Nom-nom. Gorgeous chapter image made by Magic_Phoenix.
“Merlin, Charms stresses me out so much.” I moaned, dropping into the seat next to James and reaching for the plate of broccoli. Yes, it has officially happened, you have found someone that actually likes broccoli.
“What happened?” Fred asked through a mouthful of sausage, and I got sprayed with all the lovely crumbs and spit that came flying out his gob. Aren’t I just the luckiest ducky in the whole wide world?
“Stupid Professor Flitwick.” I put on a high voice. “Now Miss Lancaster, you have NEWTS at the end of this year, you should be able to make a pillow tap dance. Why on earth would I want to make a pillow tap dance, you stupid git? Which situation would I possibly be in when I’m older that would need me to make a pillow tap dance?”
James and Fred blinked at me for a moment.
“Well, you’ve got your knickers in a twist.” Fred said mildly, and I scowled at him.
Stupid - little - fucking - imbecile. My knickers are going to be twisted around his neck in a minute, suffocating him to death.
“Come on Summer, it was only a lesson.” James said. Do you know what I really hate about my name? I mean, I like it most of the time, but it annoys the shit out of me at the same time. You can’t shorten it at all. I mean, what could you shorten it to? Sum?
That just makes me sound like some kind of bleeding maths problem.
You can’t shorten James either, other than to Jamie, and that’s just the same length. Dominique is shortened to Dom, Penelope is shortened to Penny, Fred is already short and Connor is Con. Stupid un-shortenable Summer.
“Looks like you need to unwind later.” James murmured in my ear, the second Fred and Connor were busy eating their dinners again. Penny was off with Kane – insert boiling blood and furious glaring at innocent First Years – and Dom was hunting down Louis. Poor bloke.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked, looking sideways at him and watching the grin unfurl on his face.
“I think you know.” He smirked, and I had to hide a smirk of my own. “Gryffindor Common Room, midnight.” He bit my ear lightly and then leaned away, back towards his own dinner.
I looked up a second later and saw Connor staring at the pair of us. His eyebrows were raised so high they were almost disappearing into his blonde fringe, and his mouth was hanging open slightly.
“Dude, did you just bite Summer’s ear?” James’ head shot up to stare at his best mate, a pink flush appearing on his tanned face. Fred also looked up, but his face was free from any pink tinge.
“No. Why the fuck would I bite Summer’s ear?” James asked, and his voice was so convincing I couldn’t blame Connor for shrugging and looking back down at his dinner. That bloke should be a lawyer or something; he is that skilled at lying. Or a politician.
“Please Summer.” Insert widened puppy dog eyes and a slightly pouting lower lip from none other than Scorpius Malfoy. “Please, you did it last time.” I rolled my eyes and kept my eyes down on the homework. Scorpius leaned over the table and put his head down on my parchment.
“Pleeeeeeeeeease Summer.” And here comes the second round of pouting and extreme eyelash batting.
“Scorpius, just because I broke up with your girlfriend last time does not mean that I am going to do it every time you get sick of your latest whore.” What? The boy needs to hear the good and honest truth. And I’m still pissed off about Charms this morning.
“I know Summer, please, just this one.” And here comes some more eyelash batting.
“Fine, I’ll break up with whatsherface for you, on one condition.” Scorpius looked relieved and his face broke out into an enormous grin. I should probably take a moment to explain the whole thing with my cousin.
Well, Scorpius is what my mother likes to call a player. Yes, it is mentally scarring to hear someone over the age of twenty five saying that, I know. He dates girls like they’re going out of fashion, but he has this thing where he absolutely hates breaking up with them. I have broken up with every single girlfriend he’s ever had.
Let’s just say I’m a bit of an expert at it by this point, and I’m extremely popular with my cousin’s ex girlfriends. They all think I’m some kind of goddess, since I’m always there with a box of tissues and a bucket of ice cream. I have yet to find one of them that eats as much as Dom does.
Honestly, between Scorpius’ exes, Dom and Penny when Kane has one of his funny turns, I might as well become an official agony aunt. At least then I’ll get paid for having my ear chewed off about twelve times a week.
“Whatever it is, I’ll do it. This one looks like she might be a crier.” Introducing my cousin, ladies and gentlemen, the most sympathetic and emotional bloke on the face of the planet. Second only to Fred Weasley.
“You have to tell Rose that you like her.”
...well, this is awkward.
“Pfft, pfft...wha-what gave you the impression that I like Rose Weasley?” He said, and the way he said her name made it sound like it was the last thing he would ever do.
“Because you do
like Rose Weasley.” Yeah, I just blew that shit wide open.
You can all bow to me now.
“No I don’t. Anyway, thanks for breaking up with her for me, and I’ll see you at dinner.”
Scorpius leaned across the table, pecked me on the cheek and hightailed it out of the Library. I stood up and called after him, but the charming little bugger ignored me.
“Wait! Scorpius, what’s her...name?” I sat back down and slammed my head into my hands. Why is my life such a pathetic failure?
“He’s...he’s breaking up with me?” Random blonde chick said, shaking her – very obviously dyed – hair out of her eyes and blinking up at me. Woah, she wears way too much mascara. I’m surprised she can even lift her eyelids up.
“Yes. Scorpius just thinks that he’s not ready for a relationship with someone as amazing as you. He just thinks that you can find someone better.” And if believe that, you’re actually as dim as you look.
And this would be the point where I hand over the box of tissues, pat her on the back and offer her a comforting ‘don’t worry; we’ll get through this’ smile. As you can see, I have done this far too many times.
“Thank goodness you’re here Summer. I don’t think I could have gone through this alone.” Right, let me get this straight, you’ve been dating Scorpius for three days, and you think that you’re going to have to get over him?
These people really need to get lives.
“Scorpius doesn’t deserve you, honey. Now you can move onto bigger and better things, you can date people who will take you to Hogsmeade and
hold your hand in public. Just imagine that!” Random blonde chick blinked up and me and shot me a wavering smile.
“Yeah, I guess.” She sniffled. Lord save me. “I’ve been on the waiting list for nine months though; I’ve been waiting so long for this. And it’s only been three days.” She threw her head down onto my shoulder and sobbed unrestrainedly.
“What waiting list?” I asked. Nobody had ever mentioned anything to be about a waiting list
“Yeah.” She said, blowing her nose like trumpet and looking up at me. “You know, the waiting list to become Scorpius’ girlfriend.”
“He has a waiting list for people to become his girlfriend?” I said, struggling to keep the horror out of my voice. My cousin – who everyone knows I share genetic information with - really is a grade A arse.
Yeah, it’s pinned up on the board in every Common Room, have you never seen it? Oh wait, Scorpius said that he charmed it so if anyone who was related to him read it, it would just look like a poster for Chocolate Frog cards. Oh shit! He told us never to tell you about it.” She looked at me with her panda eyes and a very worried expression on her face.
“No, no...it’s alright.” I said vaguely, patting her on the head and absent mindedly handing her the bucket of ice cream. “Just get stuck into that, it will make you feel better.”
He has a waiting list of girls to become his girlfriend? And this would be right around where I lose my faith in humanity.
“You are an arse.” I informed Scorpius, after storming along the Gryffindor table and throwing myself down into the seat opposite him. “And why are you and Al here, you’re both in Slytherin.”
“What’d I do this time?” He asked, spraying me with roast potato. Marvellous, that’s the second time in one day some bloke has sprayed his half digested food all over me. That is right about when you realise that there is something really wrong with your life.
“You have a fucking waiting list for girls to date you?!” Scorpius’ head shot up. “That is just so demeaning, and sexist, and do really think that you’re so bloody awesome people will actually get in a queue to date you? That’s just –”
“Um, Summer, honey. People do
get in a queue to date me.” He quailed under my furious glare. “I mean, um, yeah...how did you find out anyway?” I growled and clapped him over the back of the head.
“You’re such an arrogant arse.” And people know that I am actually a close relation to said arrogant arse. Marvellous.
“You have a waiting list of girls that you’re going to date?” A quiet voice said from next to Al. All three of us froze, which would have been rather comical if we weren’t in the situation we were in. Our heads swivelled as one to stare at the hurt face of Rose Weasley.
“Well, um-” Scorpius said, rubbing the back of his head and looking incredibly uncomfortable.
“That’s so, so...” Her voice trailed off as she tried to search for a bad enough word.
Trust me honey, I’ve spend the whole walk down to dinner trying to think of one, it’s not as easy as it sounds.
“Demeaning? Sexist? Stupid?” I suggested.
“Slytherin.” She finished, but the way she said left no one in any doubt that it was meant as an insult. Scorpius’ face fell, and I started to feel a little sorry for him. He may be an arrogant prick, but he is my cousin and I do love him.
And with that, Rose clambered off the bench and stalked out of the hall, her red hair rippling down her back behind her.
Scorpius slammed his head to the table.
“But I thought you didn’t like her?” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “But then, why do you look so upset that she realises what a prick you can be?” My voice was lofty and innocent, and earned me the ‘shut it now or I will kill you’ glare from Scorpius.
Cousin love, right there. Try not to be too jealous.
“I don’t like Rose.” He said. Honestly, the boy has more denial issues that bloody Joanne Ledger, who actually spent Hogsmeade walking around in the same leather look leggings she had owned in Third Year. And her arse is not the smallest. I think she may have rendered a couple of poor First Years in desperate need of serious therapy.
“Hang on, dude, do you like Rosie?” Al’s voice said, and his expression was screwed up in concentration. Alright, I love the bloke and all, but he really can be extraordinarily dim. Even for James’ brother, and that is saying something.
Scorpius and I have such mature and original arguments.
“How on earth do you have a list of girls that want to date you?”
“Shut it, bitch. Just because people actually want to snog me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you don’t snog anyone, it means there is less people for me to beat up, but there is no need for you to be a hater.”
I froze and glared at him as poisonously as I could.
“Where did you get the impression that I don’t snog people?” I asked tightly, and Scorpius’ face twisted for a moment. His eyes glimmered in anger, and Al discreetly took his knife from next to his plate.
“You have not been snogging people.” He said firmly. Honestly, I’m a year older than him and he still treats me like I’m five years old.
The Princes of Pranks and the rest of THE AWESOME GIRLS – alright, shut it. Their names are too long to list off individually – dropped down next to us, took in Scorpius furious expression and my annoyed one, and then looked slightly worried.
“What’s going on?” James asked.
“My dear cousin is under the impression that I live my life as a nun.” I said, and Scorpius glared at me.
“Summer is under the impression that I have granted her permission to snog people.” He shot back, and my eyes narrowed into green slits.
“What? Who has she been snogging?” Dom asked. I curse her to the deepest and most foul smelling pits of Hell in the hopes that she will rot there for the rest of eternity. I’m such a cheerful and just all around optimistic person, don’t you agree?
“Yeah, that’s a fucking good question. Who have you been snogging?” I hate Scorpius.
“None of your business.” I shot back. I am the epitome of maturity. All I need now is to stick my tongue out and waggle my fingers in front of my nose and I can officially pass for a three year old in a seventeen year olds body.
“Hang on, so you tell me that you go around snogging random blokes, and I know that they’re not your boyfriend because they are not in Hospital Wing with a broken face, and now you won’t tell me who you are snogging?”
“Does it really matter? Honestly, it’s not like Summer is knocked up or anything. Did you really think that she’d gone her whole life without snogging anyone?” Thank you James. Surely even Scorpius wouldn’t be dim enough to think that.
“Yes.” I stand corrected.
“You’re so bleeding annoying. You’ve actually made a list of people that you’re going to date, and I think we all know what your relationships consist of, since you’ve never taken any of them on a date, but when you find out that I haven’t been living in a hole wearing a veil and praying my whole life, you think it’s wrong? How is that fair Scorpius?” My voice was furious. Today has been TOO – BLOODY – STRESSFUL.
“You’re my baby cousin. You’re not supposed to snog anyone!” Scorpius stood up at the same time I did.
COUSIN? I’M OLDER THAN YOU, YOU FUCKING IMBECILE!” I have a tendency to get angry rather quickly, I don’t know if you’ve noticed.
“Yeah, well, I know better than you, so I’m mentally
“I don’t know about mentally older, how about just mental? And in what world do you know better than me? You bleeding fancy the pants off Rose but are either too thick to realise it or too stupid to admit it. I think in either case, it’s quite obvious I know better than you.”
Yeah, Scorpius and I tend to fight a lot. But we love each other deep down. Ahem. Way
, way deep down.
“I do not fancy Rose.” He hissed, shooting an anxious glance at Al, who looked confused.
“Denial.” I sang, and he scowled.
He opened his mouth to retort when a muffled sobbing noise distracted the pair of us. We all whirled around to stare at Penny, who was sobbing into her arms, her head lying down on the table. Dom shot me a panic stricken glance.
“Penny, honey, what’s the matter?” I asked.
Penny froze and looked up, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Her eyes were red and puffy; her lips red from where she had been biting them and a thin line of black down each cheek where her makeup had ran.
I am going to murder Kane.
I suppose I should tell you a little bit about him. I’ve been putting it off, because thinking about him makes me want to club my own head in with a Beater’s bat, but I suppose the time has come.
Kane Owen asked Penny out when we were all back in Fifth Year. He was the Hufflepuff Golden Boy. He was attractive – even I can’t deny that, unfortunately – and on the Quidditch Team, got excellent grades and was generally just charming to everyone. Dom and I were ecstatic for Penny; she’d fancied him for absolutely ages.
They’re now second in the longest relationship any of our group has ever had. First is James and Natalie – otherwise known as heart breaking bitch, but that’s just between Dom, Fred and I – who dated for three years, and second is Penny and Kane, who've been dating for a little over eighteen months.
Anyway, for the first couple of months they were good. And I mean really good. Penny would come bouncing into the dorm every night with a huge smile on her face, completely elated.
They fell in love pretty quickly. He does love her; that much is obvious, and she unfortunately loves him, as much as I’m not happy about it.
But after the first four months or so, something changed about dear old Kane. He became moody, and surly, and would go up to his dorm and only come out for lessons and dinner. He didn’t speak to Penny for nearly two weeks. She was beside herself, it was awful.
But then one day he just came down to breakfast, sat down next to her on the bench, kissed her on the cheek and started eating a piece of toast, acting as though nothing ever happened. None of us could understand what was going on, and Penny didn’t want to ask.
So can you guess who did ask? How on earth did you get that? Of course it was Fred.
Kane got quite angry and started threatening Fred, telling him that it was none of his business and that what happened between him and Penny was nothing to do with him. Penny started crying, and he calmed down.
This was when we started to realise something was very wrong with Mr Perfect.
At Penny’s request we didn’t mention him disappearing again, and everything went back to normal. He was just as sweet as usual, just as matey with Fred, Connor and James as usual and just as jokingly flirty with Dom and me. We decided that something might have happened in his family, and that we were just going to forget about whatever happened. Fred took a little longer to convince, but he eventually agreed to just let it go.
And for three whole months everything was absolutely dandy – I’ve always wanted to say that. We went home, had the summer holidays, and when we came back everything was still normal. Well, other than having to deal with the bleeding James/Natalie split.
Penny and Kane celebrated their eight month anniversary and we held a huge party in Gryffindor Common Room. They seemed like the poster couple for teenage love.
It was the middle of October, just after they had been dating for nine months, when things started to go wrong again. Kane didn’t disappear to his dorm for a couple of weeks, or start threatening Fred because he asked a question, it was just his personality changed.
He started being horrible, moody, angry, aggressive and rude for days at a time, and when things didn’t go the way he wanted he would throw things against the wall, smash things and just...he became unstable.
It got to the point where James forbade Dom from sitting with him at the dinner table, and Scorpius refused point blank to let me, telling me he would drag me away by my hair if I got within three metres of him. Normally Dom and I would have snorted and refused, but we were both quite relieved.
This went on for weeks, and things didn’t get any better. Penny tried to convince him to tell her what was the matter, but he insisted that nothing was wrong, and when she asked again he would get angry.
She wrote to his parents without telling him and asked if anything happened that she should know, anything that she could help Kane with, because he was acting like something was wrong. His parents sent a very surprised but very polite letter back, saying nothing had happened in their family.
Nobody understood what was going on.
Penny was a wreck. She would wake up sobbing and cry herself to sleep every night, yet she still refused to leave him, insisted on trying to help him, because she loved him as much as he loved her. Dom and I got more and more worried.
And then...poof. Can you guess what happened? It’s not hard.
Kane went back to normal. Again. He acted as though he’d never changed, he acted as though he hadn’t broken any furniture or ripped the picture of the six of us by the Black Lake up, just because Penny ‘shouldn’t own something that has so many other blokes on it’.
Penny begged us to act as though nothing had happened again; she was just over the moon that she had her boyfriend back after almost a month. It was sick and twisted and kept me up at night, wondering what the hell was wrong with the arsehole.
And there was another month when Kane went back to being Mr Wonderful. We were all suspicious of him, wary, avoided him if it was possible, but none so much as Fred. He avoided the bloke like the Black Plague, and only agreed not to beat him up because he was so worried that he might snap and go back to how he was before.
He didn’t want to put Penny through that again.
Merlin, it really does sound depressing now I’m writing it all down, but it wasn’t as bad as I’m making it sound. Of course, for Penny it was worse, but mainly life just went on. We dealt with Kane when we had to, and my life just carried on revolving around snogging James, helping Dom and arguing with Scorpius. You know, same old, same old.
And after a month or so, it happened again. Kane went back to being angry, aggressive and just downright violent. It got to the point where McGonagall had him removed from the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team, because he couldn’t be trusted to use a Beater’s bat. Yeah, it got that bad.
Penny didn’t take it as hard this time. I think she was sort of expecting it. He became moody again, but she didn’t go out of her way to try and help him. She just kept her distance when she thought she should.
It wasn’t healthy for her in the slightest sense.
Dom and I were worried out of our minds, because whilst Penny was convinced that he would never hurt her, we didn’t know where the line would be drawn between hitting furniture and hitting our best friend.
But after a couple of weeks – the shortest time yet – he got better. We still had no idea what was wrong with him.
And yet again, on Penny’s request – we do what that girl says far too much – we didn’t say anything. This also meant that we couldn’t drag him to the Hospital Wing and have him checked over for whatever the hell was wrong with him.
And I won’t bore you with the rest. But basically, this went on every couple of weeks, right up until now. And Penny breaking down at dinner is usually a sure fire sign that something’s gone wrong again.
Now do you see why I hate him so much?
He’s no good for my best friend. She deserves so much better.
“Not again, Penny?” Dom eventually said, and Penny nodded, her eyes streaming.
The glass in Fred’s hand smashed as he closed his fingers around it too hard.
Scorpius and I both sat back down. And to think we’d been arguing about who was ‘mentally older’ and whether or not I had a right to snog people – I do
, just saying.
“Ice cream?” I said eventually, and both Penny and Dom’s heads shot up.
“Thought you’d never ask.” She chuckled weakly.
“TO THE KITCHENS!” Dom yelled. Yes, she is a bit strange. We pretend not to notice.
I glanced at Dom’s bed, then Penny’s, then the other two snoring lumps that I like to call dorm mates that were sleeping in the corner, before sneaking out the room and down the staircase. I’ve made careful effort this time to make sure that I’m not late.
I really hope he is. I will go apeshit on his arse.
Damn, he’s sitting on the couch. Ah well, you can’t have everything in life.
I headed across the room and dropped onto his knee, putting one of my legs on either side of his, my nose practically touching his. He blinked a couple of times in shock and then grinned.
“This has officially been world’s most stressful day.” I moaned to James, and whilst he nodded sympathetically, he seemed a little more interested in staring at my mouth.
“Sweetheart, if I wanted to talk
about it, I would make you my girlfriend.” James Potter, King of the Charmers. Yeah, right.
“Well, maybe I want to talk for once.” I said indignantly. I’m not a bleeding hooker; I don’t bloody snog on command.
He put a hand on either side of my face and brought my mouth to his, tracing the outline of my lips with his tongue.
“Do you still want to talk?” He murmured, and I cursed myself for having hormones.
“Yeah?” I said, and James raised his eyebrows.
He then seemed to be struck with an idea, because his eyes lit up and a smirk twisted his face.
He ran a finger along my back and then around my waist, running it all the way up to the collar of my shirt.
He slowly undid the top button.
And it was right about now that I realised the little arse was doing to me what I did to him. And yet, having absolutely zippo willpower when it came to James, I found myself not pushing him away.
Slowly, absolutely maddeningly slowly, he ran his fingers down to the next button.
It popped open.
Oh gawd, oh gawd
“Now, you said you had a stressful day.” James said as he pulled open another button.
He leaned down and gently kissed my collarbone.
“Yeah...” I breathed.
“Is there any way I can help with that? But, you know, just talking.”
Another button. I think I’m going insane.
“Um...” I’m so intelligent.
James slid the shirt off my shoulders and down my arms, tossing it a heap on the floor.
“So, what’s been so hard about your da-” This would be the point where I slammed my chest against his and started snogging him senseless.
Nice to know I have complete control of myself.
I opened my mouth and the kiss deepened, my blood started pumping faster in my veins, my head started to spin, all thoughts of Rose and Scorpius and bleeding waiting lists, NEWTS, Kane Owen and the waste of human flesh that he is fell out of my head, and I remembered why I enjoyed snogging James so much.
He’s like my own little pick-me-up at the end of the day.
James’ hands slid up my skirt and I pressed myself harder onto his now bare chest – when did he take his shirt off?
"God you're hot." He moaned.
“Shh...” I said against his mouth, nipping his bottom lip a couple of times.
James just shrugged and pulled me deeper into the snog.
No big deal.
First off, can I just say thank you so much for the amazing response to chapter one of this story. Thirty favourites for one chapter - I'm so grateful, thank you.
Second off, I don't like this chapter. AT ALL. I was going to put another chapter of Typical Clueless Guy in the queue instead because I disliked this chapter so much, but then I thought since people were so nice about chapter one, I'd put this in.
really don't like it :(
Anyway, thanks for reading.
- Ellie :D