Chapter 11 : I STILL LOVE HIM
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The dark confines of the room swallowed Draco completely as he lay in an old cot, probably last used three or four years ago. He lay on his back examining the peeling paint on the ceiling, while in deep thought. He sighed in frustration, as he tugged on the sleeve of his shirt, pulling it down to show his forearm. The black symbol embedded now in his skin seemed to hiss at him. He gulped, and put his sleeve back down quickly not being able to bear another second.
A million questions were running through his mind. Dumbledore had brought them to this old house, and showed him to his room without another word. Draco recalled Dumbledore saying something like Grimauld Place. He guessed this was the houses name. He rolled to his side, and the bed moaned in resistance. He tried to fall asleep, but the memories flooded his head. He was supposed to leave this place, and start immediately on his first mission, as the deatheaters called it, early in the morning. Since Draco had no watch he figured it was already early in the morning. Three or four oclock was his best guess.
The mark had taken little of no time, and then the deatheaters told him to return to Dumbledore, thinking he was being a double spy. Pretending he was spying for Dumbledore, but he was really working for Voldemort. The funny thing was it was the exact opposite. Draco was loyal to Dumbledore. He tossed in bed, and now the covers were wrapped around his body in crazy ways. He closed his eyes as her face came to his mind. The last glimpse of her.
Her hair laid out behind her head. Her chocolate eyes closed, and peaceful. Her lips pouted slightly out of habit. Her small nose peppered with cute freckles. Draco closed his eyes tighter, wanting to stop the memory. He opened them quickly, his eyes pained from remembering her beauty. Not because he didnt want to think these things but because he couldnt. But that was just another excuse right?
Their love could become something after this was over couldnt it? The more he thought about it as he lay there the more the idea seemed more impossible. They could never be together. Never ever, and they would just have to face the facts.
A light knock came from the door, and he sat up. Dumbledore stepped through the doorway, his eyes not having their usual twinkle. He examined the boy through his half-moon glasses, and gave a tired smile to him.
"It is time." The old man said shortly. All Draco could do was nod.
"Its all right Mione." Ginny said soothingly, as her friend cried her eyes out on the bed.
"No Ginny its not all right. He was supposed to..." She trailed off not being able to say anything more. Hermione laid her head back down on the pillow, and wept silently to herself. Ginny had no clue what to do. Harry, and Ron had been shooed away after Ginny told them this was a "girl" thing. They went to their first few classes while Ginny stayed to comfort her friend. Ginny was beginning to get agitated. It was that stupid ferret for Merlins sake! Nothing but a pea-brained git! Why go on and on about someone so worthless?!
"I loved him Ginny." Hermione said yet again. This time Ginny was fed up, this girl laying here had gone overboard. Ginny stood, and pulled Hermione into a sitting position.
"Look at you Mione! You are pathetic... sitting here crying over someone who doesnt deserve your tears! You didnt expect him to turn on you!? He treated you horribly for like six years! He called you and your friends names, he got you in loads of trouble! Why in the world did you fall so hard for this no good git!?" Hermione had stared at her the whole time, and more tears flooded her eyes. Hermione stood, and retaliated.
"You want to know why I feel in bloody love with such an idiot? Well Ill tell you Ginerva." Ginny looked at her a little surprised that she was getting like this. "Its the same way you fell for Harry Goddamnit!! You dont see that do you? No you dont because all you can see is Harrys perfect body hanging in front of your eyes! You dont care about him at all! All you want is, to put it nicely, sex! Im not even sure you were truly a virgin. You could have messed with Dean for all I know!" Ginny gaped at her, mouth open wide.
"How the hell did we turn from you loving Malfoy to the debate of whether Im a virgin or not?! You see there you go again Hermione! You just blow it of thinking it will go away! But you know what it will always be there, and it will never go away! Now tell me why!"
"There is no specific reason! Stop yelling at me! If Harry broke up with you you would cry your eyes out wouldnt you?! But no since it isnt you, you dont care in the least bit! You could give a damn about anything or anyone but yourself!" Hermione was well in Ginnys face by now, and it only got worse from here.
"Quit putting it off Hermione! You need to confront the problem not avoid it!"
"Well thank you Dr.Phil! Like I really needed your help!" Hermione screamed.
"Even though I have no clue who this Dr.Phil is Im going to pretend you did not make that comment." Ginny crossed her arms tightly over her chest, seeming to challenge Hermione, and Hermione was definitely up for the challenge.
"Of course you dont know who he is you twit! He is a muggle person! You know nothing you pureblooded trash! Draco was right you are nothing but stupid weasels!" Hermione spat coldly. Ginny gasped.
"Your precious boy toy was a pureblood too! I cant believe youre insulting my family, when that toe rag was the one who hurt you, and not us! I was trying to help!"
"Oh yeah way to help! Tell me Im bloody pathetic, and then insult him like he is just nothing! Its not the fact that he left me Ginny!" Hermione hiccuped. Tears were rolling down her rosy cheeks, and her voice felt weak. "Its the fact that even though he left me, even though he betrayed me and my friends when I thought he was on our side, I still love him!" Her hands wiped away the tears in frustration muttering how stupid she was being at this moment. "But no I shouldnt care about him anymore should I?" She seemed to be talking more to herself than to her friend.
"Even though he gave everything he possibly could to me? Even though I know he at least had a bit of feelings for me? Or is it just unfathomable to believe we were truly in love?" The pain in her voice showed as it became uneven, along with her breathing.
"He is worth nothing to you anymore Hermione." Ginny told her coldly, still ticked off about all the bad things Hermione had said about her, her family, and even Harry. "So stop moping, and get a bloody grip! Stop loving him and move on!" Ginny stomped out the room in anger, and slammed the door to Hermiones room. A ringing produced in her ears from the loud slam the door had made.
She laid back on her side wiping away the fallen tears, and sniffling. The pain in her head was not just from yelling so loud a while ago but from the many thoughts consuming her head at this moment. So many questions, but no answers. But Hermione had one answer. An answer to what Ginny had just said: Stop loving him and move on! She didnt want to stop loving him. She wanted to be held in his arms once again, and hear him call her name.
"I guess," She sniffed, "the old saying is true." She laughed at herself for thinking like this even though it was impossible. "Your first love never really dies." The smiled faded slowly, as her eyes drooped, and she suddenly felt tired from all her sobbing. She slept soundly that afternoon for about four hours, skipping the rest of the day entirely, which is very un-Hermione-ish. As she slept she dreamt of the last time they had been close.
A/N: Yes Hermione is acting very strange towards Ginny. I mean she is starting to act like she doesn't care about anything anymore. Oh well the heart wants what the heart wants! PLEASE REVIEW!
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