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Valour by blackballet

Format: Novel
Chapters: 45
Word Count: 100,067

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Contains profanity, Strong violence, Scenes of a sexual nature, Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme

Genres: Drama, Horror/Dark, Romance
Characters: Dumbledore, McGonagall, Lupin, James, Lily, Sirius, Pettigrew, Voldemort, OC
Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 08/07/2013
Last Chapter: 06/05/2016
Last Updated: 01/12/2017

banner by me 

Life goes on

But so does death


          Innocence and arrogance combine in a story about eight newly-graduated revolutionaries. 

Chapter 17: The Sadness in the Secret

 (October 24th, 1979)


“I really can’t believe this,” James said in disbelief, rubbing his hand over Lily’s flat stomach again.

“I know,” Lily squeaked out, smiling at James’ awe. He looked up from her stomach, and the right side of his mouth hooked up genuinely.

“I’m so happy, Lily.” He brushed a piece of hair out of her face, and kissed her nose before grabbing a book from behind her head. Lily rolled her eyes.

“James, you did the spell correctly. I’m pregnant,” she whispered, as if someone would be listening in.

“Let me just try again,” he said hastily, fumbling with his wand and pointing it at Lily’s stomach. He looked back to the book and mouthed the incantation silently. Lily smiled happily as James tried the spell again. Her stomach glowed slightly as James’ wand hovered over it, and his eyes lit up again. He tossed his wand to the side and picked Lily up from the sofa swiftly, spinning her around in his arms.

“We did it, Lil! We’re getting a baby!” Lily’s eyes watered slightly as James swung her around. She hooked her legs around his hips and James stopped spinning. Lily slid down from James’ arms and left her arms on his shoulders.

“I’m so…” Lily said as she searched for words, “excited,” she finally breathed out.

“We’re getting a baby, we’re getting a baby,” James sang, holding Lily’s hands and swaying in tempo with his song. Lily laughed quietly as her husband celebrated in his own special way. The way they used to, dancing around the Gryffindor common room at four thirty in the morning because they finished that Transfiguration paper that they’d put off. Kissing innocently behind statues during their rounds because they hadn’t had a free moment all day.

“And it’s perfect!” she exclaimed suddenly, as if just realizing something.

“What is?” James asked breathily as they stopped their dance. He ruffled his hair back and pulled Lily in closer to him. He picked up his wand and flicked it at the hi-fi. It played a slow song, and the two began rocking back and forth.

“He’ll have a July birthday!” She gripped James’ arms, and jumped on the balls of her feet. “Unless he’s late, then August,” she contemplated, tilting her head to the side and nibbling on her lip. “It doesn’t matter,” she said, smacking his chest. “He’ll always celebrate his birthday with family!” She tilted her head back and smiled widely at the ceiling.

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” James gushed quietly, gazing down at Lily in amazement. Lily blushed slightly and looked away from James.

“I know,” she said cockily even through her blushing. James put a thumb to chin and tilted her face up to his.

“Honestly, Lily.” He kissed her sweetly as they continued turning to the music.

“Mmmm!” Lily struggled against his lips and broke away from him. “Who’re the godparents going to be?” James wiped the disappointed look off his face and smirked at Lily.

“Don’t we want to wait for the baby to be born to name godparents?” he asked sensibly. Lily rolled her eyes, but leaned her head against his chest.

“No, silly.” Lily inhaled and snaked her arms around his neck. “We have to get them locked down right away! With Arthur and Molly for competition, who knows if any of our friends will have time to be godparents!” she rambled, stress riddled through her sentence.

“Calm down Lily. We’ve got Sirius, of course,” he mentioned slyly, peeking down at her for a reaction. Lily raised an eyebrow up at him, but her face broke into a smile.

“Well of course! He needs this, too. James this is perfect timing. But what about godmother? Dorcas or Marlene?” she pondered, tapping her lip and wandering away from James. He reached after her pointlessly, and followed her to their bedroom. “Or Mary? Oh, I don’t know,” she said, waving to herself as to clear her thoughts.

“Lily?” James interrupted, grabbing her elbows and leading her to the bed. “Let’s sleep for now. Good for the baby, you know?” Lily scoffed, but sat on the bed and rolled her socks off.

“Who would you prefer?” James looked at her scathingly and shook his head as Lily smiled at him with a quiet satisfaction. James sighed as he laid back on the bed with his arms behind his head.

“Marlene. She’s one of my best friends, Lil.” Lily crawled up to the top of the bed and laid next to James, her hand rubbing her stomach absentmindedly.

“You don’t think that’s weird? Sirius and Marlene?” James gave Lily a worried half-smile, and put his hand on top of hers.

“Nah, he’s over it.”

“Yeah, we all know Sirius is over it.” Lily turned on her side and smirked back at James. “But are they?”



“I’m going to be a godfather, I’m going to be a godfather,” Sirius chanted brightly. He and Lily were bouncing around the house, Sirius holding Lily’s shoulders and swaying her back and forth joyfully. 

“Let us at least try and ask first, Padfoot,” James interrupted, trying to hand Sirius a butterbeer to which he declined with a wave of his hand.

“Who needs that formality when I’m going to have a kid?” he exclaimed, shaking Lily again before taking her into a big hug.

“Oh!” she exclaimed as Sirius hugged her tightly again. Sirius pulled her back and a deep frown graced his face.

“Did I hurt it?” Lily smiled warmly, untangled herself from Sirius, and walked towards the couch.

“No, you didn’t hurt him,” she emphasized, sipping on the tea that James had made for her. Sirius looked at James in surprise, and James nodded. The two high-fived, and Sirius started singing again, floating into the kitchen to pour himself some water.

“I had no idea he’d be so happy,” Lily whispered across the table, putting her tea down and darting her eyes to Sirius, who was still dancing with himself. James shrugged and sat back in his chair.

“I say let him. First time in Merlin knows how long.”

“I’ve been happy,” Sirius said dejectedly upon returning to the living room. Lily and James turned their heads in false confusion. “Dog ears, James,” Sirius explained loosely.

“Sorry, mate,” James apologized awkwardly.

“But it’s true, Sirius!” Lily blurted inappropriately. He smirked casually and tilted his head back on the couch.

“How would you feel if you got kicked out?” he complained, picking at his fingernails. He reached into his shirt pocket and took out his pack of cigarettes.

“Padfoot!” James shouted shortly as Lily pursed her lips.

“Sorry, Evans. Force of habit,” he apologized. He stuck the cigarettes back in his pocket and smiled sheepishly at her. Lily smiled appreciatively, and yawned widely. James looked to her nervously.

“Maybe we should get to bed,” he said quickly, taking his beer into the kitchen and pouring it in the sink.

“He’s so tetchy,” Lily whispered to Sirius. He snorted into his glass of water, but got up anyway.

“He’s nervous, Lily. But he’s right. And I’m supposed to meet Dorcas anyway,” he wondered, looking to his watch.

“Oh she didn’t tell you?” Lily asked curiously. Sirius frowned at her suddenly, and Lily bit her lip awkwardly. “She must’ve forgotten. She’s still with Alice and Frank. They had to go, do something,” she amended, cutting herself off as she realized who she was talking to.

“Bloody brilliant. Look, I’ll see you soon, Lily,” he groaned tiredly, walking around the table to give her another hug. “Thanks for everything,” he whispered into her ear before pulling back and squeezing her hand before heading to the door. “Thanks mate!” he yelled to James, who was leaning against the sink in a sort of trance.

“Anytime, Pads!” he shouted back absently, waving in Sirius’ direction. Sirius smirked as he saw James shake his hair and head back into the living room. He zipped up his jacket, and strode out onto the front step of their landing.

Sirius stood outside the large house, shivering in the slight breeze that October gave off. He walked down the street slowly, taking a moment to look inside a pub that was a little ways from their house. He saw his reflection in the window, and did his best to wipe the scowl off his face. Of course, it was no help. He desperately wanted to be happy for Lily and James. And he kind of was! But seeing James so contented, seeing Lily so radiant, it only made him think of Violet Meadowes.

Marlene couldn’t believe how slow the Leaky Cauldron was this late at night. Or maybe that made a lot of sense. She aimed her wand at one of the large tables, siphoning off the spilled drink and messy crumbs. She didn’t have too much time to think about it as a group of kids, must not have been older than fifteen, waltzed in blissfully.

She turned her back, rolled her eyes, and let out a deep sigh as she headed back to the counter to take their order. One of the boys stepped forward cockily and the group parted the way for him to order.

“I’ll take a bottle of Firewhiskey.” He handed Marlene five galleons casually, leaning forward on his elbow. Marlene saw a few of the girls behind him giggle, and she grimaced.

“Identification?” she questioned, pushing his hand back a bit. He looked to the group, at which they all laughed again, and then back to her.

“Does it look like I need identification?” he countered, running his hand through his shaggy hair.

“It’s a compliment, sir,” Marlene answered sweetly, smiling her brightest smile. “Unfortunately, it is required,” she snarled gravely, pushing his hand away again. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” he urged, taking another galleon out of his pocket, leaning over the counter and placing it in her breast pocket. Marlene’s face dropped all pretense, and she turned away from the group of kids, focusing on sorting the menus on the table behind her.

“It’s just a little Firewhiskey!” one of the girls pleaded, making Marlene turn back to them. The boy glared at the girl angrily.

“Shut it,” he muttered. He looked at Marlene apologetically. “I’m sorry. It seems we all left our ID’s back at home.” He groaned in what Marlene was sure he thought was a relaxed manner. “You know how it is. We came straight from work.” He loosened the collar of his white shirt and leaned forward on the counter again.

“It’s funny,” Marlene said, feigning ignorance. “You’d think a couple of business workers such as yourself would know that a bottle of our Firewhiskey costs a little more than five galleons.” The boy’s mouth dropped slightly as Marlene leaned forward on the counter. “You can try again later,” she whispered, glaring at the boy with a fire in her eye. “The old blind man starts his shift in a couple of hours.”

The kid glared back at Marlene, and as she turned away again, he grabbed her arm quickly. “I guess I’ll be waiting for you when you get off, huh?” he asked as Marlene struggles against his grip. “Maybe I can get off, too?” he suggested. She pulled against him, but he tightened his hand around her wrist. “Just give us the drinks and we’ll be out of your hair,” he sneered, twisting his hand on her wrist and making her skin turn red. Marlene winced, her eyes watering slightly. She began reaching for her wand with her other hand when a voice cut her off.

“What’s the problem here?” Sirius asked from behind the boy. He let go of her arm automatically, and turned around under himself. Sirius towered over the recently-pubescent boy, and grabbed the front of his shirt. The rest of the group had scattered around the main floor of the establishment, now making polite conversation and trying to keep out of trouble.

“Nothing,” he murmured into his chest, avoiding Sirius’ steely gaze. Sirius grabbed the shoulder of his jacket and threw him at the table behind the two. Marlene gasped as the boy hit the table forcefully.

“That’s what I thought,” Sirius spat at him. The kid stood up and walked away with as much dignity as he could, adjusting his collar and putting a smile on as he approached his friends at the doorway. Sirius turned to Marlene, whose hands were still covering her mouth. “I didn’t know you worked here Mickey,” he said calmly, dusting his coat off.

“Was that whole display really necessary?” she squeaked out as a few of the groups in the restaurant eyed Sirius warily.

“Yeah. He reminds me of me. Nobody taught me a lesson, though,” Sirius said thoughtfully. Marlene rolled her eyes as Sirius preached to himself, and turned back to her menus. “What are you up to?” he asked, plopping on top of the counter and swinging his legs childishly.

“Not now, Sirius. I’m at work,” she moaned. Sirius said nothing, but snuck his hand behind the counter and put a bottle of straight Vodka in his coat. “Put it back Sirius,” she warned knowingly, tapping a sheet that had some kind of inventory on it with a quill.

“Come back to my place,” Sirius blurted out, toying with the jar of quills by the register. Marlene rubbed her wrist lightly and turned to now glare at Sirius.

“No.” She put her hand on his, stopping him from fraying the feathers any more than they already were. “We said September was the last time,” she said through her teeth as if Dorcas was hiding behind a plant.

You said September was the last.” Marlene went back to her paperwork and Sirius sighed. He flipped his legs over the counter and stood next to Marlene. He peeked over her shoulder, and Marlene stepped to the side purposefully. “Come on, it’s not even busy tonight,” he whined. Marlene turned around, and Sirius put his arm on the other side of her, trapping her in between his arm span.

“Why?” Marlene asked tiredly, leaning against the counter as Sirius’ hands rested on her hips. She pushed his hands away discreetly.

“Dorcas isn’t home. Also Lily is pregnant,” he muttered, kicking the counter that Marlene was trapped against.

“Lily’s pregnant!” Marlene cried out loudly.

“Yeah, now shush,” he reprimanded, putting a finger to her lips. “I guess no one’s supposed to know or something,” he said dejectedly, rolling his eyes.

“Regardless, I’m on until one, so I’m not going anywhere for three more hours,” she said, tilting her head to the clock that hung on the large staircase.

“I got Norman to cover for you!” Sirius said excitedly, bouncing as Marlene chewed on her lip in concentration.

“I thought you said you didn’t know I worked here?” Sirius scoffed and kissed Marlene unexpectedly.

“You underestimate me, McKinnon.” Marlene did her best to glare up at Sirius, but a smile crept up on her lips. Sirius smirked with superiority as Marlene turned back around and closed the book she was working on. She heard the door jingle, and saw Norman, the elderly man who worked the late night shift, walk in the front.

“How on earth did you get him to come in early?” she asked in awe. Sirius looked down on her lustfully as she smiled at the man that crept slowly towards the front desk. Sirius shrugged, placed his hands over hers, and the two whipped away.



“It’s the last time,” Marlene breathed out as they landed in the alley in between Sirius’ house and the next door neighbors. Sirius grabbed her hand, and the two ran towards his house excitedly.

“Sure, McKinnon,” he shouted back at her. Marlene rolled her eyes, and crashed into Sirius as he stopped short. He flipped around and grabbed Marlene’s shoulders. She giggled silently as he backed her against the brick side of his house. She stumbled over a rock, and Sirius caught her as she fell to the side. He held her side in one hand and her head in the other, kissing her roughly. Marlene stood on her toes to reach his mouth, and Sirius hunched over as much as he could.

Marlene broke away from Sirius, and landed back on her feet firmly, taking Sirius’ hand and running towards the front of the house again. “So is that why we broke up?” she asked as Sirius pulled his wand and aimed it at the lock. He didn’t answer as he muttered an enchantment at the door. It clicked open, and he pushed it in ushering Marlene inside quickly.

“What?” he asked hastily, pulling his jacket off and tossing it on the coat stand. Marlene removed her sweater and tossed it over the edge of the couch haphazardly.

“It’s because I’m too short?” she asked on the way to the bedroom. Sirius walked behind her, his shoe laces proving more difficult to untie than her trainers were to slip off.

“It’s because you thought you were a lesbian,” he groaned quietly, reminiscing something he really didn’t want to. Marlene stopped at the doorway, and poked Sirius’ chest.

“I’m bisexual. Get over yourself.” Sirius rolled his eyes as Marlene marched into his room and began stripping completely.

“Among other things, mind you,” he muttered before slamming the door behind him.