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Padfoot Prohibited by Ever Changing Anthem

Format: Short story
Chapters: 9
Word Count: 14,267
Status: WIP

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature

Genres: General, Humor, Romance
Characters: Dumbledore, Lupin, McGonagall, Snape, Sirius, James, Lily, Pettigrew, OC
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 07/27/2005
Last Chapter: 05/06/2006
Last Updated: 05/06/2006

Summary:
Giving high school essays a Marauder twist, this fiction is centered around the idea where some seniors in high school are require to write a letter to incoming freshman before they graduate. At Hogwarts, seventh years are given a similar assignment to write such a letter for the new first years. Sirius decides to actually take an assignment, well seriously...sort of. He decides to look back on his entire Hogwarts years and write down his list of things not to do at Hogwarts.


Chapter 1: Mum's Assignment
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the plot for this fic. However, I based this idea on Skippy’s List of Things Not to Do in the U.S. Army and will be changing some of those items to fit into Harry Potter terms.

A/N: Hello everyone. I’m Ever Changing Anthem and I’m an HP-aholic. Whew…glad I got that off my chest. I have originally posted this on FanFiction.Net in April of 2004, but I got such great reviews from them, I thought I’d share it with other fanfiction sites. Please submit a review to let me know what you think of it. My AOL/IM screenname is EvrChanginAnthem. Feel free to reach me there anytime; I love meeting new HP fans. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
~Ever Changing Anthem





Chapter 1 - Mum's Assignment


"Black!" shouted Professor McGonagall impatiently.

Sirius' head snapped up from his desk where he was doodling.

"You might want to listen to this."

"Mum," Sirius paused for dramatic effect as a few of his classmates snickered. James, Peter, and Remus, who were seated around him, merely rolled their eyes. "I hate to disappoint you, but I think I already know all there is to know about advanced transfiguration."

Professor McGonagall inwardly grinned, but outwardly grimaced. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Mr. Black, just for lack of energy. You might want to pay attention to this if you're interested in leaving your..." McGonagall choked out her last two words, "...legacy behind."

Sirius arched an eyebrow and looked sideways at James.

Professor McGonagall continued. "Now, as I was saying, as seventh years, you will all be required to compose a letter to incoming first years before you will be allowed to graduate. You could include anything from a list of general tips that helped you succeed in your studies, helpful information about teachers and classes, or even a list of things not to do at Hogwarts. Be creative and helpful. Think of yourself as a first year, completely clueless as to what goes on inside the Hogwarts Castle. They will be due before you take your N.E.W.T.s at the end of the term. Yes, Mr. Potter?" asked McGonagall, noticing James' outstretched hand.

"Is this an english class now, Mum?"

Once again McGonagall tried to overlook the name. She was obviously getting tired of reprimanding them. "This isn't for me, Potter. It's a general requirement that Dumbledore has asked all seventh year students to complete this year before they graduate."

"I'm Head Boy, how is it that I didn't know about this?"

"Perhaps Black's inattentiveness has rubbed off on you."

James laughed out loud. "That's for sure. Look what you've done, Padfoot!"

Sirius put on his trademark faultless face and crossed his arms in front of him. "It's your own fault, Jamesey. If you didn't idolize me so much, and try to copy every single thing I do..."

"Alright, gentlemen, we get the point," interrupted McGonagall. "Would you like to continue your discussion in detention tonight?"

"No, Professor," said Sirius harmoniously with James' "Sorry, Professor."

"Good. Are there any other questions on this matter?" The class fell silent. "Thank Merlin. Class dismissed."

"How was transfiguration?" asked Lily, meeting them in the second floor corridor.

"James almost got me put in detention again," teased Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes. "What did you do this time, Sirius?"

Sirius scoffed. "Me?”

"Lily, did you hear about that letter we're supposed to write for first years?" asked James.

"The one Professor Dumbledore was talking about last week? Sounds like fun, huh?"

Peter laughed. "McGonagall’s right, Prongs. You don't pay attention."

"And you do?" asked James.

"Padfoot, are you feeling all right? Looks to me like you're thinking," said Remus, watching Sirius out of the corner of his eye.

"Don't be ridiculous, Moony," said Sirius. "I'm just hungry."

"Anyone else want to go straight to the Great Hall?" asked Remus.

"I gotta get my potions done," said James.

"Me too," agreed Peter.

"Oh yeah," remembered Sirius, following them to the Gryffindor common room.

Half an hour later, James, Remus, Peter, and Lily had risen from their comfy seats by the fire to head down to dinner. They turned around to see Sirius concentrating heavily on his essay.

"Padfoot?" asked James.

Sirius reluctantly tore his eyes from the parchment in front of him.

"You coming?"

"I just have a bit to finish up. I'll be down in a minute, guys," he told them all.

"Need help?" offered James.

Sirius shook his head. When they had all crawled through the portrait hole, he continued to write:




Dear First Years,

Soon your teachers will be telling you my story, the story of the mischievous Sirius Black and his partner in crime, James Potter. They will warn you not to wander down the path of pranks and detentions, as I have. I am proud of what The Marauders have accomplished, and therefore, wanted to leave you with something to remember us by. I am giving you a list of things that I am no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts, which you all should consider doing on a regular basis to remind our dear teachers what they're missing:

1 - Not allowed to threaten anyone with "Black" magic.

2 - Not allowed to give myself or any other human on the premises of Hogwarts, especially Severus Snape, magical breast implants.

3 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

4 - Not allowed to let enchanted sock puppets serve detention for me.

5 - Not allowed to refer to Headmaster Dumbledore as "Dad."

6 - Not allowed to refer to Professor McGonagall as "Mum."

7 - If the thought of something makes either myself or James Potter giggle for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

8 - Not allowed to....




A/N: So, what did you think? Every new chapter I submit will have more additions to Sirius’s list. If you have some good ideas for the list, you’re welcome to tell me in your review. However, since I already have my entire list planned out, I won’t be able to add them to it… But that doesn’t mean you can’t. Hope you liked the first chapter. Please let me know.
~Ever Changing Anthem


Chapter 3: Midnight Serenade
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do own the plot for this fic. However, I based this idea on Skippy’s List of Things Not to Do in the U.S. Army and will be changing some of those items to fit into Harry Potter terms. Song lyrics in this chapter are “Dancing Queen” by ABBA… It’s a very long story. Just read.

A/N: You’ll need to read the Author’s Note at the end of this if you have concerns about a certain cat that appears in this chapter. I don’t want to give anything away. Enjoy this fic and can’t wait to read more? There’s something you can do to ensure that I update sooner: REVIEW! Thanks to all those who reviewed Chapter 2.
~Ever Changing Anthem


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Chapter 3 - Midnight Serenade

"But Professor, couldn't I just sleep in another dormitory? They're out to get me!" Sirius Black, barefoot, wearing red pajama pants and a white t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, clung to Professor McGonagall like a five year old frightened of the dark.

"Mr. Black, for the last time, there are no evil clowns living under your bed! Now stop waking me up!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall, in a lime-green housecoat, slippers, and cap. She gave Sirius a quick shove out of her office and slammed the door in his face with a sigh.


"But Mum! Couldn't I just sleep in the girls dorms?" whined Sirius, hopefully. "I'm deathly afraid of clowns, especially evil ones!"

"Goodnight, Mr. Black!" screeched McGonagall through the door.

Sirius smiled widely as he threw an Invisibility Cloak around his shoulders and made his way back to his dorm. He heard a menacing meow behind him and turned to see Mrs. Norris, the ancient half-Kneazle, running towards him. She could not see him, but he knew she could sense his presence.

While still under the cloak, he transformed into a large black dog and waited for her to swat at the cloak, snagging it off of him. Not daring to growl and alert her master and the current caretaker, Apollyon Pringle, he merely barred his teeth threateningly. Mrs. Norris froze and drew herself up to full height. Padfoot raised a paw and struck Mrs. Norris rather gently in the belly, sending her sliding a few feet backwards. She spit at him and then retreated quickly down the hall to fetch her master.

Transforming only to pick up the cloak and throw it around himself again, he muttered under his breath, "Merlin, that felt good," and then returned to dog form to climb the stairs in case she came back for a rematch.

James and Peter were waiting for Sirius anxiously. He entered the room in dog form with the cloak still around him and then as he let it slip off, he transformed into himself again.

"Why were you in Animagus form?" asked James, freezing as he saw the door open.

"Had to head off Mrs. Norris," answered Sirius. "I rather enjoyed it."

"Well?" asked James, galloping excitedly around the room.

"Did you get detention?" asked Peter, equally excited.

"Nope," Sirius shrugged. "But at least I got another thing to add to my list!" He happily bounded over to his bedside table and scribbled on the piece of parchment that was there. "Whose turn is it?"

"Mine," said James bravely. "Was she really P.O.ed?"

Sirius laughed. "Don't know what she was so upset about, myself. It's a Saturday! She doesn't have to get up early to teach or anything."

"Teachers are always up at the crack of dawn, Padfoot, no matter what day it is," reminded James. "We found that out in our fourth year, remember?"

"Okay, Prongs, I got one," said Sirius, ignoring James' comment.

Peter and James leaned forward as though hanging on Sirius' every word.

"Go down to the hospital wing and serenade our favorite furry friend."

"What?" protested James. "What do I have to sing this time?"

"Your choice. But it better be good, or it'll be Professor Pitstain next time," warned Sirius with a smirk.

"It's Professor Pintaine, Sirius," corrected Peter.

"Isn't that what I said?" asked Sirius innocently. "Oh, that reminds me..." He again began to scribble on his piece of parchment.

"Alright," said James, getting up and taking his Invisibility Cloak from the floor where Sirius had dropped it.

They snuck down to the Hospital Wing quietly, without running into problems. Once inside the ward, Sirius quickly popped his head into Madam Pomfrey's office, found it empty, and gave James a silent thumbs up. He crept along the empty beds until he came to Remus' usual spot.

Remus had kicked off the covers and was sleeping in a rather odd position. With his right leg lying straight and his left leg crossed over his right knee, Remus’s legs formed a sort of “4.” His arms were around his head, gripping his pillow at the top. He looked as though he were about ready to put on his pink ballet slippers and do a few pirouettes.

James was struck with a sudden inspiration, seeing Remus in his ballerina pose. He began to sing, "’You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah.’"

Remus' eyes suddenly fluttered open and, though he looked sickly and pale, he broke into a smile, beginning to laugh. Sirius and Peter began to dance across the ward as James' continued singing.

"’You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life. See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen.’" James trailed off abruptly. "...I don't know the rest of the words."

"That's okay, man, really," said Remus, sitting up stiffly and digging in his ear.

Realizing the music was over, Sirius brought Peter up from their dip and wandered over to the bed next to Remus'. He plopped down on it, crossed his feet, and placed his hands behind his head.

"So, feeling better?" asked Sirius.

"Just thought we'd cheer you up," explained James.

"Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let us in this morning," Peter added.

"Well, I would have been mortally offended if you guys had actually let me get a good night sleep to recover," teased Remus. "Whose turn is it now?"

"Mine," said Peter, shifting nervously at the foot of Remus' bed.

"Any detentions yet?"

"We're not doing it for detentions this time," said Sirius, "we're doing it for research."

"Research?" asked Remus.

"Yes, for my Hogwarts essay."

"Oooh, right," said Remus. "How's it coming?"

"Well, I got a few more," said Sirius. He fished in a back pocket of his robes and handed Remus the parchment.

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13 - Not allowed to fall in love with Madam Pomfrey.

14 - Not allowed to send anonymous love letters or fan mail to Professors.

15 - There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

16 - Not allowed to ask Professor Pintaine if he's been smoking crack.

-----------------------------------------

Remus read the new additions silently, with a grin plastered on his face. "By the way, I think Pomfrey has the hots for you, Sirius."

"Nah, she just thinks I'm funny," said Sirius, waving a hand in the air and then running it through his hair as he laid back on the hospital bed.

"Yeah? Well she asked me if you were keeping out of trouble. You know that's disgusting, don't you?"

"What's disgusting? She's only like twenty-five."

"And you're seventeen!" reasoned Remus.

"Lupin, relax!" shouted James. "He's kidding."

"No, I'm not; she's twenty-five! I asked her!" justified Sirius.

"Just for the record, Sirius. There's nothing going on, right? I honestly wouldn't put it past you," said Remus, half joking.

Sirius put on his faultless face. "Hey, I may be easy, but I am not sleazy!" Then his expression turned solemn. "Seriously, no, guys. If I wanted an older woman I'd go for McGonagall."

Remus rolled his eyes and chucked a pillow weakly at Sirius. His reflexes quick, Sirius brought his foot up and kicked the pillow into the air. He, James, and Remus followed it up and back down as it landed on top of Peter's head.

------------------------------------------

A/N: Sure, why can’t Mrs. Norris have been there? She’s obviously at least part Kneazle, making her live longer, and I think it’s entirely possible that Dumbledore sought her out, specifically intending her to help the current caretaker at the school because she wouldn’t be biased. Anyway, you can disagree if you wish, but there’s nothing in the books that says Mrs. Norris can’t be in Marauder-Era. There is concerning Filch, though. Apollyon Pringle was the caretaker when Ron’s parents were at Hogwarts, so it’s very likely that he was still there when the Marauders came through a few years after that. Hope you liked this chapter and the new additions to the list. Next chap: “Slytherin Skirmish.” Stay tuned, and please don’t forget to review. The only way I know to continue posting is from the reviews I get. The more I get, the sooner I post. That’s just how it goes. Thanks for reading!
~Ever Changing Anthem



Chapter 4: Slytherin Skirmish
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the plot for this fic. However, I based this idea on Skippy’s List of Things Not to Do in the U.S. Army and will be changing some of those items to fit into Harry Potter terms.

A/N: Thanks to the 32 people who read Chapter 3, and especially to the 5 people who reviewed. The first chapter I posted has 20 reviews, the second has 10, and the third has 5… I’m beginning to see a pattern here. But I’ll be interested to see how you all figure out how to post 2 and a half reviews for this chapter. I challenge all of you reading this to disprove my Theory of the Reviews and post more than 2.5 for Chapter 4, okay? That said, hope you enjoy this one, and thank you again for reading.
~Ever Changing Anthem


__________________________________

Chapter 4 – Slytherin Skirmish



"Alright, I thought we needed to get a practice in before our--" James quickly scanned the locker room full of Quidditch practice robes and noticed one missing. "Where the hell is Sirius?"

The rest of the team shrugged in answer. James sighed and headed for the door, speaking over his shoulder. "Go ahead and start warming up. I'll go find the ladies' man."

He found Sirius in the fourth floor corridor charming some blonde fifth year whose I.Q. closely resembled her age. He ran a finger through her long curls as he gave a pompous laugh. The girl followed suit with her own glass-shattering, high-pitched giggles. James rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. Sirius turned and gave a look of death to the intruder.

"Forgetting something, stud?" asked James, leaning on a suit of armor in the corner.

Sirius gave his best friend a questioning look. "No, I think I can handle this one on my own, Jamesey."

James gave him a fake smile and shifted the broomstick he was carrying from his left to his right shoulder.

"Dammit!" exclaimed Sirius. "Right now?"

"Afraid so," said James, turning and walking back down the corridor. "I'll meet you on the field."

"Hey, wait up!" called Sirius, leaving the blonde behind without so much as a backward glance. James paused so Sirius could catch up to him.

"I'm not even going to ask," informed James as they headed toward the Quidditch pitch.

"Good." They walked in silence until the pitch came into view. "Um, Prongs, are we having a scrimmage with Slytherin today?"

"Huh?" asked James, stopping to look at Sirius.

"Because that's what it looks like to me," continued Sirius, pointing to the field. The two of them broke into a run.

"Rosier!" growled James as they stepped onto the pitch. "What are you doing on my pitch?"

The whole of the Slytherin Quidditch team turned to glare at James. The ugliest of them stepped forward.

"I booked the pitch for today, Potter. I was just asking your little team...do you call yourself a team?" a smirk formed around his lips, "...the same question," responded Rosier.

"Don't give me that bullshit. I've had it booked every Thursday since the season started!"

"Every Thursday except today," replied Rosier calmly.

"You son of a--" James stopped in the middle of his sentence and he reached into his robes and noticed his wand had gone missing.

Sirius put a hand on his shoulder, twirling James' wand between his fingers. James just stared at him for an explanation.

"You’ll want to think twice about that, Prongs. Imagine this: you hex Rosier, or maybe the whole bloody team even, they run and tell their precious head of house, and we get kicked off the pitch. Not the most brilliant plan in the whole world, but it's to be expected from a Slytherin."

James continued to stare at his best friend. "Sirius, you scare me sometimes when you live up to your name."

Sirius ignored yet another pun about his first name and turned to the Slytherin team. "We'll play ya for it."

A smile slowly spread across Rosier's face. "You wanna play us?"

"Hardly seems fair, Sirius," joked Mundungus Fletcher.

Sirius turned around to wink at him, then turned back to the Slytherins expectantly. "Well? You game, Rosier?"

Rosier scoffed arrogantly. "You sure you want to do this, Black?"

Sirius smiled fakely. "We'll even go one man down while I get changed." Sirius turned on his heel and walked briskly toward the Gryffindor locker rooms.

When he came back onto the field in his practice uniform with his broom over his shoulder the game was just heating up. James had the quaffle and was speeding toward the Slytherin keeper, Rabastan Lestrange, with a chaser, Rookwood, on his tail. Sirius quickly rose into the air, spotted a bludger, and sent it toward Rookwood. Rookwood spiraled to his right to avoid it as James threw the quaffle powerfully through the middle goal hoop.

"Nice!" shouted Sirius as he sped over to James and high-fived him, swinging around his broomstick in midair.

While they were celebrating, Slytherin chasers Rookwood and Nott had taken the quaffle and were closing in on the Gryffindor keeper. James caught up to them just as they were shooting, darted in front of the goal, and caught the quaffle just before the keeper did.

"Showoff," muttered Sirius, flying up and knocking a bludger past him toward Rosier as James flew skillfully down the field.

As James was about to shoot, Rosier retaliated the bludger straight for James' head. Sirius had to dive in front of him to deflect it. Then three things happened all at once: James scored through the right goal hoop; Sirius' bludger hit Rosier right in the groin; and Rolanda Hooch whooped in triumph. Sirius and James were too busy celebrating the former two to notice the latter.

Rolanda cleared her throat. "Hey guys?"

They turned to see Rolanda's outstretched hand clasped around the small golden snitch and smiled. Rosier had frozen when the bludger hit, but now he grabbed and groaned, rolling off of his broom onto the pitch some five feet below. The Gryffindor team landed and gathered around Rolanda, congratulating her.

Sirius hit the ground with a backward glance at Rosier who was sprawled a few feet away, still clutching his groin. "Walk it off."

"Yeah, off of our field!" added James victoriously.

As the Slytherin team trudged back up to the castle, the team laughed and decided that they'd had enough practice. They stayed on the field, re-enacting Evan Rosier's brush with a bludger, Sirius starring as Rosier. They kept this up until James suggested he throw an actual bludger at Sirius' nether regions to get the full effect more accurately.

Later that evening they had retreated to the common room and Sirius was working on his list in a secluded corner.

"What's Sirius working so diligently on?" Lily asked James as they sat by the fire.

"That essay for first years," responded James. "He's taking it very seriously."

"Sirius doesn't take anything seriously," contradicted Lily.

"Sure he does, but he won't admit it. Come on," he pulled her across the common room and they sat next to Sirius. "How's it coming, mate?"

"Lily would despise it," Sirius said, without looking up at them.

"How do you know, Sirius?" she asked him.

"It's all about breaking rules, and you're Miss Perfect Head Girl."

"I am not perfect, Sirius!"

"Fine you're Mary Poppins then," he teased. "Practically perfect in every way."

Lily rolled her eyes and smiled. "And you're absolutely hopeless. Let me see that," she snatched the parchment from his grasp and read. James leaned in to read the additions.

___________________________________

17 - Not allowed to add "in accordance with this prophecy" to the end of answers I give to a question asked by our divination professor.

18 - May not call the divination professor immoral, untrustworthy, lying slime even if I am right or become possessed by a spirit and give prophecies of my own in the middle of class.

19 - Not allowed to challenge fellow Quidditch players to 'Meet me on the field of honor at dawn,' and then show up wearing a full suit of armor that I borrowed from the dungeon statue.

20 - Not allowed to purchase the souls of first year students and make them my slaves.

____________________________________

A smile slowly spread across Lily's lips. "Sirius, only you would think of something like this."

"Ingenius, isn't it?" he gloated.

"Padfoot, number 18's too risky. You can't say stuff like that about teachers!" warned James.

"Of course I can! I'm turning it into McGonagall and she despises divination!"

"You're not going get away with it," said Lily.

"Watch me," said Sirius as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands behind his head.

________________________________

A/N: First of all, no, James was not a seeker! If you do not believe me, let me know in your review and when I respond to it, I will send you the link of one of the chats where she has stated that "James was chaser." (And remember to check back and read my response to your review.) I have no idea why James was made a seeker in the first movie. I also have no idea why he was playing with the snitch in the fifth book. (Most likely just because he loves Quidditch and couldn’t very well carry a quaffle around in his pocket.) I don’t go by the movies, I go only by information contained in the books or given directly to us by J.K. Rowling. Whew. Having said that, I really hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Next chapter title: “Badgering Bellatrix.” Don’t forget to review! Thanks!
~Ever Changing Anthem


Chapter 5: Badgering Bellatrix
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the plot for this fic. However, I based this idea on Skippy’s List of Things Not to Do in the U.S. Army and will be changing some of those items to fit into Harry Potter terms.

A/N: You dare to disprove my theory of reviews??? Thank you!!!!!!!! Sorry it took so long for this update. I actually thought I had updated it a few days ago, but I must have forgotten… I hope you enjoy this chapter. There are some new characters.
~Ever Changing Anthem


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Chapter 5 - Badgering Bellatrix


"Oh look, my darling baby cousin," said Sirius sarcastically.

The four of them turned to watch as Sirius' cousin strolled arrogantly across the grounds, pointedly not looking in Sirius' direction. The usual Slytherin entourage was accompanying her. Bellatrix was very beautiful, with long black wavy hair and a slender figure, but her eyes showed her true colors. They were dark, venomous, and almost always squinting critically at everyone around her. Bellatrix and the six or seven Slytherins with her stopped in front of two girls lying on the grass under a birch tree. One looked similar to Bellatrix, except that her hair was as straight as could be and her eyes could only be described as the exact opposite of Bella's: blue and benignant. The other girl's hair was short and brown with eyes to match. The two of them looked up questioningly at Bellatrix.

"Now Bellatrix, I told you a million times I wasn't going let you copy my Astronomy! Just when will Prefects like you learn that cheating gets you nowhere," said the black haired girl nonchalantly as she gathered the papers that were spread on the grass in front of her and got to her feet. The girl next to her did the same.

Sirius motioned for James, Peter, and Remus to follow him as he snuck closer to them. "I have a feeling I might not want to miss this."

Bellatrix let out a cruel laugh. "Guess that explains why I'm a Prefect and you're not, Ashe!"

"Being the smartest in the Slytherin house isn't much to boast about, Bella. In fact, I'd keep it on the down low if I were you."

"Why you snotty little bitch! How many times have I told you, Ashe, that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one of these days?" whined Bellatrix.

"About the same number of times as I've told you have the face of a saint..."

Bellatrix stared at her in confusion, and then looked at her Slytherin entourage for an explanation.

"...A saint bernard," Raven finished. The brunette snickered next to her friend and Raven smiled sweetly at Bellatrix.

Bella practically growled at her. "You know, Raven, it isn't easy to keep your mouth and your mind open at the same time!"

Raven rolled her eyes and took a step closer to Bellatrix. "Black, my friend, I appreciate the wit, but from trash like you I take no shit. Come on, Jordan." She nudged past her and retreated into the castle, with the brunette following her.

Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter turned and exchanged glances. Sirius watched Raven's long black hair blow over her shoulder as she approached the castle.

"Who was that?" he asked dreamily.

Since James and Peter shrugged, Sirius turned to Remus. "Raven Ashe," he responded. "She's a fifth year."

"You know her?" Sirius asked.

"Met her in our third year. She's nice."

"She's feisty," blurted Sirius. "And she hates my cousin just as much as I do! She's a Gryffindor? How come I've never seen her before?"

Remus shrugged. "She kind of keeps to herself, I guess."

"Must be why Bella takes every chance she can get," said James.

"Hey, Moon-pie, wanna fix me up with her?" pleaded Sirius, raising his eyebrows twice.

"Not at chance, Sirius."

"Why not? You like her or something?" Sirius narrowed his eyes on Remus.

"Well, no. I just think she's too nice of a girl to get mixed up with you...especially when you only want one thing."

"Where do you get that impression? She wasn't very nice to my cousin just now!"

"Are you complaining?" asked Remus.

"No, not at all. Anyone who hates Bella as much as I do should be congratulated! Yes, I must find her right now and...congratulate her!" He tugged on Remus' arm. "Come on."

Remus rolled his eyes and unhooked his arm from Sirius'. "Find her by yourself."

"Remus Lupin, you're my best friend and you're not even going to be my wing man? You refuse? Why would you deliberately do such a thing?"

"Because I'm smart," teased Remus.

Sirius grinned and put his arm around Remus. "Moony, Moony, Moony, how many times do I have to tell you this? Just because you're smart doesn't mean you can't act stupid! Look at me!"

"Yep, you sure do act stupid, Padfoot," Remus said.

"You see? I pretend to be stupid,” he tapped a finger against his temple, “but I'm really smart as a tack!"

Peter turned to James with a bewildered look. "Smart as a tack?"

"I think he means sharp as a tack," corrected James.

Sirius gave up trying to explain his brilliance when he saw Bellatrix walking past them again. "Well if it isn't my favorite little cousin," he called to her.

Bellatrix whipped around and gave Sirius an icy stare. "Well if it isn't the blood-traitor runaway," she replied, giving him a fake smile.

"And proud of it," he shot back at her. "How are dear old mum and dad?"

Bellatrix scoffed. "Happier than they've ever been."

Sirius' nostrils flared as he visibly gulped, but continued, "Glad to hear it. That was a very entertaining performance you just gave."

Remus and Peter snickered and James began to clap. "Brilliant," he agreed.

"Shut up!" she growled.

"Shut up...Shut up?" asked Sirius.

He turned to look at his best friends and they all chanted together, "I don't shut up, I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up!" The four of them made gagging and puking noises as Bella scoffed again, threw her hair over her shoulder, and marched up to the school.

"God, she's almost as much fun as Regulus," chuckled Sirius. "C'mon, let's sit, I have to add some new items to my list."

The four of them sat in a circle next to the lake.

"James, where's Lil?" asked Sirius as he scribbled an item onto his parchment.

"She said I was distracting her from studying," he grinned.

"Ah," said Sirius. "Okay, done for the day." He held up the parchment in front of his face so the guys could read his additions.

____________________________________

21 - Not allowed to magically wash the hair of hygienically challenged students, even if they are greasy, slimy gits (cough-Snivellus-cough) and even if I am doing it "for the greater good of the student body."

22 - Not allowed to bribe Hogwarts kitchen house elves into sending the Slytherin table rotten food.

23 - (Next day) Not allowed to bribe Hogwarts kitchen house elves into sending the Slytherin table no food at all.

24 - Not allowed to host an "Inter-house Challenge Slip 'N' Slide Tournament" using the house tables and 147 buckets of water in the Great Hall.

25 – Not allowed to purchase the clothing of Hogwarts house elves and wear it “as a mark of my own enslavement.”

_________________________________________

A/N: Wow, that was short. I never realized how short these chapters were when I was writing them. But I can’t very well add more on now, sorry. I’ll try to update the next chapter soon if you liked this one, though, okay? Thanks for reading.
~Ever Changing Anthem



Chapter 6: Prongs' Potion
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list. By the way, if this chapter in any way seems familiar, I took parts of it from an old fanfic I don't use anymore, just in case someone's read it before. Yes, I am plagiarizing myself and I freely admit it.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I haven’t updated in a while because I’m suddenly bombarded with papers to write for school! Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was one of my favorites in my old fanfic that I will never admit to anyone that I wrote. Warning: this chapter is a bit short. But the next one's already written and it's my favorite chapter, so it'll be a quick update if you all like this one. Be sure to let me know. Enjoy.
~Ever Changing Anthem


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Chapter 6 - Prongs' Potion


"Sirius, are you gonna eat that?" asked Peter, eyeing Sirius' bacon with interest.

Sirius was sucking on his quill distractedly, and as Peter prodded his arm, he merely began to scribble onto the parchment in front of him:

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26 - Not allowed to accuse Moaning Myrtle of sexual harrassment.

27 - Not allowed to trade Quidditch balls (i.e. the quaffle, bludgers, and snitch...actually James kept the snitch) for inflatable sheep.

28 - Not allowed to release enchanted inflated sheep into the dungeons to test the Care of Magical Creatures Professor's competency in his trade.

29 - Not allowed to die... Seriously, I'm not allowed to die or drown! (especially while testing a potion or swimming in the lake).

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A flock of owls suddenly swooped into the Great Hall where most students were finishing up their breakfasts. Sirius spotted his black owl heading for him and let out a sigh.

"Hello, Wheaton."

“Wheaton?” asked Lily, looking perplexed.

Sirius shrugged. “I think it has dignity.”

After Wheaton had landed in his eggs, Sirius untied the Daily Prophet from his leg, glanced at the front page, and then threw it across the table to James.

"Cannons lost again."

"Surprise, surprise," said James, unfolding the paper and scanning the article.

"Sirius?" asked Peter.

Sirius began waving his fingers tauntingly as Wheaton playfully nipped at them.

"Sirius?...Sirius?" tried Peter again.

"Jesus Christ, Pete!" snapped Sirius. He threw the bacon onto Peter's plate. "I'll see you on the field, Jay."

Sirius stood and hurried out of the Great Hall. He went straight down to the Gryffindor locker rooms.

"Did ya bring it?" asked Mundungus excitedly as Sirius entered the room.

Sirius put on a smile. "Bring what?"

"The potion, Sirius, the potion!" Mundungus encouraged.

"No, I left it in the dorms. I didn't want James to get suspicious I asked Rolanda to go get--"

Pinching her nose and holding a bottle of bright blue liquid as far away from her as her arm would allow, Rolanda Hooch suddenly burst through the door, her soft gray hair whipping behind her. "What in the hell is this stuff, Sirius?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," said Sirius, taking the potion from her and bringing an opaque red water bottle down from the shelf in his locker.

He quickly poured the blue stuff into the water bottle and then vanished the potion bottle. He set the red water bottle inconspicuously on a bench between two rows of lockers.

Rolanda and Mundungus were watching Sirius expectantly. “Well?”

"You'll see. I don't want to give it away."

Mundungus began to laugh excitedly as the rest of the team started to file in, and Sirius gave him a reproachful look.

He spoke in an undertone, "Dung, you're going to give it away! Now am I gonna have to shut you up?" He rose his wand for full effect.

Mundungus shook his head, gave Sirius a smile, and then covered his mouth.

As James strode through the doors, Rolanda, Sirius, and Dung chanced a meaningful glance at each other before routinely changing into their Quidditch robes. James opened the locker next to Sirius' and also began to change.

Sirius picked up the water bottle on the bench and thrust it in front of James. "Here ya go, Jay, I filled your bottle already."

"Thanks, mate," said James as he took the bottle from him. "Everybody ready?" he called after he'd finished dressing. The players started to quiet down. "Alright everyone, listen up."

James took a long swig from the bottle as everyone gathered around him. He made a disgusted face as he swallowed and threw the bottle aside. Rolanda and Mundungus started to crack up and hid behind Sirius as James prepared to give his pre-game speech.

"Now...toes need our really be on to we."

Mundungus and Rolanda suddenly erupted into laughter. Sirius bit his tongue to keep himself from laughing.

"Hell what the?"

But Sirius suddenly doubled over holding his stomach, Rolanda was on the floor, and Dung sat on the bench and started to fan his red face.

"Do guys what you did? Right it fix now!"

The rest of the Gryffindor team now joined in on the laughter.

"I'm your ass gonna kick!"

A fresh wave of laughter spread throughout the team. This time James broke down and chuckled with them.

"I'm your ass?! Hahahahahaha!!!!!" choked Mundungus, laughing wildly.

After a few more meaningless sentences, James finally realized that if he waited long enough between words, he could fool the potion into thinking he had finished speaking. He said each word one at a time with a sufficient gap in between. "Fix...it...now...Black!"

**"Help you, I will!" replied Sirius in his best Yoda voice.

This spurred a new chorus of laughter.
**

"You just hafta let it wear off, Jay," said Sirius. "It's a word scrambler potion. Brilliant, huh? How'd it taste?"

James rolled his eyes. "It...tasted...like...arse."

"That would make sense. It smelled like it, too," said Rolanda.

A few minutes before the match, the potion had worn off completely and James had turned back into "Drill Sergeant Potter," as Sirius called him.

"Sorry, mate, just thought you needed a little lightening up, ya know?"

"Thanks for caring," replied James coldly.

Sirius winked as a smile slowly crept across James' lips.

----------------------------------------------------

A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. I kinda got the idea from the Sheriff of Rottingham in Robin Hood: Men In Tights... "King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!... I mean: don't you know, it is illegal to kill a wild pig in the King's forest!" Hilarious movie. I could just go on quoting that all day along with Monty Python. Let me know if you're interested, lol. By the way, that part that was in italics and starred…it actually shouldn’t be in there. My fic is set in 1978 and Empire Strikes Back didn’t come out till 1980, so that’s why I put it in italics cuz technically it shouldn’t be in there…but I thought it was funny. Ignore it if you’re one of those people that can’t stand that sort of thing. I usually can’t stand it either, but come on…it fit so nicely… Hehe. Next chapter title: “Quidditch, Marauder Style.” See if you can guess what that means. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. Thanx!
~Ever Changing Anthem



Chapter 7: Quidditch, Marauder Style
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list.

A/N: Guys, thanks so much for reviewing. As I said before, this is one of my favorite chapters. Enjoy it!

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Chapter 7 - Quidditch, Marauder Style


"The game is quidditch, kids...strip quidditch. The rules are simple: four on four, the team that is scored on has to take off an article of clothing until...there isn't anything else to take off." Sirius grinned briefly and winked at Lily, Raven, and Jordan as they stood on the quidditch pitch in their pajamas with their hands on their hips. "There's no snitch or seeker, no bludgers or beaters. One person from each team has to be the keeper unless you want your ass kicked."

Raven leaned over and spoke out of the corner of her mouth to Jordan and Lily, "I picked a bad night not to wear a bra to bed."

Lily's eyes darted around her for any sign of a teacher. "I'm more worried about getting caught outside."

Sirius continued, "We'll play four goals wins. Four goals, four articles of clothing. For guys, it's robes, shirts, pajama pants and boxers. For girls, it's shirts, bras, pajama pants, and knickers."

Raven made a sound and raised her hand.

Sirius stopped. "Yes, Ms. Ashe?" he played the role of teacher.

"What if we don't...have..." she couldn't find the words, but Sirius knew what she meant. His eyes darted to her chest and she quickly crossed her arms in front of her. "Maybe you should have planned this a little better."

"You sleep in a sweatshirt?" he asked her.

"No," Raven gritted her teeth. "I have a tank top under this, but it's white and it's about to rain."

A smile slowly crept along Sirius' face. "So then for girls, it's shirts, skivvies, pants, and underwear."

"Boxers," she corrected him.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Ashe, you take all the fun out of life. Aren't you girls supposed to wear some cute little bra with matching underwear to bed?"

"All the girls you've dated must have been secretly hookers," snapped Raven.

"The point is," said James, before Sirius could answer Raven, "everyone has to be wearing only four pieces of clothing. So if you’re not then take something off or put something on to equal four things. There are three of us who play on the house team, so we need to split up."

Lily immediately clung to James' arm, knowing that since he actually played a chaser, she would have a better chance of staying clothed if she was on his team.

Remus decided he'd be keeper for Raven, Mundungus, and Peter while Lily was forced to be keeper for Sirius, Jordan, and James.

Mundungus started out with the quaffle and threw it to Peter, who dropped it. Dung turned to roll his eyes at Remus while Sirius scooped it up and threw it to James. James expertly dodged through the air as if there were bludgers coming at him and threw the quaffle towards the goal. Remus caught it before it went through the hoops and threw it to Raven. Raven caught it and sped off toward Lily. Jordan sped after her, but Mundungus grabbed onto the back of her, Jordan's, broomstick.

Sirius cut Raven off halfway down the field and flew backwards, facing her. Raven moved to the left and Sirius moved to his right. As she moved to her right, he blocked her moving to his left. She moved to the left again and just as Sirius followed she went into a deep dive underneath him. She came back up from the dive so fast that Lily wasn't ready and the quaffle went through the middle hoop.

"Yow!" yelled Remus from the other end of the field. Peter and Raven joined Remus and Dung, clapping their hands.

Sirius shook his head and shrugged off his robe. James did the same, and then he turned to watch Lily. She lifted her sweatshirt over her head only to reveal a dark blue t-shirt. James sighed. Jordan did the same, thanking Merlin that she had decided to wear a blank tank top underneath.

There was a crack of thunder and the six of them jumped. "Um...should we be playing in this weather?" asked Peter.


-----------------------


Albus Dumbledore leaned forward on his fists and spoke quietly and calmly, "And how exactly does one play strip quidditch?"

The eight of them immediately looked at the ground. It was obvious what they had been doing when he had met them in the entrance hall. They were all in folding chairs scattered in a circle around the headmaster's desk and soaking wet. James, on the far right, was grasping Lily's hand. Lily sat next to him shivering from her damp clothes and shaking nervously. Peter sat next to Lily, clutching his cloak around his naked upper body and blowing his nose into it. Sirius came next, wearing a mischievous smirk that was directed towards Raven Ashe. Raven wore only purple boxer shorts and a white, sodden tank top, but Sirius had taken his sopping wet cloak and draped it around her shoulders. Jordan was at least fully dressed, but was still shivering under her cloak. Remus gave her a sympathetic look as he sat, bare-chested with his own cloak drawn around him. Mundungus, on the far left, was also only half dressed, but seemed wide awake and was constantly looking from Raven to Sirius and winking at the latter.

Sirius decided to break the silence. "Well, Professor, it's played exactly the same as regular quidditch only...you strip when the other team scores a goal," he supplied bluntly.

"Ah," said the headmaster, nodding his head. "And can it only be played at two o'clock in the morning in the middle of a thunderstorm?"

"Um...no, it can be played anytime," responded Sirius, conversationally.

"Sirius, just shut up!" said Lily, glancing nervously at Dumbledore. He was only making things worse.

"Look, Professor," tried Remus, "it was a dare. Sirius dared James, but they needed more players, and then they spotted Raven and Jordan asleep by the fire in the common room, and...and then..." he trailed off as he noticed Dumbledore looking intently at him, as if he were reading his mind.

Dumbledore directed his gaze now to James and Lily. "And what do our Head Girl and Boy have to say about this?"

All of the blood rushed to Lily's face and she squeezed James' hand. James answered for her. "It wasn't Lily's fault, sir. I mean...it won't happen again, Professor."

"I see. Well I would imagine you'll all want to get into some dry pajamas after your hot cocoa." He waved his wand and eight steaming cups of hot chocolate materialized before them. "You may report back here tomorrow night for your detention."

One by one, the eight of them took a mug and filed wordlessly out of his office.

For the second time, Sirius broke the silence on their way back up to Gryffindor Tower. "So we're taking a rain check then?" he nudged Raven playfully in the ribs.

"You're not funny, Black," she responded coldly.

"I wasn't trying to be funny, Ashe. You really don't like me, huh?"

Raven smiled fakely at him. "What's not to like?"

"So, why have we never gone out?" he asked, slipping his arm around her.

Raven rolled her eyes and quickened her pace to catch up with Remus. "Is he always like this?"

"Pretty much," he answered, shooting a look behind him at Sirius and grinning. "I suppose you get used to it."

"And what if we don't want to get used to it?" teased Jordan, trotting along next to Remus.

"Sorry you two got sucked into this tonight," Remus said, looking from Raven to Jordan.

"Don't be sorry, Remus," said Raven.

"Yeah, it was fun until it started to rain," added Jordan.

They entered the common room and Lily headed straight up to her dorm saying goodnight to James on the way. He turned to the rest of them.

"So...whose turn is it?"

"You do know it's after two in the morning, right?" asked Remus.

"It's Friday, Moony. We can sleep in tomorrow," said Peter as he slumped down in a chair by the fire.

Jordan and Raven had gone to gather their things from a table in the corner where they had fallen asleep before the game.

"So, studying for O.W.L.s?" asked Remus and he helped Jordan gather her History of Magic notes.

"Trying to, anyway," she answered.

Sirius sat next to Raven who was pulling rolls of parchment from around her and stacking them neatly into a pile. "Did it hurt?"

"Raven turned to look questioningly at him. "Did what hurt?"

"When you fell from heaven," he replied, giving her a sexy smile

Raven rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like a bitch," she responded automatically.

"Where?" he asked. "I could kiss it and make it all better for you."

Raven scoffed. "You're offering to kiss my arse then?"

Remus and Jordan snickered.

Sirius ignored them. "If need be. Whatever you like," he winked.

"Can you stop that, please?" asked Raven.

"Stop what?"

"Hitting on me. It's not getting you anywhere, okay?

After handing her a stack of notes he had gathered up for her, Sirius pulled his own parchment from his robes and sat at the table. "Mind if I borrow this quill for a second?" he asked.

Raven stared at him. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

Sirius completely ignored her and started to scribble furiously on his parchment:

--------------------------

30 - The staffroom (which is guarded by gargoyles) is not filled with yummy candy and it is wrong to tell first years that it is.

31 - 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys' is a bad long-term goal to give at career advice.

32 - Any device that can crawl across the table on medium should not be brought into the Great Hall.

33 - Not allowed to play strip Quidditch.

------------------------

"So, how come you hate my cousin?" asked Sirius as he returned the parchment to a pocket in his robes.

Raven looked at him. "Bellatrix? Why, you got a problem with that?"

"Actually no," said Sirius, "I think that's my favorite thing about you so far."

Raven said nothing.

Sirius continued, "So, what are the chances of the two of us engaging in more than just conversation tonight?"

Raven rolled her eyes again, shrugged off Sirius' wet robe, and handed it to him. "Slim to none."

Sirius perked up. "So you're tellin’ me there's a chance?"

"Why don't you go on up. I'll be there in a few minutes," she replied.

As Sirius sprinted up to his seventh year dorm, Raven gathered up all her notes and books. "Night, Remus, I'm going to bed."

"Night."

Jordan followed behind Raven. "Goodnight, Remus."

"See you."

Remus, Peter, James, and Mundungus continued up the stairs to their dorm.

As they entered, Sirius called from his four poster bed, "Dammit, Moony! Did you hafta call the game right at that second? One more goal and Ashe would have been down to her skivvies!"

"Yes, Padfoot, I had to. The storm was getting worse. Besides, that would have left Wormtail, Dung, and I in our boxers!" he shivered at the thought. "And can you imagine what a little electroshock therapy would have done for your libido?" Remus responded, smirking along with James, Dung and Peter.

Sirius snorted. "Hot to trot!"

"Yeah, the next girl that took him on would light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars!" laughed Dung.

"Maybe that's why Raven never showed," said Sirius, gloomily.

The five of them laughed loudly as they changed into dry pajamas and fell onto their beds.

---------------------------

A/N: That was just a fun little chapter. Hope you liked it. There may be a few mistakes, but I was in a hurry, so I'll proofread later. I just thought I'd update quick because I’m going to a concert tonight and I’m waiting for my best friend to pick me up. Besides, you guys are such good reviewers. Maybe I'll come home to some wonderful reviews, what do you say? Hope you liked this chapter's additions to the list. I'm saving the best for last, so stick with me and keep up the great reviews. The next chapter’s all ready to go and it’s entitled: “Diarrhea of the Mouth.” Reviews will let me know that you’re ready to read it. Luv, Liveley.


Chapter 8: Diarrhea of the Mouth
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list.

A/N: Thanks for the great reviews, guys. And thank you for reading even if you don’t review. You are special people. I’m trying to guilt trip you into reviewing right now… It’s not working so well. But seriously, I respond to every single one of my reviews, so why wouldn’t you? Hehe. Sorry I didn’t get this one out sooner. With Thanksgiving and Christmas—excuse me, Holiday—shopping (that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, not being able to say “Christmas!”) I completely forgot about it. But here it is and do enjoy it.
~Ever Changing Anthem


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 8 - Diarrhea of the Mouth


"Hey Ashe, I waited for you all night!" Sirius called down the corridor as he spotted Raven and Jordan coming out of charms and retreating in the opposite direction.

Whether Raven didn't hear him, or was pretending not to hear him, Sirius didn't know, but he assumed it was the latter. He shook his head, "Man, that girl sure does hate me."

"But that doesn't bother you at all, right?" asked Remus, giving him a knowing look.

"It's not as if I've never been turned down before, Moony..."

Remus stopped walking and rose his eyebrows at Sirius.

"...It's just that I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

Remus gave a sarcastic laugh.

"So you think she might like me a little bit?"

Now Remus really laughed. "No."

Sirius just smiled conspiratorially as he and Remus continued on down the corridor to their next class. "She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine."

Walking along the dungeon corridor, their pace slowed. Sirius flung out an arm to hold Remus back before they reached the door.

"I don't think I can do this."

Remus sighed. "Sirius, you want to be an Auror."

"Yeah, but--"

"To even qualify for Auror training you have to take potions...remember?"

"Well, you could take notes for me, mate," declared Sirius, clapping Remus on the shoulder and turning to head back down the corridor.

"I could...but I won't," he responded. "There's always James."

Sirius turned hopefully to James, who was just rounding the corner with Lily. "Jay! Best buddy in the whole world!"

"Trust me, Sirius, you don't wanna skip today," said James, watching Lily enter the potions classroom and beckoning Sirius toward him.

"I...I don't?"

"No, you don't." James reached into a pocket and pulled out several glossy candies. Two were transparent, one blue and one red, and the third was an opaque purple. Each had a wrapper to match.

A devious grin slowly spread across Sirius' lips. "How could I have forgotten?"

"Now remember, Padfoot, be convincing!" said James, winking and entering the classroom.

Sirius followed James. His eyes darted around the room and came to rest on Severus Snape, standing only a few feet from the door. He grabbed James's arm roughly and spun him around.

"C'mon, James, give me one! You can't have them all to yourself!"

"Sirius, shh!!!" scolded James, putting on a panicked expression. "Do you want the entire class to find out about them?"

"Well I'm the one who thought of adding the popular potion so everyone'll like us more if we eat them!"

James grabbed Sirius's robes and tugged. "I said shut up!"

"Well then give me one, god dammit!"

"Fine!" James hastily reached into his pocket again, pelted Sirius with a few candies, and turned to take his seat in the back row next to Lily.

Sirius sighed and bent down to pick up the candies, conveniently leaving a purple one unnoticed behind. He popped a red candy into his mouth, and followed James. Snape's eyes lingered on the purple candy.

Sirius sat next to James and stared into his eyes expectantly.

"Wait for it," he replied as he inconspicuously glanced over his shoulder, pretending to stretch.

Snape casually took a few steps toward the purple candy, and then dropped his book bag onto it. As he swooped down to retrieve it, James and Sirius smirked mischievously at each other. The purple candy was gone. Snape swept his greasy hair out of his eyes and found his seat a few chairs away from Sirius. He glanced suspiciously over his shoulder at the back row.

Professor Pintaine cleared his throat and flicked his wand at the blackboard. Lazy, slanted writing was now creeping across it, writing the instructions for brewing their potions.

"If you would all begin copying these down now, instead of talking..." he let his voice drift away.

Slytherin and Gryffindor heads all bent down to their parchment as they began to copy the ingredients. Snape's eyes darted to James, as Professor Pintaine strode toward him and chuckled.

"Nice shirt, Potter."

James smiled jovially and nodded his head. "Thank you, Professor." As Pintaine sauntered away, he quickly buttoned his collar shirt again, hiding the "I Luv Potions" t-shirt he had bewitched to blink off and on.

"Wow, it even works on Professors?" asked Sirius curiously. James nodded. "Gimme another one!"

James pretended to hand Sirius another candy, unwrapped his blue one, and put it into his mouth.

After witnessing this, Snape hastily reached into his own pocket, found the purple candy, and ate it.

Pintaine was at the head of the classroom again. "Now, can anyone tell me what this potion is used for?"

Sirius and James looked at each other and grinned maliciously. “I do believe Snape knows,” said Sirius.

Snape's hand shot up as did a Slytherin girl in the second row. Professor Pintaine inclined his head to the girl.

"It increases endurance."

Sirius pounded his fist to the desk, and James shook his head at him. "Be patient, Padfoot. Snape'll get the next one.

"Five points to Slytherin..." nodded Pintaine. "And what other names does it go by?..."

Snape's hand again shot into the air. Pintaine inclined his head once again, this time to Snape.

Snape stood and opened his mouth as though searching for words. Then he smiled and said confidently, "I am an ugly slimy git, and I only bathe when someone sticks my head down a toilet."

The entire class turned to look at Snape, a few seconds behind James and Sirius, who were already gazing at Snape, looking utterly bewildered.

"E-excuse me?" stuttered Pintaine.

"Sirius Black is without doubt the best looking guy on the entire planet."

James's face contorted into a satisfied smirk as the entire class turned to look at Sirius, who had given James a quick jab in the ribs and buried his nose in his parchment.

"I see..." said Pintaine. "Well, if you'll please continue to copy down the--"

"But I much prefer James Potter, that sultry, robust god amongst men," added Snape hastily.

Sirius couldn’t suppress a giggle as he bent low over his parchment.

James face went crimson as the entire class erupted into laughter. Snape, however, seemed to be in a sort of daze, unaware of the hilarity his words were causing among his classmates. The only other student who wasn't joining in on the laughter, was Lily Evans. She was giving James a very suspicious, very intimidating glare.

Professor Pintaine's mouth suddenly became very thin. "Potter, Black, Lupin, would you care to visit the Headmaster?"

Remus rolled his eyes and joined Lily in giving James the death stare.

"Remus didn't do anything, it was only--" started James.

"To the Headmaster..."

"Absolutely," answered Sirius defiantly, happy enough to get out of class. He stood up and popped another red candy into his mouth as he exited the classroom.

James (with Lily tut-ing after him) and Remus reluctantly followed Sirius out into the corridor. Pintaine returned to the blackboard. "Right class, gather the ingredients for the—"

"Professor Pitstain should really think about using deodorant when he gets up in the morning."

"Sit down Mr. Snape," said Pintaine through clenched teeth.

With that, Snape again took his seat and began to copy down the instructions from the blackboard as though nothing had happened.

Sirius spit his red candy out the nearest window as the three of them made their way up to Dumbledore's office.

"What the hell was that all about, or don't I want to know?" asked Remus.

James reached into his pocket and pulled out a purple candy. "Hungry, Moony?" He grinned now that Lily was not there to scold him.

Remus looked as though he'd rather jump into the lake and wrestle with a kappa than take what James was offering him. James then removed the blue candy from his mouth and showed it to Remus.

"Snape had the purple, Sirius had a red, and I had this one. Blue and red make purple, get it?"

"Thanks for the tip," Remus replied dryly. "So, if Snape takes the purple one and you idiots eat the other two, you can control what he's saying?"

"Pretty much. What we think, he's forced to say out loud."

"So if you ever wanna get a girl, mate, I got your back," said Sirius, winking at Remus.

Remus snorted. "I'm already visualizing the spellotape over your mouth."

"Doesn't matter, I only have to think it, remember?" replied Sirius.

"So how come Snape had no idea what he was saying?"

"That was my idea," said Sirius proudly. "We put a Confundus charm on the purple candy mix before it hardened. Snape was in a sort of trance. He had no idea what was going on around him until either James or I took the candy out of our mouths."

"Well, in the future, you might want to make him say things about someone other than yourselves so I don't get kicked out of class all the time," Remus said.

"Yeah, didn't think about that," laughed Sirius. "It was worth it, though. Besides, we have a date with Dumbledore anyway, to talk about our detention from last night."

"Ah, yet another escapade that was entirely not my fault that I got in trouble for," said Remus, sarcastically, although he was smiling now.

When the three of them returned to the common room, they saw that potions class had already been dismissed. Lily was waiting for James with her hands on her hips and her right foot patting the floor irritably. She swooped down on James as he climbed through the Fat Lady portrait.

"James Potter, what did you do? How could you get sent to Professor Dumbledore's office when we already have a detention from him?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and quickly dodged Lily's gaze, retreating to a table in the corner. Remus and Peter (who had just come from Herbology) followed him.

"Well, it's about time I did my homework." He unfolded his essay and began scribbling immediately:

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34 - Not allowed to send Howlers to myself.

35 - Not allowed to start a betting pool as to when Severus Snape will ever take a bath.

36 - Not allowed to make love to any Hogwarts statues.

37 - Not allowed to give Snape candy and then use it to take over his brain and make him say incriminating things.

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After allowing Remus and Peter to read "his masterpiece" Sirius folded it and lovingly placed it safely back inside his robes. James and Lily were still going at it. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"See, that's why I never stay with a girl for more than a few weeks," proclaimed Sirius. "They act like they're your mother, and it's bad enough to have one mother, you see what I'm saying?"

Remus now rolled his eyes while Peter laughed.

"You're saying you don't want someone going," Peter's voice changed into a high female-like one, "'Sirius Lee Black, how dare you give Snivelly a boob job?'"

Sirius smiled widely. "Exactly."

"Let me guess, you want her to worship the ground you walk on and praise you for every prank you pull?" asked Remus.

"Yeah! Exactly what I've been telling everyone! I'm really easy to get along with once all you people learn to worship me." He laughed, but then his expression turned sincere. "No, she's entitled to her own opinion, Moony. I just don't want her forcing her opinions onto me."

"Well, all girls do that, don't they?" asked Peter.

Remus ignored Peter. "I can see your point, Padfoot, but I still think you're full of crap."

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A/N: Well, I hope you liked that one. Do let me know by reviewing, won’t you? Good reviewers make good updaters. Just a reminder. The next chapter is called “Dumbledore Dare.” What did you all think of the new movie? I was actually pretty impressed with this one. If you care to talk about it, IM me or tell me in your review and I’ll respond. Have a nice day!
~Ever Changing Anthem




Chapter 9: Dumbledore Dare
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list. There is also a song in this chapter. It's from West Side Story.

A/N: Enjoy the chapter; I got this idea from a particularly good RP session that I had once.

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Chapter 9 - Dumbledore Dare



In his admirable haste to lead his fellow marauders to the mischief that awaited them, Sirius took the dorm steps two at a time to get down to the common room. He stopped dead on the last step as his eyes darted to the opposite corner of the room; Lily and Liva were sitting at the table - actually it was more like lying over it. The two of them were red in the face from laughing at Jenelope, who was standing on the table, doing the hokey pokey and singing loudly. The three girls also froze as the boys came to an abrupt halt at the bottom of the stairs. Sirius had stopped so suddenly that James knocked into him, sending him to the floor. Remus ran into James, pushing James to the floor, and as Peter let out a shriek, the four of them were inevitably sprawled at the foot of the boys' stairway.

With no one on top of him, Peter was the first to stand up and start fixing his hair. When they had recovered, Sirius led the way to the corner, smirking at Jenelope, who had frantically jumped from the table as he entered the room.

"All right, hand over your drugs," Sirius teased.

"Oh shut up, Sirius," said Lily, waving her hand dismissively at him. Jenelope was staring him down, while Liva looked around the room dreamily. "We were just playing a friendly game of truth or dare. What exactly were you doing?"

Sirius crossed his arms in front of him. "I don't have to answer to you, Evans. Direct your questions to my associate, Prongs."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I will not call him by a name no one will tell me the meaning of. James, what were you up to?"

James smiled sweetly at Lily. "Inspecting the halls?" he tried.

"Prefects inspect the halls, mate," said Peter intelligently.

"You're not helping, Wormtail," said James out of the corner of his mouth.

Peter sat at the table opposite Liva. "How do you play truth or dare?"

"If you pick truth you have to answer a question and if you pick dare you have to do a dare, duh Pettigrew," said Liva.

"Well I've never played it before," he replied defensively.

"Dude, we play it all the time," said Sirius, taking the seat opposite Jenelope, "only there's no truth; we just make each other do stupid stuff."

"What do you think you're doing, Black?" shot Jenelope. "You guys aren't playing."

"Oh come on, Nel, you know you wanna play with me," Sirius replied suggestively.

Jenelope cringed at the innuendo. Her words were drowned out by Remus' warning: "Sirius, cool it."

He and James also sat across from the girls.

"So...let's play," said Sirius.

"Fine, but it's my turn," said Jenelope quickly. "I did the last one." Lily and Liva nodded in agreement.

"Okay, go ahead, Jenel," said Remus.

"Sirius, truth or dare?"

Sirius gave Jenelope a sexy smile. "You just wanna dare me to snog you."

"We'll see," she answered him.

"Dare me."

Jenelope grinned maliciously.

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"Toothflossing stringmints."

The stone gargoyle suddenly came to life, winding slowly upward to reveal a set of stone steps that led up to Headmaster Dumbledore's office. Sirius stepped onto the first step as it moved up with a smug look on his face. James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Liva, and Jenelope stood watching him ascend.

Jenelope had a very satisfied look on her face. "Make us proud, Maria," she called as James muttered, "Engorgio!" and slipped his invisibility cloak easily over the six of them.

Sirius put on a fake smile and flicked her off. "Here goes," he said to himself as he rolled his eyes.

Then he began to sing: "I feel pretty... Oh, so pretty... I feel pretty and witty and..." he choked out the next word, "gaaaaaay... And I pity… any girl who isn't me today."

The gargoyle steps had reached the top and were now spinning in the opposite direction taking Sirius down again as he started to get into it. "I feel charming... Oh, so charming... It's alarming how charming a feel... And so pretty...that I hardly can believe I'm real."

As the steps reached the bottom where they started, since there was still someone standing on them, they wound upward once again. "See that pretty girl in that mirror there? Who could that attractive girl beeee? Such a pretty face! Such a pretty dress! Such a pretty smile! Such a pretty meeeeee--"

"Ahem."

Professor Dumbledore had opened his office door just as the gargoyle steps returned to the top again and stopped moving. He was wearing a bright blue onesie with footies and spackled with flecks of silver. His beard was braided and then tied in a knot. Sirius just smiled almost lovingly at the Headmaster.

"Please come in, Mr. Black."

Sirius reluctantly went into Dumbledore's office and made himself comfortable. He knew the office too well by now. Dumbledore sat across from him and looked into his gray eyes expectantly. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Well, first of all, thank you for the lullaby, Sirius."

"Uh, you're welcome, Headmaster," said Sirius, fighting the urge to smirk.

"Was there some other reason you came to my office?"

"No, Professor."

"Good then. You may go back to bed now," Dumbledore stood from his chair, "...I double dare you..."

The Headmaster gave a curt nod to Sirius, turned, and shut the door. Sirius could hear him whistling the next verse of "I Feel Pretty" to himself as the lock clicked.

He smiled inwardly and returned to the common room with everyone. Jenelope seemed to be upset that he had not gotten a week's worth of detentions. While everyone was still laughing at the dare he'd just done, Sirius pulled out his essay and scribbled a few more items:

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38 - Not allowed to anonymously offer a dating service to Slytherins and then set them up with their brothers/sisters.

39 - Not allowed into the girls' dormitories.

40 - Not allowed within 20 feet of the girls' dormitories.

41 - Not allowed to even set foot on the entire left half of the common room (which leads to the girls' dormitories).

42 - Not allowed to turn Severus Snape's clothes pink and expect to get out of detention by arguing that “pink is definitely his color” or that “men love pastels on a woman.”

43 - Not allowed to bang my head against a desk until I become disoriented and wander into the girls' bathrooms.

44 - Not allowed to put a charm on certain Slytherins so that rainbow colored foam comes out of their mouths every time they try to speak.

45 - Not allowed to ride Dumbledore's gargoyle stairway up and down singing "I Feel Pretty" until he comes out of his office and asks me to stop.

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A/N: I can’t tell you how much I luv it when guys sing that song. You want to watch Anger Management right now, don't you? Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson singing that is just priceless. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I used to do marauder RP's where we'd either play truth or dare or strip quidditch! Haha. That's how I get most of my ideas. Hope you liked the chapter. Should I do some more truth or dare for the next chapter??? Please let me know what you thought. Sorry this chapter was so short. I gave you extra list items to make up for it. The next update will come soon I think. Please leave me a review or I will have to resort to threats! …I think I just did, actually, lol. Luv, Liveley.


Chapter 10: Blue Moony
  [Printer Friendly Version of This Chapter]

Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius L. Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you all know the drill. I don't own any Harry Potter characters. I do however own the idea/plot for this fic, but it's based on Skippy's list.

A/N: Wow, no complaints about the Truth or Dare thing? I was expecting at least some since it's sort of a cliche topic...but a fun one to write! So I will continue with it. Enjoy!
Luv Liveley.


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Chapter 10 - Blue Moon...y



Sirius was sitting quite pompously on top of the table in the corner of the Gryffindor common room with his legs crossed. Jenelope was giving him the stink eye. He pretended to be deep in thought, but when he caught her staring at him, he smiled toothily at her and licked his lips.

"Jenelope," he said, now raising his eyebrows at her.

Jenelope's dirty look turned into a pleading one. "Sirius, don't be a prick."

"Payback time. Truth or dare?"

She gave him a look of pure hatred. He knew she was as much of a daredevil as he was. If she picked truth, he would know she was afraid of him. Neither Sirius nor Jenelope ever picked truth. Jenelope just thought that truth was boring and made it a point to always pick dare. Everyone assumed this was also Sirius' reason in never picking truth. But they were wrong. Sirius was afraid of what people might ask him, afraid (because they always put a truth spell on the room before starting a game) of what he might say, and that's why he always chose dare.

Jenelope did not know this, and, narrowing her eyes on him, she wasn't going to let him intimidate her. "Dare."

Sirius smiled ever so sweetly and in one quick movement was seated on the bench next to her. "You have a choice: me or Peter."

She didn't flinch. "Excuse me?" Peter's head jerked up from the table where he was trying to get a look at someone's charms essay that had been abandoned.

"Do you wanna snog me…or Peter?"

Peter went red and fell backwards off the bench.

"Sirius!" cried Lily and Liva at once. But he ignored them, fixing his eyes on Jenelope.

She answered him shakily, "Sloppy seconds aren't my style, Black."

"Well, I'm not asking you to shag me, now am I?"

Jenelope's nostrils flared and she stood up rigidly.

Sirius looked up at her, drumming his fingers on the space of bench in front of him. "I'm waiting."

"Fine!" she said shakily. Sirius rose an eyebrow. "...but in private." The other eyebrow now arched.

He grinned as he stood up. "Follow me."

They went up to the boys dorm lavatory, since the seventh year dorm was still occupied by the other, less-mischievous, sleeping Gryffindors. Sirius led the way in and, as Jenelope closed the door, he leaned up against the counter where there were a line of sinks and soap dispensers.

"You do like your privacy, don't you?" he said, growing a smile across his face.

"Let's just get it over with, Black." Jenelope closed the distance between them, yanked down on his shirt, and began kissing him roughly.

Sirius was taken aback slightly, but recovered with record speed, sliding his tongue into her mouth and turning so that she was now up against the counter.

As she drew back for breath, he let out a small chuckle. "Forgot you liked it a bit rough."

Although she again rolled her eyes at him, this time she was smiling. "Sirius, shut up."

He smiled back. "I've discovered the best way to shut you up is to kiss you."

"Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing up here?" she asked.

"Yeah, but you could have been doing it with Peter."

She wrinkled her nose. "And if I had chosen Peter?"

"I would have been insanely jealous and would have come up here anyway to throw him out and save you from his slobber."

She giggled. "To replace it with your own?"

"Naturally." They kissed again, more fervently.

Down in the common room, the remaining five were sort of shifting their gazes from one person to the next, with extremely annoyed looks on their faces.

"Gods, James, sometimes your best friend can be a real asshole," said Lily, more than slightly perturbed.

James scoffed and put his hands to his hips. "Lily, if you ever call Peter an asshole again, you can just forget about being my girlfriend."

"Oh really, James?" She rose her eyebrows questioningly at him.

His hands dropped to his sides. "No."

"I meant Sirius."

"I know. Did you expect me to disagree with you?"

It had been twenty minutes since Sirius and Jenelope headed for the stairs.

"He's just using her," whined Liva. "It's the same thing all over again. He gives her a little bit of attention, and she's head over heels again until the next week when she catches him in the broom cupboard with a fifth year Ravenclaw and swears she could never like Sirius Black ever again."

"I'd say he's probably giving her more than a "little bit" of attention just now," supplied Remus, dryly.

Lily and Liva groaned. Peter suppressed a laugh.

"Well can't anyone control him?" begged Liva.

"Sirius doesn't understand what he's doing. He...has selective sight. He only sees what he wants to see," explained Remus.

They sat in silence for the next five minutes. Then Liva shifted in her chair. "Well, honestly..."

She broke off because they finally heard someone coming down the boys steps. Jenelope reached the bottom first, with a whimsical look on her face. Sirius came behind her. He was positively glowing. James turned to Remus and rolled his eyes. They sat on the bench as closely as possible to each other.

"Well, I can't remember when I've had more fun, but if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed," said Lily, heatedly.

"Lil, sit down," said Jenelope.

"Yeah, Evans, nothing happened. I was showing her my...toothbrush," tried Sirius.

"Oh yeah?" she narrowed her eyes on him and then turned to Jenelope. "What color is it?"

"...Black," answered Jenelope.

"Black? I've never seen a black toothbrush before," said Liva.

"I know," answered Jenelope, "that's why I asked to see it."

"Uh-huh, whatever, it's your turn, Jenel," said Lily.

"Oh right." She snapped out of it. "Lupin?"

Remus' head jerked up. "Uh...yeah?"

"Truth or dare, Remus."

"Oh...crap. Dare."

Remus also tended to avoid truth questions, just in case anyone decided to ask him if he turned into a vicious monster once a month or something like that. That is, if he was playing with people other than his animagi best friends.

Sirius was currently in the clouds, scribbling items on his list:

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46 - Not allowed to start a nudist colony in the prefect's bathroom on weekends.

47 - Not allowed to offer sex ed classes to first through third years and other older "teenagers full of angst" who feel they are "lacking in carnal knowledge."

48 - Not allowed to imply that "Dad" (Professor Dumbledore) is "getting lucky" with "Mum" (Professor McGonagall) tonight in the middle of Transfiguration.

49 - Not allowed to hum "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye as I walk past Professor McGonagall ("Mum") and Professor Dumbledore ("Dad") "conversing" in a "strictly professional" manner in the hallway.

50 - Not allowed to charm Hogwarts statues to kick all Slytherin's "where the sun don't shine" as they pass by.

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Jenelope smiled. "I dare you to..." she thought for a moment, "go down to the entrance hall..."

Remus flinched and gave her an intimidating stare - well, intimidating for him anyway.

"Ya know that suit of armor by the giant picture of Yanni the Yeti?"

"Um...yeah..." he said uneasily.

"Yeah, go down to the entrance hall, and beg the suit of armor to take you back."

"Er, what?"

"Ya know, like you were having a relationship with it and it broke up with you and you're just so devastated, that you're begging it to take you back," she explained.

"Right..." he said, smiling a bit. "Okay. Any volunteers to distract Pringle and Mrs. Norris?"

"Sirius and I could--" started Jenelope.

With a sharp prod from Lily, James interrupted her. "I'll do it, mate."

As James went under his cloak to head off the caretaker and cat, Sirius consulted the Marauder's Map and let everyone else down safely to the entrance hall. There were two suits of armor, one on either side of the Yeti painting.

"Um...which one?" asked Remus.

"Whichever you find more attractive, stud," said Sirius, sarcastically. Remus rolled his eyes and grinned.

"And make it convincing or you'll have to tell the other one you're having its baby," threatened Jenelope.

"Oh my God," said Remus as he quickly strode up to the apparently more attractive suit of armor on the right side of the Yeti.

He walked up to it, took a deep breath, then dug in his robes for a piece of parchment. When he found a spare bit, he pulled it out and stuck it in front of the suit of armor's head.

"Oh, so this is how you break up with me, huh?"

"Heh," laughed Sirius.

Remus continued, pretending to read the note, "Oh, ‘but can we still be friends?' After all we had together, you're telling me it's over just like that? How can you do this to me?"

The rest of them started to giggle. "You gotta do better than that, Lupin," warned Jenelope.

"Billyyyy!" Remus pretended to cry, grasping the statue's arm. "I thought...I thought we were going to be together forever! Don't you remember?"

"Billy?" whispered Peter. Sirius shrugged in response.

"You told me you loved me!..." He was freely adding bogus sobs now. "And I believed you!... I am so stupid!... Why, God? Why???" He sank to his knees for full effect.

"You said I was your love bunny! Didn't I mean anything to you?" Remus looked lovingly into the slit in the helmet where the eyes should be behind it and waited for an answer. "...Fine. I can take a hint," he said, getting back to his feet. "Goodbye forever, Billy!"

With that, Remus turned on his heel and walked back up to the common room without a word to anyone.

Sirius followed behind him through the portrait hole. "Love bunny, huh?"

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A/N: Did I ever tell you that I get my inspiration from movies and RPs? Well, I do. Free Sirius icons to anyone who knows what I got "Billyyyy!!!!" from. ("I should have made love to you when I had the chance!") If you are gonna guess what it’s from and want me to send you an icon, make sure you tell me your email in the review, okay? Just type the word “at” instead of the sign. I feel compelled to warn you that there are only a few chapters left. I’m in the process of writing a sequel, but it kinda sucks right now. Don’t forget to leave me a review! Thanks for reading!
Luv, Liveley.


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