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Dirty Dishes by Box_Of_Souls

Format: One-shot
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,410

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature

Genres: Humor
Characters: Hermione, Draco
Pairings: Draco/Hermione

First Published: 04/21/2007
Last Chapter: 08/15/2007
Last Updated: 08/15/2007

Malfoy you were using its nose to open a door! Last I checked elves didn’t come with their own set of fire crabs!' Funny things can happen in the heat of the kitchens...

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Chapter 1: Dirty Dishes

AN: No real inspiration just a bit of sillyness.

Dirty Dishes

It’s all Malfoy’s fault!

Well, it was.

'Oh, quite whining Granger, get to work!'


Him. It was his fault and he knew it.

It was most definitely NOT her fault and she really shouldn't have been here right now, in the school kitchens helping the elves.

But its not actually HELPING.

I however was helping them.

'Me? If you had just let me continue teasing-'


'That elf, neither of us would be here.'

'Malfoy you were using its nose to open a door! Last I checked elves didn’t come with their own set of fire crabs!'

And that was how she had found him. Malfoy was bullying the poor defenceless creature (which should be paid for this kind of work!) Hermione was just freeing it from the oppressive grips of society, Malfoy and that ridiculous apron that had fire crabs stuffed down its front

'I wanted him to make crab soup.'

Hermione glared at him. McGonagall really should have seen that only Malfoy needed to be punished but according to her handing one of the school elves a scarf and forcing ten knuts into its hand was Not the way to deal with the situation.

'What about ferret soup?'

Malfoy scowled. 'Look Mudblood hurry up and start working. Its not my fault you tried to free the servants, I mean you are more filthy than them, its you who should always be in the kitchen.'

Hermione gave him an irritated look. 'I wish you'd choke on your own Pureblood bullshit.'

'Get to work Granger or you'll find my hands in contact with your neck.'

'You seriously don't expect me to do all the work!'

'Of course I do!' he clapped his hands. 'Chop, chop.'

'I'll chop you...' she muttered under her breath.

He rolled his eyes. 'Well, obviously telling you what to do is getting us nowhere.'

Without warning Draco shoved her towards the sink. Hermione turned to him eyes blazing.

'Don't you dare push me around!'

There were a couple of shrieks and a few elves stepped away.

Malfoy smirked. 'Fine I'll help but there is no way I'm getting my hands dirty.'

Hermione growled and threw the tea towel in his face.

'Slimy git,' Hermione suspected he'd never done a days work in his life, let alone clean dishes.

'I dread to imagine you in the muggle world!' She seethed, shaking her head.

Draco gave a terrible shudder. 'So do I. Imagine the filth! As if I would want to live with a bunch of dirty scummy muggles.'

'Oh, shut up, you stupid inbred!' Hermione’s hands were shaking as she began washing plates. 'Just because we muggles don't marry our cousins!'

Malfoy’s usually pale face was turning livid red.

Hermione rolled her eyes and walked over to the sink. Tiny hands gripped her leg and she looked down to find an elf’s huge eyes staring at her. 'Miss, we must go clean the castle now. Jibbly hopes that Miss understands.'

She nodded and the elves scurried away as fast as they could, obviously happy to get away from the fiery pair.

As she sunk her hands into the hot water, she felt him approach her from behind. Rolling her eyes yet again she turned to face him.

'What was that you said just before Granger?'

Now he was invading her personal space, he had her pushed up with her back against the bench. Hermione lost all of her senses for a moment before recovering quickly.

'I was just mentioning that I unlike you have never fancied my cousin.'

Hermione knew she'd hit a nerve and so did he. 'Right, I'll have you know Granger, that my mother is not in-fact my second cousin, otherwise I wouldn't be this handsome.'

Hermione knew she was about to make him angry and discreetly grabbed a knife from the bench.

'No Malfoy all that inbreeding has just made your brain so fucked up that that you don't realise that a common household garden gnome has more sex appeal than you do.'

Malfoy's jaw twitched. Hermione smiled pleasantly and lifted up the knife, pushing him away and turning around to put the knife in the sink.

Malfoy was silent for while as Hermione began to clean and wash the dishes. 'I can't believe you had the nerve to do that.'

'Shut up,' said Hermione calmly. 'Unless you want to become a eunuch.'

This certainly shut him up for a while. Hermione couldn't help but feel the stifling heat from all the stoves. She was beginning to feel hot and sweaty.

'Your doing it wrong you know.'

Hermione sighed deeply. 'What are you talking about?'

Again she felt him closing in, her back was pressed against his front.

She couldn't be bothered turning around this time. 'I said your doing it wrong.'

Slowly he weaved his arms over hers and placed his hands in the sink seeking out hers.

'Malfoy there is no wrong way to do dishes!'

'Well you are going to get your nice clean robes dirty.'

His closeness was intoxicating and foreign. What the hell were these feelings and strange tingles all over? It got worse when he nuzzled his chin in her neck.

'Malfoy,' She said breathlessly. 'Go, away.'

She could feel him smirking. 'Oh, you don't mean that Granger.'

Her legs quivered and she had to support herself on the sink.

Slowly Malfoy drew his hands to the buttons of her uniform.

Hermione squirmed about to protest, when Malfoy froze completely. Their bodies were pressed so close that she could feel every movement. Every movement.

She was in shock for a few moments and then it was Hermione's turn to smirk.

'Didn't McGonagall say no wands in detention?'

Malfoy spun her around. Hermione lost her balance, her legs quaking too much to support her. 'Careful there Granger,' Said Malfoy in slight shock as she ended up sprawled in his arms.

'You really are jerk you know that?'

He grinned, her legs gave way again and next thing she knew their lips collided. Malfoy hands found her butt, Hermione rolled her eyes and slammed Malfoy against one of the long tables.

Malfoy growled as Hermione bucked her hips.

'Making out on the Slytherin table 'ey Granger?' He murmured in a husky growl. 'I bet you have green underwear as well huh?'

'Oh, you won't be finding that out ferret!'

He nibbled her lip and just as Hermione's hand reached the band of Malfoy’s pants. She stopped short. 'Oh, my gosh. What the hell are we doing?!' She shrieked and began buttoning up her shirt.

Malfoy’s jaw dropped as he realised they had just made out in the schools kitchen. Both of their hairs were tousled and their faces were red.

'We really need to get back to bed.' Hermione said breathlessly glancing at her watch.

Malfoy smirked.

'I never knew dirty dishes made you so dirty Granger.' She scowled at him. 'Well I'll see you tomorrow night cleaning out the dungeons.'

She looked at him sourly but Malfoy could see her knees quiver. Malfoy lent in for one last kiss just at the edge of her lip.

'Right,' said Hermione flushed. 'Sweet dreams.'

With that she turned around and Malfoy swore he saw her wink.

Hermione made her way, hot, sweaty and unsteady to the Gryffindor tower, a million thoughts running through her head.

Meanwhile Draco stood in the empty kitchen grinning. Triumphantly he glanced at the Slytherin table.

'Oh, I'm really going to enjoy breakfast tomorrow. Who knew muggle cleaning was that much fun?'