Chapter 1 : Birthday Gift
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I miss his hands. I miss his eyes. I miss his scent. I miss everything about him. I know that he wonít stay here for much longer; I know he had made plans with Hermione and Ron. Despite my feelings of longing, and despite the fact that I feel left out, I understand that he has to leave. I understand, but it doesnít make it any more bearable. It still hurts.
Why is it that it just has to be him? Sometimes I dwell on the unfairness. Why Harry, my Harry? And yet, would he be my Harry if it wasnít for this? Would he still be the same? But it isnít the hero I love, not the Boy who Lived. I love the real Harry. The one with messy hair, who sometimes is so unsure about himself. I love him, and I miss him. I miss his voice. And his arms. I miss everything about himÖ Oh, here I go again. But I really do miss him.
Iím going to give him his birthday present today. Iíve been thinking of that for a while, and Iím sure now. Iíll never ever regret this, no matter what the consequences may be. Yes, Iím nervous. I donít know how he will react, especially not since he officially broke off our relationship. But Iím determined, and I want this to happen.
There were times this spring when we got close to it when we were snogging at Hogwarts. We were kissing madly and we were running our hands all over each other. He had his hands inside my shirt a few times too. But we never did more than that, which felt perfectly all right at the time, seeing that we just had got together and all that. I miss it. I miss him.
But things have changed, and I know that we donít have much time left. He will be gone soon, and Iím fully aware of that he may not live thorough this war. That thought is eating me, ripping me apart, actually. I love him, I miss him. Iíll always love him and miss him.
I know very well what my mother would say if she knew. Or my brothersÖ Well, it isnít their decision to make, really. And Iím certainly not going to ask for their advice.
Today is his birthday, and heís sleeping in my house. Iím sitting in my room, and Iím waiting. I intend to surprise him today. Iíll catch him off-guard, here in my room. I donít care if we are or arenít officially a couple right now. I intend to go all the way today, and there is nothing holding me back. Iím going to tell him that itís a birthday gift, but it isnít really. Iím not giving me to him. Iím taking him, because I need him. I need him, I need this. I need his love to survive the future. If he's going to die, part of me will die too. This may be our only chance in this life. I'm never going to regret my decision.
Iím sitting by my window, and Iím waiting. I can feel the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach, but I donít change my mind. I really want this to happen. I can hear him in the stairs now, and I open my door and call for him.
I canít take my eyes off him when he comes into my room. Here he is, my Harry. I look at him intensely as we make some nervous conversation. I canít help feeling a bit scared of how he will react, but then I look into his face and I see the man Iím so deeply, madly, completely in love with I just decide that now isnít time for thinking. Now is time for action.
So I kiss him as I never have kissed him before. And he kisses me back with just as much enthusiasm and love. I can feel his hand in my hair and the other one on my back and we continue to kiss like there is nothing else in the world. There isnít really. Heís just as eager and willing as Iím. I can feel how heís responding to me, and Iím sure now that nothing in the world is going to stop this from happening.
And then my brother opens the door...
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