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My Reflection by Astrid Elisabeth

Format: Novel
Chapters: 55
Word Count: 115,470

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Drama, Romance, Angst
Characters: Dumbledore, Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Voldemort
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 10/03/2004
Last Chapter: 07/02/2005
Last Updated: 01/01/2012

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Lily Evans felt her leotard hug her curves. Her hands were placed in third position and her feet in fourth. She was standing there, prepared to turn and perform a hopefully triple pirouette in front of her audience. The smile of James Potter was on her mind. After all, it was because of him she was standing on this stage. She hated it, but that was the truth. This is a different James/Lily story with quite a few twists. Hope you like it! Banner by Iced_Cherriez.

Chapter 54: Seduction

Chapter fifty-four, Seduction

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Dance till the stars come down from the rafters
Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop
--W.H. Auden

I looked at myself in the mirror, surveying my outfit. It was Saturday night, and in not very long we would be in a carriage on our way to Hogsmeade. Anna, Hillary, Jennifer and I had used three hours doing each others make-up, discussing who would seduce who, and what we should wear. I had tried on ten different combinations, but I was satisfied with the result.

I was wearing a short smooth black skirt with a bolt of lightning on the left side. A dark green party top made my eyes look astonishing, which were skilfully decorated by Anna. I also wore a series of bracelets, and a golden pendant. My hair was loose, with a natural wavy touch. My feet were placed into elegant high boots.

To spell it out; the outfit wasn’t in my everyday wardrobe.

Anna, Hillary and Jennifer had dressed up like me, but in denim skirts and black party tops. We were all very excited about leaving.

"We don’t have anything to lose," Hillary pointed out. "It’s our last night at Hogwarts."

Anna smiled widely, looking at her watch.

"It’s nearly nine, we should get going."

It was summer, so it wasn’t very dark outside. But as we entered the club, darkness consumed us. The known, good darkness of a disco. The music filled our ears, and our very nicest smiles were put onto our faces.

My eyes widened as I saw the dance floor, it was inviting me to move onto it. Jennifer took my arm, and she lead me over to it. It was packed with people, everybody I knew from seventh year. Suddenly a glass appeared automatically in my hand, it was a brilliant trick Dumbledore must have come up with.

The firewhiskey within the goblet was soon running down my throat, just as flaming and nice as last time.

Something happens to me when I’m on a dance floor. I’ve never had the opportunity to go dancing on a club at Hogwarts, but during summer holidays I did it a lot. Something about the music alighted sides of my body I never got in touch with in other ways.

The short skirt hugged my hips as I moved them around. My feet were flowing over the floor, my heart beating along with the music. My hair was loose, flying around my face as I smiled and laughed with joy.

The rhythm rocked my petite body, there was nothing but me and the music. It was like they were one; my body and the music.. they fulfilled each other.

Then I felt somebody come up behind me, placing a pair of hands on my hipbones.

"Not so innocent tonight, are you?" he drawled.

"Sirius," I said approvingly, smelling his cologne. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"What?" he asked, continuing to move me around the floor.

"You know what happened last time I drank, and this time we’re additionally on a damping dance-floor," I pointed out.

"I’ll take the chance. I just wanted to dance with you before James wins you over completely," Sirius grinned.

"Ok, Mr Black," I said. "Let’s see if you can cope."

I leaned back on him, placing a hand around his neck. My other hand was on top of his on my hipbone. I let the rhythm move me, and my hips rocked back and forwards. I sneaked up on him in a way I didn’t feel awkward doing in this setting. Sirius followed me, obviously not unfamiliar with the situation. His fingers ran over my neck, and his feet never let go of the movement. Our dance moved more and more, making Sirius’ breath heavier.

"Haven’t you had your firewhiskey yet?" I teased.

"I’m saving it for later. I don’t need it to become king of the dance floor," he told me.

"Not bad," I smiled, pulling him closer.

I remembered what James had said to me in the hall. "We’ll see about that. Just for fun, let’s see how long I can stay away."

I knew I was making it hard for him. Watching me with his best friend like this would make him aware of what he had said.

‘Sorry if I’m playing, darling, but you started this by saying you wanted to think over and consider if we should date again or not. You’re the one playing hard to get.’

When the song ended, Sirius pulled me to the side.

"Feel honoured, Lily," he smiled. "I think you must be the dancing queen of the night."

I laughed.

"Seriously, you could turn anyone on," he said approvingly before going over to the marauder table.

I didn’t wait long. I hurried back, longing for the touch of the music again.

"You’re torturing James, you know that?" Anna said, satisfaction written in her face. "When he comes to you, he’ll probably be so hungry he eats you."

I laughed at her funny way of wording that.

"We’ll see.." I said expectantly, circling my glass between my fingers.

I rose, walking over to James on the dance floor. I pushed him out of the crowd and onto a chair, giving him a longing look.

"How are you doing?" I said softly, sitting onto his lap.

"Wonderful, Lily," he said smoothly, dragging a hand through his black messy hair. "You’re looking astonishing."

"Thanks," I said charmingly, resting my hands at his shoulders. "Do you give up?"

James narrowed his eyes, pointing at me with his index finger.

"It’s been hard, but I’ll try resisting the urge to come near you a little bit longer," he said. "Though you’re making it harder than I’d imagined. Suddenly you’re out of your innocent ballet-image."

I let my eyes go in a triangle between his eyes and his lips, slowly edging closer. I saw the lust in his eyes, the desire to let in.

The moment he leaned in to meet my lips, and I was about to kiss him, I pulled back, disappearing into the crowd of dancing teenagers …

The music embraced me again, letting me dive into the ocean of rhythm.

I waited for James to come after me in my sub conscience, and I knew Anna and Jennifer were keen to see the result of my playful teasing. We danced like the world was ours, like dancing was what we breathed.

After two more songs, James still hadn’t shown up.

"Ladies room," Anna broke up, grabbing my arm.

I followed, looking back to see where James was. I couldn’t see him anywhere.

"Are you sure this is working?" I said apprehensively as Anna emerged into a toilet.

"Lily, this is all a bit silly, but I think it will work out. If he doesn’t come, come to him," Jennifer said reassuringly.

"Yeah, it’s just.. I have already come to him. I don’t think we’ll get together if it’s not he who comes. See?"

Jennifer nodded. "He can’t resist you, he’s just trying to make you insecure and create a bit of suspense," she winked.

I smiled vaguely, checking my hair in the mirror. "I think it’ll be alright."

I was the last one to leave the ladies room. As I straightened my skirt, I surveyed the scene. Most people were dancing or chatting around the small, tall tables. Nobody looked dangerously affected by the firewhiskey, something that made me a bit more calm. I drank the last sip of my own drink, putting it down next to me.


I turned around, looking into James’ face.

He dragged his fingers down the length of my face in a caressing way, making my body shiver with delight.

"Do you want to dance?" I whispered into his ear.

"No," James smiled. "I want to kiss you first."

I grinned before feeling his warm lips softly against my own.

He moved me over to the dance-floor, putting his hands at the curve of my lower back.

"It was really unnecessary to dance with Sirius like that," he breathed. "I wanted to hang myself."

I sniggered as I moved to the music.


"No, evil," James replied, kissing my neck affectionately.

"I didn’t think we were going out," I pointed out to him.

He lifted his head, looking down at me.

"I don’t think I can hold back much longer," he smiled, pushing me closer to him. "Somebody else could come and take you before me, and I don’t want that to happen."

We danced well together, co-ordinating our bodies in unison. When I had danced with Sirius and the others, I had a lot of fun. But dancing with James… It felt so much more passionate. I didn’t care if anybody saw us, as long as we could be one with the music.

I didn’t mind James’ hands travelling down my body, nor the words he whispered into my ear.

"I didn’t know you could dance like this," he complimented, feeling the curve in my upper back.

"Neither did I," I replied.

"Come," James said to me, leading my body through the room and outside in the night air.

I followed him willingly, feeling everybody’s eyes on me as we went.

The air chilled my sweaty body, calming it down after lots of dancing.

"I’m sorry I made you insecure," James apologised to me.

"Don’t worry," I cooed. "I found it kind of… intriguing."

He smiled, bending down to kiss me. I deepened the kiss carefully, smelling his smells with satisfaction. As he pulled away, I embraced him into a hug.

"What was that for?" James said softly, letting me hold him.

"I’ve just… missed you so," I said slowly.

We didn’t say anything for quite a while, we just stood there in the light of the stars. The carriages stood down the road in a neat line.

"Maybe we should just leave?" James suggested as he noticed the carriages.

"Can we do that?" I asked insecurely.

"I think so," James said thoughtfully.

As we got through the portrait hole with linked hands, I felt very content. The horse-less carriage we chose had taken us back straight away. Not letting go of James on the ride back to the castle had been wonderful.

We sat down in one of the sofas in the empty common room.

I smiled in his arms, feeling them around me like a protecting shelter. I was so exhausted from all that had happened during the year. First falling for James, which had come as a shock to me. Then Bryn edging closer to me at the same time, pretending to be James right under my nose. I had been an emotional mess, and I just wanted to surrender, to give up, to stop fighting.

In James’ arms, I had stopped fighting. I was in no doubt that the man who held me in my arms loved me.

"I understand you’re tired, ballerina," he said comforting.

I snapped my head up. My eyes were wide open, looking at James’s surprised face.

"You… You called me ballerina again," I whispered, lying down on his chest. "I haven’t heard you call me that in almost two months."

James smiled at me, the same smile that always made me feel weak and strong at the same time. The same smile that had made my knees collapse for so long.

I surveyed him sitting there in front of me… his lips were swollen and red. His eyes were the mirror of his soul, and I almost gasped as I almost saw my own reflection in him. It was the strangest feeling, sitting there in silence, looking at each other. James had taught me what kind of person I wanted to be. I was willing to change for him, in any way that would make him love me more.

Was it like this he felt that day he stopped me after ballet, pinching me to the wall, saying he was willing to change for me?

"It’s very late," James made me aware of the time. "We have to pack tomorrow and everything before leaving Hogwarts. Well.. goodnight then,"

"Goodnight?" I said, looking at the staircase up to my dorm. "Do I have to?"

James looked quizzical.

"What do you mean?"

"I could… join you in your dorm if you’d like?" I posed the question that had been circling in my mind for some time.

James looked doubtful, but surprised.

"Lily," he began, taking both of my hands in his. "If you came and slept together with me in my dorm, I don’t think I’d be able to…"

"…restrain yourself?" I finished for him.

"Yeah," he smiled.

I stretched up, giving him a soft kiss.

"Have I said I want you to hold anything back?"

James sighed, standing up.

"Lily… I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for."

I put my hands around his waist.

"The only reason I haven’t been ready is because I haven’t trusted anybody enough to let in yet," I said shakily, stroking his lower back under his shirt.

James’ eyes said everything. I don’t think anybody had confessed anything like that to him before, giving him such reassurance and trust. Making him feel special like I did. It sounded selfish in my own head, but on second thought, I wanted to be the only one to make him feel that way.

"Really?" he forced out.

"Really," I confirmed.

He almost reluctantly lead me up the stairs to his head boy dorm, opening the door for me.

"It’s not as tidy as it was last time," he excused himself. I sniggered, looking at his slightly embarrassed face.

"You’re nervous?" I said amusedly. "James Potter is nervous about getting a girl into bed?"

"Dream on," James smiled charmingly. "But this time I’m not taking any girl to bed… I’m taking a princess worth being honoured and respected in every way possible."

"That’s sweet," I said, taking his hand.

He smiled, closing the door behind him.

A/N: Here comes the last chapter... Be prepared! Love, Astrid Elisabeth