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Giving Professor Snape A Dose Of His Own Potion by rosai_gryffindor

Format: Short story
Chapters: 6
Word Count: 19,365
Status: WIP

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Contains Slash (Same-Sex Pairing), Substance Use or Abuse

Genres: General, Humor, Romance
Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape, Seamus, Neville, Draco, Dean, Ginny
Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Draco/Hermione, Snape/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 11/03/2007
Last Chapter: 08/20/2011
Last Updated: 08/20/2011


"‘Shnape ish on ze road to lurrrve… Garrrrrraw!'"
Somebody has slipped Professor Snape a Love Potion, but for whom? And it isn't necessarily a girl...
The Gryffindors are fed up with Snape treating them badly all the time, so they decide to teach him a lesson. But what happens when their crazy plan spirals out of control?

Chapter 2: Revenge Is Sweet

Disclaimer: In this chapter, Snape sings in the shower (and yes, he is actually washing!) Does that really sound like something Rowling would write? Thought not…

Chapter 2 - Revenge Is Sweet

Professor Snape sipped his pumpkin juice the following morning, evilly eyeing the students who had come down early for breakfast. His eyes were glittering as usual with a mean and scathing coolness, but as he drank the last few drops, they began to soften and become rather misty. He felt an affectionate warmth spread up from his heart and into his chest, and began to support rather a goofy grin. He forgot completely about his breakfast, instead drawing himself up with a certain grace, feeling that the world had suddenly become a lot brighter than normal. 

Then his happiness was replaced by a certain horror that he had not washed that morning, as he’d taken his weekly bath some days ago. He was also very aware that his robes were rather an unattractive black. What if the person who he suddenly felt so much affection for were to come down to breakfast soon, and see him like this? He couldn’t bare it! 

With an alarming agility and lightness never before seen by anyone when it came to the slimy potions master, he hurried out of the Great Hall towards his living quarters. He received many confused and sniggering stares along the way, but barely noticed as he was more preoccupied hoping he wouldn’t bump into this new love of his life just yet!

Once in his bathroom, he turned on the shower and conjured a bottle of raspberry shampoo, as he did not possess even one bottle of hair washing liquid. Then he took out from a cupboard some manly smelling soap, and finally grabbed a fluffy towel off of the rack beside the sink. 

‘AAAH-LAA-LAAA-TRAA-LEEE-LOOOOOO,’ he sang joyfully whilst soaping the bubbles under his armpits, grinning away happily. 

He squirted the swirly pink shampoo into his greasy and straggly crop of hair, smoothing it into a frothy lather before rinsing the suds out thoroughly. 

When he was satisfied with his cleanliness he turned off the water and wrapped his dripping self in the towel, rubbing his hair with another. Afterwards he blow-dried it with his wand so that it lay soft, shiny and fluffy upon his shoulders. He then took out a pair of clean robes and arranged them neatly around his body whilst humming a tune in a surprisingly mellow and tonal voice. But the full length mirror on the back of the door caught his reflection and he frowned. As if caught by sudden inspiration, he pointed his wand at the coarse material and they immediately flushed to a royal emerald green. 

‘Perfect! It even matches…’ muttered Snape to himself, doing a sort of twirl on the spot. ‘…I look sexy!’ 

He noticed that his face was rather pallid and pale, and so pinched his cheeks to give a light flush of colour, smiling at himself in the mirror and trying out different poses.

‘Oh yersh…’ he spoke, in a low and slightly French accented voice. ‘Shnape ish on ze road to lurrrve… Garrrrrraw!’ 

He brushed his teeth ‘til they gleamed, and squirted on some aftershave, overcome with a desire to show off his new look to the love of his life, who was most probably at breakfast by now. Smiling at the thought of this, he skipped out of his room and back to the Great Hall, slowing to a graceful walk as he entered through the doors, eyes bright and eager as he scanned the house tables. 

There was a sudden silence as everyone caught sight of the potions master’s cheery attire, and giggles began to break out as he headed towards the Gryffindor table. 

‘Harry!’ he called huskily, appearing behind the shocked Gryffindors, who were spluttering and gasping with laughter. ‘Harry, how are you this morning?’ He bent down and ruffled Harry’s jet black hair, grinning madly. 

Harry gulped and tried to straighten his face. ‘Hi professor,’ he managed to say, smiling back and ignoring Dean and Seamus who were clutching their sides and making teasing kissing noises. ‘Are you feeling ok?’ 

Snape chuckled and smoothed back his hair. ‘Oh yes, very much so while you are around.’ He stepped back and flourished his arms widely. ‘I love you Mr Potter, and that is the most beautiful feeling in the world!’ 

The Hall rang with laughter as he tried to hug the stunned boy, who pushed him back gently. ‘Sorry Sir, not now,’ said Harry awkwardly, noting the strong scent of raspberries with great amusement as Ron guffawed loudly beside him. 

Snape’s lip began to quiver. ‘Don’t you love me too?’ he asked sadly, and there came a crash from the opposite side of the table as Neville fell off of the bench. 

It was all Harry could do to stop himself from joining Neville in collapsing to the floor and rolling about laughing. ‘It’s not that,’ he gasped, ‘just that you must earn my love.’ 

These words caused the whole of the Gryffindors to erupt into a loud burst of laughter, which Snape ignored fervently. ‘What must I do Mr Potter?’ he asked eagerly, getting down on his knees and clutching the hem of Harry’s robes. 

‘You must be nice to the Gryffindors in the potions lesson today,’ replied Harry sincerely, ‘and not to the Slytherins. They are your enemies and want to stop you from loving me.’ 

Snape nodded. ‘Anything, anything for you! I am at your service Harry, and I will win your heart!’ 

He stood up and smoothed back his fluffy hair, giving a strange curtsy. ‘Now can I hug you? Pwease?’ 

‘Err, all right then,’ spluttered Harry, his emerald eyes filling with tears of mirth. 

Snape beamed and bent down to embrace him, expression full of delighted affection. Then he leapt up and blew him a kiss. ‘See you later Harry,’ he trilled, making his way up to the staff table in little skips.

The teachers all looked at him with a mixture of alarm and delight as he took his seat, not quite knowing what to say. 

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. ‘Good morning, Severus,’ he said pleasantly, ‘you are looking happy this morning.’ 

Snape gave him a huge smile in return. ‘I am in love, Albus!’ he breathed. ‘Isn’t it wonderful?’ 

‘Very,’ muttered Minerva dryly, the creases in the corners of her eyes showing her silent laughter as her colleague began to hum sweetly and help himself to a bagel. 

‘Fantastic prank,’ whispered Flitwick to Dumbledore, his face red from laughter. ‘Haven’t seen the likes for years now! Who was it do you know?’ 

Dumbledore smiled and looked towards the Gryffindors, who were all engaged in delighted conversation which centred around a madly laughing Harry. 

‘I suspect, Fillius, that young Mr Potter and his friends may be behind it. Severus has been giving them rather a hard time I have heard.’ 

‘Well good for them, good for them,’ squeaked the tiny charms professor. ‘I have never seen Severus in love, it is rather alarming don’t you think?’ 

The headmaster glanced over to his right, where Snape was now admiring his face in a conjured hand mirror, and stifled a laugh. ‘Oh I think he is rather charming…’ 

‘He smells of raspberries!’ stated McGonagall rather disgustedly to herself as Flitwick asked worriedly, ‘Is there something you aren’t telling me Albus?’ 

Dumbledore winked. ‘Well if there was, I wouldn’t admit it now, would I?’ 

Snape put away the mirror and contented himself with watching Harry admiringly. ‘Such a hero!’ he kept exclaiming, twiddling his hair around his wand. 

The other teachers giggled and exchanged exasperated glances, finishing their breakfasts in silence. 


‘That-’ spluttered Seamus, twenty minutes later, ‘was absolutely- brilliant!’ 

Parvati and Lavender giggled hysterically. ‘I love you Mr Potter, and that is the most beautiful feeling in the world!’ they mimicked, imitating Snape’s swoons. 

Hermione wiped tears away from her eyes. ‘He was staring at you all through breakfast, Harry,’ she said teasingly. 

‘Oh shut up!’ he answered, laughing again and nursing the stitch in his side. ‘I never imagined he would be so silly! It’s marvellous that potion, I can’t wait ‘til our lesson this afternoon!’ 

‘Me neither!’ squeaked Neville happily. 

‘Yeah!’ breathed Ron. ‘Should be the best one of our lives!’ 

Dean sighed in happiness. ‘And the best part is that we have more access to the stuff!’ he reminded. ‘There’s vat loads of it down there!’ 

Harry and Ron looked at him in delight, but Hermione frowned. ‘What do we need more for?’ she asked. 

Dean suddenly looked uncomfortable. ‘Oh, um… well we don’t really, its just, good to have to hand is all…’ 

At these words Lavender looked suddenly interested, and whispered something to Parvati who put her hand to her mouth in slight shock, then grinned. 

Hermione looked at the two with suspicion but said nothing; she was used to their silly gossiping. 

‘Well I just hope that none of you do anything too crazy,’ she warned. ‘Remember it is never clever to play the same trick twice.’ 

They reached the Gryffindor common room and flopped down into the comfy seats, joining in with the chatter of excited students who were all discussing the morning’s events. Nobody seemed to be getting ready for the school day, and all seemed to have forgotten completely about lessons. It wasn’t until McGonagall came storming into the common room to ask what on earth they thought they were doing that the students made their way to lessons, those who had Potions on their day’s schedule actually looking forward to it for the first time in their lives. 

‘Harry, can I talk to you?’ asked the disapproving professor before Harry could leave for Charms, her lips in a thin line and hair escaping slightly from under her hat. 

‘Um, sure…’ he agreed hesitantly, not liking her expression. ‘I’ll catch you guys up later,’ he added to Ron and Hermione, who were hanging around in interest. 

‘I just wanted to warn you,’ began McGonagall once the portrait closed behind them, ‘that in regards to Professor Snape’s erm… performance this morning, that… well, that teacher-pupil relationships are absolutely-’ here her voice cracked as she tried not to laugh nervously, and Harry was now looking positively alarmed at what she was implying, ‘absolutely forbidden. So if you, err, well should you return his feelings…’ 

Harry flushed bright red. ‘Professor, how could you think- I mean, Snape! I…’ Then he couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing, and the Transfiguration teacher joined him. 

She put her hand out after a while, to stop his stutters. ‘Very well, I am glad you think that, Potter, although I never actually expected you to… well you know. It’s just that, it would be my job’s worth if I hadn’t warned you and you-’ 

Harry just stared at her. 

‘Right, well, off to lessons then,’ she ended briskly, cheeks tinged red, realising that she had said too much now. ‘Severus, too, knows fully the rules, but because of him not being in his right mind, and the circumstances behind it all…’ here she gave Harry a stony look, and he shuffled guiltily. ‘He is excused for his behaviour.’ 

Harry nodded. He felt that if he tried to speak he would just start laughing again. ‘I understand, professor,’ he managed finally, and with a tight smile, she turned on her heal and left the room. 


After lunch, the fifth year Gryffindors walked into the potions dungeon rather apprehensively, bracing themselves for whatever may happen. They were greeted by the beaming face of Professor Snape, who’s misty eyes sought out Harry’s, lighting up when he found their bright greenness. 

‘Harry!’ he exclaimed warmly, smoothing his hair back in what he thought was a sexy manner. ‘I have something for you Harry!’ And he took out a red rose from his pocket and flourished it in front of the amused Gryffindor with a smile that bared his magically sparkling (but still yellowish) teeth. His eyes showed such a want to please that Harry felt he had to take it.

‘Thanks, Sir,’ he said, as the other Gryffindors stifled their laughs. ‘What are we doing today?’ 

Professor Snape clapped his hands together happily. ‘We will be carrying on with our study of Love Potions my dear, dear boy! Learning the counter potion, and its properties!’ 

Lavender sighed. ‘Sir?’ she asked eagerly, and Snape turned to her with a goofy smile. ‘Sir, can we brew the Love Potion again instead? Only it didn’t go too well last time…’ 

‘Oh please,’ came a low, drawling voice, and Harry looked around to see Draco Malfoy and his fellow Slytherins coming through the door. ‘As if he’ll let you do it again when you were clearly incapable of making it the first time.’ 

Snape turned to face Malfoy with a scathing look that would never normally be seen on his face when talking to a Slytherin. ‘And that is where you are wrong, Mr Malfoy,’ the lovesick teacher said, beaming, and Malfoy’s look of complete indignation was something the Gryffindors would never forget. ‘Though I wish to serve Mr Potter’s desires today, so he shall decide what we shall do. Harry?’ he asked, smiling affectionately at him. 

‘I think we should re-do the potion, Sir,’ replied Harry, and Lavender looked smug as the rest of the Gryffindors nodded approvingly. 

‘Very well! Then that is what we shall do. To your seats, children!’ cried the potions master, hugging his emerald robe to his chest. 

‘But Sir-’ began Malfoy loudly. ‘Sir, you’ve been hoodwinked. You’re not really in love with Potter, he’s slipped you Love Potion, the very one that you are letting them make more of today! Sir, you hate Pothead and his Gryffindor gang of-’ 

‘Silence!’ growled Snape, his black eyes glittering as he looked down his hooked nose at Malfoy, who cowered slightly under his gaze, eyes full of shock. ‘You will do as I say! And NEVER insult Harry in front of me. I love him, he is ten times nicer and politer and greater than you will ever be Mr Malfoy. Fifteen points off of Slytherin for your cheek and insults.’ 

Malfoy’s cheeks were flushed a bright pink. ‘But-’ he spluttered, lip quivering. 

‘Don’t argue with me, go and sit down. And don’t be such a baby…’ he added, as Malfoy went into a pouty mouthed sulk. ‘You disgust me.’ 

With these words he left Malfoy muttering darkly to his shocked friends, and made his way over to Harry, Ron and Hermione with a satisfied smile on his face. ‘How are we doing, my friends?’ he asked lightly. ‘Aaaahhh, Miss Granger, that looks perfect! But Mr Weasley, Mr Potter…’ here he gave Harry a radiant smile ‘…yours needs a little work. Let me help you…’ 

It was the best potions lesson the Gryffindors had ever experienced. Snape was all smiles and compliments, even joking a few times. He helped Neville perfect his technique and praised Hermione sky high for her abilities, even joking that she is like a walking textbook. He also kept coming to sit by Harry, staring at him misty eyed, and occasionally correcting a mistake. 

‘Sir?’ asked Parvati. ‘Sir, can you check this for me?’ 

Snape looked at Harry. ‘Shall I?’ he asked, ‘I don’t really feel like abandoning you.’ 

Harry stifled a laugh. ‘It would make me happy if you went and helped her, Sir.’ 

Snape sighed. ‘Very well! Your wish is my command... Certainly Miss Patil,’ he called to Parvati, who flicked her long dark hair back in appreciation. 

‘Sir?’ came another call, this time from Malfoy. ‘Sir, can you check mine for me please?’ 

Snape jumped up and strode over to the smirking Slytherins, seething with annoyance and pulling up his sleeves, his mouth set in a thin line, and eyes glittering with distain. 

‘Rubbish,’ he muttered, breathing down Malfoy’s neck to look in his cauldron, as Malfoy paled and recoiled. ‘This is a useless attempt, and I will not help you,’ spat the annoyed teacher. ‘You insulted Harry.’ 

He moved along the benches, looking into the other Slytherin’s cauldrons. All except for Crabbe and Goyle had managed to brew the potion, but there were no praises for the Slytherins today. ‘No magazines allowed,’ he barked to Pansy, who had been reading ‘Witch Weekly’ while her potion stewed. ’Twenty points off of Slytherin.’ 

She jumped in fright and dropped the magazine on the floor, glaring at the professor. 

‘Daphne, I am displeased by your hairstyle, five points from Slytherin,’ continued Snape, smirking and turning to give Harry a triumphant wink. 

The Slytherins were outraged. ‘But Sir, you’re docking points off of your own house!’ complained Malfoy, still the only one daring enough to challenge their deranged head of house. 

‘Oh really?’ breathed Snape. ‘And do you think I care when there is something so much more beautiful pulsing in my heart…? Detention.’ 

He gave the astonished pupils a scathing glare before heading back to watch Harry lovingly, stopping along the way to answer a question from Dean. 

Malfoy glared daggers at his back, then turned to his cronies. ‘I’m fed up of this,’ he muttered. ‘The Gryffindors have gone too far! They need to be taught a lesson.’ 

‘I agree,’ simpered Pansy, patting Draco on the arm affectionately. ‘Poor Draky, he really is giving you a hard time.’ 

‘And you,’ added Daphne shaking her blonde curls, ‘he always lets us read stuff while waiting for potions to brew. And what is wrong with my hair?’ 

‘Nothing darling, don’t worry,’ said Pansy. ‘So what are we to do, Draky?’ 

Malfoy smirked. ‘Isn’t it obvious? That Pothead already came up with an idea. Only this time, they will be the object of humiliation.’ 

Pansy and Daphne’s eyes widened, and they looked at him admiringly. ‘Oh Draco you are clever!’ they simpered, whilst Crabbe and Goyle nodded and grunted like donkeys. 

‘Here, take these vials…’ said Malfoy, ‘Snape’ll never know…’ 

Near the front of the dungeon, Lavender and Parvati watched over their perfect potions, whispering and giggling behind their hands. ‘Here…’ squeaked Parvati, handing Lavender something that glinted in the pink light of the dungeon. Then she burst into another fit of the giggles, causing Seamus to look around at them both in amusement. 
‘This prank has been a huge success,’ commented Dean to Seamus, elbowing his friend in the side to stop him staring at the giggling Parvati. ‘I have a mind to do this again…’ 

Seamus looked at him in delight. ‘Could we, do you think?’ he asked quietly. 

Dean looked darkly over at the smiling, fluffy haired potions master. ‘Oh yes,’ he replied. ‘Snape is hilarious when in love, the perfect target!’ 

‘Well then,’ agreed Seamus. ‘Go get us some phials from the storeroom…’ 

Neville’s eyes gleamed happily as he stared at his first ever completed and entirely correct potion. ‘I might just keep some of this,’ he said to himself in wonderment. ‘As a keepsake, so to speak.’ 

Ron glanced at the potions master, who was too interested in praising Harry’s eyes to notice anything else. With a light whistle and an I-am-not-doing-anything-wrong look, he bottled some of his own potion and after corking the top, slipped it into his bag just as the bell rang. 

Snape looked up in astonishment and disappointment. ‘Is it really the end of the lesson already?’ he asked. ‘But we’ve been having so much fun!’ 

‘Yeah, that was the bell Professor. We need to get to our next class,’ said Hermione, packing up her stuff. 

Snape sighed. ‘Ahh, very well then, off you go,’ he said, and the dungeon rang with the many footsteps of people heading towards the door. 

Harry made to leave, but Snape called out. ‘Harry!’ He rushed over and took his hands, worry and sadness in his eyes. ‘When will I see you again?’ 

Harry grinned and patted him reassuringly on the arm. ‘At supper, Professor, so not long to wait.’ 

Snape beamed and gave him a hug, ignoring Ron’s sniggers and Hermione’s embarrassed coughing. ‘’Til later then, my lovely Mr Potter,’ ended Snape, beginning to hum in contentment as he watched Harry, Ron and Hermione leave the dungeon. 

He was so occupied with his love for Harry that he never noticed that many of the students’ cauldrons were almost empty of the Love Potion when they should have been full, nor that a considerable amount of phials had disappeared from his shelves. 

‘AAAH-LAA-LAAA-TRAA-LEEE-LOOOOOO,’ he sang, and the dungeon echoed with his happy song.

A/N: Before you review telling me so, I know that donkeys don’t grunt. But you see, Crabbe and Goyle’s laughs are mere grunts in a ‘haw-hee-haw-hee-haw’ kind of way, thus the grunted like donkeys expression. No insult meant to the donkeys of course! Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope this wasn’t too o.t.t. for anyone, nor too alarming! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! You guys are amazing! :D