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Chapter 10 : I'm feeling sorrow but there's nothing I can do.
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“Why hasn’t she woken up yet?”
“I don’t know! You try and have a showdown with Voldemort and his minions and see if you wake up any quicker!”
The voices were hushed but they were still too loud for my ears. I felt tired and groggy, my head spinning but I opened my eyes anyway, trying to adjust to the candlelight that filled the room. Rolling my shoulders, I must have caught the attention of whoever was beside me as I noticed movement from the corner of my eye.
“Madame Pomfrey, she’s awake.”
I turned my head towards the voice, instantly regretting the movement as I cringed in pain. What was up with me?
And it was then I remembered.
The Hogs Head.
The Dark Mark.
Bumping into Sirius.
It was all coming back to me and I felt the bile rise in my throat.
“I’m going to be sick!” Within minutes there was a bucket in front of me and I emptied the inside of stomach out. Wiping my mouth, I lay back down and closed my eyes.
I was going to be in shit. Hell, I was going to be killed. If not by Voldemort and the others, then my father would gladly do the job himself.
Opening my eyes again, I saw Madame Pomfrey standing over me, a small smile on her face. I recognised it straight away. It was one of pity.
“How are you feeling, deary?”
I scoffed. “How do you think I am feeling? I have gone and got myself a one way ticket to the Avada Kedavra curse!”
My voice rose with each word until I was shouting. Madame Pomfrey however, did not flinch. Instead, she helped me sit up and then gave me a glass.
“Drink this dear, it will help with the pain.”
‘What pain?’ was what I was about to say but then I felt it. My whole body was aching and I felt like I couldn’t move any part of it. I struggled to raise the glass to my lips but I finally managed it, grimacing at the taste but drinking it all, regardless. No one ever said that something that made you better tasted nice.
Madame Pomfrey took the glass out of my hands and I watched her walk over to her desk. I could see fidgeting in the corner of my eye and I turned my head to the left of my bed, where I saw Sirius and Potter sitting on the next bed, looking at me with weary eyes.
“What are you looking at?” I tried to sound vicious but the words came out softly and I looked away, feeling embarrassed that of all the people to see me here, after what happened, was those two morons, yes one had helped me but he was still a moron overall.
“Are you okay?”
“Did you see Voldemort?”
Both boys blurted out their questions. I rolled my eyes at Potter’s question. Of course he would want to know if I had seen him. Instead, I focused on Sirius’s question.
“Do I look okay to you? I’m a dead person walking as soon as I leave this hospital wing.”
“No you’re not.” Sirius edged closer to me, taking the seat that was placed right beside my bed. “Dumbledore will protect you.”
“Dumbledore can do nothing. He can’t protect me every minute of every day. Is he going to be by my side every waking hour just to make sure I’m not attacked?”
“Not exactly Miss Martinez, although that would be my answer if I did not have an entire school to run.” I watched as Professor Dumbledore appeared at the door, the usual smile on his face and beside him, Professor McGonagall, who looked as worried as ever. They walked towards me and I looked away, completely embarrassed to be here. I hated looking weak and here I was in a hospital bed, you couldn’t get any more pathetic.
“How are you feeling?”
That was the third time I had been asked that question and I snapped.
“Stop asking me that bloody question!” My voice echoed through the whole wing. I felt the tears coming to my eyes and I turned to Dumbledore, who still had that infuriating, kind smile on his face. What was there to smile about?
“I’m sorry, Miss Martinez, I admit it was a silly question. So, we’ll get down to business.” I nodded and watched as he sat on the end of the bed.
“Mr Black, Mr Potter, please return to your common room.” They were about to protest when McGonagall gave them a glare. “Go.”
Before the boys reached the door, I spoke up. “Black can stay.”
McGonagall looked to Dumbledore for permission and when he nodded, she shoved Potter out of the door and shut it, locking it. Walking back with Sirius, they both took a seat and they stared at me apprehensively.
“Tell me what went on, Miss Martinez, in your own time.”
I nodded and took a deep breath.
“We went out for a few drinks to Hogsmeade, for mine and my brother’s birthday. We were in The Hogs Head and everything was fine and then it wasn’t. I went to the bathroom and then there was this shift in power, I could feel it in the room and I knew then who was in the pub with us. I should have known what was going on, I was warned enough.” I avoided Sirius’ eyes as I said this, embarrassed. “And when I finally came out, he was sitting at our table. He wasn’t what I expected, I expected a monster but he looked so normal.”
Dumbledore nodded at this. “Everybody forgets he was a student not long ago.”
“Then he was telling me I was precious and how he liked precious things. Then I spotted the dead barman on the floor and then I knew I had to get out, before I ended up like the barman. Then he mentioned the ceremony and I found myself in the middle of the room, watching as my brother got the Dark Ma-“
I stopped suddenly, realising I had just handed in my brother to Dumbledore. Sensing my feelings, Dumbledore put his hand on mine.
“I am not interested in who has the Mark, my dear.”
I sighed in relief. He might have betrayed me but he was still my brother. My twin.
“As Voldemort was finishing off and congratulating my brother, I ran. And then it’s a blur. I was weaving in and out of streets, dodging countless Cruciatus and Avada Kedavra curses. I remembered being hit by a curse and being covered it cuts and blood but I carried on, heading into the Three Broomsticks to hide. Which was a big mistake because they followed me in and then there was shouting and screaming and crying. As I tried to leave Black grabbed me and then there is nothing. It’s blank.”
I put my head down, not wanting to look at anyone. “I’ve been so selfish, I've gotten so many people hurt.”
“You did something very brave, Miss Martinez, not many people have the courage to run from Voldemort.”
“Brave or stupid?” I muttered more so to myself but it was heard by them all.
“Don’t put yourself down, Miss Martinez. You acted remarkably mature.”
I nodded at McGonagall’s words but I didn’t believe them and they weren’t making me feel any better.
“So what is going to happen now?” I asked. Then I remembered Lola. “What about Lola? Is she okay? They haven’t gotten to her, have they?”
“Don’t worry, she is right outside, waiting to see you.”
I looked at him with surprise and I watched as the doors opened, in running Lola who looked all red and puffy.
“Gigi, I thought you were dead.” I managed a small smile as she launched herself on me, making me grimace in pain but it was worth it.
“You know us Martinez’, we’re not easy to kill.” She looked at me before the tears started falling. I tried to hold back my own. Wiping them away with my thumb, I made Lola look at me.
“Hey, don’t cry. I’m fine. I’m more worried about you, little lady.”
“I’m scared.” She whispered and I smiled a sad smile.
“Me too baby girl. Me too.”
Dumbledore cleared his throat and both Lola and I turned to look at him. “I must leave now Miss Martinez but I can assure you, you are in safe hands here. There will be at least 2 aurors on the door at all times. I will back to see you in the morning. Sleep well, Miss Martinez.”
I nodded and let go of Lola, who I knew had to go back. “Where is Lola staying?”
“In the Gryffindor Tower, it seems she is a well liked student at Hogwarts, which makes it a lot easier.” I smiled at Lola, who blushed.
“A Martinez who is liked by Gryffindors. Who would have thought it? Now go one, you need to sleep. I will see you tomorrow, okay?” She nodded and she reluctantly took a step back from the bed. “Love you Lo.”
“Love you too, GiGi.” She turned to leave but then looked back at me. “I’m with you 100%, whatever happens.” I nodded and smiled as she left the room, tears still glistening in her eyes. As soon as the door shut, I shut my eyes and sighed, my breath shaky.
“You had me worried Martinez.” A deep voice made me open my eyes and I tensed before remembering Sirius was in the room with me.
“Why are you still here?”
“I said I would stay the night, Dumbledore said it was a good idea.”
I nodded and said no more. Sirius was the last person I wanted here with me. I couldn’t take the smugness and the taunts tonight, I wasn’t in the mood to fight back.
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
I scoffed and turned my head to face. “You’re only glad so you can say ‘I told you so’. Might as well take your chance now or would you rather do it in front of your pig-headed friends?”
I was lashing out but I couldn’t help it. I was frightened and I hated it and the last thing I needed was to seem weak and pathetic in front of Sirius. I would never live in down, not in my mind anyway.
“I don’t know why I even bother. You don’t appreciate anything, do you? I saved your life last night or have you forgotten that part?”
I put my head down in shame. He was right. He had saved me and here I was giving him grief.
“I’m know. I’m sorry.”
My voice wasn’t loud but it felt like it echoed in the room, like the whole place had gone silent just so it could hear me apologise. I didn’t look at him to gage his reaction, I simply played with my hands which were resting in front of me. They were far more interesting.
“It’s okay, I und-“ He caught himself before he could finish the sentence and I was glad of it. He didn’t understand, not one bit. Sure, he betrayed his family but he didn’t run from the Dark Lord, he didn’t stand in front of the Dark Lord and then escape his clutches.
I couldn’t name one other person who had. Well, one who was still alive anyway.
I was simply doomed to a life of running and live preserving because when I got out of here, there was bound to be trouble. The others, I could imagine their reactions easily.
Lucius would be utterly furious, he was probably destroying things in the common room right now, out of pure anger. He would be the first the try something, I could guarantee it, hell, I would bet my life on it. Ironic, I suppose.
Bella would be seething. She had a knack of going silent when she was simply enraged and I could just picture her, sitting in front of the fire, staring into the flames, devising ways to kill me. She would hand me over first, watch me squirm, torture me a little and then put me out of my misery. She was sadistic. It was no wonder she had eyes for only the Dark Lord, they were a match made in hell.
Evan was no doubt punching everything he came into contact with. He was physical like that. If he caught me, he would do the dirty work with his hands, there would be no use for his wand. I could bet that I wouldn’t look anything like I do now when he was finished with me.
Pedro would be quiet. I’d like to think he would be feeling some sort of guilt but I couldn’t be so sure anymore. He was probably getting a hard time from Father, who would have been first to know. And he was most likely taking his rage out on Rayne, who would be upset about the whole thing. And frightened.
And then there was Bas. Knowing Bas, he wouldn’t be angry as such. He’d know why I did it and I think he would respect me for protecting Lola but I knew that me running would hurt him deeply. It was the end for him and I. There was no chance between us now I was a traitor.
I shuddered at the word. I had long used it as an insult to Sirius but now I was one. It felt like a dirty word and it didn’t roll off the tongue well.
I didn’t like it.
“What are you thinking about?”
Brought out of my thoughts, I didn’t look at Sirius as I replied. “I was thinking about the others, how they’d be reacting right now. I decided Lucius will be the first to attack, the slimy git. And Bella would –“
I stopped mid sentence.
I had used that word not long ago but I couldn’t place it. It was in an argument with Lucius but I didn’t know when exactly. And it was in the common room because I cold picture the fire and the green cloth around the room. Realisation then dawned on me as I began piecing the information together. I had caught him plotting with my brother, I called him a slimy git and told him I wouldn’t be meeting the Dark Lord.
And then he crucio-ed me.
Sirius and Remus had been right all along. They had hurt me. Lucius and my brother and Rayne. She had clearly done a memory spell on me.
“They crucio-ed me, in the common room. I didn’t fall down the stairs. They all lied.”
Sirius said nothing as I took the information in. Everything had been a lie. I couldn’t trust one of them and I cursed myself for taking this long to realise it.
“I’d like to go to sleep now.”
Sirius called Madame Pomfrey over and she gave me another horrid concoction but I knocked it back and turned my to Sirius, closing my eyes hard.
I just wanted to forget everything.
And then I did.
A/N: 2 chapters in a row! I'm trying to redeem myself. Uni is nearly over so there will be more chapters coming your way until at least the end of January. Hope you enjoy this!
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