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Giving Professor Snape A Dose Of His Own Potion by rosai_gryffindor

Format: Short story
Chapters: 6
Word Count: 19,365
Status: WIP

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Contains Slash (Same-Sex Pairing), Substance Use or Abuse

Genres: General, Humor, Romance
Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Snape, Seamus, Neville, Draco, Dean, Ginny
Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Draco/Hermione, Snape/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 11/03/2007
Last Chapter: 08/20/2011
Last Updated: 08/20/2011


"‘Shnape ish on ze road to lurrrve… Garrrrrraw!'"
Somebody has slipped Professor Snape a Love Potion, but for whom? And it isn't necessarily a girl...
The Gryffindors are fed up with Snape treating them badly all the time, so they decide to teach him a lesson. But what happens when their crazy plan spirals out of control?

Chapter 1: Something Has To Be Done!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 1 - Something Has To Be Done

A mumble of voices echoed around the dreary dungeon as the fifth years huddled around their lit cauldrons for warmth and cheer. Conversations cascaded off the damp walls in an eerie, muffled manner but the brightly glowing flames lifted the atmosphere for everyone. To the Gryffindors it was the only light in the gloom of an upcoming lesson with Professor Snape, and to the Slytherins it offered the flickering prospect of their favourite lesson.

‘He’s late…’ muttered Dean to Seamus.

‘Thankfully,’ his friend replied, in his comic Irish accent. ‘Maybe something’s happened to him?’ 

They continued to converse about things that may have happened to Snape, including his being burned alive by shampoo, which they imagined he must be allergic to.

On the table across from them, Hermione was engrossed in her textbook, a frown on her face at the lateness of their professor and the delay of good learning time. Beside her Neville sat quaking on his stool, twitching at the slightest of sounds. The coming of the potions master was his worst nightmare, and so all his senses were on edge.

‘Bloody cheek,’ Ron said to Harry from the table just in front of them, his red hair flopping dangerously near the cauldron’s flame as he attempted to keep warm. ‘If we were this late it would be at least twenty points off of Gryffindor and a detention.’

The smell of singeing hair reached Harry’s nostrils. ‘I know… Ron mate, your hair’s on fire, and I don’t mean your colour!’ 

Ron yelped and moved away from the cauldron, beating his fringe with his hands. Harry rolled his eyes and took out his wand, casting a simple spell on his friend.

Ron’s hair immediately stopped burning and grew back to its normal shade of red. ‘Thanks Harry!’ he breathed, eyeing the flames warily.

Harry was about to reply, but the door at the side of the dungeon suddenly burst open to reveal Professor Snape. All chattering immediately ceased as if the trickling of voices had been water from a tap, Dean’s mumbling of, ‘Eyeballs sliced…’ the last droplets as it was turned off. A tense silence followed, broken only by the thump of footsteps on the stone-flagged floor as Snape swished his way towards the front of the dungeon, tall and daunting like an oversized bat.

He reached the teacher’s platform under satisfied smirks and awe-struck stares from the Slytherins, whilst the Gryffindor expressions showed a mixture of fear, annoyance and distain. He did not apologise for being late, instead glancing once around the room to return the Slytherins smirks and finish with a sneer at the Gryffindors. Then he folded his arms defensively in front of him and fixed his gaze down the middle of the rows of cauldron benches. His sallow face was a picture of blank boredom as he spoke; large nose hooked and as daunting as ever, and black eyes glittering below thick, dark eyebrows.

‘Today I will be teaching you how to brew the Love Potion Amortentia, so that you will be able to…’

He was interrupted by an outbreak of giggles from Parvati and Lavender, and a few snorts from Ron and Dean. Even the goody-goody Slytherin girls Pansy and Daphne had their hands covering their mouths, and Draco Malfoy was staring at his favourite teacher in disbelief.

Professor Snape’s mouth formed a thin line. ‘Silence!’ he growled. ‘Ten points from Gryffindor for unnecessary giggling. Miss Patil and Miss Brown you will control yourself or it will be twenty.’ 

Lavender and Parvati scowled at this unfairness, but continued to exchange amused and excited glances once the potions master had taken his eye off of them.

The class soon sobered up under the iron gaze of their professor, and once he was sure he had their full attention, he continued speaking. ‘As I was saying, we will be brewing the Amortentia potion, so that you can then fully understand the counter potion and cure for it. As you know, Love Potions are a banned substance at Hogwarts however, to my regret, it is in the O.W.L. curriculum that you learn this, and the Headmaster insists that I teach it to you.’ He sneered with disapproval at the thought of Dumbledore’s teaching ideas, and it was obvious that teaching the 5th years to brew a Love Potion was not a way he would favourably opt to spend his time. 

‘Who can tell me the properties of Amortentia?’ he asked in a bored voice.

As expected, nobody seemed to know the answer except for Hermione, who immediately raised her hand as far as it would go.

He determinedly ignored her stare and fixed his cold gaze upon Neville instead, his mouth curving up slightly in an amused smirk.

‘Longbottom, you answer me. What are the properties of Amortentia?’ 

Every other Gryffindor looked outraged at Snape’s bullying of Neville, and Hermione stretched her arm, if possible, even higher. Her eyes narrowed, but she was ever eager to be asked the answer.

Neville trembled under the professor’s hard gaze, his blue eyes wide, and face pale. He didn’t dare not to answer though, and looked down at his feet, mumbling a guess. ‘T- to make someone fall in l- love with somebody else?’

The Slytherins' cruel laughter rang around the dungeons.

To make someone fall in love with somebody else,’ mimicked Professor Snape. ‘I think that would be obvious to even a four year old, Longbottom. No, that is incorrect. Five points from Gryffindor.’

Neville’s bottom lip quivered but he kept staring determinedly at his feet as Hermione squeezed his hand reassuringly, glaring daggers at the professor.

‘Anybody else like to tell me the correct answer?’ came the low, sneering voice.

Hermione’s hand jumped into the air again automatically, the answer bursting beneath her lips.

‘No one?’ said Snape, again pretending not to see Hermione.

At the Slytherin side of the dungeon, Malfoy was flipping quickly through the Potions textbook. His eyes gleamed as he found a page mentioning Amortentia potion, and he quickly scanned it then raised his hand casually, his finger flopping forwards in a bored sort of way.

Snape almost smiled. ‘Mr Malfoy?’ he asked in a calm voice.

‘Sir, the Amortentia potion, when a certain person’s hair is added to it, will engulf the brain of the one who drinks it with the chemical for lust and attraction, so that they believe themselves to be in love with that person.’ 

‘Correct! Ten points to Slytherin. But that is only one property… what is the other?’

Hermione stood up, fed up of being deliberately ignored. ‘The Amortentia potion, Sir, is a very powerful Love Potion not in strength, but in duration. Its effects last twenty-four hours before diminishing, and in that time, the Herbituous Leaf and Liquidised Dragon's Claw mix with the chemicals in the brain to engulf the person in lust and attraction for the person who’s hair is added to the potion. It is essential to know the counter potion, for if drank in excess, the potion will damage that area of the brain forever.’ She rattled this off very quickly in one breath, then sat back down again, cheeks slightly flushed.

Professor Snape seethed with anger, and his expression grew harder. ‘Miss Granger, I did not ask you to speak. Twenty points from Gryffindor for speaking out of turn, and a further ten points off for reading that answer straight out of the text book.’

He turned to the board and tapped it with his wand. Chalked white letters appeared on the dark green background, listing the ingredients and their properties and the correct method for brewing.

Hermione lowered her eyes to the table where her shut Potions book sat, and burned with indignation at his accusation and unfair behaviour towards her. Dean and Seamus sent her sympathetic looks, which she returned with a small smile, and Ron and Harry stared darkly at the professor’s back; Harry silently restrain Ron from cursing Snape in his anger at how Hermione had been treated.

Professor Snape turned to face them once more. ‘You have until the end of this lesson to brew your potions, making note of each ingredient and the components and reactions, so that when we come to learn the counter potion, you will have an easier time understanding. The method is on the board, follow it extremely carefully. Your finished potion should look like this.’

He took the lid off of his own cauldron and a pink haze wafted into the air, shimmering above the potion within. Taking a flask, he scooped up a sample to show the class. It was colourless in a swirly way, and slightly thinner than water. ‘The potion should smell fruity, enticing the drinker to want to take a sip, or if added to another drink, tasteless and with no distinctive smell. It is its undetection that makes it such a dangerous potion. You may start work now, I will monitor your process to make sure you aren’t all so unintelligent as to get it wrong…’ He looked pointedly at Neville, and slid his gaze to Ron also. Ron felt tempted to stick his tongue out at the slimy professor, but felt he’d better not to, mainly because he was scared of the reaction it would cause.

For a while the class became busy, as everyone took out the ingredients and applications needed from their potions kit and began setting up. Then they got to work with only a quiet bubble of voices, determined to get everything right.

Dean began adding his ingredients to the boiling water. Snape lurked behind him like an unwanted and distracting zit on a chin, and startled the hardworking boy by coughing suddenly. Dean dropped the spoon he was using to scoop up the crushed Moonbeam leaves into his cauldron, splashing hot water over his arm.

‘Bugger!’ he swore, rubbing at his arm where a small burn appeared, stinging. ‘Owch!’

‘Careful Thomas,’ sneered Snape. ‘Five points from Gryffindor for clumsiness and ten for swearing in front of a teacher… Don’t be a baby, its only a tiny scald,’ he added, as Dean cried out softly. Beside him, Seamus conjured an ice cube for his friend to place on the pinky white mark, and Dean took it, smiling gratefully.

Seamus then turned to Snape angrily. ‘Taking points off of him ‘cause he burned himself? How stupid is that!’

‘Seam…’ warned Dean, but it was too late.

‘Mr Finnegan, ten points off for answering back,’ snarled Snape coolly, smirking again as he moved on to breathe down Neville’s neck instead.

Seamus’ eyes flashed with indignance. ‘Why that little…’

‘Leave it,’ muttered Dean, ‘insult him later. Right now we have already lost sixty points, and its bordering on a hundred if we’re not careful…’

Seamus nodded, seething quietly and throwing his ingredients into the cauldron with angered force. There was a bang, a puff of smoke, and the boiling hot potion splattered onto his arm, causing it to go completely numb and his arm hair to grow at an alarming rate.

‘Finnegan! What now?’ boomed Snape, heading over to him once more. ‘You added the Dragons Claw before the Herbitious Leaves, didn’t you?’

Seamus didn’t care what he had done. He tried moving his arm and failed, the long, blonde hair now trailing right down to the floor.

‘Clear up the mess!’ demanded Snape, eyeing the hairy arm with amusement.

‘But Sir, I can’t move my arm, and the hair is going everywhere!’ 

‘Really? I see no difference… everyone has arm hair, some more than others!’

Seamus gave Dean a look of despair, and his friend glared at Snape. ‘I think I should take him to the hospital wing, Sir.’ Without waiting for an answer, he led his friend out of the dungeon, blonde curtain of hair dragging on the floor behind them.

Meanwhile, Neville had been crumbling under the stare of Professor Snape. He kept making clumsy mistakes to the delight of the potions master, who sneered and goaded him the worse he got. The Gryffindor was now in tears, staring at his congealed glob of a potion with despair, and being comforted by Hermione, whose potion was in perfect condition for the stage she was at. Neither of them noticed Seamus’ accident in their own angry state.

Ron grumbled and complained, trying to make his potion look better by turning it blue and adding powdered beetles eggs (which weren’t on the list). Harry was also distracted, staring at the door through which Seamus and Dean had just left. His cauldron smelled burnt, and a dark brown liquid lurked on the bottom. He heard Snape praising Malfoy and stood up, heading to the store cupboard to get some spare dragon claw. It provided the perfect excuse to peek into the Slytherin’s cauldron, and what he saw was no better than his own disaster. Malfoy’s potion was completely solid and clear coloured with bits of green blobs in it that looked like bogey. Harry’s annoyance at Snape’s biased character rose if possible, higher than ever. He couldn’t wait for the lesson to end, hoping he would get off lightly without the usual comments about him being the chosen one, or stupid, or as arrogant as his father.

He returned to his cauldron, heart sinking at the sight of Snape standing beside his seat, looking down his hooked nose at the burned gloop at the bottom.

‘Potter,’ spat Snape. ‘What do you call this?’

‘Amortentia potion, Sir,’ replied Harry, as casually as possible.

‘You do, do you? Well do you know what I call it?’

‘No sir…’

‘I call it the incompetent messing of an unintelligent student bent on being as worthless as his father, and hoping to get by on fame only.’

Harry’s heart boiled at the insult of his father, but he kept his face blank. ‘My father wasn’t worthless,’ he said quietly, staring Snape in the eye, ‘and nor am I.’

Snape stared back at him for what seemed like an age, then, ‘Detention, Potter, Saturday night, my office, and five points off of Gryffindor for your cheek.'

The bell rang finally, signalling the end of the lesson, much to everyone’s relief. Only Hermione’s potion looked remotely like it was supposed to be, and she went to get a flask to collect a sample to hand in. When she came back the potion was gone, her cauldron empty. And from behind his cauldron, the sneering face of Professor Snape watched her scornfully, daring her to say anything. 

Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her bothered, Hermione held her head high and determinedly choked back the hot tears swimming beneath her eyes as she packed up along with the rest of the class. She hurried out ahead of Ron and Harry, getting away as quickly as possible. As it was the last lesson of the day, they had an hour before dinner. She bumped into Dean and Seamus as they were heading back from the hospital wing to Gryffindor tower. Seamus’ arm was now in a bandage, successfully de-haired, and she briefly explained what had happened after they left. Her brown eyes shone with determination and the lust for revenge as she told them, ‘Meeting in the common room now, of all fifth year Gryffindors.’

Dean and Seamus nodded, murmuring agreement, their eyes reflecting Hermione’s feelings exactly as they replied, ‘Right. We’ll be there…’


The fifth year Gryffindors grouped together in a corner of the common room, immediately launching into a spout of complaints and insults at Snape’s intolerable behaviour. They were attracting quite a few stares from the other years, and Ginny was eyeing them with interest.

‘Let’s take this up to us boys’ dormitory,’ suggested Ron sensibly, analysing his sister’s look and knowing she would soon be coming over to ask what was going on. 

‘Good idea,’ agreed Hermione. ‘Come on everyone!’

Once in the privacy of the dormitory, they made themselves comfortable on the beds and resumed their discussion. The seriousness of the situation distracted even Lavender and Parvati from giggling about being in the boys’ dorms, on Seamus’ bed.

‘…It’s just gone beyond the line of general biasness, it’s now evil, nasty bullying,’ stated Hermione with feeling.

‘You’re right,’ sniffed Neville, his eyes still puffy from the tears that he had been reduced to in the lesson.

‘Something has to be done,’ added Dean.

‘Should we go to Dumbledore?’ asked Parvati.

‘No!’ exclaimed Harry, ‘he can’t do anything about it, Snape would be worse if we complained…’

‘Then what do you think we should do mate?’ asked Ron, his hair ruffled with anxiety.

Harry’s face gleamed. ‘I think it’s time we played a prank… Not once since we’ve been in school have we played a trick worthy of the Marauders!’

Lavender looked puzzled along with the others, except for Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville, who were grinning at Harry in agreement. 

‘Who are the Marauders?’ she asked.

‘They were what my Dad and his friends called themselves whilst at school, and they were the biggest group of pranksters and jokers Hogwarts has ever seen!’

Dean and Seamus’ eyes lit up mischievously. ‘What did you have in mind Harry?’

He grinned back. ‘I think it’s time we taught Snape a lesson, gave him a dose of his own potion so to speak.’

All eyes focused eagerly on him as he leaned closer to them and spoke quietly. ‘This is what I propose we do…’