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We Couldn't Bring the Columns Down by ladyspirit

Format: Novel
Chapters: 21
Word Count: 59,752
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers

Genres: General, Humor, Romance
Characters: Lupin, Snape, Sirius, Lily, James, Lucius, Narcissa, OC
Pairings: Other Pairing, James/Lily, Lucius/Narcissa, Sirius/OC

First Published: 05/21/2007
Last Chapter: 06/23/2011
Last Updated: 06/23/2011

Summary:

“STOP THE MADNESS!” James was screaming, his face glowing with mirth. Apparently his groin was recovering. Sirius rolled onto his back,  he had his wand out and it was pointed at Lily.
Read it now or Regret it Later. You have been warned.OVER 29,500 READS! 
Oh yes and fyi this'll be the best thing you ever read.


Chapter 11: Preparations and Palpitations

James was not having a good day. He’d thought that being Head Boy would mean privileges, for example: the ability to roam the corridors after hours, the use of special quarters and a lot of time spent with Lily, the Head Girl. What he hadn’t expected was responsibility and a Head Girl who was quickly reverting back to a girl who couldn’t stand the sight him.

It was the day of the Halloween Ball and both James and Lily were leading their team of prefects in the decoration of the hall. James, however, was having a hard time concentrating on organising centre pieces as all he could think about was Lily. She was polishing Crystal bracket covers with Jessica Tyler on the other side of the hall and showing him absolutely no interest whatsoever; she was talking so darkly to her new friend that James feared they might be plotting to kill him.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” James asked the nearest prefect. Lucius’ face was blank and sneering; he didn’t reply. The blonde boy was hovering candles out of a huge box to float dramatically over the hundreds of small, intimate tables. “I wonder if she’ll still go to the ball with me…” Although it might seem like he was James wasn’t really talking to Lucius, in fact it could be debated if he even realised Lucius was there. James’ mind was somewhere else. Namely on Lily.

Lucius glanced over at the two girls as they scrubbed at the Crystal, “Well if she’s stupid enough to manually polish those things then she might be stupid enough to date you.” He said it in his most sneering of tones before promptly walking off in the direction of the murmuring girls.

If James had been in the right state of mind he might have felt the urge to deck the Slytherin right in the nose but, as it was, all he now felt was hope that Lily WAS stupid enough to go to the ball with him.

“Definitely curls,” Delilah told Lily. She had escaped the Hospital Wing that morning as Lily caused a distraction and Jessica crawled into the hospital bed to replace her. Lily had- in a moment of inspiration- told the Matron that it burned when she peed and caused a big enough commotion that Delilah had slid, easily, out of the ward.. The girls had decided to keep the switch to themselves fearing that the marauders might not be adequately discrete if they knew. Lily also sensed that Delilah didn’t want to go to the ball lumbered with a boyfriend who might interrupt her seduction of Jazz Gibney. “I’m thinking of straightening mine so you should go curly. We’ll compliment each other.”

“No! Keep your hair wavy. You really suit it wavy,” Lily said it in her regular voice but her face was stoic and harsh. Delilah was talking with the same moody expression. They were playing a new ‘Annoy James’ game. They spoke about normal things but with extreme expressions on their faces to make him think that whatever was happening was important. He’d been twitching nervously for the past hour.

“I don’t know… Jessica always straightens hers, what if someone realises it’s me?” Delilah murmured darkly with a swift glance in James’ direction.

“Well earlier you had an entire conversation with Sirius and he didn’t have a clue. If your boyfriend doesn‘t recognise you then I doubt anyone else will.” Lily lowered her voice to a whisper as Lucius Malfoy was laying out table cloths only a few tables away.

“Yeah but Sirius isn’t exactly the fastest pixie in the tree…”

“De-Jessica! He’s your boyfriend!”

“James is your boyfriend!”

“Yeah well.” Lily’s expression darkened and she cast James a long, cold glare. His left eye twitched and he ruffled his hair meekly before busying himself with his centre pieces again. “Maybe not for much longer…”

“Oh please. You’re not going to break up with him because Sirius was an asshole to you Lily.” Delilah rolled her eyes, “Sirius is always an asshole. It’s part of his charm. Poor James was just caught up in the drama and, after all, I was incapacitated. It must have been a traumatic time for all of you.” Her blue eyes twinkled good naturedly and Lily frowned.

“It was De-Jessica. Don’t nearly die ever again or I’ll kill you.” They both laughed although Lily’s eyes remained serious. A few moments passed in comfortable silences as they polished more crystal and then Lily asked, in a very careful voice, “So, what’s happening with you and Sirius?”

Delilah shrugged, avoiding Lily’s eyes, “Oh you know… we’re just going with the flow.”

“Do you fancy him?”

“No!” Delilah gasped automatically before remembering that she was already dating him so there was no reason for denial, “Yes.”

Lily looked thoughtful, with a careful glance around the hall to make sure they couldn’t be overheard (even by the nearby Lucius Malfoy) she whispered, “It’s just…” Then she tailed of and shook her head resembling a horse bothered by flies.

“It’s just what?” Delilah asked curiously but Lily continued shaking her head.

“It’s not important.”

“No tell me,”

With another check for an unwanted audience Lily continued although she looked quite unsure of whether she should be saying anything at all, “It’s just that when I used to tease you for fancying him- before you started dating- it was because it genuinely seemed like you were into him. You were always smiling to yourself or day dreaming and you never told me what it was about… I assumed it was Sirius… But now… You don’t do any of that. In fact you smile less. It’s like you should be acting differently now that you’re dating him but not differently in the way that you are- do you get me?” Lily was looking flustered as if Delilah might get mad but instead her friend just looked perturbed.

“I used to smile to myself?”

“Yeah.” Lily polished her shade furiously. She glanced up to see Delilah staring cautiously in the direction of the Slytherin prefect who was loitering nearby in the pretence of straightening a table cloth. Lily frowned at him; how rude.

Unbeknownst to Lily, Delilah’s mind was racing. Now was the perfect opportunity to tell her friend everything. Should she tell her? Should she let slip? She wanted to but at the same time there was something holding her back; something that felt very much like shame. Lucius had claimed that she was just as ashamed of their relationship as he was but she hadn’t believed him; not until that moment. She watched him as he tugged aimlessly at the black tablecloth, obviously bored senseless by the decorating task. She watched how his pale hands shone like alabaster against the ebony cloth, how his hair was so bright it seemed he almost had a natural halo, his downcast eyes were carefully disinterested but she knew he was standing nearby because he missed her. The way she missed him. She imagined how Lily would react to the news that Delilah used to daydream and smile about Lucius Malfoy; she imagined how Lily would comprehend that there had once been a time when Delilah permanently wore a silver chain with a ruby encrusted, snake, pendant hidden beneath her school shirt. That necklace was now hidden under her mattress and had been for weeks. She wondered what it would be like to tell Lily that she hadn’t bought a new dress for the ball when they were in Hogsmeade… She was going to wear a gift from the previous Christmas.

The silence between the two girls stretched uncomfortably. Eventually Delilah took a deep breath, this was it. She was going to tell Lily, “Lily the truth is I wasn’t daydreaming about Sirius, actually… this is pretty funny… you’re going to laugh-,”

But she was cut off, “Oh my God!” Lily gasped staring over her friends shoulder, “Oh my God Delilah, don’t turn around! You’ll simply die if you turn around.” Delilah turned around.

“Jazz Gibney!” She shrieked..




“It was horrible!” James exclaimed his chin in the air as Remus adjusted his bowtie, “As if things weren’t bad enough then a bunch of over rated pop stars came in!”

Remus clucked his tongue sympathetically as he finished the tie and gave his friend an encouraging pat on the shoulder, “Well it could be worse,” He suggested and James shook his head.

“No it got worse! It got awful!”

“What happened?” Pete asked, his mouth already agape from the drama.

“You’ll not believe it,” Sirius grinned. He was by the dormitory’s other mirror gelling his hair into an achingly fashionable style.

“What?” Pete gasped excitedly and James threw himself onto his bed in distress.

“So Slughorn the big, fat-,” He cursed explicitly, “Shouts over for me and Lily to meet the band- I mean why! Why! That-,” More explicit swear words caused Remus to flinch and Sirius to grin, “And that Jack Gibney is a complete-,” Sirius actually whooped in support of these words, “He kisses Lily’s hand!” He got off his bed and began to pace the dormitory, “And of course I say ‘stop kissing my girlfriends hand’ and Lily tells me to shut up! How! Why! I don’t-! Argh!”

“It could be-,” Remus began but James held a threateningly finger up to hush his friend.

“I am not finished. So she tells me to shut up and I say ‘don’t tell me to shut up! That sleaze is kissing your hand!’ and Jack-,”

“Jazz,” Corrected Pete.

James glared, “-Jack,” He continued, “Says ‘Lily is this your boyfriend?’ and do you know what she says? DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAYS?”

“WHAT DOES SHE SAY?” Sirius shouted back as if he was an enthusiastic pantomime audience.

“’It’s debatable’. That’s what she said,” He flung himself onto his bed again, got up and continued pacing. He was beyond agitated, he was quickly advancing into a stage that might resemble an epileptic fit. “That’s debatable? What’s debatable about it? I ask her out-,”

“A billion times,” Quipped Sirius.

“- She says yes. We’re a couple. It’s NOT debatable.” James was going rather red in the face, “Then he,” He was spat out like a curse word, “gives this whole bullshit spiel about Lily reminding him of a song he wrote and how he’s going to dedicate it to her tonight and maybe they could hang out after the show. And do you know what she says?”

“WHAT DOES SHE SAY?”

“Sure! That’s what she said. Sure.” He ripped of his bow tie causing Remus to flinch, “I’m not going to the ball.” He flung himself onto his bed for the final time, “There’s no point. I’m going to be humiliated. Everyone knows about Lily and I and now she’s going to run off with the band.”

“James.” Sirius abandoned his pot of gel, “We’ve had this conversation before. You take things too seriously! So Lily’s ditching you for a bloke with a guitar, so what?”

“And the voice of a God.” Supplied Pete causing the other boys to make faces of disgust at him.

“Anyway, ignoring the homo,” Continued Sirius, “You need to see this as an opportunity. Now you’re not tied down into doing what Lily wants to do at the ball. You’re a free agent. She made the rules with the pop star. Tonight my friend-,” He had went to the wardrobe and was rustling around, removing the loose panel from the back, he emerged holding a large bottle of vodka, “- neither of our girlfriends is going to be paying us any attention. Mine is locked up for the evening and yours is drooling over some tight trouser wearing idiot.” He shook the bottle, “We’re going to have the best Halloween Ball ever, aren’t we Remus?”

“Sure.”

“No!” James snapped at him, “That is officially a banned word.” He turned to Sirius, “Pour me a large one.”

“Tonight’s going to be amazing.” Sirius grinned filling four tumblers with intimidating measures of vodka.




Jessica was sitting cross legged on her hospital bed prison feeling thoroughly depressed. The only upside was that her friend Ted had fallen down some stairs and was now laying in the bed opposite her. The downside of this was that he didn’t know she was her… if that made sense. Ted was being very nice to her even though she was Delilah whom he didn’t know.

The sandy haired boy tucked his hands behind his head, his broken leg was elevated while Madam Pomfrey concocted the relevant potions to fix it. He, unlike Jessica, would be making it to the ball.

“This place is tragically dull,” Ted sighed, “Thank goodness I have the pain in my leg to distract me or I might go crazy.”

“I don’t even have a entertaining broken bone to keep me going.” Jessica complained, “It’s just me and the ceiling cracks.”

“Well I’m sure you get some interesting visits,” He was smiling strangely at her. Jessica was confused.

“Well Sirius and Lily…” She shrugged, “They visit me but I don’t see how that’s interesting.”

Ted laughed, “Andromeda told me about you and,” He raised his eyebrows instead of saying a name, “It’s OK. You and me are kind of in the same boat.”

“And what boat is that?” Jessica was dumbfounded. Her and who? What?

“We’re the dirty secrets.” He flinched at a shooting pain in his knee, “Damn that’s sore! So how long-,” But he was cut short by Madam Pomfrey entering the ward again armed with enough potions to rebuild an entire skeleton. Jessica was left gaping at him up until the moment he left the ward, bouncing on his newly mended leg. Dirty secret? Delilah was a dirty secret? What? Maybe the fall had meddled with his mind. Feeling confused, bored and frustrated Jessica collapsed against her pillows and amused herself by trying to set the matron on fire with her eyes. Ah, life.




“I can’t go,” Delilah and Lily were getting dressed in the prefects bathroom on the second floor. Lily had covertly snuck Delilah’s dress, shoes and makeup out of their dormitory whilst Angelica’s watchful eyes were covered in cucumber slices. They were both shimming into their dresses and sliding on their shoes when she made the announcement.

“Why?” Lily asked turning around so that Delilah could zip her up, “Are your legs about to fall off or something?”

“No.” Delilah grumbled pulling the sip up with rather unnecessary force. Lily yelped as her back was caught in the zipper. “Oh sorry.” Delilah grumbled unenthusiastically.

“What’s up with you?” Lily gasped reaching awkwardly over her shoulder to rub her pinched back.

“Nothing.” Delilah grumbled, “But how come I faint in front of Jazz Gibney and you flirt? You know I love him Lily… I can’t believe you did that to me.”

“Delilah!” Lily giggled, “You’re not serious!”

“I love him. Dearly.” But her lips were twitching, “I planned to seduce him and then you go and be all gorgeous and-,”

“Oh do shut up!” Lily rolled her eyes and went to the large mirror on the far wall. She lent forwards and applied her mascara with her mouth hanging open.

“Well you have to have sex with him. You know that right?”

Lily snorted causing mascara to streak through the strands of hair that were falling about her face, “Aw no!” She gasped picking at them with her finger nails “I hate when this happens!”

“Here,” Delilah went to the tap and moistened her fingers, she then tended to her friends black strands, “But I’m serious Lily, Jazz Gibney has sex every hour on the hour… you have to be hour eleven. You have to be. Or I’ll never forgive you.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“James Potter? Oh Please! He hardly even counts in a situation like this.”

“Delilah I like James a lot,” Lily’s expression was little more than grim, “Sometimes I wish I didn’t but I do… I think I always have… on a level… deep down… or something.”

“By deep down do you mean China deep? Because really, with Jazz here we should just start filling that hole with dirt again.” Delilah grinned wickedly, “Remember the way James used to always make fun on Sevvy?”

Lily frowned at her, “Stop trying to turn me against my boyfriend just so I’ll whore myself out to a rockstar.”

“But he was so mean. Like that time he showed everyone Sev’s underwear…”

“Delilah!” Lily said warning and Delilah rolled her eyes.

“But you have to! Then you can tell me everything blow by blow- pun intended- and it’ll be like I had sex with him on a level, deep down, or something.”

“Blow by blow,” Lily was giggling, “You are disgusting!”

“Shagging Jazz Gibney is on the same level as taking a bullet for the Queen Lil’s. It’s your duty as a woman.”

“Why don’t you just sleep with him!”

“Because Lily. I’m the girl who fainted.” Delilah shook her head, distraught by the horror of it all, “You said ‘don’t look behind you’, I looked, I screamed, I fainted. I’m that crazy girl who fainted when Jazz Gibney walked in. You’re the cool, collected, smart girl. The rockstars sleep with that girl. Not the fanatical fan.”

“You’re exaggerating. He didn’t even notice!”

“Everyone noticed. I smashed like four lamp covers and damn near took you down with me.”

“Well that’s neither here nor there. I’m not going to sleep with Jazz Gibney. It’s not like I’d have the opportunity anyway.” Lily, now completely ready, sat on the edge of the bathtub and watched Delilah as she applied liberal amounts of gold eye shimmer to her eye lids.

“Of course you’ll have the opportunity!” Delilah sounded unnervingly excited, “He said he’s going to dedicate a song to you! He said ‘we should hang out after the show’… Jazz Gibney wants to shag you,” She sang gleefully, “He wants to put his,” She blinked dramatically, “In your,” Blink.

“Oh my God!” Lily howled, “That’s horrible!”

“No Lil’s it’s not horrible. It’s your duty as a woman, remember?” Delilah stepped back from the mirror and smiled, “Damn, we’re both too hot for this school. So this is the plan: you sleep with Jazz, fake a pregnancy, get married to him and we tour the world.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Drink up tonight Lil’s, after you’re preggers it’ll be all apple juice and protein shakes for you.”

“Drink up what Delilah?” Lily smiled, “We’re at school, not the pub,”

“Ah that’s where you’re wrong,” Delilah went to her bag and produced a large bottle of amber liquid, “The last of the whisky from Sirius’ romantic date. I knew it would come in handy some time.”




A/N Heeeeeeeeey sexy mommas! OK! So I am SO sorry about the wait! This story is important to me and that means I am never satisfied with it! It's SO FRUSTRATING! so I've been blowing off some steam with a Lily Potter fic but now I'm back! Woo! I can't wait for the next chapter. It's definately one of my favourites. This one's a bit of a filler because I've been feeling so guilty! Please review! I love reading your reviews! They inspires me to keep going!

Excuses for chapter delays:

+ univeristy just started. i have an accounting module. i haven't used a calculator in about three years so i've had to do a lot of work to get on top of that.
+ i'm at the gym constantly trying to work off all that summer weight (ahhh hot dogs and cocktails...)
+ work work work. selling clothes ain't easy haha!

But enough of that! This is the last time an update will take so long! I hope!


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