I have totally and utterly lost my mind and succumbed to insanity.
You think I’m kidding?
Nope, think again.
Yes, I Lily Evans, am absolutely without a doubt as mad as Dumbledore himself. Oh yes go run along and gossip to your little friends about how the head girl or aka head prude, and yes I hear what you say about me, is insane.
Why? I hear you ask. Because I am currently having a D&M to a wall of the Gryffindor tower, that’s why.
And to my utter dismay, the wall is not the only one listening.
Especially when my convocation topic consists of me ranting on about how my sister is a horse-faced arse who is marrying ‘Vermin’ who looks like a fat overgrown walrus!
I mean come on, a Whale could pass as a dolphin before he could pass as a normally proportioned human being. The fat fucker.
Yes, I know, I know Lily Evans said a bad word. Bad Lily! She should be punished severely.
Mmmm...Hopefully by James Potter.
W-O-W! Where the bloody hell did that come from? This just proves that I talk to myself WAY too much for my own good.
When I’m furious, 99.99% of the time this is due because of James Git-face Potter. So obviously my brain has associated FURIOUS with Potter. So naturally he had to come in there somewhere right? RIGHT!
OH MY GOD, I HAVE CLASSICALLY CONDITIONED MY SELF TO ASSOSIATE ANGER WITH JAMES POTTER!
All of a sudden the world makes sense.
Anyway back to my uninvited guest, my fiery red hair whips around trying to find the little bugger who is listening into my private conversation with the wall.
Don’t diss the wall, we go way back. He has helped me through some hard times.
Like the time whether I didn’t know whether I should wear the green or the purple dress…..
It was a serious problem okay.
"Why are y...ARGHHH!"
I love how I have absolutely no co-ordination what so ever, it is a real advantage in my life like when I fall down the rusty old steps and bang into a pole.
So not only does this person think I am insane but they now think that I can’t even manage simple tasks such as stand on my own two feet without falling over.
“Who’s out there?” I growl in my most threatening ‘I want to cut out your spleen, you little fuck face’ voice, while clutching my head due to my …eh…co-ordination mishap.
No one answers.
Well, if I was out there I wouldn’t either. I mean there is some unco-ordinated psychotic red head who has just banged her head and at this very moment is willing to kill just about anyone, who dares show there ugly face.
Yes, I have issues.
I wait, but still no one answers. Before you assume I am just hearing things and I’m not, okay. I have very good head girl hearing and can smell mischief a mile away.
And BOY do I smell mischief.
I hear footsteps, I pick up a great thick metal object that was lying next to ‘the wall’.
Why it’s lying there in the first place I have no flipping idea! I mean who leaves a huge metal object in the middle of the corridor?! Obviously a person who has shit for brains!
I’m griping it tightly and swinging it back just like my dad showed me when he was trying to teach me how to play cricket.
Yeah that’s for another embarrassing story time.
Anyway... I hear the more the footsteps draw closer.
“Lily, are you here...arch!”
Luckily Claire Harper ducks at my swing.
“BLOODY FLIPPING HELL LILY! WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN ARE YOU DOING WITH...WITH THAT!?"
Way to over react Claire.
I glance up to see if it is an acceptable answer.
She glares at me in response.
“You could have killed me Lily!”
Hey, that is a bit of an overstatement, it might have knocked her out for a couple of hours... or days, but I doubt very much that I would have killed her….
“Hey no blood no foul, am I right? am I right?”
Claire’s hands are placed firmly on her hips her eyes narrowed into an almost perfect death glare.
Nowhere near rivalled mine though
But hey not everyone can be as good as me.
“Um no, oh okay”
Claire Harper is my Best Friend….or was my best friend, I don’t know. She is short and has a petit frame, but her big blue eyes make up for her petit body because they are about the size of Jupiter. With her smooth straight blonde hair which flows down to her waist, she is the most beautiful girl in school. Unfortunately (for me) all the boys love her and her perfect hour glass figure body. She is every girl’s worst nightmare. It’s ironic that I AM best friends with her. Though, despite Clare’s exterior she is just as weird and crazy as I am. Yes you heard me correctly the girl you love to hate is secretly a spaz. Who would have guessed, right?
She rolls her eyes in annoyance.
“Lils come on let’s get you into bed.”
“No! There is someone else in here am I am going to find out who the little bugger is and then squish them like a bug!”
“Why?.... You weren’t talking to the Bruce again, where you?”
Hey, don’t look at me like that! I thought the wall needed a name so I dubbed him Bruce, which is a really manly name because a wall is really thick and sturdy. This is pretty much like every guy I know (but not all of them.)
“In my defence Bruce is a really good listener and never complains when I tell him something more than once! Unlike SOME people I know” I stare at her.
Claire is possibly the worst listener in the whole world. I’m not kidding; she unsympathetic and uninterested to listen to other people’s problems, because it is simply too much for her to handle. She is more the ‘cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it’ type of girl. Which was a nicer way of saying she doesn’t give a shit. I went through a stage of having a pet rock, it was called Steve, yeah it showed more sympathetic qualities to me than she did.
“Hmmm, maybe that’s because he is a WALL and he can’t complain!”
“Don’t listen to the mean girl Brucie, she doesn’t know what she is saying." I say, as I stroke Bruce.
“Lily Evan’s you are the weirdest Psycho bitch I have and will ever meet!”
I take that in offense since I have met her sisters!
And seriously no one could be as bad as them. They are psycho central!
“Am not!” I protest
“Let’s take a step back and re-evaluate, shall we? You talk to a wall, you call it Bruce and you don’t have any sexual urges towards James Potter. There is something VERY wrong with you!” she emphasizes.
“UNLESS, you’re not telling me something...”
Ha! The mere thought of me having any ‘sexual urges’ towards Potter is hilarious.
and disgusting now I think about it
No, scratch that just disgusting
“Come on Lil lets go, you were probably just imagining it”
Pfft, I doubt it! Now to find that little sucker.
Damn! This would be so much easier if I wasn’t such a violent Psychopath.
“Plus if you don’t leave now you will most likely bump into James...”
“Yep, I think Bruce and I are done here with our therapy session. Let’s go!”
I slowly power walk through the Hogwarts corridors getting weird looks as I pass.
Whoops, I have to remember to act at least half way sane in front of my peers.
“Well what are you looking at there is nothing to see here!’
I don’t know how I manage to do it but I always accidentally draw attention to myself for all the wrong reasons. It is one of my many useless, infuriating and stupid talents of mine. Another is catching the eye of self absorbed prats aka. James Potter.
I wonder what it’s like having a talent with potential? Like signing! I’ve always wished I could sing. So did my parents when they had to injure my constant, loud and out of tune voice around the house when I was younger and still believed that I had a future career in singing.
Aww, bless ‘em.
I grab the hand of who I think is Claire and pull them along with me passing through students in the corridor.
As I pass them I notices jaws dropping and girls glaring. Okay I know Claires beautiful but she doesn’t have the female population glaring at her in hall ways, they are WAY too intimidated by her to do that.
“Jeeze Evans, if you wanted to get me into a broom cupboard all you had to do was ask.”
Oh sweet Circe.
I rip my hand free of his and give him my famous death glare.
“You know you don’t intimidate me Evans”
Well poo. The one person I generally want to intimidate and he doesn’t even flinch.
“Don’t think you’re so special I was holding hands with Benjy this morning.”
So ha! I know for a fact this will tick him off. Benjy is my best guy friend he is made of awesome, and Potter hates his guts for a reason which is unknown to me.
If anything he should feel happy it’s Benjy because he is 110% gay and has a huge crush on Sirius Black. Which I don’t agree on because he is just a stuck up manwhore who I am 90% sure is in love with Claire. Yeah things just got complicated.
“Why would you hold hands with Fenwick?” he asks with a confused and heated look plasted on his face.
Oh, I’m so going to milk this.
“Because he is just the most fabulously gorgeous guy I have ever met!”
Wow I think that vibrated through the whole room.
“Don’t what me! I can do whatever I please, you don’t own me!”
So yeah, girl power.
“I know I don’t own you. But I just don’t want to see you to get hurt by Fenwick.”
Pffts yeah, right.
“Umm, you do know Benjy’s gay don’t you, you dolt! Seriously Potter you are living proof that man CAN live without a brain!"
He laughs wickedly “well Evans if ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
“Yeah, I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!”
Ha take that Potter.
“Say’s the girl who talks to walls!”
“Why you little ...”
I never got to finish my sentence because I was drenched in a bucket of freezing ice cold water.
I glanced up from my sopped wet state to glare a Potter with all the ferocity I own.
“Did you do this?!” I hiss at Potter and glare at him with so much ferocity even his enemies felt sorry for him.
He gulped audibly “No” he squeaked weakly with a frightened expression on his face.
Then all of a sudden, almost out of thin air Potter’s best mate, Black appeared.
“Hey ya Prongs, I was wondering if you saw who the prank hit because it didn’t hit Harp... oh”
It wasn't until I noticed both of them ogling my chest area, that the ice water didn’t actually turn out to be ice water. Instead it was some sort of potion that was turned only your clothes invisible which turned out to be my shirt.
Oh yay for life.
“EXCUSE ME MY EYE’S ARE UP HERE!” I yell lividly, my eyes narrowing on them both as I wrap my arms around my chest.
“WOW! Evans I never knew you had such a great rack” this comes from the very tactless Sirius Black.
Then there is an audible crack as my fist collided with Black’s nose.
“ Fucking hell Evans!” he screeched unintelligibly.
“Welcome to my life Padfoot” Potter says as laughs at his friends agony.
“Fuck off Prongs”
“Now tell me when will this wear off?” I say seriously (no pun intended, you’d think his parents could pick out a better name, obviously not) while grabbing Sirius by the ear bringing his face towards mine.
“Bytheendoftheday” he mumbles.
“Sorry I didn’t quite get that. Slow it down boy!”
“By-The-End-Of-The-Day!” he pushes out slowly emphasising each word.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY!”
“Aw for the love of Merlin Evans not so loud, you are going to wake up the dead!”
And there goes his jaw.
“CLLLLAIIRRRRRE!” I whine “Help me!”
We are sitting on my bed in heads dorm. Well actually I am lying down and Claire is sitting down at the end of my bed doing her nails.
“Buck up big baby, you only have to live with it for the rest of the day.”
“But I have patrolling with potter tonight, I mean all he is going to do is stare at my boobs!”
“Well they are ridiculous perky!”
Luckily I know that Claire is being funny otherwise I would really question her sexuality.
“This is serious Claire!”
“Maybe you should go and talk to Bruce about it. That’s if he can retrain himself from looking at your Tata’s as well.” She laughed.
Some best friend she is!
“Oh har har”
“Okay, I can’t stay in here until the end of the day I’ve got a broom cupboard appointment at 10 and I’ve already missed dinner because of SOMEONE so I’ve got to go. See ya.” She says as she hops up and walks out of my room.
Don’t you love the way she refers to ‘an absolutely useless snog with some random guy who thinks she hot’ an appointment. Such a classy woman.
Okay, what to do, what to do?
Okay, I have a plan I will put on the highest pair of pants I own and then go patrolling.
Oh fuck, but I have to wear the school uniform damn it!
Okay, so I give up, this is unavoidable.
Claire is right I just have to suck it up, no matter how much I detest this.
Gahh, I smell! No I mean I really smell. I need a shower pronto.
I swear I smell like Hippogriff shit. I blame the goo.
As I open the door, I tie my hair up into a messy bun. And I...
Oh. My. Merlin.
My jaw has literally dropped right down to the ground and a little gasp sound escapes my lips.
My eyes scan over his ridiculous toned and sweaty body from the top of his head right down to where the bottom of his towel ends.
“Oh, I’m really sorry, I forgot to lock both doors....” he continues to talk but the rest is all mush as I am having such a hard time focusing on anything other than his drool worthy physique.
No literally, I was salivating at the very corners my mouth it was slowly and rather unattractively seeping out.
“Like what you see Evans?”
This is when my fantasy broke and I finally realised who I was having a sexual fantasy about.
“No! I was trying to see what girls see in you but...nope can’t see it, bye” I turned to run out the door but instead Potter pushed the door closed from behind me and twisting me around while grabbing my wrists and pinning them to the door.
“Get off me NOW Potter!” I say surprisingly steady.
“I don’t think I will Evans” he smirked evilly as he slowly pressed his hard body up against mine.
And when I say hard I mean that in every aspect. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as he did.
A quiet sound of pleasure escapes my lips. He hears this and he put his lips to my collarbone and sucked gently.
I gasp blissfully.
His lips then softly grazed my neck up to my ear lobe which he nibbled at.
“Oh sweet Merlin” I moan out loud.
Then he kisses me gently on the mouth with his perfectly soft sculptured lips, making sure that he is barely grazing my lips and letting them linger there for a only few seconds.
Making me want more.
I gazed up into his eyes that were mirroring mine that were burning with passion.
Oh fuck this!
“Stop teasing me Potter” I growl and I grab is face and covered my lips with his.
His first initial reaction was shock, but once he had recovered he slid his hands around my bare waist pulling me closer.
There were 3 main things I noticed when I was snogging James Potter. 1. He was a BLOODY BRILLIANT snog 2. His tongue tasted of strawberry, which I now dubbed my favourite fruit 3. His kiss was never enough, I was always left wanting MORE (which was very, very BAD!)
I was surprised how well our lips moved rhythmically with each others, it was like....well magic.
I felt his tongue circle my lips and then push against my bottom my lip desperately begging for an entrance. I happily obliged.
His tongue felt different then I imagined it would instead of feeling slimy it felt coarse. Which trust me, was a good thing.
I smiled against his lips when I heard him make a low and intoxicating groan which erupted from the back of his throat. The groan vibrated against my lips sending shivers running up and down my spine.
As the kiss intensified his lips became more urgent and his hands became more adventurous, as he slowly slipped them down to my bum to cup my cheeks and thrust my hips to his.
I had no control over my body what so ever, it was like pure instinct just took over and was now controlling my every move.
My legs wrapped around his waist, securing his towel that is still hanging loosely around his middle and I raked my hands through his already dishevelled black hair.
Which I have always found very alluring. Especially when he decides to run his hands through it. Oh GOD it’s like he’s was teasing me when he does that.
He allows his hands to wander up and down my torso, I felt his hand slips into my bra while at the same time he deliberately presses his hips into mine harder.
I let out a throaty growl and bite down hard onto his lower lip, he seems to like this a lot and groans with pleasure.
This is when I decide to do my own exploration, I mean why should he have all the fun?
I push against his hard body and slowly press the palm of my hand down on the top of his abs with my fingers lightly tracing over them as I move my hand down to the start of his towel.
Have I told you how much I love quidditch? No?! Well, yes I do! It is now my new favourite sport. Merlin! Now I finally understand why so many Hogwarts girls date quidditch players I mean who wouldn’t if they had bodies like these! Mmmmm, yummy.
This is when we both pull away breathless our lips still lingering.
I rest my head down on his shoulder while at the same time I press my lips down on his collar bone.
Then it finally sinks in.
I snogged James Potter.
WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS MAGICAL AM I DOING!!
I MEAN I AM BACKED UP AGAINST A DOOR PRACTICALLY STRADDLING JAMES POTTER, WHO I MIGHT ADD IS ONLY WEARING A TOWEL WHO I HAVE BEEN SNOGGING SENSELESS FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!?
This is a whole new level of insanity, even for me!
I push his sweaty, delicious, god worthy, hot, lovely, mouth-SNAP OUT OF IT!
Where did the little sanity I have left disappear to?
Did it just decide to pack up and leave when I wasn’t looking?
“So...Evans” Potter slyly smiles.
Wait WHAT!! Shut up brain!
“Oh piss off Potter!” I bubble with as much anger as I can pull off and march out of the bathroom.
So it has just been edited, just a few adjustments here and there I would love to hear what you think. I have been out of action for a while but I’m here to let you know that there will be a sequel, it should be coming out end of November early December. This is my first time writing an L/J, so i'd love to know what you think so please review!!
P.S PLEASE REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!