“I don’t believe in anything, that’s the message in your eyes” – Just Boy by Biffy Clyro
Nope, I was over Sirius Black.
100%. Over. Him.
Yep, that’s what I told myself.
It was strange, I reflected as I sat in the bustling Great Hall playing with my barely touched dinner; such a lot had changed for me over the last few months. I’d had everything I wanted and then lost it all so quickly.
I could tell you that loosing Sirius was the worst part but it would probably be a lie. It was the effect that loosing my relationship with Sirius had on the rest of my life. I didn’t only loose my boyfriend but I lost my best friend. I also lost my brother, the person who I loved the most in the world, and I’ve lost my open relationship with my confidant, Remus, who may secretly be thinking that I’ve done nothing wrong but has to back his best friends because that was what Marauders did (rule number seventeen in the Marauder hand book).
There was noise and people all around me but I felt so alone, Alice and Lily were having some kind of in depth conversation about Divination and how prophecies were never fulfilled. Leigh was talking quietly to Remus, coyly twirling her hair between her fingers and laughing at something he said. Sirius was talking to a random girl sitting next to him. Peter had scurried off, muttering something about last minute homework and James, well he seemed to be pointedly ignoring me and was just staring off into space.
Tears sprang into my eyes at the isolation my twin brother was forcing upon me and my mind started to fill up with sadness.
This is the most alone I have ever felt.
A few tears escaped my eyes and I rushed to push them away.
Oh Jimmy, why won’t you even let me explain?
What is there to explain? You cheated on my best friend with his Slytherin brother!
I jumped out of my skin as the sound of James’ voice filled my head. I looked across at him, his eyes met mine.
I never cheated on him Jimmy, I promise you that I didn’t. I would never do that.
James looked sceptical and raised a single eyebrow at me.
Oh, so you didn’t kiss Regulus Black then?
I almost looked away, my eyes pleaded with him.
No, Regulus did kiss me bu-
I KNEW IT!
James looked disgusted.
At least let me explain! It wasn’t my fault!
You have two minutes. His tone was still judgemental and clipped.
It didn’t happen when Sirius and I were together.
What do you mean it di-
“Stop interrupting me!” I snapped out loud, causing Lily to look at me weirdly. Shit, only meant to be talking in head. Damn it Kirsty!
Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. It didn’t happen when Sirius and I were together. It was that night in the summer when… when, you know…
Spit it out.
When he tortured me James. When he tortured me.
Oh. He was speechless.
Yes, exactly. Sirius and I weren’t together and I was very drunk, feeling very sorry for myself and thinking that Sirius would never even look at me so why shouldn’t I go for someone who actually would. My self-esteem had plummeted through the floor you and I were fighting and I felt lost.
James’ eyes started misting up slightly, guilt seeping through them.
Do you understand now?
“I’m sorry Kirst,” He whispered. “I didn’t know.”
A few tears escaped down my cheeks and I choked back a sob.
“You didn’t ask.”
“I’m sorry.” Tear trails leaked down from beneath his glasses as he strode around the table to embrace me.
I buried my face in his shirt front.
“Me too.” I sobbed.
His hand pulled me closer, and breathing in his familiar sent made me feel more comfortable and at home than I had felt since before this whole escapade started.
I pulled away and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand, glancing around the attention that we had drawn, which was thankfully not much.
It was strange though. Our twin telepathy had only ever worked once before, and that was at a time where I thought I was going to die.
How did it work? Was it only in times when I really needed help, needed my brother? Was it when mine and James’ relationship was in trouble? I just didn’t get it.
Whatever was going on it just didn’t make sense.
I stood up, saying goodbye to everyone at the table, receiving quite a few strange looks as I did so, thinking I would head back up to my dorm for a bit of alone time to attempt to straighten out my thoughts.
I only made it as far as the doors of the great hall.
“You’re looking really good Kirst.”
I froze on the spot, recognising the voice. Then without responding I kept walking. A hand grabbed my arm.
“I heard that he ended it with you. I’m sorry.” Regulus told me, his sharp grey eyes burrowing into mine.
“No you’re not.” I hissed at him. “You got exactly what you wanted Regulus Black. I’m miserable. You broke me. Well done. You can leave now.”
Regulus looked shocked.
“I never wanted to break you. I love you Kirsty, you’re my best friend. You always have been, you can't change that-”
I breathed in sharply, how could he even think that that was remotely true? He kissed me, tortured me and then ruined my life by causing me to fight with my brother and causing my boyfriend, whom I loved, to break up with me.
“I am not your best friend.” I hissed. “I am not your friend. Hell we’re not even acquaintances!” My voice raised slightly drawing attention to the two of us. I saw Lily, James and, surprisingly, Sirius rise from the Gryffindor table and make their way towards us.
“Kirst, don’t say that!” Regulus begged.
“It’s the truth! What do you expect?!” The anger that had built up in me over the last few days and all the hurt I had harboured from summer was coming out; I had no mercy, only fury. “You RUINED my life Regulus! You were my best friend and I trusted you! That’s what hurts the most Reg! I would have trusted you with my life! Hell I did trust you with my life, and what did you do? You tortured me! You passed me off to your pathetic little Voldemort worshiping friends! I could have died. And it would have been entirely your fault!”
“Kirsty I swear I didn’t mean for that to happen!” Tears were building up in his, usually, emotionless eyes. “I thought that you could come with me. You’re my best friend, I hoped maybe we could be more… we could join him together!”
I laughed coldly. The boy was clearly delirious.
“Were you high?” I snapped. “Did you honestly think for even a second that I would join him? Did you seriously think that you and I would ever have been more than friends? I NEVER loved you! I loved your brother! I loved Sirius! I loved the man that cared about people, who held emotion in his eyes! The man who would never join some, delusional, Dark Lord, hell bent on eradicating the world of muggles and muggleborns. Voldemort’s a fucking joke Reg. And so are you for joining him. I don’t love you. You are not my friend. And as of now, you are nothing to me. You betrayed my trust. You ruined my relationship. And as of this moment you. Are. Dead. To me.” I spat at him, then, without waiting for a response, I turned on my heel and I walked away. Leaving a silent Great hall in my midst.
And just as the doors closed behind me I heard the whispering start.
A/N Hi guys, I know this is really short! And I’m sorry!!! But I’ve been so busy lately with my prelims at school, and work and just generally being seventeen and having a social life! It tends to get to you! But anyway, despite the fact that this is super short it is drama packed right?! What did you think? Glad that Jimmy and Kirst have made up? What about what just happened between Regulus and Kirsty? Was she too harsh? Or did it need to be said?
Also, I’ve had a little idea for the next chapter that I’m unsure of. I was thinking about doing the next chapter, or at least part of it, from someone else’s point of view… good or bad idea?
Let me know! You know how to use that little review box! And on that note, I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who has review or favourited this story! I love each and every one of you ‘cause you’re amazing! So please keep it up you amazing guys and gals! – Kirsty xxxx