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One messed up Harry Potter Story by THeAlmigtyBeanBurrito

Format: Short story
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 736
Status: WIP

Rating: 12+
Warnings: No Warnings

Genres: Romance, Humor
Characters: Draco, Ginny, Harry, Dumbledore, Hermione, Ron, Fred/George

First Published: 09/09/2005
Last Chapter: 09/09/2005
Last Updated: 09/09/2005


just your typical messed up Harry potter story, very messed up! that is all.... ya....

Chapter 1: Some Chicken Tenders and a Jar Of Pickles
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Captain's log-
We arrived at Hogwarts, yes! And I was hoping
I could eat some dinner, ya know! I'm friggin' starving,
I want some chicken tenders. But no! the old man,
Dumbledore,calls me off to his office!(there better be chicken tenders!)
I walk in to his office, and I'm not the only one he called,
that retard Malfoy was standing there in front of his desk,
"Hey pothead!" he said, "Don't call me that!" I said,
"I don't do that anymore..." .. what, it's true! But I think
the old man was doin' a little puffin' though, "Me lads!" he said,
looking at us through bloodshot eyes,
"I need you two to combine forces and do a little
job for me-" "Does it involve wanton destruction?"
I asked with a big smile on my face,"Unfortunatly no!" he said (dang!),
"I need you to open this jar of pickles for me!"And there it was, the holy jar!
"Could it be done?" I asked myself, "Of course!"
So we tried every spell we knew on it, seeing as I live
with muggles you would think that I could of figured it out.
"Time for plan B!" Dumbledore yelled, just then the door
opened and Hermione walked, "Dang!" I said to myself.
"Shwing!" I yelled (Wayne's World! party on!), "She's a babe!"
I heard Malfoy say quietly. She grabbed the pickle jar and popped it
open like it was nothing, she looked at me and said, according to
Malfoy, "You idiot!" but what I heard was, "Take me Harry!"
she left and that was that. I went to dinner and quietly ate without
looking at Hermione (shwing!) I walked with Ron back to our room,
as I layed in bed I told Ron about Hermione and the feeling I had at
the pit of my stomach, he said it was either gas or something called my
"spidey sense", it was gas, I didn't like Hermione, I mean she did get hot,
but that's not the first time I saw her this year, we hung out at
Ron's house at the end of summer. I wonder how her parents feel about
her going to Ron's house all the time. Besides the messed up
writer of this story doesn't want me to like her, I wonder why......
By the way, my name is Potter, Harry Potter!, and before
I go any further I think I should talk about the summer, you can't start
a Harry Potter story without showing the summer part.
We won't show it in diary form though.Why am I writing in a diary anyways?
(because all the cool kid's stories are in diary form!) Shut up! Alright, flashback time!
I want my chicken tenders,
Harry Potter out!

"It was a quite day at the burrow, quite and boring. Harry lay there in Ron's room sleeping,
dreaming dreams of fluffy bunnies and rainbows and-" woah, woah, woah! what are you
doing?! fluffy bunnies! come on, what kind of sick crap is this?! you know what, you're fired,
alright! Geez........ narrators these days! I'll take it from here.
Harry lay in Ron's room sleeping, "Harry.... Harry!" Harry suddenly felt a stinging pain on the
side of his head, "Wha!?" He opened his eyes to see Hermione smiling at him, he sat up and
looked at Hermione for about ten seconds, then yelled, "Hey! You jerk! What did you do that for!?"
"You need to get back to work..." said Hermione, "What are you talking about!?" Hermione's
smile went away, "We need to finish our homework before we go back to Hogwarts!"
Harry looked at her,"I finished all my work-" "Shut up and get to work Harry!" said Ron,
"What? Ron? Oh no! we've lost him!" "I said shut up" Harry glared at him, "You're no fun,
besides your only siding with her because you-" just then something stabbed Harry in the head,
it was a fork.
Harry pulled it out and started screaming words that I cannot write in this story, "Harry! watch
your mouth!" It was Ginny, Harry smiled, "Hey!" He suddenly got confused, "Wait a minute!" he
thought to himself, "I don't like Hermione, But I'm supposed to like Ginny huh? Okay." Harry
looked up, "Hey, where'd she go?!" "Why do you care?" Ron asked, Harry looked at them,
"What's going on anyways!?" "It's the flashback! remember!" said Hermione, "Oh yeah! that's
right!" said Harry. Onward with the flashback!