Flavor of the Month by
invisiblemaurader_1 Chapter 14 : In Which Pillows are Thrown, Brennan is Annoying, Fascism Returns, and Percy is Nowhere in Sight
Author's Note: Hmm. This chapter took me slightly longer to get out than usual, and it's slightly shorter than I'd like, but it's late, I'm sleepy, and if I decide it needs to be added to, I can always do so tomorrow morning when I'm actually awake! =] So. Here we have the awaited Oliver/girl party, some returning characters, and an ALMOST death-by-gorgeous-Scot. But just an almost, and it's all in good fun, of course!!! So. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I look forward to hearing what you guys think about it! Read on, oh loyal ones!!
Oliver Wood is pretty fun to be around if he’s completely at your mercy.
No, really. After Katie got back, we had an...interesting adventure. Who knew how difficult it could be to get a bloke to open up and start bitching about people? We girls do it so often that it’s almost second nature. But Ollie needed a little prodding.
“Oh, come on, Wood.” Angelina complained from the relative privacy of her four-poster. The rest of us were scattered about the dormitory; Alicia was window-stalking again, Riley was pouting from the door to the bathroom, and Katie, Oliver, and I were lying in a tangled heap on the floor. In the most innocent of ways, of course.
No, really. After Katie got back from charming the house elves (bringing lots of butterbeer and chocolate, along with a few more...er, healthy...choices in snack food), she plopped down on her stomach and stared balefully at Oliver, who was beating one of my pillows with his fist. I was watching him from my position at the foot of the bed, and he was muttering to himself.
“Oliver.” Katie said in a mock serious tone. We all turned to look at her. “Should I be worried that you’re going to cheat on me?”
I rolled my eyes. “For the last bloody time, WE ARE JUST FRI—“ I began, but she cut me off with a giggle.
“No, Kenna.” she told me, her face flushed with mischief. “I was talking about Marcus.”
“Marcus who?” Riley asked from the doorway.
“Flint.” Katie grinned evilly, and all of us girls started cackling. Ollie looked furious. It was wonderful. Until he chucked the pillow at my head.
“Hey!” I protested. “What was that for?” I chucked the pillow back at him. But of course, due to his lovely Keeper reflexes, he caught it with ease.
“You promised you wouldn’t tell anybody!” If it had been anyone else, I would swear that he pouted at me. But it was Ollie, and Ollie never has to pout to get what he wants. He just says ‘Hey, snog me.’ And fourteen year old girls come out of the woodwork to do precisely as he asks.
I fell over backwards off the foot of my bed. And I landed on Katie. She gave an irritated “Oompf,” but neither one of us cared enough to move. Katie, I suppose, didn’t care because she was still trying to torture her boyfriend. I didn’t care because Katie’s stomach, which my head was resting on, was far more comfortable than the floor would be, and I was too lazy to climb back up on my bed. “First off, Ollie,” I started, ignoring the snickers of everyone around me. I guess the girls just couldn’t get over the fact that Oliver Ewan Wood, who hated to be called by anything other than Oliver or the occasional Wood (only on the Quidditch Pitch, evidently), let me call him Ollie. Apparently he threatened to give Fred and George detention if they tried to refer to him by his lovely little nickname. And he told the girls that if they called him Ollie ever again, he’d make them do fifty extra laps on their brooms for the next month’s worth of Quidditch practices. “I never promised not to tell anyone. Secondly, I didn’t tell them.” My friends all nodded, except for Riley, who had started kicking the door to the toilet quite violently. She was muttering “Stupid bloody sod.” under her breath the entire time, so I guess she was kicking the door in order to refrain from going downstairs, finding Brennan, and kicking him. “Like I told you, about ten seconds after Snape let us go, the entire school knew.”
“How the hell did that happen?” Oliver asked. This time it was Katie who rolled her eyes.
“Hufflepuffs.” she said simply. “Bunch of lousy gossips. The Slytherins would have tried to keep the incident quiet, Flint being their hero and all, but the ‘Puffers can’t keep their mouths shut to save their souls. Even the first years knew by the time Transfiguration class rolled around.”
Oliver was quiet for a minute. But I should have known this marvellous state couldn’t last for long. Because all of a sudden, he gave his head a dramatic flip, sending his dark hair flying, and made the world’s most dramatic, floppy, homosexual sigh. “Damn.” he said, almost to himself. “I knew my good looks would give me trouble one day.”
Alicia looked away from the window. Angelina popped her head out from behind the curtains of her bed. Riley even stopped kicking that damn door. Katie and I looked at each other, and then, almost as if we’d planned it, all five of us burst into laughter. Oliver looked highly dismayed, but he had to be acting. “What’s so funny?” he asked. I rolled my eyes at him as best I could from my position. Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy to do.
“Honestly, Oliver.” I complained. “You are such a conceited arse sometimes.” He leaned over to stare at me.
“I was kidding, Kenna!” he announced. Katie and I laughed again.
“Sure you were.” she said slyly. Oliver leaned even further over, probably to throw another pillow or something, but he overestimated his sense of balance and ended up toppling off the foot of my bed and on top of me. And Katie, of course. And let me tell you, Oliver Wood weighs a bloody ton.
Okay, probably not, but still. He’s considerably heavier than I am. As in eighty pounds or so. And he was lying on top of us. Not fun. Not fun at all.
“Sodding hell!!” I shrieked. I couldn’t tell if Katie, now pinned beneath a combined total of three hundred pounds or so, was even breathing. “Get off, get off!!”
Oliver smirked, apparently unaware that he could be killing his girlfriend at that very moment. “Why?” he asked cockily. “Do you want to be on top?”
I glared at him as best I could. “No. I want to be able to breathe. And you might want to make sure your Chaser is still alive!”
He scrambled off of us, and I backed away from Katie. She wasn’t moving. Alicia crept over and stuck her face in Katie’s. “YOU KILLED HER!” she screamed hysterically. And then Angelina started shouting, Riley started crying, and Oliver and I freaked out.
Oh, and Katie started coughing. So apparently she was still among the land of the living, thank Merlin.
“Oh, ouch.” she croaked. Angelina tossed a bottle of butterbeer over, and Oliver swore violently when it almost beaned him in the head. I, being the utterly mature person that everyone knows me to be, snatched the bottle, popped it open, and shoved it in Katie’s face. She pushed it away weakly, and Alicia bent over to pull her into a sitting position. I forced the bottle into her mouth and managed to make her swallow a few capfuls before she spit the remaining liquid at me. So much for gratitude.
“Get off of me.” she muttered. We all backed a few steps away. Then she turned to glare at Oliver. “The next time you want to ravish Kenna, please make sure there are no innocent people lying beneath her.” she chastised. Oliver looked offended.
“I fell.” he cried. I kicked him in the shin. “Oh, ow! Bloody hell, what was that for?” he demanded.
“For nearly killing us.” I sniffed primly. He just looked at me like I was mental. And then I had an idea. “Oi, Katie!” I whispered.
“What?” she asked in a curious tone. I grinned at Oliver, who tried to scramble away, but alas, it was no use. I tackled him. I guess I’m lucky I didn’t end up with a black eye or worse, because the bloody git fought back. But eventually, Katie got into the swing of things and attacked from behind, and with our combined efforts, he was soon pinned.
Well, that and the fact that Oliver can’t hit a girl. It’s against the code, apparently.
“Argh!” His voice was muffled because—ha—we were both on top of him. “What the fuck are you doing?”
I smiled down at him sweetly. “You’re the one who nearly massacred us. I think it’s only fair that since you’re the biggest, you get to be the human pillow this time.”
I think he snorted, but I can’t be sure.
And that was how the three of us ended up tangled up together on the floor, laughing like a bunch of loons and discussing Marcus Flint’s particular brand of sexual deviance.
“Okay, so...be honest, Oliver.” Alicia announced from her own bed. She was munching on an apple, so it was kind of hard to understand her. “If you were gay, what one bloke in Hogwarts would you go for?” Riley cackled when Oliver started growling.
“I’m not gay!” he protested. Katie and I proceeded to try and reassure him.
“We know that, Oliver.” she soothed. “We just want to know who you would go for if you were.”
He sighed, then mumbled something. My head, which was on top of his chest, was filled with his rumbling.
“What was that, Ollie?” I asked. “We didn’t quite catch that.”
“Oh, please don’t say Percy Weasley!” Angelina begged in a horrified tone. Katie and I absolutely cracked up at that. Oliver didn’t see what was so funny.
“I’d rather kill myself.” he announced huffily. Katie, draped by his side, gave a shriek of laughter.
“Wood, you’re blushing!” she gasped.
“I am not!”
“Yes, you are!” she insisted. “Now, tell us who you’d fancy if you fancied blokes.” He didn’t respond. Katie poked him violently in the side.
“Ow!” he bellowed, but when he saw that the five of us weren’t going to give up, he sighed deeply. “Fine. But you do realize that I’m not gay and never will be, right?”
“Oh, just get on with it.” I whined. “You don’t have to assert your masculinity here, Oliver. It’s not like any of us are going to run around tattling on you or anything.”
“Fine. But you asked for it.” He took a deep breath. “It’d probably be that Diggory fellow.” he admitted. I sat up so fast that I swore I heard the wind blow.
“Oh, Merlin, that’s disturbing!” I curled up into a little ball. My friends all looked at me strangely.
“I hate to ask this, but why?” Riley said hesitantly. I turned to grin at her.
“Well, first off, it means that Ollie’s a bit of a pedophile, since he obviously likes young boys.” Oliver groaned. “But the really disturbing part is how alike that makes the two of you.” I told him and Katie. They both looked highly confused. “Oh, come on, Katie.” I hissed. “You were obsessed with Cedric. Does no one else find it odd that you’re dating a bloke who admits he’d fancy the same person if he were homosexual?”
Needless to say, the only response I got was laughter. Well, except from Oliver, who apparently found my idea highly disturbing.
But that’s what he got for making Slytherin boys fall in love with him.
The next morning, after having kicked Oliver out when he tried to start a snog-fest with his girlfriend (thus violating the ‘no sins of the flesh’ rule of the Founders), the five of us headed down to breakfast. Thankfully, we didn’t have Quidditch practice beforehand, or there might have been yet another massacre. From what I’ve managed to get out of them, Angelina and Alicia are still highly miffed at their respective Weasley. And if we’d had practice, Fred and George would have no doubt tried to regain their favour, Angelina and Alicia would have thrown giant fits, and someone probably would have died.
Yep. It was a really good thing we didn’t have Quidditch practice.
However, as we discovered upon reaching the Gryffindor table, there were still other obstacles to overcome. Like Brennan, who zoomed over the moment he saw Riley and practically attached himself to her side. Nothing she said had any effect on him. He was apparently determined to get her back, and Riley was having none of it.
“Please go away, Brennan.” she said firmly. Brennan grasped her hand in his and ignored her attempts to free herself.
“Just give me a chance.” he pleaded. “I know we can work this out.”
“No, we can’t. Now let go of me. I’m trying to eat.”
I was distracted from their arguing when I felt someone slide in next to me. For a moment, my heart pounded erratically. I’d expected Oliver to give up once he started dating Katie, but apparently he—
When I turned to see Aidan grinning cheerfully back at me, I felt a stab of disappointment. It was completely irrational, not to mention disloyal , for me to want a friend’s boyfriend to hit on me, especially when there was someone else highly less irritating and far more available right next to me.
“Hey.” I said with what I hoped was an equally cheery smile. “Switching Houses, are we?”
Aidan laughed. “Not hardly.” he told me, still grinning. “I do have a reason for coming over here, you know.”
I gave a mock sigh. “Fine. If you want to know if Marcus Flint did indeed offer Wood a very indecent proposal yesterday morning, the answer is yes. Oh, and it’s true: Snape know how to laugh. The world as we know it has come to an end!” The last bit was said in an undertone. After all, I’ve often suspected that Snape has super-sonic, magically enhanced hearing, and if he ever knew I’d told someone that he chuckled, I would probably never see the light of day again.
Aidan laughed even harder. “I never doubted it, but there’s that bet settled.” he started. I attacked my plate of pancakes with a vengeance, not because I was angry, but because I was damn hungry. And Oliver had totally hogged the crisps during our little sleepover. “But that’s not why I came over here.”
“It isn’t?” I asked absently.
“No. I was just wondering...now that you and Wood seem to have given up on each other...maybe we could try that whole dating thing again. If you like.” he said hurriedly. I was barely listening, I’ll admit. I was too busy pouring syrup on my pancakes and then devouring them.
“Sure.” I said absently. “Sounds good.”
“Great.” Aidan beamed at me. “See you after Herbology, then.”
“Mhmm.” I watched him walk away, then turned back to my friends. Thankfully, Brennan had finally left (he was glaring at me from the Ravenclaw table), so Riley’s attention was free, and since Angie and Al had given up on the twins, they were, too. “Um...does anyone know what I just agreed to?” I asked.
Alicia smirked at me. “You just agreed to be Aidan’s girlfriend, you ninny.”
Oliver, of course, chose that very moment to walk up to the table. While I was pondering over my new relationship (did it count if I hadn’t known what I was agreeing to?), he slammed into the seat across from Katie. “You did what?” he asked, his voice murderously low. Alicia giggled.
“She’s dating Aidan Montgomery.” she cooed, and everyone laughed at the silly expression on her face. Except Oliver, that is. He scowled darkly before shoveling oatmeal onto his plate.
I think I heard him mutter something along the lines of “We’ll just see about that.” before he stabbed a piece of ham violently with his fork.
I’ve said it before, and no doubt I’ll say it again: Oliver Wood is slightly insane.
I didn’t really want to know why he was trying to kill his breakfast, so I thought it was better that I didn’t ask.
I ignored Oliver as best as I could for the rest of the meal. After all, there was just no telling when he’d finally burst and kill us all. And I was actually rather enjoying being alive for once, so, for probably the first and only time in my life, I was concentrating on not doing anything to provoke him.
....
....
That’s right. I, Kenna Elisabeth Appleby, have become the bigger person.
No, wait. That’s not right.
....
....
Damn. It’s times like these that I wished I paid more attention when my mum’s parents, who are both Muggles, come to visit. You just never know when those funny Muggle phrases will come in handy.
....
....
Oh, wait. I figured it out!!! Yay me!
I think I just performed the first mature act of my life.
....
....
....
That is so totally not awesome. It’s almost the antithesis of awesome.
And why must my brain insist on using big words like antithesis??? After all, it’s not as if I need to know that I know big words. In fact, most people don’t need to know what I know. Because what I know is so terrifying that it could destroy the whole world. Babies could be born, nuclear reactions could take place! My brother could stop being annoying. And Oliver could get a bloody life.
....
....
Wait. What exactly is it that I know, again?
It’s times like these that I wonder if Fred and George have been slipping things in my pumpkin juice again.
Except Fred and George weren’t ther—
Oh wait. Yes, they were. That must be why Angelina and Alicia got up and left the table so suddenly. Argh. I was so busy ignoring Wood and devouring my pancakes (not to mention trying to reassure Riley that we could probably buy a bloke-repelling spell for her, or maybe a hate potion. It couldn’t be that hard, could it?) that I’d completely missed the twins’ entrance.
I sometimes wonder how I can succeed so wonderfully at Seeking when I pay absolutely no attention to the details. But then I realize, like many girls my age, I am attracted to shiny objects like spoons. And Snitches. So every time my attention wanders on the Pitch, it’s automatically drawn back because I like the shiny-ness.
And now I’m wondering if that’s even a word, or if I just made it up. Kind of like that African hair ritual I told Ollie about near the beginning of term.
My random thought process was interrupted by Oliver. Surprise, surprise. He made an unnecessary amount of fuss as he pushed himself away from the table, whispering something to Katie that I didn’t quite catch before straightening and addressing the rest of us.
“As of this afternoon,” he began ominously. “I’m moving the number of weekly practices up from four to eight.” Fred, George, Katie, and I, and hell, even Riley, who’s not on the sodding team, were in too much shock to do anything other than stare. In fact, I’m pretty sure I heard at least one jaw drop and crack on the table. “All of you, meet me on the Quidditch pitch at four. We’re going to work until I’m sure every bloody mistake we made in that match against those ‘Puffers has been rectified.”
We didn’t even try to stop him from walking away. It was that mind-blowing.
I thought it was safe to say that Nazi/Fascist Wood, who’d been replaced almost completely by Crazy Captain Oliver, who was just nice old-buddy Ollie’s alter-ego, had finally returned.
Shit.
Riley ran over to the Ravenclaw table, where both Angelina and Alicia were madly flirting with Roger Davies. From the looks of it, she informed both of them of Wood’s fascism. I thought they were going to cry. All three of them hurried back over to sit with the rest of the team, and Angelina and Alicia apparently forgot their displeasure with the twins in light of Oliver’s return to fascism. Al sobbed loudly into George’s shoulder. I swear, sometimes those girls can be far too dramatic.
“Why the hell’s he gone crazy again?” Angelina, always the most rational of all of us, asked. Alicia exchanged looks with Katie and Riley, and they all three turned to face our irate roommate. And then they shared the Look. The one I’ve mentioned before.
The one that means that I’m probably about to die.
I held up a hand in protest. As if that could ward those loons off.
“This is your fault.” Alicia hissed, her eyes glittering fiercely at me. Fred and George looked confused.
“How?” George asked. “She didn’t even do anything.”
“Yeah.” Fred echoed. “Normally, I’d say it’s her fault, but I have to agree with George.”
George beamed. “Why, thank you, old chap!”
Angelina glared. “Just shut it, you two!” she ordered. Naturally, both of them obeyed. “It’s Kenna’s fault because she’s dating Aidan Montgomery again!”
Then the twins started glaring at me.
“Why is this a problem?” I asked confusedly. “I thought you all liked Aidan.”
“We do.” Riley clarified. “But Oliver doesn’t.”
I snorted in disbelief. “Yeah? Why’s that?”
Everyone turned to look at Katie, who nodded and left the table, but not before telling me “It’s okay, Kenna. I forgive you.”
Once she was out of earshot, Alicia piped up. “It’s because he’s jealous.” she explained.
Well, there went my day. Apparently, Oliver can obsess over more than just Quidditch.
Nope. He has obviously caught some strange magical illness that makes him want to claim me even when he’s got a bloody girlfriend.
Is it too much to ask to have just one relatively normal day around here? A day without confessions of homosexual love, Percy Weasley, or obnoxious fascism?
Evidently, the answer to that question is always going to be ‘yes.’
Author's Note: So. Oliver's being a poo-head again. I'm sure none of you are surprised. And for all of you out there who've been screaming anti-Oliver/Katie, I hope this reassures you a bit. Oh, and a little hint as to the next chapter: Kenna has a LONG overdue discussion with Fred and George about a certain bet, we learn Aidan's true feelings (or some of them) and Kenna *drumroll, please* has a true epiphany. So, leave me a review, tell me anything you enjoyed, or, Merlin forbid, hated. I love hearing from you guys, and thanks for being such loyal readers and reviewers!!!
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