You are viewing a story from

My Reflection by Astrid Elisabeth

Format: Novel
Chapters: 55
Word Count: 115,470

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme

Genres: Drama, Romance, Angst
Characters: Dumbledore, Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Voldemort
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 10/03/2004
Last Chapter: 07/02/2005
Last Updated: 01/01/2012

Image hosted by

Lily Evans felt her leotard hug her curves. Her hands were placed in third position and her feet in fourth. She was standing there, prepared to turn and perform a hopefully triple pirouette in front of her audience. The smile of James Potter was on her mind. After all, it was because of him she was standing on this stage. She hated it, but that was the truth. This is a different James/Lily story with quite a few twists. Hope you like it! Banner by Iced_Cherriez.

Chapter 51: The Meeting

Chapter Fifty-one, The Meeting

Image hosted by

Dancing is an art that imprints the soul. It is with you every moment,
it expresses itself in everything you do.
--Shirley Maclaine

I had been meditating over what Dumbledore had told me in his office as the next few days went by. I was wondering who else he had asked to join the Order. Surely it could be nobody from the Slytherins, seeing that Voldemort and most of his followers were from that house. I guessed he had mostly Gryffindors on his list, and some Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws too. The next day couldn’t go quickly enough. All I wanted was to find out properly what this Order was about, and who was joining. The ballet-exam was still fresh in my head.

I didn’t mention anything to anyone, fearing I might ruin something for Dumbledore. I knew he hadn’t told me to shut up about it, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew he wanted me to keep it to myself. I had read the letter over again to try understanding it. I wrote a letter to mum, giving her and Petunia a second warning and asked her to be cautious.

And then there was Bryn... As I had returned to the grounds after meeting Dumbledore, I was determined it must have been Sirius who had had a fight with Bryn. But it wasn’t him, and he refused to spell out who it was. But I had my suspicions. I was quite sure it was James who had kicked his ass.

I wandered around in my own thoughts, for once very keen to talk to Lindsay the Saturday afternoon. I decided to take Dumbledore’s challenge and dance on the ending feast.

“Lindsay?” I asked outside her dorm right next to the dancing studios.

She opened the door, looking like she was about to go out.

“Lucky, there, Lily! I was about to have a little walk down to Hogsmeade,” she smiled.

“I won’t occupy you,” I said, but Lindsay put her hand up.

“No, no… I can delay it. Come inside,” she said hospitably.

Lindsay’s dorm showed that she was a dancer. There were awards hanging on the walls, as well as ballet wallpapers and quotes. Her room was very pleasant and comfortable as well. I sat down in an armchair, with Lindsay opposite of me.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked curiously.

“Well… I was at Dumbledore’s office yesterday, and he requested me to dance on the end of term feast,” I told her.

Lindsay glowed as she heard what I told her. She was about to stand up because she suddenly seemed so excited.

“This is just… brilliant, Lily!” she exclaimed, looking at me with eager eyes. “I have just the thing…”

“What?” I beamed.

“It’s kind of a modern dance. It’s to a very beautiful song, and I actually thought of you as I heard the song and made the dance, because it’s so emotional. Are you doing this alone or together with someone?”

I shrugged.

“He said I could choose,” I said indifferently.

“Brilliant! You’re doing a solo,” Lindsay smiled, almost interrupting me.

“That simple? You have this planned?” I laughed.

“No, not really, but that dance is going to be so you you’re bound to do it alone.. Stun everyone with a last performance at Hogwarts,” Lindsay said eagerly, walking around the room.

“Ok, sounds interesting,” I agreed.

Lindsay got two cups and conjured some green tea in them.

“Want a cup?” she asked kindly.

“Is there more? I thought we’d discussed what I came for?” I said.

“Yes, but I just wanted to talk to you about something else as well,” Lindsay said, a little bit calmer.

“What are you planning to do when you’ve graduated?”

Lindsay didn’t hide anything, she asked me straight out.

“I have chosen the most advanced studies, so I can be whatever I want… but I haven’t really decided, to be honest. I’m quite torn,” I said sincerely.

“Oh, come on. Give me some of your thoughts,” Lindsay curled up in her chair with her cup.

“Well, I actually think it’d be rather exciting to be an auror,” I said a little bit carefully.

Lindsay almost spit her tea out.

“You? An auror? My elegant, innocent ballerina?” Lindsay laughed. “Sorry, but that’s the last thing I’d imagined.”

I smiled wryly, seeing what she meant.

“I also thought about healing, you know… or maybe economics at Gringotts. But what I think I’m leaning most on is the Ministry of Magic, as an enchanter.”

Lindsay nodded.

“I see… Keeping the wizard world separate from the muggle world with enchantments and spells, yeah? Make that part secure? Not bad. I hear you’re very good at charms.”

I blushed a little, stirring my tea with the spoon to wave off her compliment.

“Have you considered a dancing career?” Lindsay asked with heavy emphasis on the word dancing.

“Well.. it’s so hard to get into the Magic Academy of Dancing in London, I haven’t really thought about it. I just dance because it’s my passion, something I love doing. I’ve never thought about taking it as far as my profession,” I explained. “Though I have dreamt about it.”

“I see…” Lindsay said, in deep thoughts. “What about the training course they have at the Academy then? To educate yourself as a dancing teacher?”

I wrinkled my eyebrows together.

“There is such a thing? Do you know anything else?” I said, securing one of the pins in my hair which was about to fall out.

“Yeah… They have different degrees. You learn a lot out of staying there for three years, I assure you. But it is quite tricky to get in. It’s like they educate you, and you choose genres and subjects through those years. Some are taken into the Academy later, but most get out in practise.”

“Sounds interesting,” I smiled. “Do they have normal training there? With lower standards?”

Lindsay nodded. “They have normal lessons, and the audition is much less official and serious. Normally people who have other kinds of education dance there. They call it the Magical Dancing School.”

“Do you think you could note all this down?” I asked, feeling the urge to tip off my chair. “I want to take a look at it.”

“No problem, darling,” Lindsay said. “Why don’t you stay an hour later than the others the normal training days, so we can look at your feast-dance?”

“Perfect,” I said, but then my face fell slightly. “Except exams are coming up.”

Lindsay looked at me with interest.

“I know, but we’re only having one week left. We’re done with exams and the little show, I don’t have much more to teach and train you to. And I want you all to do well in your N.E.W.T.s,” she said. “But if it’s not stressful, we can continue to the end of term.

I smiled all over my face.

“How nice! Then I won’t miss anything until I have to.”

Lindsay looked at her wristwatch, raising her forehead.

“I best be going,” she looked up.

I rose and she walked with me out.

“See you around, Lily!” she beamed as she walked out to the entrance hall.

I was early down in the common room. Resting my Potions-book on my lap, I scribbled down the most important theory in my notebook for my exam. It wasn’t that many days left – and of course it was potions that was the first exam. Could it be worse?

I traced the time, my heart beating faster as it got closer and closer to midnight. Anna studied with me for an hour before she went to bed, and Hillary came and hugged me goodnight when it was half past eleven.

“You’re really going for potions, I see?” she laughed as she went upstairs.

As my watch showed ten to twelve, I noticed people coming out of their dorms and heading for James’s dormitory. When I noticed this, a light bulb enlightened over my head.

‘That means James has also got the invitation for the Order…’

I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this, after he had snapped at me the night I realised the truth. When it was five past midnight, I didn’t really have much choice but to put my potions aside and knock on James’s dorm.

I heard hushed voices inside, not that many, but enough. As James’s face was exposed as he opened the door, he looked a little taken aback, but at the same time he must have been expecting me.

“Lily, of course,” he smiled dimly. “Get inside.”

I felt his hand in the curve on my back as he gestured me inside. The light was matt, and people were sitting on James’ bed and floor.

“Welcome, miss Evans,” I heard McGonagall’s voice.

She almost gave me a fright, seeing that she was the last person I’d imagined along with Dumbledore to ever set foot in James Potter’s dorm.

“Now that we’re all here, I just want to check,” she said in her usual voice.

“Sirius Black? Lily Evans? Remus John Lupin? Peter Pettigrew? Gideon and Fabian Prewett? James Potter?” McGonagall called out one by one alphabetically, and we answered her in determined voices.

“Is there anyone who have heard of the Order of the Phoenix before?” McGonagall seemed like she wanted it done, but she was serious at the same time.

“I-I’ve hard it mentioned,” Fabian Prewett stuttered. “I think my parents mentioned it.”

Gideon nodded next to him.

McGonagall gave them a vague smile.

“They’re trusted wizards, the Prewetts. And I assume they’re familiar with Alastar Moody?”

“Correct,” Fabian said proudly.

I noticed I was sitting between Remus and James, and my hand was inches away from James’s. I just wanted him to put it on top of mine.. And as I thought that, I noticed his hand was wounded. Then I saw James had a blue eye.. It had been him Bryn had had a fight with.

“Well, I’m going to tell you briefly what’s going to happen,” McGonagall began. “Professor Dumbledore gathered a group of people in 1973, to fight against Voldemort. He saw what was coming, and wanted to be prepared. The Order consists of all kinds of wizards, even squibs. We have our head quarters in London, where we get together and set you out for different tasks. It is very serious, and we need you to be determined in this. It’s no game.”

As McGonagall had a pause to breathe, I looked quickly over at James again, noticing he looked back. I quickly turned my head back, feeling a slight blush on my cheeks.

The night wasn’t that long, but it felt long. By the end of McGonagall’s speech, I was determined to join. I saw the look on James, Fabian and Sirius in particular, not even asking what they wanted. We signed McGonagall’s papers, and she told us we’d be contacted by Dumbledore shortly.

“I’m leaving now,” she said with a sigh. “You all have a good nights sleep. And Mr. Potter, don’t forget your detention.”

James nodded quickly, avoiding the looks of the people around him.

As she left our company, I laid down on the floor, breathing out. This was my first step to defeating Voldemort. The first step against doing something I knew was for the best of everybody. It was a good feeling.

Then my whole body froze. I felt someone over me, though not in touch with my body anywhere, I felt his breath trace my lips. Did I dare to open my eyes? I didn’t have time, because he suddenly disappeared. I think he was pulled away by someone else.

As I sat back up, I was confused.

“Who was that?” I asked with a frown.

“Sorry, Lily… couldn’t resist,” Sirius grinned. “Never meant to kiss you, promise!”

His hands were up and he looked like he was having a good time.

“Just wanted to see your reaction,” he winked before leaving James’s dorm. I wondered if he was talking to me or James. “Good night, everyone!”

The Prewett brothers left, as well did Remus, carrying a sleeping Peter. I could swear he winked at me as he left the dorm.

It was only me and James left.

I hadn’t been in his dorm since when we dated, it was so strange. For once, it was tidy, for example.

James opened his mouth to say something, but I was quicker.

“I’d… better go to bed. See you around in exams the coming week,” I said with a slight quiver in my voice.

“Yeah, see you,” James simply said as I rose.

“Wait,” I said and spun around as I had opened the door. “Why did you have a fight with Bryn?”

My heart was beating, curious to know what he would reply.

“I… Just didn’t tolerate what he did to you,” James said awkwardly, meeting my eyes at last.

“You know you didn’t have to do that… but… I thought you didn’t care?”

James stirred uncomfortably.

“Lily, it hurt me a lot that you broke up with me that time,” he began. “But it hurt me just as much what he had done to you.”

I felt my eyes sting, but I refused to let any tears drop. I leaned down, lighting the tip of my wand. I saw now how bruised he was.

“I don’t get it, James.. first you say that you didn’t care at all, you threw me away, running to the shelter of your girlfriend. And then you beat up my ex-boyfriend? When you said it meant nothing to you?” I said vulnerably.

James almost reached out for me, but stopped himself.

He sighed deeply.

“I care a lot about you, Lily. And I wouldn’t even have tolerated him doing that to my worst enemy.”

It suddenly struck me how loyal James was.

“Right…” I muttered, rising up and walking to the door. “Good night.”

“Good night, Lily,” James replied automatically.