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She's In Love With The Rat by Kira

Format: Novel
Chapters: 23
Word Count: 86,809

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Substance Use or Abuse

Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Characters: Lupin, Snape, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew, Voldemort, OC
Pairings: Other Pairing

First Published: 11/14/2006
Last Chapter: 07/02/2007
Last Updated: 04/22/2013


Sensational banner made by azn_princess from TDA! So awesome!
Katie Potter is the seventeen year old, never been kissed, sister of James Potter and she is certain that she is in love with Sirius Black. However, fate’s winding road leads her, instead, into the arms of the last person she ever expected; a person who would make her life extraordinary at one moment... and then tear it to shreds. And he spends some of his time as a rat...

Chapter 17: How Can I Forgive You?

Yay! They broke up!!! Just kidding, just kidding. It was fun to see you freak out for that half second. I am actually very sad that they did. I told Katie she shouldn’t but she didn’t want to listen to me. I don’t know who made her boss. Well it is her story I suppose…but I digress. Here is chapter seventeen. I hope you’re very happy to have it considering I should be studying right now! Oh, well. That will just have to wait. The next chapter will take longer as it is now finals week. But that means SUMMER is coming! So bear with me a little and then I can be shooting out chapters all summer long!! Enjoy this chapter, take your time, and I’ll meet you at the bottom!

Chapter Seventeen

How Can I Forgive You?

“You did WHAT?!” Lily started at me; her green eyes wide and full of confusion. “How could you? I didn’t know you guys had gotten that bad! Couldn’t you have just worked through it? Is he alright? Do you still love him? How could you?”

That was what Lily had to say when I got up the courage to tell somebody what I had just done. I had wandered back into the Entrance Hall; totally drenched. Where Peter had gone, I had no clue. The weight that had been residing in my chest for the past months; the one I thought would disappear after I…did what I did, was still there. Only it was worse. I had broken someone’s heart. I had destroyed somebody else of my own free will. I wandered around the castle, going no place in particular. Just walking down the halls; dripping water everywhere. People would stare at me as I passed but I didn’t care. I walked and walked, until I somehow ran into Lily. She asked me why I was in such a state and I answered her like a robot.

After Lily had told me her thoughts about my decision, I slid down the wall and buried my face in my knees.

“I know,” I whimpered. “How could I? I wasn’t planning it or anything. I just saw him and these things started tumbling out of my mouth. And before I knew it, I had…” I broke off my sentence and just started to cry. Lily’s shock gave way to sympathy as she came up and put her arms around me.

“It’ll be okay,” she whispered in my ear. I shook my head as my bitter and devastated tears fell on her shoulder. How could I? That one thought refused to leave my mind alone. HOW COULD I?


I crawled into bed after I left Lily. I threw the covers over my head and stared at the design on the sheets. The hours slipped by. I was never going to move again. If it had been a normal day by now I would have been starving. But not anymore. I was so numb with doubt and shock about what I had done that I became worried if I would ever feel again. I was very glad at that moment that I was a Hufflepuff and that the Marauders couldn’t get up here to kill me for what I had done. They were likely to be furious.

Just go tell Peter you’re sorry, and that you didn’t mean it.

Thoughts like this refused to leave me alone, but I could find no strength to move. Something was telling me to stay where I was. I flipped onto my stomach and crushed my face into my pillow. The pain will go away. It’s getting better all the time. Sappy song lyrics about breakups and heartache ran through my head as I continued to look at those sheets…forever. Oh, Peter was gone. I had lost him.

I started to weep bitterly until I finally fell asleep.


When I woke up the sun was beginning to slip below the horizon. I hadn’t been asleep very long at all. Two hours at the most. I threw the sheets away from my face and sat up in bed. I sniffled and wiped at my nose. I couldn’t stay in bed anymore. I needed fresh air. I needed to make sure the world hadn’t simply disappeared outside. It felt like the world was gone to me. My hair was sticking up in an insane fashion but I didn’t have the strength or care to search for my brush. The last thing I was worried about was my appearance. I wandered out of the Common Room, down some corridors, and ended up in the Great Hall. I pushed open the gigantic oak door and stepped out into the evening.

I looked sadly at the setting sun. The last time the sun set, Peter and I had been together.

“But you weren’t happy,” a voice whispered in my head. I needed someone to tell me I had done the right thing. But how could breaking someone’s heart be the right thing? As I let these thoughts run around in my head I kept walking. I passed the shimmering lake, and Hagrid’s hut. I came to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. A tree that was a few paces away caught my attention.

The tree was gigantic; it had hundreds of limbs just calling out to be climbed. I hadn’t climbed a tree in a few years but at that moment I got an overwhelming feeling that I needed to climb it. I lifted my right leg to the nearest branch to the ground and pulled myself up. I kept climbing slowly, branch to branch. I kept climbing until the ground was completely blocked from view by branches and leaves. I found a particularly wide branch and propped myself up against it. I sighed shakily. For those few minutes of climbing I hadn’t thought of Peter. A slight improvement.

I felt safe with all the tree’s arms all around me. It felt like a huge hug. No one could see me here. I felt separate from the world. And if I was separate from the world, I didn’t need to worry about Peter. I didn’t need to worry about how he was feeling; how he was handling this whole awful situation. I glanced at the sliver of the sun that was still visible as it winked at me through the foliage. I was about to close my eyes when I heard rustling from below. Before I could even wonder who was coming up, Sirius’ head appeared. I let out a small yelp of surprise.

“Hey,” he said softly, climbing higher so he was sitting across from me.

“Hi,” I responded uncertainly. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing,” he answered; the last light of the sun streaked across his face.

“I’m just dandy,” I answered. A couple of months ago I would have been having a heart attack if Sirius told me he wanted to see how I was doing. That seemed like eons ago. Before I had screwed up royally.

“How’s Peter?” I asked, not sure if I really wanted to know.

“No so good,” Sirius said, twisting his lips. “He’s been in our room for awhile now. I haven’t talked to him since…well you know.” I turned my head away from Sirius not wanting him to see the tears that were starting to gather in my eyes.

“Are you mad?” I asked him shakily. “I destroyed one of your best friends.”

“I’m not mad,” Sirius answered. “I’m confused though. We all sort of feel blindsided by this whole thing. We didn’t know that things had gotten that bad between you two.”

“It was a surprise to me too,” I replied, wiping at my eyes with the sleeve of my robes. “We would fight all the time and we we’re really unhappy. I wish somebody would tell me I did the right thing.”

“Well,” Sirius said gently. “I think its interesting that you are looking for somebody to tell you that you were right instead of somebody to tell you that you were wrong.”

“Even on a day when I wasn’t emotionally scarred I couldn’t figure out what that meant,” I said dryly.

“Well…and this is just a theory,” Sirius suggested. “If you were looking for somebody to tell you that you made the wrong decision that would mean you wanted to get back together with Peter. But since you are looking for someone to tell you that you were right I think that means that you think you did the right thing. And if you think you did the right thing that should be enough.”

“Cripe, I think that actually made sense,” I marveled. “It should be enough. And you know what? I think I did the right thing. Was it the easiest thing? No. But who said life was supposed to be easy?” Then I did something I thought I would never do again.

I smiled. It wasn’t an I’m-happy smile. It was a Hey-I’m-gonna-get-through-this smile.

“Thanks Sirius,” I said, still slightly surprised about how easy it was talk to him. “You really climbed all the way up here to talk to me?”

“I wanted to cheer you up,” Sirius answered. “Now I just need to force Peter to come out of his room and hopefully do the same for him. But honestly, I think you’re the one who’s gonna have to talk to him.”

“Maybe,” I mused, adjusting my weight on the branch. “But its too soon. Perhaps I’ll talk to him after things cool down a bit.”

“Scared to talk to him, huh?”



“What is this all about you guys?” I asked, impatiently. “Can’t you just let me go get ready for work?”

It had been four days since the breakup and I had been working at the Prophet furiously.

“You’ve been doing nothing but work. We never see you,” Vicky insisted, pushing me from behind. “I think by just walking with us is some sort of breakthrough.” I sighed a frustrated sigh and blew at a piece of my bushy hair that was sticking out in front of my eyes. Suddenly the pushing from behind me stopped and we came to the door of a classroom.

“Why the hell did you get me up to bring me here?” I demanded, turning to go. Vicky and Jennie caught me by the arms. They didn’t answer my question. At that moment Lily came around the corner, red in the face.

“Sorry,” she breathed. “I was at the library working on my…” Then she noticed me. “You actually got her here?”

“What’s going on?” I asked, trying to free my arm from the grasps of my friends.

“Oh, I see,” Lily said, going to open the door. “You didn’t tell her.” I tried to ask again for information but then the door was swinging open and I was pushed inside.

My heart started to thud loudly in my chest. Peter was there. He was surrounded by the other three Marauders; apparently in the same sort of position that I was. Our eyes locked and I immediately turned to leave. The girls grabbed my arms and faced me in the other direction, leading me to a chair, which they promptly sat me in.

“What are you guys playing at?” I snarled.

“You guys need to talk,” Vicky insisted. “And since neither of you seem to have the courage to try, we decided to arrange an opportunity for you.”

“I don’t want to talk to him,” I snapped angrily. “I’m still humiliated about the whole thing!”

“Just try, please,” Jennie pleaded. “We know you want to.” I sighed a defeated sigh.

“Five minutes,” I declared.

“That’s all we ask,” Lily replied. Then she and the other girls grabbed James, Remus, and Sirius from around Peter and exited the classroom. I gulped at the lump in my throat as an uncomfortable silence filled the room.

“I have nothing to say,” Peter suddenly spoke, turning away from me. I stared hard at his back and was about to say that I had nothing to say either, but the words fell dead on my lips. I did have some things to say. I didn’t know exactly what. But something needed to be said.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered, lowering my eyes to the ground. I sensed him turning to face me, but I didn’t look up.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I continued, twisting my hands in each other. “I just couldn’t live the way we were anymore. We just kept hurting each other. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t plan it. The words just spilled out. I couldn’t stop them. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

I finally found the courage to lift my eyes to meet his. I expected him to look thoughtful or perhaps touched. But he didn’t. He looked mad.

“How can I forgive you?” he demanded loudly. “When people have problems in a relationship, they work them out!”

“Peter, we were never together enough to work it out!” I insisted back.

“And whose fault was that? You were the one spending all hours at that stupid paper!”

“Don’t you understand that I found something that I’m good at? I love my job! Its hard work but I’m actually doing something that I care about! I never thought I would find something like this. How can you not understand that?!”

“Oh, I understand perfectly! I understand that you care more about your job than me! That’s just fine!”

I let out a shriek of frustration; my hands in my hair. I put my back to Peter and took a few deep breaths. All the doubt about my decision to break up with him was going away. Maybe I had done the right thing.

“I can’t believe that in all the time we’ve been together you haven’t learned one thing about me!” I said. “I care about you so much. But I can’t put my life on hold right now. This is the time where we are all changing and moving on.”

“Do you even know how much you hurt me?” Peter’s voice quivered behind me. “I’ve been running around my whole life looking for something constant and clear. Then I found you and I found so much clarity it was ridiculous. Then you decided to just throw away our relationship.”

“I told you, I didn’t plan it,” I responded, feeling tears rising. Don’t cry. Please don’t start crying.

“But that doesn’t mean you didn’t mean it. You meant it. It was what you’ve been wanting to say for awhile. I felt so alone when I wouldn’t see you for days because you were at work. But I thought our relationship was important enough to stick it out. But I guess everything we had was worthless to you.”

The tears poured out of my eyes as I whipped around to face him.

“How dare you!” I yelled, choking on my tears. “You act like this was all my fault. You were there when we fought! You caused part of it! How can you say something like that? I come here trying to make things a little less painful for both of us, and you just inflict more hurt!” I had to stop shouting because my tears had overpowered my voice.

“I inflict more hurt?!” Peter shouted. “You were the one who ended us! Jeez, you know something? You’re just like my father. He’s great at making people feel safe, and then when they feel the safest, he rips it all away.”

I couldn’t take anymore of this. I wiped at my tearstained eyes before bolting to the door.

“There, you got your five minutes!” I snapped at my confused friends as I rushed away back to the Common Room. “I have to get ready for work!.”


I was still in a rage as I flew up to the Common Room and changed into my work clothes at top speed. A couple minutes later I was flying into work, enraged that I still had ended up five or ten minutes late.

The cheerful, young secretary whose name was Glenda, came to meet me when we spotted each other.

“They’re all in the conference room,” she explained hurriedly as we walked side by side. “Mr. Bailey has been looking for you. But they already started the meeting. It was a spur of the moment kind of meeting too.”

“Thanks Glenda,” I said with a forced smile.

“You alright honey?” she asked kindly.

“I’ve been better,” I admitted. Glenda patted my shoulder and gave me an encouraging smile. I bid her a quick farewell and rushed over to the conference room. I slipped in and all four men and four women looked up at me.

I looked at Mr. Bailey and tried to apologize with my eyes for being late. He didn’t look too mad, just annoyed.

“Good of you to join us, Ms. Potter,” he said, as I took my seat and took out a pad of paper and a pen to write with.

“For Ms. Potter’s benefit, we shall start from the beginning,” Mr. Bailey declared; I hung my head, not meeting any of the other employee’s eyes.

“A few hours ago, Ralph Pettigrew was murdered and was discov…”

“What?!” I nearly yelled at the top of my voice. “Oh my god.” The others stared at me as if I was insane. Mr. Bailey’s ears were starting to turn red; a warning sign that his patience was being tested.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Its…just…that…” I started quietly. “He was the father of…someone I know from school.”

“Well that’s just fascinating,” Mr. Bailey commented sarcastically. “May I continue briefing everyone on the situation?”

I nodded sadly as so many thoughts raced through my head. Peter’s father was dead? Why would Death Eaters go after him? Did Peter know? Was he alright? What could I do for him? I listened intently to Mr. Bailey’s words.

“Mr. Pettigrew was discovered my Ministry officials in his home office. The only witness was a gardener and his wife who distinctly saw masked individuals enter the home. His death was hushed up but apparently a few rumors are beginning to leak out. People are starting to think that Death Eaters were responsible. A top man in the magical world with a muggle son seems like a typical yet high profile target. When the Prophet began to catch wind of these rumors we received a letter from the Minister of Magic. Its contents command us to cover the truth of this murder and print an article that explains how Mr. Pettigrew died on his own.”

“He wants us to cover it up?” I asked incredulously.

“Exactly,” Mr. Bailey continued; amazing me with his calmness. “So who has an idea for the cover story?”

“How about a heart attack?” asked one of the men who had thin glasses and a crooked smile. “Or is that too violent?”

“How about we tell the truth!” I tried, tearing at the page on my pad of paper in my frustration. “If he was killed by Death Eaters, shouldn’t we say so?”

“Look,” Mr. Bailey said, giving me a hard stare down. “Nothing would please me more than to tell the truth…lord knows it would sell more papers, but we can’t. I got an official letter from the Minister of Magic himself that we are not allowed to release this information. If the public knew that Death Eaters were responsible for killing an innocent civilian people would start to panic. They would do something stupid. And the Ministry is not adequately prepared to deal with that situation.”

He looked back at the other man and said, “I think a heart attack would be fine. Let’s say he died in his office. He did work long and late hours there. I don’t think it would surprise anyone.”

“Aren’t you worried about the truth getting out?” I tried again. “I mean the family will always know the truth.”

“No, they won’t,” he corrected me. “The family will be given the same story as well.”

“How can you do this?” I cried. “They deserve to know the truth! Everyone else deserves to know the truth too! How can you do this?”

“I’m just following orders,” Mr. Bailey said sternly. “Now I would advice you to do your job and let me do mine. Don’t make me regret hiring you. Now the family has been called here to make some statements that we can add to the article. Lord knows we need something to take up space. They’ll be here in…about an hour. Ralph’s brother and two sons are coming.

“Don’t you think,” I interjected. “That we should give them some time to mourn. Do we really have to do this so soon?”

“Ms. Potter,” Mr. Bailey snapped impatiently. “This article is coming out tomorrow. We asked the family members if they would embellish the article and they wanted to do it. They want to make sure that their feelings about Mr. Pettigrew will be in the article.”

My blood froze. Peter was coming here? We had just had our worst fight ever and I was going to have to see him. Was he going to be upset about his father? This was so not what he needed right now. I didn’t know what he needed but this was not it. Where that hour of time went I’ll never know. I was so worried and so terribly fidgety that time just seemed to disappear.

We, or the others rather, discussed the article until Glenda appeared at the door and ushered in Peter, Aaron, and a man who must be Peter’s uncle and Ralph’s brother. My eyes shot to the floor and I refused to pick them up. Mr. Bailey stood up and started to speak.

“First of all let me extend the condolences from everyone here at the Prophet. Thank you so much for agreeing to see us. We want to make this article something special and we are humbled that you would take the time to speak with us.”

I felt anger creeping along my body. How could Mr. Bailey spew all this crap when he knows what really happened to this family’s loved one? Mr. Bailey gestured to Mr. Pettigrew’s brother.

“Would you like to start?”

Mr. Pettigrew’s brother got up and straightened his tie as he fumbled with a few crinkled note cards. He nodded nervously at the crowd. His face was round and red and he had a thick amount of brownish blonde hair atop his head. He cleared his voice into his fist before starting to speak.

“There isn’t a lot we can really say,” he began. “We lost someone that we all loved. It hurts. But instead of simply being devastated at the loss of our father, our brother, or our friend, we must try to remember the good times. Ralph was a good man and a devoted worker and father.”

I glanced over at Peter. His shoulders were shaking. Crying, I thought. I tore my eyes away from him and concentrated on what the speaker was continuing.

“Ralph loved his two sons Aaron and Peter more than anything in the world. He would always tell me how it was his greatest joy to spend time with them and watch as they grew. Ralph’s time as a single parent could not have been easy. But today we look at his wonderful, well adjusted boys and know that he did his job…he did his job.”

Peter let out a snort of laughter. Peter had an arm in front of his face, but there was no doubt. He was laughing.

Peter’s uncle cleared his throat again and pressed forwards, “He would also always say that his first and most important job was to be a father…”

He was cut off at this point, because Peter was dissolved into absolute hysterics. He was laughing so loudly that Aaron who was standing next to him looked both shocked and appalled. He hit him lightly on the arm, trying to get him to stop, but Peter just laughed on. I slid out of my chair and went up to Peter’s shaking form and took him gently by the arm.

“Come on Pete,” I said compassionately. “Let’s get you out of here.”

I was surprised he listened to me but I managed to lead Peter as quickly as I could out of the hall.

And that is chapter seventeen!!! I hope you enjoyed it very much! Wish me luck on my exams, I certainly need it! I should have paid more attention in class. Well leave me a review! Maybe it will give me good luck! Thanks for reading and thanks for the review I know you will leave!

You guys rock,