I'm in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was holding on to you
I tried so hard
To be the one
I don't like who I've become

I kept my mouth shut for too long
Now I know that it was wrong

She wasn’t dead, but she might as well have been.

She lived in poverty, only eating because if she didn’t, the baby would die.

Without Tom, she felt like nothing.

But she’d have his baby, Maybe he would come back once he knew that it was born. Maybe he’d love his child, and come to love her as well.

Maybe everything was going to work out.

Maybe, she was being a fool.

Merope looked at her surroundings, but her mind was too far gone to truly register them.

She hadn’t used magic ever since he’d left her. She blamed her magical talent as to why her life had turned out like this. The power, one that her father had convinced her she didn’t have, had corrupted her. Once she’d realized she could use magic to her every whim, things had gotten out of control. It was all the magic’s fault.

Merope shook her head, knowing that it hadn’t been the magic’s fault. It had been her fault. All her fault.

Tom didn’t love her because there was something wrong with her. Something messed up inside. And she couldn’t change it. No matter how much she’d tried, without the help of magic Tom just despised her.

The blame circulated in her tired and stressed mind, and unknowingly she let her self-disgust consume her.

She had been wrong to lie like that to Tom. She had been wrong to abuse her magical powers like that. She had been just as disgusting as Tom thought her to be.

It was all her fault.

I wish I told you from the start
That this was never meant to last
We should've never gone this far

The baby was coming, and Merope felt her strength weakening.

The healer encouraged her, held her hand.

It should have been Tom holding her hand.

Merope felt tears spring to her eyes, both from the pain and from the memories.

The birth had been requested to go the Muggle way, without magic, and although the healers were skeptical and strongly advised her to not go through with her decision, they obliged.

A baby’s fierce cry filled the air, and Merope panted from the exertion. The Healer who’d helped her quickly began to clean the babe up, and then held him out to her.

A boy. A baby boy.

Merope smiled, even as she knew that she wouldn’t be able to survive much longer. Her body had been weak when she’d given birth, and without the aid of magic, things had gone from bad to worse.

She cooed at the tiny baby, for he really was a tiny thing, and felt tears prick at the back of her eyes. She wanted to burst out in tears, but she knew that her body was too weak to handle it. Besides, the Healer was still watching. If she showed her frailty, she would surely be saved.

Merope smiled at her baby, a sad but genuine smile, and whispered his name.

Tom Marvolo Riddle.

It was a good name, in her opinion. Her baby boy was named for the men in her life whom she’d loved but hadn’t loved her back. Merope sniffed sadly, hoping that even with what she was about to do to her son, he would return her love in the end.

She looked up at the Healer, who wrote down the baby’s name. The Healer smiled, and then asked if Merope would give little Tom back for some standard testing.

She nodded, and closed her eyes.

Won't keep my mouth shut anymore

She didn’t know when the Healer left, or even if the Healer had. She didn’t know how much time elapsed, or if any time elapsed at all.

All she knew was that she was sorry.

Sorry for herself, sorry for what she’d done to Tom, and sorry about what she was about to do to their baby.

She knew she was being selfish, but, perhaps this was for the best.

Merope Gaunt felt unbelievably sad, but knew that soon, she would feel nothing at all.

Soon, she wouldn’t be able to cause any more pain, or suffering. Soon, she wouldn’t be able to do magic and ruin the lives of others. Soon, she wouldn’t have to deal with the constant swirl of emotions that pounded in her brain.

Soon, the lying, the deceit, the sorrow, the pain – it would all stop.

When the Healer returned, she was already gone.

A/N: As mentioned, the song is 'Mouth Shut' by The Veronicas. This was my first songfic and my first attempt at angst. Reviews are greatly appreciated!