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The Race For A Lot of Money by Cuse

Format: Short story
Chapters: 8
Word Count: 9,228

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Substance Use or Abuse

Genres: Action, Humor, Crossover
Characters: Ginny, Harry, Hermione, OC, Remus Lupin, Ron, Sirius Black, Snape, Voldemort, Fred/George

First Published: 10/25/2005
Last Chapter: 01/24/2006
Last Updated: 01/24/2006


100 million galleons. 10 contestants. 1 winner. Harry and others compete for 100 million galleons. The wonderful banner made by casually_a_weasley.

Chapter 1: The Gold Coin
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Well I wake up in the morning each and every day
And I sit down at the table and I hear my daddy say

Life is nothing
It's a nothing
Life is nothing but a slap in the face
Life is nothing
It's a nothing
Life is nothing but a fat rat race

ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah
ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah

Every night I have a dream that you're taking off your dress
The only thing you're wearing is a button on your chest

And the button, it says nothing,
Life is nothing but a slap in the face

Life is nothing
It's a nothing
Life is nothing but a fat rat race

What is life?
What is life?

A rat race
A rat race

What is life?
What is life?

A rat race
A rat race
A rat race
A rat rat race

ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah
ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah

It's a jungle out there and I know I don't belong
So all night long I just sing my stupid song

ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah
ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah

Life is nothing
It's a nothing
Life is nothing but a slap in the face
Life is nothing
It's a nothing
Life is nothing but a fat rat race

What is life?

A rat race

What is life?

A rat race
A rat, a rat race
A rat race

ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah
ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah

ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah
ooh yeah yeah, ooh yeah yeah

-Baha Men (Rat Race)

School was over. Harry Potter and his friends had endured 7 long years at Hogwarts and were now celebrating their graduation at ‘The Wizard Casino’. All the Weasleys, Grangers, and Order of Phoenix were there. Everyone was gambling except one person.

“Come on Hermione, why won’t you gamble?” Ron asked Hermione.

“Because people waste away gambling all of their money,” Hermione replied sharply.

“It’s just for fun,” Harry tried to convince her.

“Fun? You call losing all your money and having to live on the streets fun?” Hermione said bitterly. “I mean,” Hermione continued, “look at Lupin. The second he set foot in here, he ran straight to the poker table.”

“So, he’s just enjoying himself,” Harry said.

“He lost all his money on three hands!” Hermione pointed out.

“Well, he’s just a bad gambler,” Ron said as Hermione turned to walk away. “where are you going?”

“I’m going to get a drink,” Hermione said over her shoulder as she walked away.

“Hey Ron, want to play slots?” Harry asked. Ron responded with a nod.

Hermione sat at a table watching people gamble. She sighed. Should she just try to gamble just once? Hermione grunted as she took out a coin and walked over to the closest slot machine. She slowly put the coin in and then pulled down the trigger. She watched as the dials spun. One stopped on a wand. She continued to watch as the other dial stopped on a wand. Hermione held her breath. Could she win on her first try? The last dial seemed to take forever to stop. It slowed down. Hermione watched, scared of the outcome. It hit wand, then flipped to a picture of Rita Skeeter. “God damn you Rita Skeeter,” Hermione mumbled. She won 5 coins, but one particular coin caught her eye. It was golden and it had tiny words on it. “That’s why people waste their money on you,” Hermione told the machine, “… always think that the next time will be lucky.”

“Ok Fred, this time, where are going to be lucky!” George told his twin brother Fred.

“Okay, lets see if your prediction is right this time,” Fred said putting the coin in. The dials spun, but it didn’t hit jackpot. “Your unlucky George, get the hell away from me,” Fred told George half jokingly. George smiled weakly.

“But you at least did win something,” George pointed out, “this time though Fred,” George started as Fred picked up a golden coin, “this time is the absolute luckiest time. What’s that you got there?” George moved his head in for a closer look of the coin.

“Come on Sirius! Just one more try,” Lupin whimpered. Lupin had lost all his money at the Texas Hold E’m table and had to use Sirius’s money since.

“Your running me dry Remus!” Sirius said outraged. “You used at least 100 of my galleons. Anyways, you used all your money already.”

“Hey, how the hell was I supposed to know that guy had the spade that would give him the straight,” Lupin defended himself.

“First of all Remus, you had a King high. He went all in with four spades already on the table. He was practically celebrating before you called him.”

“So,” Lupin tried to think of an excuse.

“No, I’m not giving you any more of my bloody money,” Sirius said.

“But just one more can’t hurt,” Lupin begged, “this is the lucky 100th time Sirius. I’m telling you!” Lupin paused, “Jackpot all the way.”

“Remus, you are not on your 100th try, you’re probably on your 150th try by now!” Sirius shouted.

“Ok, I was wrong,” Lupin corrected himself, “it’s the 150th try that’s lucky!” Sirius groaned.

“No. I’m going to try,” Sirius said as he turned to walk towards a slot machine. He put a coin in. The dials spun and stopped. Sirius won a single coin.

“See! Your bad at gambling too!” Lupin teased.

“This isn’t money,” Sirius muttered.

“But it’s gold, none the less,” Lupin pointed out.

“Hit me with another drink!” Snape yelled at the waitress. Snape had gone through 16 shots already. This is what he did when school was out. Got drunk until next year. The waitress came back with another shot glass and filled it up with whiskey. “Leave the bottle,” Snape hiccupped.

“Sir, maybe you should give it a rest. Go and gamble a bit. Have fun,” the waitress requested. Snape finished the shot, plus half the bottle of whisky and got up.

“Ok, good idea. I feel lucky!” Snape said as he almost tumbled over. Snape wobbled towards the closest slot machine and put in the coin that was supposed to be the waitress’s tip. Snape heard a coin come down the machine. “I WON!” Snape exclaimed. He looked at the coin. His vision was blurry but he could see that it was gold and it had some kind of writing on it. “Waitress! Can you tell me what this says?”

“How you doing Harry?” Ron asked. They were sitting on stools. In front of them were slot machines. Ron put another coin in his machine.

“Bad,” Harry answered as he pulled down the trigger on his slot machine, “you?”

“No luck,” Ron said as he put yet another coin in.
The two kept on gambling until a clinking sound was heard from Harry’s machine.

“Harry! You won!” Ron exclaimed excitedly.

“Calm down Ron,” Harry said as he picked up the coin, “it’s only one.”
The coin was as small as a dime and was made of gold with writing on it. Harry took a closer look at his coin and it read:

You are a winner. See guest services.

Harry read what was on the coin to Ron who was over excited about this news.
“ Well Harry,” Ron said trying to keep his excitement level down.

“Well what?” Harry asked.

“Are we going to go see your prize?” Ron asked anxiously.

“Well,” Harry thought, “ok.”
Ron almost ran to the guest services booth at top speed with Harry following behind him.

“A free buffet? That’s our prize?” Harry asked the receptionist after she told him and Ron they won a free buffet. Ron looked disappointed.

“No,” the receptionist corrected Harry. Ron almost jumped for joy. “All it says is that a once in a life time chance awaits you.” Everything faded to black.

“Cool fade,” Ron said. Black fades out to Harry and Ron in an elevator. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know. Everything went black…” Harry said but was interrupted in mid-sentence by Ron.

“That was a hell of a nice fade, right?” Ron pointed out.

“Now we are in an elevator,” Harry continued as if he wasn’t interrupted.

“What the bloody hell is an elevator?” Ron asked. Blackness surrounded them once again. “Cool fade,” Ron repeated.

Chapter 2: 100 Million Galleons
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Fades out to Harry and Ron getting out of the elevator. Harry and Ron pulled open the doors to the room. The room had a big window that took up the whole back side of the room looking down on the streets. There were paintings of beautiful and famous landmarks that moved. On one side was a giant buffet and on the other side, a big table and nine chairs going on the sides. Harry knew everyone there. Fred and George were all the way down the buffet table. Harry recognized Sirius and Lupin picking on Snape, who looked drunk. And the person that was closest to him and Ron, to Harry’s surprise, was Hermione. “Hey guys,” Hermione said excitedly. “I see you also won.”

“Yeah,” Harry replied, “but I thought you didn’t gamble.”

“I gave it a shot and I won!” Hermione squealed even more excitedly.

“Your pretty bloody lucky,” Ron said disappointingly, “I won nothing.”

For the next five to ten minutes, Harry, Ron, and Hermione talked to Fred, George, Sirius and Lupin. Snape was left to eat by himself. Then, they heard a door burst open. They turned around, expecting to see another guest, but at the door, they saw Lord Voldemort. Everyone drew their wands, all except Snape who was bewildered to see his master. Just at that second, John Cleese rushed in from a secret door and pulled out his own wand. “There will be now fighting needed,” John Cleese said calmly.
“Now, if you all will lower your wands and take a seat, we will get started.”

"Who the hell are you?" Harry asked coldly.

"I am John Cleese. The owner of this casino," John Cleese replied.

“Get started with what?” Fred asked.

“You shall see,” John Cleese said. Everyone sat without another word and waited anxiously for Mr. Cleese to speak. “Now,” John Cleese started, “all of you know that winning the jackpot down in the casino is a million to one.”
Lupin looked very surprised at this news. “You must journey to Silver City, New Mexico. At the train station are lockers. In a locker numbered 007, there is a suitcase. In the suitcase is 100 million galleons,” Mr. Cleese explained. Everyone looked like they have been struck by lightning. “I shall give you all keys. Aw, here comes my assistant, Filch. He will give you your keys” Once all the keys were handed out, one for each team of people (Harry and Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Lupin, Snape, Fred and George, and Voldemort), Cleese started again. “Now, you will race to get to the locker. The first one there, keeps it all. Any questions? Yes red-headed one?”

“But we’re in Europe!” Fred burst out. There was a long pause as John Cleese tried to function the words together in his head.

“Yes, yes of course I knew that,” Cleese said finally, “right, hold on a second.”

“Wow! A hundred million galleons!” Ron whispered quietly. Harry looked around the room at the people faces. Everyone looked amazed. 100 million galleons. That’s a lot of money. Cleese finally snapped his fingers. There was a huge bang and a blinding flash of light. Then there was an even bigger bang and the whole building seemed to shake.

“There, I have moved the whole casino to Las Vegas, Nevada,” Cleese said, “Now, ready, set, go!” Cleese said excitedly.

“Aha! Fools! I shall win this contest and use the galleons to take over the world!” Voldemort shouted as he ran out of the room.

“Wait, wait, wait. So what are the rules?” Sirius asked. He had not noticed Voldemort’s evil laughing.

“There’s only one rule: No magic allowed,” Cleese said. “Go!”

“Wait, but Voldemort doesn’t know there is no magic allowed,” Hermione said worriedly.

“Don’t you worry, I have deactivated your wands. He’ll find out sooner or later. Go!” Cleese said again as he cracked a smile imagining how Voldemort will find out.

“Just go?” Lupin asked.

“Yes, go!” Cleese said a little more anxiously. The smile left his face and was replaced with a frown.

“Go, as like, go get the money?” George asked.

“Yes. Now, get out of here and go get the money!” Cleese said with a tone of angry in his voice.

“And, by the way, the elevator has been shut down so take the stairs,” Filch added.

Once the door opened, they saw Voldemort trying to pry open the elevator doors. “Bloody doors!” Voldemort muttered but turned around and saw the whole group watching him. He punched Snape hard in the mouth and ran down the stairs.

“Bloody son-of-a-“ but Snape didn’t finish because he started running towards the stairs. The others started down at a walk trying to make since of what just happened.

“So that guy did say that we could win 100 million galleons, right?” Lupin asked. They could hear footsteps running down the stairs and people cursing like mad at each other.

“Yeah, I think he said that, but I just can’t believe it,” Ron said. “Are you going after it?”

“I don’t think it’s possible without magic,” Lupin responded. They heard someone scream and tumble down the stairs.

“We can walk,” Sirius replied.

“Walk? We don’t even know where the place even is!” Ron exclaimed.

“We can take a plane,” Harry said.

“A what?” Lupin asked. Harry had forgot that only he and Hermione knew what a plane was.

“A plane. A plane is a muggle type of transportation,” Harry explained, “You can get one at an air port and it can fly you there.”

“Ok, then, me and Remus will be off,” Sirius said and with that, they jumped over the railing to the next row of steps and ran full speed down them.

“Damn them!” Ron said as he grabbed Harry and ran after them, going two steps at a time. Fred and George ran after them. Hermione, however, started to run down the stairs but could not catch up. In no time, Harry, Ron, Sirius, Lupin, Fred, and George were out the door. Hermione trailed.

“Aha! There they go!” John Cleese said. Millionaires surrounded him. “I hope all of you have placed your bets on the person you assume will win. No, rules, no boundaries, nobody can offer you this. No one. Just sit and enjoy the race.”

In your reviews... post who you want to win!

Chapter 3: The Airplane
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Hermione emerged from the stairway. She and 8 others had just learned that 100 million galleons were up for grabs. All they would have to do was get to Silver City, New Mexico without using any magic. Hermione could see that all the way on the other side of the lobby that Sirius, Lupin, Fred, George, Harry, and Ron were fighting to get through the doorway out onto the streets. Mr. John Cleese had turned everyone against themselves. Harry and Ron were paired, so was Fred and George and Sirius and Lupin. Snape and Voldemort were participating, but not on the same team. That left Hermione alone! All that changed with two words.

“Hey Hermione,” Ginny said, “do you have any clue what the hell they are doing?” she asked with a nod towards the heap of people that were Harry and the others.

“Um,” Hermione had to think quickly. Is the race supposed to be secret? “Uh, I don’t know what the hell they are doing.”

Ginny looked at Hermione for a good while until someone yelled out “Bloody hell!” It was the Security guard. “What are you all doing”

“I’ll rape you if you don’t let us go fool!” Sirius threatened the guard. The guard let them go.

“Hermione,” Ginny started, “you’re a hell of a bad liar.” Hermione wasn’t surprised. “Now, what is going on?” Hermione told Ginny the whole story. When Hermione ended, Ginny was as surprised as they were when John Cleese told them.

“Who the hell is John Cleese?” Ginny asked.

“I don’t know.” Hermione answered

“Ok,” Hermione said. “That’s what happening.”

“Are you going for it? The money that is,” Hermione hadn’t thought about going to win the money. She intended to just stop Voldemort from getting it.

“I guess so,” Hermione said slowly.

“Good. Can I come?” Ginny asked. Hermione looked shocked. Maybe she can win if she had a partner. 1 is better than 2, or was it 2 is better than 1? Screw it.

“Um, I guess so,” Hermione said. Ginny looked surprised at the answer.

“Cool! When are we going?” Ginny asked excitedly.

“Now because we got to hurry and get on an airplane” Hermione said quickly grabbing Ginny’s arm and dragging her to the door.

“What’s an airplane?” Ginny asked.

Meanwhile, Voldemort was on the streets trying to transport himself to the train station. “Ah! God damn it wand!” Voldemort shouted. He turned around and headed straight to the first muggle he saw. “Tell me muggle, how do I get to Silver City, New Mexico?”

“Well, you can take a plane,” the muggle suggested.

“How do I get this ‘plane’?” Voldemort asked


Snape was standing at the Casino entrance looking at cars. A person walked by him. “Excuse me, but what are those things?” Snape asked pointing towards the car.

“What are you retarded something?” the muggle asked. He noticed that Snape looked drunk. “Are you drunk?”

“Maybe,” Snape replied. The muggle walked away. Snape ran up to a yellow car. The muggle had a window open.

“You need a lift?” the muggle asked.

“Um, yes, I think,” replied Snape, “Can you take me to Silver City, New Mexico?”

“Sure,” the driver said with a grin, “hop in,” Snape took the driver seriously and ‘hopped’ in, banging his head. The driver laughed.

Sirius and Lupin

“Excuse me, but where is the heir port?” Lupin asked.

“First of all, buddy,” the muggle said, “it’s called an air port.” Lupin nodded not understanding his mistake. “It’s about 3 miles from here. You can take a cab there.”

“Great! Now, what’s a cab?” Sirius asked. The muggle rolled his eyes and pointed towards a yellow carriage on wheels.

“A cab is a type of car. A taxi,” the muggle explained. Lupin nodded again but still did not understand. “Just ask the driver to take you to the airport.” The muggle finished.

“Ok, thank you” Lupin said.

“And, buddy,” the muggle said

“Yes,” Lupin replied.

“Get on some medication and don’t take as much crack,” the muggle said as he turned around and left.

“What the hell is crack?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know but it sounds good to me!” Lupin said gaily.

Fred and George

“Where’s the hair port, Fred?” George asked.

“I don’t know. Lets ask the guy in the yellow muggle car,” Fred said.

“Excuse me, but do you know where the hair port is?” Fred asked.

“The hair port?” the driver started to laugh, “you mean the air port, right”

“What ever, do you know where it is?” Fred asked.

“Of course I know where it is! I can drive you there too,” the driver requested.

Harry and Ron

“Ron, come on!” Harry shouted.

“Where are we going?” Ron yelled back dodging traffic.

“In the taxi! Come on!” Harry yelled over traffic. “Get in!” He threw Ron into the vehicle.

“Where you two going?” the taxi driver asked once Harry and Ron where in.

“Take us to the air port, and hurry!” Harry commanded.


“How many tickets would you like?” the muggle asked. Hermione and Ginny were getting their plane tickets.

“Two,” replied Hermione. They could see Harry and Ron a couple people back. Fred and George were near the back and Sirius and Lupin just entered the airport.

“There you go and have a nice flight,” said the muggle as she handed them their tickets. Hermione grabbed Ginny and they hurried off.

“Damn it,” Ron whispered.

“What?” Harry asked. He had not seen Hermione and Ginny.

“Hermione got my sister into this and they got tickets before us,” Ron said.

Finally, Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Sirius, and Lupin got their tickets. Then, the airport doors flew open to reveal Voldemort. He looked exhausted because he ran the whole way. He caught his breath and ran towards the front of the line. “Give me a ticket to Silver City, New Mexico god damn it!” Voldemort demanded.

“Hey you!” the man behind him spoke up, “we were here before you!”

“Shut the hell up or you shall have a life of pain!” Voldemort threatened.

“I’m sorry, but we are booked for that flight,” the muggle working the tickets said.

“Ah! If you don’t give me a ticket, I will torture everyone one here!” Voldemort shouted. With that, the muggle picked up her microphone.

“Alerting all security personal. We got a terrorist at the entrance. Requesting all security personal,” said the muggle into the microphone.

“That’s right! I’m going to terrorize all of you!” Voldemort shouted just as a bunch of security guards came out. “I’ll take all of you! Avada Kedrava!” Voldemort shouted but nothing happened. The guards lunged at Voldemort. “Holy…” Voldemort screamed.


“Attention. We are canceling all flights,” the voice said. There were groans. “Repeat: We are canceling all flights. Thank you.

“Damn it!” Harry cursed. Ron turned around to see Sirius and Lupin running towards the door.

“Come on Harry! There they go!” Ron said referring to Sirius and Lupin. Both ran off, meeting up with Fred and George. Ron and Harry were both knocked down.

“Now what Hermione?” Ginny asked. Hermione was thinking. She really didn’t want to take a car all the way to Silver City.

“Um,” Hermione said, “I guess we’ll have to take a car.”

Remember to vote for who you want to win!

Chapter 4: Getting out of Vegas
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Sirius and Lupin ran out into traffic. “Remus!” Sirius yelled.

“What!” Lupin responded, a car barely missing his body.

“We need to take one of the carriages!” Sirius shouted referring to the cars. Sirius ran to the first car he saw and grabbed the driver out of the taxi. They both jumped in. “How do you work this bloody thing!”

“Press on that thing!” Lupin said pointing towards the pedal. Sirius tried it but nothing worked. He tried the other one and the cab shifted into motion.

“Fred! Look!” George said. He pointed towards a shiny red corvette in a car dealership window. They ran and burst open the doors.

“Hold on boys, what seems to be the matter?” the car dealer asked.

“We want that!” George said pointing towards the car.

“Well now, do you two have drivers licenses?” the car dealer asked as kindly as possible.

“Driver what?” Fred asked. The car dealer shook his head.

“I’m so sorry, but if you don’t have a license, you can’t drive,” the car dealer said sadly.

“Uh,” started George. He was thinking of an idea. “Aw damn. Ok.” Fred looked at him funny but George shot him a look.

“Ok guys. Good luck anyway,” the dealer said as he turned to leave.

“Stay here,” George whispered as he followed the dealer into the back. George came back a bit later with a happy look on his face.

“What the hell did you do?” Fred whispered sharply at George.

“I knocked him out and got the keys,” George whispered back. Fred grinned excitedly.

“What now Harry?” Ron asked. They were right across from a car dealership.

“We have to get a car, Ron,” Harry explained quickly. Then there was a big crash and shattering glass. A red corvette came racing out of the window of the car dealership. It passed Harry and Ron and, from what Harry could make out, two red headed young adults were in the front seats.

“What was that?” Ron asked. Harry did not answer. He knew that it was Fred and George. They had to get a car quick to catch up with them. Harry grabbed Ron and ran through the shattered window. Inside, everyone was dazed. Harry ran past a car dealer.

“Hey, where are you going, kid?” the car dealer asked grabbing Harry’s arm.

Harry punched the man in the nose. The muggle immediately collapsed. Harry searched the man’s pockets for keys. Amazingly, nobody noticed the man’s nose bleeding. They were all too surprised about the car robbery. Blood was staining Harry’s shirt by the time he found a pocket with keys. He grabbed Ron again and they ran to try out all the display cars to see which one the keys belonged to. Finally, they found it. They went to ride it out the window but, unfortunately, one car dealer wasn’t paying any attention. Sucks for him. He got ran over. Bump, Bump. Ron and Harry grimaced as they felt the man’s pain. Blood spurted out from the tires as they heard a loud cracking sound. Harry and Ron didn’t look back to see the result of the gory incident.

“We need driver’s licenses to drive a car,” Hermione said to Ginny. They were sitting at a bar table.

“I know!” Ginny said excitedly. She took out her wand and pointed it at a napkin, which turned instantly into a driver’s license.

“Ginny! We’re not allowed to use magic in this contest!” Hermione said worriedly.

“You never told me that,” Ginny defended herself.

“We can’t use this,” Hermione said examining the card.

“Yes we can! We’ll just say we took someone’s drivers licenses,” Ginny exclaimed. She was very proud of herself.

“Well,” Hermione wondered.

“Why are you going to Silver City, buddy?” the taxi driver asked Snape. They were somewhere in the desert.

“Um, for, uh, business,” Snape said slowly. The muggle eyed Snape through the mirror. Snape smiled at him kindly.

“You look suspicious. But, what the hell! So do I!” The driver laughed. Snape laughed carefully.

“Hey Sirius,” Lupin asked. They were driving full speed down the highway. Lupin had a big map in his hands.

“Yeah Lupin?” They have been driving non-stop. Literally, they couldn’t find the brakes. “Goddamn it!” Sirius cursed. “That guy almost hit me!”

“How the hell are we going to get to Silver City if we don’t know how to read the map!” Lupin said as he threw the map out the window. It hit a car behind them, covering their vision. It sped up and collided with Sirius and Lupin, then swerved off the road.

“Goddamn high rollers!” Sirius yelled back at the now crashing car. Now he turned his attention to Lupin. “Well, we can ask directions.”

“Is this your drivers license?” The clerk at the car dealership asked (not the same one that Ron, Harry, Fred, and George robbed).

“Yes,” Hermione responded, “yes it is.” The clerk stared at it for a while, then at Hermione and Ginny.

“Ok,” Finally the clerk spoke. She had a cheerful ring to her voice. “The car is over there.” She pointed to a black BMW. Then she handed them the keys.

“Damn!” Ginny said after they were out of ear range. “That was close.”

Harry and Ron were driving on the sidewalk. “Goddamn it Harry!” Ron shouted. “You hit 3 people already! Get on the frickin’ road! Whoa!” There was a loud bump underneath the tires. “You hit that old lady!”

“She was in my way. Anyway, they’re walking in my path.” Harry responded.

“Of course they are walking in your path! This is the goddamn sidewalk!” Ron yelled into Harry’s ear.

Harry looked at Ron “Oh.”

“You didn’t know that!” Ron seemed outraged. They hit another person. Harry pulled out into the road, almost hitting a car.

“There you go Mr. Know It All!” Harry said.

Fred looked back. “Hell yeah!” George yelled.

“We’re in the frickin’ lead! We’re in the goddamn lead!” Fred cheered. They were on the highway zooming down the lanes. “We are going to win the bloody money!” He assured George. “We are going to win it all, and make a joke shop franchise!” Fred gave a hoot.

“Hell yeah we are!” George said.

Remember to vote for who you want to win!

Chapter 5: The Police Chase
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A taxi went flying down the highway at top speed. “Goddamn it Lupin!” Sirius yelled at his partner. “Did you find the goddamn brake yet!?”

“No.” Lupin responded. “Not goddamn yet. Jeez! You are always complaining. ‘Lupin do this thing. Lupin do that thing! Damn it Sirius! I quit!” Lupin opened the door and put his foot out, not realizing that the car was not yet stopped. He fell out.

“Haha! You son of a gun!” Sirius yelled maniacally.

Lupin got up. “I’ll still beat you for the money!” He yelled after the car. “Somehow!”

“Harry?” Ron asked his friend. They were now entering the highway.

“Yeah Ron.” Harry responded. Harry turned the wheel as another car almost back up into him. “Jackass!” He yelled at the guy. He gave the guy the finger. The guy suddenly jumped out of his car, walked over to Harry and Ron’s and opened their door.

“You all tough you little punk! Come out here and I’ll show you whose a jackass!” The man yelled at them.

“No!” Ron yelled suddenly as Harry got up. “I’m sorry mister but we can’t fight today! Maybe next week or next year or how about never!”

Harry turned to Ron “When I get out of the car, get out of here and go get the money.” Harry whispered. Ron nodded. “Got it?” Harry shut the door. Ron backed up, moved forward, and hit the man’s car.

“You son-of-a-bitch! Now you hit my car!” The man roared. He walked over to Ron’s car and pounded his fists against it.

“Damn! Someone needs anger management!” Ron said to himself. He put the car in drive and ran over the angry man. Thump! Thump! Crack! Ron backed over him for good measure. He slide open the window to Harry. “All in a day’s work!” He said happily.

“Another problem solved!” Harry cheered. He got in the car and they drove away.

“Now, are you sure he doesn’t have any weapons on him?” The muggle in charge asked his assistant. He looked at Voldemort.

“Nope. Just a silly wand!” The assistant joked. “Should we release him?”

“Not yet. Lets try something on him.” The chief officer smiled.

“Goddamn it!” Sirius cursed. He was alone on the highway except three unexpected guests. He looked into his rear view mirror to see three cop cars trailing him. He opened the glove compartment of the car. “He must have a weapon in here!” Sirius found a gun. “Aha!” He set the car on cruise control and popped out the window. “Come get me coppers!” He yelled and fired off three shots. All three hit the windshield of the front cop car. It skidded out taking out another. Sirius laughed manically.

More cop cars came. Sirius kept on firing random shots that seemed to be hitting a car every time. Sirius ran out of bullets. “Goddamn it! This lunatic must have more guns. He looked in the back and found a M-16. “Hell yeah!” He leaned out and shot rounds off the gun. The cop cars flipped over each other with some of them blowing up. Helicopters came. Sirius fired off some more rounds through his windshield. “You cops will never get me alive!” He yelled. He pointed the gun to the ground of the car and fired.

“Look!” The helicopter pilot yelled to his partner. “The car stopped!”

“What could have happened?” The co-pilot said in curiosity.

“Maybe he ran out of ammo!” The pilot joked. “Or maybe gas!”

Suddenly, the car blew up. “Damn it!” The pilot yelled. “Did you see that!?” The car was emerged with flames after the explosion. Cops and firemen came to put the fire out.

“Captain!” A cop yelled. The fire was finally out.

“Yes. What is it?” The captain replied.

“We found no body.” The cop said. “Could it have burnt?”

The captain looked surprised. “Go find the body goddamn it!” The cop ran off. “He could be anywhere!”

“Can I tell you a secret, buddy?” The taxi driver asked Snape.

“Um,” Snape was afraid of what he was going to hear. “Sure I guess.”

“O.k.” The taxi driver took a deep breath. “I killed someone.” Snape’s eyes widened. “Not just someone, but a very, very, very, very, very, very, very important person.” Snape nodded. “I mean, not just a hobo but a extremely important person. I mean, super important. I mean, not just one person but thousands and thousands.” Snape gulped. “I barged into a school. I was very stealthy. Nobody would have been alerted if it weren’t for that one kid. He screamed before I shot him.” Snapes jaw dropped. “The headmaster alerted everyone. ‘Lock yourselves in the rooms. Don’t come out till I give the word.’ Everyone was out of my way. That made it easy. Once I got to the boiler room, I placed the bomb. I ran out and…” The driver took his hands off the wheel and made a big hand jesture. “…Boom!” Snape gulped.

“Finally!” Voldemort yelled. “I am free!” He started running. He ran ten yards, then fell asleep.

All the police in the station started laughing. “That was the best prank chief! Slipping him a sleeping pill!” He fell on the ground laughing. Voldemort just stood in the parking lot sleeping while standing.

“He’ll be like that for a few hours. But for now,” The chief looked at his cops. Get to work!” The police officers scrambled.

“Sir,” A messenger came running to him.

“Yes. What is it?” The chief replied.

“There was a car bombing on the highway a few hours ago.” The messenger reported.

“Goddamn it! Did they find a body?” The chief asked.

“No, not yet. The captain has them searching.” The messenger said.

“Well, get him to hurry! We can’t have a crazy guy out there!” The chief yelled.

Chapter 6: Umpa-Lumpas Attack
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“Those losers.” Sirius snickered. He was hiding in a bush watching the police search for his body. How did he get out? Let’s replay the section again. But this time, from Sirius’s point of view.

“You cops will never get me alive!” Sirius yelled. He started firing at the bottom of the car, trying to hit the gasoline tank. He stopped the car and tried to find an opening. He found one quickly and lit a match, throwing it down the hole. He dived out of the car just when it blew up. The flames and smoke from the car covered him as he crawled to the side of the road. He has been there since then.

“Still no body captain.” The policeman reported again. “I think it burned.”

The captain thought for a moment. “Alright. We’ll call it a day.” He turned to a police car. “Call chief and tell him the body burned.” He turned back to the other cop. “You did good sergeant. For your good job, I give you the sexiest man in a police chase medal.” He held out a medal with the words ‘Sexiest Man In Police Chase’ on it.

“I,” The cop looked surprised. “I’m honored captain.”

“Just keep on being sexy and maybe,” The captain looked around. “Maybe you will be the sexiest cop of the year.” The medal-winning cop was dazed.

“Hermione!” Ginny yelled. She had a map in her hands. “The exit was that way.”

“No it wasn’t!” Hermione remarked. “You have the map upside down!”

Ginny stared at the map. “No, I am pretty sure it is right-side up.”

“What do you mean it’s right-side up!” Hermione yelled. “Ok, ok.” She calmed down. “Then tell me, why are the words upside down?”

Ginny stared at the map again. “Nope, they’re not upside down.”

“Then what does this place say!” Hermione said frustrated.

“Ytic revlis. Duh’!” Ginny read the place.

“That’s Silver City moron!” Hermione screamed.

Ginny again stared at the map. “Na-uh. It’s not Silver City!” Hermione banged her head against the steering wheel. The horn sounded loudly.

“Fred. Where are we going!” George yelled.

“To Silver City to win the money, George.” Fred told his twin brother.

“I know that.” George responded. “But why are we in the wrong lane.” Fred looked around. Cars that headed right at them would swerve into the other lane right before they hit. “I thought you knew how to drive.”

“It’s not my fault George.” Fred replied. “They are the ones in the wrong lane.”

“What the hell are you smoking!? You’re the one in the wrong lane.” George yelled.

“No! I’m in the right lane!” Fred yelled suddenly.

“Come on George! Wake up and smell the truth!” George said.

“You want to mess with the best?” Fred threatened.

“O.k. Enough.” George calmed down. “Stay in the goddamn lane then.”

“Harry! Look!” Ron yelled pointing. “Stop the car!”

“Your mamma didn’t stop when I told her to.” Harry responded. They stopped the car anyway. In front of them was a mass of short orange people.

Harry and Ron got out of the car. “Oh no!” Ron shouted. “They’re umpa-lumpas!”

“Umpa-whats?” Harry asked.

“Umpa-lumpas. They eat people. They do their ritual dance, then pounce!” Ron explained. The umpa-lumpas started dancing.

“Don’t be silly. They can’t eat us.” Harry said. “They won’t eat us.”

“Us umpa-lumpas will eat you!” The umpa-lumpas sang.

“Scratch that.” Harry said.

“Let’s run them over with the car!” Ron said and started to run towards the car.

“No!” Harry grabbed him quickly.

“Well why not?” Ron asked. He had a hint of terror in his voice.

“Because the critics are sick of us running over people with cars.” Harry explained. “I mean, how many people have we run over already?”

Ron counted on his fingers. “16.”

“See!” Harry thought. “Anyways, critics would rather see us shot the hell out of them.” A M-16 popped out of nowhere into Harry’s hands.

“You can do that! I’m going to hide in the car.” Ron ran to the car.

Harry turned to the umpa-lumpas. “Alright you rodents!” He aimed the weapon. “You are going to die!” He shot the first row down with ease. He reloaded quickly and shot another row down. He did this for a while.

After a While…

“Goddamn it! I’m out of ammo!” Harry ran toward the car.

“Now what are we going to do?” Ron asked as soon as Harry was in the car. He turned the car on. He turned around and drove away.

“We’ll bomb them.” Harry told Ron.

“How?” Ron asked.

“Look!” Harry pointed up. Above them flew 3 planes. They all dropped bombs onto the umpa-lumpas.

“How’d you do that?” Ron asked. He was grinning from ear to ear.

“I didn’t have a plan. I just saw the planes overhead and ran. The army hates umpa-lumpas.” Harry explained.

Chapter 7: Almost the End.
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“Hey, buddy,” The taxi driver said loud enough for Snape to wake up. “I’m going to stop at McDonalds. Want anything?”

“Um,” Snape looked around. “I’ll have a large fry.”

“You know your paying for that, right?” The driver asked.

“Uh,” Snape thought. “Actually, make that a small fry.”

Voldemort awoke with a start. “Where the hell am I?” He asked himself as he spun around. “Goddamn it! The race! I have to win!”

Voldemort suddenly stopped spinning and started sprinting into the road, where he was hit.

Voldemort went flying into the air and fell flat on the ground.

“Holy smollies!” The driver yelled. He stopped the car so it didn’t run over Voldemort. He jumped out of his car and ran to help him up.

“Are you okay?” The driver asked.

“Ouch! Son of a…” Voldemort stopped and stared at his attacker. “Damn, your pretty sexy.”

“Thank you,” The male driver said. “Are you queer?”

“What?” Voldemort looked confused. “Did you hit me with that car?”

“Um,” The driver twirled his fingers. “Uh, um yeah.”

“In that case,” Voldemort pulled his fist back and punched the man. “You mother******! I’m going to **** you all the way to hell! Once there, they will change your name from Tucker to ******! You hear me! You ******* hear me!”

“Ouch!” The driver rubbed his now bleeding nose. “My name is Wayne Bright! Not Tucker or… Or whatever you just called me!” Voldemort took another slug at Knight. “I was going to repay you by giving you a ride…” Voldemort stopped and started to listen. “… to anywhere you want.”

“Take me to Silver City!” Voldemort yelled at the Bright.

“Okay, getting in the car and I’ll take you there,” Bright said. Voldemort pranced to the car.

Lupin was sitting on the side of the road. A yellow taxi passed by, but stopped and came back. The back seat window rolled down to reveal Snape.

“Hey Remus,” He laughed. “You must be hungry.”

“I’m starving Snape,” Lupin moaned.

“Want a French fry?” Snape said holding a thin French fry out the window. Lupin nodded hungrily. “Well, got to catch us first! Floor it buddy!” The taxi jerked into motion. Lupin jumped up and started casing the taxi. Snape leaned out the window laughing his head off.

Harry and Ron were driving on the highway. Suddenly, a car came up next to them. Inside contained Hermione and Ginny; Hermione was driving.

“Hey!” Hermione called over to Harry, who was driving. “Good to see you! Looks like we’re tied right now.”

“Yeah,” Harry muttered. “That will change in a second.”

“So,” Hermione continued. “What’s up? Meet any obstacles along the way?” Harry opened his mouth to talk but was interrupted. “We didn’t!” Hermione said.

Harry has had enough. He turned the steering wheel and drove Hermione and Ginny of the road. “Haha! You losers!” He yelled at them.

“Wow!” Fred yelled. He had just seen a car drive another car off the road. “What the hell was that!”

“I don’t know but…” George started but saw a glimpse of Ron in the passenger seat. “Hey! That’s Harry and Ron!”

“Drive George! Drive up and I’ll get them!” Fred told his twin. George drove up to Harry and Ron.

“Lookie here! It’s Harry and Ronald.” Fred taunted them. Ron suddenly woke up. “You two know you are not going to win this race, don’t you?”

“Bug off!” Ron yelled to Fred. Suddenly, Harry and Ron felt a jolt behind them. They looked back and found Hermione’s car trying to ram them.

“Golly,” Harry remarked.

“Golly? Golly!? Is that all the hell you can say? Golly!” Ron yelled at Harry. Hermione bumped into Harry’s car and they flew off the road. Ginny then leaned out of the car and shot a spell at Fred and George’s car tire. The car flew up into the air and crashed back down in flames.

Ginny laughed manically. “Um,” Hermione stuttered. “Do you know you could’ve killed them?”

“You mean I didn’t?” She moaned. “Goddamn it!” Harry and Ron appeared at the car’s side.

“We are going to beat your butts to Silver City!” Ron yelled at them.

Fred jumped out of the burning car. He dragged George out by the collar. “Fockers! They are going to beat us now!” Fred whined.

George got up. “Don’t you mean ******s?” He asked.

“No. Fock,” Fred told his twin.

“No, you’re pronouncing it wrong. It’s ****,” George explained.

“Fock you!” Fred yelled.

“**** you, fool!” George yelled.

“Your mama smell so bad, she made right guard turn left!” Fred dissed George.

“Fred,” George explained. “You have the same mother as me.”

“Forget you,” Fred turned on George. “I’m walking.” Fred started walking to Silver City.

“Fine,” George yelled after him. “I’m going to hitchhike!”

Chapter 8: An Ending Comes
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Sirius was walking along side of the highway when a taxi came driving by slowly.

“Ha! You dimwit! You can never get this French fry!” Sirius heard someone yell out of the window. Sirius moved closer to take a look inside.

“Snape!” Sirius yelled in surprise. Snape was leaning out the window on the other side calling to someone. Sirius banged his fist against the closed window. “Snape!” He called again.

Snape stopped yelling and looked towards the noise. “Ah!” Snape said peacefully. He rolled down the window. “It’s my good old friend Sirius! Want a French fry?”

“I do!” Someone called from behind the taxi. It was Lupin. He looked exhausted.

“Lupin!” Sirius called as he hugged his friend. “Good to see that you lived. Now,” Sirius stepped back a couple feet. “I realized that I have put you in possession of that bloody key. Can you believe it?”

Lupin put his hand inside his pocket. “Ha! I do have it!”

“You know what that means?” Sirius asked his buddy gaily.

“We can win the prize money together!” Lupin yelled cheerfully.

“No!” Sirius continued in his gay tone. “Your going to give me it and leave me be! Sounds great, right?”

“Forget this,” Snape said as he watched out his window. “I hate soup operas. Let’s move driver.”

“I thought,” Lupin started sadly. “I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends. Tell you what. When I win, I’ll share the money with you,” Sirius promised.

“Really?” Lupin asked hopefully.

“No,” Sirius answered.

“Then I’m not giving you this key!” Lupin said angrily.

The taxi started to move. “Um,” Sirius tried to find words. He couldn’t let the taxi get away. That was his ticket to the big bucks. “Will you give me the key if we work together?”


“Why not!” Sirius moaned as the taxi started to roll away.

“Because you will back stab me and run away like last time,” Lupin explained.

“Okay, okay,” Sirius said quickly. “We will work together AND you will get to keep the key with you so I won’t just run-away. Okay?”

“Well,” Lupin pondered.

“Come on quickly!” Sirius urged as the taxi moved away faster now. “Because our only way to Silver City is that bloody taxi!”

Lupin’s eyes widened. He started sprinting toward the taxi while Sirius trailed. Lupin jumped on the taxi and pulled open the shotgun seat.

“Hey!” The driver yelled at Lupin. “What the hell are you doing to my taxi?!” Lupin punched the driver. He opened the driver side now and threw the driver out. He moved over to the driver seat and stopped the taxi. Sirius soon arrived at the back passenger seat.

“Hello Snape!” Sirius said as he dragged Snape out onto the road.

“Hey!” Snape yelled as Sirius let him go and ran back to the taxi. “Hey! You’re cheating!”

Sirius stopped and turned to Snape. “There are no rules, sucker!” Sirius yelled and he got into the car. The taxi drove away.

“Holy ****!” Voldemort swore. “We are going fast!”

“Well, you told me that if we don’t get there fast that you would kick my butt!” Wayne Bright laughed.

Voldemort glared at him. “You idiot! I meant that!” Bright stopped laughing.

‘Rat Race’ (the song) played on the radio. “Turn that bloody thing off!” Voldemort commanded.

“Ah,” Bright said as he turned off the radio. “So. Your British. Right? I could tell by you saying ‘bloody’. Except, my friends are American and they say ‘bloody’ too. Hmm.”

“I am a superior dark lord come to kill all muggles and witches and wizards!” Voldemort shouted.

“Muggles? What the heck are muggles? Are you Antarctican?” Bright asked.

“Antarctican? Antarctican! What the hell does Antarcticans have to do here? Are you racist!?” Voldemort yelled.

“No!” Bright shouted sounding alarmed. “No,” He repeated softer. “I was just asking if you were from Antarctica.”

The trip was silent from then on, until they ran into someone.

“Hey,” Bright said peering through the windshield. “There’s someone in the middle of the road!”

Voldemort leaned out of the side window to look. It was a person trying to build some kind of go-cart out of a wreckage of a burning, tipped over car. He looked closer. Soon, he realized who it was.

“Don’t stop!” Voldemort told Bright. “Run the maggot over!”

“But,” Bright started. “That’s no maggot! It’s a person!”

“I bloody well know it’s a person! I’m calling him a maggot!” Voldemort shouted. “Now run him over or I shall smash you skull against that window glass!”



Bright shut his eyes while the car ran over the body and the go-cart.

George started tearing the burnt, flipped over car apart. “I’ll just build a go-cart type thing! I’ll show Fred when I win that money!” George mumbled to himself.

So, George started to put together his ‘miracle machine’ by using spare parts from his car. Hours later, George ran into trouble.

“Oh man! I need two people for this part,” George complained.

Suddenly, a man appeared behind George. “Hiya! Car trouble?” The man asked.

George turned around to find a man that was about George’s height and had red hair. Actually, he looked just like George!

“Um,” George was lost of words. “Yeah. My car, um, kind of, uh, flipped over. Oh yeah! And burnt.”

“So,” The man started. “You are trying to build a go-cart?”

George was amazed. “Yeah! But I need help with this part.”

“Well,” The man said. “I got plenty of free time. I’ll help you. By the way, my name’s Mike.”

“Hi,” George said. “My name’s George.”

So, Mike helped George out with the go-cart and stayed to finish it up. Soon, they were finished.

“Hey Mike,” George said. “I’m just going to get a couple things over there. Is that okay?”

“Sure!” Mike said cheerfully. “I’ll be right here!”

George walked off the road and down a hill. Mike looked at the go-cart, admiring their work. He suddenly heard a car zooming towards his direction. He waved and stood where he was. But the car didn’t stop. It kept on coming until it was too late for Mike to move. The car killed Mike and entangled his body with the go-cart and the go-cart was stuck to the car, so both were gone. George came back. He looked over toward where the go-cart was supposed to be. “****!” George cursed. “I knew that Mike couldn’t be trusted!”

Fred was walking down the high way. He was 10 miles now from Silver City and he was exhausted.

“I… Can’t go on… Anymore,” He moaned. He fell down to the ground. “Fock Silver City!”

Two cars sped down the highway, 7 miles away from Silver City. “Get away from our car!” Ginny yelled at Ron.

Ron and Harry’s car was pushed up against Hermione and Ginny’s. “You stop that attitude and then we will pull away,” Ron told his sister.

“Get the **** away from our bloody car!” She screamed at her brother.

Ron was shocked. “I’m telling mom that you said that word!” Ron teased. Ginny leaned out of the car and punched Ron in the face. Ron became very mad. He leaped out of their car and into Hermione and Ginny’s. He dragged Ginny into the backseat.

Harry again rammed Hermione’s car. “You bum! Stop it!”

Suddenly, Harry’s car was bumped from behind. It was Voldemort and Wayne Bright.

“Hit them again! Hit them again!” Voldemort screamed at his driver.

Ron was then shot off the highway by his sister’s wand. He landed on the side of the road. Ginny then leaned out of her seat and shot Harry’s car. It spun out of control and finally stopped on the side of the road, 30 yards away from Ron.

“Shoot!” Ron yelled. “I didn’t know she had a wand!” He yelled to Harry.

“Dude!” Harry yelled back. “We learned that, like, last chapter! Get with the program!” A taxi flew by Harry and Ron.

Ginny tried shooting spells at Voldemort’s car. Voldemort leaned out and threw a human heart at the wand. It fell out of Ginny’s hands and onto the road.

“Hey!” Bright yelled. “Where did you find that heart?”

“In the back,” Voldemort responded. “Why?

Bright stopped the car and started screaming. “What the hell!” Voldemort yelled as he covered his ears. “Why are you screaming?!” A big yellow taxi flew by the stopped car.

Inside the speeding taxi contained Sirius and Lupin.
“Hey!” Lupin shouted. He pointed out the window. Straight ahead of them was Hermione and Ginny’s car.

“Hey!” Sirius shouted too. “I see them! Let’s get them!”

Wayne Bright and Voldemort were looking at the ground on the side of the highway. “Are you sure you saw it fall here?” Knight asked nervously.

“Yeah,” Voldemort responded. “Why?”

“Well,” Bright took a deep breath. “I’m supposed to drive to El Paso to deliver a heart for someone there. And you threw the darned heart out the window! Now we have to find it!”

“We?” Voldemort said looking disgusted. “What’s this we stuff?” Voldemort walked away.

“Hey!” Bright yelled after him. “Where you going?”

“To get my bloody money!” Voldemort shouted back as he hopped into the car, pressed a pedal and zoomed off.

Sirius and Lupin’s car rammed Hermione and Ginny’s. “Stop that!” Ginny yelled at them. But she couldn’t do anything about it; she was now wandless. Hermione suddenly rammed them hard. The taxi flew off the road and Hermione and Ginny’s car almost tipped over.

Ginny gave a sigh of relief. “That’s everyone I think,” She said. “Let’s go to Silver City.”

Hermione and Ginny drove safely all the way to the train station. There was no sight of Voldemort. Hermione parked the car in the parking lot and she and Ginny ran towards the train station. Once in, they saw 4 rows of lockers. They froze. “What was the locker number again?” Ginny asked.

“Goddamn it,” Hermione cursed. “I forgot.”

The girls sat down on a bench and thought. “I know!” Ginny shouted. “Number 77!”

“No you moron,” Hermione said. “There are only 16 lockers.”

“Oh,” Ginny sat down.

“Wait,” Hermione jumped up. “Number 7!”

“No, that can’t be it,” Ginny thought more.

“Yes, that’s it!” Hermione ran towards the locker. “Wait,” She looked at the key. “This isn’t our key! This is the car key!” She turned to Ginny. “Ginny, go get the key in the car!”

Ginny ran out and got the key. “Thank you,” Hermione said. “And now, we are victorious!”

“Not so fast!” A voice shouted. Voldemort appeared in the doorway. “That money is mine!”

Hermione thought. “Hey Voldie,”

“Don’t call me Voldie,” Voldemort sneered.

“We’ll give you the money if,” Hermione smiled. “If you stand on that train track.”

“You’re on!” Voldemort laughed. He stepped on the train track and stood there. Suddenly, a train came. Voldemort screamed as he was plowed over.

Hermione turned toward the locker and put the key in. She turned the key slowly. Then, she swung the locker door open to reveal a duffel bag. “You think the money is in here?” Hermione asked. Her and Ginny unzipped the bag. They were amazed. Inside the duffel bag was 100 million galleons, just as the person had said.

So, that’s the end. Hermione and Ginny won the money and lived rich lives. The rest of the contestants went on with their lives. Waiting. Just waiting for the next race for a lot of money.