I am deathly afraid of commitment.
My palms get sweaty and my stomach contorts and I just…panic.
I’ve dated before, small, inconsistent, feeling-less trains meant to ship me off to a world unknown.
Nothing that got me to feel anything; no one set a match to that little drummer boy’s end.
Saturday, November 7
Until I met him.
I’ve always loved autumn; the colours, the smells, the joy.
With holidays readily approaching, man-kind just seems so much more cheerful.
My high-heals click upon the pavement as I stop inside a shop for a quick coffee.
I sit down at a table and pull out a book. Mindlessly reading the words and listening to the clatter behind me. A young couple, no more than seventeen, is breaking up. I cringe at the words, harsh tones and soft cries. The girl is begging, and really they make quite a scene so I leave before my drink arrives.
I walk down the path quickly, aimlessly. Saturdays are lonely. Sundays are rest full. Weekdays are busy. Repeat. That seems to by life nowadays. But am I really surprised? This is how it’s always been. When I was in school it was just me and mum and dad, while the others were out in Scotland being “magical”.
I used to wonder if my life had a purpose but I soon learned not to ask questions I didn’t want to hear the answer to.
The wind kissed my skin, blessing me with shivers down my spine, as I pulled my coat closed, gritting my teeth.
I stumble inside of a book shop, craving a good indulgence. Starting down the first aisle, I run my fingers down the spines of the books, taking in the smells of new pressed books. I close my eyes and listen to the soft music playing over the intercom. Picking a book at random I went over and sat on the cracked leather arm chair.
I take in the words like they are drugs feeding off the characters when I hear a small cough. I tear my eyes away from the book and tilt my head up to see a man with raven black hair sticking up in every which direction, stark contrast to my sleek blonde tresses.
“Hi, sorry, I was, sorta, uh, sitting there.” He stumbled over his words, clearing his throat at the end.
I looked down to see a coffee mug on the side table and a briefcase propped against the chair.
“Oh, my goodness, I’m sorry…” I began to gather my purse and stand up.
“Don’t… it suits you” He had a small smile on his face. I smiled awkwardly, not really knowing what to do next.
The man retrieved his belongings and sat in the chair across from me; he took a sip of his coffee and pulled out his laptop. He looked up to see me staring at him, and gave me questioning look.
“What’s your name?” I blurted. I felt a blush creep up upon my face, my cheeks getting hot.
“Lydia.” I smiled and he returned it before going back to his work.
My head ducked down as the words tumbled on the pages before me.
Hands danced around the clock and the next time I looked up, James was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief as I walked up to the counter to purchase the book.
The clerk smiled at me, “Is it hot in here? You look a bit flushed.”
My eyes widened and I stumbled over my words. “Uh no, I just um. Yeah.” The clerk gave me a look as I handed over the money, grabbed my book and walked quickly out of the shop.
I quickly walked back to my apartment thankful for the wind whipping against my cheeks.
A/N - Editted as of 14-4-13. Currently undergoing non-major rewrites.
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