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We Couldn't Bring the Columns Down by ladyspirit

Format: Novel
Chapters: 21
Word Count: 59,752
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers

Genres: General, Humor, Romance
Characters: Lupin, Snape, Sirius, Lily, James, Lucius, Narcissa, OC
Pairings: Other Pairing, James/Lily, Lucius/Narcissa, Sirius/OC

First Published: 05/21/2007
Last Chapter: 06/23/2011
Last Updated: 06/23/2011


“STOP THE MADNESS!” James was screaming, his face glowing with mirth. Apparently his groin was recovering. Sirius rolled onto his back,  he had his wand out and it was pointed at Lily.
Read it now or Regret it Later. You have been warned.OVER 29,500 READS! 
Oh yes and fyi this'll be the best thing you ever read.

Chapter 13: Of Balls and Parties

Jazz Gibney was a winner. It was in his nature to be the best. If Jazz Gibney wanted to climb Everest in a day he could do it, he knew he could. People might think him conceited to consider himself, not only adequate, but exceptional at everything he attempted. But Jazz Gibney knew that he was not conceited, he was simply being honest. Hell, if there was a prize for humility he’d probably win that too!

Jazz had spoken his first word when he was just over a year old. He took his first steps a few weeks later. By the time he was three he had taught himself to read. His parents were amazed. Their first child, Gwen, had been gifted but Jazz (or Jack, as he was then known) was awe inspiring.

At the age of eight Jazz had already amazed the local priest with his ability to belt out gospel better than any other singer to pass through the churches huge, arched doors. Jazz, barely tall enough to reach the rest of the choirs waists, led them, a huge voice from a tiny boy. He was also an accomplished striker for Wickham’s under-18s football team. When he had tried out for the team he had played so beautifully that the Coach, a huge brute of a man who had been twice imprisoned for GBH, had to turn away to hide the tears that streamed down his face.

To top everything off Jazz was exceptionally good looking from a very young age. Skin like alabaster, piercing dark eyes, hair so brown it could have been black and a naturally lean physique. Jazz was never a skinny child and had always been taller than the other boys. He never went through that awkward stage of being shorter than his female classmates. Women who would have called the police on other young boys for throwing eggs at their houses would just laugh and roll their eyes when Jazz did it, ‘his mother must be feeding the poor boy too many additives!’ they would tisk to one another, chances were the next time they saw Jazz they would invite him inside for a healthy, additive free, meal.

By eleven he was well over five foot tall and not only noticeably good looking, but strikingly attractive. His girlfriend was sixteen. She went to every church service and football match to cheer her man on and was proud of it. Her friends would tut and throw words like ‘pervert’ and ‘sick’ around but in moments of weakness, even they, would admit that given half the chance they would date him too. After all, he would look great in pictures.

But it was also at age eleven that Jazz suffered his first knock back. June went by, then July, and soon he was wiling away August without a Hogwarts letter. Gwen went to Diagon alley to buy her schoolbooks and Jazz was left behind, utterly confused. Could owls get lost? He asked her. After all, if his sister was magic, of course he would be too? But Gwen wasn’t sure, after all, their parents were muggles.

When, that September, Jazz found himself at a prestigious Muggle grammar school, he was devastated. Every letter he received from Gwen felt like a kick in the teeth. He couldn’t understand this. People had always told him he was special, he was different, he was unique! But how could he be any of these things if he was just like them? He found himself resenting his classmates as if they, in all their normality, were dragging him down with them.

But even with defeat staring him in the face Jazz didn’t know how to acknowledge it. He’d never before had to accept that he couldn’t achieve something, so Jazz decided that he would be magic, even if he wasn’t. It hadn’t been until his third year of High School that Jazz realised how he could become part of Gwen’s special world without need for wands, broomsticks or potions. Gwen was home for Christmas and was reading a newspaper, on the front page was a group of people with tambourines and tin whistles, they were waving and smiling wearing Christmas hats. ‘The Dainty Cockroach do Christmas’ the headline read and as Jazz watched the pop band wink cheerily at him over the breakfast table he felt an idea blossom in his mind. After all, who needed to be magical to be musical?

It had taken cunning. It had taken hard work. But now it had all paid off and here he was, Gwen may have attended Hogwarts but Jazz had conquered it. He watched as it’s pupils squealed his name, the huge banner above the stage read ’Jazz Gibney and the London Porn Stars’, he had just floated from the ceiling… Not bad for a muggle.

“HELLO HOGWARTS!” He boomed, amazed at how loud his voice could be without a microphone. Magic. It really was fascinating. “THANKS FOR HAVING US HERE!”

They went mad. They loved him. One particularly frisky young girl managed to get on stage, she ran at him and Jazz watched in bemusement as she was body slammed by Hank. Good old Hank. The crowed screamed helplessly and Jazz shrugged while pulling a face that made them laugh.

“So you guys might know this first one!” He turned to Alaric, the bassist, and winked. His comrade was grinning. He may not have been the star but Alaric sure did love being in the spot light anyway. “But tonight it has new meaning,” He grinned at the crowed and they surged closer, “I met a girl today,” They screamed, all of them wishing he was speaking of them, “She was gorgeous… stunning… this one’s going out to her,” He looked around the sea of upturned faces, searching for her. He’d met a lot of girls in the past year but none who looked quite as beautiful as her. Her hair had been so red it could have been made of flames, her flawless skin was even whiter than his own, her eyes were like huge jewels cased in ivory. She’d been of medium height, curved just right and obviously very smart… Something about her captivated him. But he couldn’t find her. He knew he had paused too long, he laughed good-naturedly, “Sing along if you know the words…”

- - - -

“That was the best Halloween ball ever, EVER!” Angelica was grinning from ear to ear. Delilah had never liked her, but tonight she was Jessica and had found that, given half the chance, Angelica wasn’t that bad. Although she did keep trying to hit on Sirius which was a bit annoying.

“Yeah it was amazing,” Delilah agreed letting her hand lightly brush Sirius’ before bringing it up to stroke her neck temptingly. She knew he was watching and it thrilled her. She was beginning to think that maybe she just had a sick fascination with secret relationships.

She, Angelica, Sirius, Remus, Pete and Mary were making their way through the corridors. They had been some of the last pupils to be ushered from the Great Hall by McGonagal, many of the Seventh years had been reluctant to leave, fearing that this might be their last school ball before they faced the outside world.

“Slughorn’s having an after party you know,” Mary said in a hushed tone, “Didn’t you all hear? The band are going to be there…”

Angelica grinned, “Do you think we could go?”

“I don’t see why not,” Sirius cried, he had one arm wrapped around Remus’ neck and the other clutching a goblet, “Most of us are in the Slug Club anyway, and I’m sure the Porn Stars won’t object to some more pretty girls,” He winked at Angelica and Mary who rolled their eyes but looked pleased.

“What about me?” Pete asked indignantly and Sirius snorted.

“Well I said pretty girls Pete, you’re certainly bordering on average,”

The group laughed and despite Pete’s weak protests took the next staircase leading towards the dungeons.

“You know, Lily and James have been gone forever,” Remus commented as they descended deeper and deeper into the castle.

“What are you suggesting sir?” Sirius barked and Remus made a face.

“Just that maybe someone should go remind them that they’re missing an opportunity to attend a star studded party? I mean you can shag any night in fairness,”

“Oh Remus!” Shrieked Delilah, “I didn’t know you had it in you! Shagged you say?”

“You suit being a little intoxicated Lupin,” Mary agreed, “It’s rather compelling,”

“Indeed.” Remus smiled at the dark haired girl and was amazed to see her blush.

“Do you think Jazz is just as tall in person?” Pete asked and Delilah turned to him with raised eyebrows.

“We just saw him in person Peter.”

“I know,” Pete rolled his eyes dramatically, “But I mean when he’s not on stage.”

Delilah stared at him for a moment, opened mouthed in her astonishment, then Sirius let a hand drop to pat her bum and she completely forgot the retort that had been on her tongue.

“Even if he is as tall in person, he certainly sha’nt be the handsomest man in the room,” Angelica said in a sultry tone moving between Sirius and Delilah so that her arm was pressing against the length of his.

Delilah turned to Sirius with a grin on her face and watched as he cleared his throat gruffly, his eyes flickered to her and back to Angelica before he replied, as smoothly as he could muster, “Uh well certainly Slughorn has his charms but handsomer than Jazz Gibney? If you’re into that sort of thing I suppose,” He laughed somewhat mechanically but Angelica laughed as though told to at gunpoint.

“Oh Sirius! You do slay me,” She slid her arm through his and Delilah threw him a covert little wink before falling back to admire his backside as he walked.

- - -

The note burned in his pocket as though the pure evil of it was going to sear through the cloth and etch itself into his skin. Slughorn’s office, although enlarged, seemed smaller than usual, he felt torn between passing out and fleeing.

Narcissa stood at his side, pretending not to notice the brash celebrities who were busy drinking and shouting on the other side of the room. Everyone else had flocked to them but Lucius hadn’t. Lucius had been hoping that Narcissa would be so distracted he could sneak off and throw up somewhere but his plan hadn’t worked.

He didn’t know what to do. Well he knew what he had to do but he didn’t know if he could do it. That letter had been Delilah’s death sentence, whether it was by his hands or someone else’s. The only remaining question was whether he would die over the head of the situation too? If he killed her, she died and he lived. If he didn’t kill her, she died and so did he. Neither outcome was entirely desirable.

Even if he tried to kill her he wasn’t sure he could do it. Could he truly look at her past the tip of his wand and say the words? Could he mean them? Would he hesitate?

It didn’t bare thinking about. He lowered his head to stare at his shoes and felt the utter weight of the situation rest, crushingly, on his shoulders. He had been so stupid to think he would get away with this. He had been so stupid to think that he could live any life apart from the one that was expected of him.

Hadn’t he thought that somehow it would all work out? Of course he had never actually said this… But somewhere in the back of his mind there had always been the assurance that, indeed, things would work out for the best. He and Delilah would be together somehow. Whether it was by changing her name and fooling the world or simply waiting until his parents died so they could disappear… But now, now there wasn’t time. There simply wasn’t time.

The last drop of sand had fallen and the buzzer was ringing. Time to act. Time to move. Time to freeze.

Sweat beaded on his forehead and slowly slid along his nose, his cheeks, his eyelashes. His hands shook so fiercely that he could barely hide the shuddering. Thankfully the band had distracted Narcissa enough that she didn’t seem to notice his ill health but she still wasn’t leaving… She wasn’t going anywhere. He felt trapped, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think. Even his clothes felt too tight, too constricting. He longed to rip them off, he longed to scream and run. To be free.

The door opened and before he even heard her laugh he could feel her presence. Feel it as though it was washing through him like a calming wave. He knew what he had to do.

“I’m going to the lavatory, do excuse me,” Lucius started forward but Narcissa stopped him with a delicate hand on his chest. Her eyes were on the door and suddenly Lucius knew. Narcissa had known all along what was happening.

The realisation chilled his blood.

She lent close to him, her lips hovering above his, “Don’t do anything stupid, Lucius,” She whispered before pressing her lips to his. The kiss was cold, empty, worthless. He stared at her, feeling utterly horrified by what was happening. She pulled back with a small smile of satisfaction on her face, “Do hurry back,”

Hand over his mouth, eyes creased and unfocused, he stumbled towards the exit. He had never felt so distorted, so out of control. The only feeling he could attribute this too was being so filled with liquor that controlled movement is a distant concept. He needed to talk to her but he knew it was impossible. After all, how could he attract her attention with out anyone else noticing? This had all been so simple before, they’d known everything, they could do anything and now they were dead. Dead but too stupid to lay down.

He burst into the corridor and yet he didn’t feel any less trapped. He doubted their was anywhere he could go that would make him feel less trapped. His cage was not physical, it was not a wall he could climb or a door he could ram, he was trapped inside his own skull and it was frightful.

He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know where to go. Sweat soaked through his robes, his shaking increased, he felt he might collapse. He must have truly gone mad… Then an idea occurred to him. He hurried along the corridor, using the wall for support and could have sworn, in his delusions, that he heard her calling after him.

He reached the gargoyle that led to the Slytherin common room and gasped the password. It slid out of his way and he hurried inside. The gargoyle slid back into place just as Delilah reached it, she slammed her hands against the creature in frustration.


“Trouble in paradise?”

Delilah spun around and felt the wind knocked out of her, “Alaric! Alaric Duncluse!” She gasped and the bassist grinned at her.

“Yeah that’s me,” He nodded, “And you are?”

“Delilah Tyler,”

“You smoke?” He asked holding out a packet of muggle cigarettes and Delilah gratefully took one. “I’m always surprised when someone remembers my name actually,”

“Oh yeah right!” Delilah gasped leaning forward so he could light her smoke. She inhaled and immediately started choking, something she hadn’t done in years. She blushed furiously as her second favourite band member smacked her back.

“I’m serious!”



“She means me,” Sirius was suddenly there with a huge smile on his face but a tightness in his eyes, “You coming back to the party Delilah?” He asked in such a possessive voice that Delilah’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah sure,” She threw Alaric a confused look and a shrug, “Thanks for the smoke,” She said somewhat apologetically as Sirius took her hand and began to lead her back down the corridor.

“Yeah anytime, it was nice meeting you Delilah,” Alaric bit his lower lip as he smiled at her and she found it hard to turn away from him but Sirius’ quick pace insisted.

- - - -

“And I love your legs,” James kissed her shins tenderly, “And I love your thighs,” He moved up to kiss her thighs causing Lily to laugh and squirm, “And I love you belly, and your neck, and your nose, and your smile,”

Lily wriggled joyously as he kissed her softly and moved back to simply smile at her, “Congratulations on missing out the dirty parts,” She told his with a naughty glint in her eyes, “You really are learning.”

“Anything for you m’lady,” He kissed her once more then moved to lay down, she curled her body around his, running her fingers along the soft hairs of his arms.

“I love you too James,” She said tenderly, her lips pressed against his shoulder and James felt a rush of happiness so true that he couldn’t help but grin stupidly.

“I love that you love me,”

She laughed, “Well I love that you love that I love you,”

“Well then I love that you love that I love that you love me,”

“Well then I love that you love that I love that you love that I love you,”

“Well then I love that you love that I love that you love that I love you that you love- aw damn I lost it!”

“Thank Merlin, that could have gone on all night,”

“And we certainly have better things to do all night…,”

“Indeed!” She cried rolling on top of him causing him to burst into laughter.

- - - -

“ANDROMEDA! ANDROMEDA!” Lucius yelled up the girls staircase feeling quite unhinged, “ANDROMEDA! ANDROMEDA!”

“What?” She was suddenly there, racing down the stairs and tying a robe tight around her waist, “What on earth! Lucius- Oh Merlin, what’s happened to you? Sit down!”

“No!” He advanced on her so suddenly she almost started back up the stairs, “You said you wouldn’t tell! You told me you wouldn’t! Why did you lie?”

“I didn’t! I didn’t tell a soul,” She glanced around the common room, there were some second years by the fire staring at them and she lowered her voice considerably, “Lucius I don’t think this is the time nor the place-,”

“Oh it doesn’t matter now! Everyone can know!” He cried dramatically, “They know already thanks to you,” He pulled the note from his pocket and thrust it at her, “Well done Black, you can keep that, it’s your doing after all.”

Andromeda read the note quickly and with each word became paler and paler, “Oh Lucius,” She whispered clutching it fiercely, “I swear to you that this is not my doing, I would have taken your secret to the grave,”

“Well now I take it to mine,” He closed his eyes and moved backwards until he found a chair. He lowered into it uneasily, “You swear you have nothing to do with this?”

“Nothing.” She whispered, so pale she might have been a ghost. She moved to sit next to them and they both simply stared at the letter. “What are you going to do?” She asked softly.

“The only thing I can do,”

“And what’s that?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged then let out a mirthless laugh, “Maybe I should simply jump from the North Tower? At least then I’m back in control.”

“Don’t talk like that, this can be controlled. There are always options.”

“Not against the Dark Lord! He is the only option here Andromeda! No wizard can defy him!”

“Many are,”

“Would you?”

They stared at each other silently and finally Andromeda sighed, in a voice barely above a murmur, her eyes fixed on the eavesdropping second years she breathed, “In ways I already am,”


Andromeda rested her hand on her stomach and raised her eyebrows at him. Confused Lucius shrugged then his mouth formed a small ‘o’ of surprise.


“I’ll be gone by Christmas,”

“Well we have that in common,”

- - - -