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The Art of Breathing. by AC_rules
Chapter 10 : Sincerity.
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 59


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A/N - Okay guys, this isn't the full Hogsmeade trip, it's acutally a very small part of it... It's very exciting though, trust me ;)  + a very quick update! Hazza! So... I'll stop rabbiting on now...

The house was deathly quiet as I crept through to mummy’s study. Becky and Mummy had gone out a few hours before and Daddy was playing with Johnny upstairs so no one noticed as I pushed the door open and entered the forbidden room. Mummy’s study was a no-go area. You didn’t go in, or you’d be grounded for a whole week! I bit my lip, pushing back the threat of being grounded until Christmas, and instead stepped onwards into the room.

I decided as this was the one place I wasn’t allowed to be it was sure to be where the Christmas presents were – it made perfect sense. But where would they be? I walked over to her desk and sat down on her office chair, my legs dangling far from the floor. If I was mummy, where would I hide Christmas presents?  If I was mummy, I would be boring and old with no imagination so I’d simply put them in the draw!

I pulled open the top draw and found it was full of boring envelopes and pens. The second draw was a little more interesting, pins and paperclips, but still not the Christmas presents I was searching for. They’ll be in the bottom draw, I told myself as I pulled it open and found... nothing. It was empty. I scrunched my face up in annoyance. They had to be here, they just had to!

“Rebecca! Maybe if you actually put an effort into what he tells you to do!” Mummy’s voice said and it was getting closer. I dived under the desk as quick as I could and held my breath as the door opened. “Your next appointment?” Mummy asked pulling the calendar off the wall.

“Next Saturday,” Becky said dryly, and quick, quick as anything she opened the middle draw and pulled out some pins and an elastic band. “Not that it will do anything,” She said folding her arms.

“Well what else am I supposed to do? You won’t eat! You don’t sleep! I’ve done exactly what he told me too, and you’re not even trying to get better! It’s like you want to be like this forever!” There was a silence. “Are you telling me that you like being like this?!?!?!”

“If I start eating, I’ll be fat!” She yelled and I scrunched up my ears under the desk. I didn’t want to hear this old conversation. I’d tried to tell her she wasn’t fat, she was skinny, but she wouldn’t listen. She just yelled loudly and made me cry. Stupid big sister.

My eyes were just adjusting to the darkness under the desk when I found something of immense interest. A secret magic draw! The argument was still going on so they didn’t here as I slid the draw open (I knew it was magical because there was no room for a draw, but it opened up anyway.) My eyes widened as I saw the parcels sitting there in their beautiful wrapping papers. Not only were the presents there! But all the other forbidden things. The scissors and the drawing pins were all stashed away in their own little container – away from Becky, all of them having been taken from her room. Then there were bags of sweets that I wasn’t allowed because they made me hyperactive and it gave mummy a headache, and when mummy had a headache it was very bad and she slept for a long time and Daddy had to do all the cooking. I ripped open a packet and placed one in my mouth grinning. Sherbet, lemon drops, chocolate and Christmas presents all in one magical place! Mummy hid it all here!

I pulled out a present, but soon cast it aside when I noticed something even more interesting – a letter. Why would mummy hide a letter down here? Unless it was a letter telling someone all the lovely things she’d brought me for Christmas, a letter saying Becky was selfish and mean, a letter saying how I was their favourite bestest daughter in the world. I smiled stuffing all the things back into the draw and slipping the letter into my pocket. I could look for the Christmas present any other time.  Christmas was a week away; the letter was what that was important now.

I pricked up my ears and peaked out from under the desk and to my delight mummy and Becky were gone from the room. I climbed out from under the desk and exited the room as quietly as I good, then began my way to my room. I walked up the stairs softly and past Becky, who was pinching her pale skin and scowling at herself in the mirror, and into my room. I dived on to my bed and opened the letter wondering what secrets could be contained within it. My heart froze as I scanned down the letter.

It wasn’t quite what I expected.

“MARY!” A voice yelled waking me up suddenly. I opened my eyes blearily and I jumped as a heavy weight landed at the bottom of my bed. I turned to look at my alarm clock. “Time to get up!”

“No, it’s not.” I said rolling over and burying my face in my pillow.

“HOGSMEADE!” Lily yelled excitedly and I scowled into my covers, pulling them up above my head.

“Fuck off,” I muttered.

“It’s such a lovely day!” Lily announced and I groaned covering my ears. “MAAAARRRYYYY!” She yelled and I sat up suddenly and glared at her.

“I don’t recon much to the lets-ruin-Mary’s-lie-in-on-the-one-day-in-a-week-she-can-have one game!”

“Stop being melodramatic, you had a lie in on Thursday, and you get one tomorrow,” She said cheerfully, then her face expression changed completely. “What’s wrong?” Lily asked and I realised there were tears scattered down my face as I result of my dream, I wiped them away groggily and shrugged before remembering our truce to be more open with each other.

“Just had a bad dream,” I muttered. “About when I found out that mum was dying,”

“Oh,” Lily said giving me a sympathetic look. “When did you find out?” she asked and it was only then I realised how little she knew about it. “A week before Christmas,” I said rubbing my eyes as more tears threatened to fall down. What I had told her wouldn’t make the slightest difference as she didn’t know when my mum had died anyway.

The dream: in the end, it didn’t matter. I’d spent all this time thinking about these dreams I’d been having but they were nothing new. I knew I was dying. I knew that had happened and as this was the forth day in the row I’d been haunted by these stupid memories (or other dreams) I was finally getting used to them, and it was nice, in a way, to relive those moments which had so much influence on me. It was also rather horrible, as I’d yet to have a good one, or one that didn’t make me feel terrible. “Time to get up!” Lily announced obviously sensing that I didn’t wish to talk about it anymore.

“Eff off!”  I told her lying back down on my bed. “It’s like seven in the morning!”

“HOGSMEADE!” She announced.

“Can’t you go wake someone else up?” I asked angrily.

“Nope, because they’re all awake and have gone for breakfast.” She said and began bouncing at the end of my bed.

“So why don’t you go bless them with your company and let me sleep!?!?!” I asked angrily, still talking into my pillow.

“Because I’m not going to Hogsmeade, so what’s the point?” That’s what finally got me out of bed, or more made me fall off the bed in shock.

“You’re not going to Hogsmeade?” I asked utterly shocked.

“Oh come on Mary, who would I go with? Rachel is with Sirius, this morning at least. Charlotte’s got a ‘date’ with someone and Alice is going out with Mike Longbottom. You’re with Ria, Potter and Sirius.”

“Oh, well, couldn’t you hang out with Rachel?” I suggested. “After I’m off with Sirius?”

“Well, I doubt that Charlottes date will last that long,” Lily commented, obviously referring to the fact that she’d have snogged him, slept with him, and got bored by ten. 

“But you can’t not go to Hogsmeade! What a wasted opportunity!” I exclaimed and she just laughed. Lily got just as hyped up about Hogsmeade as me, so it was seriously weird she wasn’t going. “You could go with Remus and Peter, they’re free! And you’re friends with Remus right?”

“I’m not friends with him, we talk occasionally, and they have dates and will probably be joining you with James and Sirius!”

“Lucky me.” I said wryly and Lily laughed.

“Get your arse in the shower purple,” Lily said pushing me forwards into the shower.

“You sound like Professor-bitch-Quigley.” I grumbled as I was pushed into the bathroom.

“So, are you actually in love with the Nurse?” She yelled through the door as I got in the shower.

“No!” I shouted back.

“So what’s the deal then?” She asked and I didn’t really know how to answer, so I instead turned the water pressure up and pretended I couldn’t hear.  Ten minutes later there was a banging on the door and Lily began yelling again.

“Get out here! There’s no time for you to spend an hour in the shower like normal! Get out here; I’m doing your hair!”

“Like hell you are,” I muttered wondering if I could make a run for it out of the window... maybe not. “It just has to be natural because I’m going to get it dyed,” I yelled out.

“Really Mary, natural takes ages!”

I’m not even going to try and work out how that works. “Could you not just dry it for me?” I asked coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She sighed but dried it with a flick of her want to my great happiness. For once I didn’t have to go out with it dripping wet (as I couldn’t do the spell myself anymore) so it was a nice change.

“Oh crap,” Lily said looking down at her watch.

“What? You’re not going anywhere?” I asked and she flushed pink. “Oo – err Lily, who are you meeting up with then?” I asked and she sighed.

“I was just going to go see Sev,” She said looking down at the floor. “After yesterday I just... I just want to talk to him, you know?” She asked and I did. I nodded but she still looked awfully ashamed. “I was just going to talk to him in the library, but I said I’d be there by now...”

“Just go Lily, no matter what you and the others think, I can get dressed myself. I was your cover right? Well don’t worry, I’ll tell them you stayed to help me chose what to wear,” I said and Lily sighed with relief – it was obvious to me that she wasn’t even comfortable doing this herself without having everyone know about it. Plus we’d been friends, and were maybe being friends again, and I felt sort of nice helping her.

“Just don’t wear something crap,” Lily said and I smiled. It actually was like we were back in last year which was weird, but I liked it.  Last year was, for at least half of it, a better year. Even if I was quite, ignored and went unnoticed almost all of the time I had a good friend. Looking back on some memories, it might not seem that way but in between all these bad memories, there were some good ones. I don’t know which ones outnumber the other, but I knew the bad ones were more prominent because it was in my nature to focus on the bad. My life always seems complicated and confusing for a great deal of the time, but in reality it could be much worse.

I should be dead, and I’m not. It’s a big thing to be thankful for, but then most people in the world my age shouldn’t be dead, and that’s a lot to be unthankful for.

“Lily?” I called out as she picked out her bag, her eyes flashing with an unsure excitement. “I know you miss him and everything, but I have a feeling you might have been right before. Just don’t expect too much,” I told her and she nodded. I knew that Sev used to be Lily’s Nate, and I know he meant an awful lot to her but I couldn’t shake of the uneasy feeling that it wasn’t a good idea. Snape, although I didn’t hate him, could hardly be on my list of favourite people and I felt sorry for him, I honestly did. That didn’t make up for the fact that he was most probably a death eater and caused Lily so much pain.

I smiled slightly because I was allowed to worry about that type of thing again. Lily and I were properly friends again (at least today we were), and maybe even better than before, because we were being honest.

More honest at least.

It’s not like I was going to tell her about dying or anything like that.

Don’t look at me like that! I had ages of time (not that Nate had actually told me how much time I did have left, but it was sure to be like a year and a half or something!) so I could tell her when we got to the six month mark or something!

Oh crap, Hogsmeade. Need to get ready, like NOW.

It was a weekend, and I wanted to stand out for some unknown reason, and so I spent fifteen minutes in front of the mirror applying eye make-up. My (adopted) sister had begun teaching me the basics of Goth make up before mum had died, so that was where I usually got my make-up ideas. I didn’t go for the black-lipstick (which generally looks cheep) and white face thing but it was dramatic, over the top and just generally really cool.

My skin was pale, and there was nothing I could do about that so I simply used it to my advantage making by making it even paler and then adding a pink tinge of blusher. Next was eyeliner – I began with the basic line underneath my eyes then began adding copious amount around the eye making it change shape completely. Then I made my eyelashes as big as I could (which wasn’t that big in all honesty) before adding my trademark colour. As I decided I would wear the outfit that the others had decided for a few days ago, I picked out my turquoise eye shadow and covered my lids with it. Next was liquid liner, then turquoise glitter liner, then black glitter eyeliner at the bottom.

It was completely over the top.

But that was sort of the point.

I added a red tinge to my lips but otherwise left them bare and pulled on the clothes which were incredibly creased due to being in my trunk too long.

I then decided I looked suitably presentable and headed down to breakfast. I ran pretty much the whole way because I knew I was late and had a lot of things to squeeze in today (most of which were unpleasant) and time generally wasn’t on my side (obviously).

When I reached the Great Hall however I was relieved to find the Marauders were still there, I walked purposefully towards them and sat myself down opposite Sirius.

“Dick,” I said addressing him. “What time are we meeting up?” I asked and he looked mildly shocked for a moment. Then he just looked at me completely unresponsive to my question.

“Hey Mary! Where’s Lily?” James asked cheerily – he was obviously excited at the prospect of getting taught how to win Lily over. I wasn’t.

“Oh, she’s staying here to catch up on work,” I replied grabbing some waffles and adding them to my plate.

“But Lily loves Hogsmeade!” James claimed– it was really sweet how he knew everything about Lily, but the weird thing was that Lily knew just as much about James.

“Well, who would she go with?” I asked and James nodded with comprehension.

“You know, maybe I should go to the Library and ask her if she wants to come with us-” He said grinning at this perfect opportunity. He was standing up as he said that and I totally panicked.

“No!” I protested quickly, grabbing him and pulling him back into the seat.  They all gave me an odd look but I couldn’t exactly tell them she’d gone to meet Snape could I? James would start crying.

“No asking Lily out. That’s rule number two.” I ordered and James’s face fell as he sat back down again.

“Why not?” he asked and I hit my head on the table.

“I’ll explain later!” I said looking back towards Sirius.  “I’m meeting my family at ten,” I told him and he didn’t say anything. What a weirdo. “And I’m meeting them here; I’ve got to get my hair dyed first, so I’ll meet you outside the three broom sticks at half past, yes?”

He just grunted.

What the hell?

“Sirius!” Rachel exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere sitting down on his right side. “I thought we were going out this morning!” She exclaimed.

“We are,” He grunted. Almost ignoring her as she began swooning over him, his eyes fixed on me.  Her hands, perfectly manicured, were resting on his chest and right shoulder as she tried to gain his complete attention.  I watched her hands run over his chest muscles as Sirius ignored them completely and instead sat stiff as a board on the bench.

“So why are you still eating breakfast?” she asked and he didn’t answer. “I wanted to meet up extra early so we could spend as much time as possible together!” She claimed in a sugar sweet voice I’d never heard her use before. She shot me a dark look which made me feel like a rather small ant and I shrank back on my chair.

“Why would I get up early, to see you?” He asked and I winced on Rachel’s behalf. That was a horrific thing to say to your girlfriend. Still his eyes fixed straight ahead. Rachel recoiled backwards a look of shocked sadness on her pretty features. The Marauders shot each other worried looks, and sympathetic glances were sent in Rachel’s direction but it did nothing to sooth her. She looked distraught and tried to wrap herself around him again in an attempt to have the attention she wanted. It didn’t work.

“Sirius mate, what’s up?” Remus asked, and they were all watching him carefully. His grey eyes were still fixed on mine and he appeared to look right through me with a gaze of a hard, cold stone.

“What we talked about last night,” He said finally turning away from me (thank goodness) and looking at Remus. “I think you might be right,”

I assumed the exchange only made sense to Remus because the other two Marauders looked as bewildered as I was. I’d always thought that the four of them couldn’t tell each other everything because such openness in a group was so damn hard, or maybe that’s just me, but maybe Remus was the one who they all turned to for answers considering he was the kind, responsible, caring one.

“Look,” I said getting annoyed here. “I don’t want your whole life story, I’m asking for a simple three word answer which I’m sure your brain cell might manage if you push it hard enough: are we meeting up at ten or not?” He turned his gaze back to me and stood up. Rachel’s hands dropped down as she looked at Sirius in confusion. He sent her, and me, a death glare. He didn’t answer and instead just walked out of the Great Hall looking pissed. His shoulders were still fixed in an uncomfortable looking square shape and I could only guess that he had realised something he didn’t want to realise.

I briefly wondered if he’d worked out I’d dying, considering I’d given him enough clues (accidently of course), but that wouldn’t make his exchange with Remus contain any more sense and I just knew that it wasn’t that but something else... What though?

“For Merlin’s sake! Will someone please give me an answer?” I asked angrily, because I needed to get going and no one was being even slightly helpful.

“He’ll be there,” James said standing up along with Remus and Peter. I could tell already that they were going to sort him out and get him back into shape but still I wanted to do it myself in an admittedly more violent way than the Marauders probably had in mind.

“Rachel, don’t mind him. He’s just in a bad mood.” Remus said giving the dejected Rachel a comforting smile. “Give him a few minutes,” He assured her.

Rachel didn’t say anything else, but instead stared at the plate in front of her looking heart broken.  I wanted to tell her that he wasn’t worth it but she glossed- lip was quivering uncontrollably and I could see her eyes shinning with the moisture that was building up there. Before I could do anything else, she stood up and ran from the room as the tears began to cascade down her make-up encrusted cheeks.

Looks like Sirius Black has broken another heart.

********

I’m not one of those people you can call girly but I do really love being pampered: not having some  sixteen year olds attacking me with various make-up brushes but having massages, facials, pedicures, manicures and the like – I can’t get enough of it! I also really loved having my hair done properly which meant I was no stranger to Hogsmeade’s hair salon.

I was still angry however, so I glared my way to the Hair Salon muttering insults under my breath.

The girl raised her eyebrow at me as I walked through the door – she obviously wasn’t expecting a teenager with purple hair, too much eyeliner and a murderous expression on her face to walk in through the door.

It always surprised me how few Hogwarts students came in here to get their hair cut, they generally just did it themselves but it never looked as good as having it done at the salon. I suppose most of them didn’t know half the shops in Hogsmeade existed and merely walked up and down the main street. Me and Lily knew the whole place like the back of our hands because we didn’t like to stay on the busy main street but preferred to take all the little side roads. As a result of this Lily and I often found ourselves completely lost but we always found the cheapest book shops and cute little boutiques that otherwise went undiscovered.  

“Hi,” I said to the hair assistant who was looking at me with a look of extreme distaste. I wasn’t in a good mood anyway, mostly because I was really annoyed at Sirius bloody Black, so I didn’t exactly appreciate being glared at simply because I had purple hair, lots of eyeliner, and a bright turquoise T-shirt on.

“Name?” She asked scathingly. I glared at her.

“Mary McDonald,” I said sharply and she wrote me down on the waiting list. “There’s no one waiting!” I pointed out and she shrugged. Already I couldn’t stand the girl and wanted to punch her pretty little face in.

“It’s my coffee break.” She supplied. “Come back in half an hour.”

“How about no?” I suggested snappily. She raised her overly plucked eyebrows when I challenged her as if she knew she was better than me, which she wasn’t. I hated people like her, people who judged and decided they were better than me when they weren’t. Like Sirius Black for instance.

“How about get those ugly purple locks out of my hair salon?” She suggested drawing herself up to her full six foot height which I just couldn’t compete with.

“Can I speak to Martin please?” I asked sweetly referring to the manager. Her eye’s froze as she realised I wasn’t fooled, intimidated or going to let her get away with chucking me out of his hair salon when the two of us were fairly good friends.

“I’ll just go get him,” she said deflating humorously. I stood there leaning against the door for a few moments as I waited for Martin to appear at the doorway.

“Mary!” He exclaimed in his wonderful gay fashion as he burst through the door. “Oh my gosh! What did you do to your hair?” He asked pulling me into a saloon seat and twirling it around to face me. “You’ve ruined it!” he exclaimed pulling at a lock and twiddling it around your fingers.

“I wanted dramatic,” I explained guiltily and he rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion.

“Sweetie! You didn’t have to go purple! Terrible colour for the completion don’t you think Hon?” he asked the bitch – girl who now nodded slowly as if she’d only just considered my hair colour.

“Let me guess, home wizard dye?” He asked and shook my head.

“Home muggle dye,” I corrected him and he looked as if the very idea was positively scandalous.

“Well other than this disaster you look abs stunning!” He said pulling me up. “Give’s a spin my Mary fairy!” He exclaimed and I did so laughing slightly (even though I was still majorly pissed off). “Gorgeous darlin’” He said pushing me back into the seat.

“Your eyeliner,” The girl commented still sounding like a prissy cow.

“Oh my days! I abs love it!” Martin said whirling me around again. “It’s dramatic, it’s big, it’s bold, it’s stunning and it simply screams ‘LOOK AT ME’!” He pulled a piece of my purple hair away from my face then considered it carefully. “I’m going to base your hair, around that eyeliner!”

“Erm... glittery and turquoise doesn’t work for school?”

“Don’t worry babe, I know exactly what you need,” He told me before turning towards bitch-girl. “I’m thinking a dark red, thick, long, straight, with highlights and all the jazz.”

“Thick side fringe?”

“Perfect! That’s why I love you!” Martin said and the bitch-girl rolled her eyes and scowled. “Excuse her, she’s a moody bitch but so talented!” He whispered in my ear. “And she’d be stunnin’ if she could lose the grimace,” He commented and I found myself grinning despite of myself. “So sweets, who you trying to impress?” He asked as they both began work on my hair.

“No one, McGonagall told me purple wasn’t appropriate,” I told him rolling my eyes.

“Ah, Minnie, what an absolute babe! Amazing cheek bones, very feline,” He commented. “If only she’d take the hair down from that god awful net. If she had layers she’d be fighting them off her!”

“I’m actually quite disturbed here,” the bitch girl said taking the words right out of my mouth.

“You can’t deny the facts! If I was straight, I’d jump her bones,” I found myself laughing despite of how disgusting that image was.

This is why I loved getting my hair cut – it was always such a lovely friendly atmosphere in here (minus bitch-girl) and I forget the rest of the shit and just have people fawning over me and my hair.

I closed my eyes and shut them off and just let them play around with my hair. I could feel spells being put on it, I heard the scissors, I could smell lotions and potions but I shut them out and returned to my thoughts.

They automatically went back to the dream I had that morning which I found annoying to say the least. I didn’t need to be reminded of that really did I? Although it was now when I looked back I could see Becky’s affect on my home life more clearly – I could remember the arguments, I could remember Mum always being stressed; I could remember Johnny crying every time she refused to eat over dinner.

It was now when I remembered her telling us about the digestive system over dinner to piss us off and put us off our food. I could remember her storming off from dinner when dad told her she had to eat more. I now recall why she turned vegetarian – and excuse to eat less. It’s so regularly when I forget just how fragile she’d been and it reminded me of how much better she was now and the letter yesterday – she had been pregnant and aborted it without telling her long term boyfriend. Although she’s a lot better now she still can’t stand putting on weight; she’ll still get upset if she puts on two pounds, she just doesn’t cry or cut herself because of it. So I could seriously see her not wanting to be pregnant for anything, but I couldn’t see her boyfriend being to psyched about her not telling him... it was sure to end badly.

Then my thoughts returned to poor poor Rachel. I could now hear her voice as she told us it was love, her eyes turning dreamy and love struck every time someone mentioned him. I could remember how panicked she was when she realised that Sirius so much as talked to some other girl: it was desperate, it was pathetic, but she really did care about him which was more than can be said for Sirius Black.

“Hon, good job as always!” Martin said and I opened my eyes again and came face to face with a girl with dark red hair (with brown streaks, more in some layers than others). Her hair was thick and down to her chest. She also had a thick side fringe which just made her face look right and covered up one of her eyes. The other was clearly lined in far too much make-up.

“I love it!” I exclaimed, beaming at my reflection in the mirror.

“You look bloody wonderful sweets,” Martin said fluffing up my hair which returned to the exact spot. “Now, you’ll have to come back in three months so we can put the straightening charm back on, cause it won’t last forever!”

“Corr, I look a bit fit don’t I?” I commented to the reflection as I ran my fingers over it.

“Twenty nine galleons please.” Bitch girl said and I turned to look at her in shock, never had I ever paid more than ten galleons before.

“Come on now Hon, that was a charity case!” Martin said pushing me out the door. Bitch girl laughed and I was waved off before I could realise I’d been given the best hair cut ever – for free.

**********

Admittedly I was late when I came to stand outside the three broom sticks to wait for Sirius, so I was completely ready to be yelled at by him, or to have the surly silent Sirius from this morning with me for the rest of the day. So when he wasn’t there my annoyance at him built up again.

After waiting for ten minutes I sat down on the wooden bench with my legs and arms crossed and watched the comings and going of Hogsmeade

“That’s the girl who’s shagging that hot nurse!” A third year claimed to another, pointing at my openly, as they stopped in front of the clothes shop opposite to wait for her friends.

“No way!”

“Yes way, she tried to kill his fiancé and everything! I don’t know why he’d shag her, she’s not even pretty!” I gritted my teeth and grabbed hold of the bench to stop myself from standing up and punching their lights out. There only thirteen. You’d kill them.

“I know yeah! As if she tried to kill Quigley! He still wouldn’t marry her, that’s sick!”

“Yeah but she’s easy,” A third said coming to join them. She had wavy blonde hair and I could see her being a future Charlotte. “I heard she hooked up with Black, while he was dating Moss!”

“No way!” The second girl said.

“Yes way!” The first one claimed again – how childish. “She totally did! And they’re supposed to be friends!”

“That’s not all,” The blonde one said darkly. “She’s dating James Potter too!”

“No way!”

“Yes way! Lily fell out with her about it, because you know, she’s totally in love with him and he’s not interested. Then she asked him out.” I wanted to laugh about the complete crap this was. It was funny how stories turned into a load of bullshit by the time they got to the third years. Still, it was annoying that they were thick enough to actually believe it.

“Oh my god,” The second one said and they all turned to look at me. Bloody idiots.

“How does she do it?” The first one asked shaking her brown curls. “Her boobs aren’t even that big!”

“Love potion.” The blonde one said. “I bet you. She couldn’t have the three hottest guys wrapped around her finger if it wasn’t for that!” She said and they all walked into the shop together with their arms linked. What a load of shit. Why couldn’t people get there own lives and but out of mine?

“Did you hear about Rachel Moss? She totally got dumped this morning after breakfast,” Another voice said and I turned to see a group of sixth year Ravenclaw’s.

“Poor girl,” Amanda commented sadly. “She must be distraught.”

“Oh come on, anyone could have seen it coming. He’s totally in love with that Mary girl, and anyway, he never dates them for long does he!”

I looked away and tried to block out the stupid gossip – it was all just stupid made up little stories, they didn’t mean anything and were usually based on a single element of truth exaggerated and exaggerated to a point where it was nonsensical and silly.

I wasn’t sleeping with Nate, I wouldn’t go near Sirius with a barge pole and James was too smitten with Lily to be interested in me any how. Sirius just found me an annoying nuisance and I have never EVER made a love potion.

So there.

“Never had you down for one to listen into other people’s conversations.” Sirius said from behind me and I stood up and glared at him. He didn’t look surly, or even annoyed he looked perfectly happy and content as he waved the marauders away behind me.

“You’re late.” I said angrily because I was the one who’d been forced to sit here for half an hour, completely on my own, listening to stupid gossip.

“Nice hair cut,” Sirius commented cheerily. “Very fetching.” I glared at him angrily.

“You dumped Rachel?” I asked sharply. His cheery expression faded so much and he nodded slowly.

All my anger at Sirius was building up again as I remembered all the time’s he’d been an arse to me: when he kissed me and called me Amanda; when he called me a girly swat; when he laughed at me; when he said I was childish and immature; all those insults; all those stupid pranks and all those hearts he’d broken.

“What the hell is your problem?!?!” I asked loudly fully aware that people were going to turn and stare but that wasn’t really my biggest worry at that moment. “Why do you think you can just date people and dump them as if they’re worthless?!?! Why do you think its okay to break people’s hearts and walk over them!?!? Why are you, Sirius Black, the dick head extraordinaire allowed to do whatever the hell you want?!?” I knew I was using much more force than the situation deemed necessary but I hadn’t blown up at him properly for ages and I was beyond the stage of being pissed off.

He didn’t answer and just watched as I got angrier and angrier.

“Because you’re a stuck up son of a bitch!” I yelled. “JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOME FAMILY ISSUES YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST WALK OVER PEOPLE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER? WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU CAN’T!! How many hearts are you going to break before you get your act together huh? YOU CAN’T JUST SLEEP WITH PEOPLE THEN DROP THEM! I swear to Merlin that one day you are going to end up rejected and alone because I can’t think of a way that anyone could put up with you for their whole lives?!?! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO TO PEOPLE?!?!?” I screamed angrily. “Don’t you see that she just wanted you to stay with her? Don’t you understand how much pain you’re causing her!!! NO YOU DON’T! AND WHAT’S WORSE, YOU DON’T EVEN CARE!”

Then I slapped him round the face.

“That’s for breaking Rachel’s heart!”

Then I raised my hand and slapped him again.

“And that was for breaking mine!” I shouted, the adrenaline from speaking my mind pulsing through my veins and my brain as I glared at him – all the hate I felt for him coming from my eyes. “Because you know what?!?! I’ll freely admit it: I thought you were so perfect! I THOUGHT YOU WER GOING TO SAVE ME! And all you did is make me lose faith in this whole damn world! YOU DON’T REALISE HOW MUCH A STUPID LITTLE FLING COULD MEAN TO SOMEONE ELSE! Because you’re a stuck up fucking dick who thinks people will just bow down before him because he’s oh so special and just a fucking saint. WELL YOU’RE NOT!!” I screamed and stepped backwards. I was shaking with anger and I could barely remember half the things I’d said because I just wanted him to see. I wanted him to understand.

“I was stupid to think that you could do anything for me, and now I don’t give a fucking damn! But I don’t see why I should stand by and watch you break my friends apart, and why? Why do you do it? Because you fucking can!” I said bitterly with as much venom in my voice as could physically be there. Then I turned away because I could feel the tears building up in my eyes because I was so angry. I hated him so much.

He was such an arse and had hurt so many people I cared about I just couldn’t deal with him anymore. He broke my heart. He broke me. And now he’s moved on the next victim.

“Why does anyone date?” Sirius asked behind me and for the first time I could feel emotion in his voice. “To see if it will work out! Would you rather have me, I don’t know,  proposing to her when I don’t even like her anymore! No. Because that’s not fair!” He said grabbing my arm and pulling me back to face him. “And you say it’s not fair on them! What about me?” He yelled gesturing wildly with his hands. “I liked Rachel, Rachel was nice. That thing I’ve been dating was not Rachel! That was a fake!” He yelled and my brain clicked back to Rachel’s put on sugary sweet voice and paranoia. “Why should I deal with a clingy fake when all I wanted was a real relationship? IT’S NOT MY FAULT THEY ALWAYS TURN INTO COMPLETE TARTS BECAUSE THEY THINK I’LL GET BORED OTHERWISE!”

I was shocked into silence by these words – never had I ever thought about his side of the story.

“You talk about their hearts? What about mine!?!?!” He asked loudly. “I just wanted someone real!” He claimed his voice dropping to deathly quiet.

I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. My head was spinning with all this new found information and I couldn’t comprehend it in the slightest. 

“And you know why you annoy me Mary?” He asked his voice hotting up again. “Because after that stupid fucking party and that stupid fucking mistake I started to watch you. I felt so damn bad! That’s how I know everything about you okay, because I watched you and I watched you because I was such a dick!” He yelled and thinks began clicking into place in my mind. He had known my favourite foods. He knew me...

 “And you know what! I LOVED THE OLD MARY!” I stepped backwards in complete shock. “Because you were different! You were real! AND I RUINED YOU!” I looked up at his grey eyes that were flashing with so many different contradicting emotions that it was impossible to read them. They reminded me of dark storms and flashing lightening. “Because you changed just like all those fucking girls I dated and it’s my damn fault! Because of my fucking mistakes!”

I couldn’t look away as I heard all the talking building up around me. Then the enormity of everything he’s said hit me – Sirius Black loved the old Mary. Loved her.

Bloody hell.

“And there’s nothing I can do to change that,” he said his voice dropping to a softer one. “And I’m fed up of all this yelling! I don’t want to hate you! So please, Mary, can we just be civil?” He asked and held out his hand for me to shake it.

I didn’t know what to say. What to do. All those memories. All those things he’d done to me.  All those insults. Shaking his hand meant being his friend. Did I really want to forget all those things and forgive him? All these thoughts spinning around my brain as I looked down at the hand in front of me and one question stood out from all the others.

Should I shake it?

A/N - Hehehehe... I know this chapter doesn't have in half the stuff you were expecting, but that will come very soon, don't worry! :D So guys, what do you think... the truths out (from Sirius at least) Will Mary shake it? What's going to happen now? How late is she going to be to meet up with her family? How's Rachel doing? Did Lily and Snape's meating go well? It's all comming soon...

PLEASE REVIEW :D




 

 

 


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