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I always knew it's you by ScaredSissi

Format: Novella
Chapters: 3
Word Count: 10,457
Status: WIP

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Contains profanity, Scenes of a mild sexual nature, Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme

Genres: Humor, Romance, Young Adult
Characters: Lupin, A. Longbottom, James, Lily, Sirius, Pettigrew, OC
Pairings: Remus/OC, James/Lily

First Published: 06/27/2016
Last Chapter: 08/09/2016
Last Updated: 08/09/2016

She has always dreamed of being in love. Not just any kind of dull, everyday love. A raging, earth shattering, relentless love, one that is the work of destiny, not just lonely nights and vast amounts of wine. Too bad he doesn't acknowledge her existence. Too bad he is full of secrets. Too bad that Hogwarts of the 70's is not the most romantic of places. Too bad that even with the greatest of loves come consequences. Is she ready to endure the love of her life? 

Chapter 3: Of vomit horror stories

 Disclaimer: I still do not own the Harry Potter universe, but I have managed to obtain myself a dry shampoo and daaamn, there’s no way magic is not involved in that.

Another thing I managed to obtain is a copy of Harry Potter and the cursed child, during the midnight release at Waterstones in Glasgow and it has left me with lots of ambivalent feelings. Like I feel the magic in me coming back to life, but on the other side it seemed a bit..staged. (I know, It’s a play)I feel like the changing past to change the future format is a bit overplayed, the characters felt kind of ..out of character and the whole thing was like a lifetime movie. I would love to hear your opinions on the issue and also of course, on the story.


Wednesday, December 7th, 1976, 12.22, the hospital wing

I was supposed to be gone by nine. I was supposed to attend the afternoon classes, too. Too bad I just woke up and, as Madam Pomfrey said, used pejoratives absentmindedly when she tried to wake me up earlier.

She also allowed me to stay in the hospital wing  as long as I needed to and pointed out those leaflets she left me, again.

That leaves me here, lying in the bed worthlessly, too tired to move, too awake to sleep.  Since when are hospital beds comfy ? Does the „every bed is more comfortable in the morning“ paradigm apply to hospital beds ? Because sweet baby Merlin, I feel like I am being caressed by thousands of heat radiating angels.

I am not ready to face the world yet. I know that my dear Lily with her so-called Great sacrifice brought the attention of the Hogwarts gossip mill to herself, but who knows? Maybe vomiting in the great hall is something to be eternally remembered. I should start transporting through sewerage, like pipes or something to avoid meeting other members of the magical folk. I really hope they aren’t clogged up by some sort of giant reptile.

Why do I even worry? People in Hogwarts puke ALL THE TIME. It’s because of that overly- developed social life here. Party after every single quidditch match, the opening party, the christmas party, the ‚talk like a pirate‘ party.. I have only been to some of them, but there has always been a person that was found hurling out of the window or into helmets, which they tore down of those medieval armours in the corridors.  Mostly that person has been Solbjørg and we had to deal with her drunk, sick, but still promiscous self.  That’s why I never really enjoyed those parties. Well there has been one I really liked, held by those pacifistic kids  as a silent resistence to Voldemort’s violence.To be honest, I don’t remember much of that party, just flowers in my hair, some magical herbs and excessive huging. But that’s not the point.

I’m never leaving this glorious bed.

I might be depressed. Maybe it’s time to read those stupid leaflets. It’s not like I have something better to do.

I set aside ones featuring teenage pregnancy and STD awareness (i wish) and took the one named „A road to happiness“ , which I assumed by that clichéd title, must be about depression. Besides a very upbeat picture of laughing multiracial teenagers, the leaflet included 11 warning signs of depression. They could all be applied to Lily lacking her morning coffee, but, except maybe for number 8 -Sleeping too much or not enough- I seem clean.

Sometime between „You are never alone“ and „Depression is a sickness like any other“ I heard my stomach rumble. I kind of realized I haven’t eaten since yesterday’s destructive breakfast, but I tried to ignore this fact and focus on the important stuff. Like never leaving the hospital wing.

Hunger is a huge violation of my plans though. It might be my body trying to tell me to stop being such a wuss and go face the world as a brave, independent person that I am.

It was bound to happen some time anyway, so I might just get it over with.

I threw the soft covers of me with determination, only to reveal that I was still wearing Remus’s shirt.  After a quick panic attack I realized I haven’t done the obvious, stalkerish thing.  I brought the collar up to my nose and sniffed. I thought maybe it will smell like him. Not that I knew what he smelled like. Much to my dismay it only smelled like every other piece of clothing in Hogwarts, washed by the house elves. What should I do with it ? Give it to the elves and have it washed and returned, without as much as a thank you?  Give it back myself? Clean it myself? How do I wash clothes using magic?

It’s the moments like these that I realize that I’m utterly useless in practical life. I can turn a mango into a pair of acceptable tapdancing shoes, but when it comes to utilities..

I changed into my uniform, which I found on a chair next to my bed and tried to fix my hair somehow. Then, sporting a messy, greasy ponytail, I failed to locate my bag so I grabbed Remus’s shirt and my wand and headed to the Great hall.

 Even though I still felt weak, I rushed through the corridors like the wind in order to make it to the lunch untill it’s over. It’s starting to feel like a daily routine.

Just as I was approaching the door to the Great hall, it burst open. James Potter marched out, radiating pure anger. Black was trying to catch up to him and when he finally did, he patted him on the back.

I am no master in divination, still I can easilly guess what is this all about.

„But it was her who kissed me!  It must have meant something !“said James, while he waved his arms around wildly. It is kind of dangerous to stand near him when he’s mad. Not that he’s aggressive, he could just gesticulate you to death.

„Prongsie..“ Sirius was still patting him fondly on the back, looking sympathetic.

The door opened again and revealed Peter,  who was still chewing on a greasy looking piece of meat that he was holding .

„Whof’s goin on?“asked  Peter while providing an undelightfull sight at the contents of his mouth.

And right behind him was.. Oh, eff, no. Remus Lupin in all his glory.

Our eyes met for a while and my knees went weak.

He looked tired, but unlike me, still somehow lovely.

He was tall, much taller than me, so I had to look up to him. His hazel eyes spread warmth around my body. It always felt like with just a single look, he could peel every layer of me and look right into my core. I only wish it would work both ways.

My awkward staring fest was interrupted by a pair of arms, jerking my body.

„You! You are her  friend, right?!“ shouted James Potter, owner of those arms.

„ Eh, right?“ I answered, surprised.

„ Did she say anything  about me ?“ continued James, still shaking me a little.

I couldn’ţ help myself, at that moment I felt genuinelly sorry for him. He looked like a puppy that has been left alone near a dumpster after Christmas. We all have completelly written him out as a bully and took his feelings towards Lily as a joke. A very bad, awkward, elaborate joke.

But right now, he seemed honestly desperate. And ..hurt?

Before I could give him an unpleasant answer, Remus started removing his  arms from me.

His fingers brushed my arms briefly and as an instinct, my brain stopped working. I must have looked like an owl, because my eyes were openly gaping at him without my consent and I clutched his shirt so tight my knuckles went white.

After he completely removed me from James's death grip, he reattached him to Sirius, who started to hug him affectionately. „It’s ok, bro. It’s fine. Come on starboy. You know women, they don‘t know what they want“, said Sirius reasuringly, as he patted James’s back and dragged him to the staircase.

I turned my attention back to Remus, who was regarding his friends with a loving smile, that could be stemming only from the feeling of pure bromance. Suddenly, he became even more attractive for me.  My mates mean the world to me, they are always a priority and that is set in stone. Now it seemed that Remus felt the same for his little cliqué. We might have something in common after all.

„You look better now.“

Remus’s remark startled me as I was still gazing at him lovingly.

„Well, considering the last time you’ve seen me I was unconscious and covered in remnants of my breakfast..“ Do I even need to mention that I kind of suck at flirting?

„Yeah, sorry I didn’t really think it through. What I meant is that I’m glad you feel better now. You kind of scared me, to be honest. Is that my shirt?“ He said as he focused his attention to the piece of clothing that I was still clutching to my chest.

„Yes, yes I’m really sorry. And thankful. And kind of embarassed. Really embarassed. Sorry you had to see that.“ I handed him the shirt and kind of hoped the ground would swallow me before I had to look him in the eyes.

„Anna, calm down. There is nothing to be embarassed about. Everybody pukes. Actually I have heard of a chap that ate some kind of bad enchilladas, because the cooks in his summer camp liked to experiment with various tastes and cuisines, you know, like, what’s wrong with good old regular eggs and beans? That’s not the point though. Well, he ate the enchilladas and prepared himself for his very first big role, Dumbledore in the camp’s theatrical rendition of Grindelwald’s fall.“

„Oh I bet the curse of vomit has foiled the poor lad’s plans.“

„Indeed you are right. Not only he has hurled on the first two rows of audience, including his previously very proud parents, no, he went to lie down, but he was too weak to climb down his bunk, so he just vomited on the bottom bunk and the floor, until his puke stained parents came to pick him up. Everyone thought he had some kind of stage fright. Which was not true, I was, I mean he was perfectly prepared.“

I laughed.

„That makes me feel much better, thanks. But I’d be happier if people thought I had stage fright than that I was hiding a pregnancy or a notorious drinking habit.“

„You don’t struck me as a person who would depend on what other people think.“

„And I don’t!“ I protested, even though I kind of do care what people think of me and mostly, what he thinks of me. Apparently he thinks hurling in the Great hall is acceptable and I’m not going to argue with him.

„So leave it like that. You can’t let other people dictate what you should or shouldn‘ t be doing in your life. Unless you want to murder someone. In that case act according to public opinion. Merlin you are looking at me like you either understand my type of humour or you think I’m an absolute lunatic.“

I laughed again. Actually I was laughing way more than I ever imagined that I would be, if I ever gathered up the courage to talk to him. I always regarded him as the quiet mysterious brooding type, a man of few words, all of which are inteligent or well, mysterious and brooding.

„Like you care about an opinion of an addicted soon-to-be mother. JK. Even if I thought you were bollocks it shouldn’t matter to you. Isn’t that today’s lesson?“

„Well, sometimes it’s easier to teach than to practice. That either makes me a hypocrite or a shitty teacher. I’m sorry Anna, but really I’ve had some dumb things said about me too, so I know how much harm that can cause to a person’s psyche, not to mention self image. You didn’t do anything wrong, you just ate some..“


„Right, strudel. Anyways I should get going now, if you don’t mind. It was nice talking to you, Anna.“

Is it just me or does the guy have some kind of fixation on my name? Anna. Aahna. It just sounds so right, coming out of his mouth. I can totally imagine various life situations with him saying my name. Like „Anna, my goddess, the reason I’m alive, will you spend the eternity in a devoted matrimony with me?“, or „Walk the dogs, Anna,  I will take care of our seven children.“

„Thank you Remus, I will try to live by your well meant hypocrisy. I also have some serious bussiness to take care of now.“ My stomach growled.

„That makes me very proud. Perhaps I should pursue a career in counseling. Next I advise you to go fill that thing now, since you’ve emptied all of it’s content yesterday.“

„Great, you are making fun of me now.“ I said, mockingly offended.

He smiled and said: „Talk to you later, Anna.“

TALK TO YOU LATER. There will be a later. We are connected now. By vomit horor stories, but it’s something! We are acquaintances, I can greet him when I meet him on the corridor. Merlin, I’m mad.

As I was busy creating unrealistic situations in my head, mostly involving me falling of the stairs and Remus heroically catching me, my feet automaticaly lead me to the Great Hall. As I opened the heavy door, it was like the time stopped. For a split second everyone turned their heads to me and I gasped. Then, just like that everyone went back to doing their bussiness. No fake gagging, no whispering. I was safe and I knew exactly whom to thank for that.

I ran straight to Lily, who had her mouth full of lentil soup and gave her a hug. It was The Great sacrifice, that stole the spotlight from my incident. I couldn’t help myself, but felt that none of us has made the biggest sacrifice. It looked to me that James was the real victim of this unfortunate situation and I was not going to leave it like that.


Friday, December 9th, 1976, 19:38, 6th year girls’s dormitory

„I‘m telling you I’m not going to wear that!“ shouted Lily as Solbjørg showed some dress in front of her face. The dress was actually Solbjørg’s shirt, but as a true viking girl, she was much taller than Lily, so it actually reached few centimeters bellow Lily’s butt.

„But you have to! You should make it up to James somehow, even if you want to reject him. You will at least offer him a mental picture that he can later on... use.“

„EEEW, Solbjørg stop being gross!“

„There is nothing gross about the human physique. We are all created with specific needs, teenage boys just have more of them. That is nothing to be grossed out about.“

„Ah Solbjørg, you and your norwegian stoicism will never cease to amaze me.“ Alice has joined in the conversation, while braiding her dark brown hair.

„Lily, I think Solbjørg is making some solid point there,“ I chimed in, „I’ve told you, the guy looked seriously hurt, you should throw him a bone.“

„Seriously hurt? Are you listening to yourself? Because we are talking about Potter here. Potter, who has been making my life miserable for years now. Do you not remember how he absolutely destroyed any of my chances of finding a paramour by claiming that i have vaginal mycosis? Or how he invented a spell that made my hair all electrocuted so I‘d look like a giant painting brush and no one would ask me out for Valentine’s day?“ she straight up screamed and waved around with a comb for emphasis. „You know damn right tham I am in no way dependent on getting a man. I can get by on my own, but I would at least like a possibility to find a proper, intellectually stimulating, easy to look at partner. What if I am missing out on something? Not enjoying my young years enough because of some bullying prat?“

„You should have just shagged him a long time ago, Lils. It’s a win-win scenario. Either you fall in love with him and start to actually enjoy his kind of creepy and resilient attention, or you’d perform disappointingly in bed and he’d ditch you. See? Foolproof.“Said Solbjørg knowledgeably.

„You are forgetting one serious plottwist,“ I said „what if she falls in love with him and he ditches her due to her lacking bedtime acrobatic skills?“

„That’s genius Anna. She could spend rest of the year chasing him around like he chased her. Perfect revenge.“

„Well first of all, thank you for the sincere trust you have expressed in my sexskills. Second, let’s be honest here, Potter doesn’t like me. He just chose me as a target of his bullying, which he perfoms so he would entertain the castle and keep up his macho alfa male reputation. Don’t think I didn’t give it some serious thought. But he is just so cruel, you know? I mean if he really liked me, he wouldn’t be cruel. He would not humiliate me and enjoy making me cry. And he wouldn’t be found snogging some new girl with poor judgement every other week.“

The silence fell as we all nodded in agreement. Lily was making some solid point here, since Potter may have performed his retarded stunts out of his undying love, but that didn’t change the fact that they were, well... retarded.

This realisation has left me kind of let down. I have always loved a good romance, but not just any kind of romance, not clichéed romance, not one that started with a one-night-stand.  A fateful romance, one that has never been too obvious. A special bond between two completely different, but at the same time startingly simmilar people. One that started with a single glance and never truly ended. One that lasted through tests of time, contrarious conditions, storms and sunshine and never gave in, never moved. It was just those two people braving the life together, hand in hand, untill death did them part.

It seems that I have somehow embodied these uber romantic ideas in Lily and James’s relationship which was utter rubbish, since there was no Lily and James’s relationship and James was an arsehole.

„Women, we are already more than fashionably late, so finish what you are doing and let’s get going. You know darn right we are going to spend half an hour more at that godforsaken door, because we are not smart enough to answer those transcendental questions.“ Stated Alice, who was already dressed up and ready to go thanks to her non-involvement in our heated debate.

„But Alice, you know whatever the question is, the answer is either time,a human, or a key.“ I added.

„Or Sun!“

„Okay fine, ready to go?“

„Not yet ready!“, exclaimed Lily as she tried to find a hole in hear earlobe with an earring. „Ready now!“

„PARTY! PARTY ! PARTY!“ we yelled in unison, which is a tradition of ours, invented to make us more excited.


„On we go!“

„On we go!“

„On we go!“

And on we went.