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Valour by blackballet

Format: Novel
Chapters: 45
Word Count: 100,067

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Contains profanity, Strong violence, Scenes of a sexual nature, Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme

Genres: Drama, Horror/Dark, Romance
Characters: Dumbledore, McGonagall, Lupin, James, Lily, Sirius, Pettigrew, Voldemort, OC
Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 08/07/2013
Last Chapter: 06/05/2016
Last Updated: 01/12/2017

banner by me 

Life goes on

But so does death


          Innocence and arrogance combine in a story about eight newly-graduated revolutionaries. 

Chapter 11: The Love in the Hate

A/N: Fair warning, everyone. This chapter is the first appearance of my warning Scenes of a Sexual Nature!!  



(February 14th, 1979)


“I cannot believe we’re doing this again.” Lily smiled to James in the reflection of a mirror. He smiled back at her.

“I just asked Moody for some time off. It’s easy when you’re the warden’s favorite.” Lily quelled James’ arrogance by slapping his arm gently. “What’s not easy is this damn maze of mirrors! I knew there was a reason we didn’t come here last time,” he said, holding his stomach and feigning queasiness.

“Calm down, James, it’s not that hard.” She grabbed his hand and took a sharp right before slamming into another set of trick mirrors. Lily giggled as James stumbled and gripped onto the wall for support.

“Well.” Lily stood on her toes to reach James’ ear. “I wouldn’t expect a Quidditch star such as yourself to have such terribly horrific balance.” She gave James a kiss on the cheek and kept making her way through the maze without him.

“Lily!” he called, rubbing the red lipstick off of his cheek. He spotted a flash of red in the mirror down the hall and ran forward before slamming into yet another wall. “C’mon Lil!” he shouted, trying his best to follow her in the Hall of Mirrors in a small town in New York.

The lights became dimmer as he walked through the next few rooms. He hit the wall more frequently as it got darker, and he could no longer hear anyone else in the maze.

“Lily?” No one answered. “Lumos,” he said quietly. James swore he heard the crack of an apparition, and his hand went directly to his pocket. The wand buried in his coat glowed dimly, and James saw himself multiply in the mirrors.


“Ah!” he yelped, jumping forward and turning around to face his assailant. Lily gave out a great cackle, and held onto James’ arm as she hunched over in bouts of laughter. “Very funny, Lily. Solid prank,” he said, expressionless and moody.

“Aw, come on darling, don’t be embarrassed,” Lily said with pity. James looked to Lily sadly, pushing his lips out and pouting.


“James? James! You know you can’t get out of here without-,” A pair of lips cut her off suddenly, and Lily felt James chuckle against her lips. Lily raised her arms to James’ shoulders as she felt her back hit the cool glass wall. He broke away from her lips, and Lily smiled up at James again. “I told you this was a good idea,” she breathed out heavily, winding her hands in James’ hair as she pulled him back to her lips. She pulled James closer into her body and he moaned into her mouth as she pushed her body closer to his.

“Oh, Lily,” he said roughly, grabbing the back of her legs and lifting her up around his waist. Lily giggled quietly and pushed James’ hair back.

“Oh, James. Why is your hair always such a mess?” she asked breathily as he kissed her neck softly.

“That’s all your fault, love,” he answered quickly. He kissed Lily’s neck more roughly, leaving a mark right under her chin. He smirked as Lily let out a small moan.

“I can feel you smirking, arsehole,” she gritted out through her teeth, smacking him on the arm once more. Suddenly the lights came back to their full brightness.

“Oh god!” a mother said, shielding her child’s eyes quickly and glaring at the two pressed up against the wall. James dropped Lily quite suddenly and her lips disappeared behind her hands as the angry mother glared at them. “Get…out!” she shrieked while struggling to keep her two kids from prying her hands off their eyes.

Lily snickered as she grabbed James’ hand and ran towards the small red exit sign at the end of the next turn. “Move, James!” she yelled back to him as he stumbled over his feet while trying to right his glasses which had been knocked askew in their impromptu make-out session. They fell out of the curtains at the exit of the maze, and Lily leaned on James for support as she laughed wholeheartedly at their faux pas.

“I haven’t had this much fun,” James said through his laughs, “in such a long time, Lil.” The two were leaned up against the wall of the maze and laughing and wheezing until they ran out of breath.

“Me either, James.” Lily slid down the side of the wall, and James followed suit. “I love you so very much.” The couple truly looked at each other for the first time in a long time, and Lily couldn’t help but smile.

“Get up,” James said very unexpectedly, standing up and grabbing Lily’s hand.

“Whoa!” she said, her body being yanked up from the ground. “What, James? We were having a moment!” she shouted, stomping her foot and crossing her arms. James turned around and shook his hands and then ran them through his hair. “James?”

He turned around abruptly and got down onto one knee.

“Seriously, James. What is going on?” James smiled up at Lily and grabbed a small box out of his coat pocket. Lily pursed her lips and shook her head at him. “James. We are married already, I hope you know,” Lily said softly, trying to stop the smile from appearing on her lips.

“I know, I know Lily,” he said, waving his free hand at her. “I never got to propose to you. And this was planned.” Lily’s hands came to her face, and tears threatened to fall from her eyes. He cleared his throat seriously, and Lily let out another laugh as a small crowd formed around the couple.

“My dearest flower,” Lily grinned brightly at her childhood nickname. “My dearest flower,” he began again, “here we are, on our third anniversary in the place where we had our first date, and I can still tell you that I love you as much as I did the moment I laid eyes on you in First Year.” Lily threw her head back in laughter, remembering the first time she met James.

“I can still tell you that I will love you until the day that I die. I can still tell you that I’m better at a Patronus Charm than you, and I can still be positive that my charms are only so powerful because of you.” A murmur came from the crowd as Lily clutched her chest.

“James,” she interrupted, tears streaming down her face as he pulled out a piece of parchment.

“I am going to marry Lily Marie Evans,” he read, smiling up at Lily as she laughed through her tears. “Dated: February 14th, 1976.” He handed her the note and she crumpled it up and shoved it in her pocket. She laughed again and wiped her face of the streaming tears.

“Lily, will you marry me?” he asked proudly, adding a quiet ‘again’ to the end of his question.

“Of course, you idiot!” she exclaimed, kneeling on the ground with him and kissing him happily. “You are just about the most ceremonially sentimental prankster I have ever met.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “I love you, too.” There was a lot of applause. 


(February 1st, 1979)


Water dripped from a faucet on the other side of the flat. The kettle whistled on the stove. A dog barked from outside, and Marlene was not sure if it was Sirius or not. The kettle stopped whistling, and Marlene realized that Sirius was still inside the house.

Marlene got up from the bed and held the sheet around her body. It was still cold, but Sirius insisted on keeping the windows open at night because he got too hot. Unfortunately, he was right. Marlene was cold at night, but Sirius never ceased to feel like a radiator with skin.

Sirius came back in the room with two cups of tea.

“Morning.” Marlene’s eyes were still bloodshot. There was a lot of crying and yelling the night before.

“Good morning.” Sirius was in a pair of shorts. Marlene was still naked, and took the cup from him carefully. She sipped her tea, and placed it on Dorcas’ nightstand.

Dorcas’ nightstand. It had a lamp, a beaten up record player, a muggle alarm clock, and Marlene’s cream-colored bra.

“Come here,” she said, lifting up the blanket and motioning for Sirius to join her in bed again. He eased into the large bed and rested against the headrest. Marlene moved over and leaned on his chest. Sirius stroked Marlene’s dark hair and sipped on his tea. “Should I tell Dorcas?”

“No.” Sirius put his cup on his own nightstand, grabbed Marlene by the waist, and hoisted her up on top of his body. She straddled his lap and toyed with his hair absent-mindedly. Sirius sat up, and Marlene’s arms fell to Sirius’ shoulders. He grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her languidly. There was no problem getting Marlene to open up to Sirius anymore. She was open, bleeding and leaving herself on the ground for someone else to pick up.

Sirius held Marlene closer to him and gripped her hair tightly. She sighed loudly into his mouth, and shivered as the wind blew through the window again. Sirius was still excruciatingly hot. She peeled herself off of him, and he reached out for her to come back to him as she reached over to close the window.

Sirius slid down to lay in bed, and Marlene laid atop him, her chin resting on her hands on his chest.

“Do you really believe that? About my family?” Marlene asked quietly. Sirius tilted his head down slightly to look her in the eye. Green met grey and it made a storm.

“Yeah, I reckon I do.”

“As do I.” She sighed and turned on her cheek. Sirius stroked her hair off the side of her face, and she sighed again. “It’s really okay, though. At least I have Mark.” Sirius didn’t answer, but continued stroking her cheek delicately. “How’s Regulus?” Sirius’ hand stopped moving on her cheek, and Marlene turned back to look him in the eye. She pursed her lips and Sirius rolled his eyes.

He sighed. “I think he’s dead,” he said prophetically. Marlene gave him a sympathetic glance, and bent her head to kiss his chest.

“Come up here, Mickey.” Marlene gave him a small smirk and climbed up his torso to kiss him squarely on the lips. Sirius’ crooked smile appeared and he kissed Marlene back lazily. His rough fingertips traced her jaw lightly and Marlene laughed into his mouth. Sirius kissed her again and their teeth reverberated against each other’s.

“What?” he asked, flipping himself over her and kissing her neck slowly.

“It’s just weird. You love Dorcas.” Marlene closed her eyes and licked her lips. Her eyelashes fluttered back open. “Y-you love Dorcas, and you fuck me.” Sirius stopped and sighed into her neck. Her stomach fluttered as the air hit her wet skin.  

“Is this going to be a problem for you?” He hoisted Marlene up again and pushed her gently up against the bedpost. She looked into his eyes deeply and tempestuously.

“Has it ever before?” she finally answered. Sirius let go of Marlene and opened his arms slightly. She fell forward slowly and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. Her chest heaved with a dry sob, and Sirius’ right hand came to hold her head against his shoulder. She sobbed again, and Sirius could feel her tears fall against his skin.

“It’ll be okay, Marls.” Marlene looked up to the ceiling from the crook of his neck and let the tears fall down her throat.

“I hope so, Sirius.” He started kissing her neck again and the tears disappeared into his mouth.

“Hey,” he said quietly, jabbing at her side softly. Marlene smiled and closed her eyes. His fingers grazed over her stomach and her muscles clenched unwillingly. She began laughing loudly. It was so loud and crisp and youthful that Sirius was sure his eardrums would burst. “C’mon, ‘kinnon, don’t you have any self-control?” he asked mockingly, never ceasing to tease her soft skin,

“Black! Please!” she squealed, cackling louder than ever and slamming her fists on his chest. “Stop, stop, stop, stop,” she said between breaths. He stopped tickling her abruptly, and Marlene shook slightly in the cold again. Without warning, he snuck his hands behind her knees and elicited another ceaseless series of snorts, giggles, and straight up shrieks from her.

“Black, please, let me breath!” she shouted again. “Please, please.” Sirius’ hands moved to her back and held Marlene steady as her laughter died down.

“Say it again,” he whispered quickly. He bent forward and leaned his head against hers. Her breath fell heavily on his face. “Say my name, Marlene.”

“Please.” Marlene paused and Sirius closed his eyes. Marlene watched his eyelids move. “Sirius, please.” Marlene smiled as she saw Sirius’ face soften. She tilted his chin up and kissed him gently and chastely. Marlene pushed herself off of Sirius and bounced back onto the bed.

Sirius followed suit and laid on the bed next to her.

“Where is Dorcas?” she asked curiously. Sirius turned on his side, pulled Marlene into his stomach, and kissed her shoulder.

“She’s with Alice Longbottom. They had to…umm…do something with…someone.” Marlene scoffed silently and turned around under Sirius’ arm to face him. She pressed her ear against his chest and hugged him tightly.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, rubbing her back gently.

“Just checking,” she said casually, pressing her head harder into his chest.

“Checking what?” he asked urgently, holding her tighter against him and kissing the top of her head.

“If you have a heart.” He laughed curtly and turned away from Marlene to grab his cup of tea.

“I have a heart.” He gulped and drank the last of his tea. “I have your heart, don’t I?” Marlene rolled her eyes and punched Sirius as hard as she could in the arm.

“You are such an arrogant arse, Black!” Sirius laughed again and turned back to Marlene, kissing her suddenly. Sirius’ hands traveled through her brown locks as he kissed her deeply. Marlene closed her eyes slowly, letting her gaze linger on Sirius’ face a little longer than necessary. She felt utterly helpless when Sirius kissed her.

Sirius broke away from Marlene, again rather suddenly. Her mouth was left propped ajar, and her eyes broke open. Sirius closed her jaw with his thumb gently and kissed her quickly. There was a silence in which Marlene cuddled into Sirius again. He let her curl up into him, because he felt utterly helpless without her.

“You love me Marley, don’t you?” Marlene laid still as Sirius’ hand ghosted down her petite frame.

“I’m not here to stroke your ego,” she said peacefully.

“Then what are you good for?” Marlene tilted her head at him and scowled deeply.

“Not much, I guess.” Sirius looked Marlene up and down as she closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. “You love me Sirius, don’t you?” Marlene was hopeless. Sirius sucked in a deep breath suddenly, and Marlene turned on her stomach to feel the bed pounding with their heartbeats.

“Not so much.” Marlene reached to Dorcas’ nightstand and slipped on her bra. She leaned down to the floor to pick up her underwear and stepped into them quickly. She pushed her hair out of her face and sat on the edge of the bed. Marlene looked at the blank wall in front of her. The wall was cracked, and Marlene was pretty sure that the bed used to rest against that wall.

“I really don’t love you Sirius,” Marlene said deliberately, sitting up straight as he came up behind her and hugged her around the stomach. He rested his chin on her shoulder and rubbed her torso tenderly.  

“I am sorry, Marlene. I really am.”

“I know. You just forget to say it sometimes.” Marlene didn’t understand how she could continue to forgive Sirius.

“How are things with Mary?” Marlene chuckled and shook her head as Sirius dragged her back to lay next to him.

“Can’t you leave well enough alone?” she asked as Sirius straddled Marlene cavalierly.

“I’m just curious!” he exclaimed, holding Marlene’s face with his left hand and leaving a quick kiss on her jaw. “Just wondering,” he hummed against her earlobe, “if Mary,” he whispered into her throat, “can do this.”      



A/N: Anynone surprised? Anyone happy? Anyone mad? Let me know!!

Love always