Chapter Image by inspector. @ TDA
My baby girl, my poor baby girl. I've lost her, I've lost my lovely Lily. I will never be able to see her again, see her smile, hear her laugh, hold her close. My lovely Lily, gone.
Maybe if I knew I could have stopped her. Maybe if we talked more, maybe if I noticed the way she became distant, quiet and shy. I should have known, that was not my Lily. My Lily was always happy, always smiling. She could always light up a room.
I remember the day I found her, pale, limp and lifeless lying on her bed. Her grey teddy bear clutched in one hand, the empty white bottle in her other and a letter on her chest.
I don't think I've ever screamed so loud or cried so much. I hate them for taking my daughter away, I hate them for taking her future and her life. It felt like my heart had shattered, I had failed as a mother. It was my job to protect my children and I failed, I lost my daughter. I looked down at the letter in my hands, the very same that I had found that day with Lily. I looked down and read her neat swirly handwriting:
To all of you who mean so much to me,
I really don't know what to say, but I've had enough. These past few months have been too hard. All the name calling, the fights, the punches. I've had enough of this life and I want to move on but I can't. I would never be able to stand it, knowing I have another two years with those people. This is the only escape, it's the only way.
Mum, I will always be your lovely Lily. Your baby girl and your darling daughter. But now it's time for you to move on, I don't want you to be sad, so please don't cry. I hate it when you cry. Dad, I will miss the way you always try to make me laugh. All the trips to Godric's hollow and the stories from your past, they will stay with me forever and I will never forget how you saved the world. Albus, my big-little brother, you made me laugh, you made me smile but sometimes you could be annoying as hell. I'll miss you trying to cheer me up and the way you you made me feel like I was the most prettiest girl ever and I'll never forgot the times you allowed me to dress you up like a girl. James, my oldest brother, I will never forget you, your obsession with quidditch or even the way you teased me.I know you never meant it and I love you. Teddy, you were worse than James with your over protectiveness and I still can't believe you said that you wouldn't let a boy date me until I was thirty. I love the colour of your turquoise hair and I love that you were my god-brother.
Nana, Granddad, my aunties, my uncles and all you cousins, I love you lots and I'm gonna miss you in each and every way. From the top of your head right down to your toes.
Just one thing, make sure everyone wears at least one item of pink to brighten the day.
Please hold your tears and spare me a thought, don't think of sadness but of the happiness I brought.
Don't ever forget me. Love you always,
Lily Luna Potter xxx
I saw the big wet splodges which my tears had made, this isn't what Lily would want. Like she said, 'hold your tears' and 'think of the happiness'. I remember the day we brought her home, James and Al were so excited at the thought of having a baby sister. I was so glad Lily was a girl, I thought that I would be like my mother and have to have six boys before I got a girl. Third time lucky, I guess.
I wiped away my tears with my sleeve and looked around the room, Lily's room. The bubble-gum pink walls, her bookcase overflowing with romance stories. Her bed, in which I am sat on, still has the same bedding as the day I found her, teddy bear in hand, looking so innocent. Nothing in this room has changed since that day, except for the thin layer of dust has rested on top of everything.
I carefully fold the letter, placing it in my cardigan pocket as I got up from her bed. I crossed her room and shut the door without looking back. I leaned against the closed door and shut my eyes, wishing for Lily to come running up the stairs.
"Ginny, why aren't you dressed?" came a voice.
My eyes snapped open and I saw my husband, Harry looking at me with a worried look on his face. He was already dressed in black trousers, white shirt and a pink tie. My lips went to smile at the sight of his tie, but I stopped and I felt tears cascading my cheeks.
"Hey," Harry said pulling me into his arms. "You can smile, the pinks for her, for Lily. Just like she wanted."
"I know," I sniffed as I pulled away from him, "It's just I don't want to smile, I want to see her smile, I want her here with us."
He took my hand and squeezed it. "I know Love, so do I. Go and take a shower and get dressed, I'll make sure the boys are ok."
I nodded and walked towards our bedroom as he made his way up the stairs to the third floor where James and Al's bedrooms are. I have to get through today, I have to. I went and took a long hot shower, letting my tears mix with the water before getting out and wrapping myself in a white fluffy towel.
I opened my wardrobe and sighed, When she was younger Lily loved trying my clothes on and dressing up. My sweet little girl, walking around in my old Holyhead Harpies uniform and high heels. I smiled at the memory and pulled out my black dress.
It took barely ten minutes for me to put my dress on and to do my hair and make-up. I left mine and Harry's room in search of him. I went downstairs but found no one except for the flowers and cards that people had sent, I left the room quickly not wanting to cry again. Thinking Harry must still be upstairs, I went right to the top of the house.
I was right in thinking he was still up here, because I found him sat on the floor outside Al's room.
He stood up when he saw me, I moved closer and he whispered, "Al's refusing to leave his room."
I nodded and went over to Al's door and knocked. Taking a big breathe I said, "Al it's me. I know you don't want to go, I don't either. But today we have to say goodbye to Lily or we'll never do it." I paused and heard Al blowing his nose, "Let me in, please."
I waited and the door opened, Al was stood there in black trousers and a short-sleeved pink shirt. The shirt Lily had bought him for his birthday last year, the shirt she bought for him just two short months ago.
I pulled my eight-teen year old son into my arms and stroked his hair like I used when he was little.
"I can't do it mum, I can't say goodbye. I don't know how."
"We have to be strong today, for Lily. You know she wouldn't want us to be upset." I told him. Al pulled away and I looked in his green eyes, "Just remember she'll always be with in our hearts."
He smiled a little, "Thanks mum." he said with a hug.
"We have to leave in ten minutes."
He nodded and went back to his room. I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen, heading straight for the drinks cabinet. I poured myself a glass of red wine and then drained it just as Harry and the boys walked in. James looked worse than Al, he had bags under his eyes that were slightly red and looked really pale.
"Are you ready, love?" Harry asked.
I nodded, "Nearly, I just have to get my coat and shoes."
I walked into the hall and slid into my black heels before pulling on a long-sleeved pink cardigan and my black coat just as the doorbell rang. I knew it was time, time to go and say goodbye to my Lovely Lily.
Harry came out and answered the door, since I seemed to be frozen on the spot. From over the man's shoulder, I saw it, I saw the car containing Lily's coffin. My beautiful Little girl, with her red ringlets and chocolate brown eyes was lying there on her own. I suddenly had the urge to run over and open it up, to see her face one more time, to hug her one more time. I shook the thought from my head, I can't break down, I have to be strong.
I saw my mother and father were already in the car, mum had a hanky in her hands and was dabbing at her eyes. I felt a warm hand in mine and realised it was Harry's, as he guided me towards the car.
It wasn't a long drive to the church in Godric's Hollow and when we arrived I saw how many people had loved my Lily. I saw people inside the church, people stood right at the back and even outside. My Lily was Loved by so many, with her smile that could light up a room.
I watched as James, Al, Hugo, Louis, Freddie and Teddy carried her in, their sister and their cousin. The flowers on top were in shades of pink with hints of white and another that spelt out Lily in white Lily's. Harry held my hand tightly as we walked behind them. I barely noticed Harry guiding me into my seat because my tears were coming thick and fast, blurring my vision.
The vicar then started the service, "We are here today to celebrate the life of Lily Luna Potter. She was a lovely girl, kind, caring and always had a smile on her face. I had the pleasure of knowing her, she carried sunshine with her and people always smiled when they saw her, Always helping others. I remember one time she brought cookies that she had made to give out to the homeless..."
I didn't hear the rest, I focused on her, my Lily. I heard the vicar say that someone was going to speak but I didn't hear who until I moved my gaze from Lily. Albus, he was stood where the vicar had been, a crumpled piece of paper in his hands.
He turned back to look at the coffin before facing the front, "Lily, you were my little sister, my favourite sister, my only sister. I can't believe your gone, I wish you were here right now, you'd know what to say. It took me ten times to write this for you and yet I still don't know what to say." I saw him hold up the crumpled paper. "Lily, I love you and I'll always protect you no matter where you are. I miss you with all my heart, Love you Lil." He said softly looking back at the coffin.
I stood up wanting to say something as well. I looked around at the faces looking at me, family and friends. I saw Lily's two best friends holding each others hands, tears rolling down their faces, I saw Rose and Hugo and my other nieces and nephews crying, holding each other's hand for support.
I took a deep breath and said, "My baby girl was taken from me, there were certain people who mad her life hell which is why she took her own. I will never forget that, I will never forget what they did to her. Lily was always happy, always smiling. She was my daughter and I love her no matter what. In the letter she left she wrote 'Please hold your tears and spare me a thought, don't think of sadness but of the happiness I brought'.
She wouldn't want us to be sad, Lily didn't do sad. She brought so much happiness and I want her to remembered for it. I want Lily to be remember, don't ever forget my baby girl." I walked over to her coffin and whispered, "Night, Night my Lily bear."
Once I sat back down, I didn't pay attention to the rest of the service. I only had eyes for Lily. My mind thinks of the day she told me she wanted to get married here, a big white wedding with all eyes on her. I'm keeping that promise, I thought, all eyes will be on her today, just not for the right reasons.
I shouldn't have had to enter this church today, this church should be happy, joyful and excited. Myself and Harry would walk Lily in her big white poofy dress down the aisle. Everyone would have their eyes on her and say how breathtaking she looks. I shouldn't have to be here saying how she wanted to be remembered or how they shouldn't forget her.
Harry guided me over to the car once it was over. On the way to the cemetery he asks, "You okay?"
I shrug, I don't know if I'll ever be ok again. I've lost my daughter, my little lucky charm.
The cemetery was quiet and lifeless. I shivered as I felt something fall on my face, I looked up and saw that it was snowing. White flakes were slowly falling down and I smiled, Lily loved winter. She loved the snow, the food and Christmas, especially Christmas.
I watched as they lowered Lily's white coffin into the ground, I threw some of the earth on top along with a white Lily, a letter that I wrote to her and a few pictures so she would know we were always with her. The snow flaked rested on top and I knew she would have liked that
With a final look, I walk away back to the car. Lily's gone, gone to a better place. What could be better than being surrounded by her loving family and friends, I thought.
That night I went into Lily's room, picking up her teddy bear 'patchy' off her bed before going to sit on the window seat. I watched the snowflakes fall and hugged her teddy, breathing in Lily's smell. I sat there for ages, looking out and wishing things were different.
I have to stop this, Lily isn't here anymore, I have to remember that. Lily may not be here in person but she's here in my heart and in my mind and even in this room. Her bed, her clothes and even her old toys. I got up and left the room with patchy still in my hand.
Harry was already in bed when I slipped under the quilt. I felt his arm go around me and he whispered, "Love you."
I whispered "Love you too." and held patchy close to me.
It's been fourteen days since I found Lily and today is the day I have had to say goodbye. Today is another day that I will never forget, I will never forget the twenty-sixth of December ever again. That day will be imprinted in my mind forever.
Christmas will never be the same to me again. Christmas will be the time I lost my lovely Lily.
A/N Just a little one-shot I came up with the other Friday night, I was kinda crying when I was writing it as it's not really like anything I've wrote before so reviews/thoughts would be appreciated.