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From Hate To Love And Back Again by Irish_Ginny

Format: Novel
Chapters: 27
Word Count: 66,986
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: 12+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature

Genres: Fluff, Humor, Romance
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew, Voldemort, OC
Pairings: James/Lily, OC/OC, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC

First Published: 05/31/2006
Last Chapter: 10/23/2006
Last Updated: 11/01/2006

Summary:
Thanks to the wonderful Midori for such an amazing banner!!!


This takes place during James and Lily's 7th Year. After James is once again rejected by Lily he asks the other Marauders for help. But is this a good idea? Especially if Sirius is helping? Join James, Lily and their friends as they tackle their last year and everything it brings; love, loss and laughter. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I really need you to tell me what you think!!


Chapter 24: Chapter 24: Nobody Knows It But Me

Chapter 24: Nobody Knows It But Me

Lily sat on the end of Alice bed in the hospital wing looking at everyone. No one was sure what had really happened over the last hour or what to think about it. No one could believe it had happened, everything came so fast. No one said a word to anyone else, they were all deep in their own thought. Lily looked up at James who was holding her tightly. She cuddled closer to him, enjoying the feeling of him against her and taking comfort from him. He pulled her as close as he possibly could and rested his head on top of hers.

They all turned at the sound of the door opening and saw Dumbledore walking in. He smiled at them as he reached them. They all looked worriedly at him but he just smiled again.

“It is ok, Voldemort is gone. There is no need to worry,” he told them.

“But why was he here in the first place?” Alice asked him from her bed. But James answered before Dumbledore got the chance.

“He was looking for us again, wasn’t he Professor?”

“I believe so James. He seems to believe you are all a threat to him and he wishes to eliminate you all,” Dumbledore said.

“So…so he is just going to keep coming after us?” Lily asked.

“I am not certain. He wants you out of the way, yes. But I am not sure wether failing twice already will make him give up or try harder the next time. But you are all strong, especially for your age. He has a very good reason to fear what you will all become,” Dumbledore told them with another encouraging smile. “I am sorry, but I must go now, I have a dance to attend. I’m glad you are all feeling better,” he said before exiting the Hospital Wing doors.

“Do you really think he will stop coming after us?” Lily asked James when Dumbledore had left.

“No, he will come back. But as Dumbledore said, we are strong and we will fight him off again. Don’t worry,” James said trying to reassure her.

“So……are we leaving yet? We have a dance to attend,” Emma said. Lily turned to her, a bit surprised. Emma had never encountered Voldemort with them before so Lily thought she would be shaken by the experience.

“You still want to go to the dance? After what happened?” Lily asked her.

“Of course I want to go. What happened was scary, really scary, but Dumbledore said we are safe, so why not go?” Emma asked her.

“What about your shoulder?” Lily wondered. Emma’s arm was in a sling as she had down a good bit of damage to her shoulder.

“A minor set back,” she shrugged. “It is fine. This is the first dance Hogwarts has ever had. And I have a date. With Dan of all people. DANIEL RADCLIFFE Lily! There is no way I missing this,” she laughed.

“She’s right. We should still go. We went through a lot organizing it, it would be a shame not to go,” James said. “Unless you don’t want to?” he added.

Lily looked around, not sure if she did want to go. It would be fun, but after what happened in Hogsmeade she was tired. Not to mention upset. Seeing Voldemort again, the man who had killed her parents and Jo, had brought back a lot of memories she thought she had left behind her.

“Come on Lily, you have to come. We can’t stop living because of what has happened. Your parents wouldn’t want you to, neither would Jo. Please come? We spent all day looking for the perfect dress robes, and now you aren’t going to wear them?” Alice asked.

“Since when did Alice get so smart? She actually makes sense,” Lily thought. She knew they were still trying to make the most of the day and wanting to take their minds off what happened. They were right, she wasn’t going to stop living her life because of one person trying to ruin it. And she definitely didn’t want to miss the chance of stunning James with her new dress robes.

“Ok, ok. I’ll come,” she said with a smile as Alice and Emma cheered. Everyone smiled and began to laugh, everyone that is except Sirius who was looking out the window that was beside Emma’s bed. He didn’t want to go to the dance, since the person he was bringing was no longer there

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She looked really good in her new dress robes. She, Alice and Emma were in the 7th year girl’s dorms getting ready for the dance. Lily was worrying if the dance would be a success.

“But, Hogwarts has never had a dance! It doesn’t seem right. It sounds like some muggle thing. Maybe people won’t like it,” she thought to herself all the while. She asked Emma and Alice if they thought it was a good idea. They looked at her as if she was crazy.

“Of course people will enjoy it Lil!” Alice said.

“Yeah! Hogwarts never does anything fun! This is so unusual, and strange I will admit, but everyone loves the idea!” Emma told her with a smile before going back to fixing her hair.

For two hours the girls joked and laughed as they got ready. Finally they all stood up to admire each other.

“Wow Lils! James is going to have a heart attack when he sees you! That poor guy!” Alice joked.

Lily laughed evilly. “I know, that was the whole point of them!” she said spinning around. Her robes were an emerald green. The neck of it went into a halter, while the back was low ending in point at the bottom. There was a sort of shimmer from the fabric the shone whenever Lily moved. She had curled her hair slightly earlier and now it was held back with a few beautiful gold clips and a gold bracelet on her wrist. The necklace James had given her for Christmas hung around her neck, but when she put it on the tint of blue running through it instantly turned gold to match the clips in her hair. She looked completely stunning.

They all laughed, then Alice turned to Emma. “Em, those robes are brilliant! I don’t think you will have to worry about Dan going anywhere.” Emma laughed and looked down at her robes. They were a deep red, with no straps. Her hair was up in an elegant knot on the top of her head with different parts hanging down and had a silver necklace around her neck with a diamond hanging from it.

“You can talk Alice! I love your robes! Frank will drop dead when he sees them,” Lily smiled as Alice looked in the mirror. Her robes were baby blue with spaghetti straps and crisscross design down the back of it. She had a white gold necklace on with a heart on the end.

The three of them looked in the mirror and smiled happily. It was worth all the work, now it just had to be put to the test.

“So we spent all the money on the robes and stuff, and spent two hours getting ready just to kill our boyfriends with shock?” Alice asked and they all laughed. They opened the door and descended the stairs leading to the common room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Where the hell are they? How can it possibly take this long to get ready? They left us two hours ago!” James exclaimed. He was pacing the common room, all sense of the Marauders image of calm and coolness completely gone. He was very nervous about the night ahead. He had a few surprises planned.

“Will you relax Prongs? Girls always take forever to get ready. They will be down soon,” Sirius told him with a smile from the sofa.

“You said that an hour ago Padfoot! The dance starts in ten minutes and Lily and I have to be there at the start. Where the hell is she?” James said as he continued pacing.

“I know. Emma is still up there too. What could possibly take this long?” Dan asked. He too looked pretty nervous.

“You too lover-boys would turn around and look at the staircase you might just find out,” Sirius said with a smirk. He had noticed who was coming down the stairs.

James, Dan and Frank, who had joined them, turned to face the stairs and were completely stunned by the girls descending them. James stumbled backwards and nearly tripped over a chair, to which he heard Sirius try to cover his laugh. Dan and Frank walked forward to meet their dates. James followed, still stunned by Lily’s beauty.

“This dance was the best idea I have ever had!” he thought with a smile.

He reached Lily who was smiling mischievously at him. She was definitely enjoying the effect her dress was having on him.

“Wow Lils! You look amazing!” he stuttered, still in shock.

Lily laughed at the look of amazement on his face as he looked at her. “Well, you don’t look half bad yourself Mr Potter.” She was right. He did look good. His robes were black, like his school robes, but he looked different somehow.

He held out his arm for her to take. “Shall we?” he asked with a smile and she took his arm with a laugh. As they made for the portrait hole Lily turned to Sirius.

“Sirius? Aren’t you coming?” Lily asked him confused.

“No, I don’t feel like going. Not right now anyway,” he told them.

“Why not? It will be fun Padfoot. Since when did you ever miss an excuse to dance with every girl in Hogwarts?” James asked.

“Who said I was going to miss it? I’m just going to arrive fashionably late. Why would I arrive on time? I have to make my big entrance!” Sirius smiled at them.

“If you insist Padfoot. See you later!” James said with a wave as he, Lily, Emma, Dan, Alice and Frank left the common room together.

They reached the Great Hall at five to eight and found Remus with Susan. She was wearing light pink robes and he black. She looked very pretty. Remus seemed to think so because he could barely speak.

At eight everyone entered the Hall at eight and looked around at all the decorations. James and Lily had spent ages putting up all the decorations. Everywhere was pink or red. But it wasn’t over done. Both James and Lily hated frilly things and so agreed they wouldn’t have anything with frills for decorations. But all their hard work paid off. The Hall looked wonderful.

The group got a table along the wall and sat down together. When everyone had settled down Dumbledore stood up and the students fell silent.

“I would like to thank our Head Boy and Girl for arranging this dance for you all. It is not something we usually do at Hogwarts, but in light of recent events we think it would be best to have some fun. So enjoy yourselves, but not too much. You still have classes on Monday,” he said and the students laughed. Since dinner had been earlier, James and Lily had decided on just supplying hand foods for everyone. Lily said she didn’t want to male extra work for the House Elves.

They all spent the first half hour of the dance sitting at their table talking and laughing with one another. But when the music started Alice and Emma jumped up and dragged Dan and Frank to the newly cleared dance floor. Lily laughed at the look on the boys faces when they reached the floor.

She and James stayed where they were, watching their friends dance and joke around. As Lily watched it suddenly struck her how much Jo would be enjoying herself if she was here. Her eyes filled with tears at the thought but angrily pushed them away. She had cried enough and Alice was right, they were here to enjoy themselves. But she still felt a pang in her heart as she looked around the Hall.

James was searching it too, but he was looking for Sirius. He had expected his friend to be here by now. He searched the room but couldn’t even catch a glimpse of that long black hair that belonged to Sirius. “Where is he?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sirius left the Gryffindor common room, but instead of heading towards the Astronomy Tower. He had to dodge a lot of girls who were asking if he would dance with them, even though they were on the seventh floor. He shook them all off easily, except a Gryffindor sixth year, Mairead he remembered, who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Eventually he reached the silence of the Astronomy Tower.

He walked over to the balcony and stepped out onto it. He never planned on going to the dance. Not since she wasn’t going to be there.

He sighed as he thought of her. The past two months had been very hard on him. He had acted like he had gotten over Jo’s death, but inside he was still torn apart.

(Nobody Knows It But Me - by Babyface)
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me


He didn’t want anyone to know how upset he was. He didn’t know why but he didn’t. He had never told anyone, not even James, that he had loved her. He had kept her letter a secret. It wasn’t something he wanted others to see. He was so upset, yet angry at the same time. She was gone, she was never coming back. He was angry with himself for waiting so long to tell her how he felt. He was too proud and didn’t want to risk his image, so he never told her he loved her. Sure he had said it on the train platform, but he hadn’t meant to.


Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly but you're nowhere around


He missed her so much. He didn’t want her to be gone. He had never been in love before, and knew he wouldn’t ever be again. She was the one and now she was gone there was no one else for him. He just had to face he was alone now.

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me


He just wanted the pain to go away. He wanted the constant stabbing in his heart to disappear. He didn’t know why he kept it from everyone, but he did. Maybe he was too proud to admit that someone meant so much to him that even after two months he still missed her like crazy.

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
And nobody knows it but me


He couldn’t sleep properly anymore. His dreams were haunted by her face, that letter, the image of her being lowered into the grave. His eyes filled with tears and overflowed, slowly running down his face. His heart ripping again.

Lie awake, it's a quarter past three
I'm screaming at night if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me


He wasn’t the same Sirius he used to be, even he saw it in himself. Every smile was forced. Every joke he said wasn’t real. He couldn’t laugh anymore, and when he did it wasn’t the same cheerful laugh it once was. He couldn’t believe one girl could change him so much, but she had. He had fallen deeply and completely in love, just to have her taken from him. His heart had shattered into a million pieces when Dumbledore had told him. But everytime he had heard someone talk about her, or thought about her, every one of those pieces broke into a million more, and nothing could ever repair them.

(Where Do Broken Hearts Go? - by Whitney Houston)
I know it's been some time
But there's something on my mind
You see, I haven't been the same
Since that cold November day...
We said we needed space
But all we found was an empty place
And the only thing I learned
Is that I need you desperately...

So here I am
And can you please tell me... oh

Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that's waiting there
And if somebody loves you
Won't they always love you


He couldn’t not think about her though. She was always on his mind and he couldn’t get her out of it. Everytime he stepped into the common room a flood of memories washed over him and sent more tears to his eyes. He didn’t know what he was going to do anymore, he just missed her so much it hurt to even breath. He wished for nothing else than just to have her back. He could handle anything if he could just have her back, but he knew he couldn’t. She was gone and he could do nothing about it.

I've been around enough to know
That dreams don't turn to gold
And that there is no easy way
No you just can't run away...
And what we have is so much more
Than we ever had before
And no matter how I try
You're always on my mind


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lily looked around the Hall at all her friends. They were all dancing and joking on the dance floor, they really seemed to be having a good time. She laughed as Emma, who was dancing with Dan, collided with Alice and the two of them fell to the ground, Remus, Dan and Frank laughing at them.

She and James stayed at the table for a while. Lots of people came over to them, congratulating them on the dance. Lily smile at all of them, proud of what they had done.

At nine James stood up and held his hand out to Lily with a smile as she looked at him quizzically. He glanced at a group of fifth year girls who were sitting beside them looking enviously at Lily and grinned.

“Would you care to dance?” he asked with a bow.

Lily laughed at him, but took his hand. “It would be my honour,” she said.

He led her out to the centre of the floor and spun her around before pulling her into him. He glanced at Alice and Emma who were unceremoniously leading their dates off the dance floor.

The song was slow but sweet. Lily enjoyed standing there with James, swaying slightly to the music. But suddenly, all the lights around the Hall dimmed. Everyone looked around, wondering what was going on. Only one table seemed not to be worried about it, in fact they were all smiling happily.

Lily saw Dumbledore step onto the stage, a spotlight on him so the students could see him.

“I am sorry for this interruption. But I have a special request for this next song. And it comes from none other than our Head Boy. Please, enjoy yourselves,” Dumbledore said with a slight smile.

Lily looked at James for an explanation but before she could say anything she noticed the Hall was changing. White and red rose petals were showered around her feet while bouquets of lilies and roses appeared all around the Hall. The lights were all extinguished and the only source of light was from the stars above them and a few candles flouting around the dance floor. It looked amazing. If Lily had thought the Hall had looked good before, it was nothing compared to how it looked now.

The music began to play softly and Lily gasped quietly as she recognised it. It was one of her favourite songs. It came from a movie she always watched when she was on holidays; A Cinderella Story. She and her muggle friend Sarah always talked about how great it would be like Sam in the movie and have something like that happen to her. And now here she was, living that dream.

(I'll Be - by Edwin McCain)
The strands in your eyes
The colour them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains
Are thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their dept.

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated, I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gateau of heartache that hangs from above.


Lily looked around the Hall and spotted Alice and Emma, laughing together. They were the only ones she had told about the song, so they must have told James.
“I will kill them later,”

I’ll be your crying shoulder
I’ll be love suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls, angry on the tin roof
As we ly awake in my bed
And you’re my survival
You’re my living truth
My love is alive and not dead.

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated, I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gateau of heartache that hangs from above.

And I’ll ne your crying shoulder
I’ll be love suicide
I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.


Lily couldn’t believe James had done this. It was so beautiful and perfect. As she looked at him he smiled and spun her out and back into him. She was very impressed by his dancing, she never thought he would be such a good dancer. He spun her again and dipped her towards the floor, bringing her back up with a smile.

Everyone watched as they danced. No one else was dancing. The couples that had been on the floor had moved to the side so only James and Lily were left in the middle. Alice and Emma stood at the edge of the floor smiling widely. When James had come to them and asked to help they weren’t sure how Lily would react. But it had been worth it. They saw Lily had the biggest smile ever on her face, with an identical one stuck on James’. They had never seen them so happy, especially when they were together.

“What’s next? I can’t remember, he gave us such a long list I can’t remember what comes next,” Emma said.

“You’ll just have to wait and see then won’t you?” Alice laughed quietly as Emma hit her.

James spun Lily one final time as the song ended. It was so perfect Lily couldn’t speak. But as the music of the song slowed down it blended into another. Lily knew this one too, she just wandered how James had gotten hold of it.

(Have I Told You Lately - Van Morrison)
Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles
That's what you do

All the morning sun in all it's glory
Wishes there was hope and corn for two
And you fill my life with laughter
You can make it better
Ease my troubles that's what you to

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun

At the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one


Lily was sure James had gone through an awful lot of trouble searching for these songs, and she couldn’t believe he had found them.

James looked down into her eyes he saw them sparkle and he spun her around with a smile. “Phase one; complete,” he told himself happily. This was one of his best plans ever. It had been a lot of work, tracking down the songs, charming the decorations to appear, getting the lights to change. But when he looked again at Lily and saw how happy she seemed he smiled at her again. “Definitely worth it!”

The song ended a few minutes later and James dipped Lily to the ground again and brought her back up to him as the last note finished. She gave him a big smile, her eyes twinkling.

“Wow James, that was amazing. How did you do it?” she asked. She hadn’t moved from the position she was in for the dance. Her arms were still around James and they continued to stand alone in the centre of the floor.

“I can’t reveal my secrets,” he told her. “But there is something else. I want to give you something.”

Lily looked puzzled. “James, you didn’t have to get me anything. Really, this is more than enough,”

“No, nothing is enough when it concerns you,” he whispered into her ear making her blush slightly.

He handed her a flat velvet box. She looked at him again before opening the box and looked at the bracelet inside. It was gorgeous. It was silver like her necklace, with a sort of Celtic design. As she looked closer she saw there were lilies carved along it.

“Oh, James, it is wonderful. You didn’t have to do this. Thank you so much,” she choked. It really was beautiful.

“Turn it over,” he told her softly.

She did so and looked a bit confused. It read; 10:49 September 1st 1970.

James laughed at the look of puzzlement on her face and gently lifted the bracelet out of her hand. “That is the first time I saw you Lily. And the first time I realised I always wanted to be with you,” he told her.

She gazed up at him in shock. “How can you remember that James? It was so long ago,”

He gave another small laugh. “You are not easy to forget Lils.” She smiled, leaning in to kiss him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. Neither of them payed any attention to the crowd around them until they started to cheer and shout at them. Lily broke off blushing but still smiling.

“Happy Valentine’s Day Lil,” James said.

“Yeah, Happy Valentine’s Day James,” she said with a smile before kissing him again.

“See, I told you it would work!” Alice laughed as they all came onto the dance floor towards them. James glared at them for coming over but they just laughed at him.

“You have her later James! We told you she would love it!” Emma said with a smirk. Lily laughed and turned to James.

“So, you had help?” she asked with a grin.

“A little. You are a difficult girl to please Lily Evans. And surprise, the hardest thing was keeping it from you. You figure everything out, I had to make up so many excuses to go and work on this that I have ran out now!” he told her as if he was exhausted.

“I don’t think he tried very hard. He kept coming up to us ‘Lily is getting suspicious, can you go on and start? I will be there soon’” Remus said.

They all laughed before splitting up into their couples again. Lily turned to James with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Thank you so much James, this is beautiful. So, I guess I have to repay you now?” she asked with a sly smile.

“You better! I've barely slept because I was too busy getting this ready. I think I deserve a reward,” he told her with a grin as he placed his arm around her waist again. Lily laughed and together they left the Hall.

James cast one final look around the Hall before leaving trying to find Sirius. But he couldn’t see him anywhere. “Um……wonder where Padfoot got to? Pity he wasn’t here. Probably with some girl,”

He didn’t realise how wrong he was. Sirius wasn’t with a girl, just thinking about one. One that was no longer there.


A/N: James is very showy isn't he? But sweet too! Poor Sirius I hate breaking his heart! What did you think??? PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!

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