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Mommy Draco by JessieJay

Format: Novella
Chapters: 4
Word Count: 3,070
Status: WIP

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language

Genres: Action, Humor, General, Fluff, Crossover, Drama
Characters: Draco, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, OC, Ron, Narcissa, Luna, Lucius, Pansy

First Published: 11/15/2005
Last Chapter: 05/06/2006
Last Updated: 05/06/2006

Draco Malfoy is an ex death eater and a top auror. Of course, if you were to ask him, he could do anything. Even take care of two toddlers and a baby while his wife is away. “Draco, promise me you can do this? I mean, if you need me here, just say the word.” Draco smirked, “I’ve got everything under control, ok? Now, just tell me, what is a diaper?” “DRACO!” “Joking.” Though Draco was thinking, ‘What IS a diaper? I don’t think kids need one, at least I hope not. I think it’s that toy in that…crib thing…’

Chapter 1: "What's a Diaper?"
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Disclaimer: I own none of the cahracters that sound familiar. Duh.
A/N: I'm probably not the only one who's made a story like this, but who cares!

Draco Malfoy: Ex- Death Eater and one of the Ministry of Magic’s top aurors. Yeah, of course, there was Harry Potter who was THE top auror, only because he ended up defeating You-Know-Who and then all the reindeer loved him. Draco’s wife, Brigitte, was also an ex death eater. They met when they both fled to the ministry.

It was about five years after the final war. As always, bad guys finished last. Every death eater who hadn’t fled to the ministry before the war, like Draco and Brigitte, were rotting in Azkaban. Lord Moldyshorts (as kids now called him) was dead. Draco had even pulled a Crouch and got his dad locked up…again.

Mostly everybody started to settle down. Even Draco and Brigitte had three kids. There were two 3-year-old twins girls, Emily and Chelsea, and one baby, who was not even one, Trevor. Having twins was probably the thing Draco feared. He pitied himself when he couldn’t figure out which twin was Emily and which twin was Chelsea.

So imagine Draco’s utter fear when Brigitte announced that she’d have to go to the states for two weeks. Brigitte was now chief editor of Witch Weekly, and there was a story in America that they wanted. Knowing Draco, he made look like he could do it, even though he really had no clue how to change a diaper, let alone what a diaper even was!

“Ok, Draco, I’ll only be gone for one week. Now, Emily hates chocolate and Chelsea seems to like to sneak chocolate in Emily’s food. Please watch for that, I don’t want any hair ripped out. And, don’t let those girls fool you, even though it’s the summer I still want them in bed by 9:30 at the most. Now Trevor can be a fussy eater, he only likes certain foods, which you can figure out by what we’ve got. Whatever he doesn’t eat, he throws on the floor, the walls, everywhere, so only give him the exact amount of food he needs.”

Draco interrupted, “Which would be…”


“Joking, joking…” Though he really had no clue how much to feed Trevor.

“Also, there’s a little stray cat walking around, please don’t let them touch it. It could have rabies for all we know-“

“Brigitte, love, don’t worry! I got the kids their rabies shots the moment they were born!” Draco laughed a little, but stopped at the look on Brigitte’s face.

“Draco, promise me you can do this. I mean, if you need me here, just say the word.”

Draco smirked, “I’ve got everything under control, ok? Now just tell me, what is a diaper?”


“Joking.” Though Draco was thinking as Brigitte said good bye to the kids, ‘What the bloody hell is a diaper? Do Emily and Chelsea wear one? No I don’t think so. Does Trevor wear one? Is that what that dung sack is? No, I don’t think kids need one, at least I hope not. Brigitte didn’t say anything about diapers, so it’s probably not mandatory. But what is it? Maybe it’s that toy thing in that…crib thing…’

“Ok, well, I’m off then.” Brigitte said uncertainly.

Draco gave her a reassuring smile and kissed her good bye, only to get a few Ews from Emily and Chelsea.

Brigitte looked at them and said, “Behave,” before disapparating out.

“Ew! Trevor farted!” Chelsea groaned while plugging her nose.

Draco looked a little worried, “What does that mean?”

Emily laughed, “He needs a diaper change!”


A/N: Like it so far? Here's what's coming up.

"You need any help?"
"No! I can change my own son's diaper!"
"Well excuse me Help Nazi! If you're gonna keep yelling at me I'm outta here!"
"I don't need anyone's help! These are my kids!
*a bit later*
"Hey mom, could come over?"

Chapter 2: The Worst 5 Words
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Disclaimer: I own nothing that looks familiar. Duh!

“Ok, Trevor, be a good boy for Daddy and-“ Draco stopped his mumbling when he opened Trevor’s diaper, and found…well, fill in the blank.

Draco grabbed another “dung sack” as he called them, but soon realized he had no idea what to do.

“Excuse me?”

Draco turned to the doorway of the bathroom and saw a girl with honey brown hair tied in a ponytail who looked no older than 14.

“I’m the babysitter, Alyssa, Chelsea called me, told me you needed some help.”

Draco turned back to Trevor, “I’m fine.” He grabbed a trash bag Alyssa stood still in the doorway, clearly amused. “Hey, uh, Melissa, hand me some of that...sticky paper stuff.” Alyssa raised an eyebrow, “Tape?” Draco just nodded as she handed him the tape while saying, “And it’s Alyssa, not Melissa.”

Draco managed to get the diaper onto Trevor, then used the tape to make a belt kind of thing. “There we go.” Alyssa shook her head, “Have you ever even changed a diaper?” “What the bloody hell is a diaper?” Alyssa tried her best not to laugh, “That crap sack is a diaper.” Draco suddenly felt very stupid. “Hey, do you want me to feed him? Brigitte taught me how to give him the right amount of stuff and all.” Draco merely nodded as Alyssa took Trevor to the kitchen.


A little blonde girl came running up to Draco, presenting to him a finger-painted picture. Draco gulped, completely forget if this girl was Emily or Chelsea.

“That’s beautiful, Chelsea.”

The girl’s eyes started watering, “I’m Emily!”

‘Gah! Way to, Malfoy, you can’t tell your daughters apart!’ Draco tried to apologize, but Emily had already run up to her room, a bit more mad then sad at the moment.

Another little blonde girl, this one definitely being Chelsea, came running up to him, also with a finger painted picture. “Daddy! Guess what this is!”

She handed Draco the picture, and he had no clue what it was. Handing it back to her, he said, “That’s a beautiful owl, sweetheart.” Chelsea gave him that same look Emily did, “It’s not an owl!” Her eyes started watering and Draco said, “I’m sorry, it’s…a mermaid?”

“It’s a duck.” Draco looked to the doorway and saw Alyssa standing there, again amused.
Chelsea nodded. Draco kneeled down so he was level with her, “Daddy’s sorry, love.” Chelsea seemed to think about this, “Ok. I forgive you daddy, but can you answer a question?” Draco nodded, glad Chelsea wasn’t crying, but his smile fell when he heard those five horrible words.

“Where do babies come from?”

Alyssa snorted, then covered her mouth and walked back to the kitchen.

Draco looked back at Chelsea, with a rather fake smile, “…the answer’s quite easy…but ah…any other questions?”
Chelsea nodded, “When mommies’ tummies get big before they have babies, is that because a baby’s growing inside of them?”
Draco really didn’t want to tell her the truth about that, because then that would lead into how a baby gets inside the mother, “No, no that’s not a baby.”
“Then what is it?”
Chelsea giggled, “Why do they have so much gas?”
“Because they eat a lot.”
“Did mommy get really fat before I was born?”
“No, you’re mum was beautiful.”
“But can’t fat people also be beautiful?”
“…your mum just didn’t get fat.”
“She ate her vegetables.” Draco wasn’t sure where this was going.
“Will I get fat before I have a baby?”
“You’re never having a baby?”
Chelsea narrowed her eyes, “Why?”
“You’re too young.”
“I won’t be young forever!”
“So how old to I have to be before I can have a baby?”
“That’s old!”
Draco smiled, “Exactly.”
“Well, you still didn’t answer my question.”
Draco held his breath as Chelsea asked THE question:
“Where do babies come from?”

A/n: Soo review and I'll give you a cookie!

Chapter 3: Day 1: Failed
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Disclaimer: If it looks familiar, i don't own it. Duh.
Chelsea asked the question again, “Where do babies come from?”
Draco grimaced, “Well, ok… first, a mum and a dad decide they want a baby, and…the dad goes to a store and…buys a diamond, er, necklace…he then wraps it up in a box…and gives it to the mum, and she wears the necklace for a few months, and she gets a big appetite and eats a lot… which gives her the gas…”
He looked up at Chelsea when he heard her giggle at the gas part. He really hoped she was buying this.
“Then, after a few months, the diamond…turns into a baby. Yeah, that’s where babies come from.”
Chelsea giggled smiled, “Cool! But, how does the diamond turn into a baby?”

Draco again had to lie, “Magic.”
Chelsea smiled again and ran up stairs, apparently wanting to tell Emily the same thing.
Draco let out a breath, thankful that Chelsea bought into that story.

He walked into the kitchen, only to see Alyssa chugging down pumpkin juice straight from the pitcher.

Draco smirked, “You know that’s why they make cups.”
He apparently shocked Alyssa, because when he started talking, she dumped the whole thing of pumpkin juice all over herself and the floor. “Y-you had no clean cups.”
Draco opened the door, “You can leave now.”
Alyssa just looked at him, then walked out of the door. Draco looked at Trevor, who was in his high chair, no food in front of him.
Chelsea came running downstairs, “Yeah daddy?”
“Did the ‘babysitter’ feed Trevor?”
Chelsea shook her head no.
Draco sighed, “Bloody brilliant of her then.” He started to walk to the pantry, but ended up slipping in the spilled pumpkin juice. “Damn it!”

Chelsea and Emily roared with laughter. Emily managed to say, “Ooooh you swore! That’s a sickle in the swear jar!”

Draco groaned, “Whose stupid idea was that?”
Both girls chimed in at the same time, “Mommy’s!”
Draco stood up, and with a flick of his wand mopped up the pumpkin juice. Knowing that the girls had no clue how Brigitte normally fed Trevor, he just decided to feed him his own way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A Bit Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Trevor no!” Draco ducked as Trevor sent peas flying his way. Emily screamed as she held up a plate as a shield, eventually dropping it.

Chelsea squealed as Trevor squirted his milk at her. “Trevor!!” She tried to take the bottle, only to make Trevor scream. Draco stood upright, nasty, soupy baby food was caked into his hair. Broken dishes were everywhere, thanks to the girls who used them as shields against the flying food. Chelsea was trying to squeeze the mil out of her hair. Emily climbed up on the counter.

“Emily! No!” Draco started to walk towards (who he hoped was) Emily, but slipped in some of the baby food. Emily peered down from the high counter top, only to slip herself.

Draco caught her and set her aside as he pulled himself to a standing position. “Did your mother ever have to deal with this?” He yelled over Trevor and Chelsea’s screaming.

Emily shook her head, “Mommy knew how to feed Trevor!”
“Why didn’t you tell me I was doing it wrong?”
Emily shrugged, “You didn’t ask!”
“Yes I did!”
“No! You didn’t ask us, you asked yourself like those mental people do!”
“You could have told me either way!”
“Nuh- uh! You said never to answer a question unless asked a question!”
Draco groaned, “Well I lied!”
Emily gasped, “You’re a liar? Well what else have you been lying to me about?”
Draco groaned again, “Nothing!”
“If I cross my eyes will they really stay that way?”
“Well, no but-“
“And is it true that if I don’t go to bed at the same time each night, an hour is taken away from my life?”
“No, but that’s not the point-“
“And does Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the Sand Man, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen really exist?”
Draco paused, “Um…”
Emily finally asked, “And where do babies really come from?”
Draco shouted, “That’s enough!” Though it was a bit louder than he expected, because both Emily and Trevor also stopped.
He knew these looks. He knew this silence. He knew he should probably get out.
All three kids started crying at once.
Draco whimpered, “Uhg, I did not mean that, I-“
Again, he slipped in the baby food, that happened to be everywhere now.
The crying instantly turned into laughter.

The telephone rang, and Chelsea skipped over to answer, “Hello?… Hi Mommy!…Yes…do you wanna talk to daddy?…ok.” She handed the phone to Draco.
“Hey Drake, how’re things holding up there?”
“Great, great. We’re great here, just fed Trevor, and successfully changed his diaper.”
He could tell that Brigitte was happy, “Well that’s great! I’m so glad you can handle this. So it would be ok if I’m gone an extra week?” exerpt
“What?!” Draco had been leaning on the sink, and as he did, he turned the water on. His whole arm had gotten soaked as he scrambled to turn it back off. Emily and Chelsea were giggling at the sight. “Another week?”
“Yeah, is that ok?”
Draco coughed, “Yeah, yeah it’s fine!”
Brigitte again sounded a bit happier, “Great. Thanks again. Well I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later ok?”
“Alright.” Draco hung up, than sank in a chair.
What would these two weeks end up being?
A/N: The first person to review gets two cookies.
The second to review gets one cookie
The third person and beyond to review gets half a cookie

Chapter 4: Where Babies Really Come From
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Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the children...dur

After cleaning up the kitchen, Draco flopped onto the couch of his study. He was about to go to sleep when Emily climbed onto his back.

“Silly daddy! It’s not bed time!”
Draco groaned, “It is for me.”
There was a slight pause, “Why?”
“Because I’m tired.”
“Because I just had to clean the whole kitchen and attempt to feed Trevor.”
“You know, I think you should be off to bed as well.”
“I’m not tired.”
“Yes, well, your old dad is tired.”
Draco groaned again and placed Emily onto the chair next to him, “Ok, Chelsea, I-“
Emily shook her head, “Daddy, I’m Emily, say it with me: Emily. EEEEEEMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY. Honestly, daddy, I think you’re getting that Old Timers disease that grandpa got!” She flipped her hair and bounced out of the study, leaving Draco to wonder whether or not he was really that old.

“Help! Daddy!” Draco jumped up, hitting his head on the wall lamp and ran up the stairs to where one of the girls was calling. He found both of the girls in the bathroom, sitting in the sink clinging to each other. Trevor was sitting on the counter next to them, food still all over his face. “Girls! What is it?” Draco ask, rather panicked. One of the twins pointed to the ground.

Draco was still confused, “What is it I’m looking for?”
The girls yelled, “Spider!” Trevor started crying.
Draco noticed the tiny little speck on the white rug, and stepped on it. Before he knew it, the girls jumped on him, thanking him for ‘saving their lives.’ Lucky for him, Trevor had stopped crying and was just bouncing on the counter. Draco noticed the girls acting extremely hyper as well. He sighed, this would be a long night tied in with a long day.

~~~~~~~A Few Hours Later~~~~~~~~
Draco was now chasing a very mad Emily. “Emmy, love, I’m sorry!” She stuck her nose way in the air and huffed, “You’re a liar! And I want to know where babies really come from! So does Chelsea!”

Draco grasped his hair, almost pulling it out, “I already told her!” Emily groaned dramatically, “Yes, but you lied!” On the couch, Trevor said something in baby gibberish, which Draco took as agreeing with Emily. Chelsea came running next to her, “Daddy! I want another story!” Emily said, “Well Daddy’s gonna tell us where babies really come from!” Chelsea looked confused, “I told you what he told me!” “He lied!”

Chelsea looked up at Draco with the twins’ infamous doe eyes and said, “Daddy…”

Draco finally yelled, “Ok! If you really want to know where babies come from, sit down, be quiet, and listen!” The twins happily sat on the couch next to Trevor, eagerly waiting for the ‘true’ story.

Draco sighed, and began, “So, when mums and dads really like each other…”

~~~~~A Few Minutes Later~~~~~
Draco sighed, “Yes, Emily?”
Emily started the round of questions, “So mums and daddies have to really like each other….”
Draco nodded, “Yes.”
Chelsea asked the second question, “And they gotta decide that they want a baby….”
Draco nodded.
Emily again took her turn, “Then they send an owl to the Spork-“
Draco nodded, “Stork, love.”
Chelsea continued, “And the stork gets their letter…”
“And it takes a magic cabbage from the Cabbage Patch…”
“And puts it in a basket…”
“And takes it to the mommy…”
“And the mommy eats some of the cabbage once a month and gets a lot of gas that makes her tummy big…”
“And nine months later, after the cabbage is gone, Mr. Stork drops off a baby at the hospital…”
“And the parents go and pick it up…”
“And take it home!” Emily finished.

Draco nodded again, hoping they’d take this and he wouldn’t screw up again, and have to make up another “Where Do Babies Come From?” story.

Chelsea looked a bit confused, “So if I send a letter to Mr. Stork, and eat a cabbage, I’ll have a baby?”
Draco smirked at her, “No, I told you, you have to be 47.”
Emily laughed, “You and mommy weren’t 47 silly!”
Draco tickled her lightly, “Only you two have to be 47 to have a baby! Now, it’s 9:37, so off to bed with you both!” They groaned in protest.

Draco sighed, “I’ll tell you what, tomorrow morning, we’ll all take a trip to Diagon Alley. How does that sound?” The girls were suddenly very eager to get to bed, now all Draco had to worry about was Trevor…

Yeah, it’s been a while, and I’m not gonna blame it on being too busy…I’m just gonna blame it on being too lazy. Reviewers get a pack of cookies!