Disclaimer: I own nothing.
“James! Al! Stop! Please, stop!” I heard Lily screeching as I entered the common room.
Oh dear Merlin. This cannot be good.
Usually cool, calm, and collected Al had his wand pointing straight at Aidan Finnigan in a very threatening manner. His black hair was even more messed up than normal, sticking in a fifty different directions. His face was bright red in anger.
James was no better. He was being held back by Shane, who looked completely amused by the situation, but he was certainly putting up quite the fight. His hair was even worse than Al’s. His fists were clenched, and even his eyes were seething.
Could he be
The answer is no, Albert. I mean, just look
So. Flipping. Sexy.
Oh shut it, Albert. I’m allowed to think the guy I’m in love with is sexy.
You probably think your
girlfriend is sexy. That I’m still
not allowed to meet.
I. Hate. You.
I bet your girlfriend is a cow. She probably has no friends and is really mean, and nobody likes her. Plus, she probably likes to make you massage her feet, which stink.
Ha. Take that.
Lily was pleading with her brothers to leave her boyfriend alone, while tears streamed down her face relentlessly. Other Gryffindors were either watching in amusement or pity.
The other Weasleys were standing around nearby. Fred, Louis, and Hugo were glaring maliciously at Aidan, but decided to leave Al and James the job of murdering him.
Aidan looked simply terrified. Hell, I probably would be too.
Roxanne was trying and failing to comfort Lily. Rose and Dom were studying in the library, and Lucy was probably off doing something more boring than Herbology with Athena. Looks like this is up to me to deal with.
Merlin. Do I ever
have a normal day?
No, Albert, I don’t.
Because I’m surrounded by complete loons.
Yes, I did
just use the word loons.
Deal with it.
“Alright, what happened?” I asked, raising an eyebrow, and putting my hands on my hips.
Nobody answered. They just kept glaring, crying, and practically shitting their pants in fear.
Why does nobody ever
answer my questions? Honestly, how hard is it just answer somebody?
That’s right, not hard at all.
, what happened?” I growled impatiently, and kicked James in the shin.
Don’t look at me like that!
I’m just trying to help!
“They were fucking on the couch.” James grunted in a mixture of pain, annoyance, and anger.
Fucking on the couch? That doesn’t sound like Lily.
But for all I know, Lily could be some kind sex crazed bint that likes shagging people in public.
But somehow I doubt that…
“For Merlin’s sake, James! We were only kissing!” Lily cried.
“Same difference.” Al grumbled under his breath.
“Well, that sucks because it looks as if I lost my virginity loads
of times.” I said sardonically, rolling my eyes.
Apollo’s eyes widened and he made a noise that I decided to ignore. He’s an idiot.
Like seriously, bloke is crazy.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Riley asked, brows furrowed, when he saw his brother being held at wand point.
“What’s with you Finnigan boys and fucking our sisters!” Apollo exclaimed, outraged as soon as he saw Riley.
Like I said, bloke is crazy.
“Apollo, Riley and I never shagged,” I rolled my eyes again. “And I’m sure Aidan and Lily didn’t either!” I added on, turning to James and Al. Lily and Aidan both nodded their head vigorously in agreement to my words.
“And even if I did, which I didn’t, and even if they
did, which they didn’t, it would be no ones business but our own. So butt out.” I said, lowering Al’s arm that was holding his wand.
He glared at me.
Well, somebody is a little bit grumpy.
“It is so our business!” James said indignantly.
“It is not!” Lily and I said in unison.
“Is too!” Apollo exclaimed.
Let’s just say that this went on for a while. Aidan and Riley just watched in amusement.
“Is too!” I yelled, and Apollo and James smirked triumphantly. Lily smacked me on the arm.
I always fall for that.
“Fuck you.” I grumbled.
“I know you want to, love, but I don’t believe in incest.” Apollo grinned.
I punched his arm.
I need to get some muscles.
I am going to be one of those chicks with huge arse muscles. And be like, “I am woman, hear me SMASH!”
And then I’m going to stomp on some shit.
It. Will. Be. Epic.
“But seriously guys, why are you pissed at Aidan?” Riley asked, curiously.
The male faces turned into dark scowls.
I had them all distracted and he ruined it.
Go die in a hole, Riley, go die in a hole.
Now would be just grand.
I hate people. Why can’t they ever do what my mind asks?
I am not sane.
“He’s my boyfriend.” Lily said, looking at Aidan with loving eyes. Aidan’s brown eyes softened immediately, and looked unafraid as she said the words.
Seriously, looking at that just makes me want to be a better person. Pure adorableness of younglings in love.
James, Al, Fred, Louis, and Hugo all made retching sounds.
I smacked Al on the top of his head, just because he was the closest of the immature boys. They all shut up. I smirked.
“Aw, wittle Aidy final got himself a girlfriend!” Riley cooed pinching Aidan cheeks.
Humiliating nicknames are boss.
When they are being used on other people.
“Shut up.” Aidan said, and playfully punched his brother in the stomach.
your boyfriend, Lily.” Al corrected.
“Excuse me?” She said, raising her eyebrow in a challenging manner.
“We don’t want you seeing him anymore.” James said with authority, folding his arms across his chest.
Merlin, he looks like my father.
Wait. Does that mean I’m attracted to my father?
Barf in my head. No.
Lily burst out laughing. Like insane, hysterical laughter. She was clutching her stomach, and tears were practically streaming out of her eyes.
I personally don’t think that she’s quite right in the head if you know what I mean.
(She’s mental) Got it? Good.
“What make you think that you have any
say whatsoever in who I date?” Lily said between laughter.
Girl had a point.
“We’ll write Dad.” Al threatened. James smirked.
Blokes had a better point.
Harry Potter would not
be happy at all to find out that his baby girl had a boyfriend.
Hell, who would
“I’ll write Mum.” Lily said, lips unfurling into a smirk identical to James’.
Awww shit. She got him there.
Her brother’s faces fell instantly.
Damn, this is better than cable.
“You would never write Mum.” James squeaked, unable to regain composure.
Hehe he squeaked.
It’s awesome how a 6 ft 2” man can sound exactly like a mouse.
The world is an amazing place, it really is.
“Try me.” Lily challenged, putting her hands on her hips, and glaring at James and Al.
They visibly flinched.
I have a new found respect for Lily Potter.
She grabbed Aidan’s shirt and exited the Portrait Hole.
And that’s when I burst into laughter at James and Al. “You guys suck.” I giggled, ruffled their hair, and then skipped out of the Portrait Hole ready to congratulate Lily and shower her with praise on a job well done.
“Ow, get off me!”
“Bitch, I will cut you.”
“Get your feet out of my face!”
“Your breath smells like sausage and arse!”
Oh it’s always a lovely time at the Wotter family meetings.
The one problem with them?
They are held in a fucking broom closet.
I suppose they originally started when it was just Victoire and Professor Lupin even though Teddy isn’t even technically a Wotter. The two probably came in here to snog.
Puke my guts out.
Then, as more Wotters started to come to Hogwarts the prats just decided to keep the same location. Honestly, does it really matter that much to ‘keep the tradition alive’? We’d all be way more comfortable in the Room of Requirement or the kitchens or pretty much anywhere other than here.
I’d rather be in the stomach of a hippogriff.
It would be all warm and cozy. And bloody… And gutsy…
I get invited to the Wotter secret family meetings because when I found out about them, I pulled on Al’s ear until he let me come along. Kid was never good at keeping secrets. Now they invite me to every single one.
I’m good at threatening people.
It’s a gift.
“Where the hell is Teddy? He’s the one that called the bloody meeting.” Lucy mumbled.
I swear, this child is never happy.
Honestly, every time I see her, she’s pissy. Constant PMS.
“Will you put a smile on your face for once, Luce?” Lily muttered, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, Teddy seemed really excited when he told us about the meeting in class today.” Rose said.
That was true. The man looked like he was about to piss his pants. It was actually kid of scary.
“I bet he found a nickel on the floor. He gets excited over the stupidest shit.” Lucy said.
I should just take her place in this family. They would all be so much happier with me.
“Who invited her?” Fred asked no one in particular. The other Wotters grumbled in agreement.
That’s what I’m trying to say.
“Why are you sitting in between Fred and Louis, Eggs?” Dom questioned suddenly.
It was an understandable question. I mean, just last week they repulsed me, and I was afraid they were going to rape me.
Now we tight, yo.
Oh Merlin. I should really just stop think-talking. I’m honestly scarring myself.
“Freddy and Lou are maa boys!” I exclaimed, put my arms around theirs shoulders, and ruffled their hair.
“Since when?” Roxanne asked.
I was about to answer when Louis said, “Since she finally agreed to shag us.” I punched his arm. He smirked. Fred was okay in the manners department, but I’m still working on Louis.
“Disgusting.” Al muttered, covering his ears.
“My best friend!” Dom and Rose shrieked.
“I may barf.” Lily mumbled.
“Nice!” Hugo commended, high-fiving Louis and Fred.
“Slut.” Lucy sneered.
“I really do not need to know these things.” Roxanne said shaking her head.
James just frowned.
“You are so full of shit, Louis!” I yelled, and elbowed him in the stomach. He grunted.
I actually caused someone physical pain! I should perfect my elbowing skills.
I will be unstoppable.
Unstoppable, I say!
“How could you have sex with my baby brother and cousin, and not tell me!?” Dom shrieked angrily.
My best friend is an idiot.
“I didn’t shag them, you bint!” I exclaimed defensively, and kicked her leg. “Do you really think that I’d stoop that low?” Dom looked relieved.
“HEY!” Fred and Louis shouted.
People should really stop yelling in this blasted broom closet.
Fucking blowing out my eardrums.
“Oh you know I love you two!” I cooed, and leaned into them both more.
“I still think she shagged them.” Lucy said in a low voice.
I will smack this bitch.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I asked, bluntly and angrily.
Lucy just rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. Athena seriously deserves a better best friend. Preferably one that is not
a cold-hearted bitch.
That would be dandy.
Just then the door opened and Teddy walked in looking out of breath. “Finally!” Almost everyone yelled.
“Sorry I’m late! I was with Tory.” Teddy said, between breaths. His face flushed with emotion when he said his fiancé’s name.
“What did you want to tell-“
“She’s pregnant!” Teddy exclaimed, unable to control his excitement.
And then of course Fred was the one to break it. “With a baby?”
No, with a toaster. Moron.
“Why didn’t that bitch tell me?” Dom complained.
“Whop-dee-do.” Lucy said boredly.
“You impregnated my sister!?” Louis growled.
“Can I baby-sit?” Lily asked, excitedly.
“Way to get it done, Mate!” James said, patting Teddy’s shoulder.
“Nice!” Hugo congratulated. Well, that just seems to be his phrase of the day, doesn’t it?
“Before you’re married?” Al said, laughing. “Good luck with Uncle Bill.”
Ooooh. Al has a point. Mr. Fang won’t be too happy!
“Shit.” Teddy said, eyes wide.
“You’re screwed.” I laughed.
“Do you really think he’ll be mad?” He asked, all color draining from his face.
“You got his first born daughter pregnant with a bastard child.” James said. “He’s going to kill you.”
“But won’t he be happy about being a grandpa?” Teddy asked hopefully.
“Would you be happy about being a grandpa in your mid fifties?” Fred laughed.
“I’m going to die.” Teddy stated, crestfallen.
“I can’t believe you and Tory had sex!” Louis said disgusted.
For the love of Merlin.
I literally just found him the other day sleeping with some girl and he gets grossed out that his twenty two year old sister had sex with her fiancé.
What a tosser.
“Louis, we’ve been having sex since we were in school.” Teddy said tiredly, and rolled his eyes.
Vomit. That’s my professor saying that.
Granted, I’ve seen him get out of the shower with just a towel on at the Weasley’s house.
It was one of the greatest moments of my life, but that’s beside the point.
“I’ll kill you.” Louis said darkly.
Does anybody else think that that’s a wee bit over dramatic?
Dom burst out laughing. “Louis, you’re 5 ft 8” and have blonde hair and blue eyes. I don’t think he’s scared of you.” She giggled.
Look at Dommy making sense!
Louis grumbled an unintelligible sentence that I couldn’t make out.
“When did you guys find out that Tory is pregnant?” Hugo asked.
“Yesterday morning. She kept throwing up and having all of these weird cravings. We knew that something was up.” Teddy said beaming.
If I ever have kids, I wish I could just skip the whole pregnancy shit and just go right to popping those suckers out. Like honestly, being the size of a whale and craving ice cream with pickles is not
my forte. But then again, if I was pregnant with James’ kid I’d be cool with it.
I can totally see our family now. Six kids because, let’s face it, we can’t keep our hands off each other.
The order will be: Boy. Boy. Girl. Boy. Girl. Girl.
The eldest boy would be a bad arse, and constantly get in trouble with teachers, but we’ll be okay with it because it will be funny.
The next oldest boy will be really good at quidditch. He will be the star of the Gryffindor team and have all the girls chasing after him.
The eldest girl will be uber smart. Like genius level, but not boring as fuck like Athena. She’ll be awesome and use her smarts to piss off teachers because I’ll raise her to be cool like that.
The youngest boy will be a little sweetheart, but really shy. A lot of girls will want him because he’s so nice to everybody. He’ll only have one girlfriend though because that’s the kind of guy he is. A one-girl kind of guy.
The last two girls are twins. Exactly the same in everyway. I’ll mix them up constantly because I’m shit with names and faces, but they could never trick James because he’d be a smart and wonderful father.
Basically, our family would be perfect and totally kick arse.
It’s okay to be jealous, Albert. I understand that your family will never be awesome like mine.
“Are you still going to like her when she’s fat?” Louis asked Teddy. “Are you going to be there for her when she has to pee every five seconds? Or when she starts losing her sex drive? Or when-“
“Oh my Merlin, Louis, shut the fuck up! Of course Teddy will be there for Tory! Stop playing the big brother role even though you’re seven years younger than her!” Dom said, whacking her brother upside the head.
He yelped. Freak.
“What was that, Mrs. Norris? Rotten children out of bed?” Mr. Filch’s raspy voice came out of nowhere.
Well, we’re fucked.
Filch and his old, decrepit cat, Mrs. Norris Jr, were the worse thing that could happen to you if you were out after curfew.
Now you may think that having Teddy with us would save us, but you’d be dead wrong. Filch once threatened to kill Teddy with a broom. I swear, the bloke almost shit his pants.
“Shit! I’ll try and hold him off. I hope one of you guys has the invisibility cloak!” Teddy exclaimed, standing up very quickly and exiting the broom closet without another word.
Well, he was a load of help.
“I can’t get another detention!”
“Dibs on the clock!”
“Where’s the map?”
“Everybody be quiet!” I whispered harshly. I was ignored.
“We’re going to die!”
“I’m not getting my first detention ever for some dumb family meeting!”
“Fuck this shit!”
“WILL EVERYONE SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!” I shouted. Silence ensued.
That’s what I thought.
“Who has the map?” I asked and Hugo handed it to me. “Right. Now who has the cloak?” Al gave me the cloak.
“Okay so here’s the plan. Lily, Hugo, Lucy, and Roxy will all go underneath the cloak because they’re tiny. Rose, you go with Fred and Louis. You’re a prefect so you can just say that you were on patrol and you caught them out of bed. No one will question you hopefully. James, Dom, Al, and I will take the map.” I said, everyone nodded understanding what they were doing.
“Alright, the cloak people you guys go first. Hopefully Teddy managed to distract Filch. Go!” I said with authority, threw the cloak over top of them, pushed them out the door, and then closed it again.
I love having power, I really do.
“Okay, you three go next.” I looked down at the map. It looked as if Filch and Teddy were arguing in a corridor a little ways away. Lily, Hugo, Roxanne, and Lucy were almost to the Ravenclaw tower to drop Lucy off.
I shoved Rose, Louis, and Fred out the door, and studied the map. Everything was going according to plan.
I should seriously be a secret agent. I’d be boss at that shit.
“Alright, the coast is clear. Let’s go!” I said, after peeking out the door.
“Why do I get the feeling that you do this very often?” James laughed, following me out.
“I get bored at night. Sleeping is only fun during the day.” I grinned.
We were about half way back to the Gryffindor tower when all hell broke loose. I looked down at the map, and practically shit my pants. Mrs. Norris Jr was at the head of the corridor that we were going down. Filch was at the end of it. We were trapped.
You know, death by Filch really isn’t how I wanted to leave the world.
“What’s wrong?” Al asked, when he saw that I was frozen in fear. He glanced down at the map. “EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!” He yelled, grabbed the map, and ran away.
Dom, James, and I watched him run for about three seconds before each running like crazy people in different directions ourselves.
I decided to run towards Mrs. Norris Jr. I mean, I’d rather get my eyes scratched out than to be hung by my toes from the astronomy tower by Filch.
Mrs. Norris attacked my feet as I ran by. “Aaagghhh!” I yelled as I fell to the ground.
The demonic animal was hissing evilly, scratching, and clawing at my legs and feet. I should have chosen Filch! I should have chosen Filch!
Oh my Merlin. Albert, save me! SAVE ME!
You are no help! Useless piece of shit.
The thing was climbing up my body. Drawing blood as it dug its nails into my skin. I tried to detach it, but she was just too strong.
It is really sad when a cat is stronger than you are.
I am an utterly pathetic person, I really am.
I was screaming by the time the cat reached my face. She lifted up her paw to take a swipe. I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the attack that never came.
I heard Mrs. Norris meowing and snarling loudly. I cracked open an eye, and saw Noah Davies wrestling with the beast.
He was trying to hold it as far away from his as possible as he ran to the nearest broom closet and threw it in. Noah slammed the door shut and began panting loudly.
“Are you okay?” Noah asked, as he helped me off the floor.
My clothes had rips, tears, and holes everywhere. I was bleeding from every single scratch that that monstrosity of an animal created. And my hair looks like a birds nest.
In short, I looked bloody marvelous.
Don’t you just love
I do. It’s just fucking fantastic.
“I guess.” I said shakily. “Thank you, by the way.”
“Don’t mention it.” He said. “What are you even doing out at this time? It’s past curfew.”
Shit. Well, I couldn’t tell him that I had been at a secret Wotter meeting, now could I?
I decided to go for the counter attack. “What are you
doing out?” I questioned.
Oooh ouch. Gotcha there.
My eyes widened. “You aren’t going to tell on me, are you? I just got attack by that fucking mental animal. I think that’s punishment enough, don’t you? Please, don’t report me!” I begged.
I was about ready to get down on my hands and knees and grovel. I could not
get another detention.
He laughed. He bloody laughed
“I won’t turn you in on one condition.” Noah told me, lips quirked up into a smile.
And that is??
I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate. If he says shag him, I swear to Merlin, I will kick him in his man business so hard that his chance of ever conceiving children will fly straight out the window.
“Go to Hogsmeade with me.” He said, grinning, looking hopeful.
Tempting offer, Albert.
I mean, I could
go with him. I didn’t have a date yet, and Dommy was going with some Puff, Rose was probably going to study, and I think Al was going with Freddy and Louis.
The only problem was, James, Apollo, and basically my whole quidditch team hate
Noah. Like absolutely despise him. It would have to be a secret. Hmm. Secret date. That could be interesting.
“Meet me outside my common room at eleven?” I said, smiling widely. He nodded eagerly.
I turned and started walking/limping back to Gryffindor tower. “Don’t get attacked by any more satanic cats!” Noah called. I winked at him before turning the corner.
Saturday should be fun.
“What the fuck happened to you?!” Dom asked, as I entered the Portrait Hole.
“Got attacked by Mrs. Norris.” I grunted, as the boys helped me into a chair.
“Rotten luck.” James said.
“No shit, Sherlock.” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Here, I’ll heal you, Pricey.” Rose said, helpfully, walking over to me with her wand out, but Louis pushed her away.
“No, we have it.” He said, him and Fred pulling out their own wands.
I looked up at them with confused eyes.
They couldn’t heal for shit.
“Yeah, you guys go up to bed. We have to talk to Pricey about something important.” Freddy said.
Everybody looked extremely reluctant to leave.
“That’s really fucked up that you are planning to molest her in her injured state.” Dom said, angrily.
Louis slapped a palm to his forehead in annoyance. “We are not going to molest her for Merlin’s sake! We just have to talk to her about something!” Fred said, exasperated.
“Just go, everybody.” I told them, and they went up the staircases warily.
“What did you want to-“
“We have a plan.” Louis told me excitedly.
“A plan?” I said, confused.
“We have a plan to get you and James together.” Fred grinned.
Does anybody else feel like whatever is going to come out of their mouths will not
be a good idea?
Good. So I’m not alone, then.
“What does this ‘plan’ involve? I’m not going to dress like a slag or straddle him or any stupid perverted shit like that.”
Hey, it’s Fred and Louis.
I wouldn’t doubt that that’s what their sick little minds are coming up with.
Yeah, I didn’t think so.
They laughed. “No, although we’d love
to see you dress in something a little more…revealing
, we don’t want to give poor Apollo a heart attack.” Louis winked.
“Okay then, what’s the plan?”
“You’re going to find another guy, whoever it may be, date him, snog the snot out of him right in front of James. And thus, Jamesie is jealous and realizes his undying love for you.” Fred told me proudly.
You know what’s really depressing?
No, not my life, Albert, but thanks for that sweet jab at my patheticness.
It’s the fact that I already got a guy, and James can’t even know about him. Nor could anybody else for that matter.
A/N: Oh hi. Got this up there pretty fast, didn’t I? What did you think? Happy or sad that she is going to Hogsmeade with Noah? I can imagine most of you are sad. Sorry! More Freddy and Louis in this chapter! I seriously love them. What do you think about their plan? Good? Bad?
Any more favorite quotes? I feel like a lot
happened in this chapter or is that just me? Hmm. Either way, I hope you liked this. I kinda wrote it almost all in one day. My eyes feel like they are going to fall off from staring at my computer screen for so long.
Anyways, review please! Happy Holidays! :)