A/N: so I'll just come right out and say it: this is heavily inspired by the premise of An Abundance of Katherines, but the plotline is completely different. If you've read the book you'll know what I mean, I just want to give John Green the credit he deserved for the formula - that part was him!
Everyone loves Jily. Read, maybe review if you want, and enjoy!
"Wrong. I'm brilliant.
"No, Lils, you're mental
. Off your rocker, barking like a dog, lost every marble in the bag level of mental. I mean, I always knew you were a logic-before-emotions
kind of person, but this..." Amelia scrunched up her nose as she gave her red-headed friend a sceptical look. "This is just bloody weird
Yeah, that was about the reaction she had been expecting
Honestly, Lily didn't see what was so strange about the whole thing. After all, wasn't there some kind of study going around where scientists were trying to prove that love was a chemical reaction in the brain, not even a tangible thing
at all? Of course, these were
wizards she was dealing with - sure, transfiguring an animal into a water-goblet made complete
sense, but as soon as you tried to talk chemistry with them they blanked out.
"It's not weird, it's scientific
," she shot back with a confident grin, ignoring the confused look, one slightly resembling an owl with a head injury, that her friend sent her way.Purebloods.
"I'm telling you, I've done
it! The perfect formula for determining not only the length of a relationship, but who will break up with who, who's more likely to cheat, and who'll fall the most in love. It's bloody flawless!"
Looking like a niffler who has just stumbled upon a pot of gold, Lily waited patiently for Amy to finally catch onto the brilliance of the whole thing. She would be famous! Lily Evans,muggleborn
witch, would be famous for creating the first-ever device that would be able to predict the course of a relationship entirely, even one that hasn't even happened
, from it's start date to it's end, from who loved who the most to who would break up with who, everything
would be there.
And when she was world-renowned as a genius, with her Order of Merlin, First Class just one of her many honorary titles, she would rub it in the faces of all the nay-sayers, starting with one Amelia Darville.
"It's never going to wooork,
" Alice Arnold sing-songed from the other side of Amy, and the red-head scowled. Traitors, the lot of them! "You just don't get it because you refuse to fall in love, Lils. I mean, it's not your
fault you're a robot, but the lot of us humans would be happy to tell you that you can't just predict
love. There's too many factors, and emotions change all the time. A little thing called hormones; heard of them?"
Bloody bints thought they were so clever.
Alice, do you honestly think I haven't taken all that into consideration?" With a roll of her eyes, Lily tore the formula sheet out of her bag with a flourish and passed the parchment to her two friends, displaying it proudly for them all to gawk at. "Voila! It takes into account the gender of each person, age, height, attractiveness - on a general scale of one to ten, the value of which can be determined using the seperate formula found here..."
Pointing to the spot on the sheet where the smaller equation was scrawled, Lily couldn't help but grin at their gawking expressions. Score one for mathematics.
"Punch in all the variables, and you've got yourself a foolproof equation for love."
all this rubbish?" Amy breathed, sounding almost afraid, as Alice simply continued to stare in horror. Purebloods, purebloods, purebloods. And they think I'm mental.
"That, my dear friends, is maths. And it's one hundred percent accurate...so long as you don't make a mistake punching in your numbers, that is."
There was no way they could question her now - not when she had presented them with such solid evidence, evidence that they weren't even smart enough to understand. How could you argue something you didn't get, something you were afraid of
? Of course, she didn't say that outloud as she knew just what their retaliation would be - then how could she argue love
? - but it was entirely different.
Different because she had science
on her side, and all they had were rotten emotions. Emotions that were good for nothing and only got the brain all muddled up and confused. Confusion was a genius' worst enemy, and Lily was
a genius, or at least she would be once she was proved right.
"You gotta prove it," Alice said suddenly with a mischievous smile, giving Amy one of her just-you-wait
looks before turning her gaze back to the redhead. "And not with me and Frank, because that's just not fair. No, you gotta prove it with you
and someone. You gotta date someone that Amy and I choose, and we'll put in the numbers without letting you see - before you can argue, yes
, I know how to do maths. And then you'll have to commit yourself to a relationship with that person, and if it follows whatever pattern these formulas spit out for us, then we'll admit that you were right. But you can't know the answer, or it'll mess with the results."
Hm...well, it was tempting
. But Lily didn't really know if she trusted Alice and Amy with something as massive as her finest work - no, she would have to raise the stakes, at least a little bit.
"Admitting I'm right isn't enough - I already know
I'm right." Huffing, Lily crossed her arms over her chest and stared the two down, trying to find an appropriate punishment for them, while still being a reward for herself. "You gotta admit it to the entire school, not just by announcing it
, but by announcing it and
being my assistants for a week. Write my essays, help with my potions, anything I do you have to contribute to with one hundred percent effort."
The two both looked like they might be sick, but after a silent conference Lily was pleased to see that they would take her up on her challenge. Wonderful
. Now all she had to do was find an appropriate guy to "date", one whose company she actually enjoyed - because she wouldn't be able to tell him about the formula, but at least she could have a not-miserable time with him. That would work, wouldn't it?
"How about Remus?" she asked hopefully, eyes falling on the sandy-haired boy in the corner of the library. "He's perfect! Sweet, gentle, smart, it'd be brilliant!
But Amy and Alice were both full-on smirking now, and a sinking feeling began to emerge in the pit of Lily's stomach. They wouldn't
. There was no way her two best friends in the would would be so cruel, so heartless that they would make her...no, it was impossible.
"Not him," she begged before she could stop herself, green eyes wide as she thought of the shaggy-haired devil of her co-head, the bloke who had been ruining her life for seven years straight. "Not him, you can't
, that's just plain evil! I won't do it, I won't
, you can't make me...please don't make me!" Didn't they have hearts? Didn't they have souls?
Couldn't they feel the slightest bit of compassion for her, their best friend, when she was so clearly upset?
But no, apparently they couldn't. Looking absurdly pleased, the two were grinning at her with expressions that could only be described as immensely satisfied.
"James Potter," Amy stated matter-of-factly, although her smirk betrayed her business-like tone. "You, Lily Evans, have to not only agree to go on a date
with, but agree to be in arelationship
with James Potter and let it ride out it's course naturally. Then, only then
will you be able to prove your stupid formula right."
But she had to
It was mental.
But it was for science!
"Fine," she growled, snatching up her books as she stood, glaring at the two tittering witches across from her. "But we'll see who's laughing when you're both cleaning up my accidentally
spilled potions in class after I've made you both look like idiots!" Storming out of the library in a huff, Lily ignored the giggles of her friends, even as she could still hear them out in the corridor.
Oh, later they would see who got the last laugh.
But first, she had a Marauder to catch.