Chapter 5 : Jealousy is a Disease
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Jealousy is a Disease
“So how long do we have to wait?” James said to me as we waited by the doors to the Great Hall. I was smiling hugely at the fact that it wasn’t me they were waiting on.
I looked up at the clock hanging in the Great Hall and turned back to James giving him a grin. “He should be out in three… two… one,” I responded. As if on cue the doors to the Great Hall boomed opened and a stark naked Sirius ran through the Great Hall to the shock of the whole school.
I had won the bet, to Sirius’s utter shock. When we had showed each other the list of names of everyone we had snogged, mine had been one name longer than his.
“Liar! I bet you haven’t snogged any of them and just put their names down,” Sirius had said indignantly. Professor Flitwick gave Sirius a look to shush him and I had continued to keep a smirk on my face.
“Why don’t you ask them?” I had responded to him my eyebrow raised.
“You know what,” Sirius had said straightening himself up, “I will.”
And so, Sirius had spent the rest of the day asking everyone on my list if I had actually snogged them. There had been many whispers about how angry Sirius had seemed. Lot’s of the students thought we were in love with each other, but they didn’t know about the dare. Sirius had been pissed when he realized my list was true. And so, Sirius had been colder towards Remus for the past couple of days, because he felt it was Remus’s fault he lost the bet.
“Did I tell you how happy I am you came to this school?” Peter said to me laughing as we watched Sirius running up and down the aisles of the Great Hall. The teachers were all screaming “Black!” and pointing their wands at him trying to cover him up. Lots of girls seemed to be enjoying the show, giggling madly and looking at one another in pure amusement.
“Shut up,” I said to Peter crossing my arms. I hated when they showed appreciation at the fact that I was at this school. I didn’t even like them that much. I didn’t like anyone.
“Aw, are you upset because we like you?” Peter said teasingly. He always tried to get me to admit the fact that I liked hanging out with them. Which I didn’t.
“Please, you guys are leeches,” I responded rolling my eyes. I wasn’t lying. They were always following me around. I was trying to get used to this, but sometimes I would just tell them to sod off, because I needed to be alone.
“Ouch,” Remus said his eyes widening, and looking away. I turned to look. Sirius had just gotten hit by McGonagall’s full body bind curse, and lay face up on the ground, his nakedness still in full view. She conjured a blanket, and laid it over Sirius’s immobile body, and turned her head and looked right at us, or more like the Marauders, her eyes narrowing to slits.
“Lupin, Pettigrew, Potter, my office now!” McGonagall bellowed.
“But Professor-,” James started to say back.
“I don’t want to hear it you three! You and your stupid pranks! Either you wait for me to yell at you in private, or the whole Great Hall will hear what I think of you!” She shouted, cutting him off. She turned and exited the Great Hall, motioning for them to follow.
“Sucks for you guys,” I said stepping away from them just in case McGonagall decided to punish me as well.
“I blame you,” James said pointing at me. “If I get in trouble and my Quidditch team suffers it’s your fault.”
“Please, what can happen? Tryouts aren’t till the end of the week,” I said rolling my eyes.
James didn’t bother responding, and instead gave a dirty glare. I stuck my tongue out at him. He turned and left the great hall, Peter and Remus trailing behind him. I walked to the Gryffindor table and took a seat alone. It felt weird to be sitting alone after sitting with James and his mates so often, but I liked the familiarity of not having to impress anyone but myself.
I shoveled some eggs onto my plate and stared off into the distance. Had this school become what I expected? I wasn’t sure yet. If I liked it or hated it, that is. I almost didn’t want to admit to myself that I could ever be happy again. I haven’t been happy since before my mum died. And I don’t think I ever really would. It wouldn’t be fair to her. At least, that’s how I saw it.
I finished up my eggs just as the owls started to swoop into the Great Hall. I hated when it happened, because I never got any letters. My dad didn’t care enough to keep up with me, and no one else wanted to send me any. I used to get tons of letters sent to me all the time. Mostly from my mum. She would always send me little care packages, and would have dad write me a letter to so it looked like they both put effort into contacting me.
As I looked up I noticed though, that there was an owl that seemed to be heading in my direction. It was all black with white feathers around the eyes, swooping in arcs as it made it’s way towards me. I noticed it was the family owl as it plopped a letter in front of me and I wondered immediately who sent the letter. I untied the letter from the owl’s foot and let it eat the rest of the food on my plate.
The scrawl on the front made it known it was from my father. I was shocked that he would even write to me. I had written to him a couple of times since the beginning of the year, and I had started to give up on him ever replying. I opened the letter and began to read.
I’m pleased that you have been having a good first few weeks of school. I hope you are working hard and getting the best grades, as it is crucial for a future career! However, I’ve sent this letter with a purpose. It was just to let you know that I can no longer receive any more letters from you. Now don’t be angered by this. This is only because I have very important matters that are being delayed because of the family owl always being in use when I need it. It is very important that I am able to communicate with others, and when you have the owls sending letters to me, I am unable to use them. When I wish to contact you, I’ll send you a letter myself.
I reread the letter about ten times not sure if the contents of it could actually be true. Could my dad actually be telling me to stop trying to contact him? I had sent him only about three letters, just letting him know about my classes. I thought he’d want to know. I thought maybe he felt lonely without mum with him.
I crumpled the letter in my hand as I made a fist and shooed the owl off of my table. If my dad didn’t care about me, than I was fine. I’d manage on my own, like I’ve had to do ever since my mum’s death. He obviously didn’t need my annoying updates. I almost felt embarrassed at myself for even hoping that he had cared.
Maybe, this letter was my fathers subconscious way of pushing away the only person who knew mum they way he did. Maybe he was letting me know in his own way that he didn’t have time for me anymore, and couldn’t be bothered. And maybe, just maybe, this letter was his way of letting me know that all of the days of him being my father were over. As if it hadn’t already ended.
“Because of you,” Sirius said slamming his fist on the table that was in front of us in the common room, “we now all have a weeks worth of detention, ANND my whole wardrobe is being gone through to see if it’s all ‘school appropriate’.”
“Wow, all this because of me. I’m becoming very proud of myself,” I said. I had been sitting in the common room, when Sirius, Peter, James and Remus had all stormed in, and Sirius had begun this little rant.
“This is not funny! McGonagall doesn’t believe that it was your idea so we’re getting punished as well,” Peter chimed in as he sat down next to me.
“Aw, you poor guys tell me how detention goes,” I responded going back to painting my nails, this time a firecracker red (at least that’s what the bottle said).
“Bitch,” Sirius responded.
“Next time, you should learn not to streak through the Great Halls.”
“I’ll get you for this,” Sirius said pointing a finger at me before storming off.
“Next time win the bet!” I called after him as he marched up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory.
“He’ll get over it eventually,” Remus responded sitting down on the armchair by the fireplace. “I think he’s just pissed that you won.”
“I know,” I said with a grin. “That’s why I agreed to the bet in the first place.”
“I just wish you hadn’t dragged us down with your win,” Peter responded bitterly.
“Aren’t you guys supposed to be the Marauders? You should thank me for the detentions,” I responded smirking.
“Being the Marauders doesn’t mean we want detention, it means that despite our good intentions, we end up in detention,” James started to explain his eyes wide. I think he actually believed it.
“So, your good intentions involve pranking Slytherins?” I said referring to the countless times James tripped one in the hallway.
“Of course they do! This world needs to be warned that they’re good-for-nothing, lying, cheating, stealing arses,” James said ending with a shout.
“You need to calm down mate,” Remus said laying a hand on his shoulder.
James sunk back into the couch, and looked straight ahead at the fireplace, and as he did this I looked down at the Charms homework I was trying to finish up. I had about two feet left of the essay to write, and was trying to concentrate so I didn’t have to stay up late to finish the work.
“Remus, did you happen to finish the charms homework,” I asked him nonchalantly.
“Yes I did and if you think I’m giving it to you then you’re delusional,” Remus responded to me matter-of-factly.
“Don’t be like that, Moony,” I said mocking his nickname, “I just wanted to check over some of my statistics.”
“Statistics my ass,” James said butting in. “I happen to know for a fact that you’ve been sitting there staring at those two sentences for the past half hour.”
“James, I forgot the part where I invited you into the conversation,” I said turning to him, exasperated.
“I can interject whenever I see fit, considering we just took the rap for your little ploy. Which is another reason Moony shouldn’t give you homework,” James responded indignantly.
“As much as I enjoy you guys speaking for me,” Remus began to say. “I’m going to say that Annabelle, I will not help you with your homework, but you could always ask Lily as she known for being such a great tutor.”
I snorted as he said this wondering if he was joking or not.
“What’s so bad about Lily? I don’t get it,” James responded seeing my reaction.
“Nothing particularly, we just don’t get on like best mates. Why do you like Lily? She doesn’t seem to be that fond of you,” I countered. I noticed him opening his mouth about to give a huge explanation. “Wait, never mind I’d rather not listen to your explanation as I have a essay to write.”
“Whatever, it’s not me who’s never going to finish without her help,” James responded trailing off.
“Do you want me to ask her just so you can be in her presence or something?” I snapped at him. His facial expression showed that that was exactly what he wanted and heaved a huge sigh. “Can you get any more desperate?”
“It’s not desperation when it has to do with fate!” James exaggerated.
“Here we go again,” Peter mumbled knowing James was going into a rant.
“Sometimes you just know when you set your eyes on someone that something’s meant to happen! Sometimes this effect just comes over you and you can’t help but-“
“James, as sad as it is to say it you are getting more desperate by the second,” Remus said clapping a hand on his shoulder.
“I can’t help how I feel!” James responded indignantly.
“Is it sad that I actually feel bad for you and am about to ask Lily for help just for you benefit?” I responded giving James an I-feel-bad-for-you look.
“Did I tell you you’re the greatest?” James responded eagerly.
“Yeah, yeah,” I responded getting up from my seat and heading to the staircases. I started climbing up the stairs to go to the dorm I figured Lily was in. I opened the door and saw Lily sitting on her bed reading a muggle book that I didn’t recognize. Is this really what she did in her free time?
“Hey Annabelle!” Lily said looking up and greeting me. She was always this nice to me despite the fact I was less than nice back.
“Can you help my write my Charms essay?” I asked short, sweet and to the point.
I was half hoping, half wanting her to say she couldn’t help me, which was most of the reason I asked her so bluntly. But, Lily, seeing this as her making a breakthrough, gave me a huge smile and agreed instantly.
“Okay, thanks. I have all my stuff set up downstairs so just meet me down there,” I responded heading back down the stairs, not even waiting to see if she followed.
“I’ll be down in a sec okay?” she shouted after me as I closed the door behind me, not looking back.
As I headed back to my seat on the couch, I gave James a look that said he owed me. “Don’t tell me, she agreed?” James said happily.
“Of course she did, she’s too nice not to. Now don’t blow it and act all arrogant and obsessive,” I responded shooing him into another chair so Lily could sit by me. “And don’t you dare make it seem like I only asked her for you benefit, and act like she’s not even there okay?”
I was just trying to help James by giving him this advice and he looked at me nodding the whole time, looking as if he was listening to everything I was saying. I honestly don’t get why he’s so obsessed with Lily. I mean he could have basically anyone at this school and it would seem just like him to like the one person that he annoys the hell out of. Lily started to come down the stairs and once she saw the Marauders were in the vicinity her smile faltered a little. James turned away from me and started an in depth conversation with Remus and Peter. Lily came and sat next to me.
“So you needed help with charms? How much do you have written so far?” Lily asked me pretending to be unaware of James a mere five feet away.
“Uh… two lines?” I said showing her my parchment that was written in very big loopy handwriting as to try and take up as much space as possible without being too obvious I was bullshitting the whole thing.
Lily heaved a sigh and looked at me, “Are you telling me, that you haven’t even made an outline? That’s the whole foundation so that you know how to write your paper!”
I was scarily reminded of my English teacher when I took an essay writing class before I came to Hogwarts and gave Lily a look. “You honestly expect me to spend more than a half hour writing this? I do need sleep you know.”
“Annabelle, it’s only six thirty….” Lily said giving me a disbelieving look.
“I know and I have to get up at seven which means I need to go to bed at seven in order to get my full twelve hours of sleep or else tomorrow will not be a pretty sight,” I responded. I was probably the only person in the world that could sleep so much and still be tired. That was the one reason I hated school. I bet if I could just sleep till eleven and go to school until late at night, I would like it so much better.
“Okay granny,” Remus said interjecting into the conversation. James turned to watch the conversation, excited to finally have an excuse to look our way without seeming creepy. I hoped he didn’t try and get himself involved because that would seem just a little too desperate. Peter however was just sitting back watching the conversation unfold, seemingly enjoying the whole predicament.
“I don’t recall introducing you into the convo,” I snapped.
“Annabelle, you either want to get the work done right, or you don’t want to get it done at all. I’m not going to just write the essay for you,” Lily explained.
“That’s not what I was asking! I was just wondering if I could sneak a peak at yours?”
“No, not only is that unfair to everyone else that has to write their own essay, but it’s unfair to me for spending all this time on mine just to have it taken by you,” Lily responded in what I assumed was a head girl voice.
“Since when did you think having a stick up your arse was a good idea?” I said darkly. James’s face seemed to be pulled in utter shock that I would speak such harsh words to Lily.
“Be nice,” Remus reprehended.
“No I refuse! All I wanted was just a little help on how to write this stupid essay, because I absolutely despise school and don’t think that knowing the top ten ways to make a feather levitate in mid air is productive at all. I know the spell and that’s all I need to know. I don’t need to spend a year explaining it to a teacher, who probably doesn’t care all to much anyway but thinks assigning this work somehow makes them look better!” I shouted in a huff.
“Someone hates essays,” James taunted.
“Potter, I don’t remember any of us talking to you,” Lily snapped.
“Lily, shut up! I don’t think he or anyone else gives a shit about your opinion, so stop acting like your shit don’t stink,” I responded getting up from my seat and gathering my homework. “I sadly think I’d prefer going to the library and bullshitting this whole essay as you and Remus seem inclined to make my life miserable.”
With those words, I left the common room, but not before glancing back at the shocked look on all of their faces. I know that it wasn’t their fault I wanted to copy, but they were being so annoying about it, and James was acting pathetic, Lily was acting way to self-righteous, and Remus was just being his annoying self.
“I think it’s now safe to say that you and Lily are oil and vinegar, and never to be mixed,” Peter said to me sitting across from me at the table I was doing my essay on in the library. His soft brown curls were falling into his eyes and his expression was pure amusement.
“At least someone agrees with me!” Peter laughed.
“I knew you guys wouldn’t get along, but I thought it’d be funny not to say anything. But now I have come to rescue you from your essay writing by giving you Remus’s,” Peter said brandishing the neatly written two foot long parchment.
“And you couldn’t tell me this so I didn’t have to ask Lily? And how did you get this? Remus refused to give them to me!”
“As I said, I thought it’d be funny. And Marauders always share,” Peter said answering all my questions at once.
“Oh the hypocrisy of it all!” I moaned taking the parchment from his hand. I was, however, grateful for Peter being generous enough to share. He was just about the only Marauder I could stand for more than a few minutes.
“You did, however, miss the James/Lily blow up when you left,” Peter said knowing it’d make me laugh. “She started yelling at him about intruding on conversations, and ruining future friendships with people.”
“Don’t even tell me she turned it all on James. What a frigid bitch,” I responded with disgust. This was one main reason Lily annoyed me. It was like in her mind she could do no wrong.
“I know, and Prongs being his weird self whenever he’s around her actually believed it was his fault and apologized!” Peter added outraged.
“Tell me you’re joking? She has him so whipped he doesn’t even see it. And they’re not even going out. Could you imagine if they were?”
“He’d probably wet himself,” Peter said making me giggle. I looked down at Remus’s essay and began to copy, but expertly change around the sentences and the order of the ten things you could do, so it didn’t look like I copied him.
“I swear one day I’m going to smack both of them upside the head. But Pete thanks a ton for this,” I said gesturing to the homework help.
“No prob. Just don’t let Remus know and we should be good,” Peter said shrugging.
“Aw shucks, I really wanted to rub it in his face too...” I responded trailing off. I turned back to write my essay.
I dragged the quill over the parchment, and the haunting thought of my father’s letter popped back into my head. I still was in shock that he honestly didn’t want me to contact him. I mean you’d think we would grow closer or something since mum died, but it’s like he wants to pretend she didn’t exist. I remembered when I first visited home after the news of mum, and seeing all of her things cleared out of the house and packed up in little boxes that would go away to storage. It was like he didn’t even want to remember her. So, I didn’t try to remember her either. I pretended nothing happened and she was still alive, only on a holiday of sorts that she may or may not come back from.
Another chair scuffing back, and someone else plopping down beside me interrupted my thoughts, however. I turned to see James sitting there giving me a steely glance.
“Why must you always make me look bad in front of her?” James asked exasperated.
“Why do you care what she thinks of you? She’s going to always find a reason not to like you, might as well accept it right now,” I told him bluntly.
“I am not a quitter, and I refuse to be told that it’s never going to happen after the years of effort I’ve put in,” James rambled. He then caught sight of Remus’s paper and raised his eyebrows. “Well, well how did you manage to get an essay that looks and awfully lot like Remus’s?”
“Oh stuff it,” I said as I noticed Peter looking away as if he didn’t know how or why he was even in the library.
“I’m not sure if I should. I mean it’s so wrong that you’re copying something Remus worked so hard on. Lily would not approve,” James continued mockingly.
“I swear to god you mention Lily one more time and I’ll smack you,” I said annoyed. Why must every conversation we have revolve in some way around her?
“Someone seems a little jealous of Lily,” James responded with a smirk.
“Yes I’m sure I’m jealous of a ginger who looks like she belongs by a rainbow carrying a pot of gold,” I snapped.
“Jealousss,” James sang.
“I’m not jealous of her! Why would I be?”
“Because she’s a ginger who looks like she belongs by a rainbow carrying a pot of gold,” James responded mimicking my previous words.
“Shut the sodding hell up! Why don’t you go cry over the fact that Lily hates you or something.” I looked down at my parchment and continued writing acting as if James wasn’t there. I caught Peter stifling a laugh and gave him a reproachful look. “Don’t even think about laughing,” I hissed at him.
“You’ve got to admit it, it is pretty funny! I mean you being jealous of Evans,” Peter explained. “I mean how could someone who looks like you be jealous of anyone?”
“I’m not jealous! How does me not liking someone make me jealous? I don’t like anyone!”
“Because,” Peter reasoned, “you’re reason for not liking her is the fact that she wouldn’t let you copy her homework.”
“I didn’t like her way before that,” I argued. I mean I was not jealous of Lily. I was ten times prettier and I knew it. She also annoyed the hell out of me. I did not get jealous. And why would I even be jealous of her?
“Whatever let’s you sleep at night,” James responded.
“I hate you both. I’m not jealous, nor will I ever be. There is no reason for it,” I responded haughtily.
“You expect us to think you just find her annoying for no reason?” Peter asked.
I threw my hands up in exasperation at the fact that they continued to talk about a subject that wasn’t true. “You guys are probably the most annoying people on the face of the earth.”
“Glad to know you think so fondly of us,” James said with a cheeky grin.
“I’m leaving!” I said gathering all my things. It seemed like no matter where I went, I couldn’t get anything done because these leeches were always around. “I need to copy Remus’s homework in peace!”
A/N: Okay please don't hate me i know it's been like almost a year since i've updated but if it helps it's not because i didnt want to update, its because school slowly but surely took over my life. I'm soooo sorry and i know your probably still upset about the huge wait because i always feel the same way when people take forever to updateeee. but i hope you enjoy the chapterr! :)