A/N : I got the idea for this story when i was listening to a spanish song called "Suleta mi mano" by Sin Bandera it's really good whoever wants to listen to it ,you should! =] . [translates to 'let my hand go'] i think it may have a different meaning from what i took it but i really like how it turned out. Also qoute by Mariah Carey; H.A.T.E.U check out the song. it's really good!
i'd like to give a special thanks to Lunaluver who's been really suportive of my stories!! thanks Luna! check out her stories! they're awesome! another thanks to angel_of_music! she's also been really supportive!
So here's the really sad Victoire/Teddy one-shot...
“Why is it so hard to say goodbye?”
-H.A.T.E.U.; Mariah Carey
It was raining outside. Gloomy, gray clouds were gathered together reflecting the pain within; mine, hers, and our families. Everyone would be affected soon enough but I couldn’t bear the thought. Through my eyes Victoire is going to be fine. I don’t see why everyone keeps giving me these looks of pity, as if imagining what would be of me after Victoire died. But she won’t. She can’t.
“Love?” I whispered softly. “Sweetheart, can you hear me?” tears were sliding gently off my face, damping my cheeks. Why doesn’t she wake up?
I thought desperately. The doctor said she should be up by now, but she hasn’t even stirred. I laid my head on her bedside, holding her hand and I fell into a deep sleep.
I felt soft hands running through my hair, and I realized Victoire was finally awake.
“Love how are you?” I asked hastily, “Do need anything?” I gathered myself to my feet but she grabbed my arm and pulled me back to her side.
“Honey,” she began, “stay with me.” Her voice was so low I was worried. She had tears in her eyes and I was scared for what was coming. She grabbed hold of my hand and kissed it. She’s been so weak for the past few days that it’s left me with no idea on how to help her.
“Teddy,” she began, “we need to talk.” I knew where she was getting at and I’ve been trying to avoid the conversation for weeks. So I interrupted with whatever occurred to me.
“Please Victoire, you’re very weak. Have you taken your medicine?” I asked desperate to change the subject. She eyed me patiently, through her wet eyes and sighed. She looked in pain, and I didn’t know what to do to make it better.
“Please Teddy—listen to me. I need you to know that I lo—,”
“Stop.” I wouldn’t hear it. I couldn’t let her finish that sentence.
“Please, just stop. You’re not going to die, Victoire. You’re going to be fine. We’re going to move you to a new and better hospital. I already arranged it with Landon.” She looked scared and angry; she hated hospitals.
“Did you ever even think to discuss the options with me, Teddy?! Do you think I want to keep suffering like this? To have to live through another day of seeing you
suffer like this?” she exclaimed. I knew she was hurting; her pain was my pain. I could feel it. But I wouldn’t give up! That’s exactly what she wanted me to do; to give up, and I wasn’t having it.
“So what do you want me to do Victoire? Just sit around, read a book and wait for you to leave me?” I couldn’t speak the word out loud again. It would be just like admitting that she was actually going to leave me forever. That she was no longer going to join me in our garden, plant the flowers we love, and she would no longer be able to sit on the swing I built for her myself, and thinking for hours at a time. Sometimes I would join her and she would ask me to give her a lift on the swing, while she laughed as the wind gently hit her face.
“No love,” she said quietly, “I want you to be here for me until I…—until I leave.” She didn’t say the word either and I knew that it was for my sake.
“Please,” she begged. “Just stay. For me.”
Her hands were shaking and I knew that our time was limited. But I couldn’t bear the thought that she was soon going to leave me.
“Please don’t ask me to give up hope” I pleaded in return. “To give up what we’ve been fighting for.” Couldn’t she understand it from my point of view? To see the person you love slowly die?
“No honey. All I want is for you not to suffer when I’m gone. Please don’t look at me like that! I just want for you to cope with the idea that—that I’m going to die
.” She said the last words slowly and I turned away, the tears rapidly forming in my eyes.
“Don’t say that.” I said, gritting my teeth. “You’re not going to die!” Dammit!
I thought angrily, I can’t believe she’s saying this!
“Please, love. You know it; my parents know it. The whole family knows it, yet the only one that doesn’t seem to want to get it is you.”Victoire was crying now, and I cursed myself for causing it.
“Shh, love it’s going to be ok. I promise to be good now.” I murmured, letting my own tears fall.
As I sit next to her bed, memories of the day when Dr. Carter announced to me that Victoire had turned from, healthy recovered Leukemia patient, to a Terminal patient, in a second; The day that started the countdown.
No, this can’t be happening again. We had gotten over this. It was not supposed to happen like this; I can’t lose her. We rushed Victoire into the emergency room where the doctors were taking care of her. I sat down on the nearest hospital chair and put my bloody hands to my face. She’d be alright; I told myself continuously, this was just a onetime thing. Merlin how could I be so stupid! The signs were all there: she had been incredibly pale, not to mention extremely weak and she’d been having on-and-off fevers. But I just thought that the paleness and the fevers were due to a stomach ache and the weakness was because of over working. It can’t be this again—I don’t know if she could survive it.
An hour later Doctor Carter came out and I stood, hoping for some good news. But I knew that was impossible. Victoire hadn’t vomited blood since she had Leukemia five years ago.
“Teddy,” he started in a serious voice and I dreaded to hear the next words he was going to say.
“Victoire isn’t doing very well. In fact she’s very weak and lost a lot of blood for her condition.” I froze when he said almost the same words six years ago; when he was about to tell me that Victoire had been diagnosed with Leukemia.
“But she doesn’t have Leukemia again, does she Landon? It was supposed to be over.” I was angry. This wasn’t supposed to happen again. He promised there wasn’t a high chance that Victoire would be re-diagnosed with Leukemia.
“Teddy, this happens sometimes.” He said, pleading with me to understand. “We don’t know why it happens, but it does. We realized that Victoire has stopped responding to treatment. I’m sorry to say this but Victoire has Terminal Leukemia.”
My thoughts were swirling. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I didn’t comprehend a word he was saying until I finally asked him, “I’m sorry Landon, but what does that mean?” my voice was leveled yet frustrated, but I felt like throwing up.
“It means that Victoire doesn’t have much time to live. I calculate a little less than eight months.” His face was pained and his voice low.
“No.”My voice cracked and tears welled in my eyes, “No—you’re lying to me. Victoire won’t die!” I yelled at him.
“She won’t! I don’t care what you say, I don’t care what anyone says, she
won’t die.”I said, voice pained, and the control I had over my tears had completely abandoned me. I bawled. I felt lost. Confused and hurt. This has to be a lie.
“I’m so sorry Teddy; if there was anything else we could do you know I wouldn’t hesitate. But there isn’t and the best thing you could do is spend all the time you can with her—no listen to me!” he raised his voice a little for I was about to interrupt him again after my sobs became silent hiccups.
“You can’t be like this, especially around her. Make her last few months the best she’s ever had. Spend all the time you can around her, but don’t be in denial about it. It’ll only hurt you more when she’s gone.” And with that he left. Leaving me to handle my mixed up thoughts.
“Honey?” she began again, interrupting my thoughts, although I didn’t mind.
“Teddy, you have to promise me that you’ll try to make a better life for yourself. That you’ll move on.”She pleaded.
“Please Victoire don’t ask me that,” I began again. “I can’t move on because I love you
. And what better life are you talking about? My life is with you; you are
my Life. The only life I’ve ever had is with you and there’s nothing better than that” I took a deep breath and continued.
“Please just rest love. I’m begging.”
She nodded and whispered “Ok—but promise me that you’ll try.”, she begged in return.
I didn’t answer immediately; instead I reached out, and kissed her forehead. “Just rest, Love.” I whispered.
Thunder struck and the windows shook the hospital room. She scooted on her bed enough for me to lay down next to her. The movement dawned on me as familiar. I took my spot next to her and as I wrapped my arms around her, I realized the familiarity: It was almost the exact same scene from the day I told Victoire she had only less than 8 months to live; the same day Dr. Carter told me about her Leukemia.
I was outside of Victoire’s room, thinking about what Landon had told me, and I looked at her through the window. She was awake and looked deathly pale, her silvery blond hair was a mess but she looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful. She smiled at me from the other side of the window and I smiled back at her. With absolutely all my Gryffindor courage, I took a deep breath and walked into her room.
She stretched out her hand and I gladly took it, wanting nothing more than to touch her. I ran smooth circles with my thumb on the back of her hand and then brought it up to my lips and kissed it gently. With her other hand she reached out and caressed my cheek, wiping away something wet from under my eyes. I hadn’t realized I was still crying.
“How long do I have?” she asked in a barely audible whisper.
I looked away so my eyes didn’t entirely reveal my pain. The pain of knowing that in just a few months, Victoire wouldn’t be a part of my life anymore. She wouldn’t wake up next to me with her usual bright smile and her beautiful hair resembling a bird’s nest. But just thinking about that brought more tears to well in my eyes. But I knew that she was going to go through much more pain, she had more to give up.
“Vic, love, I–I don’t know if we should discuss that now.” I stammered as I reached out to wipe a tear from the corner of her beautiful, sad eyes.
“Honey—Teddy—look at me. I want to know. Now.” She didn’t raise her voice. Her tone was gentle, sad, and broken.
“Please Victoire,” I begged, “Not me. D-Don’t make me be the one to tell you” I sobbed. Didn’t she understand the position she was putting me in. To tell the love of my life how long she had to live?
“Teddy—please, I want it to be you. Would you like me to find out from someone else? Honey, that’d be worse.” She grabbed my other hand and held them both to her lips and kissed them. I closed my eyes at the contact and took a deep breath.
“Hun,” I began, “Landon says that, you’ve stopped responding to treatment.” I let her think about that, but she didn’t seem surprised. When she didn’t say anything I continued.
“Victoire,” I started again as I tried to control the tears threatening slip from the corner of my eyes, “Love, you have a little less than eight months.”
She didn’t burst out crying, and I didn’t expect her to. Victoire is always strong, she always has been, what with having a father bitten by a werewolf and a mother ¼ veela and not to mention and extremely gifted witch, she was a strong, gifted independent woman. The woman I loved with all of my heart; the woman who is my heart.
She smiled at me reassuringly as she scooted over and patted the space next to her. I took the hint and laid myself next to her. I put my arms around her comfortably and she put her head against my chest. I finally let the tears fall freely and my shoulders shook, the weight of what was yet to come slowly dawning on me. I’d lose her forever.
“Shh, it’s ok sweetheart. We’ll be ok” she said softly to me, letting a few of her own tears fall.
“I love you” I whispered in her ear.
“I love you too.” She whispered back. And we fell asleep in each other’s arms. I didn’t think of what tomorrow would bring; just of her, and our love.
It would suffice.
She took a deep breath and her hands were shaking again. Her turquoise eyes were sad and tired; every breath caused her to pale and beads of sweat were rolling softly down her forehead.
“Can u help me up, please love?”She murmured and I very gently turned her around, facing me. Even as I lightly grabbed hold of her, she winced.
Finally getting comfortable and exhaling once more, she closed her eyes for a while and breathed in deeply. After what seemed like minutes of waiting she spoke, “Do you remember that night we stayed up watching movies? The night we saw my favorite Movie?”
“Yeah.” I said quietly. “Griffin and Phoenix.” She absolutely loved that movie. More for the reason she said, because in the movie, it doesn’t show when Griffin and Phoenix die. It just shows the last happy moment Phoenix had. It had a beautiful ending, mind. I see why she favors it so much.
“Do you remember what I said that I would never choose what either of them chose for each other? That I would never ask you to leave me?”
I didn’t know where she was going with this and honestly I didn’t give it much thought. I just ran my fingers through her hair and nodded.
“Well,” she hesitated, “I’ve changed my mind.”
“What do you mean?” I asked confused.
“I want you to get out of here Teddy. I want you to stop seeing me like this. I need you to kiss me goodbye and leave.”
Breaking. My heart was breaking. I couldn’t say anything; I was too stunned to speak—too hurt.
She noticed I wasn’t saying anything, so she, probably, decided to just smash my heart with four words.
“Please Teddy. Just Go.”
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, barely audible; although the pain in my tone was impossible to miss.
“You’re not doing anything to help yourself so I’m doing it for you! If you stay away from me, maybe you’ll be able to move on!”
“Fine!” I yelled, getting up from the bed. “Is that what you want? To get rid of me? Ok—fine. You got it. I’m gone. It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve wanted to get the hell with me.”
“Teddy, I didn’t mean--,”
“The only reason I’ve stayed—if you haven’t noticed—is because I love you! And if you have to suffer, I’ll suffer with you. Through thick and thin remember? Weren’t those our vows?!”
I was crying, she was crying, everything was chaos. I sat back down on a near chair and put my face in my hands.
“I’m not going to leave Victoire.” I said picking my head up from my hands. “You think that I don’t know that you’re going to die? Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve known it since the moment Landon said the word ‘Terminal’. That I couldn’t accept the fact that I was going to lose you is different. Could you accept it? If you where in my position, would you not dread to even hear the word ‘death’? Have you tried to put yourself in my shoes?” she kept quiet but I could see more pain in her eyes. Pain was going around quite a lot these past few months.
“I’m sorry Teddy. I just—I just didn’t know what else to do. You don’t see through my
eyes; the way you see me—so loving yet the anxiety is clearly there. The way you try to occupy yourself, fixing things that don’t need fixing, pacing outside my room, and fidgeting with you cloths every now and then.” She smiled, but it quickly faded away.
“So you accept that I’m not going to be around forever, right?”
A tear escaped my eye though I didn’t bother to wipe it away, “Yes,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry honey. I know it’s difficult. I’m sorry you have to go through this with me. I love you” I stood up from the chair, walked towards her and bent down next to her bed.
“Through thick and thin, babe.” I reminded her, kissing her nose.
“Through thick and thin.”
She fell asleep quickly, after that. I rubbed smooth circles in the back of her hand while I sat on the chair to the side, crying.
A week later…
Victoire isn’t doing too well. She hasn’t been eating regularly and the vomiting is much worse. She much too weak, but even though it’s been excruciatingly hard on her, she still smiles every time someone drops in to visit her and beams when I walk in the door. Although I can’t seem to find the reason she looks so happy to see me; she’ll be leaving me soon. Too soon.
I walked into her room, just coming from the restroom , but this time, she only greets me with a small sad smile.
“What’s wrong, love?”
“Sit down, honey. I want to give you something.” In her hands was an old album that was slightly bended on the side. It was our memory album. We started it when we were kids and kept filling it up even now as a married couple. It always got magically bigger if it was coming too close to getting filled.
She handed the out memory album to me, but I had no desire to look through it. Victoire seemed to read my thoughts because she told me to open it. I flipped through the pages to the one where there was a small bookmark. A tear fell on the page as I held the small paper. It was a folded piece of parchment with the words written ‘best friends forever: Teddy and Victoire’. There was also a drawing of a swan in a lake inside it. Victoire adored swans; I drew these for Victoire on her 8th birthday as a personal gift, along with a pretty turquoise necklace that I begged Uncle Harry to buy for her. Although I told her it was from me. She always wore the necklace, but when I checked to see if she still had it on, it wasn’t there. She had it in her hand, ready to hand to me.
“I want you to have these Teddy.” She whispered, handing me everything: the necklace, the note and the album. I was about to protest but she interrupted me.
“No Teddy,—don’t argue. Please.” The Monitor next to her bed was beeping slowly, too slowly.
“Please, remember what we had honey. We’ll see eachother again soon. I love you so much, love.” Her voice came out in small painful gasps. Crying, she took my hand in hers and closed her eyes briefly.
“I love you too.”I whispered. Why is it so hard to say goodbye?
I thought miserably, because I knew this was it.
Opening her eyes slightly, she looked into mine and I thought I saw the tiniest hint of a smile. Even though she was crying, she didn’t look afraid. The last words she said to me before she left are forever etched into my mind. Always looking forward to that one day; when I see her again.
“I’ll be seeing you, love.”
And she closed her eyes.
A/N: i really don't pretend to know much about Leukemia, so for those who--in any way-- i offended, i'm truly sorry. that was not my intention for this story. Also sorry if i got some information wrong. i did all the research i could!..
So? please tell me what you thought about it! did it make you tear up? did it make you cry?
Please review and Thanks for reading!