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Confusion by evans_4eva
Chapter 2 : Chapter 2
 
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Hey =) just so you know, I wasn't sure when exactly the Marauder's Map was created - I've put their third year, I guess I could look it up but I don't really have the time =( so if it wasn't then, just let me know and I'll change it!! Ok, thanks =D

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And that was that. We all just ‘clicked’ – the start of our very long and very strong friendships. But it wasn’t until much later that things changed between Sirius and I.

One of the first things I recognised, in both James and Sirius, was that they were both incredibly confident. I noticed it more and more as my first day with the two of them went on, as I was horribly nervous, although attempting not to let it show; my stomach was a writhing pit of vipers, whilst the two of them just laughed and joked around. I envied them this ability, whether it truly was pure confidence, or whether they were both just very good at hiding the nerves. It wasn’t until later on, once our friendships had developed, that I was exposed to the things that made both of them insecure and caused them to lose their confidence, but I didn’t consider this at the time. Naturally, I was overjoyed when the three of us were placed in Gryffindor, along with a quiet, mousy looking boy named Peter Pettigrew. It was funny that I considered him to be mousy looking, as when he and the others – no, wait. I’m jumping ahead here. So we grew closer and closer as friends, and by the end of the term (if not before) I knew the other boys inside out – their likes, dislikes, personalities, favourite sayings…you name it, I knew it. And they knew everything about me – well, almost everything. I needed to tell them. But…well, from past experience, friends didn’t usually stick around for too long once they knew, and there was no way I was ever going to tell them – not only would they turn on and despise me, but they could tell other students, which would jeopardise my place at the school, and I couldn’t leave when I was having such a great time, it would have been the worst thing that could have happened. So instead of telling them, I fed them stories about my mother being sick, my father needing help at home, my grandmother asking to see me…eventually, though, they worked it out. They weren’t stupid; quite the opposite – James and Sirius were very intelligent, not so much Peter. And they could hardly fail to notice that every time I was visiting sick relatives, or whatever other excuse I had made up, coincided with the full moon. So they worked it out for themselves. And instead of deserting me and telling everyone, which I had dreaded, they wanted to try and help me. They were so supportive that I felt stupid for not confiding in them earlier, and wondered why on earth I hadn’t trusted them with my secret. They became quite…protective isn’t the right word exactly, but they definitely looked after me. And they hatched a plan – they decided to try and become illegal animagi, so they could secretly accompany me during my transformations, and after three years of long and tiring work, by the time we were in the fifth year, they achieved this. James could transform to a deer, Peter a rat (hence the strange coincidence with him looking slightly mousy), and Sirius…Sirius could become a great black dog.

It was strange how we all became friends, Peter especially – he was only our friend because we were in all the same house; I honestly don’t think that we would have become friends with him otherwise – Sirius in particular. He could (and frequently would) become very frustrated with him, as he wasn’t as intelligent, witty or generally quick on the uptake, which drove Sirius mad, as he isn’t the kind of person who likes to explain everything twenty times before the other person understands. I must admit that I could also become exasperated with him at times, but not so much as Sirius. James, on the other hand, was somewhat surprisingly far more tolerant than Sirius and I, and so we somehow managed to keep hold of our friendship with Peter.

We decided at some point, I think in our third year, to try and write a map, depicting the school and all of the students and staff, in order for us to carry out pranks and general mischief making, whilst reducing the chances of getting caught. I think it was at this point that we decided to name ourselves the Marauders, and we called it the Marauder’s Map, each signing it with our new nicknames (the others were, at this point, attempting to become animagi) – I was Moony, Peter was Wormtail, Sirius was Padfoot, and James was Prongs. The creation of the Marauders managed to bring us even closer together that we already were, and we were of course spending almost all of our time together, which meant we were continually becoming closer and closer friends, and our relationships were becoming stronger.

Sirius and James were very attractive and very intelligent, and the combination of the two meant that they received a lot of interest from many of the girls at Hogwarts. They both took advantage of this, to a great extent, and I must admit it did irritate me greatly. At this point, it was neither the fact that I was jealous of the attention they were getting or jealous of the girls going out with Sirius, but more to do with the fact that I thought they didn’t treat the many girls they dated with enough respect – they made it into a game, almost a competition between the two of them, and yet somehow this made them all the more desirable to the girls. To some extent, I can now completely understand why they were both so attractive to the majority of the girls (Sirius mainly), but I didn’t at the time. I think, looking back at it now, that Lily was a lot to do with both this and the developments between Sirius and me. I suppose I should explain about Lily, as she was (and still is) a crucial person in both my life and the lives of the other Marauders.

Lily is in Gryffindor with us, in our year. She and I became good friends almost straight away, as we both liked the same music, the same books, and the same subjects, and could talk for hours about most things! She is very pretty, with long red hair and the most amazing emerald green eyes. She has an absolutely amazing personality to match, and I love her to pieces (in that great way that only best friends can). For some reason (well, the one that I just mentioned about James and Sirius and the girls, as well as the way James and Sirius treated a certain member of our year, named Severus Snape, amongst other people), she was definitely not keen on James and Sirius, which was, in short, a disaster for James, as in our third year (I think, although it may even have been earlier!) he developed a very big crush on her. Not only was this bad for him, but it also meant he spent hours talking to us about her and trying to come up with ways of asking her out. The problem was, whenever Lily was around James, he would become supposedly over-confident and act like an idiot, which would in turn merely convince Lily that she was right not to go out with him. However, I think that secretly, although James appeared to be so confident around her, she was one of the few people that made him nervous. In fact, I don’t think she even truly realised what an enormous effect she had on him, or how much she caused him to change. But that wasn’t her fault, and she couldn’t really do anything about it…However, I must admit that it was quite a relief when James stopped acting like such a twit around her, and they became friends, and now they are finally going out (after four and a half long years)! It is so much nicer being able to spend time with Lily and the Marauders at the same time, without trying to avoid mentioning one for fear that the other will start ranting (Lily about James), or sighing and going all ‘lovey dovey’ (James about Lily). I think that Lily might have been the first person I actually told about my feelings for Sirius, and she really helped me through it and helped me manage to confront my fears and talk to him about it. She is also the only other person at Hogwarts that I have spoken to about my ‘furry little problem’, as James refers to it as. See – that is how much I can trust her.

I am aware that I haven’t really said all that much about Peter. He is small and slightly tubby, yet at the same time he has quite a thin face. His hair is a mousy browny blond, and his eyes are sort of dull and watery looking. He often doesn’t say much, and he isn’t too intelligent. Oh dear, you would never think that he is one of my good friends from that description. Although, to be fair, he has been slightly more distant from us the last couple of months. And although he can be highly irritating, my school years wouldn’t have been the same without him. I think he is more of a ‘follower’ than a leader, which is probably why he has lasted for so long with James and Sirius – they are both definite leaders, and I reckon they both rather enjoy being able to boss him around without him complaining! As for me…well, I can be a bit of both really – I’m a good leader but sometimes just can’t be bothered! And trying to lead Sirius and James can be very tiring – it is a lot easier to let them get on with it! I’m not a weak person or anything, despite what it may sound like!

James next. He is tall, dark and handsome – your average fairytale guy. Plus a wicked sense of humour and very intelligent. Quidditch seeker for the Gryffindor house team, plus team captain. Head boy (and sadly yes, I am jealous). Perfect? Far from it. He can be a total pain in the backside, especially when I’m trying to study and he sits there playing with the golden snitch he pinched from the Quidditch cupboard last year, or looks down his nose at my studying habits and then gets good grades even when he hasn’t tried. He also indulges in the irritating habit of flicking exploding snap cards at you when you aren’t expecting it, helps himself to my chocolate, and until recently wasted far too much of my time on trying to think up pointless ways to get Lily’s attention. But despite his brilliance and his idiotic tendencies, he is great. He’s loyal, funny, and completely trustworthy, and a really good friend.

Sirius. Well, I could go on for hours about him, but now that I’m trying to write it isn’t coming out right. It’s as though I can’t capture him and put him into words, but I’ll try. He’s gorgeous. He has a brilliant sense of humour. His smile makes me melt inside (!) and his laugh is 100 times better; it’s like he’s smiling out loud. He can be a total clown, but when I need to talk to him seriously about something he will always listen. He plays beater for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I love to watch him play Quidditch because he becomes so absorbed in it, and I love to watch him concentrate because he gets a particular expression on his face which sends shivers down my spine. I love to watch him sleep as well, because he sometimes becomes Padfoot the dog in his dreams, which is hilarious to watch, yet somehow ever so sweet and endearing at the same time, and his face is so peaceful when he doesn’t seem to be dreaming. Yet sometimes his nightmares return to haunt him, and he scares me when I see the look of terror that sometimes flashes across his face. I love to watch him read and struggle his way through essays and I love the satisfied smirk that crosses his face when a joke he has designed has gone particularly well. I love it when our eyes meet across a room and we just connect, and it’s as though we are on our own, in our own world, and nothing else matters, it’s just the two of us. I love the way he has chosen me above any of the thousands of people he could have had.



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