Reading Reviews for Sweet Sorrow
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SunshineDaisies Only A Memory

13th April 2017:
Oh my goodness, I so needed to read this right now. Like, I just so wanted some nice simple jily fluff and then there's this AND IT'S EVERYTHING.

I honestly love this so much. I love second person perspective, and you've used it so beautifully here. This whole thing is just like poetry and it's gorgeous and I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH WORDS BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO SQUEAL ABOUT IT.

You did such a fantastic job of painting the entire relationship between Lily in James, all the way from their first meeting to their last moments. It's such a simple portrait but it's simplicity is what makes it so wonderful! You've given just enough detail to paint the picture and you've done it with such beautiful strokes!

The tone of this is so wonderful. Like, it's not completely heartbreaking, but there's still a hint of sadness. Mostly it's just sweet and loving and almost happy.

I'm honestly amazed you were able to fit all of this in slightly more than 500 words. Short pieces really exercise your writing ability, and you've done so well with it. I know this doesn't technically count as an "Every Word Counts" challenge entry, but you truly did make every word count, and every word really packs a punch!

I'm obsessed with this.

katie.

Hufflepuff CtF

 Report Review

Review #2, by Dojh167 Only A Memory

13th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF review

I really like this description of James: “Your eyes speak confidence. Stature strong as the castle walls. The mop of dark hair mad as wildlife.” It does a great job of telling us what he looks like while also speaking volumes in imagery about his personality, and is altogether very effective.

I also like the line about how James eyes would win the heart of others but only harden Lily’s heart. It says a lot about what kind of people they each are and how they interact with those around them.

I think I figured out what you meant by “you continuously exhaust my surname” (he calls her Evans so much that she gets tired of hearing it?) but I had to stop and think about it.

Haha, I like that the marauders make their detention rooms their second home! It’s true that they must spend enough time there to feel right at home, and I don’t think you could ever make them feel punished if they were together.

Awww I really like the line “Like the first day of school, your certainty radiates.” It brings James’ characterization full circle. While he’s grown and matured, he’s done so in such a way that is naturally true to the core of who he is.

Some nitpicky things for you:
In “My eyes lands on you” ‘lands’ should be ‘land’
In “but you've only harden mine.” ‘you’ve’ should be ‘you’d’

I like how you chose to write this piece with Lily in first person addressing James as second person. It make this piece feel very intimate, like a letter or a sincere conversation between the lovers.

I did get that Lily was looking into Harry’s eyes at the end, but I didn’t understand the something missing part because I didn’t realize this was an AU. My other thought was that she could be looking into James’ dead eyes, which would explain the something missing part. So I’m glad you explained that.

Overall, I think this was well done. For such a short story, it did a good job of covering a lot of ground in their relationship, from first meeting and annoyances to attraction and marriage, right up to death and beyond. Quite a roller coaster, but it maintained a strong emotional heart throughout.

Sam.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login