Chapter 7 : Always Hurting.
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I can’t believe I had to relive my worst nightmare in front of James.
This could not get worse.
It’s been a few days since my nightmare and I keep having them and James is still upset I didn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him though. He would hate me. It was all my fault it happened anyway. Only Daddy knows. He told me it wasn’t my fault but I think it is. Isn’t that what everyone thinks after it happens?
“James stop looking at me like that.” I tell the brown eyed boy sitting beside me in the library.
“You gotta tell me Matts please?”
“Tell him what?” Asks a flustered Dommie, her hair and skirt all fucked up and her buttons to as she sits on my other side.
“Dom learn to dress properly. And nothing!” Snaps James, surprising me I thought he would have dobbed on me. With that James abruptly leaves, giving me a face that says ‘this isn’t over’
“What is up his arse?”
I just shrug and continue with my Charms homework. It’s a struggle because all I can think about is James and my nightmares.
“Probably just Quidditch.” Dom mumbles to herself. If only she knew.
“C’mon Mattie. Time to go to the pitch.” James taps me on the shoulder as we sat at the Gryffindor table the morning of the Ravenclaw vs. Huffelpuff Quidditch match.
“I don’t wanna James I just wanna go back to the dorm.”
“Mattie you have to come! It’s the first match of the year!”
“Yes, but it is also the middle of October you twit! Now excuse me.” I say as I get up from the Gryffindor table.
Argh I will kill that boy. Neither of us has done anything on the war. Not since my nightmares like a month ago! Argh! Stupid Potter.
“Stupid Potter.” I mumble under my breath.
“Ooo trouble in paradise?” I hear a bemused voice behind me. I turn around whipping my wand out of my pocket as I turn to see that the person who was following me is Flint. Fucking great! Just what I need.
“Fuck off Flint before I dock points form Slytherin.”
“Now, now can’t we have a little chat?” He sneers.
“No. Now kindly piss off and crawl back into whatever hole you came from.”
“Ooo not very nice are we? I think it’s time you learnt how to respect me Finnegan!” He snarls. He starts to push me up against the wall trapping me by putting both hands against the wall next to my head.
“Piss off now you dirty little cockroach! Don’t fucking touch me.”
“I told you I always get what I want Finnegan. I never lose.
Oh god please help me! James c’mon!
“Now now, why the tears my little sugar?” He asks as wipes away my tears, pushing my hair behind my ear.
“Flint you have ten seconds to get off of me 10..9..8..7..6..5”
“Why would I want to do that?” He asks as one of his hands travel from my face down my body.
“Now why would Potter let a pretty thing like you out of his sight?” He asks as the other hand caresses me face.
I watch as Matts walks away with a furious look on her face. I notice that Flint has been watching her for the past month, and all morning and it’s starting to get to me.
He gets up and walks out of the Hall after Matts. Fuck. This is not going to happen.
I take the Marauder’s Map out and search for her dot. There it is, being cornered into a wall by Flint.
“Fuck.” I chuck the map to Al and race out of the Hall.
Matts, I am not going to let this happen to you! As I reach them I hear Matts sobbing and I see Flint touching her. I send a Patronus to Neville and Minnie. “Come quick Mattie in trouble by the marble staircase. HURRY!”
“Now why would Potter let a pretty little thing like you out of his sight?” He asks her as one hands caresses his face and the other is touching her where no one should touch her but me.
“Please stop it! Now. Flint! Let go of me!”
Okay I have had enough!
“FLINT!! Let go of her right now you disgusting pig!” I yell at him he turns around with a sneer on his face.
“Took you long enough Potty. She has a very nice figure you know one I would love to keep touching now get out of here, before you regret it!”
“JONOTHAN FLINT! LET MISS FINNEGAN GO IMMEDITALEY!! STEP AWAY FROM HER AND PUT YOUR WAND ON THE GROUND!” Yells Neville and Minnie is trailing after him with a look of disgust on her face.
Flint does what he is told and Matts runs to me wrapping herself around me crying. “I need to talk to you.” She whispers.
“Okay. Shh it’s okay I am here now Matts.”
“Disgusting foul behaviour. Should be expelled.”
“Why is that Professor McGonagall?” Asks Flint innocently. God I want to punch him.
“You know perfectly well why Flint now to my office! At once! James take, Matilda to the Head Dorms, Neville, myself and your parents will be there soon.” Minnie adds to us.
I glare at Flint as he walks past. “I am not done with her.” He whispers for me to hear him.
I wait until he is out of sight. To start walking to the Heads Dorm. Still carrying a sobbing Matts. As I walk up the staircase I see Albus and Scorpious waiting for me with the map.
Al sees me first and stares wide eyed at Matts and I. I shake my head slightly.
“Keep the map Al, I will get it back later. Tell the others nothing just say that she has a stomach flu and I have to stay with her please? Al please?” He just nods.
“Get Rosie and Dommie and the boys to come up after dinner Scorpie Worpie you and Al as well.” Says Matts with a huskier voice. “Please?”
Scorp looks at me, I just nod my head.
“Sure thing Australia.” Al and Scorp smile weakly before leaving us alone.
It took longer than usual to get to the dorms but it didn’t matter because she had stopped crying a little bit.
“Here you go Matts.” I laid her down on the couch
“James stay with me please. I need to talk to you.” She whispers.
James laid me on the couch and sat in front of me holding my hands and kissing them every now and then.
“James, I have to tell you something. About my nightmares, you have to promise you won’t hate me for it though. Cause I need you right now. I know that instead of all this serious bull shit we were supposed to be having fun and we still haven’t organised a Hogsmeade trip for crying out loud. Because you have been worried about me and I have been miserable and not talking. Don’t hate me.” I plead.
This is it. I am telling him
“When I was in fifth year at the Academy I was dating a seventh year Reece Rays, the most popular guy at school. We had been going out for two months a record for him and my first ever relationship. I was ‘in love’ I was sure we were going to be together forever. So when our third anniversary came along he decided it was time for us to have sex. I didn’t want to-“
This is where I start crying again. James picks me up and puts me on his lap and just soothes me.
“Oh god. H-hh-he said I had to and then h-hhh-ee-he laid me on the ground and put this spell on me where I couldn’t move but I could yell out and feel everything, like the full body bind but I could still talk and feel. He- he raped me.”
“Shhh. Matts it’s okay. I will protect you. Always. I love you.”
“He got me pregnant.” I felt James grip tighten.
“You have a kid?”
I shook my head. This was easier than I thought telling James, he is easy to talk to.
“No he uh, he uhm. He killed it by pushing me down the stairs at the Academy. I was only two months but somehow the school found out. I was an outcast after that, I only had three friends they didn’t know he raped me though only one did. Troy, he is sort of like Al. Understands everything.”
James tugs me closer holding me so tight. It doesn’t hurt though. It’s comforting. Like he is always there.
Even though I am re-living a part of my past, and a horrific part at that, and I just got man handled in the corridor, I feel so much better than I had in years. All because of this wonderful boy who is holding me in his arms, my best mate. Making me feel loved, like no one has made me feel before
“Is that it?” James asks kissing my cheek. I shake my head.
“Tonight I wanted to cry and fall apart because I thought you would never come and save me. I really want the war to continue only when were both ready though. Promise?”
“Baby we signed the paper did we not?” He grins. Though it’s forced.
“I feel so much better Jimmy. Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too.” He kisses me again leaving another fire where lips met skin.
“Kiss me again please.”
“I need someone else’s touch lingering instead of his. Please?”
James obliges, kissing me everywhere but the lips lightly touching my arms and nowhere else. Always hesitant.
“I will tell you if I am uncomfortable Jimmy.”
He stops looks at me and says “You’re the only one who gets away with calling me Jimmy you know?”
“I know. Just like you get away with calling me Matts.” I grin at him.
He is about to kiss me again when RAP RAP.
“Someone is at the door Jimmy. It can’t be Minnie and Uncle Neville already could it?”
“James Sirius Potter open the door! So I can see my future-bloody-daughter-in-law!” Yells a familiar woman . Me and James start laughing at Ginny; I forgot what it felt like to really laugh in the last few weeks.
“Gin really? C’mon, don’t get the boys hopes up. Mattie is to pretty for him.” Says another familiar voice. Uncle Harry.
“Oh really Harry? So wasn’t I as pretty as Mattie at her age?”
“Oh no Dad is gonna be murdered.” Says James. I am still laughing at Uncle Harry and Ginny. Merlin love them.
“No you were prettier. I was more handsome than James, that’s what I am saying. Yeah.” Says Harry confidently.
“I can practically hear Ginny’s eyes roll.” I whisper to James.
“MATILDA GINERVA AND JAMES SIRIUS! OPEN THIS GOD DAMN PORTRAIT!!”
“Really Gin? Yelling at the door again?” Says an amused voice Uncle Ron! Hahah!
I reluctantly get off of James and go and open the portrait to see Uncle Ron covered in bat boogies and Uncle Harry on the floor laughing and Ginny and Hermione glaring at their respective husbands/brother/best friend.
“Uhm hey everyone. What’s going on?” I say, at my voice everyone turns around.
“MATTIE!!” Mione and Ginny yell together sweeping me up into a hug.
“Oh god are you okay!?” Ginny demands cupping my face in her hands like at the start of summer.
“Yeah I am fine. James made me all better.” I say smiling at Ginny. She lets go of my face and I walk back to James who is still on the couch looking at his family with an amused expression on his face. As I sit down he throws his arm around me and kisses my head. At that point I forget that his parents and Aunt and Uncle are in the room.
It’s just us.
“James come and give me a hug!” Demands Ginny as Harry walks over to hug me. I get up again with James and hug Harry.
“Hey there Uncle H. You didn’t have to come you know?” I say to him, he looks at me with a hurt and incredulous face. “Please don’t tell daddy, it almost happened again.” I whisper in his ear as we hug. Yeah Dad told Uncle Harry.
“Of course we did. You’re as good as our daughter! Plus Seamus is still away, I promise I won’t. I don’t know about Minerva though.” He kisses my forehead and greets his son. James and I both sit down together again in silence. Mione is making tea with Ginny and Ron and Harry are talking about Quidditch when Minnie enters the room.
“Hello all. Good to see you. Now Matilda, Flint has been expelled and has been taken to Azkaban, James has been awarded a Service to the School award, for acting rationally by sending a patronus to Neville and myself, and for not cursing Mr. Flint whilst waiting for our arrival. Matilda if you need counselling I will speak to Poppy. You look better than you did an hour ago.” Minnie says with a slight smile.
“Thanks Minerva.” Harry says getting to his feet to give Minnie a hug.
“Well I must be off, the Quidditch match is nearly over. Ronald, Hermione, Ginny and Harry your children have been told you are here and also Scorpious Malfoy, Seamus Thomas and Dominique and Fred have been told as well. I thought best not to worry Roxanne, Louis and Lucy as they are not immediately involved. Good afternoon.” And with that Minnie left us all shcoked at her dissmissal.
“Well son, good job. Though you are 5 years older than me and Ron were when we got our Service to the School awards.” Winks Harry.
“Shut up dad.”
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