So, yesterday was my sister's birthday! She turned 22.
(Yes her birthday is three days before mine, weird, right?)
But anyway, I came out to her as bigender on my birthday and she was surprisingly cool with it. Unrealistically okay with it. And of course, it was too good to be true, for my sisters to ever think of me as a boy or a their brother.
Yesterday she made a vague comment that tells me exactly how she sees my and people like me, and my other sister, who just stayed quite (and had already come out to her a few months ago).
They don''t see me as a boy, nobody really does and nobody really will. I can change my haircut and dress androgynously and I can even wear a bunch of fucking sports bras layered one after another to make my breasts less noticeable even though I don't have any dysphoria, but I need to cover them or otherwise people will just. fucking. assume. And I hate it. I hate everything I hate myself I hate the way people see my body and the way I can't be who I am because I'm too scared of being kicked out of my fucking house. I'm tired of being scared that people won't see me for who I am, that people won't see a boy, and insead a confused little girl that just needs to shut up and learn to keep her thoughts and ideas to herself. I wish I was a boy, I wish I was born a male and for people to assume that I am a boy because of that, but then the thing would be all the way around because I'm also a girl.
Deep down I know that I will never be seen for who I am. I'll never be a "real" boy.
Thank you guys so much! I've had a very bad today and I just logged on here to see all of you wishing me a happy birthday. Thank you! You're amazing! And I hope you all have a nice rest of your day/night! I love y'all