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Paint it Black by Entmaiden

Format: Song fic
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,192

Rating: 12+
Warnings: Mild Violence

Genres: General, Angst
Characters: Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew

First Published: 07/08/2006
Last Chapter: 07/15/2006
Last Updated: 06/03/2007

I wanna see your pain, painted black
Black as night, Black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see your pain, Pain, PAIN! PAINTED BLACK!

A story about life, love, death, betrayal, and hunting him down...

Song by the Rolling Stones!

Chapter 1: Paint it Black

I can not believe they are gone. The two people I loved more than anybody else in the world. My friends, my family. They are gone. And they're never coming back. They are dead now and it is all my fault.

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black

I thought I was protecting them. I thought I was saving them from death. I trusted him. I trusted him with the secret. The secret of their lives. I trusted him with their lives, and that rat betrayed me, betrayed them. The ones I loved most in the world are betrayed, and therefore gone, and I sent them on their way. One I trusted with everything, loved with everything killed them. I do not think I will ever be able to trust, to love anyone or anything ever again.

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
The flowers and my love both never to come back

Many have tried consoling me about my grief with words and actions of comfort, condolence, and sympathy. Little do they know that it is not only grief, but also guilt I suffer from.

A couple think I am the traitor. They believe I did it; sold them to that dark lord. They believe that I betrayed the two people I loved more than family, more than myself. They believe I am the one who led that wretched rat's master to them. They are right of course, but they do not know of my protective steps that led him to them in the end.

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ry day

There is only one consolation for me now. The only way I will ever be able to return to a semi-normal life, for me to ever feel slightly at peace with myself again. There is only one way for me to rest. I must kill that back-stabbing rat. I must make him pay for the lives, the trust, the love, he stole with his own. Since he has no trust, or love, or worth, I must take all that remains: his life. I will not let that piece of vermin live.

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and I must have it been painted black

I do not think I will ever really live again. They are dead. They were my brother and sister, my mother and father, my heart and soul. How could I truly live without them? The only part of them left in the world is thier son who was given away to a wretched family who will never allow me a single visit with the last piece of my life left.

My only surviving friend has gone into hiding and blames me. He believes I was the one who led the rat's master there and is probably filled with the same murderous vengence I am.

The only reason I have to live is that he lives, too. That the traitor survives is a wrong I must remedy.

Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when you're whole world is black

I'm chasing him down. I know where he is. I know his secret. I will get him, kill him. I will make him rue the day that he sacrificed my trust and love for their lives! He will regret betraying us. I will curse him until he cries, until he howls, untile he dies.

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you

I cornered him today in the middle of the street. People were watching. I was glad, happy, there would be witnesses to watch his demise. Unfortunately, so was he. Before I could end his miserable existance, the rat screamed that I had killed them, those I loved more than this twice-cursed earth, and cut off his finger.

Then he blew up the street killing twelve of the innocent by-standers while he himself escaped and scurried into the sewers where his brethren lurked in their home of filth. It looked as if I had blown the street apart and he and the others were blasted to smithereens. The only evidence they could find of him was his finger.

If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

I laughed. I laughed at his foolish plan. I laughed at how I would track him down again and again. I would track him down to the ends of the universe if I had to. I laughed at how I would make him pay twice as hard for the deaths of all the innocents on that street. I laughed at how he stood no chance against me and my righteous fury.

Then the police showed up and arrested me for the murder of him and the twelve innocents and manaical laughter. So, I just kept laughing.

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black

I was thrown in jail, of course, with the overwhelming evidence against me. It matters not to me. These bars and wicked jailers cannot hold me. I will escape sooner or later. Then he is dead.

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I miss the fresh air and the blue sky. I miss them. I miss the old days. I miss trust and love and joy. Most of all, I miss the life I once felt. The other prisoners are insane.

I, on the other hand, will-no, must-stay sane, no matter how much I miss the light of day or the freedoms of space or how much I long for their company. I must stay sane, so that I can escape and track him down.
I must stay sane for them.
I must stay sane for Prongs, that brother above blood.
I must stay sane for Lily Potter, that woman who laughed with me and gurgled with her child.
I must stay sane for Lily Evans, the girl who ruled our youths.
I must stay sane for James Potter, for James Charlus Potter, the man, the boy, the friend who I can not describe in words.
I must stay sane for James Potter, who I can no longer picture in my mind's eye.
I must stay sane for them, so I can kill that king of rats, that killer of love, life, and why, that traitor, Peter Pettigrew.

I wanna see your pain, painted black
Black as night, Black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see your pain, Pain, PAIN! PAINTED BLACK!

A/N: Okay, that was my first and I know it's mega-short. I have re-edited it so many times...but it being my first fic, it's sort of my little baby, so I can't radically alter him...yet. Oh, and about these Stones lyrics, they're how they sounded to my ears, so I'm not sure if they're exactly right.