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The Fluidity of a Stone by RonNiffler

Format: Novel
Chapters: 4
Word Count: 11,489
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: General, Romance, Angst
Characters: Scorpius, Albus, James (II), Lily (II), Hugo, Rose, OC
Pairings: OC/OC, Rose/Scorpius

First Published: 07/20/2010
Last Chapter: 08/02/2013
Last Updated: 08/02/2013

Summary:
Banner by: Drowned @ TDA
Beta: megthechef43




They told me it was a gift, that I was special.

It ruined my family, drove my mum away and practically my father too.

But they will never fully understand just how wrong they were. If this is my gift, then I want a refund.

This gift is killing me.

Fred II/ OC 


Chapter 4: Guilt


“How was it?” 

This is the first question Rose can think to ask after seeing me sobbing in the hall after my confession to Andrew. Not an ‘are you okay?’, or a ‘what’s wrong?’ just a desire for the dirty details.  

We were all sitting back in the Slytherin common room, except for Andrew. I have a feeling he has gone searching for James. It could only be avoided for so long.

“Please do not answer that,” Albus groans looking a bit green. I think the news hit him the hardest. His face is stuck somewhere in the middle of confusion and disgust.

I try to avoid all eyes contact. “I am really sorry Al-“

“Stop, stop, stop!” Al turns to the fire to avoid looking at the girl that fooled around with his brother, “I’m going to be sick, can we please change the subject?”

Everyone nods and mutters a few ‘fines’; although, Rose gives me a look that clearly tells me I will not be getting out of this conversation later.

After a few painfully awkward minutes, conversation drifts to winter break plans. I have been dreading the return. Tomorrow we would all be headed back to our homes and I would be telling my father about my fate. 

I try to push the thoughts away; I imagine how he will scream, or worse say nothing at all.

“Will you be coming?” Rose pulls me out of my thoughts. I had been so distracted I didn’t even notice how everyone was staring at me as though I was mental. 

I try to read Al’s face for what Rose may be asking, but only receive an open mouth and raised eyebrow.

“Coming to what?” I ask. Rose rolls her eyes clearly annoyed that I was not listening to her. She tends to think everything she says is of the top importance, when in reality she can drone on for hours about shoes and boys.

“My grandparents house for Christmas. Everyone else is coming, well except for Scorp since his parents are nut cases. But everyone else! All the cousins and your new man toy,” she says with a wink. I truly am never going to live this down.  

Of course I want to be there; the Weasley’s have the best Christmas parties, but with the news I have to give my dad…well I just don’t know if I can leave him.

“I’ll have to see,” I answer. Nobody questions me and they go back to talking about the break.

Time seems to fly by and soon another day is over. How can time go so quickly? I have so few days left, how can they just disappear in the blink of an eye? 

I feel the depression creeping up on me, ready to consume me whole, but I shake it off and just focus on tomorrow. Since that is all I can do is be excited for what I still have left, instead of mopping about the time I have lost.  

Rose and I are lying on my bed and I can tell she is just dying to start questioning me, yet she waits for me to say the first word.

A few minutes tick by and I know I cannot get out of it. Rose’s stubbornness can only be matched by Scorpius and I am no Scorp. 

“Rose?” She turns to look at me. It is so dark in the room I can only make out the rough outline of her face and the glimmer of her eyes.  

I can tell she is happy that I have started the conversation, “Yes Collette?”

I take a deep breath. My eyes feel heavy and I know my body wants all the rest it can get, a side effect of this whole dying thing, “I’m really glad you’re my best friend.”

Rose whacks my shoulder, “Oh shut it. You are not getting out of talking about James that easily.”

And so I tell her. I tell her about the things we did and how awkward it was, but also how some of it was sweet and romantic. I tell her very clearly there are no romantic feelings and that I did it because I was tired and wasn’t thinking straight. She seems to believe me for the most part; although, some parts I have to lie and come up with excuses. I manage to avoid anything that has to do with my secret and Rose seems content after asking me over a hundred questions.

I want to tell Rose everything, but I know the moment I do she will cry and make me tell Scorp and Al. So for now I avoid it. 

Rose eventually curls up in her own bed and drifts off to sleep. My brain screams at me to go to bed as well, but instead I stay up watching Rose’s resting form. 

Not in a creepy way, merely just in a way of trying to catch as many images in my brain of my best friend before she pities me and becomes depressed. It is hard to explain, but I want to remember Rose this way, happy, not a friend waiting for me to kick the bucket.

I try to picture what she will be like once I’m gone. Will she find someone to replace me? I hate to think of that, but whom else is she going to talk to about clothes and boys. Al and Scorp may be good friends, but they are also men who refuse to gossip.  

I fall asleep imagining what Collette number two will look like. And for the second time today I feel the depression creeping up.

Morning approaches much too quickly and my back aches. Andrew has all my medications and potions and I fear without them I may not be able to get out of bed.  I try to sit up, but a shooting pain goes up my spine. I gasp out in pain and bite my lip to prevent myself from crying.

My hands are shaking; I cannot tell if it is from the pain or just another side effect.

I can hear Rose in the bathroom and know I have to be quick if I want to avoid her seeing me like this. I yank myself up and off the bed, the pain continues up my spine. Each step feels like a stab in the back as I walk as quickly as possible down the steps.

By the time I reach the last step my eyes are filling up with tears as I drag myself to the couch. There is no way my body will let me go farther and so I end up lying on the common room couch. The room is empty and there is no sign of my brother anywhere. 

I grit my teeth together as the clock ticks by, it feels like an hour till Fred pops his head in.

“Fred!” I scream, thrilled at the prospect of this pain ending. Fred jumps not having seen me, “I need you to go get Andrew. Like right now.” I flinch as pain shoots down my back with each syllable.  

Fred stares at me in shock his light green eyes fill with worry. He is kind of cute when he’s scared.  Whoa, this pain is making me delirious, focus Collette. “Fred now!”

“Are you okay? About yesterday, I’m sorry about how I reacted. I’m really happy about you and James.” He starts to stutter as he sits where my feet are.

So not the time to be sweet Fred! Maybe when I am not about to barf from this pain you can be all cute and kind. “Please,” I beg, “go get Andrew.”

Fred seems upset, but frankly my head is starting to turn and I think I may black out.  He hurries off and in a couple minutes Andrew arrives alone.

Andrew must have run here. He is sweating and gasping for air. Before he can even open his mouth I cry out in pain, “the potions!”

The tears start to roll down my cheeks and I am clutching my body by the time Andrew returns. “I’m so sorry. I forgot,” he repeats over and over again as his hands shake to find the right vial.  

After a few seconds he hands me a dark green one and helps me guide it to my lips. It taste like battery acid as it goes down, but the moment it does the pain stops.

I sit up slowly and wipe away my tears. “I should have given you one last night, I screwed up Col…I am so sorry.”

I hug my brother tight until he stops shaking, I hated that I was now a responsibility. That he has to be the one to make sure I get my medication, comfort me, hold the secret, and watch me die.  

“Shhh, I’m okay. Honestly it hardly hurt,” I lie. Andrew seems to calm down after this and gives me the potions to pack for our trip home.  

There are so many…I am suppose to take them three times a day, and then there are extra ones for when certain side effects pop up. I read a couple of them: seizures, headaches, numbing, pain killer, nausea, and so many more fun side effects I get to look forward too. Each with their own pretty color. My favorite is the dark orange one; it is made to strengthen my lungs. I shake at the thought of when I have to use all these potions.

 “Are you really not dressed yet!” Rose runs into the room, “The train is about to leave, get your arse up!”

Within a few moments Rose has me running down to the train with one of my sneakers still not fully on and my hair un-brushed.  

We end up getting stuck in compartment with Scorp, Al, Andrew, Fred and James. The awkwardness consumes the room as everyone tries to avoid the topic of James and I.

“Hey babe,” and yet again James misses the memo. His cocky grin does not go unnoticed. All eyes are on James, some with glares and others with shock. 

“I am not your babe.” James seems taken back by my tone. It’s my fault for giving him the false message the other night, but still he surely couldn’t think of it as more then a little fun.

Andrew starts to get up, ready to teach James a lesson; I raise my hand at my brother and shake my head no.

“Can we talk James?” I ask. Andrew does not seem happy with this idea, but says nothing as we walk out of the apartment and into the empty hall.

I have to put an end to this. I think up a speech in my head: James, you are a nice guy and I am sorry I took advantage of your reputation. Honestly I just wanted to have some fun-

James grabs me by the hips ending the speech I was creating in my head. He caresses my cheek as my mouth hangs limp. His hands are rough with callouses from quiddich. He pushes my knotted brown hair behind my ears and smiles. Not a cocky smile, but a real smile.  

“Your ears are cold,” he whispers. I don’t reply I am still trying to think up how to explain our night together, “You are so beautiful Col, even with knotted hair.”

“James-“ his lips are on mine before I can even reply. This boy really needs to stop interrupting me.

 His lips are chapped and I feel uncomfortable as he holds me tighter to deepen the kiss. Just like our night together his lips distract me from the real world, but I still cannot shake the guilt I feel for giving him the wrong impression.

I yank away my face apart from James with a quick gasp, “James we can’t.”

There is pain in James’ eyes. I want to tell myself it is pain of rejection for the first time, but somehow that does not seem right. “Did I do something wrong?” He looks frantic as he searches my eyes for an answer his arms still around my waist.

“It’s hard to explain…” I trail off looking for the right words.

“Hard to explain? We spent the night together…It was romantic and good,” I blush remembering everything, “And then you leave in the morning without a word and don’t talk to me for the whole day? I don’t understand what I did wrong. Did I not treat you right? Was I bad? I thought you liked me-“

Now it is my turn to interrupt, “James, please listen. You did nothing wrong.” 

“Then why have you avoided me? I thought you liked me.” James rambles.

My eyes fill with pity, “James I just needed a distraction I didn’t mean to use you…” 

James looks confused, “a distraction from what? Cole please answer me?” 

I stare down at my fingers. “Are you okay Collette?” 

I shake my head no. “I’m not okay….” I mutter for the first time.

James lifts my chin to make me look him in the eye. “Tell me why you needed a distraction Cole.” 

“I’m sick James.” My heart starts beating faster as I say the words to someone else for the first time. I swear my heart may just jump out of my chest at the rate it’s going.

He looks confused and worried as he strokes my cheek, “I don’t understand, how are you sick? You look fine…  You aren’t coughing or sneezing.”

I give a halfhearted laugh. He thinks I have the common cold, if only life were that easy.

“No James, like really sick.” James resembles Andrew this morning when he saw me on the couch. He strokes my hair and holds me to his chest, not in a romantic way, but as a friend.

I sniffle slightly trying to hold strong, but a teardrop escapes onto my cheek.

“You are going to get better though right?”

I bury my head into James’ chest and don’t reply. He already knows the answer. 


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