chapter image by me :D
*rating upped because of my potty-mouth (smiles angelically)*
I’ve always hated Scorpius Malfoy.
Ever since the first day of school when I walked up to him to say hello and he told me that my hair was ugly, I’ve despised him with every last nerve in my body.
He’s rude. He’s mean. He doesn’t care about other people. He says nasty things. He hurts other people’s feeling. He walks right over anyone who gets in his way – simply because he can.
He’s vile, disgusting, and the most infuriating person to ever walk this planet.
And now he’s my partner in this godforsaken mission.
Merlin, I should have become a Healer.
“Oi, I’m hungry.”
I gritted my teeth and ignored him, taking another vicious bite out of my granola bar.
Maybe if I pretend he’s not here, he’ll just disappear.
“Weasel. I’m hungry.”
No such luck.
“Grow some balls and deal with it, Ferret.”
“Give me some food.”
“Go get your own.”
“You have food with you!”
“Yes, but that’s my food.”
“It was for both of us.”
“Yes, but I lugged it around, therefore I have a stronger claim to it.”
“You’re a bitch.”
I shrugged. Whatever. I’ve been called worse by the ferret – this is nothing compared to the other insults.
What’s on your head, you freak, a dying animal?
See, this is why you don’t have any friends – you spend all of your time with your nose stuck in a book.
Why don’t you do the world a favor and kill yourself?
Merlin, Weasel, if you actually think wearing that hideous piece of clothing is going to get you a date, you’re sorely mistaken.
You look like shit – not that it’s anything other than normal.
You’re stupid. You’re dumb. You’ll never account for anything in this world because you’re a worthless piece of dirt.
Not that I care or anything. I don’t care one bit about what Malfoy thinks of me.
But after a little while, you start to believe the things that someone keeps telling you.
And even though you know better, you start hurting.
He treats me like scum, and I hate him – because he makes me believe that I am scum.
I took a steadying breath – forget about it, Rose, it’s not true, none of it is true – and started to take another bite of my granola bar, but Malfoy’s hand snapped out of nowhere and snatched it out of my hand. I whipped around.
“Excuse me! I was eating that!” I hit him on the arm. He rolled his eyes.
“It’s not as if you need it, anyway, Weasley. You’re fat enough as it is.”
And I snapped. Just like that – something inside of me broke, and whatever was hiding the hurt cut in half, leaving all of it – all ten years of it – to pour out of me.
I jumped to my feet, my eyes bright, my voice wavering.
“You know what, Malfoy?” My words trembled. “I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you treating me like I’m shit, like I’m something that’s not worthy of common courtesy. I’m sick of you thinking that you’re always better than me. Because, you know what? You’re not.”
There was a moment of stunned silence.
Then he scoffed.
That’s it – I give him a good piece of my mind, finally stand up for myself, and he scoffs.
The next words were spoken with raw, cold emotion, a sort of desperate hopelessness running like a current through them.
“I hate you.”
My voice broke in two places, and he looked up.
For a second, there was nothing in his eyes, no malice, no hate – time trembled around us, frozen as he looked up at me and I looked down at him, the words hanging in the air between us.
As time finally started again, I turned around and fled into the rain, leaving the cold shelter of the cave and letting myself get swallowed up into the steady hum of the wilderness.
I just want to escape everything.
My breathing was hitched, my clothes were soaked to my skin, and my hair was slinging diamonds of water all over the place.
And I felt amazing.
Another clap of thunder trembled through the air, a jagged line of lightning slicing across the pearly grey of the clouds. I pushed through another set of dripping green leaves, and found myself in a little alcove of serenity, a small clearing. My steps squished against the earth as I pushed out of the wall of green. Leaves were spread into the open space, reaching out, but never making it completely – because, in that little bubble, there was just sky and grass and emerald green, all blurred together, and nothing could change that.
I looked up, and the rain fell onto my face. For a moment, as the little droplets of sky were falling onto my clothes and into my hair, it felt as though the world was crying just for me.
I closed my eyes and breathed deep, forgetting everything for a moment.
And, for the moment, everything was okay.
“You’ll catch a cold.”
I ignored him, letting myself open my mouth to capture the drops. They tasted like honey against my tongue, a sweet escape.
Why do you care if I get sick? I wanted to say. Just leave me alone.
There was a moment of silence as another shot of lightning ran through the sky. I opened my eyes just in time to catch it, and couldn’t help the small smile than spread over my mouth.
I love storms.
“Weasley, you’ll get electrocuted. Let’s go.”
I turned around to look at him then, an incredulous look on my face.
“Why should you care if I got electrocuted?”
Something passed over his eyes, but was then replaced by a familiar smirk.
“Too much paperwork.”
I was not amused.
“I’d rather get electrocuted then go anywhere with you.”
“A little melodramatic, don’t you think?” He cocked an eyebrow.
“No.” I looked at him again, the rain dripping off of his golden hair and down his face. For a second, he almost looked like an angel.
“Just the truth.”
I wished he would stop looking at me.
I closed my eyes again, raising my arms and cupping my hands to catch the rain. I took a deep breath, letting my shoulders fall back, my head following their action. My hair was swinging down, a waterfall of red, and the rain kissed my face.
The words sliced through my calm, and it took a moment for me to register. When I finally raised my head and turned around to look at him, he was close to me, not even a foot away.
“Everything I ever said to you? I lied.”
I tried backing away, but he just walked forward.
“What are you talking about?”
I wanted him to leave. I just wanted to be left alone for a little while. I wasn’t interested in his mind games. I didn’t want to play.
“You’re not fat. You’re not stupid. Your hair doesn’t look like something died on it. You’re not a loner. You’re not ugly.”
Each sentence fell into the air, each bringing me closer and closer to confusion.
“I think you’re beautiful.”
The words hung in the silence of the rain. I could feel myself stop breathing as I looked at him, the surprise spreading out through my eyes and over my whole face.
For a long moment, the only sound was of water, pattering on every available surface.
I wanted him to be lying.
But his eyes said the truth.
“You hate me.”
My voice was desperate now, wanting a little bit of reality.
“I don’t hate you. I never have.”
He’s lying. Of course he is.
“You treat me like dirt.”
There was a moment of silence as the truth spread out between us.
He lowered his eyes.
“Why did you run away?”
His voice echoed around the cave, and I closed my eyes. I was exhausted.
“I want you to leave me alone.”
I opened my eyes, annoyed.
“Because I hate you.”
He smiled, and surprise shot through me. “That’s too bad, then, isn’t it?”
He stepped closer, his voice growing soft.
“Because I think I love you.”
Silence dangled in the air around us again, the only sound of his steady breathing and my heart, pounding its uncertainty around me.
I said two words.
I closed my eyes again, and when I opened them, there was victory on his face.
“Tell me how to prove it to you.”
I laughed then, the sound cold and harsh.
“You have to figure that out yourself, Malfoy.”
And he was silent.
“Your favorite color is green.”
I looked up, surprise carved onto my face.
Three weeks. It had been three weeks since that mission, and Malfoy hadn’t spoken a word to me. Even during the mission, he was silent.
But there he was, standing in front of my desk, leaning towards me. His eyes held a certain desperate tenderness to them, like he earnestly wanted me to understand something.
I was glad to hear that my voice was polite and professional. Detached, almost.
“Your favorite color? It’s green.”
He sat down without an invitation, his hands folded in front of him.
“How did you know that?”
The words were out before I could call them back. So much for uninterested, Rose.
“In Hogwarts, a lot of your clothes were that color. You’re wearing green today. You always used to tell your cousin that you loved his eyes because they were the most piercing bright green you had ever seen.”
I blinked, surprised.
“You know, Malfoy, I think it’s extremely creepy that you memorized my exact words.”
He ignored me, plowing on.
“Your favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird. You don’t really have a favorite movie. You love music. You love sunny days and blue skies.”
“Malfoy, how do you know all of these things about me?”
My voice was angry.
He looked at me, a smile on his face that seemed to imply that he knew a secret that I didn’t.
“Call me Scorpius.”
I’m stubborn. Did you know that about me, Malfoy?
He stood, that same smile etched onto his annoying features. “I’ll see you soon, Rose.”
“Don’t call me Rose.”
But the words were left to fall in silence; he had already disappeared.
I sighed and dropped my head into my hands.
This is ridiculous.
“You loved Charms best in Hogwarts.”
“What are you doing here, Malfoy?”
I was angry. I wanted a break. I wanted to be alone in the Three Broomsticks, but there he was, sitting across from me and clutching a drink of his own. He smiled again.
“I’m here for a drink.”
“So am I. Please leave me alone.”
Did he hear the weary exhaustion in my words?
“I want you to understand, Rose. I’m trying to prove it to you.”
Irritation flared up inside of me.
“Okay, first: don’t call me Rose. Second: I’m honestly not interested in having you prove anything to me, Malfoy. It’s been two months since that mission. Let it go.”
He shook his head. “No, I need you to understand.”
I sighed heavily. I’m tired. I’m too tired to deal with this. “Fine. Fine.”
There was another victory in his smile.
“You love the moon. You like night better than day. You love the ocean, especially the sound that waves make in the night. You think rain is beautiful.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Curiosity was clawing up inside of me.
“How do you know these things?”
There was a short silence while he looked at me.
“I notice things, Rose.”
“I notice you. All the time. Even when we went to Hogwarts, as soon as you walked into a room, I just knew. You had a presence around you, a light, almost. And, even though I knew it was wrong, it drew me to you. I couldn’t help but notice all of these little things about you. Truth is, you fascinated me. Everything about you intrigued me. It still does.”
I looked at him, silent, calculating.
When he spoke again, his voice was soft.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I’m trying to figure you out.”
The words were more truthful then I would have liked.
His face was open, almost amused.
“You’ve always been absolutely vile to me. I don’t understand why you would do that if you actually liked me all along.”
There was a silence, and Malfoy’s eyes traced over every line in my face.
“I was afraid you would fall in love with me.”
His voice was quiet, and I was stunned.
“Why would you be afraid of that?”
“Because it’s not allowed. I had already fallen in love with you, but as long as I kept hurting you, you wouldn’t make the same mistake as I did.”
Another stab of pain spread through me.
“I didn’t know that falling in love with me is such a mistake.”
The words were a low hiss.
“No, I – I didn’t mean –”
I got up and left.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I really didn’t.”
The name fell like petals from his lips, and I was startled into looking up. Truth shone clear from his eyes.
“I’m not my father.”
The words were a whisper.
“I wasted too much of my life trying to be. Please; just listen to me. Give me a chance.”
His face was earnest, like he honestly valued whether or not I listened.
I’ve always been too nice for my own good.
He looked relieved when he sat, and I hated him for it.
“I didn’t want you to get hurt, Rose.”
My teeth gritted, and the next words were low and sharp.
He looked down, and I was surprised to see that his face was ashamed.
“I honestly thought it would help.” His voice was a whisper. “I thought to myself, if I keep being a prat to her, she’ll hate me. She’ll never have to face the pain of loving me.”
“Does that imply that you’re interested in inflicting that pain on me now, Malfoy?”
He grinned slowly when he looked up.
“Only if you’re willing to give it a shot.”
I scoffed; just like that night when he scoffed at my words.
“You still haven’t proven it to me.”
This time it was him who got up and left.
I wasn’t sure if I was entirely glad to see him go.
“I don’t know how.”
The voice was rushed, desperate. I sighed and put my quill down.
“You have to stop bothering me like this, Malfoy.”
He ignored me, leaning over my desk towards me.
“You want me to prove it to you, but I don’t know how.”
I was silent, waiting for him to say something else, or leave. Either one was fine with me, though I think a small part in my heart was hoping that he’d stay. He sighed and stood up, running his hands through his hair as he paced around the room. I was still on my desk, my eyes, bright with curiosity, following him as he walked.
“There’s just something about you that I find completely, heartbreakingly beautiful. Maybe it’s your smile. Maybe it’s the way you love things that other people don’t. Maybe it’s because you’re different, and you’re not afraid of that. I don’t know what it is. There’s so much about you that I love, and I don’t know if I have enough words to prove it to you.
“You make me feel alive. There’s something in you, something that’s beautiful and iridescent and so vibrant that it almost makes my heart hurt. And I don’t know if you understand what I’m trying to tell you. I don’t even know if I understand.
“When you’re around me, I don’t know anything anymore. And the strange thing is, I love it – it scares me, sometimes, that feeling of uncertainty, but I love it anyway.”
There was a long beat of silence that pulsed through the air around us, and I looked at him. His head was tilted towards the floor, his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling rapidly with the words that he had said.
Finally, I spoke.
His head snapped up, his eyes glowing with surprise.
“I’m willing to give it a shot.”
And as a large smile spread across his face, I thought that maybe, somehow, Scorpius Malfoy could be beautiful to me one day.
"I took a chance with my heart
And I feel it taking over."
-drake, find your love
i honestly dont know where i keep coming up with these things.
please review, though - i want to know what i'm doing wrong, you know? if i should change something, or just give up writing like this and stick to humor...
thanks so much for reading :D