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LOVE & BROOMSTICKS by StepUpx_Gryffindor

Format: Novel
Chapters: 35
Word Count: 216,870
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Humor, Romance, Young Adult
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, F. Longbottom, Lily, James, Pettigrew, OC
Pairings: James/Lily, Sirius/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 07/23/2006
Last Chapter: 03/09/2015
Last Updated: 03/09/2015

Summary:



You know what I hate? Having James Potter as your playmate as a child, & then having him turn into an egotistical pig as soon as we both set foot in Hogwarts. All the jokes, teasing, cat-calling... I can't stand it! I can't stand him. James Potter may have that devlishly handsome grin going for him, but I'm not falling for it! I've survived him for 5 years & I'm sure I can make it through my Sixth Year without him... I think?


Chapter 19: Untouched

A/N - alright. now I just wanna say that I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. I just didn't have enough time in my schedule to submit my already finished chapter, and I am sincerely sorry!

on another note, I'd like to let you all know that this chapter isn't going to have music in it. basically, this chapter was kind of dedicated to a song. for some reason, the song inspired my already outlined chapter and helped me out even more. It's a song by The Veronicas, called "Untouched". And it's the title of the chapter. It connects so well with what Lily's feelng... I decided that it would just be better if this was like the theme song of the chappie ^_^ Enjoy! And please review :D

Warning: There is some Substance Use/Abuse in this chapter.



It’s as if the perfumes came back out of my body and left us… both. James blinks a couple times and furrows his eyebrows. There are a couple loud bangs coming from behind him, and I turn to the right just a bit; the door’s appeared, and someone’s been beating on the front of it.

Remus is calling our names. As this burning feeling leaves James and me, we snap back to reality. Remus unlocks the door; before he has a chance to ask us what happened, I’m already running down the corridor.

It’s all a blur from there. I don’t remember James and Remus calling out my names. I don’t remember anyone trying to run after me with my hoodie. I don’t remember pushing Remus and trying to get out of the ‘basement’. All I do is just pickup the pace and I don’t stop.

I’ve done something I can no longer change back.
If I can just run a bit faster, maybe everything will turn back to the way it was.

Oh, dear goodness. Why? How? I feel like crying.

I wipe the tears off my face as I sob uncontrollably. I cannot believe I did that. Nothing is going to be the same anymore. I feel like screaming more than crying, but I can’t find my voice. So I’m just stuck here, letting the tears fall from my eyes.

Everything’s changed.
And I let it happen.

I feel so disgusted. With myself. How dare I. How dare I do this to myself? Where did this sudden urge to drop my morals come from? I thought I knew what I was, and how I was to be around him, and now – I don’t even know myself anymore.

I run all the way to the Great Hall and I bang on the doors. And I don’t do it for any other reason but try to get my mind to go right. Let out all my anger and frustration with myself.

I never thought I’d kiss him. Do you know what it’s like, resenting someone for years, and then letting go of everything you know, turning yourself into just another snog?

Do you know what the fuck that feels like?

Why did I let this happen? I feel like screaming, but instead I stop slamming my fists against the doors of the Great Hall and fall down to the ground. I look down to find my knuckles bleeding, but I don’t care. Why should I?

Why should I care about anything anymore? When I gave into the most indifferent person I’ve ever met? He doesn’t care about me, he doesn’t like me like he says he does, and he has no respect for me. I let him… Use me. For a snogging session. I rest my head in my hands as I feel like crying my heart out. I breathe in ragged breaths, and I heave until my lungs feel like they can breathe on their own, somewhat. If I could only find my voice. But I’m afraid I’ll just start screeching if I do.

Everything I believed in is gone. I’m a hypocrite now. Holy crap, I can’t deal with this. I can’t get my mind around it. I close my eyes and tilt my head up towards the ceiling and try to breathe a bit. I try to compose myself from turning into a complete wreck, but my mind doesn’t make it easy for me.

There was this system that I noticed with James. He moved on quickly, and got over things and moved on pretty fast. This is why he’s always had a different girl on his arm every week. Decent? Not in the slightest. How dare I give into him. How dare I think that I could let go of everything I believed in and do something I never would have done. Now I’m just part of his system. Nothing would have changed for him, maybe. But me? I don’t think I’ve ever gone through something like this. The crazy thing is, a part of me feels guilty. And the other feels disappointed and angry. Why can’t I choose?

I’ve never felt so… Untouched.

All the places James rested his hands on, don’t even feel like my own skin. I can’t feel anything. He’s won. After years of trying to supposedly ‘get with me’, James has finally won.

I cry out in frustration and slam my head against the doors. I can’t reason my mind over it. What kills me is that I was willingly kissing him. Why did I do it? What caused me to not be myself? And more importantly… why did I like it? It’s like we had no control over each other, and the irrationality of the situation almost made James Potter say something I know he wouldn’t have meant.

Whether or not my mind remembers it in the slightest isn’t my concern. I don’t care what he had to say. The moment is over now. Fuck. The moment? It was just a moment, wasn’t it? Something that will never get off my back? That’s what I was.

A moment.

A moment he might as well forget about. Because I’m not worth remembering.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

Jessica gasps when I slam open the door to our dormitory. “Lily, what happened!?”

I can’t stop fast enough to take a breath between speaking. “I can’t, I can’t think about this, Jessica. I can’t do this anymore. My head hurts too much.” I cover my head in my hands as she rushes to get her slippers on. Jessica flies off the bed and takes me in her arms.

“Don’t do this to me, Lily!” Jessica looks pained, but I can’t tell because my eyes are so blurry. “Dear, what went on? Why are you crying? You took off your hoodie? Why do you smell weird?”

I feel as if my head is breaking into pieces, Jessica.

“Jessica, I can’t talk about this now. I need to escape. I don’t want to think about this-”

“Where were you? When I came back up here I reasoned you went to take a shower or return that book from the library or something. Hell, even stopped to chat with Spunky for a bit in the kitchens. I thought… I thought you were okay. I am so stupid. I should have asked where you were-”

I sob. “No, Jess. It’s nowhere near your fault.” I know she’s not pushing me to open up, because she cares enough about me to help me. What ever works the best with out breaking me. If Jess came to me like this I’d want to know what happened stat. She has so much patience with me. And I think it’s because she has the ability to be trusting and patient. I feel so much affection for her that I take her into a hug. I wish I could explain everything. But I feel so paralyzed. Sometimes she’s the only person that truly understands me. She deserves an explanation. I can’t let her see me like this, make her worry.

“Oh,” she says, surprised that I’m hugging her to death. “Lily, you’re making me wanna cry, what’s going on? You can tell me later, but just… tell me what to do,” she says to me desperately.

Before I can even register a thought I say, “Get me Frank.”

Jessica takes my face in her hands and looks at me sincerely. “Okay.”

Jessica quickly gets Frank, who – by no surprise – just came down from his dormitory to watch television in the common room in his pajamas. I hear a bit of bickering, so I walk down the stairs slowly, and I see Jessica swiftly talking to him.

“Get up, Frank Longbottom. Don’t make me say it again.”

I see the back of Frank’s head tilt slightly. “I just came down here to watch TV, and you just waltz over and tell me to get my arse up, for a reason you still haven’t told me-”

“She needs you,” Jessica cuts in. I take a step on the stairs and my foot creaks on a hollow step. Ergo, they hear a creak. I just stand there, hugging myself, my face stained with water as I look up at a shocked looking Frank. Ah, no. I shouldn’t have caused this ruckus… This doesn’t even concern them; what was I thinking? This is my entire fault, anyway.

“Fuck, Evans. What’s wrong?!” Frank gets off the couch in less than a second and is at my side almost immediately.

“I don’t know what’s going on with me,” I mumble. He silences me and puts me under his arm. I lean on him. “It’s alright,” he says, concerned.

“What went on?” I hear him ask.

“She didn’t say anything. She’ll speak when she’s ready. But she requested to see you, for some odd reason,” Jessica responds. Surprisingly, she’s not jealous. Just a bit, tussled. I wouldn’t blame her. I just erupted in tears and told her I needed Frank. Wow, I’m a great friend, aren’t I?

*insert crappyness here*

“Jess, I’m sorry.”

“Lily, it’s fine. Just call me if you need me, okay?” She whispers this and pats my shoulder. Jessica makes her way up the stairs, reluctantly, and brushes passed Frank. “Take care of her.”

He gives her a strong look and nods his head.

And then there’s silence. 

_moments later_

After a couple minutes of this momentary stillness, I get up off the arm chair and look at him. “I can’t talk about this, this way…”

“Lily. You realize it’s been almost ten minutes that we’ve been pushing each other to say something? You wanna tell me, but don’t wanna tell me. You have Finelly worried sick about you upstairs and you haven’t said a word. I’m not going to push you to explain everything to me. But there must be a reason why you came to me. Besides the fact that you’d know I’d be up this late, considering I never go to sleep early.”

I let out a sigh, but it’s more of a shudder. “Frank. Where are your cigarettes?”

He blinks. “What?

“I need your cigarettes, Frank. Give them to me. Now. I can’t deal with this. I need to relax-”

“NO,” he barks. “There is no bloody way I’m giving you a speedway ticket into the back pocket of my pants to grab my box of cigarettes, and have a smoke.”

“But you always - !”

“NO!”

I cross my arms in an annoyed manner. His facial features turn a bit softer around the edges as he sees my face. “Look, it’s not the way to go. I was stupid enough to get hooked on them when I was younger. It was the worst decision of my life. I was weak. I wasn’t smart enough to understand that if you try to lose yourself for just one moment of what you think is relaxation, the problem won’t go away. It’ll come back and stare you right in the face.”

“But I don’t care! I just need comfort.”

He’s silent. “Argh! I need something,” I whimper helplessly. “Please.

With an aggravated sigh, he gets up. “Alright. Fine. I’m sure we can find something in the kitchens. Go get your shit and put on your slippers, we’re gonna hang with the house elves.”

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

After I quickly went upstairs to change into my pajama shorts and slippers, we headed down to the kitchens. I didn’t know what Frank had planned.

That’s a lie.
I didn’t know what Frank had planned THEN.
But I know NOW.

We are in the company of Spunky, my favorite house elf, and another two elves who seem to know Frank quite well. We’re sitting at a sort of bar area. It has two stools, occupied by Frank and I, and a tall table where the house elves reside on the other side. Long story short, I’m hammered.

Frank was mumbling about ‘just this once’ and ‘I’m only doing this so you can get comfortable’ and ‘never again are we doing this.’

I had no idea what the boy was saying at the time.

I had a shot of Russian vodka. Damn, that’s some heavy stuff. Never, in all my life, did I think, ‘Shit- I need a drink’! Nope. Never.

I also never thought that Spunky had the hook up! I wonder how Mr. Longbottom Ye Oh Faithful One found out about this place. Is this where all the teachers go when they say they have a ‘professor’s conference’? Because I can actually see McGonagall sipping on a Cosmo.

Frank assured me before we entered the kitchens (or the hidden bar, rather) that this was just a one time thing; he didn’t want to see me whine and cry about having a fag. He thought this was the best solution besides cigarettes. Because he said apparently the world would end if I smoked one. But, I actually agreed about coming down here. I’m freaking stubborn and I probably would have bitched at him about not letting me do something to take my mind off the momentary pain. So just a one-time alcohol binge was in session. Just to let everything out. Well, only for me.

He lifts his eyebrow. “Was that your second shot? Wait, when did – Holy blue, is that a bottle of Bourbon!?” I hiccup and he reaches over to take it out of my hands. He freaks.

“I’m gonna slap you; where the hell did you get this? Did Spunky give it to you when I wasn’t looking?” Frank frowns and leans over the bar table, tucking the bottle of Bourbon under the counter.

“Psh, I stolded it…” I slur.

He gives me HIS ‘wtf’ face. “Stolded it?”

I hiccup again and finish my last remaining shot as Spunky comes back to clean up.

“Hey, what’s that electric-y green looking bottle, Spunky? I haven’t tried that yet-” Frank cuts me off with a death glare.

“Over my fucking dead body. You are NOT drinking Absinthe.”

“Hm…”

He puts a hand up in front of me and closes his eyes, like the peaceful Buddha’s do. “No,” he says simply.

I pout.
He ignores.

“Are you ready to talk now?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I reply lazily.

So I tell him everything. Literally. Every last detail.
I know right? Thank the Bourbon for that, since I hadn’t realized until AFTER I said it.

Frank just stood there and listened. And at those tense moments he raised his eyebrows, and at the end he did that weird face he always does when he tries to solve a problem.

“Can I point out something?” He asks out of the blue.

“Sure?”

“Did you notice anything strange that happened during all that stuff with James?”

“Uh. No?”

“No little…details, of any sort?”

“Not that I can remember. Well, besides the fact that we were playing around with Remus’s Grandmother’s stuff.”

“If I remember correctly, you said you were playing with some of his granny’s scents, right?”

“Well, yeah. Before Potter and I had that weird traumatizing experience,” I tell him, trying not to slur my words.

He looks down for a moment and back up again. He licks his lips and puts his eyebrows together. “Lily. What kind of scents?”

“Oh, there was a whole pink box full of them! But the one I picked up, er, I don’t really remember much after I picked it up, but I – OH.”

My mouth drops. That perfume. I totally forgot about the perfume!

“Ever heard of that old proverb of never inhaling an old wizard’s or witch’s perfume and/or cologne? The aging does serious chemical changing to those things, you know.”

I put my fingers through my hair and try to get the circulation back in my skull. I massage the roots of my hair and close my eyes. “Crap, I completely forgot about that. Maybe that’s the reason we…” and Frank finishes for me.

“Snogged like in a Hispanic soap opera?”

My face is now flat as a brick. “Yes,” I mumble.

“Alright, let’s go a bit off topic for a second. Forget about the perfume, we’ll ask Remus later.”

“OH, GOD! Remus! He knows! He -!”

Frank shoves my shoulder roughly, almost throwing me off the stool. “Snap out of it,
Woman! This is not the time.” What the freak.

“How did you feel about it? Before, during, and after? Only what you can remember, of course,” says Frank, while I try to climb back on the stool. Spunky’s already finished cleaning up by now, locking everything up.

“I don’t even want to think about it…”

“Lily, you came to me for advice, right? Or some sort of closure? You have to work with me, here.”

I start to blink rapidly. Oh, crap. Is that what I’m doing? Why did I just ask for Frank when Jessica asked me what I needed? Was that the reason why I thought of Frank – because I had a problem? No, I like this. I like Frank. He’s nice and wise and isn’t quick to judge. I mean, all these boos have helped me cope with the fact that I just snogged James Potter: Hogwarts’ Resident Bad Boy. And he's letting me get smashed on my own accord.

“Er, yes and no. It’s complicated; it’s a bit like this,” I start. “For some weird reason, I can trust you. And I have no idea why that’s suddenly come about, but it has. But I don’t want you to think I’m using you for some advice-”

“-I wouldn’t feel used, don’t worry about it-”

“-Because I actually enjoy your company.”

We look at each other for a long minute. And then he nods.
And that’s all I really need to know he understands.

“Well,” he almost smiles. Hah, wise man almost smiles. “What does that make you?”

“You’re friend?” I kind of conclude. Frank acts weirdly to this. He does that hesitant jitter old people do when they’re excited, except, for some reason, I don’t think it’s because of excitement. I think he looks…

Worried.

This makes me befuddled. Bah.
What ever. I just snogged James Potter.
Yep. I think the liquor’s made me deal with reality much easier.
That’s good.

“Back on topic,” Frank begins again. “Let’s think about some things, shall we?”

“Go ahead. Shoot.”

“Tell me one reason why you hate him.”

“Humph. I didn’t say I hated him.”

“You act like it.”

“No. I resent him. There’s a difference.”

“Is there, really?” Frank asks naively.

“Yes.” I bite my lip.

“Intriguing. That’s not what I was told.”

I am intrigued. “Who told you what?”

“Oh, nothing. Just that, someone came up to me and thought that doing something would get a certain someone to stop hating another certain someone. And in the process helping the certain someone and the other certain someone to stop and talk about some things that went out through some of their years. Technically speaking, of course.”

“Uh – WHAT?” I burst curtly.

“Nevermind,” he waves off. “But, I do think that you and him should consider having a talk to get everything out in the open. Like hidden feelings, perhaps.”

I almost bark at him, despite my lack of a straight mind. “Shut the bloody hell up. I do not have hidden feelings for him. It was just something we did, for some stupid reason. And which, without further reasoning, can not be classified into a scapegoat of some sort. And if your little smart-ass self doesn’t understand, it means that you can’t pin point a reason for why we both did what we did yet. It hasn’t exactly been explained.”

“Rubbish. There must have been something there. Don’t treat this like a Potions experiment.”

“I am not!”

“Yes, you are, Lily Evans. If things don’t go straight the way you planned it, you freak out. You’re pissed off that life isn’t like an equation sometimes. You’re like the opposite of James, who lets things pass by him, dealing with the fact that life isn’t far.” 

“Psh, you’re telling me.”

“So you agree with him?”

“In what sense?”

“That things happen without reason, and sometimes you don’t need any kind of reason to like it or understand it? Or just the fact that shit happens; you just have to find a way to move on?”

“No and no. The part about life not being fair.” He rolls his eyes.

“Think about it. You haven’t tried to make peace with him because of who knows what, and then you snog him. You don’t know why you did it, and you’re mind is stabbing you to come up with a conclusion to help you understand the point.”

I rub my forehead. “Frank, you are SO complicated.”

“That’s how you deal with things,” he says, ignoring me. “You need a reason, or an explanation, or someone to blame for you to deal with it. Because it hurts too much to think that stuff just happens for no reason – and you hate that life chooses to confuse you, but we have to expect it, and just move on. You can’t analyze everything because life isn’t planned out like that, Lily. I’m saying this because I care; stop kidding yourself, and take that road through your mind and think about you and James thoroughly.”

I suddenly feel a lump in my throat. Do I honestly do that? Oh, this isn’t fair. My life went up in flames and I was ignored. It was James that started this. Besides, if he missed me from our childhood relationship then why did he pretend to like me? And act so childish? And that kiss…ing. It meant nothing, right?

“Frank, I-” But I’m gob-smacked.

Seriously, I just slammed my hand against my mouth.
That lump in my throat? Yeah, it isn’t what I thought it was.

Frank puts his hand on my shoulder. “Woah, you okay? Oh, crap. Oh, no – NOT HERE!”

And before I know it I throw up all over the table top.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

I go over the events I’ve been through lately in my head.

“Why, Frank. Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Make me think?” He holds my hair as I throw up.

He basically carried me to the girls’ lavatory after I threw up all that muck from my drinking binge. Sarcastically, (and quite ironically) I wasn’t surprised when Frank told me this wasn’t the first time he’d entered the girls’ toilets. Now, just picture us, in our pajamas, squeezing into a little cubicle, while I throw up my guts.

Only me, would this ever occur.

We are both kneeling next to each other, except I’m kind of wrenching over the toilet like the Hunch Back.

“Sometimes, people ignore things for a while, and they end up disappearing. A person needs a good thinking now and then. If not, said person can go crazy. You’re not crazy, Lily.”

“I feel like shit, Frank.”

“Shhh, I know,” he mumbles, whilst keeping a hold of my hair.

I come back up after a good minute and rest my arms around the toilet bowl. “You know what I don’t get?”

Frank stays silent.

“He was the one ignoring me. Potter, mister high-and-mighty, just tossed me aside, after beating up Amos Diggory for me. He did it all because of me. And he still had the balls to run in the other direction, like a coward, when it came to facing me. Fuck chivalry. He didn’t speak to me, didn’t even try to settle things, and just hid from me-”

I hurl again.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says to me.

“Oh, really,” I slur, not necessarily using it as a question that needs answering.

“How can I say this without breaking promises…? Ah, alright, Lily-”

“What the hell are you jabbering on about?” I snap, before plunging my head back down again.

“There’s a reason why James was avoiding you.” His words echo through the bathroom like rocks being thrown against the walls.

“And what is it, may I ask?” I say this almost groggily, as my throat feels sore from the vomiting.

“He had realized something that almost changed his life.”

I wipe the vomit off my lips and my knees buckle from under me; I end up sitting on the ground, cradling the toilet seat.

I don’t look at Frank while I wait for him to continue. “He found out he was in love with you, Lily.” It was silent for a while before it registered in my head.

I look at Frank Longbottom.

I am honestly at a loss for words. Now that I kind of have my voice back since the basement incident, I can’t find any appropriate vocabulary to express myself.

James… in love with me? No. It isn’t possible. He’s never loved me. He like me when we were kids.

“No,” I say strongly, my voice still croaking a bit.

“Yes. That night, after everything, after the party and the fire whiskey and Diggory, James found out on his own. He was in love with you.”

I drop my arms and they fall to the cold floor, next to my tangled legs. “No,” I repeat weakly.

Frank pulls at my hair and lifts my head up, looking me straight in the eyes.

“Yes.”

I try to push him away but I only manage to get him to let go of my fiery red hair.

“He was afraid, Lily. He didn’t know what was going on with himself. Even Remus couldn’t understand why he was acting like that. James had never been through sometimes like what he did with you. James didn’t know what to do-”

I didn’t know what to do!” I burst, as I start crying again. The tears, as cliché as it sounds, taste salty and come down fast. I don’t care if he sees me because, well, I have no idea. But I’ve been dealing with ‘no ideas’ for a while, so I shouldn’t protest anyway.

Frank sighs. “Do you know what it’s like to be in love with someone, thinking that the person doesn’t love you back?”

I start to weep, and use the back of my hand to wipe off my nose. Frank gets the toilet paper and helps me.

“Here, let me do it,” he says, pushing my hands away.

I let him. Only because I’m too weak to do anything else but stay, limp as I am.

“James didn’t know why he all of a sudden felt this way about you. At first he didn’t know what to call it, but he wanted to know for sure if it was love. See if it was the real deal – so he tested it.” I look up at Frank, afraid to hear more.

“With Leslie Toudren.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks as I keep crying.

“He had a snog with her to see if he felt the same way, and he didn’t. Nothing was there. He couldn’t go out with girls for the fun of it anymore. James realized at that point, there was no one else he would rather kiss, or hug, or do anything with, if it wasn’t with you.”

You’d think that Frank speaking this way to me would be uncomfortable, awkward, and embarrassing, but it’s not. It’s almost endearing.

I shut my eyes and count to ten. I release a humongous breath I didn’t even know I was holding.

“Don’t do this,” I say, keeping my eyes closed. Frank discards the toilet paper he used to wipe me off. He tosses it in the bowl and flushes. “Don’t do what?”

“Break your promise to James.” I don’t care if I use his name in the open. I don’t care. Not anymore.

Those times when I saw James and Frank speaking… they were about me, weren’t they? I was right? He came to Frank for help?

“This is the first time I’ve broken someone’s trust,” he concludes, frowning profusely, a bit upset with himself. “I’ve already told you, it’s too late.”

“Why did you?” I sob. I cannot put my head in line. James is supposedly in love with me and Frank broke the promise of his services to James.

He takes my head in his hands and brushes some of the tears away.

“Because you deserve to know the truth,” he says earnestly. He lets go of my face and meshes his lips together, in thought. “Because I’ve never had someone to take care of before, to look after.”

My eyebrows come together as I try to figure him out.

“Because I’ve never really had a sister before.”

“Bah,” I mumble faintly, trying to respond. Before I ask who, what, where, or why, he continues.

“You know. My mother, before she left us, she took something away from me. Away from our whole family.”

I feel my head start to clog with Frank’s information as I try to put it all together.

“I was going to have a little sister. But I guess she didn’t want it. My mother, she… had an abortion before she left.”

I gasp surprisingly and I look at Frank. What am I supposed to feel or say when someone opens up and tells you something like that? I want to cry for him. I say I have problems, when other people in this world are suffering daily. I say that I feel like my life is going to end, when really, someone else’s life somewhere in the world actually is ending. I feel like I’ve been taking advantage of things. And it makes me feel ungrateful for what I have.

For the first time, right at this moment, I try to open my mind to what Frank’s wisdom has shown me.

There’s more to life than this. Than some stupid teenage confusion.

“I felt like she stole something away from me, you know? It’s almost as if she wanted to get rid of the memory of us. In fact, she was probably disgusted by it. I mean, you leave your life behind, and you just take off and get rid of everything that might tell you how much of a disappointment you are. Including a baby, a human, you’re tossing in the can, because it reminds you of disappointment. And that’s what she was. A disappointment. And I hope one day she realizes that.”

Suddenly, kissing James Potter doesn’t even feel like an issue anymore.

“The first couple of times we talked this year, I could tell you didn’t want to reach that point of discussion about our families. Let alone our mothers. You and I could both tell that neither of us wanted to talk about it. Since this is a train wreck experience for you, I thought that I could share something with you, too. I also think it’s because you are in dire need of a weird and unorthodox form of therapy. If I can open up and realize how things have been fucked up, then maybe it’ll open your mind and help you get through this.”

“But why?” I ask him. He’s asking me to think like him, isn’t he? Take as an example how he got over things…

“Because for the first time since my mother left us, I’ve found someone I can trust. Lily, there is so much more to you than meets the eye. Everyone sees you but no one really looks at you. Sometimes you remind me of myself, and I kind of admire that quality.”

“You are a complex individual.” I purse my lips and hug I him. I think he’s smiling, but I don’t check his face because I’m too busy hugging the crap out of him. And we just stay there, talking about random things…moments…our lives… until he helps me back in the common room. It’s all I think about, what happened tonight. Even when I’m snuggling in my bed.

Frank is something else. He’s made me realize that I need to fix this. Between James and I. Once and for all. Ignoring this or hiding the fact that there might be something wicked coming this way won’t conceal the fact that it needs to be talked about. We’re both old enough to deal with these things, right? I’m going to talk to James as soon as possible. About this stupid train wreck. But I have to prepare myself, I think. Frank would want me to prepare myself so that I’ll know what’s coming next. This, in reality, is a load of shit. Because I have no idea what’s coming next.

And I am absolutely terrified.



Author's Note - Not sure if i'm done with the pictures yet, but i'll keep you posted on my blog! =] So, any foreshadowing you think is going to happen ?

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