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Valour by blackballet

Format: Novel
Chapters: 45
Word Count: 100,067

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Contains profanity, Strong violence, Scenes of a sexual nature, Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme

Genres: Drama, Horror/Dark, Romance
Characters: Dumbledore, McGonagall, Lupin, James, Lily, Sirius, Pettigrew, Voldemort, OC
Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 08/07/2013
Last Chapter: 06/05/2016
Last Updated: 01/12/2017

banner by me 

Life goes on

But so does death


          Innocence and arrogance combine in a story about eight newly-graduated revolutionaries. 

Chapter 14: The Destruction in the Death

A/N: TW- there is reference to drug abuse in this chapter specifically.



(June 10th, 1978)


“So, Mr. Black.” Sirius smiled brightly at his favorite teacher.

“Please, call me Sirius,” he said smoothly as if he and Professor McGonagall were out on a first date.

“Sirius,” she said warningly, gripping her quill austerely.

“Yes?” he asked coyly, grabbing a cookie from the tin next to her.

“You’ve written nothing down in your aspirations column.” She held up Sirius’ request for a recommendation letter.

“I don’t have any aspirations, Minnie,” he said through the crumbs that fell into his lap. McGonagall produced a napkin from her desk drawer and handed it to Sirius pointedly.

“I’m writing you a recommendation to be accepted into the Auror Program. This isn’t something you should take lightly.” Sirius finished his cookie and leaned forward on his elbows.

“Look, Professor. Let’s be honest, here.” Sirius stopped talking until McGonagall looked up slowly from his application for her recommendation. “I’m doing this to fill out a favor to Evans. You know her, she gets all twitchy if we don’t plan.”

“Miss Evans is right to be twitchy,” she spat out angrily, crumpling up the paper suddenly. Sirius sat back in his chair as Professor McGonagall sat forward. Her eyes seared intimidation into his. “I suggest you take a second look at your form,” she said calmly, handing him a sheet from the top of a stack of papers. Sirius’ eyes shifted to look at the paper she handed him, and he took it reluctantly.

“Thanks, Minnie,” he said casually, grabbing his bag from the floor and heading out of her office without another glance. Minerva put her head in her hands as Sirius let the door close behind him. “But Professor?” she heard quietly through the door.

“Yes?” The doorknob turned, but the door didn’t budge.

“Do you think they won’t accept me because I’m a Black?” he asked swiftly as if he had been pondering that question for a while.

“Just get me that form, Sirius,” Minerva said with a sigh of relief. The doorknob turned back to its neutral position as Sirius let go of it from the other side.


(June 10th, 1979)


“Sirius?” Dorcas held the landline close to her ear. She heard Sirius breathing on the other end. The two had installed a phone in Sirius’ house at the end of school last year. “I know you’re still mad at me,” she said shakily, gripping the phone tighter as it started slipping in her sweaty hands. “I’m still mad at you, too. I need you to come over, please,” she whispered, leaning her head against the wall where the phone was mounted.

Sirius stayed silent on the other end of the phone, and Dorcas peeled the wallpaper with her free hand. She took a deep breath and began speaking very quickly.

“Sirius. I’m going to my mum’s house. I think they were attacked, or they were taken, or something along those lines, and I need to go check. I’m waiting five minutes, and then I’m going. If you want to come, my floo is open.” Dorcas held her breath as she waited for a response. She heard a click and the line went dead. She let out her breath and hung the phone back on the wall.

Dorcas shook her hands out and rubbed them on the sides of her thighs. She grabbed a glass from her counter and filled it with water from the tap before gulping it down greedily. She sat down and glared at the clock. It had only been a minute, but it had felt like fifteen.

She stood up and went to the phone again, stabbing Sirius’ phone number into the keypad. “Come on, come on,” she muttered hopefully. The line just kept ringing until an operator picked up.

“Can I help you, miss?” the woman on the other end asked politely. “Do you need help finding the right number?” Dorcas slammed the phone back down on the receiver and grabbed her trainers from the front door.

“Alright. I’ll just give him until I put my shoes on,” she declared, looking back to the clock again. “Ugh!” she groaned, slamming the door to her apartment behind her as she left to find a spot she could privately apparate from.

She walked out of her building and took a sharp left, ducking into an alleyway that wouldn’t have been so inconspicuous if it weren’t for the garbage piled up that blocked the sun from peeking through the east side of the path.  She took in a deep breath, plugged her nose with her fingers, and spun away in the dark corner.

As she appeared in the forest opposite her childhood home, Dorcas released her nose and took in a deep breath.

“Still can’t breathe and apparate at the same time?” Sirius asked from across the road. Dorcas smiled hopefully at Sirius, and ran across to him, only stopping as a car raced past. Dorcas’ hair flew back as the car honked loudly, and the wind drew tears from her eyes. She ran forward again and embraced Sirius tightly. He held the back of her head against his shoulder over her curls.

“I’m so sorry, Dorcas,” he whispered into her ear.

“No, no,” she protested gently, squeezing him tighter and pulling back to kiss him on the cheek. Sirius wiped her hair from her face and held her against his shoulder again.

“You ready?” Dorcas nodded and sagged slightly in Sirius’ arms.

“It’s time,” she whispered, backing away from Sirius and grabbing his hand. She walked slowly towards the small suburban house, and he followed her. The house did not look as if it had been broken into, but that just made Dorcas even more nervous.

“This is just a feeling?” Sirius questioned, rubbing the back of her hand. Dorcas turned back to look at Sirius and nodded.

“It’s a big feeling, Sirius,” she said, gripping her stomach with her other hand and licking her lips. Dorcas walked over the path up to her house carefully, and wobbled as one of the cracked stone slabs shifted under her foot. She stood at the wooden door, her hand frozen on the knocker. She grabbed the knocker, and held it against the door, her hand very still. Sirius stepped forward one more time and put his hand on hers. He pulled her hand back and she released it. The bronze crashed on the wood, and Dorcas let her hand fall.

The two waited in silence for someone to answer the door, but the only thing they heard was the croak of a frog in the dewy June morning. Sirius reached over Dorcas’ shoulder and slammed the knocker on the door a couple more times.

“Fuck it,” she huffed, turning the doorknob and pushing open the door. She and Sirius looked at each other tersely as it opened without a struggle. They walked in as another car sped by, and the door squeaked shut behind them. Dorcas pushed it completely closed with her foot as she scanned the foyer.

Sirius walked around her and into the dining room carefully. He took his wand from his back pocket and held it tightly next to his leg. Dorcas took the opposite route and headed into her mother’s small greenhouse. She scanned over the small glass-encased room, but saw nothing and moved back into the main part of the house.

“It’s neat in here,” Sirius said curiously as he walked through the hall to the bedrooms.

“For a couple of drunks and a druggie, you mean?” she rebutted defensively as they met in the middle of the hall with pictures from Dorcas’ childhood.

“Yeah. From what you said,” he muttered, straightening a picture of her with her mother at the beach. Dorcas’ hair was blonder and bouncier on her two-year-old self, and her mother emulated happiness. Sirius could tell that that’s where Dorcas inherited her wonderful smile from.

“We used to have fun.” Sirius knew what she meant. They had fun before Coraline grew up.

“You can’t blame Coraline for everything,” he said, following her into the next room on her left. Dorcas peeked in and then slammed the door open, allowing it to hit the wall with a thud.

“Can’t I?” Sirius peered around her shoulder and rubbed his forehead as he saw what she did.

“I’m so sorry.” Coraline was laid on her bed, her right arm flung out over the edge, and her left arm holding a needle. Dorcas’ mother was propped against the side of the bed, her head bashed against the metal edge of the bedframe.

Dorcas put her hand in front of her mouth and nose as the smell hit them with a punch. He put his arm around her waist and turned her out of the room without protest. Dorcas left the door ajar, but rubbed the handle with her jacket.

“What are you doing?” Sirius inquired as she scrubbed the doorknob clean.

“We don’t need the police knowing I was here,” was her explanation. Sirius didn’t ask anymore, though he probably would pry more another time.

“Where do you think your dad is?” Dorcas bit her lip as she rushed back down the hallway with all of the photos. “Dorcas?” Sirius asked suspiciously, following her closely and seizing her arm. She struggled against him and tried to get free of him and into the next room. She ripped it away and turned around, smacking Sirius across the face.

“What?” he exasperated, snatching her wrist again as she tried to draw away from him. “What, Dorcas?” She took her other hand and caressed the side of his face.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “It’s just, do you really not see it?” Sirius raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head no. “He did this!” she cried out, ripping her wrist out of his hand and motioning towards the bedroom they’d found the bodies in. “He’s always on the verge, and he snapped when Coraline came back!”

“Dorcas! Look I get that you hate your family.” Dorcas clenched her jaw and screwed her mouth up tightly. “I get that,” he emphasized purposefully. “But do you think that your dad could kill your mother and your sister and just leave them?” Dorcas sucked her lips into her mouth and looked to Sirius angrily.

“Yes. I really do,” she said shortly.

“Okay then,” he said, stepping back and letting Dorcas get past him and into the living room where an old rotary phone rested on the table. She dialed ‘999’ and left the telephone off the hook. Dorcas took her sleeve in her hand again and rubbed the phone as clean as she could. She looked around the room and let out a small sigh. It appeared as if no one had been there in at least a month.

Sirius drifted in the doorway as Dorcas floated around the living room slowly. Her hand hovered around a family portrait, and she reached out to touch it before thinking again, realizing if she’d touched it she’d have to take it.

“Take it.” Sirius jerked his head at the picture, and Dorcas grabbed it hastily, stuffing it inside her coat. “Now we’ve got to go. They’re probably already on the way.” Dorcas nodded and stalked back over to the front door and grabbed Sirius’ hand.

“Are you ready?” she asked him quickly as the blinking red lights turned onto her street. Sirius nodded as she plugged her nose again and snapped away.



“You are constantly late!” Alice Longbottom shouted. Sirius and Dorcas stood in the small den at the Headquarters as she reprimanded them. “You are never focused on assignments, you never show up to training,” she said, poking Sirius’ chest angrily, “and I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall,” she finished in frustration as Sirius picked a cigarette out of his pocket.

“That’s enough, Fortescue,” Moody said from the doorway. Alice rolled her eyes, and shouldered Moody as she walked out of the room. He took her place in front of them and flicked his wand at Sirius, making the cigarette dangling from his lips disappear. “So where were you two?”

“Checking on a hunch,” Dorcas murmured.

“You decided to dodge my lecture on prophecies and prophets to check out a hunch?” he asked disparagingly, tucking his wand into a small leather holder on the side of this belt.

“It was a big hunch,” Sirius explained loosely. Dorcas tilted her head down as Moody glared at them silently.

“You can go, Miss Meadowes.” She looked up in surprise at Moody, who was glaring only at Sirius now. She glanced to Sirius quickly, who was locked in a staring contest with Moody. She ducked past Moody quickly and exited the room silently.

Sirius shook his head and licked his lips as Moody shut the door wordlessly. “So. What were you really doing?” Sirius rubbed his nose and sniffed in.

“You heard. We were checking up on a hunch.” Sirius took piece of gum out of his pocket, unwrapped it, and tossed the wrapper on the floor.

“Fine. You don’t want to tell me, you’re out,” Moody said turning away from Sirius and heading towards the door.

“Whoa, what do you mean out?” Sirius asked, grabbing Moody’s shoulder and turning him around. Moody stepped forward, making Sirius stumble backward. “Sir,” he added hastily.

“You’re out. I can’t trust you, Black. You are out,” he stressed clearly.

“You’re mad! And what about Dorcas!”

“Dorcas is invaluable!” Moody yelled strongly. “She is not lazy or reckless. She is a fighter and a healer, and she’s a real asset to the team. She is smart.” Sirius clenched his jaw and looked away from Moody who pulled Sirius’ chin back to meet his eyes. “And best of all, she’s not you.”

“What am I going to do?” Sirius asked desperately.

“You’re going to get out of here. You put people’s lives in danger. And that’s not the business we’re in.” Moody turned around again and headed out of the room. He stopped at the door, his hand resting on the handle. “Get sorted and get out by tonight.” He stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

“Fuck!” Sirius shouted, kicking the couch on his left. The lamp on the edge of the end table fell over and smashed loudly. The light went out and Sirius was left in the dark. He swung the door open again and found Dorcas standing outside the door, her arms crossed and her foot tapping rapidly.

“He can’t do this!” she exclaimed as Sirius walked down the long hallway toward the staircase. “Sure, you’ve been absent, but he’s got to understand! After the Prewetts we were all kind of-,” Sirius turned around and glowered at her so hotly she shut her mouth immediately.

“He’s right,” Sirius admitted roughly. “He’s right and I can’t do anything about it!” he yelled.

“Well you have to do something about it!” she demanded, holding Sirius back as he headed up the stairs. “Because if you don’t do something, I’m going to go mad here.”

“You’ll have Marlene,” Sirius said aimlessly, walking up the stairs as Dorcas tugged on his jacket.

“But I want you.” 


(April 10th, 1979)


“How could you not tell me?” Sirius hissed as Dorcas took off her jacket and tossed it on the hook just inside the door.

“What would you have done?” she asked, flaring her nostrils and whipping her hair up into a knot. “You want to raise a child right now?” Dorcas walked away from Sirius and ripped off her shirt. She tossed it onto the couch as they passed the living room.

“No, Merlin no! I would’ve liked to know before you went and killed our baby, is all!” Dorcas turned around and squinted her eyes at him, unzipping her pants in the process.

“Really?” Sirius kept after her as she moved into their room and tossed her pants into the hamper by the armoire. “Low blow, Sirius.” She pushed past him and left the room, heading for the cabinet outside the loo.

“No, not low blow, Doe,” he mocked, following her into the bathroom after she’d grabbed a towel from the cupboard. “That’s the truth. You killed him before you even asked me!”

“Stop saying that!” she whined, turning on the water and watching the steaming water fill up the bathtub. She leaned back on the sink and pulled off her undershirt, tossing it into the bathroom hamper.


“That I killed it! We wouldn’t have had a choice,” she explained simply, peeling off her bra and handing it to Sirius. He took it and tossed it behind him carelessly.

“It?” Sirius laughed inappropriately and ran his hands through his hair. “You are sick.” He caught Dorcas’ underwear as she threw them at him, and he tossed them behind him again.

“I didn’t kill it, Sirius. I had a miscarriage.” Dorcas grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the shelf with the bar soap and put one in her mouth. She turned around to look up at Sirius for a light, but he was frozen. Nonresponsive. She rolled her eyes and threw the cigarette in the sink.

She slipped into the bathtub and sighed in pleasure. The steam rose higher and created a thick fog in the room, stopping Sirius from looking at Dorcas through the mirror. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back on the edge of the tub. Her hair grew frizzier and frizzier, and she pushed it out of her eyes as a few tendrils fell from her bun.

“Are you okay?” Sirius asked softly, sitting behind her on the toilet, he bent forward to rub her neck. Dorcas leaned back into his hands and moaned as he kneaded her shoulders.

“I’m okay. It’s a little depressing. And I had time to think of a baby name,” she said hopefully, turning to look at Sirius. “You know,” she said, turning back and closing her eyes, “before it happened.”

“What was it?” Sirius knocked off his shoes and bent to take off his socks.

“Violet. It was a girl.” He put his socks in his shoes and started rolling up his jeans.

“Violet?” he asked with distaste, standing up and sitting precariously on the edge of the bathtub. He put his feet on Dorcas’ stomach and his shoulders lost tension as the hot water hit him. “Violet Black. What’s her middle name, rainbow?”

“More like Violet Meadowes,” she spat at him. Untying her hair and letting it fall over the edge of the tub.

“Hmm, that’s not bad,” he pondered, wiggling his toes on her stomach. “But why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, jabbing her with his feet.

“You know, for two people over 5 foot 10 we really should have a longer tub,” she pondered, looking at her scrunched up knees sadly. Sirius pitched himself backwards and reached for his wand which rested on the sink. He pointed it at the tub, and it extended about half a foot longer.

“Thanks.” She stretched out her legs and sighed again in relaxation. “And because I knew you would react like this. And I didn’t and still don’t want to talk about it.” She sucked in a breath and dunked herself under the water. She felt weightless under the water, like nothing in the world mattered.

“Dorcas!” Sirius shouted with irritation. It sounded garbled under the water, and Dorcas came up from under, her eyelashes heavy with water droplets as she blinked a couple of times. “So you’re saying you still would have done it?” Dorcas tilted her head to one side and hit the other side of her head to get the water out of her ear.

“I don’t know, Sirius!” She dunked her head in again and wiped her hair out of her face before coming up and sitting against the side of the tub. “If I knew what to do, I would’ve told you.”

“That’s when you tell me things? When you already know what you’re going to do?” he asked exasperatedly. He pushed himself out of the tub and pulled his shirt off. “So what the bloody hell am I actually here for?” he roared angrily. “Just listen to you complain and then let you do what you want anyway?” He unzipped his jeans and stepped out of them when Dorcas stopped him.

“Don’t get in, Sirius.” She held her hand up, pointing towards the door.

“Seriously?” Dorcas frowned and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“Yes. Just leave me alone, please.”

“Fine.” Dorcas let a breath out and dunked her head under again.