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Caught In The Fire by DeathCabForCutie

Format: Novel
Chapters: 24
Word Count: 82,143
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature

Genres: Humor, Action/Adventure, Angst
Characters: Dumbledore, Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Narcissa, OC, OtherCanon
Pairings: Sirius/OC, James/Lily, Other Pairing

First Published: 03/25/2009
Last Chapter: 09/18/2010
Last Updated: 09/18/2010

Summary:
Everyone in the world who has ever dared to love has had that person.


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This is the one person who meant more than all the others and made more of an impact than any of the rest. Juliette Paxton, Auror, disowned Pureblood and former Slythern was thought to never have such a person. That was until Sirius Black strutted back into her life.


Chapter 10: Shut Your Eyes











My face was plastered to my window as I slept on my window ledge uncomfortably. I had been waiting two days for him to write me. This wasn’t like him. Even if he couldn’t talk to me he would usually send a note to tell me that.  I was beginning to worry, I didn’t like this. I had a bad feeling that something had happened to him and it wasn’t doing my already hiked nerves any good. As my drool trickled down the glass surface of the window a slender blonde apparated onto my bed. I jolted upward so fast I fell off the ledge and did a face plant into my carpet painfully.


 

 

 Taylor grinned down at me crookedly, “Jay-bird!”

I glared up at her, “Thanks Tay.”

“Anytime bra.”

“I’m not,” I paused to pull myself up to my feet, wipe the drool off the side of my face and smirk at her, “Your bra.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Taylor rolled her watery brown eyes half heartedly, “What were you doing anyway?”

“Ah...Nothing really...”

She bit her lip thoughtfully before beaming brightly. “It’s your ‘secret boyfriend' isn't it?!”

“Why do you think that? I’ve never said anything that would make you assume that.”

“Oh come on! I’ve known you for seven years. You don’t go out parting that much, you disappear after dinner, you always get mysterious Owls and you leave in the dead of night.”

I laid down on my bed numbly. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh and did I mention how happy you’ve been?” She continued laying across from me, “You walk around like you have a light burning inside of you. I don’t know why you just don’t admit it.”

“Taylor honestly it’s not that big of a deal.” I lied to her unsuccessively.

Taylor sighed overdramatically, “Jay-bird honestly I don’t know what you’re so afraid of. It’s good that you have someone who makes you happy. It’s way better than your usual random make-out sessions with Lestrange.”

I cringed, “Okay that was fifth year. You need to let that go.”

“I’m just saying,” she reasoned throwing her hands up defensively.

Slowly, I reached over and threw one of my pillows at her face. “You’re always ‘just saying’.”

“Well I am.”

 

I yawned at her as my house elf Tootles apparated beside me. At first I paid her no mind but then I saw her face. Immediately I became worried and lunged forward.

 

“Tootles what’s wrong?”

She looked like wanted to cry, “Mm…master wants to ss..see you.”

I frowned and gave Taylor a look.

“Well,” She shrugged before standing up. “I’ll Owl you later about whatever this is. Don’t forget to come to my party tomorrow. Your presence is required.”

“Fine! I’ll be there.”

 

 

Taylor apparated out and I followed Tootles downstairs lazily. My father probably wanted to yell at me about something I didn’t do but Tootles constant expression made me doubt that. What could it be? I made it to the last step of the staircase when I saw Bellatrix. She was standing in the doorway about to leave and she almost didn’t notice me. Almost. Bellatrix turned and sneered at me with a sense of confidence I couldn’t understand. What could she have possibly done to get that feeling of satisfaction? I turned into my father’s study and froze. The look he gave me as I entered the room was the dirtiest look I’d ever received in my life.

 

 

“Juliette," He whispered menacingly, "Shut the door all the way.”






 



Rising from my bed slowly I half-smiled. It was Saturday for the first time in two years that I wasn’t on duty and I wasn’t going to go in. Today I had something that I had to do. Something I could no longer ignore. Before that though I was deadly determined to get a bagel, I could already picture spreading jam over it…oooh. Stretching I went into my bathroom and washed my face with cold water.  I distantly I heard someone throwing up in the other bathroom.  Curiously I walked over and opened the door to find Renee kneeling on the floor with her head half in the toilet.

 


 

“Renee?” I whispered squatting down next to her and held her light hair back. “You sick?”

She took a minute to stop but once she did she nodded in between deep breaths.

I grabbed a towel, drenched it with cold water and pressed it loosely to her forehead. “You gonna throw up again?”

 

 



Renee focused for a moment through her haze and nodded. Her eyes had deep circles lying under them and she was holding herself tightly.  I stood up, went to the closet, pried open the rusty doors and took some towels out. She was shivering so pulled out my wand and warmed up the first one and put it around her shoulders. Then I placed towels along the floor so if she over shot the toilet or wanted to laid down on something other than the icy tiling. It took her about an hour to finally be done. I wrapped her up in hot towels and carried her to her room. Thankfully Renee was five foot and less than a hundred pounds so I didn’t need magical help to lift her. She was sweating so I put a fan near her bed and slipped her in under the covers. I put a glass of water, a glass of orange juice and some different bottles of pills on her bedside table.

 

 

“Okay so is it food poisoning or the flu?” I asked her gently.

“I ate some bad Chinese.”

I snorted as I remembered her stuffing her face with egg rolls the night before. “Here,” I tilted her head up and raised the glass of water to her lips as she grimaced from sitting up. “Drink some of this and in a few minutes I’ll give you some pills.”

 

 

She nodded weakly holding her glass close to her chest. I walked out and grabbed a bucket from under the sink. Quietly I dropped it next to her bed and shut her shades. She handed me the glass shakily as I popped to pills into my hand and sat her up.

 

 

“Okay. You need to just take two and in six hours you’ll take another two. Until it passes. Do you want anything?”

Renee shook her head.

“Alright well,” I placed the pills in her mouth and tipped her cup so she wouldn’t have to hold it herself. “There you go.”Calmly I brought the pills back to the medicine cabinet and laid the wet towel on her burning forehead.

Feebly she smiled up at me, “Thanks Jules.”

“Of course.” I smiled back at her genially.

She closed her eyes and snuggled up into her covers. “They didn’t deserve you Jules.”

“What?”

 

 

I starred at her wondering what she meant only to find her passed out to the point of snoring. Letting it go, I covered her shoulders with a blanket and left her alone.







 
 




I tried to even out my breaths as I sat outside my closet. It was now or never. Renee had been out cold for a few hours. I’d checked on her every half hour and woke her to take more pills. I knew she’d be okay after I helped her take a shower. She even regained some of the color in her face. Now all she needed was to sleep the rest of it off. Even so I made sure to stick around for a little bit longer. It gave me the time to think about what I was doing. Was it healthier this way? To not address it and ignore him completely? Or was I just causing myself more damage? It had been a week and a half since I bumped into him and the entire week my sole focus was closing my eyes to the whole thing. I didn’t go near him; I didn’t think about him (intentionally), I didn’t even look at him. It had worked so far but I knew that if I didn’t face it I would explode. One month of being back into my life and already I couldn’t handle it.  This was only getting worse and the only thing left to do was to take it head on.

 

 



Hesitantly I shut my bedroom door and opened my closet. In the bottom right corner hidden under my spare pairs of gym shoes was an old shoe box. I reached forward with trembling fingers until the tips of my fingers felt its cold cardboard surface. My instincts told me it’s arctic temperature was a warning to not take it but I didn’t listen. This was necessary. Slowly I pulled off the cover and saw hundreds of letters and five pictures. It surprised me to find tears lingering in my eyes. Though I knew I wouldn’t cry, I hadn’t in years, I still was amazed that just seeing the letters would get me emotional enough to get close to tears –closer than I’d gotten in a long time. Lightly, I grabbed one in the middle and picked it up to read.

 

 


Jules,

Sorry I couldn’t see you last night. James was drunker than a skunk. This Lily thing is really getting on his nerves. Anyway... how have you been? It's lonely over here now that I barely get to see you anymore. Ever since Dumbledore put the castle on lockdown, all i can do is think about you... and i hate to admit you are the only girl to tie my head up in such abstract coils. you know what? i'll just steal James’s cloak and sneak into your dorm….You wouldn’t mind. Then I could kiss you until you awoke and then cuddle you back asleep! I know what you’re face is doing right now! You’re rolling your eyes! I see you doing that Juliette Paxton! Even through print I know what you’re doing. I’m going to go to bed soon but if you want to talk I’ll stay up….I love you and I don’t care what you say because your expression tells me all i need to hear.

Sirius.








 

 

I thumbed through the letters to the pictures. This was worse than anything. Memories get shakier over the years; letters can be flat or lose meaning. Pictures are the only thing that can even scratch the surface of what we were. I knew what it would do to me. I was intentionally re-opening the wounds I’d fought so hard to bandage up. But I couldn’t hide from it anymore. My body was beginning to shake as I quickly lost all composure. A long time ago we were happy and completely in love with one another. I thought to myself sullenly as traced the blissful expressions on our faces. My heart began to burn with happy memories of the two of us together until it was too much. Tears began to build up and I knew I had gone too far. Hurriedly I threw the pictures and letters back into the box randomly and stuffed it back in its hiding space.






Letting out slow heavy breaths I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. This would kill me. Seeing him was killing me.  I slammed the closet door shut so hard it almost snapped of the hinges. Storming into the living room I heard Renee’s snores and a knock on my door. Figuring it was Nik I hastily went to the door and yanked it opened violently.





“Nik I’m really not in the mood for wedding stuff right-“ I halted mid-speech when I saw that it was not my brother but Dumbledore.  “Oh sorry sir. I thought you were my brother."

“It’s no trouble,” His face was expressionless as he spoke politely, “May I come in?”






 

 

Shocked I lamely shrugged and moved aside so he could walk in. Renee being the perfectionist she is had just cleaned our flat last night so I wasn’t worried that I’d left something dirty out. I was worried of what Dumbledore could possibly want to talk to me about privately. Trying pitifully to be courteous I wordlessly gestured to the couch and lingered near the coffee table.

 

 

“Ah do you want anything?”

“Um do you have any orange juice by any chance?”

I gave me and odd look before nodding. “Ah yeah, I’ll be right back.” After a few moments I returned with a fresh glass of orange juice, “Here you go.”

“Thank you,” He sipped it and smiled, “That hits the spot.”

“So …What’s up?”

“I wanted to speak to you about something.”

I frowned, “Why didn’t you mention it at the last meeting?”

“Well I believe this matter has more of a personal nature in your case.”

“What is it?”

He pressed his fingertips together thoughtfully. “Tonight we are going undercover and I was wondering if you would be alright about that.”

I stared at him blankly, “I’ve done hundreds of under cover’s sir…”

“No I wasn’t apprehensive about your experience towards covers Juliette. I was referring to…” He smiled realizing his error, “Forgive me I seem to have skipped a step. I was planning to ask you to work with Mr. Black in tonight’s operation.”

Sharply I inhaled deeply and avoided his x-ray stare. “Is there any particular reason why him?” I asked struggling to keep my voice even and my expression blank.

“Mr. Pettigrew appears to be ill at the moment. So I figured it would be a nice opportunity to really induct you into the order by involving you with one of our highest members.”

I shot my gaze up rapidly, unsure of what to say. Could I do this? I clashed with my conscious for a few minutes before deciding.  “Yeah,” I smiled flakily, “I’ll do it.”

“Splendid!” He joined his hands together with a smile, “Now I will be out of your way. Delicious orange juice… Did you know it was freshly squeezed?”

I looked at this man strangely. “No Sir. I can honestly say I didn’t know that it was freshly squeezed.”

“It takes a keen knowledge of pulp to know this,” He mused as we reached the door, “It’s been a pleasure. Tell your roommate I hope she feels better.”

 

 

I opened my mouth to question it but he was already gone. Closing the door I slid down it and put my head in the gap between my knees. I’m having an emotional crisis and he’s talking to me about orange juice?!







Authors Note:


Chapter 6;    You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away     By: Cobra Starship
Chapter 7;     There Ain't No Rest For The Wicked       By: Cage the Elephant
Chapter 8;      A Rush of Blood to the Head            By: Coldplay
Chapter 9;      Gives You Hell                         By: All American Rejects
Chapter 10;    Shut Your Eyes                   By: Snow Patrol


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