Chapter 6 : Pickin’ Fights With Slytherins
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Tegan squeezed my hand. It’s been two days since the most significant event of my young life, and I still relive the magic and wonder every five minutes. Sometimes I squeeze my own hand, just to feel that sensation again.
I’m probably obsessing, and if I don’t watch myself I’ll turn into a barking mad stalker. Tegan would never date a barking mad stalker. So I have to tone it down a little.
“Kate Portia Nott!” I bellowed, storming over to the Slytherin table, where J.D.’s little sister was sitting with her fifth year friends during breakfast. Including that smarmy git Scorpius Malfoy.
I tapped her angrily on the shoulder (if one’s taps can be described as angry) and she slowly turned her head ‘round to face me.
“How the hell do you know my middle name, James?” asked the dark-haired girl bluntly.
“That’s not important!” I exclaimed. Because me and J.D. accidentally, well, not so accidentally read your diary one summer and you refer to yourself as Kate Portia Nott every two sentences. But this book was not nearly as profound and well written as an Imagination Journal, and thus must be affixed with the lesser label of ‘diary’. “How the frick do you get off cheating in Quidditch like that?”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Why won’t you damn Gryffies give the ‘frick’ thing a rest? You have no idea how annoying it is to hear every last one of you exclaim ‘Frick!’ every ten seconds! Learn some big kid swear words, okay?”
“Stop avoiding the question!” I snapped. “I’d like to know who taught you such bad sportsmanship, because as evidenced by J.D.’s perennial sportsman-like conduct, it obviously wasn’t your parents!”
“Sod off, Potter,” snarled Scorpius Malfoy. Oh, how I wanted to charm that despicable cretin’s blond head fluorescent pink…not a bad idea, actually. I ought to add that to the General List of Pranking Ideas in my Imagination Journal.
“Who am I kidding, it was probably you, Malfoy!” I shouted dramatically. (I sure do love dramatics!)
“Tell me, James,” seethed Kate, “what is it exactly about catching the Snitch in a game of Quidditch that’s so unsportsmanlike? Wait, is it the fact that it led to your team’s humiliating defeat? Cos then you’re the bad sport, James.”
“I don’t know if you noticed, but the Seeker you were racing against crashed into the pitch and had to be hauled off to the hospital wing!” I retorted. “Did it ever occur to you to try something new and not be self-absorbed, and maybe stop for a second to see if she was okay, and actually care about the well-being of another witch or wizard, Katie?”
“What’d you call me?” whispered Kate in a low voice.
A dawn of realization hit me, and I grinned maniacally. “Katie.”
She pursed her lips and her cheeks became a glorious hue of scarlet. “Don’t ever call me that again,” said Kate through gritted teeth.
“Why not, Katie?” I mocked.
Kate reached into her robes for something, but Malfoy stopped her. “Don’t hex the ponce in front of all the teachers,” he said sternly. “Though you know he knows that you despise being called ‘Katie’, don’t ensure yourself a month’s worth of detentions for that.”
“Wait, did you actually give me an order?” asked Kate viciously.
“It’s just common sense,” insisted Malfoy.
“No,” said Kate decisively. “You ordered me to do something. Are we in the bloody nineteenth century, Scorpius? Yeah I’m your girlfriend, but you have no authority over me whatsoever, is that clear?”
Malfoy looked as if he wanted to shout back at his darling little girlfriend, but clenched his teeth and diverted his attention back to his sausage.
“How could you do that to Tegan?” I barked, rejoining the conversation. “She could have died!”
Kate glared towards me once more. “I did nothing to hurt her, James. I violated none of the rules of the game, but I knew when to turn the nose of my broom up before Llewellyn did. I play smart. I’m not going to risk my neck for a victory when my team is already over a hundred points ahead.”
“Tegan plays smart too!” I snapped defensively. “She brilliantly outmanoeuvred you the second to last match of Spring 2021, catching the Snitch and letting us move on to the finals against Ravenclaw. In which she once again performed outstandingly.”
“Great,” said Kate with a prodigious amount of sarcasm. “Your Seeker is so accomplished and outstanding at this sport that she ran her broomstick into the ground. The Gryffindor team has such high standards.”
“Shut your gob!” I seethed. “You don’t insult my teammates to my face!”
Kate leered and raised one eyebrow. “So you’re shouting at me because I should have disregarded the blatant fact that the game had not paused to check up on my opposing Seeker, who was already being attended to by the qualified school nurse?”
“Yeah!” I agreed. “Have you no compassion? She could have been killed!”
Then, the most horrible, smug, distinctly Slytherin smirk appeared on Kate Nott’s otherwise lovely face. “You fancy the poor bint,” she said lightly.
My eyes popped and I felt my Adam’s apple bob. “No I don’t!” I shouted automatically. “And don’t call my Seeker that word!”
Kate crossed her arms and appeared to be very pleased with herself. “You fancy her quite a lot,” she stated as fact.
“Er, no!” I corrected her, attempting to laugh haughtily. “How the frick did this conversation villainizing you turn into the Let’s Make Up Heinous and Unfounded Lies About Who James Potter Fancies rumour mill?”
“I heard the tosser sodomized a unicorn. He really fancies the pathetic beasts,” added Malfoy maliciously, under his breath.
“Good one, love,” said Kate, smiling coyly at him. Apparently she’d forgiven him for talking down to her. I’d have to tell my J.Dizzle all about this.
“My point is that you should stop fabricating ridiculous lies about me fancying Tegan!” I added in despair. This is why I don’t like fraternizing with Slytherins. They have no qualms accusing you of being a unicorn sodomizer.
“My point is that you should lay off me for not abandoning the game and personally nursing Llewellyn back to health,” retorted Kate. “She made the conscious decision to risk running her broom into the grass, and that she did. I caught the Snitch and won the game fair and square.”
I felt (and probably looked) dejected. “But…you didn’t even seem to give it a second thought. Her well being, that is.”
Kate looked at me like I was barking mad. “How is Tegan Llewellyn’s well being any concern of mine, James? Though naturally it’s of great importance to you as her secret admirer.”
“Obviously—now wait just one moment,” I fumed. “I thought we’d established that I fancy neither Tegan nor unicorns!”
“Ooh, you’ve got him really worked up about this, Kate,” commented Scorpius, thoroughly entertained. “So worked up that he must fancy Llewellyn.”
“Stuff it!” I yelped. “Tegan is one of my very best mates and we get on remarkably well and have this weird level of understanding that I don’t think I share with anyone else on this planet, and yes, she’s extremely fit and the freckles on her nose drive me mad, but I do not fancy her! Not one bit!”
The couple glanced at each other, smirking defiantly. “Whatever you say, James,” said Kate with false sincerity.
“Clearly, you’re not in love with her,” said Scorpius smoothly and sardonically.
“Thank you,” I said promptly.
“We won’t tell, if that’s what you’re worried about,” added Kate.
“I thought we established that there wasn’t anything to tell,” I said weakly.
“We won’t tell her,” said Scorpius definitively. “I’d rather not talk to that mudblood anyway.”
“You shut up!” my voice rose again. “Don’t you dare call her that, plus it’s factually untrue as she’s a half-blood!”
“Calm down, James,” said Kate casually. “Right, you don’t fancy Llewellyn. Does my brother know this?”
“Yes,” I said sadly. “He’s the only one other than you guys. Who know that I don’t like Tegan.”
Kate nodded in understanding. “We Slytherins may be aggressive on the pitch, James,” she said, “but we’re not monsters. You’re my only brother’s best mate, and I wouldn’t spill your big secret.”
“And she’s my girlfriend and I’m pretty intimidated by her, so I won’t tell either,” said Scorpius.
Kate took his hand and looked at him affectionately. “That’s so sweet,” she said, leaning in for a kiss.
“And that’s my cue to exit,” I said under my breath and hurried away before I could witness any Slytherin on Slytherin snogging.
“J.D., J.D.!” I called as I rushed into the common room late that afternoon in search of my bestest mate. “Where are thou, my dear J.D.?”
In the crimson armchair facing away from me, a head turned ‘round to see what was the commotion. “J.S., you know the reason people think you’re a bender is cos you talk like that,” grumbled J.D. “How’re you gonna woo your lady love if she thinks you’re a nancy boy?”
“Sshh!” I screeched as I ran to sit on the chair next to his. “On the low down!”
“Down low,” he corrected.
“Damn straight,” I said coolly (though probably sounding like a fool, as ebonics isn’t my linguistic strong suit). “But you have to swear that you’ll label this classified in the files in your brain, cos the secret’s gradually becoming less and less of a secret.”
“Yeah? Who else knows?” asked J.D., his raised eyebrow revealed his piqued interest. The eyebrow thing was the same as his sister’s, actually.
“Atekay and Orpiusscay iguredfay itay outay,” I whispered rapidly.
“Owhay?” inquired J.D. We spent the entire first term of second year speaking exclusively in Pig Latin.
“Eythay ustjay uessedgay!” I said, exasperated. “Ouryay istersay isay ootay artsmay orfay erhay ownay oodgay.”
“On’tday Iay owknay itay,” said J.D. darkly. “Ey’llthay eepkay ethay ecretsay, eahyay?”
“Eahyay,” I confirmed. “Ortunatelyfay.”
“Ouyay ancay efinitelyday usttray ymay istersay,” said J.D., “utbay Iay on’tday owknay aboutay atthay Alfoymay oybay.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” I remembered. “They’re definitely dating. Your sister and Malfoy.”
J.D. clenched his jaw. “Yeah?” he growled.
“Yep,” I nodded. “Don’t freak out about it, she definitely wears the pants. I almost feel bad for Malfoy.”
J.D. cracked his knuckles. “I don’t fricking care. If that Malfoy touches Kate, then I’ll—”
“Hold up there, Colonel Hypocrite!” I interrupted. “I thought I was being overly protective of Rose.”
“That’s completely different!” insisted J.D.
“It’s worse, actually!”
“Rose is only your cousin!”
“You’re only my best mate!”
J.D. sat back in his chair. “Oh. Well…Kate is my only sibling, so forgive me for caring about her welfare!”
“I never said there was anything wrong with your instinct to bash Malfoy’s smarmy face in,” I clarified. “I just said you were a hypocrite.”
“Hell, I probably am,” laughed J.D. “So, made any progress on the Tegan front?”
“She’s been in the hospital wing for two days, J.D.,” said I. “I think I’m going to let her recover from her brush with death.”
He clicked his tongue. “With each passing day, your deadline of October the 31st approaches.”
“I thought you’d forgotten about that!”
“When have I ever forgotten anything, J.S.?”
“It’s like you’ve been transplanted with an elephant’s brain,” I mused dreamily.
“So?” asked J.D. eagerly. “When are you going to ask Tegan out?”
“Soon, okay?” I lied. “She gets out of the hospital wing this afternoon and I’m carrying her bag while she crutches herself back to Gryffindor Tower. But I will start laying on the charm tout de suite and ask her out by the end of the week. Do you approve?”
J.D. smirked. “Sure, J.S. Just actually do it. Ask her out, I mean.”
“I thought I had a deadline,” I said sarcastically.
“Which you do,” said J.D. “Either you tell her that you fancy her, or I do. And I don’t think you want the latter option.”
“That I do not,” I affirmed.
We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.
“I heard the house elves are making shepherd’s pie for dinner tonight?” said J.D. all of a sudden.
“Yeah?” I asked excitedly. “Wicked!”
“Go get your bonny lass and meet me in the Great Hall,” said J.D. We both stood up and headed toward the portrait hole and parted ways, to be reunited soon by the prospect of shepherd’s pie.
A/N: Sooo this is a bit shorter and not as funny (I don’t think so, at any rate), but it’s been nine long days since I’ve updated and I had to get something out. Thank you SO much to all my reviewers, I greatly appreciate all your comments and criticisms! And thanks just for reading this story. Each and every last one of you is pretty awesome.
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