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'A Book Mystery in Hogwarts' by OohTheDMlove

Format: One-shot
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,547

Rating: 12+
Warnings: Mild Language

Genres: Humor
Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape, Draco
Pairings: Other Pairing

First Published: 08/04/2006
Last Chapter: 08/19/2006
Last Updated: 08/19/2006

Very random. Harry Potter battles Dr. Seuss before Hermione dies in seven days. Draco has a rubber duckie. Michael Jackson..yeahh. Want to know why you should NOT read 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish'? Read and find out!!!

Chapter 1: The Book Mystery
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A/N: Some one asked for another funny story, so here it is. Hope you enjoy this one as much as my first. (Anyone who wants to make a banner, contact me plzzz???)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter or Dr. Seuss.

"Mr. Weasley, answer the question."

"What was the question again?"

"What is the only creature that can be harmed from the Olavegan Potion?"

"Michael Jackson?"

The class was laughing so hard they were falling out of their seats.

Thirty minutes later:

Snape sneered. "Incorrect. You Ronald, are the weakest link. Goodbye." Ron then disappeared. Hermione jumped up and went over to his seat searching for any clue as to where he might have disappeared to. After searching effortlessly she gave up and decided she liked Harry better anyways.

That night at dinner Harry walked into the Great Hall to see Hermione already there. "Hallo Hermione. Urgh are reading again? What book is it this time?"

"Oh, I just ordered it. It's called 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish'. It's a marvellous book."

"Oh I've heard of that book before." Shouted Neville, although he was sitting just 2 seats away. "Isn't that the one that kills you seven days after you read it?"

Lavender audibly gulped. "That's impossible. I read that book seven days ago and I'm still here." And at that right exact moment, exactly, the candles blew out and the Great Hall was in pitch darkness besides the flashes of lightening from the cloudy sky. One shriek sounded out from above everybody elses.

The lights went back on. Everyone looked in the direction that the shriek came from and saw Draco Malfoy curled up in a corner, sucking on his thumb, and crying his eyes out. Another shriek came from the Gryffindor table.

"I..I think she's dead!" said Ginny as she pointed at Lavender's body laying lifelessly on her chair. The room quickly looked over at her but turned their attention back to Draco. Lavenders dead. So what? Poor Draco is scared. Everyone started to comfort Draco while Dumbledore, Hermione, Harry, Neville, Ginny, Parvarti, Mcgonagol, Dean, Seamus, etc, rose to check on Lavender.

"What's that in her hand?" Hermione tried opening Lavenders hand, but her whole arm broke off. So she shrugged it off and kept trying. She took out a small crumpled piece of paper, opened it, and read it aloud.

"Dr. Seuss was here. (P.S. Hi mom!!!)"

The headmaster sighed. "You know what this means? Time to call in the professionals."

"Professor, who are the professionals?" Asked Harry.

"Well Harry, if you need help, with a killer book, who else are we going to call? Ghostbusters!"

A loud bang came from outside and everyone ran outside to see what is was, leaving poor Lavender behind.

A large truck was sitting in the courtyard outside. On the side of the truck were the letters -G-H-O- -T-B-U- -T-E-R- - in cheap bar lights.

"Ghotbuter? Whats that supposed to mean.? It's not even proper english. I mean seriously." Harry pushed his hand in front on Hermione's face so she'd shut up, and instead of pulling away she blushed slightly.

A man emerged from the truck. "Sorry bout that lil lady. The S's never wanna stay lit up. Damn S's. Anyways, here Professor Dumbledore, I have the scone you wanted."

"Scone?" Harry asked Dumbledore. "Isn't he supposed to help us with our little problem?"

"Oh, uh no. The Ghostbusters are my personal food delivery service. Why would I fix the book problem? Why do I always have to everything? I'm only the headmaster. Gosh!" Dumbledore walked away humming 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'.

After the students went back inside and finished their dinner, Hermione invited everyone she knew (which wasn't that many people) for a meeting in the Gryffindor common room.

"Alright now. Is everybody here? Good. Now, I am too young to die. I refuse to die in seven days so I need your help to track down this Dr. Seuss guy and destroy him. Who's with me?" The whole room was empty, except for Harry, who raised his hand.

"Do we get cool t-shirts?"


"Well if this is going to be offical then I think we should have matching t-shirts."

"No Harry, no. Look, if you help me i'll give you a cookie."

"Good enough. So what's the plan?"

"Um, I didn't think of one yet."

"Hermione! You can't defeat someone unless you have a plan. How do you think I defeat Voldemort all the time? I have to plan my moves. Too bad Ron isn't here. He's good at it. Especially planning picnics by the lake...."

"Ok. How about...we explore the castle and look for clues?" Hermione might be good at organizing things, but terrible at planning, if you haven't noticed already. Harry nodded.

"I know the perfect person to help...."

Two Seconds Later: Slytherin Common Room


"Aww, why not Draco?" Harry pleaded.

"Cause, I don't care if the Mudblood dies or not. I don't care about her."

"If you don't do it, I'll tell the whole school your secret."

"You wouldn't."

"Of course I would. HEY!! All the Slytherins in the room pay attention. I've got to tell you-"

"Fine. Fine I'll do it. Follow me and don't lag behind."

On the way out, Hermione asked Harry what Draco's Secret was. "Draco bathes with a pink duck made out of cheese. And he sings to it."

The three of them walked up to the same floor the Gryffindor common room was on. Draco walked past the portrait of the fat lady who was now not permitting entrance to Neville Longbottom. Two portraits down Draco stopped.

"Ok what now?" harry asked.

"We're here."

He pointed to his right and there was a door with a big yellow sign that said "Dr. Seuss' Headquarters".

Hermione nevously laughed. "Oh. How convenient."

Slowly, Hemione, Harry, and Draco entered the room.

"Haha, Dr. Seuss lives in a pink room." Harry laughed.

"Yes, I do Mr. Potter." The three of them turned around, and there stood The Cat in The Hat.

Draco was a bit confused. "You're not Dr. Seuss, you're the the Hat."

"YES I AM Dr. Seuss. Don't tell me what I am or am not. I am also the tooth fairy. Bet you wouldn't believe that either!!" He turned around and there was his fairy wings.

"Ok. Now I'm even more confused."

The cat walked up to Hermione. "Hello girlie. What are you doing here? I'm not supposed to see you for another, six and a half days is it?" He slowly pulled out a sling-shot from behind his back and started slinging dentures at Harry, who tried to open the door to leave. "Now that you're here, you can't leave. You have to stay here for eternity and be my slaves!" 'Dr. Seuss' turned around quickly and Draco snickered. He poked Harry on the arm, whispered something in his ear, and then Harry did the same to Hermione who also laughed out loud.

Dr. Seuss turned around. "What's so funny? Huh?? HUHHHH??? I don't see anything funny in here." He turned back around.

Harry ran behind him and looked at his hairy back. There was a coin slot and a sign that said OFF. "Pssst. PSSSSt. Hermione do you have a quarter?"

"Will two dimes and a nickle work?"

"Uh, no Hermione. God, your stupid. DRACO!! Psssst. Do you have a quarter? OUCH! You didn't have to throw it at me!! Arghh.. My eye hurts. I hate you. Go away. Why are you here? You smell weird."

"Just put the effin thing in the slot will ya?"

"Ok" Harry put the coin in the slot and a little ding was heard before the Cat in the Hat suit fell and revealed Ron Weasely.

::Gasp:: "Ronald?" Hermione was indeedly shocked. "What are you doing?"

"Uhh...roleplaying?" Draco whistled and Dumbledore came into the room to take Ron away.

"Nice try, Weasley."

"Yeah, I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids..and Draco. I'LL BE BACK!!" Dumbledore took him away and the kids walked out of the room and stopped in front of the Gryffindor common room.

Hemione sighed. "So I guess we're going back to the way were then, right?"

"Not exactly." said Draco.

Harry, Your love is magical, that's how I feel
But I have not the words here to explain
Gone is the grace for expressions of passion
But there are worlds and worlds of ways to explain
To tell you how I feel Harry,

He then jumped on top of Harry and started snogging him senseless.

"Hokay then. Didn't expect that one to happen, or did I??" dun dun DUN DUNNN

Six and a Half Days Later

Hermione died anyways from a freak bludger attack so it wouldn't have really mattered if they caught Ron or not. Draco and Harry adopted. Then...

Snape jumped out from the professors table dressed as Spider-Man, "I'm too sexy for Cat in the Hat."

A/N: This was again, a story created at a random mood, time, place, etc. hope you laughed...i did lol reviews lyric from michael jaskson who i dont really have anything against..just thought it would be funny to add him into the beginning