Chapter 58 : I'm yours
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So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours…
- Jason Mraz
Can’t say it was love at first sight.
But she certainly caught my attention at first sight. She was nothing like I had seen before, that’s for sure. She was… odd. Very honest, no sense of timing, and a really bad dancer.
She was stubborn like a mule. Later on, I noticed she even ate like one – as I said, she was nothing like I had seen before.
‘Interesting’ and ‘unique’ didn’t even cover for it.
So I can’t really say when I fell in love with her. Was it the first time she rejected me? Or the first time I saw her laugh? Or was it that frown she had on her face most of the time?
Either way, she was like a magnet which pulled me in constantly. I teased her, and said things I didn’t mean. At first, I thought it was just like a funny, little experiment – I liked to watch her reactions. She didn’t react like a normal person. When I tried to be charming, she looked almost disgusted, nauseous, and a little scared. When I tried to be scary, she looked amused.
Later on, I started to react to her, too. Physically, she was nothing like my ideal girl. She wasn’t tall or curvy. Her hair was a mess, and she even walked like a boy. For a moment, I actually thought I was gay, and this was my body reacting to a girl who looked like a boy.
But I was wrong. I realized that when we kissed during the Hogsmeade trip. I saw her as a girl, I saw her as a very interesting girl – and something about her just lured me in, over and over again.
And I realized I wanted her. The moment she reacted to my words, when I told her to not be scared, made me realize that she didn’t want to be called a coward – that’s when I realized I wanted her.
So, after what seemed like hundred years, she finally gave in, and we somehow started to date. It was interesting, for sure. The numerous times her words hurt me was totally worth the occasional times she accidentally said something remotely sweet and adorable. She wasn’t the kind of girl who said sweet things like nothing at all – so when she said something sweet, I knew it was physically hard for her to say them, and I cherished those moments.
My own friends often warned me about her, telling me to be careful – but they just didn’t know her like I did. When we were alone, it was totally different. She didn’t say much, and when she got nervous or embarrassed, she often tended to babble.
I quite enjoyed that. I liked to watch her go on about something of no importance, watch her gesture wildly with her hands, as she tried to cover up for something embarrassing she had just done or said.
At times, I wondered if she even trusted me. She very rarely told me secrets. She didn’t even tell me about her dad having an affair. I, of course, didn’t tell her I knew. I accidentally overheard the conversation between her and her mother. I expected her to tell me, but she didn’t. Instead, she took it out on herself – and I let her. I thought that was her way of dealing with things.
We went through a lot of pain. I would’ve done anything to prevent the pain she went through. I couldn’t understand why she insisted on going through it alone. I wanted to shake her, try to get her to realize that I wanted to share the pain.
When I told her I loved her, I stupidly thought she would feel the same way. I thought she would tell me she loved me too – like in movies.
That didn’t happen.
I waited for her. I knew she was worth the wait. I knew, that when she would say ‘I love you, Sirius’, it would be the most wonderful moment in my life.
She had several chances to tell me. I even thought she would say it when I least expected it, taking me by surprise, like over breakfast or while we were studying in the Library.
I started to get unsure of her feelings. Somehow, my lack of confidence got to her, and she took the chance to explode. I think she got scared – I mean, we’re talking about some serious feelings here.
But I know she loves me… not necessarily the kind of love I have for her, but I take what I can get – if I only get to be with her, walk beside her, and see what she sees.
So if I have to let go of her, I will. If it makes her happy, I will play any part of her life that she needs. Lover, friend, confidant – you name it, I will be it.
But one thing I’m sure of; there will never be anyone except Susie Q in my heart.
It was the day of graduation, and I was a mess.
The last few weeks had been a torture. Emotionally.
Susie had avoided me – not sure if it was on purpose, but she seemed a bit hyper and excited all the time.
She ran around with a flask of coffee all the time, and her eyes were bloodshot. The dark circles around her eyes were the proof of sleepless nights – that worried me.
Instead of looking annoyed with everyone as she usually did, she was talking on nonstop, not even making sense anymore.
One time she even started telling me about knitting, before running off.
Her friends – Lily, Vicky and Val – couldn’t give me a direct answer when I asked them what was going on. They weren’t so sure, either.
So on the last day as a student of Hogwarts, I couldn’t find myself to listen to Dumbledore’s words of advice. I just kept staring at the raven-haired girl who was sleeping with her head on the table, looking totally ruined.
Well, atleast she got some sleep now.
Even if I sat a few seats away from her, I could clearly detect cookie crumbles on her robes, and the drool. I snorted, as she let out a small snore, rubbing her face in her sleep.
Before I knew it, everyone was applauding as Dumbledore finished his speech. I quickly join in, and saw my friends whoop in excitement.
That’s it – we were no longer students. We were now officially adults, ready to take on the world.
I glanced over to where Susie sat, and let out a small chuckle as I saw her wake up with a start. She looked dazedly around, as if she wasn’t sure of where she was. She met my eyes, and I shook my head at her confused expression. She quickly looked away, ruffling her hair. I watched as her friends hugged her, and she grimaced.
She never liked public display of affection.
Everyone started to file out from the Great Hall, some of the students weeping and embracing each other, promising to stay in touch.
“You coming?” Prongs asked, as he stood up with the other Marauders. “We’re going to celebrate in Hogsmeade with the girls, if you wanna—“
I looked to Susie, only to see her wave to the girls as they left the Great Hall. I looked back at my best mate, and smiled a bit. “I’ll be right there.”
I noticed Moony glance towards Susie, and gave me a knowing smile. “See you both there!” he said cheerfully.
“What do you mean ‘both’?” Wormtail asked, as soon as they walked away.
I very slowly stood up, and made my way towards Susie. She remained in her seat, staring blankly into space. I had several lines ready in my head, but they all disappeared as soon as I reached her.
“Hi,” I said, and watched Susie jump in her seat, pushing over a goblet with pumpkin juice.
“Hi,” she said, quickly standing up.
We stared at each other, the silence between us getting more and more awkward. The Great Hall was now empty of all students, leaving only the two of us, and some of the professors, who were quietly sobbing at the front of the Great Hall.
“You’re the first person to sleep through the graduation ceremony in the history of Hogwarts,” I commented.
“It’s not my fault!” Susie said at once, looking alarmed.
“I won’t tell anyone,” I said, and winked.
I watched Susie’s face go blank, as she quickly looked away. A familiar blush appeared on her cheeks – the most beautiful shade, I noted.
“Look—“ I began.
“I—“ she said at the same time.
We stared at each other, before laughing awkwardly. “You go first,” I said.
“No, you,” she said, and shrugged.
“Okay,” I said, and took a deep breath. “Probably better that way…”
She raised her brows at me, her head slightly tilted to the side. “What did you want to say?”
“I…” I began, and twisted my hands nervously. As I looked at her, I noticed a small smile flash across her face, as she watched my nervousness spread through my entire body. “You know I love you,” I said, deciding to talk fast – maybe the torture would be over faster if I did so. “I always will. But… but I will let you go, if that makes you happy. Just… just don’t make me disappear form your life, Susie. I still want to be part of it, I want to be the person you can trust with your life, even if that means I have to watch you date other blokes, watch you get married – as long as you’re happy, I want—“
“Sirius,” Susie cut me off, the familiar frown appearing on her face. “Shut the fuck up,” she breathed, and before I knew it, she grabbed my face with her tiny hands, and kissed me.
For a moment, I didn’t know what to do. My eyes were wide, as she gently kissed me. She tasted just like coffee, I noticed. I blinked rapidly, as I saw something shiny appear under her dark, long lashes – tears.
She pulled away, enough to unlock our lips. Her lower lip was quivering a little, as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
It was the most heartbreaking sight. I had only once seen her cry, and that wasn’t a happy memory. I had promised to never make her cry, so this was truly killing me.
But she looked so beautiful, so gentle, so… vulnerable.
“I love you,” she whispered, her hands cupping my face.
That sure knocked the air out of me.
“W-what?” I stammered, staring at her in astonishment.
“I love you, Sirius,” she said, biting her lip. “So don’t let me go – I’m yours.”
I continued to stare at her for a moment, before I came to my senses. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tightly against me. I leaned down to kiss her, taking her by surprise.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear those words, Susie,” I murmured against her lips, as my heart hammered against my ribs.
“Sorry it took me so long,” she chuckled, burying her face against my shoulder.
I smiled into her hair, inhaling the smell of her. “It was worth the wait.”
A/N: Waah! That’s the end of it! I always planned to have the last chapter written from Sirius’ POV, since we never really know what he thought of Susie – it was quite refreshing, actually. So… I wanna thank you all wonderful readers for the amazing reviews, and I hope you all stay along for the sequel – which I will get on with :D I want to apologize to everyone who was disappointed by the ending – I just wanted it to be a happy ending, since I tend to have sad endings a lot xD
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
P.S. – Jannu, I totally fooled you! :D *runs and hides*
- Lily xxx
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