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My Reflection by Astrid Elisabeth

Format: Novel
Chapters: 55
Word Count: 115,470

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Drama, Romance, Angst
Characters: Dumbledore, Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Voldemort
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 10/03/2004
Last Chapter: 07/02/2005
Last Updated: 01/01/2012

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Lily Evans felt her leotard hug her curves. Her hands were placed in third position and her feet in fourth. She was standing there, prepared to turn and perform a hopefully triple pirouette in front of her audience. The smile of James Potter was on her mind. After all, it was because of him she was standing on this stage. She hated it, but that was the truth. This is a different James/Lily story with quite a few twists. Hope you like it! Banner by Iced_Cherriez.

Chapter 16: Busted!

Chapter Sixteen, Busted!

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If you can talk, you can sing.
If you can walk, you can dance.
- African Proverb

Every second person passing me praised my performance on Sunday. I was happy every time they did, it really made my spirit rise. My face was one big grin.

When I was about to leave for dinner on Monday, I saw James come down from his dorm with his trunk. He looked like he was about to leave…

“Are you leaving?” I asked in surprise.

“Yeah, Laura’s funeral is tomorrow, back in London,” he said, setting his trunk down by the stairs for the house elves to find.

“I totally forgot,” I said, reaching out for him.

He held me close for a moment, I heard him sigh deeply. But when he finally let go, he smiled at me.

“It’s ok, Lily. Don’t let this kill your good mood, you have every reason to be happy after last night,” James said.

“Thank you,” I replied in a cheerful tone. “Are you having dinner? Or are you leaving right now?”

“I’ll stay for dinner.”

“Okay, how long are you going to be home? A couple of days?”

“Yeah, I’ll return on Wednesday, I don’t want to miss out on more Quidditch-practise than necessary.. We’re playing Slytherin soon.”

“Ah, I see,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “You enjoy being Captain?”

We climbed out the portrait-hole and started walking down to the Great Hall.

“I love it more than anything, It’s been my dream since before I started Hogwarts,” he laughed. “I guess it’s the same thing about you and ballet?”

I shrugged. “You could say that, it’s been what’s kept me going through hard times, even though I started it for other reasons.”

“Really? Like after you broke up with… what was his name? Bryn Johnson? And when your father passed away?”

My mood fell considerably. Yeah, that had been hard times, but I hadn’t been sad, I had been angry and hurt.

“Yeah, like those times,” I said shortly.

“Well … Johnson is on the Hufflepuff Qudditch team, I could kick his ass for you the next match we’re playing against them if you’d let me.”

I smiled, looking oddly at him.

“That doesn’t matter. I’m through with him anyway, I don’t want to rip up in old wounds again..”

“I can tell you don’t want to talk about this?” James said after some thought.

“Good observation,” I smiled.

“So.. Ballet. What were the reason you started? How old were you?”

I saw he started to play with the sleeve of his shirt, looking at me with interest. I often started playing with my nails, my hair, anything, when I was nervous. Was it the same thing with James? Was he nervous?

“I started when I was five,” I said, searching his face.

“OK, did your parents make you start? That would be understandable, even though it isn’t hard to picture a five-year-old Lily Evans beg her mother to start dancing to become a prima ballerina…” He laughed and smiled warmly at me.

Suddenly I was the one starting to get nervous and quickly found my nails to concentrate on. I felt that little something inside again, whatever it was.

“Yeah, pretty much. My parents made me start taking dancing lessons.”

I think James felt I was reluctant, and I hoped he would drop the subject. But that didn’t happen.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” He suddenly said, lowering his voice. “You seem avoiding.”

“No, it’s nothing,” I protested, but my fingernails was heavily fiddled with.

He creased his eyebrows, but finally dropped the subject.

‘You don’t want to know, James.. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me too.’

“Dorothy is awfully quiet today, have you noticed?” Anna smiled at me when dinner was almost finished. “I think she doesn’t dare to pick on you because you really pulled that dance off, Lily.”

I noticed several heads turn and smile at me. Obviously people didn’t forget that too easily. I was glad.

When we walked back I saw from the corner of my eye James leaving the others to go to Hogsmeade to catch the train. He waved and said he’d give his mother his best from us. It seemed Remus, Sirius and Peter were not unfamiliar to the Potter family.

When we reached the Tower again, Remus stopped.

“Lily, could I talk to you for a second?” He said, dragging me slightly aside. “Or maybe a little more then a second…”

We ended up sitting outside in the grounds. We had found our scarves, it was chilly outside.

“I’m not seeing Gwen anymore,” he started.

It had only been a couple of weeks, and they weren’t together anymore? I couldn’t deny I hadn’t foreseen it. It was something that had stirred in my subconscious since they started going out.

“Oh,” I said, trying to seem understanding. “You didn’t tell her, did you?”

Remus snapped his head up.

“No, of course not! I just dated her for the shortest time, I don’t tell her something like that right away! She doesn’t know about me being a werewolf.”

“Ok, ok! I was just worried,” I exclaimed, trying to calm both him and myself down.

“Who broke it off?” I said quietly after a long break.

“I did,” Remus sighed. “She wasn’t right. Nothing felt right with her.”

I buried my head in my hands. “Why, Remus?”

“She wasn’t… Nah, just forget it.”

“No, tell me, Remus,” I said, not lifting my head. “You’re one my best friends, you can tell me anything.”

Remus laid down on the cold grass, placing his hands behind his head. He looked up on the steadily darkening sky.

“She wasn’t you, Lily.” He said quietly. “She wasn’t you.”

“Remus, don’t!” I exclaimed. “If you won’t let me love you, then you certainly aren’t allowed to love me either! Understand?”

I startled him with my sudden outbreak, and he sat up, not yelling back at me. He just looked into my eyes with his clear blue ones.

“I know, Lily. And I won’t. You’re as good as my sister, and I should treat you and love you thereafter.”

“Good,” I said, trying to keep steady.

I didn’t succeed, though. Soon we were laughing till our lungs were out of breath.

It was one of the strange things Remus and I had, that we could have an outburst of laughter in the most absurd situations.

We walked back to the castle, holding hands. Not the way a boyfriend and a girlfriend do, like brothers and sisters do.

That evening, I was buried in homework, just like the night before. When I was finished, it was almost two o’clock in the morning. I still found some time to write in my ballet-diary. I thought it was fun to have one, and I hadn’t written in it since the show. I was about to write about Dorothy’s despicable comments when I saw the portrait-hole open by itself.

I jumped in my chair, throwing my book aside.

It closed just as quietly, and I rose abruptly. Was it one of the ghosts? No, they never entered the houses using the doors. They went straight through them. I walked over to the portrait-area, and when I did, I heard footsteps.

I creased my eyebrows in concentration.

“Hello? Is anybody there?”

The noises stopped. I didn’t know where I had my very good hearing from, but is sure came in handy now.

“She’s coming closer, Moony…” I heard someone say from the stairs, it was so quietly you couldn’t even call it a whisper.

‘Moony? But that’s Remus’s nickname… It couldn’t be…?’

If it really was Sirius and Remus being invisible, I wanted to find them. I felt like I went into a little hide and seek game… I followed the sound, arms stretched out.

I heard them make nervous noises somewhere near the boys’ dorm stairs, and I continued to follow.

Then I felt something soft against my fingers… Something solid in thin air.

“Shit,” I heard Remus’s voice.

I grabbed whatever it was and shook it heavily. I heard both of them almost scream in unison, and then they stood there in front of me.

Sirius had a big cloth looking like a cloak in his left hand, and a bag over his shoulder. Remus had one of those as well, they kind of reminded me of Father Christmas.

“Now, now.. where have you been?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest, looking on them as if I was their mother.

When I went to bed that night I couldn’t stop laughing. It was really James’s job to fetch butterbeer from Hogsmeade together with Sirius for Halloween, but James was home in London, so Remus had to take over the job. It was James’s invisibility cloak they had been hiding under, and I was having so much fun catching them. I wouldn’t forget that in a long time..

I was hoping that Sirius and Remus didn’t tell James about me busting them, so I could annoy James to his wits telling him myself.

I pictured the situation so vividly.. “James? Do you think I could borrow that special magic cloak of yours? The one that makes you disappear? Like.. turning invisible?”

I smiled to myself, looking forwards to his return on Wednesday.